Personally I would leave out killing the hero unless you want that to be a big thing with him, ie he never kills again or some such.
For a twist most people wouldn't go for, how about he meets the hero, and gains a quick advantage with his darkness powers, but then gets his butt kicked because he sucks at fighting since he has no real experience, just shadow boxing *sorry couldn't resist*
Then the hero could provide proof of his parents/the evildoer and then become his mentor. Maybe the hero had been tracking *insert villain* for a long time, they having (limited?) immortality etc maybe thru the knives. Thus the hero is ready to retire and Shade could take his place, and learn true fighting skills from him.
Hmm i like the idea of the hero being his mentor i've gotta think up the hero's powers.
building upon your idea perhaps during his fight with the hero he accidentally calls upon his shadow powers again, but unable to control them due to inexperience with the power puts him at a disadvantage, allowing the hero to pin him. haha i didn't like the idea of him being inexperienced with the martial arts/knives, but the powers i could handle =]
[as a side note, you have dragged me into gladiatus. I've found having a handful of browser games in my pocket while waiting for a game is a good way to pass the time haha. sadly my friends are draggin me back to WoW as well.]
Hmm i like the idea of the hero being his mentor i've gotta think up the hero's powers.
building upon your idea perhaps during his fight with the hero he accidentally calls upon his shadow powers again, but unable to control them due to inexperience with the power puts him at a disadvantage, allowing the hero to pin him. haha i didn't like the idea of him being inexperienced with the martial arts/knives, but the powers i could handle =]
[as a side note, you have dragged me into gladiatus. I've found having a handful of browser games in my pocket while waiting for a game is a good way to pass the time haha. sadly my friends are draggin me back to WoW as well.]
I hear ya on the browser games and WoW too for that matter
As to inexperienced part, I didn't mean he wasn't good with them, just that he didn't have combat experience. Probably didn't explain what I was thinking too well. Basically the difference between learning to fence for competition and learning to fence for your life.
For example, I read a article one time about a police officer who was in a shooting, and he and the bad guy both ran out of ammo while about 40 feet apart. They both started to reload, fortunately the officer had spent more time practicing and was quicker right? Yes but that was also the problem. See the dept. reloaded spent brass and so when he dumped the shells out of his revolver he swapped hands automatically and looked down for the bucket to drop the empties into..... The good news is he quickly recovered and managed to get a few shells in the cylinder and pull the trigger enough times to get the bad guy who by this time was walking forward thinking he had him.
So not saying your hero isn't a badass, just that maybe he isn't quite ready for primetime. I mean he could be the best in his city, doesn't mean he will take gold in the Olympics or can take a veteran hero down.....
Main thing is something you will enjoy, and also to wait for Lord Liaden to come along. He for sure will have some awesome ideas
i also just figured out that theres actually a "Darkness" framework. im stoked.
Cool beans Also when Lord gets here, I expect he will have a comment about something that hit me the other day after I logged. Who paid for the house after the parents went away? Even if they didn't have a mortgage, someone had to pay the taxes and keep the lawn up.
I can think of a couple ways around it, could have had a lawyer set up with some cash to maintain things ie pay the mortage/taxes etc, the lawn care company got paid so they kept mowing the grass even as the house got more and more run down looking. This could work if they were hiding from bad guys or were the bad guys as it would help keep a low profile if everything was in the name of the law firm.
Well, I've always been a fan of the "cartoon origin." At least, one that can be summed up fairly quickly. In that vein, my origin story is fairly complete. Just need a name for my dual-blade wielding ice master <.<
Cool beans Also when Lord gets here, I expect he will have a comment about something that hit me the other day after I logged. Who paid for the house after the parents went away? Even if they didn't have a mortgage, someone had to pay the taxes and keep the lawn up.
I can think of a couple ways around it, could have had a lawyer set up with some cash to maintain things ie pay the mortage/taxes etc, the lawn care company got paid so they kept mowing the grass even as the house got more and more run down looking. This could work if they were hiding from bad guys or were the bad guys as it would help keep a low profile if everything was in the name of the law firm.
ahh. foster parents? being so full of anger due to his parents leaving/dying he could be pretty harsh and rejective of his foster parents, ussually spending his time alone and out of the house (i.e. training). << Maybe in some deserted warehouse?
I dont think i know enough about the legalities of it to successfully build off of what you were getting at.
Well, like I said, it's nothing too indepth or special. I have an Ice-road trucker working through a blizzard, when his truck careens off the road. He ends up on a big sheet of ice, which (expectedly) collapses under the weight of the truck. When the dust settles, our hero is in a cave. Inside, is an ancient, mystical set of blades that afford him dominion over the ice. Being the good person he is, he decides to use these newfound powers for good.
ahh. foster parents? being so full of anger due to his parents leaving/dying he could be pretty harsh and rejective of his foster parents, ussually spending his time alone and out of the house (i.e. training). << Maybe in some deserted warehouse?
I dont think i know enough about the legalities of it to successfully build off of what you were getting at.
This is the original idea:
Boils down to if you have a mortgage you "own" the house but you owe the bank a ton of money. So you have to pay them or they take back the house just as if you didn't pay the monthly payments on a car. Taxes/insurance are usually built in ie you just make one payment each month and they pay the taxes etc.
Where I was going with the lawyer angle was that if your parents were wealthy (whether they showed it or not) was they could have enough money set aside to handle it all and a law firm to take care of the details. Also explains your "allowance" being automatically deposited in a bank account allowing you buy buy food, training gear, etc. This is what I would go with, as it would be simplest to explain if it came up. Maybe just a line about signing some papers when you turned 18/21 etc to get your monthly stipend increased or the remainder released to you etc.
Foster Parents:
That could work as well. Older couple, never had kids of their own, no real idea of what they are getting into and thus not sure how to deal suddenly with a sullen teenager who spends all his time alone. They finally say well at least he isn't into drugs and he's passing all his classes, so they leave you alone in the basement. Which you occasionally sneak out of to practice your Darkness powers in secret/safety if you go down that road.
PS: This is a lot of work as you can see, and no one starts out with all the answers. I had a guy like Lord Liaden as a buddy/mentor when I first started, which is the main reason I have half a clue what I am doing. But in the end it will be worth it as you will have the character in mind, and be able to really RP him and that is a good thing
Ok, so what I have so far. Feedback and thoughts are appreciated.
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Genius Loci; the spirit of a place. The phenomena is old. Tract is older.
Coming into existence when the world was young, the only suitable word to describe Tract would be "ancient". Though you wouldn't know by looking - it slept through most of it, so it doesn't look a day past venerable.
Sleeping is the meaning of its existence, and all was well until recently. There were the occasional disasters in the early ages, but they calmed early on and soon primitive man settled in the region that was Tract. Until the end, a period that passed in the blink of an eye for it, the two sides had an unspoken arrangement. The natives would leave the land in peace, and the land would provide for them. In some extreme cases, Tract would physically rise to protect the natives from serious disasters. It was only natural - the natives were as much a part of Tract as the soil.
When the apes conceived of war, things became bad. When the native tribe were finally evicted from the lands that were Tract, things became worse. That was the turning point, and the throes in Tract's slumber began. Soon there was industry, fueled by wars, which were fueled in turn by more industry. If the machines of production weren't hammering the Earth and blasting the sky, the machines of war thundered loud enough to make whole continents shake.
Then came the superhumans. Clashes of unprecedented proportions, feuds and hatreds of never before seen intensity, each seeking out the other, and each following the last ever faster.
Finally, Tract's sleep was broken. And the angered spirit rose for the first time in an age.
With an effort, the lands of Tract gathered themselves up. The plants uprooted themselves and intertwined, grasping at the earth and bonding it tight with their vines, branches and roots. The soil packed onto the frame and compressing to the density of diamonds. Water gathered inside the plants, filled every crack in the outside shell and sublimed across its surface as an icy skin. Finally, by slipping into the vessel, the spirit of Tract turned the whole of its lands into a single body.
For days, the lumbering bulk of Tract plowed across continental North America, coming down from the mountains, crossing Canada from north to south and reaching the border to the United States. Inside, the currents of man and nature Tract had been following centered on one place. He traced them, until he reached the city.
Millennium City was astounding. Millions of people flashed before Tract's perceptions, bright as meteors and fast as insects in flight. The foundations of the place were packed thick with death and disaster, but the structure above was a sharp contrast - hopes, dreams and ambitions flowed through the streets of Millennium and the sight struck a note so deep that Tract forgot his anger.
Then a sickening taint spread across Tract's senses and the invasion began.
Having taken the form of a humanoid, the people of the city quickly ran to him for help. Apparently they thought him a hero, a... "Champion", and they pleaded for him to save them.
Tract's decision was quick; calming a situation by snuffing out a disaster was what had kept him sleeping throughout the ages, so he set out to stop this like he might any other.
After all, if all went well, he might return to sleep in a century or so.
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So here we have a massively powerful being, who is groggy like a co-ed on Monday mornings. Great setup for an RPG, methinks, but I'm here for feedback and input, so please feel free.
First off, Tract is not its body. It is a massive consciousness that uses the avatar as a focal point to allow it to move around. As such, its travel power would be teleport - Tract effectively slingshots the body from one end of its sphere of influence to the other, then lets its consciousness snap back to the body, extends the influence forward again, flings the body forward, rinse and repeat.
As far as powers go, I've been giving the framesets some thought and came up with a list of Electricity, Force, Ice, Might, Sorcery/Supernatural, and maybe Telekinesis/Telepathy, depending on the powers found in those.
Might/Super Strength would represent the massive power behind a body like this one. Force would represent a limited control of gravity in Tract's sphere of influence, perhaps the wind even. Electricity would come from the fact that Tract has everything needed for a thunderstorm at its disposal - Earth for a negative charge/grounding, water it can control at will to form clouds and generate a static charge - and because I heard there is an AoE attack in that framework that you can turn into a toggle aura. I'm big on aura powers, to give the notion of its consciousness exerting influence over the immediate area some credibility. This is also why I'm considering the Tele powers - Tract is a powerful spirit, after all.
Sorcery/Supernatural, IIRC, is supposed to have summonable pets/guardians in the form of animals, which would fit Tract's nature well.
What I'm most curious about is how well this could fit into the Champions continuity, so any thoughts on that would be appreciated.
I've also been wrestling with Tract's Nemesis, but since this is a lot to consider already, that'll follow later.
First off, Troubleshooter, I'd like to compliment you for a strong, compelling origin story. I really like how you present the progress of historical events from the point of view of an immortal elemental being, and timing his coming to Millennium City with the Qularr attack is a very clever way to motivate his "change of heart."
If you intend to play Tract in the MMO, I would just suggest that his power should'nt be conceived as too "massive" to start with compared to other supers, since he'll be a beginning PC. Perhaps his power can be more potential; as Tract becomes more comfortable with this humanoid avatar, he'll be able to channel more of his total strength into it.
As far as Champions Universe continuity goes, there's certainly precedent for this concept. Genius Loci of various sorts and power levels are already part of the setting. Most pertinent to Tract, (Spoilered for people who don't want any secret information)
the large San Sebastien Swamp outside of Vibora Bay is a collective life form that's sentient, intelligent, and can create a humanoid avatar out of vegetation a la Swamp Thing or Man Thing to protect itself and interact with humans.
In your story you seem to imply that Tract has come to Millennium City from Canada. While IMHO you don't need any more justification for Tract than the origin you've given, you might like to know that CU Canada is the abode of four ancient, immortal, immensely powerful spirits who embody fundamental forces of nature: the Land, the Sea, the Sky, and the Ice. Land and Ice have been in conflict for eons for control of the region, with Land currently dominant. In the modern Age of Superheroes the Land has empowered several superhumans with great elemental forces to be its agents in this battle. Some of them have become superheroes, others villains -- their goals don't always match those of the Land, nor are the Land's priorities always the same as man's.
As for a Nemesis, since Tract has come into being in response to the despoiling of the natural world by industry, and the escalating collateral damage from superhuman combat, I would suggest that his nemesis should be the head of the industrial corporation which has done the most harm to Tract's true "body," and perhaps secretly a superpowered villain himself, maybe with technological abilities to contrast with Tract's elemental ones. Many high-tech companies have their head offices in MC, so it's easy to justify them both being there. If Tract came into conflict with operatives of this company when he first manifested, this corporate villain could have been injured during the struggle and been rebuilt as a powerful cyborg.
One other point: given Tract's mindset when he first manifests, and the extended period it takes for him to get to Millennium City, you might consider whether you want him to attack any other population centers, or fight with any superhumans, along the way. That could make for interesting future complications for Tract if he attempts to continue as a superhero in MC (e.g. supers he defeated looking for payback, or Canada wanting Tract extradited for "crimes" there). OTOH since Tract can teleport, and presumably can sense the high concentration of superhumans (and industry) in Millennium City, he could have made a bee-line directly there.
I'm with you on the way Tract's powers should work/improve - he's been asleep for a good few thousand years, so he's groggy like nobody's business and won't be smiting Dr. D with ease anytime soon. So the ideas I put down are more like a road map to the max level, and to keep it in the ballpark, thematically.
On the Nemesis front, I had something spiritual in mind. Tract is physically nigh invulnerable - destroy his body and he'll simply form another one, or repair the damage if it isn't too extensive (Regeneration as a defensive power would make sense). But his consciousness, while nice and plump from eons of sleep, is pretty defenseless. He could soak an assault on his spirit for a while, but he'd be pretty much helpless to do anything against it, while he could just smash any physical threat.
So a Nemesis like that would have more of a threat to it than a purely mundane one.
But the ideas you brought up are some I haven't considered before and they could mesh together quite well.
Initially, I was thinking of an old malicious spirit that was forced to hop from body to body, losing power over time instead of gaining it like Tract. So while it was once a mighty power in its own right, it left more and more of it behind with every jump until it was reduced to a parasite and forced to rely on cheap parlor tricks. And it has to be a woman. There aren't nearly enough villainous women Nemeses out there.
Its current body would be a young girl, granddaughter of the spirit's former victim.
But this combines well with the Canadian industrialist thing. The grandmother could have amassed a lot of wealth - married a rich industrial tycoon, even - and left it to her new body, which would let her hard work count for longer than usual and would allow her to use the time in this body more efficiently.
An accident at one of her company's sites in Canada could alert her to Tract's existence and then the fun could begin.
This spirit is forced to jump from body to body because the vessels age, and every jump leaves it weaker, until eventually it expires completely. Its goal then, would be to regain immortality and build up a more permanent power base. Tract would be an ideal target; a being with a wealth of amassed power, the ability to form a powerful, malleable body again and again, and utterly immortal. The spirit would salivate over the prospect of dominating Tract's spirit.
To protect itself from Tract and to allow for its capture, she could rely on technology, while employing magic herself. A modern-day sorcerer knight, in power armor instead of plate mail. The defense and physical strength provided by the suit would allow her to go toe-to-toe with the behemoth, while her magics could come from talismans and artifacts she acquired under the guise of a collector of antiques.
Her minions could be your typical MiB killer suits, privately owned mercenaries or even Canadian agents who are basically innocent and with legal reason to bring Tract in.
So I'm thinking about a werewolf character, so does anyone know whats canon in CO about lycanthropy?
Not sure about super details, but for the most part you can do just about anything you want. IE yes the disease lycanthropy exists as well as the usual rat, shark etc variations. For something really unusual you can always just use the magic item or curse version.
In other words, if you want a traditional werewolf then just say you got bit. If you want one a bit off the beaten track, then there's what I call the homemade version, ie the belt made from wolf hide with spells cast over it that allows the wearer to shift forms, or say the family was cursed by a witch or even granted the power as a reward.
If I run across something concrete online, I will let you know.
**edit** just want to add that in the PnP game, most anything can be made to happen. I had a character (Nightmare as a matter of fact) who was born a mutant infected with lycanthropy. Was originally meant as a example to other players of how not to go overboard (the original 250 pt version could take on whole teams and win) but made into a real character was actually fun to play since he had so many flaws to RP.
There haven't been any details spelled out about "official" lycanthropy in the Champions Universe. I can think of one published villain called Black Fang who was cursed with lycanthropy through the spell of an evil sorceror. In many ways he's a typical gothic wolf-man at a power level suitable for the supers genre: involuntary change during the lunar cycle; humanoid but fur-covered with a wolfish head and tail; exceptionally strong and fast, highly resistant to injury except vs. silver and fire. One major difference from the classic werewolf is that Black Fang is like a Mr. Hyde personality separate from his human host; he retains his host's full intelligence and many of his memories and skills, but with a savage, bloodthirsty personality. Of course all this needn't be the only form of lycanthropy -- as Nightmare said, in a comic-book world these concepts are typically pretty fluid, depending on the needs of the story.
You might also consider a scientific origin for your werewolf. The villain Fenris was obsessed with proving a scientific basis for the legend of lycanthropy, and created a "werewolf serum" which gave him some of the physical prowess of a natural wolf, but with animalistic instincts he finds increasingly difficult to control. He's attempting to develop treatments to give him greater control over his wolf nature, and would be likely to test them on kidnapped subjects.
Finally, the CU already includes a few mutant shape-shifters who can assume certain animal forms, such as the villains Menagerie and El Sauriano. As with Marvel mutants these abilities usually emerge during puberty.
So it seems that we'll be able to make an entire Rogue's Gallery of nemeses. That's great, but I had trouble coming up with one Nemesis to start with, and I'm not even sure about that one yet.
Ideally, there would be one prime nemesis, but I'd like to have something that could physically threaten him, too. Kind of like the Bane to his Batman, where as the prime nemesis would be his Joker. Joker screws with his mind, Bane could break his back.
So what could physically threaten a walking mountain? And I'm still not sure about that first Nemesis. Any input or feedback would be appreciated. Your thoughts?
Not sure about super details, but for the most part you can do just about anything you want. IE yes the disease lycanthropy exists as well as the usual rat, shark etc variations. For something really unusual you can always just use the magic item or curse version.
In other words, if you want a traditional werewolf then just say you got bit. If you want one a bit off the beaten track, then there's what I call the homemade version, ie the belt made from wolf hide with spells cast over it that allows the wearer to shift forms, or say the family was cursed by a witch or even granted the power as a reward.
If I run across something concrete online, I will let you know.
**edit** just want to add that in the PnP game, most anything can be made to happen. I had a character (Nightmare as a matter of fact) who was born a mutant infected with lycanthropy. Was originally meant as a example to other players of how not to go overboard (the original 250 pt version could take on whole teams and win) but made into a real character was actually fun to play since he had so many flaws to RP.
Yeah I was thinking about him being cursed by the leader of a gypsy clan during the 15th century because his father accidently killed the clan leaders child while hunting wolves. The line being something like "You took my child now I take yours, your family is forever cursed, to forever hunger as wolves do."
So the kid becomes the first of a breed of werewolves, the curse is perminantly on so he/she has to control thier emotions otherwise they turn into this slobbering, uncontrolable beast.
If they were to bite someone then that person would turn into a permenant werewolf, they can never take human form and cannot pass on the curse unless the person if of the child's family in which case they turn into a wolf like him and have to control themselves like the kid. I'm planning to have the father be the second werewolf but embraces it siring his "pups" and only retaining his human form occasionally. So then this kid feels guilty and spends the next hundred years hunting down papa dearest and his new "children."
In the modern day he gets lead that papa has been living and hunting in the canadian wilderness so he sets off to kill him.
powers gonna be enchanced senses, strength and agility as well as selective shape shifting such retractable claws, he can summon the spirits of the wolves he's killed. The moon does affect him, he becomes more powerfull nearer to full moon but finds it extremely hard to keep human form.
he does not age but can be killed, however the wolf will bring him back taking over a little bit more each time.
Yeah I was thinking about him being cursed by the leader of a gypsy clan during the 15th century because his father accidently killed the clan leaders child while hunting wolves. The line being something like "You took my child now I take yours, your family is forever cursed, to forever hunger as wolves do."
So the kid becomes the first of a breed of werewolves, the curse is perminantly on so he/she has to control thier emotions otherwise they turn into this slobbering, uncontrolable beast.
If they were to bite someone then that person would turn into a permenant werewolf, they can never take human form and cannot pass on the curse unless the person if of the child's family in which case they turn into a wolf like him and have to control themselves like the kid. I'm planning to have the father be the second werewolf but embraces it siring his "pups" and only retaining his human form occasionally. So then this kid feels guilty and spends the next hundred years hunting down papa dearest and his new "children."
In the modern day he gets lead that papa has been living and hunting in the canadian wilderness so he sets off to kill him.
powers gonna be enchanced senses, strength and agility as well as selective shape shifting such retractable claws, he can summon the spirits of the wolves he's killed. The moon does affect him, he becomes more powerfull nearer to full moon but finds it extremely hard to keep human form.
he does not age but can be killed, however the wolf will bring him back taking over a little bit more each time.
sound alright?
Alright is a matter of opinion, if you like it, and it doesn't glaringly break any lore "rules, then it's all good
And yea, I think you can run with that. The moon making him stronger part will pretty much be a RP thing as will the wolf taking over more and more each time unless they do a villain cross over in the future .
But yea, hunting down Dad to stop him from creating new werewolves etc sounds like it could lead to some serious RP. One thing to keep in mind tho, is this isn't probably something he would talk about with just anyone to come along. I mean being immortal and wanting to hunt down your own father isn't something that would normally come up over tea and crumpets.
By this I mean make sure you story will give you what you want. If you want a dark, brooding hero who doesn't talk about his past much, then this could work well. If you want someone who wears his heart on his sleeve and talks to everyone, then I don't see this working as well. If he's had a few centuries to come to terms with it, then he should be pretty much talked out.
Game mechanics wise, I think the power set looks good. I like the summon wolves idea. A bit of good news in a otherwise bad situation if you will. That wasn't part of the original curse, but maybe something to do with him. Maybe a latent mutant ability that came out with the curse.
Alright, I've already mentioned my superhero Devil Squid, and I have his power set pretty much ironed out now (ink blasts, healing, reflexes, suction pads for wall crawling), thanks to some help here. But I've been thinking over the possibility for gadgets, and I think he could benefit from a wider arsenal of equipment than just the throwing stars/disks I've given him. He also incorporates armored vests in his costume, elbow and knee pads, a leather helmet in his mask, hand/wrist wraps, and weighted-knuckle gloves. It was easier to wiki real stuff than make stuff up. I'd appreciate ideas for gadgets, either realistic or scifi, that would kind of fit his character.
Alright, in a spat of part-time job boredom I really started to flesh out the character whose origin I lazily put together. It's now shaping up to be kind of a story, and if I had any sort of artistic ability I'd have a summer project! Unfortunately, I get about as far as stick figures. But you can get the story nonetheless.
After a showdown between Commandant Cold and his nemesis Professor Pain leaves Pain's Stronghold frozen (with the Professor along with it) and Cold nowhere to be found, professional odd jobber Isaac Allen (think Malcolm Reynolds-esque) is hired out to loot the base, steal some evil and dastardly plots from Pain's mainframe. With his muscle-bound partner-in-crime Scott Gardner and always in-touch scout/handler Sara Dorian (along the lines of a Cortana i.e Voice in commlink), Isaac and Scott infiltrate the base and generally take whatever they want. Enter El Scorcho, a super-villian (Flame based and Hispanic!) with simliar intent. The pair flee into the base, dodging fireballs and such. After sliding down a hidden passageway, the pair come across Pain, frozen solid with a nice blue sword in his hand. Isaac decides this'll be his weapon of choice against El Scorcho, and breaks Pain's hand off to obtain the weapon.
*Plot Twist!*
The sword was used to steal the powers of Commandant Cold, but worked too well. The hero's powers overloaded (hence the frozen base) and his consciousness was locked inside the blade. Isaac receives both the powers, and an annoying, uber-heroic voice inside his head. Realizing the Commandant knows more about doing battle with super-villians, Isaac lets him run the body they now share as he fights El Scorcho (signified by our Hero's eyes shifting from brown to blue). Ice based powers, swordplay, the whole shebang. After the fight, the ever-heroic Cold gives control back to Isaac, and the whole group gets the hell outta dodge.
Sooo....yeah. Future stories would be Isaac trying to sell the stuff he's looted, including the sword. Trying to get the hero outta his noggin, with various effects, and El Scorcho thawing out Pain and the two of them teaming up to finish off what they started.
Alright, I've already mentioned my superhero Devil Squid, and I have his power set pretty much ironed out now (ink blasts, healing, reflexes, suction pads for wall crawling), thanks to some help here. But I've been thinking over the possibility for gadgets, and I think he could benefit from a wider arsenal of equipment than just the throwing stars/disks I've given him. He also incorporates armored vests in his costume, elbow and knee pads, a leather helmet in his mask, hand/wrist wraps, and weighted-knuckle gloves. It was easier to wiki real stuff than make stuff up. I'd appreciate ideas for gadgets, either realistic or scifi, that would kind of fit his character.
I missed the earlier parts but based on him being mutant (or whatever) with powers, the gadgets would need to be something to augment his existing powers or fill in gaps. Spidey's webshooters gave him both a travel power and a ranged attack. So I would say you could do something similar here. You have ink blasts, so I could see some form of melee gadget, as well as the armor you mentioned.
Figure out his backstory (if you haven't already) and use that as inspiration for the kinds of things he might come up with. If he got his butt handed to him by a gun wielding villain, he went home and googled bullet proof vests
Alright, in a spat of part-time job boredom I really started to flesh out the character whose origin I lazily put together. It's now shaping up to be kind of a story, and if I had any sort of artistic ability I'd have a summer project! Unfortunately, I get about as far as stick figures. But you can get the story nonetheless.
After a showdown between Commandant Cold and his nemesis Professor Pain leaves Pain's Stronghold frozen (with the Professor along with it) and Cold nowhere to be found, professional odd jobber Isaac Allen (think Malcolm Reynolds-esque) is hired out to loot the base, steal some evil and dastardly plots from Pain's mainframe. With his muscle-bound partner-in-crime Scott Gardner and always in-touch scout/handler Sara Dorian (along the lines of a Cortana i.e Voice in commlink), Isaac and Scott infiltrate the base and generally take whatever they want. Enter El Scorcho, a super-villian (Flame based and Hispanic!) with simliar intent. The pair flee into the base, dodging fireballs and such. After sliding down a hidden passageway, the pair come across Pain, frozen solid with a nice blue sword in his hand. Isaac decides this'll be his weapon of choice against El Scorcho, and breaks Pain's hand off to obtain the weapon.
*Plot Twist!*
The sword was used to steal the powers of Commandant Cold, but worked too well. The hero's powers overloaded (hence the frozen base) and his consciousness was locked inside the blade. Isaac receives both the powers, and an annoying, uber-heroic voice inside his head. Realizing the Commandant knows more about doing battle with super-villians, Isaac lets him run the body they now share as he fights El Scorcho (signified by our Hero's eyes shifting from brown to blue). Ice based powers, swordplay, the whole shebang. After the fight, the ever-heroic Cold gives control back to Isaac, and the whole group gets the hell outta dodge.
Sooo....yeah. Future stories would be Isaac trying to sell the stuff he's looted, including the sword. Trying to get the hero outta his noggin, with various effects, and El Scorcho thawing out Pain and the two of them teaming up to finish off what they started.
Feedback would be greatly appreciated
Hmmm, I was expecting more from the two minds/one body angle. As in the hero didn't actively take control, but just nagged the crap outta Isaac until he helped people to shut him up. And in the process discovered he liked helping people, ie it filled some deep psychological void to be needed or some such.
Well, it IS just a start. And the active control thing was more of an emergency measure. The prior hero knows the powers pretty well, after all. And Isaac's all about surviving. As time would go on, he'd be more in control of the powers, more reluctant to let the hero take over. He'd still be the most annoying upstanding hero in the world, and that would cause him to bug Isaac's head a lot.
Well, it IS just a start. And the active control thing was more of an emergency measure. The prior hero knows the powers pretty well, after all. And Isaac's all about surviving. As time would go on, he'd be more in control of the powers, more reluctant to let the hero take over. He'd still be the most annoying upstanding hero in the world, and that would cause him to bug Isaac's head a lot.
I didn't mean to sound negative if that's how I came across. Just trying to say what I expected and how I might approach it.
Oh, I wasn't reading it as negative. Just trying to explain where I was coming from. And it's all a moot point anyway, we've got enough backstory for me to have a hero anyway
I missed the earlier parts but based on him being mutant (or whatever) with powers, the gadgets would need to be something to augment his existing powers or fill in gaps. Spidey's webshooters gave him both a travel power and a ranged attack. So I would say you could do something similar here. You have ink blasts, so I could see some form of melee gadget, as well as the armor you mentioned.
Figure out his backstory (if you haven't already) and use that as inspiration for the kinds of things he might come up with. If he got his butt handed to him by a gun wielding villain, he went home and googled bullet proof vests
Well, the origin is pretty much normal guy meets lab accident set up. Larry Talbin was a normal guy until a lab accident gave him powers. The origins are fuzzy beyond that (I have no clue what he was doing in a lab). But he's still kind of an average Joe. Not sure how to what kind of device to adapt to his ink blasts, maybe a pressurized jet thing to make it pack a punch or something?
A melee weapon would definitely work well, I just can't think of one.
very general concept for for a girl, may change after I get some sleep and go though my old Champions book again, but anyway, oh and by way mispelling may abound right now,
She a swordswoman, fast and agile, Super Speed/Super Reflexes, as example her normal speed/reflex 5 tomes faster then an average human, but for short periods of time can speed up to 10 times faster then her normal speed, but pays for the extra boost in speed though lack of energy, depending on length of extra speed would determine how long she is out of the picture, and with her high metablism due to her speed she is always carring around high carb snacks such as power bars and such to chow down on after a quick burst of speed, and that's as far as I've gotten so far. Brain is totally blank right now on how she got the speed, or anything else about her at all right now.
You know now that I think about it when I get up in a few hours I'm gonna have to crack open Poser and see if I can create a image of her and see if that will being to mind more story for her.
Well, the origin is pretty much normal guy meets lab accident set up. Larry Talbin was a normal guy until a lab accident gave him powers. The origins are fuzzy beyond that (I have no clue what he was doing in a lab). But he's still kind of an average Joe. Not sure how to what kind of device to adapt to his ink blasts, maybe a pressurized jet thing to make it pack a punch or something?
A melee weapon would definitely work well, I just can't think of one.
I can't think of an original, non-generic reason for him being in a lab. However, considering his "squid" theme/concept, I think the weapon of choice would more naturally go along the lines of multiple whips/chains or other "flexible" weaponry that could repressent his tentacles.:)
very general concept for for a girl, may change after I get some sleep and go though my old Champions book again, but anyway, oh and by way mispelling may abound right now,
She a swordswoman, fast and agile, Super Speed/Super Reflexes, as example her normal speed/reflex 5 tomes faster then an average human, but for short periods of time can speed up to 10 times faster then her normal speed, but pays for the extra boost in speed though lack of energy, depending on length of extra speed would determine how long she is out of the picture, and with her high metablism due to her speed she is always carring around high carb snacks such as power bars and such to chow down on after a quick burst of speed, and that's as far as I've gotten so far. Brain is totally blank right now on how she got the speed, or anything else about her at all right now.
You know now that I think about it when I get up in a few hours I'm gonna have to crack open Poser and see if I can create a image of her and see if that will being to mind more story for her.
Well, I think it'd be too copycat to say she got hit by lightning but, the way you describe her powers as draining her for periods of time after "over-usage" makes me think of more of a "PULSE" (Feel free to use that as part of her name like Pulse of Vengeance, Vengeful Pulse or any other) and that gave me the idea: What if she was a simple maintenance employee at a satellite station (pulsing signals) who happenned to be working close to the energy core when a maniacal (and very generic, I know) super-villain tried to use the planet's satellites to augment the range and power of his doomsday device which instead overloaded the satellite causing the core to fall out of it's containment unit and break against the floor, letting out an immense pulse of energy that fused with our "janitor turned heroine"?
Just an idea. You may not even like it, but it may trigger some ideas of your own as well.:)
I can't think of an original, non-generic reason for him being in a lab. However, considering his "squid" theme/concept, I think the weapon of choice would more naturally go along the lines of multiple whips/chains or other "flexible" weaponry that could repressent his tentacles.:)
I couldn't think of a reason for him being in a lab either, especially since he is not a scientist, so the unspoken rule for him is, don't explain it. Let it be a mystery that people wonder about. They ask how he got his powers, he says lab accident, and the rest goes unsaid. Dodgy, but kind of fun.:D
But yeah, I was thinking of having him use a cat o nine tails whip, but then I realized guys like Batman has a ton of gadgets, and all he has is some armor stuff, throwing disks, and a whip.
Though it works for Catwoman, so maybe...
Well, I've only had the guy in my head for about a year now, and I've only done a little with him, so I'm sure he'll get more fleshed out with time.
Plus I'm currently working on a similar hero with a more Iron Man feel called Steel Nautilus. He'll probably be a bit more full with the arsenal side of things.
Well, I think it'd be too copycat to say she got hit by lightning but, the way you describe her powers as draining her for periods of time after "over-usage" makes me think of more of a "PULSE" (Feel free to use that as part of her name like Pulse of Vengeance, Vengeful Pulse or any other) and that gave me the idea: What if she was a simple maintenance employee at a satellite station (pulsing signals) who happenned to be working close to the energy core when a maniacal (and very generic, I know) super-villain tried to use the planet's satellites to augment the range and power of his doomsday device which instead overloaded the satellite causing the core to fall out of it's containment unit and break against the floor, letting out an immense pulse of energy that fused with our "janitor turned heroine"?
Just an idea. You may not even like it, but it may trigger some ideas of your own as well.:)
Aye lightening over done but I like to idea of the pulse generator type accident for her power. Well definitely have to see what all I can come up with it.
alright, figured I'd post my 3 am instantly typed up origin story here.
Throughout his life, he's been only known as Ghist, a wandering merc who prefers to let his twin katanas Aura and Spark do the talking for him. Of course, these are strange times, times that call for radical changes for both the world, and the people residing on it.
Ghist has adapted to grow himself alongside the world and participate in the SERAPH Project. Located in a base in the middle of Utah, the SERAPH Project was founded to create soldiers through gene-splicing to fight against the threat of villains like Dr. Destroyer in such an event that the Champions somehow fell. Unfortunately, the results weren't 100% reliable, and often manifested themselves in strange ways. For Ghist, he grew six angelic wings and increased strength and speed. His sister, Nemusu du Nova, as she now calls herself, developed the ability to control fire, wind, and ice at will.
Out of all 284 candidates, only two people came out of that building and into the harsh Utah sun; Ghist, and his sister Nemusu. However, while Ghist took well to the project and was able to adapt at a reasonable rate, his sister far exceeded both him, and the projects parameters. This, however, was not without its consequences. In being able to control such a fearsome ability, Nemusu's mind was not spared the onslaught of the raw power inherent of the elements. This drove her insane, and was the cause of their exodus from the facility, now reduced to a smoldering and magically unstable crater in an otherwise unremarkable place.
'We wil meet again, brother, and when we do, I will claim your beautiful wings for my own!' With that sentence, Nemusu flew off towards the east. Ghist has been following her trail of destruction and chaos since that day, and it has led him to Millenium City. There he seems to have found his place among the heroes already present, and is ready to find his sister, and put the terrible tragedy of the SERAPH Project behind him.
Ive been thinkin of a guy id like to make named Hunter Clarke and when he was a child he'd be the student of a high powerfull magician who was killed when one of his tricks went horribly wrong and some of his powers sepped into him. as he grew up the powers manifest into something more and he discovers that he has the abilities to manipulate objects or move things around and trick the minds of other to think things they otherwise wouldnt. He uses the powers for his own uses such as getting extra lunch in school to making sure he gets a job in a interview. But as he matures he realizes he could use the powes to help people rather than for his own personal gain. He Chose the Name Arcanum for his secret identity and tries to be a heroic as he can. Hed be in a Orange and probably dark red or green and yellow costume and he wouldnt use weapons just his own powers
Another one id like to try is a guy who was in the military but a explosion had half his body practily destroyed but one of the scientists took his bosy for his own uses and turned his half shatterd body into a machine when he finnaly comes to he discovers that he is no longer himself and kills the cscientist for what he has done to him. he learns that it was a goverment plan to use dead soilders to make robotic units so there would be less causualties but he hadnt been dead, but he also was a patriot so he decided to use his new body to try to help people. He would look normal excpept for the left side of his face and his right arm where his face would be covered in a plate and his arm would be twice the sixe of a normal human arm and from the elbow to the wrist it would be like a oval chamber which would house a asortment of devices such as a portable shield and explosives along with darts with a high powerfull nurotoxin to parylize opponents. he would also be hihgly trained to use firearms and explosives im trying to think of more :P
Hello fellow Champions! I am fairly new to the community; I have been reading the forums for a few months now, but this is my first official post. I wanted to post a backstory to the power armor styled hero I'd like to make when CO comes out, and I'd like some opinions and advice on it. It's just a short little blurb I came up with at 3 a.m. so don't expect a novel
"Andrew Smith was just a normal geek. He loved technology, video games, and dreamed of being one of those heroes he always read about in comic books. He lived across the street from a military weapons testing facility. He watched them bring in crates every day that contained secret weapons not meant for civilian eyes.
One late night, a large explosion happened at the facility. Something had fallen from space and landed in the middle of the military installation, the impact nearly collapsing the entire building. A small alien pod landed, containing millions of nano-bots and an alien AI. The AI was programmed to build a super weapon for the being that created it. The AI commanded the nano-bots to seek out, repair, and absorb all the technology laying around.
Andrews curiosity was so intrigued by what he had seen from his window that he ran out the door and across the street to see what the commotion was about. Standing in the middle of the crater, he noticed strange weapons that seemed to move on their own. He didnt see the nano-bots that were carrying the tech had slowly started crawling up his legs.
He noticed a sharp pain and looked down to see little robot bugs digging their way into his skin! He started panicking and tried to run, but his feet were so heavy from the alien robots that he tripped and fell headfirst into the alien pod.
The pod closed up with all the military tech that the nano-bots had absorbed, and Andrew as well. By the time morning came, the pod re-opened. A humanoid, seemingly made of liquid metal stepped out. It had armor plating on its forearms, chest, shoulders, legs and feet, and lacked a nose, mouth, and ears. The nano-bots had integrated all the weapons and the alien AI into Andrews body, making him a new being.
Andrew was able to create weapons from his metallic body at will. Anything he could think up with his imagination was at his disposal, including force-fields and shields to protect him. The AI enhanced his nervous system 50x greater than before, and allowed Andrew to see into different spectrums, such as heat, ultra violet, and even let him see 360 degrees around. He was also able to produce powerful jets from his feet and hands that let him soar through the air.
Because of his dream of being a comic book hero, Andrew decided to live his new life dedicated to stopping crime and evil wherever he found it .after making sure his girlfriend was O.K. with it! He named himself Silver Seraph and began defending the weak and upholding truth, justice, and the geek way!"
Well, IMHO a couple of major unresolved points hang over this story. First off, what's the ultimate purpose of the AI, beyond "build a super weapon for the being that created it?" It certainly seems ominous that this alien pod just happened to crash into a building full of advanced weapons. Why would it allow Andrew Smith to control this new armored body of his, let alone assist him? How would the AI benefit from him becoming a superhero? You can leave these issues as mysteries to be resolved later if you wish, but if I were Silver Seraph they'd weigh heavily on my mind.
Secondly, Andrew is now "seemingly made of liquid metal." You don't say whether he can assume a human appearance again; if not his former personal life will be pretty well shot. And in that case I rather doubt that his girlfriend would be O.K. with it. That kind of complication could actually be interesting from a role playing POV, but you'll need to deal with it one way or the other.
The AI is attached to the pod, not Andrew. its job was to create a weapon, and it did just that by enhancing everything the nanobots brought back into the pod. I guess I didn't make it clear enough exactly what role the AI played in the transformation.
As for his appearance, think Silver Surfer with a smoothed out head and armor plating, and possibly a bit of gold highlighting around his body. I meant "seemingly made of liquid metal" to describe the texture, not necessarily what he was made out of.
If you find any more plot holes please tell me! I want this to be perfected before CO hits stores
edit: BTW, I wanted the creation to be a bit ominous, as the Nemesis I plan to create will be the alien being that sent the pod in the first place. He will be trying to reclaim his "weapon".
Hello fellow Champions! I am fairly new to the community; I have been reading the forums for a few months now, but this is my first official post. I wanted to post a backstory to the power armor styled hero I'd like to make when CO comes out, and I'd like some opinions and advice on it. It's just a short little blurb I came up with at 3 a.m. so don't expect a novel...
...Let me know what you think!
Well, IMHO a couple of major unresolved points hang over this story. First off, what's the ultimate purpose of the AI, beyond "build a super weapon for the being that created it?" It certainly seems ominous that this alien pod just happened to crash into a building full of advanced weapons. Why would it allow Andrew Smith to control this new armored body of his, let alone assist him? How would the AI benefit from him becoming a superhero? You can leave these issues as mysteries to be resolved later if you wish, but if I were Silver Seraph they'd weigh heavily on my mind.
Secondly, Andrew is now "seemingly made of liquid metal." You don't say whether he can assume a human appearance again; if not his former personal life will be pretty well shot. And in that case I rather doubt that his girlfriend would be O.K. with it... That kind of complication could actually be interesting from a role playing POV, but you'll need to deal with it one way or the other.
And BTW, welcome to the community!
Hi, welcome to the other side!:) I actually liked the story. I don't even think it's absolutely necessary to explain the AI any further seeing how it's mission was to create a powerful weapon and that's exactly what it did. Nobody ever said the weapon couldn't be sentient. As to the role of the AI in the transformation, you explained the AI was in control of the nano-bots so it implies the AI was actually in control of the transformation.
The only part that seems weird to me is that a guy who spends his time dreaming of being a hero, thinking about technology (which includes learning about it first), reading comic books and playing videogames AND is already specifically described as a geek in the actual story could actually have a girlfriend. I'm not trying to be mean here, it just really shocked me when I got to that part of the story (Talk about your major plot twist ). I don't see this as a part of the story that needs to be removed though, I just think you should, at least, mention her earlier so that line about making sure his girlfriend didn't oppose is justified within the context.
Overall I think it's quite solid, specially for a 3 a.m. draft.:)
P.S. I hope you don't take offense to anything I said Lord_Liaden, I'm just doing what Silver Seraph asked: "Letting him know what I think." Just because I don't agree with your assessment doesn't mean I don't respect your oppinion.
Thanks for your opinion! Actually I used to think I was superman when I was a small child. I've always loved heroes and comics. Plus I'm a big computer geek, I love to build and tinker with'm, so I have a connection with my hero. Plus I am married to a gamer chick so its not too far from the truth.
In fact, I did have a mention of his gf earlier in the story, but It made the first paragraph seem too long and made me not want to read on so I edited it out.
I couldn't think of a reason for him being in a lab either, especially since he is not a scientist, so the unspoken rule for him is, don't explain it. Let it be a mystery that people wonder about. They ask how he got his powers, he says lab accident, and the rest goes unsaid. Dodgy, but kind of fun.:D
But yeah, I was thinking of having him use a cat o nine tails whip, but then I realized guys like Batman has a ton of gadgets, and all he has is some armor stuff, throwing disks, and a whip.
Though it works for Catwoman, so maybe...
Well, I've only had the guy in my head for about a year now, and I've only done a little with him, so I'm sure he'll get more fleshed out with time.
Plus I'm currently working on a similar hero with a more Iron Man feel called Steel Nautilus. He'll probably be a bit more full with the arsenal side of things.
He could have been a janitor who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As to him later creating gadgets, may up to that point he never really applied himself, and after the accident his powers gave him a better sense of self and he started reading online trying to figure what happened to him and realized he could learn. If that makes sense, this is the equivalent of a 3am post for me since I work nights.
P.S. I hope you don't take offense to anything I said Lord_Liaden, I'm just doing what Silver Seraph asked: "Letting him know what I think." Just because I don't agree with your assessment doesn't mean I don't respect your oppinion.
Absolutely no offense taken. If SS is inviting critiques, I can hardly protest if my comments get the same treatment.
More constructive input gives the inquiring poster more options to consider, and that's always a good thing.
Thanks for your opinion! Actually I used to think I was superman when I was a small child. I've always loved heroes and comics. Plus I'm a big computer geek, I love to build and tinker with'm, so I have a connection with my hero. Plus I am married to a gamer chick so its not too far from the truth.
In fact, I did have a mention of his gf earlier in the story, but It made the first paragraph seem too long and made me not want to read on so I edited it out.
You, my friend, are a lucky one! As for mentioning the girlfriend, I don't think it needs to be a loooooong description of her life to this point. You could just add her as part of his introduction or something. You could say, for example: "He liked games, comic books and computers (I know that's not exactly how the intro goes but it's just an example). Whatever free time he had, he spent with his girlfriend." That would be enough to add her to the plot.
He could have been a janitor who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As to him later creating gadgets, may up to that point he never really applied himself, and after the accident his powers gave him a better sense of self and he started reading online trying to figure what happened to him and realized he could learn. If that makes sense, this is the equivalent of a 3am post for me since I work nights.
I had thought about that, but I couldn't really see him as a janitor starting out as, especially at 19. I tried thinking of the college laboratory or a field trip angle, but none of that seemed workable (he is in a community college, but I don't see many of those with that kind of lab set up or genetic research). I know there's a possible origin somewhere, I just don't know yet. Job wise I figured I'd start him out as fast food guy, or some kind of intern.
I've also considered him visiting a friend or a family member who might be a scientist, but that seemed a stretch too. Story wise I've been focusing right after he got his powers, but I know sooner or later I need to hammer out the whole origin aspect to it.
Edit: The post makes sense, and the powers did give him a boost in confidence...for a little while, till he realized he still wasn't that powerful. But the events following that gave him a larger sense of justice and determination, which kind of works like confidence. He does utilize the internet, and that's how he figured out what is available that he could put to use somehow. He's not brilliant nor particularly genius, but he is competent and intelligent. However, I'm not quite as creative to come up with a bunch of gadgets. The basic stuff most gadget heroes have, sure, but nothing particularly theme oriented.
Thanks for the post though, it did help me think things through a bit more.:)
I had thought about that, but I couldn't really see him as a janitor starting out as, especially at 19. I tried thinking of the college laboratory or a field trip angle, but none of that seemed workable (he is in a community college, but I don't see many of those with that kind of lab set up or genetic research). I know there's a possible origin somewhere, I just don't know yet. Job wise I figured I'd start him out as fast food guy, or some kind of intern.
I've also considered him visiting a friend or a family member who might be a scientist, but that seemed a stretch too. Story wise I've been focusing right after he got his powers, but I know sooner or later I need to hammer out the whole origin aspect to it.
Edit: The post makes sense, and the powers did give him a boost in confidence...for a little while, till he realized he still wasn't that powerful. But the events following that gave him a larger sense of justice and determination, which kind of works like confidence. He does utilize the internet, and that's how he figured out what is available that he could put to use somehow. He's not brilliant nor particularly genius, but he is competent and intelligent. However, I'm not quite as creative to come up with a bunch of gadgets. The basic stuff most gadget heroes have, sure, but nothing particularly theme oriented.
Thanks for the post though, it did help me think things through a bit more.:)
Just happy you found at least some of it helpful and sorry I took so long to get back. RL has been whipping me like it caught me with it's wife
One question, why wouldn't/couldn't he be a janitor at 19? Do you mean him specifically or 19 yr olds in general? The reason I ask is some people who, whether they have the talent/brains/etc or not, will seek work around the area they would like to be in. As in a failed police recruit might get a job at a 911 center etc. So maybe he went to work at lab just to be around "science stuff". Another tack to take is maybe he got a low level assistant's job at a lab/research facility and it turned out to be a front for a Viper experiment.
Main thing is make sure you keep up with any random thoughts that hit you, some of my best ideas come when I am just sitting around work waiting for a download to finish or some such.
Hello everyone. I am fairly new to all of this so I was hoping to get some help with my characters. I put the basics in the thread above. Hopefully I can get some feedback on where to take them. I am open to name sugestions, really anything. Tho i would like to keep Falon the way he looks (he'll have feathered wings in the game tho)
Current name: Falon
super strength
heightened senses
flight
electricity
Heals fairly fast
*Note: The way I wrote it allows for him to really develop any powers along the way...
Current name: Amalgam (his father, tho not sure about the name...)
superstrength
flight
Darkness powers
fast reflexes
heals mildly fast
Any and all help is most appreciated. (If you guys want to help that is)
Just happy you found at least some of it helpful and sorry I took so long to get back. RL has been whipping me like it caught me with it's wife
Very understandable.
RL has a mean sucker punch, doesn't he?
And that right hook is just vicious!
One question, why wouldn't/couldn't he be a janitor at 19? Do you mean him specifically or 19 yr olds in general? The reason I ask is some people who, whether they have the talent/brains/etc or not, will seek work around the area they would like to be in. As in a failed police recruit might get a job at a 911 center etc. So maybe he went to work at lab just to be around "science stuff". Another tack to take is maybe he got a low level assistant's job at a lab/research facility and it turned out to be a front for a Viper experiment.
Well, 19 year olds in general usually. Plus he starts off just a tad arrogant (that doesn't last long:D). Assistant might work. Might have to look into that kind of stuff. Somebody might figure out it was him though, since the accident was a bit messy. Figured it would be a stranger rather than a worker, since coworkers could figure out it was him. Though that could add a new villain angle. Though that could be cliche. I'd have to think a lot on it.
Main thing is make sure you keep up with any random thoughts that hit you, some of my best ideas come when I am just sitting around work waiting for a download to finish or some such.
That's pretty much how I work too. A lot of the characters and stuff were random ideas, random doodles, and other randomness. Some of the plot was inspired by one lyric to a song. Definitely good advice.
Comments
Personally I would leave out killing the hero unless you want that to be a big thing with him, ie he never kills again or some such.
For a twist most people wouldn't go for, how about he meets the hero, and gains a quick advantage with his darkness powers, but then gets his butt kicked because he sucks at fighting since he has no real experience, just shadow boxing
Then the hero could provide proof of his parents/the evildoer and then become his mentor. Maybe the hero had been tracking *insert villain* for a long time, they having (limited?) immortality etc maybe thru the knives. Thus the hero is ready to retire and Shade could take his place, and learn true fighting skills from him.
building upon your idea perhaps during his fight with the hero he accidentally calls upon his shadow powers again, but unable to control them due to inexperience with the power puts him at a disadvantage, allowing the hero to pin him. haha i didn't like the idea of him being inexperienced with the martial arts/knives, but the powers i could handle =]
[as a side note, you have dragged me into gladiatus. I've found having a handful of browser games in my pocket while waiting for a game is a good way to pass the time haha. sadly my friends are draggin me back to WoW as well.]
I hear ya on the browser games and WoW too for that matter
As to inexperienced part, I didn't mean he wasn't good with them, just that he didn't have combat experience. Probably didn't explain what I was thinking too well. Basically the difference between learning to fence for competition and learning to fence for your life.
For example, I read a article one time about a police officer who was in a shooting, and he and the bad guy both ran out of ammo while about 40 feet apart. They both started to reload, fortunately the officer had spent more time practicing and was quicker right? Yes but that was also the problem. See the dept. reloaded spent brass and so when he dumped the shells out of his revolver he swapped hands automatically and looked down for the bucket to drop the empties into..... The good news is he quickly recovered and managed to get a few shells in the cylinder and pull the trigger enough times to get the bad guy who by this time was walking forward thinking he had him.
So not saying your hero isn't a badass, just that maybe he isn't quite ready for primetime. I mean he could be the best in his city, doesn't mean he will take gold in the Olympics or can take a veteran hero down.....
Main thing is something you will enjoy, and also to wait for Lord Liaden to come along. He for sure will have some awesome ideas
i also just figured out that theres actually a "Darkness" framework. im stoked.
Cool beans
I can think of a couple ways around it, could have had a lawyer set up with some cash to maintain things ie pay the mortage/taxes etc, the lawn care company got paid so they kept mowing the grass even as the house got more and more run down looking. This could work if they were hiding from bad guys or were the bad guys as it would help keep a low profile if everything was in the name of the law firm.
if you have an backstory in mind.... it might give some clues as to a decient name.
ahh. foster parents? being so full of anger due to his parents leaving/dying he could be pretty harsh and rejective of his foster parents, ussually spending his time alone and out of the house (i.e. training). << Maybe in some deserted warehouse?
I dont think i know enough about the legalities of it to successfully build off of what you were getting at.
This is the original idea:
Boils down to if you have a mortgage you "own" the house but you owe the bank a ton of money. So you have to pay them or they take back the house just as if you didn't pay the monthly payments on a car. Taxes/insurance are usually built in ie you just make one payment each month and they pay the taxes etc.
Where I was going with the lawyer angle was that if your parents were wealthy (whether they showed it or not) was they could have enough money set aside to handle it all and a law firm to take care of the details. Also explains your "allowance" being automatically deposited in a bank account allowing you buy buy food, training gear, etc. This is what I would go with, as it would be simplest to explain if it came up. Maybe just a line about signing some papers when you turned 18/21 etc to get your monthly stipend increased or the remainder released to you etc.
Foster Parents:
That could work as well. Older couple, never had kids of their own, no real idea of what they are getting into and thus not sure how to deal suddenly with a sullen teenager who spends all his time alone. They finally say well at least he isn't into drugs and he's passing all his classes, so they leave you alone in the basement. Which you occasionally sneak out of to practice your Darkness powers in secret/safety if you go down that road.
PS: This is a lot of work as you can see, and no one starts out with all the answers. I had a guy like Lord Liaden as a buddy/mentor when I first started, which is the main reason I have half a clue what I am doing. But in the end it will be worth it as you will have the character in mind, and be able to really RP him and that is a good thing
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Genius Loci; the spirit of a place. The phenomena is old. Tract is older.
Coming into existence when the world was young, the only suitable word to describe Tract would be "ancient". Though you wouldn't know by looking - it slept through most of it, so it doesn't look a day past venerable.
Sleeping is the meaning of its existence, and all was well until recently. There were the occasional disasters in the early ages, but they calmed early on and soon primitive man settled in the region that was Tract. Until the end, a period that passed in the blink of an eye for it, the two sides had an unspoken arrangement. The natives would leave the land in peace, and the land would provide for them. In some extreme cases, Tract would physically rise to protect the natives from serious disasters. It was only natural - the natives were as much a part of Tract as the soil.
When the apes conceived of war, things became bad. When the native tribe were finally evicted from the lands that were Tract, things became worse. That was the turning point, and the throes in Tract's slumber began. Soon there was industry, fueled by wars, which were fueled in turn by more industry. If the machines of production weren't hammering the Earth and blasting the sky, the machines of war thundered loud enough to make whole continents shake.
Then came the superhumans. Clashes of unprecedented proportions, feuds and hatreds of never before seen intensity, each seeking out the other, and each following the last ever faster.
Finally, Tract's sleep was broken. And the angered spirit rose for the first time in an age.
With an effort, the lands of Tract gathered themselves up. The plants uprooted themselves and intertwined, grasping at the earth and bonding it tight with their vines, branches and roots. The soil packed onto the frame and compressing to the density of diamonds. Water gathered inside the plants, filled every crack in the outside shell and sublimed across its surface as an icy skin. Finally, by slipping into the vessel, the spirit of Tract turned the whole of its lands into a single body.
For days, the lumbering bulk of Tract plowed across continental North America, coming down from the mountains, crossing Canada from north to south and reaching the border to the United States. Inside, the currents of man and nature Tract had been following centered on one place. He traced them, until he reached the city.
Millennium City was astounding. Millions of people flashed before Tract's perceptions, bright as meteors and fast as insects in flight. The foundations of the place were packed thick with death and disaster, but the structure above was a sharp contrast - hopes, dreams and ambitions flowed through the streets of Millennium and the sight struck a note so deep that Tract forgot his anger.
Then a sickening taint spread across Tract's senses and the invasion began.
Having taken the form of a humanoid, the people of the city quickly ran to him for help. Apparently they thought him a hero, a... "Champion", and they pleaded for him to save them.
Tract's decision was quick; calming a situation by snuffing out a disaster was what had kept him sleeping throughout the ages, so he set out to stop this like he might any other.
After all, if all went well, he might return to sleep in a century or so.
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So here we have a massively powerful being, who is groggy like a co-ed on Monday mornings. Great setup for an RPG, methinks, but I'm here for feedback and input, so please feel free.
First off, Tract is not its body. It is a massive consciousness that uses the avatar as a focal point to allow it to move around. As such, its travel power would be teleport - Tract effectively slingshots the body from one end of its sphere of influence to the other, then lets its consciousness snap back to the body, extends the influence forward again, flings the body forward, rinse and repeat.
As far as powers go, I've been giving the framesets some thought and came up with a list of Electricity, Force, Ice, Might, Sorcery/Supernatural, and maybe Telekinesis/Telepathy, depending on the powers found in those.
Might/Super Strength would represent the massive power behind a body like this one. Force would represent a limited control of gravity in Tract's sphere of influence, perhaps the wind even. Electricity would come from the fact that Tract has everything needed for a thunderstorm at its disposal - Earth for a negative charge/grounding, water it can control at will to form clouds and generate a static charge - and because I heard there is an AoE attack in that framework that you can turn into a toggle aura. I'm big on aura powers, to give the notion of its consciousness exerting influence over the immediate area some credibility. This is also why I'm considering the Tele powers - Tract is a powerful spirit, after all.
Sorcery/Supernatural, IIRC, is supposed to have summonable pets/guardians in the form of animals, which would fit Tract's nature well.
What I'm most curious about is how well this could fit into the Champions continuity, so any thoughts on that would be appreciated.
I've also been wrestling with Tract's Nemesis, but since this is a lot to consider already, that'll follow later.
Thanks so far.
If you intend to play Tract in the MMO, I would just suggest that his power should'nt be conceived as too "massive" to start with compared to other supers, since he'll be a beginning PC. Perhaps his power can be more potential; as Tract becomes more comfortable with this humanoid avatar, he'll be able to channel more of his total strength into it.
As far as Champions Universe continuity goes, there's certainly precedent for this concept. Genius Loci of various sorts and power levels are already part of the setting. Most pertinent to Tract, (Spoilered for people who don't want any secret information)
In your story you seem to imply that Tract has come to Millennium City from Canada. While IMHO you don't need any more justification for Tract than the origin you've given, you might like to know that CU Canada is the abode of four ancient, immortal, immensely powerful spirits who embody fundamental forces of nature: the Land, the Sea, the Sky, and the Ice. Land and Ice have been in conflict for eons for control of the region, with Land currently dominant. In the modern Age of Superheroes the Land has empowered several superhumans with great elemental forces to be its agents in this battle. Some of them have become superheroes, others villains -- their goals don't always match those of the Land, nor are the Land's priorities always the same as man's.
As for a Nemesis, since Tract has come into being in response to the despoiling of the natural world by industry, and the escalating collateral damage from superhuman combat, I would suggest that his nemesis should be the head of the industrial corporation which has done the most harm to Tract's true "body," and perhaps secretly a superpowered villain himself, maybe with technological abilities to contrast with Tract's elemental ones. Many high-tech companies have their head offices in MC, so it's easy to justify them both being there. If Tract came into conflict with operatives of this company when he first manifested, this corporate villain could have been injured during the struggle and been rebuilt as a powerful cyborg.
One other point: given Tract's mindset when he first manifests, and the extended period it takes for him to get to Millennium City, you might consider whether you want him to attack any other population centers, or fight with any superhumans, along the way. That could make for interesting future complications for Tract if he attempts to continue as a superhero in MC (e.g. supers he defeated looking for payback, or Canada wanting Tract extradited for "crimes" there). OTOH since Tract can teleport, and presumably can sense the high concentration of superhumans (and industry) in Millennium City, he could have made a bee-line directly there.
I'm with you on the way Tract's powers should work/improve - he's been asleep for a good few thousand years, so he's groggy like nobody's business and won't be smiting Dr. D with ease anytime soon. So the ideas I put down are more like a road map to the max level, and to keep it in the ballpark, thematically.
On the Nemesis front, I had something spiritual in mind. Tract is physically nigh invulnerable - destroy his body and he'll simply form another one, or repair the damage if it isn't too extensive (Regeneration as a defensive power would make sense). But his consciousness, while nice and plump from eons of sleep, is pretty defenseless. He could soak an assault on his spirit for a while, but he'd be pretty much helpless to do anything against it, while he could just smash any physical threat.
So a Nemesis like that would have more of a threat to it than a purely mundane one.
But the ideas you brought up are some I haven't considered before and they could mesh together quite well.
Initially, I was thinking of an old malicious spirit that was forced to hop from body to body, losing power over time instead of gaining it like Tract. So while it was once a mighty power in its own right, it left more and more of it behind with every jump until it was reduced to a parasite and forced to rely on cheap parlor tricks. And it has to be a woman. There aren't nearly enough villainous women Nemeses out there.
Its current body would be a young girl, granddaughter of the spirit's former victim.
But this combines well with the Canadian industrialist thing. The grandmother could have amassed a lot of wealth - married a rich industrial tycoon, even - and left it to her new body, which would let her hard work count for longer than usual and would allow her to use the time in this body more efficiently.
An accident at one of her company's sites in Canada could alert her to Tract's existence and then the fun could begin.
This spirit is forced to jump from body to body because the vessels age, and every jump leaves it weaker, until eventually it expires completely. Its goal then, would be to regain immortality and build up a more permanent power base. Tract would be an ideal target; a being with a wealth of amassed power, the ability to form a powerful, malleable body again and again, and utterly immortal. The spirit would salivate over the prospect of dominating Tract's spirit.
To protect itself from Tract and to allow for its capture, she could rely on technology, while employing magic herself. A modern-day sorcerer knight, in power armor instead of plate mail. The defense and physical strength provided by the suit would allow her to go toe-to-toe with the behemoth, while her magics could come from talismans and artifacts she acquired under the guise of a collector of antiques.
Her minions could be your typical MiB killer suits, privately owned mercenaries or even Canadian agents who are basically innocent and with legal reason to bring Tract in.
Not sure about super details, but for the most part you can do just about anything you want. IE yes the disease lycanthropy exists as well as the usual rat, shark etc variations. For something really unusual you can always just use the magic item or curse version.
In other words, if you want a traditional werewolf then just say you got bit. If you want one a bit off the beaten track, then there's what I call the homemade version, ie the belt made from wolf hide with spells cast over it that allows the wearer to shift forms, or say the family was cursed by a witch or even granted the power as a reward.
If I run across something concrete online, I will let you know.
**edit** just want to add that in the PnP game, most anything can be made to happen. I had a character (Nightmare as a matter of fact) who was born a mutant infected with lycanthropy. Was originally meant as a example to other players of how not to go overboard (the original 250 pt version could take on whole teams and win) but made into a real character was actually fun to play since he had so many flaws to RP.
You might also consider a scientific origin for your werewolf. The villain Fenris was obsessed with proving a scientific basis for the legend of lycanthropy, and created a "werewolf serum" which gave him some of the physical prowess of a natural wolf, but with animalistic instincts he finds increasingly difficult to control. He's attempting to develop treatments to give him greater control over his wolf nature, and would be likely to test them on kidnapped subjects.
Finally, the CU already includes a few mutant shape-shifters who can assume certain animal forms, such as the villains Menagerie and El Sauriano. As with Marvel mutants these abilities usually emerge during puberty.
Ideally, there would be one prime nemesis, but I'd like to have something that could physically threaten him, too. Kind of like the Bane to his Batman, where as the prime nemesis would be his Joker. Joker screws with his mind, Bane could break his back.
So what could physically threaten a walking mountain? And I'm still not sure about that first Nemesis. Any input or feedback would be appreciated. Your thoughts?
Yeah I was thinking about him being cursed by the leader of a gypsy clan during the 15th century because his father accidently killed the clan leaders child while hunting wolves. The line being something like "You took my child now I take yours, your family is forever cursed, to forever hunger as wolves do."
So the kid becomes the first of a breed of werewolves, the curse is perminantly on so he/she has to control thier emotions otherwise they turn into this slobbering, uncontrolable beast.
If they were to bite someone then that person would turn into a permenant werewolf, they can never take human form and cannot pass on the curse unless the person if of the child's family in which case they turn into a wolf like him and have to control themselves like the kid. I'm planning to have the father be the second werewolf but embraces it siring his "pups" and only retaining his human form occasionally. So then this kid feels guilty and spends the next hundred years hunting down papa dearest and his new "children."
In the modern day he gets lead that papa has been living and hunting in the canadian wilderness so he sets off to kill him.
powers gonna be enchanced senses, strength and agility as well as selective shape shifting such retractable claws, he can summon the spirits of the wolves he's killed. The moon does affect him, he becomes more powerfull nearer to full moon but finds it extremely hard to keep human form.
he does not age but can be killed, however the wolf will bring him back taking over a little bit more each time.
sound alright?
Alright is a matter of opinion, if you like it, and it doesn't glaringly break any lore "rules, then it's all good
And yea, I think you can run with that. The moon making him stronger part will pretty much be a RP thing as will the wolf taking over more and more each time unless they do a villain cross over in the future
But yea, hunting down Dad to stop him from creating new werewolves etc sounds like it could lead to some serious RP. One thing to keep in mind tho, is this isn't probably something he would talk about with just anyone to come along. I mean being immortal and wanting to hunt down your own father isn't something that would normally come up over tea and crumpets.
By this I mean make sure you story will give you what you want. If you want a dark, brooding hero who doesn't talk about his past much, then this could work well. If you want someone who wears his heart on his sleeve and talks to everyone, then I don't see this working as well. If he's had a few centuries to come to terms with it, then he should be pretty much talked out.
Game mechanics wise, I think the power set looks good. I like the summon wolves idea. A bit of good news in a otherwise bad situation if you will. That wasn't part of the original curse, but maybe something to do with him. Maybe a latent mutant ability that came out with the curse.
After a showdown between Commandant Cold and his nemesis Professor Pain leaves Pain's Stronghold frozen (with the Professor along with it) and Cold nowhere to be found, professional odd jobber Isaac Allen (think Malcolm Reynolds-esque) is hired out to loot the base, steal some evil and dastardly plots from Pain's mainframe. With his muscle-bound partner-in-crime Scott Gardner and always in-touch scout/handler Sara Dorian (along the lines of a Cortana i.e Voice in commlink), Isaac and Scott infiltrate the base and generally take whatever they want. Enter El Scorcho, a super-villian (Flame based and Hispanic!) with simliar intent. The pair flee into the base, dodging fireballs and such. After sliding down a hidden passageway, the pair come across Pain, frozen solid with a nice blue sword in his hand. Isaac decides this'll be his weapon of choice against El Scorcho, and breaks Pain's hand off to obtain the weapon.
*Plot Twist!*
The sword was used to steal the powers of Commandant Cold, but worked too well. The hero's powers overloaded (hence the frozen base) and his consciousness was locked inside the blade. Isaac receives both the powers, and an annoying, uber-heroic voice inside his head. Realizing the Commandant knows more about doing battle with super-villians, Isaac lets him run the body they now share as he fights El Scorcho (signified by our Hero's eyes shifting from brown to blue). Ice based powers, swordplay, the whole shebang. After the fight, the ever-heroic Cold gives control back to Isaac, and the whole group gets the hell outta dodge.
Sooo....yeah. Future stories would be Isaac trying to sell the stuff he's looted, including the sword. Trying to get the hero outta his noggin, with various effects, and El Scorcho thawing out Pain and the two of them teaming up to finish off what they started.
Feedback would be greatly appreciated
I missed the earlier parts but based on him being mutant (or whatever) with powers, the gadgets would need to be something to augment his existing powers or fill in gaps. Spidey's webshooters gave him both a travel power and a ranged attack. So I would say you could do something similar here. You have ink blasts, so I could see some form of melee gadget, as well as the armor you mentioned.
Figure out his backstory (if you haven't already) and use that as inspiration for the kinds of things he might come up with. If he got his butt handed to him by a gun wielding villain, he went home and googled bullet proof vests
Hmmm, I was expecting more from the two minds/one body angle. As in the hero didn't actively take control, but just nagged the crap outta Isaac until he helped people to shut him up. And in the process discovered he liked helping people, ie it filled some deep psychological void to be needed or some such.
I didn't mean to sound negative if that's how I came across. Just trying to say what I expected and how I might approach it.
Well, the origin is pretty much normal guy meets lab accident set up. Larry Talbin was a normal guy until a lab accident gave him powers. The origins are fuzzy beyond that (I have no clue what he was doing in a lab). But he's still kind of an average Joe. Not sure how to what kind of device to adapt to his ink blasts, maybe a pressurized jet thing to make it pack a punch or something?
A melee weapon would definitely work well, I just can't think of one.
She a swordswoman, fast and agile, Super Speed/Super Reflexes, as example her normal speed/reflex 5 tomes faster then an average human, but for short periods of time can speed up to 10 times faster then her normal speed, but pays for the extra boost in speed though lack of energy, depending on length of extra speed would determine how long she is out of the picture, and with her high metablism due to her speed she is always carring around high carb snacks such as power bars and such to chow down on after a quick burst of speed, and that's as far as I've gotten so far. Brain is totally blank right now on how she got the speed, or anything else about her at all right now.
You know now that I think about it when I get up in a few hours I'm gonna have to crack open Poser and see if I can create a image of her and see if that will being to mind more story for her.
Just an idea. You may not even like it, but it may trigger some ideas of your own as well.:)
I couldn't think of a reason for him being in a lab either, especially since he is not a scientist, so the unspoken rule for him is, don't explain it. Let it be a mystery that people wonder about. They ask how he got his powers, he says lab accident, and the rest goes unsaid. Dodgy, but kind of fun.:D
But yeah, I was thinking of having him use a cat o nine tails whip, but then I realized guys like Batman has a ton of gadgets, and all he has is some armor stuff, throwing disks, and a whip.
Though it works for Catwoman, so maybe...
Well, I've only had the guy in my head for about a year now, and I've only done a little with him, so I'm sure he'll get more fleshed out with time.
Plus I'm currently working on a similar hero with a more Iron Man feel called Steel Nautilus. He'll probably be a bit more full with the arsenal side of things.
Aye lightening over done but I like to idea of the pulse generator type accident for her power. Well definitely have to see what all I can come up with it.
Throughout his life, he's been only known as Ghist, a wandering merc who prefers to let his twin katanas Aura and Spark do the talking for him. Of course, these are strange times, times that call for radical changes for both the world, and the people residing on it.
Ghist has adapted to grow himself alongside the world and participate in the SERAPH Project. Located in a base in the middle of Utah, the SERAPH Project was founded to create soldiers through gene-splicing to fight against the threat of villains like Dr. Destroyer in such an event that the Champions somehow fell. Unfortunately, the results weren't 100% reliable, and often manifested themselves in strange ways. For Ghist, he grew six angelic wings and increased strength and speed. His sister, Nemusu du Nova, as she now calls herself, developed the ability to control fire, wind, and ice at will.
Out of all 284 candidates, only two people came out of that building and into the harsh Utah sun; Ghist, and his sister Nemusu. However, while Ghist took well to the project and was able to adapt at a reasonable rate, his sister far exceeded both him, and the projects parameters. This, however, was not without its consequences. In being able to control such a fearsome ability, Nemusu's mind was not spared the onslaught of the raw power inherent of the elements. This drove her insane, and was the cause of their exodus from the facility, now reduced to a smoldering and magically unstable crater in an otherwise unremarkable place.
'We wil meet again, brother, and when we do, I will claim your beautiful wings for my own!' With that sentence, Nemusu flew off towards the east. Ghist has been following her trail of destruction and chaos since that day, and it has led him to Millenium City. There he seems to have found his place among the heroes already present, and is ready to find his sister, and put the terrible tragedy of the SERAPH Project behind him.
"Andrew Smith was just a normal geek. He loved technology, video games, and dreamed of being one of those heroes he always read about in comic books. He lived across the street from a military weapons testing facility. He watched them bring in crates every day that contained secret weapons not meant for civilian eyes.
One late night, a large explosion happened at the facility. Something had fallen from space and landed in the middle of the military installation, the impact nearly collapsing the entire building. A small alien pod landed, containing millions of nano-bots and an alien AI. The AI was programmed to build a super weapon for the being that created it. The AI commanded the nano-bots to seek out, repair, and absorb all the technology laying around.
Andrews curiosity was so intrigued by what he had seen from his window that he ran out the door and across the street to see what the commotion was about. Standing in the middle of the crater, he noticed strange weapons that seemed to move on their own. He didnt see the nano-bots that were carrying the tech had slowly started crawling up his legs.
He noticed a sharp pain and looked down to see little robot bugs digging their way into his skin! He started panicking and tried to run, but his feet were so heavy from the alien robots that he tripped and fell headfirst into the alien pod.
The pod closed up with all the military tech that the nano-bots had absorbed, and Andrew as well. By the time morning came, the pod re-opened. A humanoid, seemingly made of liquid metal stepped out. It had armor plating on its forearms, chest, shoulders, legs and feet, and lacked a nose, mouth, and ears. The nano-bots had integrated all the weapons and the alien AI into Andrews body, making him a new being.
Andrew was able to create weapons from his metallic body at will. Anything he could think up with his imagination was at his disposal, including force-fields and shields to protect him. The AI enhanced his nervous system 50x greater than before, and allowed Andrew to see into different spectrums, such as heat, ultra violet, and even let him see 360 degrees around. He was also able to produce powerful jets from his feet and hands that let him soar through the air.
Because of his dream of being a comic book hero, Andrew decided to live his new life dedicated to stopping crime and evil wherever he found it .after making sure his girlfriend was O.K. with it! He named himself Silver Seraph and began defending the weak and upholding truth, justice, and the geek way!"
Let me know what you think!
Secondly, Andrew is now "seemingly made of liquid metal." You don't say whether he can assume a human appearance again; if not his former personal life will be pretty well shot. And in that case I rather doubt that his girlfriend would be O.K. with it.
And BTW, welcome to the community!
As for his appearance, think Silver Surfer with a smoothed out head and armor plating, and possibly a bit of gold highlighting around his body. I meant "seemingly made of liquid metal" to describe the texture, not necessarily what he was made out of.
If you find any more plot holes please tell me! I want this to be perfected before CO hits stores
edit: BTW, I wanted the creation to be a bit ominous, as the Nemesis I plan to create will be the alien being that sent the pod in the first place. He will be trying to reclaim his "weapon".
Hi, welcome to the other side!:) I actually liked the story. I don't even think it's absolutely necessary to explain the AI any further seeing how it's mission was to create a powerful weapon and that's exactly what it did. Nobody ever said the weapon couldn't be sentient. As to the role of the AI in the transformation, you explained the AI was in control of the nano-bots so it implies the AI was actually in control of the transformation.
The only part that seems weird to me is that a guy who spends his time dreaming of being a hero, thinking about technology (which includes learning about it first), reading comic books and playing videogames AND is already specifically described as a geek in the actual story could actually have a girlfriend. I'm not trying to be mean here, it just really shocked me when I got to that part of the story (Talk about your major plot twist
Overall I think it's quite solid, specially for a 3 a.m. draft.:)
P.S. I hope you don't take offense to anything I said Lord_Liaden, I'm just doing what Silver Seraph asked: "Letting him know what I think." Just because I don't agree with your assessment doesn't mean I don't respect your oppinion.
In fact, I did have a mention of his gf earlier in the story, but It made the first paragraph seem too long and made me not want to read on so I edited it out.
He could have been a janitor who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As to him later creating gadgets, may up to that point he never really applied himself, and after the accident his powers gave him a better sense of self and he started reading online trying to figure what happened to him and realized he could learn. If that makes sense, this is the equivalent of a 3am post for me since I work nights.
Absolutely no offense taken. If SS is inviting critiques, I can hardly protest if my comments get the same treatment.
More constructive input gives the inquiring poster more options to consider, and that's always a good thing.
You, my friend, are a lucky one!
Glad to "hear" it.;)
I had thought about that, but I couldn't really see him as a janitor starting out as, especially at 19. I tried thinking of the college laboratory or a field trip angle, but none of that seemed workable (he is in a community college, but I don't see many of those with that kind of lab set up or genetic research). I know there's a possible origin somewhere, I just don't know yet. Job wise I figured I'd start him out as fast food guy, or some kind of intern.
I've also considered him visiting a friend or a family member who might be a scientist, but that seemed a stretch too. Story wise I've been focusing right after he got his powers, but I know sooner or later I need to hammer out the whole origin aspect to it.
Edit: The post makes sense, and the powers did give him a boost in confidence...for a little while, till he realized he still wasn't that powerful. But the events following that gave him a larger sense of justice and determination, which kind of works like confidence. He does utilize the internet, and that's how he figured out what is available that he could put to use somehow. He's not brilliant nor particularly genius, but he is competent and intelligent. However, I'm not quite as creative to come up with a bunch of gadgets. The basic stuff most gadget heroes have, sure, but nothing particularly theme oriented.
Thanks for the post though, it did help me think things through a bit more.:)
If you could post what you think I should add or change, what you like or dislike I'd appreciate it.
Just happy you found at least some of it helpful
One question, why wouldn't/couldn't he be a janitor at 19? Do you mean him specifically or 19 yr olds in general? The reason I ask is some people who, whether they have the talent/brains/etc or not, will seek work around the area they would like to be in. As in a failed police recruit might get a job at a 911 center etc. So maybe he went to work at lab just to be around "science stuff". Another tack to take is maybe he got a low level assistant's job at a lab/research facility and it turned out to be a front for a Viper experiment.
Main thing is make sure you keep up with any random thoughts that hit you, some of my best ideas come when I am just sitting around work waiting for a download to finish or some such.
Hello everyone. I am fairly new to all of this so I was hoping to get some help with my characters. I put the basics in the thread above. Hopefully I can get some feedback on where to take them. I am open to name sugestions, really anything. Tho i would like to keep Falon the way he looks (he'll have feathered wings in the game tho)
Current name: Falon
super strength
heightened senses
flight
electricity
Heals fairly fast
*Note: The way I wrote it allows for him to really develop any powers along the way...
Current name: Amalgam (his father, tho not sure about the name...)
superstrength
flight
Darkness powers
fast reflexes
heals mildly fast
Any and all help is most appreciated. (If you guys want to help that is)
thanks
Very understandable.
RL has a mean sucker punch, doesn't he?
And that right hook is just vicious!
Well, 19 year olds in general usually. Plus he starts off just a tad arrogant (that doesn't last long:D). Assistant might work. Might have to look into that kind of stuff. Somebody might figure out it was him though, since the accident was a bit messy. Figured it would be a stranger rather than a worker, since coworkers could figure out it was him. Though that could add a new villain angle. Though that could be cliche. I'd have to think a lot on it.
That's pretty much how I work too. A lot of the characters and stuff were random ideas, random doodles, and other randomness. Some of the plot was inspired by one lyric to a song. Definitely good advice.