An empty chips bag. I would tell Tiamat it's full and she would obviously eat it (everyone loves chips and Tiamat's err... "fingers"... are not fit to consume chips sized for humans, so she would swallow the whole thing). Then she would choke herself to death with the unhealthy aluminium bag.
I have a coffee mug with some coffee in it. I spill the coffee on his feet and quickly fill it with lava and hurl it at his head. If I get heartburn so does he.
Varric the Cursed Dwarven cursed to be Tiefling CW Original Serenity Mostly Retired DC Tokarek Bearded Dwarven OP Tankadin JuiceHead Goofy Human GWF Member of H3llzWarriors and Limitless.
I grab it and hit her over the snout of one head while yelling: "Get of my lawn. Damn kids these days, put on five heads and thinks it makes some sort of dragon overlord. No in my day-"
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end of it.
(Is the prize a code to enter? I have this companion already but would love to be able to gift it.)
Yup, it'll be a code, which you can totally gift if you win
Call me Andy (or Strum, or Spider-Man)! Follow Neverwinter on Twitter: NeverwinterGame Like Neverwinter on Facebook: Neverwinter Follow me on Twitter: StrumSlinger
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andorrabellMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 437Arc User
Oh, look, a lovely bottle of Domaine Pont de Guestres, 2009. No problems here. I will distill the scorpion venom from the previous kills earlier in the dungeon. Being *very careful* not to get any on my skin I will combine the scorpion venom, wine (what a waste) and smear it onto the back of my special friend "Walnut" a tasty looking rust monster -where it will combine with the rust flakes into a fatal concoction. While I will feel terrible about this, I will send Walnut in first. Lostmauth surely cannot resist snapping up my loyal friend into his jaws. Next thing you know Lostmauth will be killed by his own snack. I suppose he should have planned on a real meal, instead. *chuckle*
As Lostmauth is in his death throes I hope to rescue Walnut, and with a few quick swipes of my ever-present towel (because I go nowhere without one) I'll set her to rights and set out to find my next adventure...
The nearest thing on my right at this immediate moment is a small, TARDIS shaped USB hub. However, desparate times call for desparate measures. So I grasp the TARDIS, turn to Tiamat brandishing it in front of me and in my best Matt Smith voice say:
"Alright Tiamat, I'm The Doctor. Even you in your demonic dimension must have heard of me by now. Your worshippers, the Silurians will have mentioned me in their prayers to you at some point. I don't carry weapons but I am never defeated by anyone or any thing. Just ask the Daleks, the Cybermen or even your distant relative the Loch Ness Monster. So I will give you one friendly chance to turn tail now and head back to the abyss from which you came or would you rather get first hand experience of exactly how I made my TARDIS this size ?"
Hopefully, this would result in one of two things happening. Either Tiamat would hesitate for a second before beating a hasty retreat...just to be on the safe side or she would collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter (not a pretty sight to be sure) at the preposterous nature of my speech/suggestion. I would either be perfectly safe (if she took the hint and left) or have more than enough time to make a hasty exit before she recovered from her laughing fit.
The nearest thing on the right is my smartphone... which I will use to distract Tiamat. I don't know anyone that can resist watching silly catvideos, so why would she resist?
The nearest thing I would grab is... well nothing. After watching the new Star Wars Movie, I have the power of the Force. "This is not the adventurer you are looking for".
Being left handed, there is nothing to my right. As a leftie, me thinks this contest might be biased.
However, I refuse to be a snack. So I hurl harsh language, the kind I normally reserve for driving in traffic. The power of this attack should not be under estimated.
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bigredbrentMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 155Arc User
I grab a fish and I feed it to Tiamat. Tiamat is satisfied and goes home.
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beckylunaticMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 14,231Arc User
I grab my wife's used, broken windows phone waiting to be returned to AT&T. I throw it at the middle head and yell "I double dog dare you to sync that with your laptop!" Laughing evilly all the while, because of course that's why it's being returned - it can't do that anymore.
And then as it dawns on me that all 3 heads are staring at me like "WTF is a laptop?" I realize the bright light zooming toward me is a ball of fire Tiamat spat up while snorting in derision at my pathetic attempt at defense.
Giving me just enough time to lament that I'm not wearing any flame proof gear, and thus will succumb to burning dragon mucus.
My wifi-router. I break off the antennas and throw both of them at the eyes of the Red Tiamat head. Red Tiamat Head gets some serious irritation and starts shaking the head, attempting to remove the antennas, but instead annoy the neighbouring heads. The heads then start fighting with eachother and I get to walk away unscathed.
I quickly grab Branwyn, the royal corgi hound! She gives me a confused "baroo?" as I hold her up to the dragon queen and shout "The Power of Derp Protects Me!" The brave canine derps as hard as she can, with her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth.
As Tiamat is briefly mesmerized by that mind boggling amount of Derp I tuck the dog under my arm like the tubby football she is and bravely run away.
Find me in game with @DoctorBadger (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
i grab some wooden toothpicks and go for the eyes! ...because boo isn't with me.
[Mitteilung] Von [Brienne von Tarth]: ach du bist der klugscheißer aus dem forum, wird ja immer schöner xD
[Mitteilung] an [Brienne von Tarth]: ja genau der bin ich
[Systemmeldung] Brienne von Tarth ignoriert Sie.
[Mitteilung] an [mich selbst]: pvp ist schon geil
Hmmm, sitting at work, to my right is my pen cup. With half a dozen pens. Well they say that the pen is mightier than the sword...
The DM has a sly grin on her face as she sits up late, writing the next module for her PCs. They think they will survive the foray into the temple of the Goddess Tiamat. How little they know.
As the hours pass...
Her scrawl becomes more unreadable as the hour increases. She looks up at the half moon shinning through the window. The slient hours. Sounds outside. Probably the alley cat.
She envisions the play through; re-reading the notes before her.
...
Strumadar runs in with his mace in hand towards Rath, the rage clearly showing on his face. Rath raises his hands and throws Strumadar back with a mighty force. Jacamo and Abyurin shake their heads and start picking Strumadar up.
Severin looks back to Rath handling the pesky adventurers. Sacrifices sometimes have to be made.
"Tiamat - rise!"
From the cavernous bowls of the temple, a hellish glow pulses. Low rumblings grow to an earth shakening rumble. Something emerges.
Dorf calls to the rest of the party. "We've taken out demons, what's a Dragon Queen to us?"
...
The DM looks happy at her work. They'll be lucky if even one of them survive to have the others raised from the dead.
A sound startles her. Looking up at the window she see the alley cat on the window sill. The cat's eyes glow with a hellish fire...
Oh dear. I was meant to beat Tiamat, not help her win. Also, thanks to the guest stars from Cryptic's DnD team *wink*
To my right is my phone bill. I show it to her. As she leans in to read the small print, I quickly slice the edge of the page against her nearest face, giving her a vicious paper cut. If I'm lucky, I'll crit and do like 1 point of slashing damage. She's as good as dead.
twitchdigit1Member, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 62Arc User
Well, I've got my dog...sooo...
I guess I would overwhelm Tiamat with his adorableness on the black head inducing cardiac arrest, put out the gas from the green head with his drool and drowning the green head, burn the red dragon by igniting gas from my doggies derrier with the dragon's flame breath, have him beg for belly rubs from the blue dragon thus destroying any animosity the blue dragon may have for me and making it retreat in terror that it could fall to a mere dog. Last, but not least, I have my dog tear the head off the white dragon and play fetch with me.
My dog is a 90 pound lovable, cute, loyal, beast of a guard dog.
Comments
Original Serenity Mostly Retired DC
Tokarek Bearded Dwarven OP Tankadin
JuiceHead Goofy Human GWF
Member of H3llzWarriors and Limitless.
I grab it and hit her over the snout of one head while yelling: "Get of my lawn. Damn kids these days, put on five heads and thinks it makes some sort of dragon overlord. No in my day-"
Call me Andy (or Strum, or Spider-Man)!
Follow Neverwinter on Twitter: NeverwinterGame
Like Neverwinter on Facebook: Neverwinter
Follow me on Twitter: StrumSlinger
No problems here.
I will distill the scorpion venom from the previous kills earlier in the dungeon.
Being *very careful* not to get any on my skin I will combine the scorpion venom, wine (what a waste) and smear it onto the back of my special friend "Walnut" a tasty looking rust monster -where it will combine with the rust flakes into a fatal concoction.
While I will feel terrible about this, I will send Walnut in first. Lostmauth surely cannot resist snapping up my loyal friend into his jaws. Next thing you know Lostmauth will be killed by his own snack. I suppose he should have planned on a real meal, instead.
*chuckle*
As Lostmauth is in his death throes I hope to rescue Walnut, and with a few quick swipes of my ever-present towel (because I go nowhere without one) I'll set her to rights and set out to find my next adventure...
https://www.theholycrusaders.com/
"Alright Tiamat, I'm The Doctor. Even you in your demonic dimension must have heard of me by now. Your worshippers, the Silurians will have mentioned me in their prayers to you at some point. I don't carry weapons but I am never defeated by anyone or any thing. Just ask the Daleks, the Cybermen or even your distant relative the Loch Ness Monster. So I will give you one friendly chance to turn tail now and head back to the abyss from which you came or would you rather get first hand experience of exactly how I made my TARDIS this size ?"
Hopefully, this would result in one of two things happening. Either Tiamat would hesitate for a second before beating a hasty retreat...just to be on the safe side or she would collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter (not a pretty sight to be sure) at the preposterous nature of my speech/suggestion. I would either be perfectly safe (if she took the hint and left) or have more than enough time to make a hasty exit before she recovered from her laughing fit.
"This is not the adventurer you are looking for".
However, I refuse to be a snack. So I hurl harsh language, the kind I normally reserve for driving in traffic. The power of this attack should not be under estimated.
Lots of the items people are citing are on their right side by happenstance, not because it's something they're about to pick up and use.
Good improvisation though.
Neverwinter Census 2017
All posts pending disapproval by Cecilia
May the Force be with me for the contest!
And then as it dawns on me that all 3 heads are staring at me like "WTF is a laptop?" I realize the bright light zooming toward me is a ball of fire Tiamat spat up while snorting in derision at my pathetic attempt at defense.
Giving me just enough time to lament that I'm not wearing any flame proof gear, and thus will succumb to burning dragon mucus.
Honestly, I don't know if I am trying to defeat/scare Tiamat off, or convince Tiamat that she wants to help me "take care" of this "problem".
As Tiamat is briefly mesmerized by that mind boggling amount of Derp I tuck the dog under my arm like the tubby football she is and bravely run away.
(Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
[Mitteilung] an [Brienne von Tarth]: ja genau der bin ich
[Systemmeldung] Brienne von Tarth ignoriert Sie.
[Mitteilung] an [mich selbst]: pvp ist schon geil
The DM has a sly grin on her face as she sits up late, writing the next module for her PCs. They think they will survive the foray into the temple of the Goddess Tiamat. How little they know.
As the hours pass...
Her scrawl becomes more unreadable as the hour increases. She looks up at the half moon shinning through the window. The slient hours. Sounds outside. Probably the alley cat.
She envisions the play through; re-reading the notes before her.
...
Strumadar runs in with his mace in hand towards Rath, the rage clearly showing on his face. Rath raises his hands and throws Strumadar back with a mighty force. Jacamo and Abyurin shake their heads and start picking Strumadar up.
Severin looks back to Rath handling the pesky adventurers. Sacrifices sometimes have to be made.
"Tiamat - rise!"
From the cavernous bowls of the temple, a hellish glow pulses. Low rumblings grow to an earth shakening rumble. Something emerges.
Dorf calls to the rest of the party. "We've taken out demons, what's a Dragon Queen to us?"
...
The DM looks happy at her work. They'll be lucky if even one of them survive to have the others raised from the dead.
A sound startles her. Looking up at the window she see the alley cat on the window sill. The cat's eyes glow with a hellish fire...
Oh dear. I was meant to beat Tiamat, not help her win. Also, thanks to the guest stars from Cryptic's DnD team *wink*
While Tiamat and Coco are busy exchangin hisses at each other,..............I'm running the other way.
Neverwinter Wonderland
Neverwinter Wet & Wild
Neverwinter 2nd Anniversary Montage
Neverwinter Anniversary Montage
Protector's Jubilee Speech
Oh the Carnage
I guess I would overwhelm Tiamat with his adorableness on the black head inducing cardiac arrest, put out the gas from the green head with his drool and drowning the green head, burn the red dragon by igniting gas from my doggies derrier with the dragon's flame breath, have him beg for belly rubs from the blue dragon thus destroying any animosity the blue dragon may have for me and making it retreat in terror that it could fall to a mere dog. Last, but not least, I have my dog tear the head off the white dragon and play fetch with me.
My dog is a 90 pound lovable, cute, loyal, beast of a guard dog.