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Forums > Home› Neverwinter Discussion › General Discussion (PC)

Neverwinter Jokers and Jesters Wanted!

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  • pessypessy Member Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Control wizard Entering last stage dungeon... Umm this will be hard fight last boss must be so EPIC Hard ...and i feel so alone here...Lets try that at least....oh no he is coming so close to me...Repeeeeeeeel..."boss falling over the edge... Congratulation you finished last Stage you obtained new title HERO of Neverwinter
  • imperishableniteimperishablenite Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    During a run to a dungeon, an elf says where he can find winter. The dwarf says, "Winter? Its NeverWinter here!"
  • enactogenenactogen Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 5 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A female zombie walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a minute, a really drunk bar patron comes over to her, leers, and says, "Dang, you're ugly, but I'll still sleep wi' ye!"

    The zombie shrugs and says, "Sorry, but I'm immune to critical hits."

    ^__^
  • gunitiwagunitiwa Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A Trickster Rogue walks into a PVP-bar... There is no counter.

    Neverwinter - The perfect game for northeners of Game of Thrones, no fear for white walkers!
  • angrydmangrydm Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A man in a tavern turns to the guy next to him and says, "hey buddy, want to hear a great half-orc joke?"

    It's dark and the man isn't really looking and he's pretty sloshed, so he doesn't see the guy next to him really well, so the guy says to him, "listen, buddy. I'm a head taller you than you, I've got about fifty pounds on you, and I'm a half-orc. Not only that, my brother over there is taller than me, twice as strong, and he's got a greataxe. He's also a half-orc. And our cousin, sitting next to him, is the biggest of all of us and can punch a hole in a brick wall with his fist. He's also a half orc. So... do you REALLY want to tell that joke?"

    The man thinks it over for a second and finally shakes his head. "Nah, you're right. I don't want to have to explain the punchline three times."
  • docchainsawdocchainsaw Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A myconid walks into a bar and the bar tender says "we don't serve your kind here".
    The mushroom man replies "why not, I'm a fungi".
  • chipstackerchipstacker Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Dude, my girlfriend is always hangin' off of other guys... boy, she Tieflin'...
  • pharoah4187pharoah4187 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 25 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"

    "In a cave." the parrot replies.
  • paraspriteparasprite Member Posts: 3 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Which is the Justin Bieber?
    R: Castle never!
  • gravechildxgravechildx Member Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    "This is a clean place you got here, guess all evil wizards have a gelatinous cube" said the rogue to his wizard captor. "That's no gelatinous cube, that's my wife!" replied the wizard.
  • ver121ver121 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    What's more deadly than a dragon with bad dice rolls?
    Animated wooden log with lucky dice rolls.

    Seriously, learned it the hard way.
  • sasheriasasheria Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    What do you call GWF? Punishment.

    Sasheria is a devoted Cleric. She has been all her life and knows nothing else. She is traveling with her party to an Inn for a night rest before heading out on a big adventure campaign. She walks up to the barkeep and shout very loudly, "GIVE SOMETHING THAT IS BETTER THAN ALL THE LOSER IN THIS INN!" The room feel into silence and some reach over their weapon and some preparing their spells. Sasheria turn around and face the crowd and said "What? I'm going pull aggro all day tomorrow, might as well start now!"
    To grow old is inevitable, to grow up is optional.
    Please review my campaign and I'll return the favor.
  • enderlin50enderlin50 Member Posts: 993 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Three dragons walk into a bar... there were no survivors.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • gman71110gman71110 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Q: Where do you find an Orc with no arms or legs?
    A: Right where you left him. :D
  • arbarukarbaruk Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 8 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Arby, a Damaged Guardian Fighter get's out the ICU
    Arby: I @#$@ Hate Wizards!!!
    Cleric: What happened to you Arby
    Arby: All they want to do is to push mobs from any single cliff that we find
    Cleric: So what..?
    I used to Lunging strike a lot...not anymore :/
  • zanarkiszanarkis Member Posts: 7 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    i got dressed up as a nerd one Halloween. i call this one, "I win at D&D!"

    14667_1282254097701_6284221_n.jpg
  • misterme314misterme314 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 11 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    the party finds a decapitated ogre,
    the paladin looks over at the dead body and says :

    seems like someone wanted our friend here... cut down to size
  • olvanatorolvanator Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 25 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    "Group looking for GWF, PST"

    ;)
  • angrydmangrydm Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A skeleton wanders out of Neverdeath Cemetary and into a tavern. "Get me an ale," he says "and a mop!"
  • yourmumsteryourmumster Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Logitech G400 Gaming MICE as contest prize?! It's time for Catventurer!!! WTT/WTS Cat for 5g/10g/100g/Key.
  • synkodesynkode Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    What do you call a companion looking for a cheap player character? Great Weapon Fighter.
  • jerichoswa11jerichoswa11 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    So there were 3 adventurers, Qi palure (bumbling bard), manners (skinny halfing rogue), and squat (dwarf paladin). all walking down the path and squat falls down so manners tries to help him up. Qi keeps going whistling his tune not noticing the elf cleric and knocks all of her scrolls all over the ground. After Qi helps her pick up everything and in thanks she hands him a silver, and asks his name, apparently Qi palure pronounced is your breast in elf, offended she took back her silver and asked "Wheres your manners?" Confused Qi replied "Picking up Squat!"
  • ubernerdubernerd Member Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    When is a cleric not a cleric?

    When he turns undead!

    *drops the mic*
  • pharoah4187pharoah4187 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 25 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A human, an elf, and a dwarf are all contracted to build a palace for the great Sultan of the Efreet. Unfortunately, the massive dome collapses and the efreet's harem is crushed to death. Furious, the Sultan orders all three to be executed by beheading.

    The human is dragged by the efreet's servants to a massive obsidian guillotine. His head is locked in the stocks and they pull the lever. The obsidian blade drops -- and then stops halfway, apparently stuck. The Sultan says "It is the will of Imix that you be live, so you shall be set free."

    Next the elf is dragged to the guillotine. His head is locked in the stocks and they pull the lever. The obsidian blade drops -- and then stops halfway, apparently stuck. The Sultan says "It is the will of Imix that you be live, so you shall be set free."

    Finally, the dwarf is dragged to the guillotine. Just before his head is about to be locked in the stocks he looks up and says,

    "Ach. I see the problem!"
  • ess3neress3ner Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 3 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Two dwarfs walk home after a night in the pub, suddenly one of them shouts: "what's that?!" and picks up something off the street.
    the other smells it and replies: "looks like a HAMSTER from a direwolf".
    "Are you sure?" the other replies? and tastes it.
    "yep your right, its a HAMSTER of a direwolf. good thing we didnt step on it!"
  • feldionprimefeldionprime Member Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Dm says: You've entered a large room, in front of you is a chasm.
    Unfortunately the DM pronounced the 'CH' in 'chasm'
  • bizmutinbizmutin Member Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A party is fighting Balor on D&D 3E campaign.
    Balor attacks Paladin with his sword and rolls 20.

    He then gets ready to roll confirmation for critical hit.

    Paladin: "Oh please God, make him not comfirm it..."

    DM rolls confirmation.

    Paladin looks and says: "Don't tell me it's Vorpal???"
  • qcwheelerqcwheeler Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A dwarf and an elf step into the moonstone mask and sit at the table. The waitress asks if she could take their order.

    The Dwarf says. "I'll take a 24oz steak. Rare. With a bottle of Dragonfire."

    The Waitress responds, "And what about the vegetable?"

    The Dwarf looks at the elf and growls, "He'll take the steak too, and HE'LL LIKE IT!"
  • miorummiorum Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    During a dungeon-crawl, our Dragonborn Battlemind proved himself to be a handful by and rushing over to adjacent rooms and not giving our party much time to recover. The following happened:

    Wizard: Balazar! Stop rushing!
    Battlemind: Nothing bad happened yet!
    Bard: Excuse me, you keep DRAGON us into trouble!
  • fmstalkerfmstalker Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 3 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    The local bartender has been trying to serve ale all day, but the tap seems to be plugged up. He tries for a while to clear it, but eventually gives up and calls upon the blacksmith.

    The blacksmith comes in and the bartender explains the problem, leads him to the back room and he then leaves the blacksmith to his work.

    A few minutes later the blacksmith comes out from the back, wiping his hands with a rag and says, "You're all fixed up, barkeep."

    Amazed, the bartenders rushes to the back and tests out the tap. Sure enough, it's flowing like brand new.

    "Amazing work! What do I owe you?" the bartender asked.

    The blacksmith, still wiping off his hands, answers, "That'll be 3 gold pieces and a mug of your finest brew."

    The bartender's eyes grow wide and he shouts, "Three gold? Three gold? You were in there for less than 5 minutes."

    The blacksmith nods his head and says, "Well, that's the price. I can always go break it again if you prefer."

    The bartender reaches for a bag of coin, and counts it out for the blacksmith. He hands the blacksmith the coin and serves him a big mug of his finest ale. As he sets the mug down he says, "I was one of the best Treasure Hunter's the realm has ever seen for over twelve years, and I have never made three gold pieces for only five minutes work."

    The blacksmith takes a huge drink from the mug, wipes the foam from his mouth and smiles before he replies.

    "Yeah, I used to be a Treasure Hunter too...that's why I'm a Blacksmith now."
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