Signs your group is going to fail / Proof the automated match-making system works:
1) There are 4 TR in the group. 3 of them are wearing a full PvP set.
2) The DC is not sure what the group means by "the blue"
3) Anybody in the group wants to or thinks you need a tank.
4) It's during a DD event, the group composition is perfect and there's an item you need from that dungeon.
5) You've been playing for the past hour or so and everything has been going smoothly.
6) Someone insists that the group can complete the instance without a Cleric - "We just need to all summon our healing companions"
7) "Don't worry, we can totally 4 man this"
8) "Don't worry. I know a trick for this place"
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falmenMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
A Fighter, a Wizard and a Rogue reach the end of a dungeon guarded by a Dragon. The Dragon looks over the group and says, "If you pass my challenge you can have my treasure, if you fail, you die." The Fighter steps forward and declares, "I accept your challenge, I'm not afraid!" The Dragon asks the Fighter, "Which magic would you use to defeat a Lich?" Shocked and dumbfounded, the Fighter replies, "How should I know, I'm no Wizard!" The dragon's breath burnt the Fighter to a crisp in an instant. The Wizard steps forward and says "I'll take your challenge, Dragon!" The Dragon asks the Wizard "List the names of 10 different types of blades in order of length." The Wizard, confused, replies "What?" The dragon flicks the Wizard with one of it's claws, sending him crashing into a wall, then turns to the Rogue and asks, "Would you like to try my challenge?" The Rogue heaves a bag of treasure over his shoulder, turns to the Dragon and replies, "No thanks, I'm good."
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kainhighwind2Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
So this king told me "Winter is coming." I told him "I hope not. I came to Neverwinter just to avoid that!"
An undead lich, a Tanar'ri and a bandit sit in a group therapy session.
The Lich says:
- I can't stand those clerics always "turn undead this, turn undead that", can't gather an army anymore.
The Tanar'ri says to that:
- You don't say, well i can't even attack the blasted cleric because of that stupid protection versus evil, so irritating.
The bandit responds while crying:
- You guys think you have it bad with priest. After my mum comes back from a sermon in the temple of Torm she spanks me cause' I'm a bad boy.
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stabbitMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
An elf was searching the ruins of Myth Drannor, looking for artifacts of his ancestors. As he cleared the rise, he spied a large ziggurat ahead with dark smoke pouring from it's apex. Convinced that this would be a fine place to explore, he proceeded, but noted a large warning sign crudely scrawled with skulls and various other portents of doom, probably left behind by goblinoid thieves. Spitting in disgust, he steeled himself and entered the enormous stone portal at the base of the ziggurat, only to be crushed to death as he triggered a trap that dropped a huge block of stone on him.
Moral of the story: Smoking ziggurats are hazardous to your elf...
A strange new monster has been sighted in Neverwinter, and all the adventurers are scared to face this terrible new foe. It appears to be a large floating sphere with a big sharp-toothed mouth, and ten stalks atop the sphere. Most people start thinking beholder, but instead of eyes, each stalk ends in a giant D20. That is when everyone runs. What fearsome eyeless creature could do that to every adventurer known? A D-Holder. It's powers - makes you always roll a 1.
And if a D-Holder is not fearsome enough, beware what they call it behind everyone's back ... a Die Tyrant!
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noobtubesftwMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
They say diamonds are forever, i guess that doesn't include astral diamonds
After the Cataclysm that nearly destroyed the once great city, Neverwinter is trying hard to rebuild. Not only the city needs building however, as the Neverwinter Wood has also suffered great loss. Even now, many an elf has planted seeds too numerous to count all the way to the Trackless Sea. Unfortunately, the tides keep coming in and washing away the seeds, leaving the land barren still.
They just cannot tree the forest for the seas.
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nemesis0807Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
Q: What do you call an Orc with half a brain?
A: Gifted
Q: What did the human say to the halfing?
A: You are half the man I used to be
Q: What would you get if you cross a dwarf & a halfling?
A: A Gnome
Q: What did the Control Wizard say when he disagrees with his party mates?
A: Nothing. He just Repels them off the edge of a cliff.
Q: Why was the Trickster Rogue kicked out from his guild?
A: Cos everyone had enough of his tricks
Twenty sides that decide your fate, you never know what you might take.
Good or bad, terrible or great the Twenty sides that control your fate.
Another roll another day, but alas your tide of fates,
your Twenty sides of life should awake, your die ,twenty sided, has decided to break.
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haiknMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
If you're a demolitions expert or a smoker, don't bother asking a spellcaster for a Light. All they'll do is provide you with some illumination.
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kalen9Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
Ever done the "Frozen Heart" Dungeon? Basically it's Mardi Gras, your Cleric's a cute co-ed, and the trolls and golems all wanna give her beads. Lots and lots of beads.
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dgbatchelorMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 6Arc User
edited May 2013
Why do the girls at Moonstone love going around scantily clad?
I was playing D and D board game for first time ever and this happened. - Norrec was walking along and all of a sudden he comes across a town. He goes to the local tavern and no one is inside but this witch and her cat. Norrec all of a sudden gets shrunk to the size of a mouse and eaten by the cat. - Game over in 15 minutes XD.
Three clergy got together to do a charity event for the disaster victims of Mt Hotenow. After the event the clergy got together to see how the money would be divided. For some needed to go to the poor, some needed to be donated to each of their patron gods or goddess, and some needed to be taken for their setting up and running the event.
The priestess of Selune said“let us draw a ring upon the ground and throw the gold up in the air that, thet falls inside the ring we will give to the poor, the gold that falls outside the ring we give to the deities, we will keep nothing for our efforts, just take joy that we helped those less fortunate."
The priest of Waukeen shakes his head“I have a better way. We draw a ring on the ground and we throw the gold into the air and whatever lands inside the ring we keep for all our hard work and expenses, and what lands outside the ring we split between the poor and the deities."
The priest of Garl Glittergold shakes his head“You are both daft!” “Do you not believe in your deities?” “This is the best way to divide up the Gold. We draw a ring on the ground, We pray to our divine being, and then rise and gather the gold, We toss it into the air, what gold our deity wants they will take, and bless the poor with their divine power, the rest that falls to the ground will be our blessing from the gods and goddesses for our good works."
I hope you enjoy this joke... I need a new mouse.... Someone else may have the keyboard :P
"Trust Your Instincts"
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dgbatchelorMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 6Arc User
edited May 2013
Where's the best place to look for misplaced creativity?
A kobold fishing at the riverbank spots another kobold on the other side. Curious as to wether the other one is having better luck than him he calls: "Hey, you there! How do I get to the other side?"
The other kobold looking very confused at being asked such a silly question shouts back at him: "But you are on the other side!"
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woodlanddrakeMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
Three adventurers meet up in a tavern. What? You want more?
Ok, so one turns to the others and boasts: "I am a Fighter, master of the melee."
One of his comrades replies: "I too am a master of the melee!" to which the Fighter says: "So you too are a Fighter?"
"No, I am a Monk" is the other's reply.
"What is a Monk?" asks the Fighter.
"A Monk is master of the body, using it as a powerful weapon to vanquish his foes in the front lines."
"So you are a Fighter" asserts the Fighter.
"No, I am a Monk." By now the Monk is very exasperated by the Fighter's ignorance.
"What is a Monk?" asks the Fighter again.
"Barbarian, tell him."
The Barbarian steps forward and says: "Monk fight with fist."
The Fighter ponders this for a moment, then he asks, "What is a Barbarian?"
We're making characters and I decide to step out of my usual rolls and just make something fun, halfling monk. DM has me roll stats and I get the following (not in order), 18,17,17,16,14,14. For 5 levels I played a character that had never been damaged in combat by a single monster...and who also never rolled higher than a 5 for REF saves. Never made one successful save. Character finally dies from a fire that he can't esacpe from (because I can't make the save). DM happy that this abomination is dead has me roll up a new character. First roll 18. Second roll 17. Third roll 17. DM closes PHB and declares a break from D&D. Last 3.5 game played.
So two dwarves walk into a luskan brafull for a massage the first one goes in for his massage. soon after the waiting dwarf hears "1 2 3 ahhh! 1 2 3 aagh!" after about 45 minutes he comes back out and the waiting dwarf states "you must have got a good massage i could hear you yelling from the other room" to which the other replies "hell no it took 45 minutes for me to jump up on the bench"
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silinthiusMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have any GUTS !!
Guts .. get it !! No guts .. knee slapper .. i know!!!
A dwarf walks into a tavern. The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?"
The dwarf says, "Give me three pints o' ale please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the dwarf proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The dwarf says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one is in Mount Hotenow and one back in the mines around Icespire. We made a vow to each other that every ten-day's night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three ales too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the dwarf came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The dwarf said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
Comments
1) There are 4 TR in the group. 3 of them are wearing a full PvP set.
2) The DC is not sure what the group means by "the blue"
3) Anybody in the group wants to or thinks you need a tank.
4) It's during a DD event, the group composition is perfect and there's an item you need from that dungeon.
5) You've been playing for the past hour or so and everything has been going smoothly.
6) Someone insists that the group can complete the instance without a Cleric - "We just need to all summon our healing companions"
7) "Don't worry, we can totally 4 man this"
8) "Don't worry. I know a trick for this place"
The Lich says:
- I can't stand those clerics always "turn undead this, turn undead that", can't gather an army anymore.
The Tanar'ri says to that:
- You don't say, well i can't even attack the blasted cleric because of that stupid protection versus evil, so irritating.
The bandit responds while crying:
- You guys think you have it bad with priest. After my mum comes back from a sermon in the temple of Torm she spanks me cause' I'm a bad boy.
Moral of the story: Smoking ziggurats are hazardous to your elf...
And if a D-Holder is not fearsome enough, beware what they call it behind everyone's back ... a Die Tyrant!
They just cannot tree the forest for the seas.
A: Gifted
Q: What did the human say to the halfing?
A: You are half the man I used to be
Q: What would you get if you cross a dwarf & a halfling?
A: A Gnome
Q: What did the Control Wizard say when he disagrees with his party mates?
A: Nothing. He just Repels them off the edge of a cliff.
Q: Why was the Trickster Rogue kicked out from his guild?
A: Cos everyone had enough of his tricks
Good or bad, terrible or great the Twenty sides that control your fate.
Another roll another day, but alas your tide of fates,
your Twenty sides of life should awake, your die ,twenty sided, has decided to break.
Because it's Never Winter...
He liked being around familiar faces
--
Why wouldn't the wounded halfling approach the campfire?
Because he was told this game didn't have any friendly fire.
--
Why didn't the skeleton receive a reward after winning his PvP match?
No guts, no glory.
"This looks good. Really good. But say, I don't see this mentioned anywhere on here: can you turn undead?"
"Uh, no sir. I can't"
"Oh really. Huh. Well, have you ever resurrected a fallen companion?"
"Can't say that I have."
"Odd. You can heal wounds though, right?"
"No. What are all these questions about, anyway? I thought this was an office job!"
"What gave you that idea?"
"The ad said you were looking for someone to perform clerical duties!"
Because he was AGGROvated
Three clergy got together to do a charity event for the disaster victims of Mt Hotenow. After the event the clergy got together to see how the money would be divided. For some needed to go to the poor, some needed to be donated to each of their patron gods or goddess, and some needed to be taken for their setting up and running the event.
The priestess of Selune said “let us draw a ring upon the ground and throw the gold up in the air that, thet falls inside the ring we will give to the poor, the gold that falls outside the ring we give to the deities, we will keep nothing for our efforts, just take joy that we helped those less fortunate."
The priest of Waukeen shakes his head “I have a better way. We draw a ring on the ground and we throw the gold into the air and whatever lands inside the ring we keep for all our hard work and expenses, and what lands outside the ring we split between the poor and the deities."
The priest of Garl Glittergold shakes his head “You are both daft!”
“Do you not believe in your deities?”
“This is the best way to divide up the Gold. We draw a ring on the ground, We pray to our divine being, and then rise and gather the gold, We toss it into the air, what gold our deity wants they will take, and bless the poor with their divine power, the rest that falls to the ground will be our blessing from the gods and goddesses for our good works."
I hope you enjoy this joke... I need a new mouse.... Someone else may have the keyboard :P
The Lost and Foundry.
It's the only time "greed" comes before "need"
The other kobold looking very confused at being asked such a silly question shouts back at him: "But you are on the other side!"
Ok, so one turns to the others and boasts: "I am a Fighter, master of the melee."
One of his comrades replies: "I too am a master of the melee!" to which the Fighter says: "So you too are a Fighter?"
"No, I am a Monk" is the other's reply.
"What is a Monk?" asks the Fighter.
"A Monk is master of the body, using it as a powerful weapon to vanquish his foes in the front lines."
"So you are a Fighter" asserts the Fighter.
"No, I am a Monk." By now the Monk is very exasperated by the Fighter's ignorance.
"What is a Monk?" asks the Fighter again.
"Barbarian, tell him."
The Barbarian steps forward and says: "Monk fight with fist."
The Fighter ponders this for a moment, then he asks, "What is a Barbarian?"
Because its never winter.
We're making characters and I decide to step out of my usual rolls and just make something fun, halfling monk. DM has me roll stats and I get the following (not in order), 18,17,17,16,14,14. For 5 levels I played a character that had never been damaged in combat by a single monster...and who also never rolled higher than a 5 for REF saves. Never made one successful save. Character finally dies from a fire that he can't esacpe from (because I can't make the save). DM happy that this abomination is dead has me roll up a new character. First roll 18. Second roll 17. Third roll 17. DM closes PHB and declares a break from D&D. Last 3.5 game played.
He didn't have any GUTS !!
Guts .. get it !! No guts .. knee slapper .. i know!!!
The dwarf says, "Give me three pints o' ale please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the dwarf proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The dwarf says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one is in Mount Hotenow and one back in the mines around Icespire. We made a vow to each other that every ten-day's night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three ales too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the dwarf came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The dwarf said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."