test content
Logo
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc
Options
Detailed Playthrough reviews for Foundry missions
stoutes
Member Posts: 4,219 Arc User
As you can see from the Title, I've been doing detailed (technical) playthrough reviews and insanely enough grown to like doing it!
What does a "Playthrough review" stand for, you might ask?
A playthrough review consists of:
Single missions:
Valley of the Shadow, Part I - @Paxfederatica
An Unexpected Discovery - @Norgur1
In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1 - @thegreendragoon1
A Price for Eurydice - @djxprime
Assault on DS9 - @Andeon
Latinum is Forever - @teklionbenrasha
Homesick Heroes - @amahood
(playtest) Perfection, part 1 - @ashkrik23
(playtest) Survival Must Be Earned - @malize
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. I (Intro) - @alysvanya
Mirror Universe Mystery - @neko213
MAYHEM EP 1 - Cute, Fuzzy Things - @hippiejohn
Ghost Fleet - @paxfederatica
Fluidic Relations - @renegadesteve
Uncharted - @aceman97
Epoch: Existence - @mildago
Infinite Shift - @Intuitive_Aptitude
A time to Search - @lincolninspace
A War Anew - @agentchallenger
Borukus - @milanx2
The Freebooter's Gambit - @bigdogofbrie
The Sins of the Fathers - @donperk
Cold Metal By Moonlight - @captpfdennis (12/29/2013 - cannot be found)
Defense of Starbase 57 - @ragigo (12/29/2013 - cannot be found)
Bait and Switch - @starswordc
Violations and Resistance - @commodoreobvious
Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind - @djscman
The Freebooter's Gambit - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
The Raven and the Marionette - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
What Matters Most - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
Facing the Past - @admirison
Stepping Over the Line - @admirison
Venus Unveiled - @admirison
Discovery on Delthor IV - @sorroway
Of Morals and Ethics - @voporak
Contact Squared Part 1 - @eldil
Contact Squared Part 2 - @eldil
The Bajoran - @djf021
Uprising: Act II - The Tempest - @maninblack017
Of Terror and Darkness - @voporak
The Devil's Playground - @confedinblue
Spotlight'd missions: (these will receive a "light" preview version, since publishers cant change the mission anymore)
Relics - @Kirkfat
The Rising Phoenix - Part One - @h2orat (in honor of his passing)
Replay/Seperate queue after rework:
(finalised version) Perfection, part 1 - @ashkrik23
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. II - @alysvanya
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. III - @alysvanya
If your mission ended up in the "Replay/Seperate" queue it's up to you to let me know when your mission is finished.
Series:
Wave Empire - @Skyline45
Star Trek: Overture - @kineticimpulser
EDIT: *sigh*, still forgetting about adding alimac's missions... *note to self; add!!!*
Anyone who likes me to do a thorough check-up of their mission; just add your mission details (title, code, faction and in-game handle).
FYI; A playthrough review takes quite a some time to write, so it may take a while before I've reached your mission.
What does a "Playthrough review" stand for, you might ask?
A playthrough review consists of:
- Playability / continuity; does the used map support the story? Can I wander around and "break" the story by talking to others before it's actually meant to?
- Map bugs; placement problems, parts which are meant to be unreachable are reachable, clipping, etc.
- Interactions between dialogs/objects (specific); does it support the story and is the interaction button named?
- Typo's and grammer: Every dialog, buttons, tasks, etcetera will be scanned for typo's or obvious grammer mistakes. Even a well-built map or story can be dragged down with badly written dialogs.
- How do I experience the story/maps/dialogs?
Single missions:
Valley of the Shadow, Part I - @Paxfederatica
An Unexpected Discovery - @Norgur1
In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1 - @thegreendragoon1
A Price for Eurydice - @djxprime
Assault on DS9 - @Andeon
Latinum is Forever - @teklionbenrasha
Homesick Heroes - @amahood
(playtest) Perfection, part 1 - @ashkrik23
(playtest) Survival Must Be Earned - @malize
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. I (Intro) - @alysvanya
Mirror Universe Mystery - @neko213
MAYHEM EP 1 - Cute, Fuzzy Things - @hippiejohn
Ghost Fleet - @paxfederatica
Fluidic Relations - @renegadesteve
Uncharted - @aceman97
Epoch: Existence - @mildago
Infinite Shift - @Intuitive_Aptitude
A time to Search - @lincolninspace
A War Anew - @agentchallenger
Borukus - @milanx2
The Freebooter's Gambit - @bigdogofbrie
The Sins of the Fathers - @donperk
Cold Metal By Moonlight - @captpfdennis (12/29/2013 - cannot be found)
Defense of Starbase 57 - @ragigo (12/29/2013 - cannot be found)
Bait and Switch - @starswordc
Violations and Resistance - @commodoreobvious
Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind - @djscman
The Freebooter's Gambit - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
The Raven and the Marionette - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
What Matters Most - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
Facing the Past - @admirison
Stepping Over the Line - @admirison
Venus Unveiled - @admirison
Discovery on Delthor IV - @sorroway
Of Morals and Ethics - @voporak
Contact Squared Part 1 - @eldil
Contact Squared Part 2 - @eldil
The Bajoran - @djf021
Uprising: Act II - The Tempest - @maninblack017
Of Terror and Darkness - @voporak
The Devil's Playground - @confedinblue
Spotlight'd missions: (these will receive a "light" preview version, since publishers cant change the mission anymore)
Relics - @Kirkfat
The Rising Phoenix - Part One - @h2orat (in honor of his passing)
Replay/Seperate queue after rework:
(finalised version) Perfection, part 1 - @ashkrik23
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. II - @alysvanya
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. III - @alysvanya
If your mission ended up in the "Replay/Seperate" queue it's up to you to let me know when your mission is finished.
Series:
Wave Empire - @Skyline45
Star Trek: Overture - @kineticimpulser
EDIT: *sigh*, still forgetting about adding alimac's missions... *note to self; add!!!*
Anyone who likes me to do a thorough check-up of their mission; just add your mission details (title, code, faction and in-game handle).
FYI; A playthrough review takes quite a some time to write, so it may take a while before I've reached your mission.
Post edited by stoutes on
0
Comments
As I know myself how long a detailed review can take I can only applaud people who want to invest so much time in reviewing missions, as they could have used that time to invest in themselves.
These reviews are written by Donperk:
The Freebooter's Gambit - @bigdogofbrie
Perfection, Part 1 - @Ashkrik23
Star Trek: Saturn Ep I Intro - @Alysvana
[Rom] Infinite Shift - @Intuitive_Aptitude
Star Trek: Staturn: Ep2
*More missions will be added as soon as possible*
A playthrough mission review is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such.
Mission starter:
- (question about grammer) Is "We have need" correct? Or would "We are in need" better?
Map 1; Midas
- (note) Nice introduction!
Map 2; The Office
- (note) It's all about the details (Science banner, properly named NPC's, a booze table and a talking and properly seated admiral). I would like to see at least one champagne near the admirals cup (or three under the table
- (object interaction naming) The console gives you the standard text "Interact". You know you can change this, right? (after you've coupled a dialog onto an object, the obect get a new tab; here you can change your interaction description).
Map 3; Wormhole
- (note) A red wormhole! I really like the color red! This WH really brings out my paint job.
- (note) Invisible walls after you've entered the WH. Good job! (oh shoot... it seemed I just passed through an opening on the left side, specifically nearly above where the station was positioned on the map).
- (note) The asteroid field is pretty awesome. unfortunatly (and this isn't your fault or anything and I know you can't change it in the foundry) the two suns which were visible when you were at MIDAS, are still visible after you've left the WH.
- (note) Yellow alert, yet another subtle detail. Oh and systen R1-997, was that a hint to a certain year (1997)?
On a sidenote; There are quite the map changes. This is normally not really recommended. I must say though.... I haven't yet found a real problem and the story is rather "grabbing" me (positively). So, pretty well done there.
Map 4; R1-997
- (note) Putting the nebulas over the planet makes a nice effect. It's ashame it only covers half the planet.
- (question) How do you give a planet with a ring such a gradient you have given it?
- (task) "Enter orbit of planet", doesn't that have to be "Enter planet's orbit"?
- (typo) YES I FOUND ONE!! "...thoron radiadiation levels..."
Map 5; City
- (note) *wow*... (closing jaw)
- (typo) Task "Retreive gate key" = "Retrieve gate key"
- (question) Well, when you find the brother, you see you can't really do much anymore. Why not give a dialog tree or an option to do resuscitation. The outcome stays the same, but this may give just the tiny bit more involvement.
- (question) Is my mind tricking me, or did you moved the stone so you can "mask" the original Kimala npc? (since you can't remove them after talking to them) If yes; subtle...
- (note) Impressive usage of walls, debris and rocks to give the illusion of a crashed hull.. You can be proud of this creation. Ashame that there are invisible walls blocking me to go over, but yeah it's rather logical.
- (suggestion) When you're entered the opening of the crashed ship, it's just a tiny bit too clean. What about adding a smoke, steam or cloud object (Y-axis to the ceiling) to make it more "damaged".
Map 6; Inside the ship
Just done a walk-around of this perticular map, first of all; great design! But this is the first map i would like to point out couple of things.
- (continuation) You get a dialog which states you have to go left to the armory. You aren't forced to do that though. When a player can deviate from your storyline, he/she can mess up certain triggers (when set up). When I walked straight ahead I was able to A) find the captain and
- (naming) Non-important NPC's have standard names, this doesn't really distract from the actual story but it's a nice touch if every NPC has a name and their own identity.
- (naming) When checking all the names, it's not really consistent. I see "Ensign Security Officer" at one side of the hallway, "Engineer" on the other and "Federation Engineer" a bit further.
- (typo) YES ANOTHER ONE! The task "Find Sutable Transport Site" <== Suitable
- (nitpicking) When walking through the warp room, I must say; very good job indeed! I see science, Borg, corridor, floors, generators and debris making this room a totally different experience. The only thing I notice is that the floors are clipping (when you look directly at it). Next to that I would like to see those borg parts changed (they don't really fit in, but that is my own opinion)..
- (nitpicking) Some of the debris which hangs out of the ceiling is walkable. I would suggest turning it a bit (around 45 degrees) so that it's not climbable/walkable again.
- (question) What does "Science Officer about Particle Emitter" mean?
- (question) What does "Science Officer about Particle Synthesizer" mean?
- (object interaction naming) Yet another couple of "Interact"'s with dialogs added to an object (in the science chamber).
- (note) After setting off the charges, you've closed off the entrance and added fire/smoke for effect. Well done!
Map 7; Back in space
- No comments here
Map 8; On your ship
- (continuation) After getting the task to locate the research lab, I went off going to run around the map; everything open..
- (naming) The officers standing next to Kimala are called "Starfleet Guard Tellarite Male 01" and "Starfleet Guard Human Female 02".
- (note) Interesting NPC talk; drink, for tomorrow we may all die.
- (note) The corridor where the engineer is working on you ship's main power coupling; really nice design, once again!
- (note) No more warping graphics behind the mirrors after you've asked kimala for info. Once again well done!!
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
Mission starter:
- (grammer) "She's requesting our assistance in rescue operations involving..." ==> "She's requesting our assistance in a rescue operation involving..."
- (typo) "Rendvouz" ==> "Rendezvous"
- (grammer) "Rendvouz with U.S.S..." ==> "Rendezvous with the U.S.S...."
- (continuity question) You are asked for a rescue operation, but the mission info states "assist her in the investigation". You either have to mention in the first part that you're asked for an investigation OR that you help her with the rescue mission. Two different things are stated here.
- (note) You stated where the starting location can be found. Good job. Unfortunatly this info gets lost because the whole block is colored. You might try [OOC][/OOC] the specified starting location or use a new alinea for it.
- (suggestion) When you want to enter the Sardah system, your Boff informs you what the situation is at moment of entry. There's a sentence I would like to see a improved a bit for readability; "Both ships have lost warp and impulse and are on aux..." to "Both ships have lost warp and impulse power, only running on aux..."
Map 1; System outskirts
- (note) Nice colorful map, I like how you used a multilayered color backdrop and how you used the stretched out debris field as filling. There's some clipping there which happens on certain machines; this isn't your fault but players can react negatively on that (it's quite visible on brighter backdrops).
- (grammer) "...in rescue operations for..." ==> "...in a rescue operation of..."
- (grammer) "...damage of the ships" ==> "...damage on both ships"
- (continuity) "Captain Xavier would like you to beam over and report to him in Sick Bay" <= On which ship? I presume the U.S.S. Ikazuchi, but it could also be the Antares Queen.
Map 2; Ikazuchi
- (note) You've made a spaceship design on a ground map... interesting! And I must say you've succeeded.
- (minor nitpick) When you walk out the transporter room, you can go left (to the turbolift). You see a difference in lighting when you open the Turbolift doors, this is caused by the ground map lighting. You can either try changing the backdrop or put another "ceiling/floor" tile above the turbolift to block the lightning.
- (naming) Running through this map, I see you've named some of your NPC's. Well done!! Unfortunatly not all the NPC's are named, which would have finished this (it's all in the details).
- (continuity) I could talk to all the three NPC's in sickbay. Even though I had to talk to captain Xavier so I clicked the doc first, this threw me off the story though. It would have been better if you included these dialog in the storyline (or either active these after you've talked to the captain).
- (naming) In the room next to sickbay, you have a computer you can look into. Unfortunatly it only states "Interact" (which is the standard description). It might be better if it's renamed.
- (placement) I've found minor clipping issues with two walls placed in one and other.
Map 3; Bridge
- (naming) Another standard "interact" near Lt. Modock. After you've put a dialog on an object, a new tab is added to the selected object. Here you can change your interaction description.
- (note) Creed's song, *put head in both palms, how emberrasing*
- (note) Interesting ready room; when I was looking to the banner, the truck really caught my attention... How did you get it there?
- (problem) You initiate a "beam out" animation as soon as I click the ondesk computer. This animation is only temporary which means that my char returns within 5 to 10 seconds after the animation is run.
Map 4; Antares Queen Promenade
- (suggestion) When you beam in, the beaming officer lays down. The option I got was "Talk to Liner Crewman". Considering his "situation" this would have been more fitting: "Investigate the crewman for any lifesigns".
- (continuity) After you've spoken to the ship purser, they become invisible. There's no mentioning of it. I would keep them there if I were you.
- (naming) Another two "interact"'s with the provision cargo stacks.
- (typo) "Restaraunts" => "Restaurants"
- (continuity) "Talk to passenger" <== did you mean "Investigate passenger"?
Map 5; Cap'n Quarters
- (naming) Another Interact with the computer (advertisement dialog <= written nicely/funny)
- (typo) "muliple ships" => "multiple ships"
- (typo) "to protech" => "to protect"
Map 6; Space
- (note) Fun space battle
- (naming) The enemies got standard names, it's all in the details and as such I would love to see them given their own shipname.
Map 7; Engi
- (suggestion) The beam-in point seems a bit empty. You can resolve this easily by throwing in a patrolling mob just like you did on the corridors.
- (suggestion) The second room is just that empty. It might be wise to close off the area's where the player doesn't need to be. You can easily produce this by adding a forcefield with some fires+smoke behind it. Same for the third room (it's too large for only one mob (adding a group of hostages may "liven things up" a bit))
- (note) Coolant leak; cool! Made me think of ST:FC
- (typo) Task "Help stablize the Warp Core" ==> Stabilize
- (info) The ship's Profile dialog (my compliments for adding such dialogs in most of the maps) states the Excaliber class has a mass of 900.000 metric tons. That should have to be 990.000 metric tonnes. Oh; and the "interact" button.
Map 8; Deck six
- (note) If I have to judge by the light in the turbolift, it looks like this is a night groundmap.
- (continuity) As the evil player I am, I am walking around the map without actually starting the storyline here (the sit-rep). And yes, the map is open.
- (funny note) Alright, I have arrived at the room of Petty officer Tevalie. The first thing I clicked was "Interact" which gives me the dialog "You hear a flushing sound"; the next thing is the petty officer asking if it's safe to get out there... This smells fishy haha
- (note) Okay, I have arrived at Chief Bella's room and am happy to see everyone being named here. Oh look, Cadet Lynch... It would be perfect it was a redshirt "Ensign Lynch" (*hint*hint* ST:FC)
- (grammer) "are shaken up" should be "are shook up" *if I am correct*
- (note) Ah, your music playlist, lol.
- (note) Combat parties are well divided over the whole map. Nicely done.
- (suggestion) Again not all the NPC's have identifiable names. Adding these would make a nice addition
Map 9; The bridge
- (note) Well, at least Dorf is awake now.
- (note) The subtle Raider Kick by the captain, Awesome!
- (note) Another "Interact", although nice detail.
- (grammer) "We managed to fight them off, but they managed to do a little damage" ==> "We managed to fight them off, unfortunatly for us they were still able to do a bit of damage".
Map 10; Lazlo
- (naming) When looking back, I see "Weather Starstreaks West East 01"
- (note) Loads of freighters and such, makes this map "alive". Oh and a Nausicaan? Awesome.
- (note) Capsized dreams, interesting... I had to think about the costa concordia.
- (typo) "expeiencing" => "experiencing"
Map 11; Station Interiour
- (note) Glit's party isn't really going, is it? (oh wait, wrong room)
- (suggestion) When entering the crowded hall, I see you've redecorated the ground by user floor tiles. Unfortunatly there's lot of clipping going on. You can fix this by disabling the option "snap to grid" (or whatever) and offset some of the blocks with 0.001 cm. This fixes your clipping problem.
- (note) Another "Interact". Although I enjoy these in your previous maps, this one talking about Tal'lek's profile seems a bit out of place.
- (note) Oh my, "anything green".. What a pick-up line!
- (note) Huh? Another Glit? What the..
- (grammer) "The crew woman" ==> "The female crew"
Map 12; DS Assault
- (note) Did I saw the Ikazuchi fighting AND being static near the Knave?
- (note) easy combat, fun.
Map 13; Knave
- (typo) "My tricoder" ==> "My tricorder"
- (note) "Venus Drug", you mean the future's variant of the blue pill? >.<
- (suggestion) I see the forcefield, but it's rather... lacking in height. I don't really know, but it looks like a caitian is able to jump over it. How about trying to up the Y-axis a bit.
- (note) The romulan ensign looks a lot like Sela..
- (grammer) "there's more " ==> "There are more female prisoners"
- (typo) I have trouble saying you're "errection" is incorrect.. (you are allowed to giggle). One r is enough.
- (grammer) "The controls for the forcefield" ==> "The forcefield controller"
- (continuity) There's already one Slavegirl outside the --- correction; two --- forcefields. What the... three? Oh haha one jumped back.. Oh well, would probably be the "wander" option.
- (typo) "Preped" ==> "prepped"
- (grammer) "some of the other crew woman" ==> "some of the other female crew".
- (grammer) "the ones in the holds have been liberated" => "the ones in the holding cells have been recued"
Map 14; CMD deck
- (typo) "Personl favorites" ==> "Personal favorites"
- (grammer) "any you three" ==> "All three of you"
Map 15; Bridge, revisited
- (note) Dorf sleeping again? Geez
- (note) Jen and Corspa, fun little continuation you've did there.
- (biological lesson) Not feeling from the neck up? Didn't you mean from the neck down? Haha, was funny though.
- (typo) "Councilors" ==> "Counselors"
- (correction) "Mirav-are angry." <== I believe the - was misplaced?
- (typo) "greatful" ==> "grateful"
Conclusion;
Great story! It touches the troubles of today and puts them into a ST environment. Well done. Even though the mission was awesome, the map changes became a bit tedious after map change 9 or 10. Most of the maps had function so i'm not saying you have to reduce the numbers. Be proud of what you've created!
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
On a side note; I've just refitted my beautiful Andy with a bunch of Dil-mine RCS's... I wonder how it'll handle
Mission starter (ESD as a starting door will be included here as well):
- (typo) "liason" ==> "liaison" and the same for the NPC at ESD - Wiki
- (synonym) "ships are pouring through" ==> "ships are dropping out of"
Map 1; DS9 space
- (dialog/combat) Battle started while I'm still reading dialog, while I have to battle two enemy groups the two ships who warped in did the job for me. While that would be pretty helpful for newer players, I would rather want a little challenge.
- (note) Second dialog has the standard "continue". But combat only started after the dialog, nice!
- (dialog/combat) Once again, while reading the third dialog combat already started...
- (naming) All fed ships have standard names ("Nebula/Majestic/Typhoon class starship"). It would be a nice touch if they have U.S.S. designations.
- (animation) while writing the above points, I see the fed ships warping in all the time. You might let them do patrol (weight = max) to avoid this problem.
- (capitalization) "dominion" ==> "Dominion"
Map 2; DS9 ground
- (naming) Task "fallen officer" ==> "injured officer" (more appropriate)
- (correction) "get ahold of yourself" ==> "get a hold of yourself"
- (correction) "firefight" ==> "fight"
- (note) Nice!! I was presuming the Dominions spawn when you finish the dialog. So I went and looked around the base for an entrance... You've put a forcefield there. NICE Work!
- (placement) You've put one piece of debris inside. I was able to jump over this, is that intended?
- (note) Putting the the mobs as a task made it feel "forced", this is my personal opinion. Three groups = okay, five a bit... repetitive. Then 2 mobs after the EPS overload... Mobs == okay, but give me the ability to choose to shoot or evade them
- Computers to restore energy stand rather.... low.
- (typo) "Lietenant?" ==> "Lieutenant"
- (typo) "Here me" ==> "hear me"
Conclusion;
This mission was cut off quite suddenly. While there was enough combat, it lacked a bit story-wise.
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience
like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
FYI: This is the first mission I dropped mainly caused by all the playability mistakes that occured. I was thinking to give a 2/5 or 3/5. Gave you an 3/5 for the efforts you did making the maps..
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (typo; description) "degre" => "degree"
- (suggestion; description) You have different point, but it's just one green blob. Try to seperate it in couple of independent paragraphs.
- (question) "...communication from Command..." <== Do you actually mean "Starfleet Command"?
- (suggestion) "I have the co-ordinates" ==> "I have the coordinates"
Map 1; SI HQ
- (note) Nice one with the forcefield keeping the user from wandering.
- (FYI) After starting your mission, I kept my char for about 12 minutes at the "Submit to scan"-effect. My mem-usage soared to 1.8 GB RAM (it started at 610 MB, I only started my STO client about 10 minutes before). I would like you to drop couple of those scan-lasers to keep the mem from soaring. This isn't something you did wrong, but for users with a lesser PC this may cause major lag problems. FYI; I had to restart my client.
- (naming question) You've written "The Director", but I don't know if that name really is the correct one in your mission context.
- (clipping) I see a clipping wall on both sides. Both the walls and (above) the door. Especially the wall above the door is clipping quite heavily. Deactivate "Snapping to grid" option and changing the coordinates with about 0.01m (either X or Z, not Y) can resolve these problems.
- (textual improvements) When I get the coordinates, it's not really "easy to read". You can improve this by using seperate paragraphs and coloring (you can do this with [OOC]which direction[/OOC] to get here, etc).
- (clipping) Black wall and door wall is clipping in the main room.
- (map creation) I see the secretary's office isn't finished, AND the walls are clipping. Try changing the coordinates a bit.
- (continuity) I haven't spoken to the Director yet, but the map to the Quartermaster's room was open (I meant the room with the shuttle).. This caused me to switch a trigger too early in the story.
- (note) With some of the dialog you've kept the "Continue" buttons, I would love to see more "active" dialog where there's an actual reaction can be given by you.
- (grammer) "...between the good guys and the bad guys" ==> "...between the good and the bad guys".
- (grammer) "Good. You've an appointment" ==> "Good, you have an appointment" (that makesit just a bit easier to read).
- (dialog) "this holoprogramma" ==> "this holoprogram"
- (clipping) The cargo corner has an object clipping through it's floor.
- (placement) The cargo crates are standing just a tiny bit too low for the floor.
- (question) Is there seriously a hidden wall surrounding the cargo crates?... It doesn't let me jump on top of them.
- (playability) When you suffer a DC, you need to drop the mission (instead of going through the maps). This is caused by the scan/forcefield in front of the starting point.
- (quotation) You've started a quote with: The cushy captain not being... But there's no endquote.
- (question) When you start the holodeck action, you actually use the same map. Wasn't it possible to use the same map and let the bunch disappear when you start the holodeck?
Map 2; Holodeck
- (note) Some mobs looked like they kept sticking inside the walls.
- (note) Combat was well balanced, nicely done.
Map 3; HQ again
- (suggestion) You named the map "SI HQ#2", but you can actually reuse the same name, the #2 is not needed.
- (dialog) You used [Missioninfo] to give a hint to the player. Unfortunatly a sentence from the normal dialog was added as well: "It's probably best if we wait outside." (which is part of the boff's dialog).
- (interpunction) "...are based on, and it's also..." <== If I am correct, you can either use a comma OR "and", but not both.
- (grammer) "...used for trading with the other states with whom" <== chance is almost noone actually will notice this, but you used two similar words (with) close to eachother. The second one could be missed if I am correct.
- (grammer) "have been stolen" ==> "has been stolen"
- (grammer) "contents" ==> "content"
- (grammer) "were beamed" ==> "was beamed"
- (continuity) "This is the man we think is responsible" <== You've placed this sentence in the first paragraph but it's pointing to the next paragraph. It might be better to move that sentence over to the second paragraph.
- (question) How did you "turn" the Baron sideways? Cool!
- (grammer) "...and then was discharged. And then he vanished." <== Just like "with" in one of the previous dialogs. You can replace the second "And then" with: "He vanished short after that."
- (grammer) "You said about a note?" ==> "you said something about a note?" or "You mentioned of a note?"
- (dialog) You used "continue" couple of times
- (continuity) Blueprints for Thalaron weaponry? If I'm correct thalaron weaponry is forbidden inside Federation Canon.
- (grammer) "but they may not be enough" ==> "but that may not be enough"
- (continuity) "disable hologram" doesn't disable the hologram
- (placement) The isolinear chip is floating on top of the table. You can disable the "snapping to grid" option to finetune it's Y-axis.
- (grammer) "Energising" ==> "Energize"
Map 4; Lissepia
- (note) The first thing I saw were the buildings, nice effects!
- (placement) The shuttle warp nacelles are clipping a bit with the platform which it stands on.
- (note) It might help to add a visual queue where you want the player go to. You can barely see it on the map.
Map 5; Central Bank
- (placement) First of all, some of the walls look to hover just couple of CM's over the floor
- (note) The ferengi, lol.
Map 6; Risa
- (playability) Once again I DC'd here... it's not really that funny anymore doing the mission over and over again (this is the 3rd time, if I must be honest I'm thinking just to quit this mission; something you really want to prevent a player doing)
- (question) The tuxedo guy beames out when you talk to him?
- (placement) After walking in the first hut (after the game) I see people sitting on top (or inside) of the table.
- (placement) The second hut seems to be placed just a tad too high, oh and she's floating a bit too high above the chair.
- (language) "Bonsoir", isn't that the American way to say "Bonjour"?
- (grammer) "I hear you own part..." ==> "I hear you own a part..."
- (note) Underneath the mango tree
- (continuity) Yet again the tuxedo mans beams in (or out) while he is still standing there, why?
- (continuity) While turning around to talk to the girl, she beams in as well. Oh and when finished the table disappears except the wine glass/bottle. It's all about the details.
- (placement) Third hut, the cart is "floating in air".
- (playability) When you're entering the cave you get attacked from behind of you without a warning dialog or anything.
- (continuity) Console in the water is kind of... strange.
- (note) The walking around is kind of getting annoying if I have to be honest.
- (placement) Why a wall of forcefields? There's the invisible wall you can use.
- (note) no animation when tagging
I am done with the mission.
When walking over the pile of latinum, there was a little hole which was surrounded by these piles. I fell in this hole and was unable to get out.
Conclusion:
3/5 for the efforts you put into this mission because I know how hard it is to do foundry work. I really urge you to recheck your mission.
Here's the thread for it with the general information.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?p=12091681#post12091681
Since it's a playtest, I won't mind doing this! Because Amahood has been waiting for a while I'll do your mission directly after his. Would be done this weekend!
Thank you
Hey Stoutes,
Thanks for the in-depth review. This is an incredibly useful thing you're doing and it's already added a lot to my bug list for part 1. I did want to ask though if you had any comments on the final map. (Your review ends on the second to last map.)
Also to answer a couple things, the "Interact" text is something we can't change on any object that has default dialog. Unfortunately, this is also the only way to add dialog to an object that can be accessed repeatedly. Hopefully one day they'll add in the option to change interact button.
Another thing you asked is about the ring around the planet. Each planet has a property to add a ring to it which will give you a number of different rings to choose from. If you don't know it's there, it's easy to miss.
Lastly, the "Science Officer about _____" you see is a feeble workaround to another Foundry limitation. I needed to gate progress in the puzzle so that certain steps couldn't be completed unless other steps had been done first. The only way to do this is with the Dialog with Contact which required all the equipment to actually be NPCs. Thankfully there are a number of NPC props I could use. Unfortunately, the interact buttons default to "Talk to NPC Contact's name." To get around this, I named all the NPC props "Science Officer about _____." When the interact for it came up, it would say, "Talk to Science Officer about _____." Ideally, we'll eventually get the Dialog with Object objective (it's in Neverwinter) which would be the proper tool for the job.
Yup, I've read about repeatable dialog naming problems last week. We could ask Frost if the foundry team can add this option?
I know that you can choose planet rings (used one myself). My problem was that I could only get the perfect horizontal ones while yours was slightly tilted (if I remember correctly though).
While the logic is... logic
Anyhow, I must comment it was a great mission to preview! Well done!
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience
like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
On a side note; I've just bought the Exeter yesterday. I wonder how it will handle in space combat
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description, grammer) "...with the Foundry, this particular Mission, I have made, a copy..." <== lots of comma's
- (mission description, suggestion) Your actual mission introduction is found at the bottom, you might put it above the [OOC][/OOC] since it's fading in the background at the moment.
- (typo) "intersted" ==> "interested"
- (note) "Bedah"... interesting you've used this! Awesome!
- (note) Well written first dialog, you've improved
- (grammer - New rom) When you say you're from T-S, the boff says "..that our VA has sometimes", "...sometimes has" would fit better.
- (grammer - New rom) "...suggest we look in Caves" ==> "in the Caves" or something like that would improve readability a bit.
Map 1; New Romulus Cave
- (note) First of all, good work with the Dialogs! And Dun-dun-dun dundundun ... lol!
- (interpunction) "... Capacitator, is barely..." ==> this comma is unnecessary.
- (interpuntion) "...of theirs off" <== this one could use a comma =D, "...if theirs, off"
- (playability) You haven't closed off the entrance to the next room, this way i was able to stroll through the whole map. Hoped there would be an easter egg XD
- (note) EXPLOSIONS! You've got me hooked!!
- (typo) "Somthing" => "Something"
- (suggestion) After the explosion, the room is rather "empty" and lacks a "Oh noes!" feeling. Maybe couple of fires and such may improve this feeling.
- (note) Just walked into the corridor to hit the first "search for a way out of the cave" trigger. First of all; AWESOME effect, second of all; you hit the right tone to give the dialog an "emotional feeling" but without it being too much. It's a big improvement!
- (note) After finding the next corridor, you did a "change map" trigger. I was so into the game I didn't even noticed that, well done!!!
Map 2; Looking for a way out
- (note) The "well, come on people" is just a tiny bit of answer I doubt a captain would usually say to their officers. And dinner, haha. Funny but I doubt it really fits inside the story
- (grammer) "got this far" ==> "gotten this far"
- (note) Good job with the spiderwebbing
Map 3; Surface
- (note) That's a well chosen map if I would say so.
- (note) The building looks quite impressive from a distance, unfortunatly when you're getting closer you can see that the windows each have a different Y-axis height. This could be looked at.
- (trigger) The trigger which says you have to go up the ramp is in front of the actual ramp. I tried to walk and jump onto it but (because i was on the 1st floor) I missed the trigger
- (note) Aefvadh <== Nice touch, Amahood! Nice touch!
- (typo) "Explanaition" ==> Explanation
- (grammer) "That would be the only explanaition that would make sense" <== You used the same wording twice in one sentence. While it's not wrong I usually recommend against using this since it makes sentences a bit harder to read.
- (typo) "Heroe's" ==> "Heroes"
- (note) Your usage of [Missioninfo] colorings in Dialogs are greatly improved! One of my boffs were so happy they shot balloons when we were fighting!
- (note) Even though its an amazing map, it feels like it was only a short period I could be there. I would personally would have liked a bit more past-present-previous-forward-present storytelling available
Map 4; Back in the cave
- (note) At the starting point, you normally need to go forward. As usual I went to see if you've kept the map open, which unfortunatly was. An invisible wall or rock would work fine here.
- (suggestion) When entering the hidden base again, I've problems hitting the trigger, it seems rather small. A bigger one might be a good improvement.
- (suggestion) I was hoping to get a nice bunch of explosions, unfortunatly it didn't...
- (note) Nice ending!! I would certainly keep the amahood zone inside your next levels!
Conclusion:
You improved with major steps this time, Amahood. Your story "flowed" well (even though you had some minor typo's and textual stuff), it was fun to do and it still got a bit of the "Amahood touch" in it. Keep going this route and you most probably amaze us even more in your next mission! 4/5 + tip.
Thank you kindly for the review! I appreciate all the advice!
To answer a thought about why I left areas of the maps open, was because just in case a new author is trying to figure out how something was done, they could walk around and observe to find out perhaps. As I saw someone say they do that , once, on a post somewhere.
Thank you for everything you've said, I shall take in mind all you have said and all others have said as well.
It finally published and is ready for your playthrough.
Hope you enjoy.
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
While the Exeter is one cool ship to fly, I am back to the Risian ship *oh.. The speed*.
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description) Description is placed beneath the line which explains this mission is updated. The OOC text is bold and colored, the mission description is not. This pushes the description in the background. <== It's a subtle thing, not that important but worth saying
- (mission description) Personally I would write "commanding officer" with capitalisations; "Commanding Officer".
- (mission description; interpuntion) "...review or mail @ashkrik23.Can be..." <== A space should follow after a period or comma.
- (mission starter; suggestion and grammer) You've written where you can find the Kessik system ("It's located in the Gamma Orionis"), I would love to see this getting it's own paragraph and having it colored green (Missioninfo tag). The sentence seems unfinished, you may add "...block, {the correct} sector."
- (mission starter; suggestion) While you've written up twice where to go, it's not mentioned in the task (speak to commanding officer at Outpost 77)
Map 1; Orbit
- (note) First thing I notice is that there's a bunch of vessels flying around, that brings it more alive.
- (naming) The ships aren't renamed though; they are called "ShiKar/Typhoon/Miranda/Emissary class vessel". If you lack the creativeness to cook up fun names; find the lyrics of your favorite song and use whatever you like to use from it. Before you know it you'll be looking for more things to rename
Map 2; Lion's pride
- (typo) The map's mission text says "Speak with Vice Admiral M'Sarabi.i"
- (note) I can distinguish bunch of different Caitian's on this bridge, premade of couple of self-made costumes? Love the variaty.
- (naming) Only the important NPC's are named, I would like to see the guards being named as well, it's the details that can finish it off.
- (typo) "confidental" <== "confidential"
- (grammer) "...and shall not leave..." <== "...and must not leave..."
- (typo) "violatile" <== "Volatile"
- (grammer) "...if left uncheck the..." <== "...if left unchecked the..."
- (note) Well design bridge! Even though the readyroom being rather empty, the place did give a feel of peace / serenity. Well placed NPC's.
Map 3; Space, time to depart
- (continuity) I am missing the satellite which was next to the Lion in the first space map...
- (naming) No ships have been renamed.
Map 4; Unknown system
- (note) My first reaction; AWESOME! First of all; the map design (all the green, the gate and the fighting already going on) is nicely put together!
- (note) I've got a dialog while the fight is going, BUT the fight is out of my way and the patrol which has to help you aren't that overpowering so you don't come there for nothing. Once again well done.
- (suggestion) After the fighting, the map feels rather empty.. You can overcome that by putting couple debris fields at both sides of the gate that continues to the structures on both sides. It doesn't have to be much, as long as you don't get the empty feeling.
Map 5; Inside the cube
- (note) Putting the drones inside an alcove is quite the work. Well done.
- (note) While reading the dialog I saw one Borg mob going my way, that gave me an *oh darn, stay away, i'm not prepared yet!*-feeling, well done!
- (combat) Combat is quite heavy, and having the ambush in one place (behind you instead of surrounding you) is strange. But overall liking it!
- (note) You have put some large objects inside the first room, good job. The more claustrophobic-ish a borg map feels, the better.
- (playability) Every mob has an elite tact drone, after the 3rd or 4th map this will get kind of tiresome. A bit more variety or a bit more lighter mobs spread out could replace this nicely. It's now either full-on or nothing. The perfect spot is somewhere inbetween
- (continuity) I've accidentally reached the long room with all the rods coming out of the ceiling (apparently the data node center). I presume this part will be used later on in the story. I suggest using a forcefield to keep the corridor unaccessable until you have to get there (I got there by shooting the mobs ---- I see I totally missed the first corridor).
- (continuity) I need to kill 3, the biggie in the mob is called 1 of 4?? <== Oh wait, nvm.
- (question) Why do I see an l'Zira Scar outside an holding cell talking about revenge? And Voporak (lol) inside?
- (typo) "Alpha Qaudrant" ==> "Alpha Quadrant"
Map 6; Cube, #777
- (note) Beam-in point is nice.
- (playability) Looking at the map, let me guess, all heavy mobs? Lucky it's all optional...
- (continuity) What the... The console disappears after you've accessed it? Is there a logic behind it?
- (note) 5 mobs next to eachother isn't really my idea of fun. It's getting grindy quite fast: "buff up, shoot, die, respawn, buff up, shoot, die". I understand that the *enemy* must be way stronger now with the *thing* they've found, but disperse the mobs a bit.
- (grammer) "Ready to engage transporters" <== I read this as if I have to fight the transporters, quite funny but I think you mean it a bit differently.
Map 7; back
- (note) Nice intro once again!
- (question) Was the hexagon a reskinned cube? As soon as you blow it up, it changes into a blowing up cube..
- (continuity) I get around 5 dialogs talking about going through the gateway, please try to use less dialogs which are all saying the same.
- (continuity) I get a warp-out animation but still have to "engage" to go to transwarp after that.
- (typo) "ready for transwarpsir." ==> "ready for transwarp, sir."
- (question) "...as soon as we drop out." <== Drop out of what?
Map 8; Outpost
- (note) I see 4 enemies with the exact same Y-axis height next to eachother. It would always look better when they differ a bit in height
- (question) While finishing off these cubes I see two planets but can remember only one in the first Output map. Am I that forgetful?
- (continuity) After opening the dialog with the Lion, both he and the enemy disappear? Oh, the next Dialog screen answers that.
Map 9; Sector 0
- (note) quite well filled up this map. Not bad.
- (naming) Federation Cruiser 4 Galaxy, Federation Cruiser 3 Dakota? Miss the naming for the other fedmobs as well.
- (note) Lots of pewpew, not much dialog/typo's/etc
Map 10; ESD
- (grammer) "...I'm detecting 4 lifesigns behind held in..." <== "behind" doesn't seem to fit in this sentence.
- (note) I love how you "borgified" ESD. The backdrop seems to miss the stars though.
- (placement) In sickbay one of the drones seem to be stuck in the side of the holding cell.
- (placement) The same with the club47 cell. Oh and the cell itself looks to be set a bit too low.
- (typo) Final confrontation: "accquired" ==> "acquired"
Map 11; Warp
- (note) Subtle ending. You might close the space off with invisible walls though.
Conclusion:
I've given you 4/5, mainly due to map design and story. Downside with this mission is how all the mobs are "packed up" if you know what I mean. I was rather happy that about 90% of the mobs were optional, that saved you :P (tac+operative kit ftw).
I'll look over all of these suggestions as I was planning to do some updating after I ran it with my friends.
Good job.
"Survival Must Be Earned"
ST-HFRZNLYYO
Author: malize
Lang: English
Faction: Klingon
Level: Any
As I've already given you a reaction in your topic but haven't put it in my list yet (sorry for that!) your mission will be the next one for me to play!
I will start your mission in couple of minutes, might not finish it today though.
no worries, it'll be good to get a second pair of eyes on it...not sure if some things I'm seeing in what I can play through is an artifact of my machine or not
As soon as the review is finished I'll be posting it in this thread, now it's time to sleep :cool: .
On the first ground map, did you see a bunch of non-moving contacts start out in the spawn location and start to try and run about?
I've been getting that and its driving me nuts because I can't figure out why...but if its just an artifact of my machine, that'd be good to know.
If it's a non-moving NPC it could be that you've set this one to "wander" but kept the wander duration very short.
If it's a friendly map, try to use "patrol" to move around the platform you're standing on.
"No matter where you go...there you are."
Yeah, your mission was very enjoyable and as I've said in the review; you can be very proud of your creation
Spelling checker in the foundry? Lol please no, I saw the foundry saying breadcrumbs was a profane word :P, before you know it your mission will be filled with gibberish.