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Your Most humorous Doff Critical

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  • bortjinxbortjinx Member Posts: 397
    edited January 2013
    I just remembered a couple of crit successes I got months ago.

    There was a bug when beaming into Qo'nos that meant you occasionally ended up beaming to the Academy, or the Shipyard. Over the course of about a week, I executed two transporter chiefs for incompetence (they were beaming me to the wrong place), and I critted on both of them :)

    Edit: I also executed two Chefs that week. Both got disaster results while preparing Baked Tribble for me.

    It was a good week for morale :)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • nicha0nicha0 Member Posts: 1,456 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Greens used to die, they don't anymore.
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  • hereticknight085hereticknight085 Member Posts: 3,783 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    dma1986 wrote: »
    I'm not saying you're lying, I'm just really confused how 2 different things that can't (or at least shouldn't be able to) happen, happened to you over the course of a few days.

    FWIW, in all the Vulcan freighters and stations I've raided (or at least, all the ones I've raided over the time I've been tracking the results) I've never seen them bring back contraband. They've dropped almost enough variety to build an entire ship's fittings though, and enough prisoners to keep Rura Penthe going until it runs out of dilithium :P:

    These were kinda old (as in a week+), I was just running on memory. And the death of the DOffs was a month ago or so.
    It is said the best weapon is one that is never fired. I disagree. The best weapon is one you only have to fire... once. B)
  • jbmaverickjbmaverick Member Posts: 935 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Sent a team consisting of only Vulcans to meditate on Vulcan. Result: Failure, the team started a fight with the locals.

    The universe has a wonderful sense of humor. The trick is learning how to take a joke.
  • snowpig74snowpig74 Member Posts: 267 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Maybe Pon farr - season? :D
  • dma1986dma1986 Member Posts: 541 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    dareau wrote: »
    Mine:

    Sending one of the (then new) Tholian Warfare DOffs (can't remember exactly which one) on the Bajoran Marathon... and winning...
    Well, of course. Have you seen how quickly spiders can run :D
  • dareaudareau Member Posts: 2,390 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    dma1986 wrote: »
    Well, of course. Have you seen how quickly spiders can run :D

    Exactly why I sent him in the first place. However, I just imagined the uproar when a bunch of Bajorans and other 2-legged contestants suddenly saw a racer-tag on an EV-suited 6-legged crystalline "spider"... :P
    Detecting big-time "anti-old-school" bias here. NX? Lobi. TOS/TMP Connie? Super-promotion-box. (aka the two hardest ways to get ships) Excelsior & all 3 TNG "big hero" ships? C-Store. Please Equalize...

    To rob a line: [quote: Mariemaia Kushrenada] Forum Posting is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever. However, opinions will change upon the reading of my post.[/quote]
  • diogene0diogene0 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Critting Hamlet with Romulans, Tholians, Klingons, Deferis, Holograms (including the orion love slave), vortas, etc. This performance has been a huge success several times! :mad:
    Lenny Barre, lvl 60 DC. 18k.
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  • hereticknight085hereticknight085 Member Posts: 3,783 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    New one:
    Crit on Confiscate Contraband. Result: 1 contraband, 2 small hypos, 1 tribble (whaa???).

    I love my security officers. I swear they are drunk when they do these sweeps. Btw, this is fed-side, so tribble is a wtf XD.

    Disaster on Crew Leave on Andoria:
    3 Andorians (all blue, 2 injured), 1 Orion (also blue, injured), 1 Human (green, injured). All I can figure is the human went after the Orion, the Andorians intervened, and Bob's your uncle. Ain't that a *****.

    Disaster on Pilgrimage to Vulcan:
    Bajoran with Spiritual and Emotional. Injured. I guess the priests thought she was too emotional.
    It is said the best weapon is one that is never fired. I disagree. The best weapon is one you only have to fire... once. B)
  • weylandjuarezweylandjuarez Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    New one:
    Crit on Confiscate Contraband. Result: 1 contraband, 2 small hypos, 1 tribble (whaa???).

    I love my security officers. I swear they are drunk when they do these sweeps. Btw, this is fed-side, so tribble is a wtf XD.

    Disaster on Crew Leave on Andoria:
    3 Andorians (all blue, 2 injured), 1 Orion (also blue, injured), 1 Human (green, injured). All I can figure is the human went after the Orion, the Andorians intervened, and Bob's your uncle. Ain't that a *****.

    Disaster on Pilgrimage to Vulcan:
    Bajoran with Spiritual and Emotional. Injured. I guess the priests thought she was too emotional.

    I've had tribbles turn up pretty often on the Fed confiscate missions - lots of Cannibal Tribbles too :D

    Currently I've got my Exocomps testing out Thermal Outerwear during the holiday season and for some reason I've ended up with 4 copies of Yelgren (sp?) who I enjoy hosting a holiday party with - I'll have to set up a poker game with the 4 of them soon :)

    Oh, and my Borg Doffs have been doing great work decorating Hydroponics - Q's been very impressed by their efforts several times now :)
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  • purple2dreampurple2dream Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
  • deserverdeserver Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    ANALYZE BIOLOGICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF TULABERRIES

    Officers Assigned: Satel Pentek (Cardassian Botanist - Green), Regunk (Ferengi Botanist - Green)

    Critical Success: A number of novel discoveries were made, shedding considerable light on this as a resource. Your First Officer advises keeping the Ferengi from finding out about this work, however...

    Reward: 980 EC, 125 Dilithium, 3754 Science, 2716 Expertise, 3112 Skill


    And how exactly are they going to keep "the Ferengi from finding out" when a Ferengi is on the team that discovered this???
  • gavinrunebladegavinruneblade Member Posts: 3,894 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    I wasn't looking just clicking people assigned to missions fast.

    I had sent an unscrupulous and efficient explosives operative, and unscrupulous and aggressive explosives operative and an unscrupulous cunning chef on the make candycane MRE's mission... really, not sure if anyone should eat those things.

    I'm also not sure how no one got hurt in the cooking process.
  • evilghost1026evilghost1026 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    test......
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • lolimpicardlolimpicard Member Posts: 309
    edited January 2013
    Did I miss it?
    Did nobody mention Critical Failure of Prepare Tribble Kebab/Baked Tribble?

    It was a good day to die.. Tribbles.. Tribbles everywhere.

    Not directly related but:
    I have this Rare Nausicaan Doctor: Aggressive, Unruly.
    Had an ordinary success once where the common "victim" of his "medical procedures" did not survive...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    He's dead, Jim.
  • deianirrahdeianirrah Member Posts: 236 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    I wasn't looking just clicking people assigned to missions fast.

    I had sent an unscrupulous and efficient explosives operative, and unscrupulous and aggressive explosives operative and an unscrupulous cunning chef on the make candycane MRE's mission... really, not sure if anyone should eat those things.

    I'm also not sure how no one got hurt in the cooking process.
    I found my Tholian Warfare specialists excel in gingerbread creation...

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  • swindlorswindlor Member Posts: 4 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    For the "Allow injured warrior to commit ritual suicide" mission.

    I assigned my emergency security hologram, he did such a good job killing himself it was a critical success, I collected the loot, then replicated another copy of the same hologram for 1000ec (Pretty much free)
  • hereticknight085hereticknight085 Member Posts: 3,783 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    swindlor wrote: »
    For the "Allow injured warrior to commit ritual suicide" mission.

    I assigned my emergency security hologram, he did such a good job killing himself it was a critical success, I collected the loot, then replicated another copy of the same hologram for 1000ec (Pretty much free)

    What did he do, decompile his program one line at a time?
    It is said the best weapon is one that is never fired. I disagree. The best weapon is one you only have to fire... once. B)
  • carthaincarthain Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    my favorite so far:
    http://grab.by/j6qy

    no story though... oh well ton of rewards instead, mostly useless
  • hereticknight085hereticknight085 Member Posts: 3,783 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    carthain wrote: »
    my favorite so far:
    http://grab.by/j6qy

    no story though... oh well ton of rewards instead, mostly useless

    I dunno, that phaser relay looks tasty. As does that contraband...
    It is said the best weapon is one that is never fired. I disagree. The best weapon is one you only have to fire... once. B)
  • majortiraomegamajortiraomega Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Sent Claudius, Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, and a Purple Emergency Security Hologram on assignment Strike Against Fugitive Support Network. Success, Claudius and Hamlet went to sickbay while the Security Hologram was left untouched. Somehow I doubt the Jem'hadar had anything to do with those injuries.

    Another one, Drinks on the Town with Claudius, Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Ang the Vicious (Breen Warfare Specialist), Ten of Ten (Purple Technician), and a Vulcan Entertain Hologram (Purple Entertainer). Critical success (2 injured), Claudius and Hamlet went to sickbay for drink poisoning. Ten of Ten requested permission to run a level 1 diagnostic on the pair, with suspicions about Claudius...I can't leave those two in a room alone for five minutes.
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  • red01999red01999 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Although the Exo-Comp managing to join in at Captain's Night and its repeated trips to find spirituality on Vulcan are quite entertaining, in terms of a crit, I have but one incident that takes the cake.

    My Emergency Security Hologram perished while testing medications derived from Gamma Quadrant commodities (I think it was ketracel).

    Alas.

    That said I would like to note that it is very disturbing that for a decent length of time, my best DOffs were defectors, Jem'Hadar, an Exo-Comp and the bartender. :D
  • stirling191stirling191 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Tholian winning the Beta Ursae Marathon.

    Who knew crystal spiders were good for cross country?
  • badname834854badname834854 Member Posts: 1,186 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    For me, probably using pre-release Cardassians for a "Bajoran Gratitude Ceremony". I critted.

    /trollface
  • ruinsfateruinsfate Member Posts: 58 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    On my kdf char, I sent my crew to two different debates. They both came back Success (1 lost, 1 injured). In both cases the lost doff was a medic.

    Medics. Dead. From SUCCESSFUL. DEBATES.

    I was literally dumbstruck, staring at this result and wondering what kind of absolute headcases my crew are.
  • dabelgravedabelgrave Member Posts: 979 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Back while the doff stuff was still on Tribble, I had an Emergency Medical Hologram get a critical success on Permit Crippled Warrior to Commit the Hegh'bat.
  • novapolaris#2925 novapolaris Member Posts: 805 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    eisenw0lf wrote: »
    A poker sessions with Jem'Hadar, Klingons and one female Orion Entertainer.

    Result:
    Desaster - 2 injured, Entertainer dead.

    Someone must have been cheating. But why did they kill the Orion?

    One of the players didn't happen to be... paying the entertainer (dealer) under the table to make another one of the players look like a cheater to settle a personal grudge, did they, by any chance?
  • pokersmith1pokersmith1 Member Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Assignment: Compete with a strategema master.
    Doff sent: Green vulcan male
    Outcome: Disaster (1 injured)
    Explanation: Your player lost after only two moves, something seemingly statistically impossible. The player was taken to medical lab for psychological examination.
    Doff status: Losing at a Strategema can be traumatic.


    Imagine if this was chess. 1. e4 any move 2. Checkmate!!

    No wonder my dear doff was traumatized!!
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  • yehoshuaharyehyehoshuaharyeh Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    'Perform Routine Turbolift Maintenance'

    This has happened a number of times, at least once per character, in different variations....


    Disaster! (1 Lost, 1 Injured)


    Using different variations of rarity and skill, it's almost inevitable that if I accept this mission, half of the time this is the result.

    I'm thinking about making a Foundry mission based on this: "Turbolift of Terror!"
  • smkismki Member Posts: 29 Arc User
    edited February 2013
    "Result: Critical, 2 redirected to raid in [sector]..."
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