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[Community] Review Request Thread (Forms/Spreadsheets)

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  • lvfaylvfay Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Thank you melinden!
    Eeek! I spent so much time tilting logs that i forgot about the campfire... ><
    Thank you so much for the feedback.

    Ok, I have sorted
    -the typo's,
    -put spaces in certain dialogues,
    -changed the map transition text,
    -made the fire on the bodies only show up when you are following the blood trail.
    -I have added two clickys on the two Orc Drudge bodies that are on fire near the foulspawn, one for before talking to the dryad and one for after, just for flavour.
    -I have also added an object for the evil decision to stop good people from being able to say no to freeing the villagers, which was potentially quest breaking (or at least logic breaking since Carol will believe you made the deal despite killing the Cleric >_<).

    Second edit -
    Well I have now
    -tilted all of the objects I could find that needed it, including the respawn fire,
    -added sound to both maps (including music at the Dryad grove and boss music on the second map),
    -added quite a few more bushes and changed a lot of trees to bushier versions (I was already approaching my detail limit so I couldn't put down much)
    -added a clicky on a stump near the Orc drudge bodies,
    -added a clicky on the hole in the ground,
    -added more green lights to follow as the new trees obscured the path a lot,
    -added a few things at the respawn fire to show Carol had been camped there.

    Thank you again for the feedback you gave, I probably wouldn't have even thought to do much of this if you hadn't helped me. :)
    Unexplained Disappearence - NW-DECL8P7FR
  • karakla1karakla1 Member Posts: 1,348 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    @Melinda, i fixed most of the errors and mistakes. Thank you again for playing. I only need 10 reviews with star rating to get my achivement :)
    plat.png
    Platypus wielding a giant hammer, your argument is invalild!
  • lvfaylvfay Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    I have re published my quest with all of the changes listed in my last post. I hope people will take a look at it now, I think it is pretty much finished now.
    karakla1 - I'm new to the foundry but I'll have a look at yours when I am next on, if you'll take a review from me. ;)
    Unexplained Disappearence - NW-DECL8P7FR
  • melindenmelinden Member Posts: 619 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    I'm glad to hear I could be helpful!
    Find me in game with @DoctorBadger
    (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
  • lvfaylvfay Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Ok, I'm back with a review for karakla1

    I enjoyed the quest, it had good pacing, good music and the map layouts were great. I really liked the hidden traps, the grey visual effect hides them well.

    Now for the nitpicking :)
    -When examining the body of Yorik it says 'partial' instead of 'partially'. I'd also suggest adding 'off' just after peeled, 'some' just before flesh and putting has been just after, so this would now be - 'his skin is partially peeled off and some flesh has been ripped from his body'.
    -Also there is a missing 'be' - 'His murderer must still *be* at the cemetary'.
    -At one of the headstones it says 'here lays persie Wiliams' - it should be 'here lies'
    -At Erwin Ascott's grave it says 'lives' - should be live. *maybe 'beloved' instead of 'loved', but I'm not sure if this change is needed*
    -At one stone, you use buried twice - 'Here is *buried* the future generations of the family Ascott *buried*'. How about changing it to - 'Here the future generations of the family Ascott are buried'.
    -At the couldron, the book says 'some of them tells how to create Lich.' - should be 'create *a* Lich'. 'necromancer' should be 'necromancers' and you should remove 'there' from - 'crypt of the Ascott family *there* to prepare a ritual.'
    -Yoriks' rucksack says - press F to Rucksack durchsuchen
    -The final boss says 'you are to late' should be 'too late'
    -The exit portal says - press F to Portal verwenden

    I hope some of this helps you. :)
    Unexplained Disappearence - NW-DECL8P7FR
  • ur1llusionur1llusion Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Well...here goes; my first Foundry quest. It's currently publishing...or is published, I'm not sure--but when it does appear, I'd greatly appreciate any reviews:

    Campaign: When Dragons Cry : NWS-DHD6LGFNS
    Quest: Lion's Maw and Dragon's Blood : NW-DS2QCYNYC
    @ur1llusion

    You are an aspiring hero who's just recently been accepted into the prestigious adventurer's guild, Aofduurn et Drakenhaal; aka "Lion's Maw and Dragon's Blood." However, it's been but a day and already the world requires saving--apparently, a certain Lord Solomnus Jark has turned traitor and allied himself with the violent and heretical Black Dragon Cult. Your very first guild mission is given to you by the Lord Ailearorus himself; find Solomnus, and kill him quickly. Simple enough, right? What ever could go wrong?

    Features custom-designed characters, multiple-choice dialogue, a bard who can't rhyme very well, riddles, a secret room filled with lore, and combat.
  • melindenmelinden Member Posts: 619 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Lion’s Maw and Dragon’s Heart:

    I played with my level 60 DC. I’m afraid I could not give this a starred review as I could not give it more than a 2 star.

    The maps are well constructed but in the dungeon section there was a lot of running through empty hallways.

    Also: Wow, talk about a complicated and in depth world and story. That is great. The problem was that I spent the entire time completely confused. I didn’t realize this was not connected to the Forgotten Realms at the beginning so I was trying to make sense of the names, dates, and locations from source material that doesn’t have anything to do with your world. It was made even harder since a group like “Black Dragon Cult” sounded like it would be an off-shoot or part of the Cult of the Dragon which is in the game.

    I usually carefully read every dialogue but to be honest by the 3rd map I was just getting through as quickly as possible since I was so lost and frustrated. If I didn’t have to talk to each NPC I could have avoided some of the peripheral material and just stuck with the main story.

    I think you have enough material here for 4-5 foundry quests. The fact that the material is unique to you isn’t a problem as long as you are clear about that at the beginning and you give the information to the player in small pieces. One series that does this very well is The Lands of Mirent Tusk (start with the Dungeons of Mirent Tusk on the Best tab).

    General dialogue comments:

    -the dialogue options for my character seemed really erratic. Either I was stuttering since I was so amazed by those people before me or I was really heartless and cruel. It was quite jarring. It also seemed like my character was supposed to be quite young, 17-21 or something. She’s 45 so that really didn’t fit.

    -most of the assumptions made in the dialogue assumed my character is sexually attracted to women. As she is a heterosexual female this is not true.

    Dragon’s Head Pub:

    -You may want to put a fire in the fireplace. That room already has the light by the fireplace but no fire detail, it is a little odd. This would make sense since you have an NPC stoking the fire.

    -the arguing cooks were quite funny

    The Guild Hall:

    -I think this is a step missing in one of Ezekiel’s dialogues. At one point I’m telling him not to insult a guild leader and then he tells me where to meet him later (in theory for him to tell me more?) and that ends the conversation.

    -When I opened the portcullis it didn’t actually open which was confusing. It seemed you had a lot of dialogue on the interact but I didn’t get a chance to read it. I did find the way around through the ruined wall.

    -OK, the copy of Ezekiel who appears after the unlocked door tells me where to meet him, that seemed to make more sense.

    -some music in the scene before meeting the Lord and the Lady would be nice.

    Moorspire Manor Catacombs:

    -it would be nice if speaking to all the NPCs was optional and not required

    -ok, I have to speak to all the NPCs who have very long conversations AND then I have to read a set of instructions. At this point the quest was starting to feel like work.

    -There are some other ways that players could end up with only one item in their inventory. Telling them to discard the extra items is somewhat clunky. A dialogue prompt could generate a detail they can interact with that consumes the item, for example. Or the NPCs don’t give them the items, the player selects a single item off of a table.

    -When I was working on the Eternal Riddle you have the quest objectives set at Reach Point near the NPCs who represent the parts of the Riddle. Since I looked around the room before talking to any of them it meant that I cleared those quest objectives by accident

    -in one of the last conversations with the Weeping Jester he says “If it were Aofduurn et Drakenhaal place to wreak such judgment!” “Wreak” doesn’t seem to work there. “Proclaim”, “hand down” or something similar might work better.

    The Bitter Lands:

    -The final chest is facing away from the player, into the hillside. You probably want to turn it.

    -it is preferred if you have a door or other exit detail for the player after the final chest, something other than Press F to Go to Next Map


    Super extra turbo nerd questions and comments:

    -What language is Aofduurn et Drakenhaal supposed to be in? I’m seeing sorta, Fantasy elf, half Latin/French and then maybe an odd variety of Dutch in there?

    -In the daily specials list the “Belcher’s Brew” is supposed to be a beer by all other description but is called a “meade”. Mead (without an E, with the E it is mostly a last name) is alcohol made from honey and isn’t a beer. It is excellent, however.
    Find me in game with @DoctorBadger
    (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
  • ur1llusionur1llusion Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Thank you for your review! Yeah, we definitely got a little carried away with the dialogue, I'll admit (I say "we;" this quest was a joint effort between me and two friends).

    Do you think I ought to cut out the beginning of the Moorspire segment (where you have to talk to the NPCs and the mirror and the blah-blah-blah...)? It seems horribly unnecessary, and while I think the design of the riddle part is visually nice, I feel that the quest would do better without it...
  • melindenmelinden Member Posts: 619 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    I think cutting that dialogue would be helpful BUT I think you really need to revise the entire quest, not just do copy-editing level stuff like working on a single conversation. I would recommend working with your friends to outline the story and where you want the plot to lead (you also telegraph the ending a little heavily, you can dial that back a bit). Then you can look at that outline and find the distinct pieces that make up the story and make each of those its own quest in a campaign.

    Spacing out the material will let the players keep up with all of the new information you are giving them as they go.
    Find me in game with @DoctorBadger
    (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
  • ur1llusionur1llusion Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Sound advice, I agree.

    Again, thank you for your feedback, it's really been helpful.
  • karakla1karakla1 Member Posts: 1,348 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Thank you lvfay for your response i will fix it as fast as i can. :)
    plat.png
    Platypus wielding a giant hammer, your argument is invalild!
  • imaginaerum1imaginaerum1 Member, NW M9 Playtest Posts: 378 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    Are you an old-school AD&D player with fond memories of module T1: The Village of Hommlet?
    Are you tired of the same old follow-the-sparkles-and-kill/take/click-what's there quests?
    Do you enjoy custom maps and detailed dialog?
    Then try my quest, "T1: The Village of Hommlet", now available in the Best tab, #NW-DBDB7A38M.

    The entire module has been converted to Forgotten Realms/Neverwinter, both the village and the moathouse.

    * Optional Mini-Quests, including a Drinking Contest * High Detail Level (close to budget cap on two of three maps) * Interlinking dialog - What happens with one NPC affects others * 100 Customized encounter/NPC costumes * Multiple Ways to Advance the Quest * Shortcut to the second map for those wanting to go straight to the fighting * Detailed dialog for those who enjoy roleplay * The same crummy green end-chest (hey, it can't all be good).

    Please give it a try.

    Thanks.
  • torontodavetorontodave Member, NW M9 Playtest Posts: 992 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    saved for editing
    NW-DSQ39N5SJ - 'To Infinity, and BEYOND!' - Spelljammer Quest. Skyships, Indiana Jones moments
    NW-DC9R4J5EH - 'The Black Pearl' - Spelljammer! Phlo Riders and Space Orcs
    Thanks for all the fish.
  • phoenix1021phoenix1021 Member Posts: 532 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Hello, I'm new here!
    I am experimenting with the Foundry the last few days and found this thread. Unfortunately it seems that this system stopped being maintained, so I'm just asking like this. It is really difficult to get revies for Foundry quests it seems.
    I'd like some feedback on my first quest, it has the ID NW-DEKNTKA8X. I'm mainly just learning mechanics, but I managed to write a bit of dialog too, just nothing too exciting (english is not my first language, so I'm still a bit afraid/unsure to write more complicated stuff). I'd really love to get some feedback mainly on the mechanical side. How the envoirments look, how the quest works, are the encounters balanced, the costumes fitting etc.
    If anyone could find 10-15 minutes trying it out and leaving a review, I'd be so thankful! I promise I'll test out a few Foundry quests myself too. I already play quests from the review tab every day.
  • tipadaknifetipadaknife Member Posts: 229 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    My playthrough: http://www.twitch.tv/tipa16384/b/627928373

    Not much plot, not really any characters, lots of static encounters, pre-made maps. The English was pretty good. I think weaving the story into your quest would improve it quite a lot. I had no idea why the Duergar had shown up until the very end. Were the Duergar and the goblins working together?

    Duergar encounters can be difficult for some characters. I'd have put fewer of those, and maybe other encounters dressed like Duergar. Also, add some variety -- maybe Duergar have tamed spiders or are working with renegade drow or goblin slaves or something.

    I didn't realize I was in the final fight until it was nearly over. Make the boss more imposing and add some structure to the final fight so that it feels like a climax.

    If you would like, I still need more plays on "Crushbone's Revenge", link is in my signature. Thanks!
    dec2014nwsig.png
  • phoenix1021phoenix1021 Member Posts: 532 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Wow, thank you! That helps me a lot actually! I will take that into consideration when making my next quest. Also I will try to be more secure about writing a story next time!
    About the boss fight, is there any way to make an enemy stronger? I just used one of the adventurer encounters and put a standard encounter on top of it. Also, how can I find out if an enemy and a costume work together in animations and everything? Could I for example just put down a dire polar bear, make it look like a dwarf and that would work?
    I'll try out your quest right away!
  • tipadaknifetipadaknife Member Posts: 229 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Making real boss fights is something everyone struggles with; the easiest is just to find some elite mob (frost giant is a favorite of mine) and dress it as you like. You can't really get away with dressing animal encounters, like the bears, as humanoids, as the animations don't match up. Same going the other way.

    For your quest, I wouldn't have had the final boss be a Duergar at all. I'd make it something more imposing. You already used an ogre earlier in the dungeon -- maybe an ogre dressed in a lot of armor would be a good boss. You can use the advanced editing tools to give the ogre back his neck and head, and boom -- instant boss.
    dec2014nwsig.png
  • melindenmelinden Member Posts: 619 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    A Rescue Mission: NW-DEKNTKA8X

    I played with my level 60 DC. I agree with Tipa’s comments. The story element at the end was interesting but without any indication about it there wasn’t much to keep my interest as I was killing mobs. The only thing foundry Authors can really offer players is a story so you really want to but that front and center.
    As you get more practice you’ll want to customize the maps to make them more unique.

    Rakish Noble:
    -in the second dialogue box he says “One of my friends has got missing.” I believe would want to say “One of my friends has gone missing.”
    -in the third dialogue box “days travel” should be “day’s travel”

    Path Outside Neverwinter:
    -it seems odd that this location was to the north of the city on the map since Waterdeep is to the south of Neverwinter and that is where the caravan was headed.
    -the music and sky backdrop was very good
    -you may want to put that tent by the zone in area on the flatter surface and add some other “camp site” details
    -you may want to have the wolves Wander since it is a little odd to have them just standing there. The bears’ Wander settings worked well but you may want to slow down the Wander speed, they were moving rather fast for foraging bears.
    -it seems odd that there was no obvious connection between the human looters and the goblins. Maybe you want to make the looters into goblins or have the player track down the stolen items but find out that the looters don’t know where the missing people are being held?

    Caves:
    -for both caves you probably want to make your encounters more active when they are waiting to be killed. You can have them patrol or wander, but you can also have them talking, gambling, sleeping, working, etc. The ambient animation list will give you more ideas.
    -you explain the Duergar at the end but then that makes the goblins seem really out of place.
    Find me in game with @DoctorBadger
    (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
  • phoenix1021phoenix1021 Member Posts: 532 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Thanks for all the feedback, guys!
    Based on your reviews I updated my quest, wrote some new dialogs, redid some encounters, made the story a bit more clear.
    It is still the same ID NW-DEKNTKA8X. And I am still thankful for every review I get!
  • gutspasmgutspasm Member Posts: 8 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    Hi all, I've just published my first foundry quest and I'd love some feedback. I've tried to give some back story and humorous dialogue as well as a variety of encounters; would like to know how it plays and if encounters are balanced etc...
    NW-DUPUOIQ2W
    Happy to review others in return. Thanks in advance.
  • shrike025shrike025 Member Posts: 50 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    Hi gutspasm, I'm looking for some feedback too. We could play each other's quest and review if you like.

    Mine is called Double Party NW-DDI8G8OSL. A lot of monster killing stuff, but side quests and exploration should be decent as well.
    Double Party
    NW-DDI8G8OSL
  • gutspasmgutspasm Member Posts: 8 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    shrike025 wrote: »
    Hi gutspasm, I'm looking for some feedback too. We could play each other's quest and review if you like.

    Mine is called Double Party NW-DDI8G8OSL. A lot of monster killing stuff, but side quests and exploration should be decent as well.

    Will do. As soon as foundry is back up.
  • mcdrymcdry Member Posts: 16 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    By the time "The Foundry" is again on, can someone please play my new quest? I added lots of details and a bit of story. I really like some feedback. The description with more details are on this page.
  • shrike025shrike025 Member Posts: 50 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    ok let's just play each other's quest. I was off for a couple of days, but I'm back, so I'll do the reviews asap.
    Double Party
    NW-DDI8G8OSL
  • mcdrymcdry Member Posts: 16 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    If you two set your quest again online (it's possible now), I play them for sure.

    PS: I'm looking also for some plays... got only 2.
  • shrike025shrike025 Member Posts: 50 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    Mine should be online, I am able to find it in-game. Double Party NW-DDI8G8OSL

    I'll play yours today.
    Double Party
    NW-DDI8G8OSL
  • gutspasmgutspasm Member Posts: 8 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    shrike025 wrote: »
    Mine should be online, I am able to find it in-game. Double Party NW-DDI8G8OSL

    I'll play yours today.

    Hi Shrike. Just played it, was enjoying the start; the bar is great, love the DJ. BUT transfer to 2nd map wouldn't load. Think it's a problem with the recent release. I got stuck in her bedroom...luckily I had a scroll to get back to PE.

    Only crit I'd give so far is that I was unsure of the reason for the combat, sure the story will prob come out later on, but I'd have like a little hint as to why they were there.

    Let me know when you've sorted the map transfer and I'll give it another go.
  • mcdrymcdry Member Posts: 16 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    Same here.
    I havn't seen your post gutspasm, so I have written exact the same thing on shrike's thread.
    If your quest is online, gutspasm, I'll play it now.
  • gutspasmgutspasm Member Posts: 8 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    I'm getting the same problem with yours MCDRY. Can't transfer from the Inn...
  • mcdrymcdry Member Posts: 16 Arc User
    edited April 2015
    You can do it also manually. Exit from Lyncols Inn by the escape sign under your mini-map. Than reload the NEW map "burning memories". After the first manually load this error is fixed and the systhem loads the map automatically.

    I'll play my quest again anyway and fix this error. But thank you for the information

    Edit: Error fixed

    mcdry
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