Just to be certain, you were testing it with the NPC dialogue style (Use default prompt or whatever it was called) or with the standard trigger-based style? Because I was actually talking about the former, as I noticed several objects with that ability in the Foundry - and hide the stuff using the triggers later when you don't need them.
I actually tested a number of different trigger methods. I also went back and reviewed the tutorials available on Starbase UGC. There are a number of options to use for optional dialogue. It just takes practice.
This post for the delivery method will be perfect. Thank you!
Also, if you have any idea why the first players find it average I'll be glad to hear why. Is it too long? Does it require more optional stuff and more dialog options I really don't enjoy adding? Does it need more or more challenging fights and less dialogs?
Mission title: The Twilight of the gods
Author: @diogene0
Faction: Fed
Level Requirement: 16+
Mission Summary:
A Starfleet transport shuttle crashed on Pico VI. This planet is extrelemy hostile. Starfleet Command orders you to send a rescue team to look for survivors. According to your chief archeologist, your sensors indicate that this planet used to be the homeworld of a prosperous civilization. This might be a good opportunity to learn more about it.
This is a story-driven mission with some challenging fights.
Light on dialog choices and optional stuff, the purpose of the mission is to tell a story and to provide immersion with maps you'll hopefully find good enough.
Federation Mission - The Twilight of the gods
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HBJEDBKTN
Report Start
Summary: Despite starting off a little slow the mission quickly picks up and the player finds themselves battling a Romulan conspiracy that could change the balance of power across the entire quadrant. It is a roller coaster ride of a mission, and is actually longer than 45 minutes. Despite having several spelling and grammatical errors the story is really good. Once the issues I have identified below are fixed this mission will be great. Even in its current state it is very enjoyable with in depth investigations, intriguing dialogue, and challenging combat that all combine to make a very playable mission. I would highly recommend this mission to players who like a roller coaster ride of a mission and well written story.
Just a couple of things I noted and wanted to call out. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. I am a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "Here comes Captain Picard". The other item was your use of "Tal'Shiar". According to the wiki site and STO information it should be "Tal Shiar". Other than that I really enjoyed the mission.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is a little confusing. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], the long range sensors of Vulcan orbital station are reporting an unknown activity in the Pico system" to read "[Rank], long range communications aboard the Vulcan orbital station have received a distress signal from Admiral Selok's shuttle in the Pico system".
-Consider changing "Unfortunately, the radiations emitted by the planet prevent us from getting more precise information" to read "The radiation in that sector is preventing us from getting an exact location on the Admiral's shuttle, but it is in the vicinity of Pico VI".
-Consider deleting the entire dialogue from "I suggest" through "The peace is at stake". Replace it with "Starfleet Command has ordered us into the system to find the Admiral. He is the only one who has been able to bring the Klingons to the negotiation table. This may be our last chance for peace."
Mission Task: Despite the fact you included the start location for the first custom map in the Grant Dialogue you should include it in the initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The radiations wouldn't kill you immediately, but it would be an unnecessary risk" to read "The radiation is not at high enough levels to kill you, but it does pose an unnecessary risk".
MAPS: Pico VI Crash site: This is a good map design with nice battles. The dialogue is good but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "a complete and rigorous investigation" to read "a complete and rigorous survey".
-Consider removing the space between "[OOC]You:[/OOC] and "[OOC]We'll see that later[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Check the nearest supposed crash site[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Check the nearest debris field[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "Nothing we sould worry about, eh" to read "Nothing we should worry about, eh".
-Consider changing "We should try to see if they are in stable enough health condition to be beamed up" to read "We should see if they are able to be beamed up".
Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Talk to lieutenant Gtyia[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Talk to Lieutenant Gtyia[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "We feared that the radiations could prevent you from locating us" to read "We feared that the high levels of radiation would prevent you from locating us".
-Consider changing "[OOC]What's your status lieutenant[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]What's your status Lieutenant[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "It's just a matter of time, though, if we do nothing about it" to read "It's just a matter of time, we need to get off the planet's surface".
-Consider changing "The radiations are affecting me too" to read "The high radiation levels are affecting me too".
-Consider removing "but I'll be fine".
-Consider changing "The Admiral has been wounded by wild animals, not by radiations, although they are heavily affecting both of us" to read "The Admiral?s injuries were caused by wild animals, not radiation, but the high levels of radiation are starting to take a toll on both of us".
-Consider changing "He got wounded this way" to read "That is when he was attacked and injured".
-Consider changing "Sir, the strengh of the radiations has increased since we beamed down" to read "Sir, radiation levels have increased since we beamed down".
-Consider changing "There is some interference going on right now, and it will make any transport attemp highly risky" to read "The interference from the increased radiation levels makes transport risky".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm sending this right now" to read "[Rank], I'm sending the equipment to your location now".
-Consider changing "This radiation storm may stop anytime, anyway" to read "With luck this radiation storm will subside soon".
-Consider changing "Once it will be activated, it wouldn't be safe to lower it" to read "Once activated it wouldn't be safe to lower it".
-Consider changing the "Raise the force field" interact object from the desktop console to a regular small console.
-Consider changing "The admiral should be safe until we can go back to the ship" to read "The Admiral should be safe until we can return to the ship".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Now we have some time to investigate these derelicts everyone considers fascinating[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]We should examine the ruins that the Admiral found so fascinating[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]The Vulcans don't put their lives at risk without logical reasons[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]A Vulcan would not risk their life without a logical reason[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]I think the interest he has into this deserves some attention[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I think this deserves some investigation[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Anyway, we're stuck here for some time[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Besides, we're probably going to be stuck here for awhile[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]So, what do we know about these debris" to read "So, what do we know about these ruins".
-Consider changing "The first data we have are somewhat confusing but are definitely interesting, [Rank]" to read "The initial readings we took from the wreckage when we first arrived are very interesting, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "It looks like they come from a spaceship; the ionized particle traces we can pick up on this metal leave no doubt about this". to read "The ionized particle traces we found on the hull leave no doubt the wreckage came from a spaceship".
-Consider removing "The second fact is a lot more intriguing".
-Consider changing "This derelict is roughly ten centuries old" to read "Even more intriguing is the fact that quantum dating indicates the wreckage is at least ten centuries old".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Only a handful of species had the knowledge to build that[/OOC]" to read "Only a handful of species have space travel dating back that far".
-Consider changing "This alloy you can see on my tricorder recordings is definitely Romulan" to read "As you see from the tricorder readout the allow is definitely Romulan in origin".
-Consider changing "This may explain the weird behaviour of Admiral Selok" to read "This may explain the Admiral's fascination with the ruins".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Well, this derelict is yours, commander[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Well these ruins are yours to explore[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "Thank you sir, I'm looking forward to investigate this" to read "Thank you sir, I'm looking forward to investigating this".
-Consider adding dialogue after each scanned object that talks about what was found in each scan.
-Consider changing the task "Gather data about the derelict" to read "Gather data about the ruins".
-Consider changing "One of the derelict we scanned appears to be the main part of the ship" to read "One of the ruin pieces we scanned appears to be what remains of the main part of the ship".
-Consider changing "Some creatures are living there, but we should definitely inspect the remains of this ship" to read "I am detecting wild creatures inside what remains of the ship, but we should investigate the interior".
-The Map Transfer dialogue; consider changing "Are you ready to enter the derelict, [Rank]" to read "Are you ready to enter the airlock, [Rank]".
Inside the derelict: This is a good map design with a few nice battles. The dialogue is good but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The ground must contain very corrosive elements to attack the alloys so heavily in 10 centuries only" to read "The ground must contain very corrosive elements to degrade the alloys in only 10 centuries".
-Consider changing "Our geologists would be very happy here" to read "Our geologists would love this place".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm picking up several non corroded crystalline structures signals" to read "[Rank], I'm detecting several objects that do not appear to be corroded".
-Consider changing "May we go" to read "We should check them out".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Escort your chief engineer to the crystalline modules and gater data about them[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Gather data about the crystalline objects[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "The bad one is that can't say so about the data themselves" to read "The bad news is we can't tell if the data is intact".
Pico VI orbit#2: This is a good map design with tough battles. The dialogue is good but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Based on the map name I am guessing you had the first custom map was "Pico VI orbit".
-Consider changing "The data we found are of high interest" to read "The data we have been able to recover so far is very interesting".
-Consider changing "The preliminary work we made on them revelad that this ship was conducting a scientific mission" to read "Our preliminary findings indicate that this ship was conducting a scientific survey".
-Consider changing "The amount and the quality of data are impressing, even if there isn?t much left of it" to read "Despite the apparent loss of data what remains is impressive".
-Consider changing "Memory alpha should be able to help us in our task" to read "The researchers at Memory Alpha should be able to help us recover more of the data".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm setator Brelak" to read "[Rank], I'm Senator Brelak".
-Consider changing "I command you to hand it over immediately" to read "I demand you hand it over immediately".
-Consider changing "If you don?t, I am entitled to get it back by any mean" to read "If you refuse, I am authorized to use force".
-Consider changing "[OOC]You must have been mistaken, the data modules we took on Pico VI are obviously Vulcan, according to our chief archeologist" to read "There has obviously been a mistake. According to our archeological team, the data modules we retrieved from Pico VI are Vulcan in origin".
-Consider changing "Anyway, we are entitled to take them, according to the interstellar agreements" to read "According to interstellar law, we are entitled to salvage rights as the discoverer of the wreckage".
-If you take the above recommendation consider removing "Any derelict ship belongs to its discoverer".
-Consider removing "It would be difficult to be more explicit".
-Consider changing "Consequently, you are invited to send an official protest to our diplomatic services on Rator III, if you don?t agree" to read "Of course if you disagree with my interpretation of interstellar law you are free to submit a protest through diplomatic channels".
-Consider changing "Now, please move on" to read "Is there anything else I can help you with?".
-Consider changing "I cannot accept this answer, [LastName]" to read "This is unacceptable, [LastName]".
-Consider changing "You will give me these data" to read "You will hand over the data modules".
-Consider changing the response button "This is a Starfleet vessel, not a freighter you can loot whenever you want" to read "This is a Starfleet vessel, not some freighter you can board at will".
-The post "Break the Romulan blockade" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Officer, I need answers and I need them now[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Tactical, I need answers and I need them now[/OOC]".
-Consider removing the [OOC] from "Yes, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "He's Vulcan, but please welcome him well on your board" to read "He's Vulcan, and may be able to help, so please welcome him onboard".
-Consider changing "You will need someone to give you some intelligence about the Romulans" to read "You will need someone who can provide you with some intelligence about the Romulans".
-Consider removing "I have a name for you, but you won't like this".
-Consider changing "She was infiltrating the Tal'shiar but got cought recently, and now she's being held in a highly secured facility" to read "We had an operative who has been working to infiltrate the Tal Shiar for a number of years now, but got caught, and is now being held in a high security facility.
-Consider changing "I am pleased to see that your insight into people is still working pretty well" to read "I am please that your powers of observation have not diminished with time".
-Consider changing the response button "Very well. Can we leave now" to read "Very well. We will get underway now".
-Consider changing the response button "Do I look like an orion pirate" to read "Do I look like and Orion pirate".
-If you use the correction to the response button then consider removing "Be my guest ! ". If not then remove the space between "guest" and "!" in the dialogue.
-Consider changing the response button "Tanks, Admiral" to read "Thank you, Admiral".
Orbiting the Romulan labor camp B451: This is a good map design with tough battles that are not easy to avoid. The dialogue is well wirtten. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The labor camp is at the other side of this asteroid field" to read "The labor camp is on the other side of this asteroid field".
-Consider centering the battle ship directly over the station at a high enough altitude if the player goes in directly underneath the station they can avoid combat.
Romulan labor camp B451: This is a good map design with tough battles, and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I'm Ready to beam you up with the team and our agent, [Rank]" to read "I'm ready to beam you up with the team and our agent, [Rank]".
Conference room: This is a good map design with detailed story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Agent T'Kol, you have been infiltrating the Tal'Shiar until recently, with some success" to read "Agent T'Kol, you have been infiltrating the Tal Shiar until recently, with some success".
-From this point I will only note the map which has dialogue that uses "Tal'Shiar" vice "Tal Shiar".
-There is a "[OOC]" dialogue that you did not put a "You:" in as in previous dialogue.
-Consider changing "They found a lot of archives there, and these archives mentioned a joint Vulcan and Romulan scientific expedition aiming at corroborationg the preliminary work of a Vulcan scientists named Saalok" to read "They found a several entries that referred to a joint Vulcan and Romulan scientific expedition aimed at corroborating the preliminary work of a Vulcan scientists named Saalok".
-Consider changing "Anyway, the Romulans think it's not the case, and that's what matter" to read "Anyway, the Romulans think the report is true and that is what matters".
-Consider changing "Since then they are determined to recover the knowledge this crew discovered" to read "Since then the Romulans have been determined to recover this knowledge at any price".
-Consider changing "[OOC] I'm not hear to hear childish tales[/OOC]" to read "[OOC] I'm not here to hear childish tales[/OOC]".
-Consider removing "I'm going to be straight with you here".
-Consider changing "The Kern, Seedea, Danteri, Xaratine, and Veyga, are under enemy fire and their defenses are on the verge of collapsing" to read "The Kern, Seedea, Danteri, Xaratine, and Veyga systems are under attack and the defenses are on the verge of collapsing".
Gateway: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written and this is a great wrap up to the mission. I really liked the ending. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "At least" to read "At last".
-Consider changing "Our expedition is completely successfull" to read "Our mission is a complete success".
-Consider changing "Our Empire will raise and rule again, subcommander" to read "Our Empire shall rise and rule again, sub commander".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and with a little polish it will be a great mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
I could have never anticipated such a grammatical disaster. I think I should stop translating my dialog-heavy mission into English and buy some grammar books.
Sorry about that and thanks for the review, I'll edit my mission tomorrow.
I could have never anticipated such a grammatical disaster. I think I should stop translating my dialog-heavy mission into English and buy some grammar books.
Sorry about that and thanks for the review, I'll edit my mission tomorrow.
Glad I could help, and I really enjoyed the mission.
The Inner Darkness
ID: ST-HLP235DKL
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 31+
When a retired ambassador undergoes treatments for his rare, degenerative neurological condition in the Briar Patch, your presence is requested to provide a security detail against the combined threat of the Na'kuhl and the Ekosians. However, the greatest threat may prove to be within.
Caution: This mission may be on the long side and a touch controversial for reasons that may become apparent. No foul language or anything.
Summary: This is a great mission with several tough battles throughout. The story dialogue is very well written and detailed. I would highly recommend this mission to other players but not on Elite level.
It has been a while since I mentioned the use of "Continue" in a response button to dialogue. I am sure everyone understands the issue I have with it at this point. I will only mention it and suggest you find alternate responses for some of the "Continue" responses you used.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue as well as the follow on dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: New Ekos: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
U.S.S. Manheim: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I understand with the use of force fields that it may be difficult but you should consider adding at least one respawn point deeper in the map.
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
-The Ambassador Picard dialogue; consider changing "But before I compund the pomposity of my" to read "But before I compound the pomposity of my".
U.S.S. Manheim Deck 1: This is a good map design with very well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue on the NPC's to triggered dialogue that can go away when the player reaches their quarters.
U.S.S. Manheim Deck 2: This is a good albeit short map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding triggered optional dialogue and interactions with the crew scattered throughout the deck. This would make it a little more detailed and flesh out the story.
New Ekos: Final Assault: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
Ekosian Capital: This map design is okay but the enemies are all in one area and pretty tough. I had to respawn at least 8 times to kill them all. Consider spreading them out in the area a little more to give the player some chance of beating them with fewer respawns. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Ghosts of the Polmar Ree
Federation
Any Level
Starts at Deep Space K-7 in Eta Eridani
I hope you enjoy.
Federation Mission - Ghosts of the Polmar Ree
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HABHPTFCU
Report Start
Summary: This is an excellent non-combat oriented mission. The details in the story kept me interested throughout the entire mission. I found a total of four items to consider changing and none of them are show stoppers in anyway. The maps are good and the story is so well written that I would highly recommend this mission to other players.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. The follow on dialogue is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Sherman System Space Graveyard: This is a great map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some clues to the location. Perhaps some reach markers in the event the player goes off track a little. I was able to find the hidden base because of the map layout and proceeding in a logical search pattern That may not be the case with other players.
Secret Research Facility: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the repeated dialogue for the multiple questions. It felt odd the second and third time Tok said it was "Good to see you in person". Perhaps make an additional level that has all the questions in it with a simpler statement. You could use "Do you have any other questions [Rank]" or something along those lines.
-The wandering NPCs seemed a little over active. At one point when I passed by the dinning lounge they were walking over the tables and some were stuck in between tables. I looked odd.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue since the player will need to talk to them at some point anyway.
Other Space: This is a good map design with great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Secret Research Facility: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I liked the choices at the end of the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. As always I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Federation Mission - Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Considering that English is not your primary language. I'd say you did a very good job with your writing for this mission. You should consider adding in skip dialogue throughout the mission. This will help speed your mission completion up. Your map design is very well done and very detailed in many aspects. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story combined with good maps and tough but fun battles.
The use of hidden objects as triggers for optional dialogue allows the author to add more to the story without increasing the storyline. Once the player accesses that part of the story then the prompt goes away. With a standard NPC used as a contact the dialogue remains even after the player has accessed it. I would highly recommend this method of creating optional dialogue. There is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC along with s full set of tutorials on that site.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue with just enough detail to make the player want to "Accept" the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding additional buttons to the post "Grant Mission" dialogue. When the Admiral asks if the person knows of the attacks let them choose. If they say yea then you can use it as a "skip dialogue" so they can get right into the mission with a summary.
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Toron System: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
S.S. Ratosha Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Believe me, Rank, I didn?t want to destroy" to read "Believe me, [Rank], I didn't want to destroy".
-Consider changing the response button "You deserve a recommendation" to read "You deserve a commendation".
S.S. Ratosha Cargo Area: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Janara: About yourself" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Ververmind" to read ""Never mind"".
Toron System Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Celestial Temple: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Terok Nor Promenade: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "For all we know the Prophets have send us back here" to read "For all we know the Prophets have sent us back here".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue.
Terok Nor Docking Ring: This is an excellent and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue. From this point I will only note the map and will cover this in the summary.
Terok Nor Habitat Ring: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
[Bajoran Temple] This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks, evil, for your review!
I didn't have a chance to work on the Foundry a lot lately (sadly, the downtime back in July came at a time when I could have worked on the projects). I didn't even realize you alreay reviewed "Shadows of the Past".
Thanks for all the tips you gave! I already changed some of those things and will surely add some more tweaks in the following weeks.
Your input and feedback is much appreciated. So a big thank you from my part.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] "Sometimes you have to do things that you hate, so you can survive to fight another day."
I didn't have a chance to work on the Foundry a lot lately (sadly, the downtime back in July came at a time when I could have worked on the projects). I didn't even realize you alreay reviewed "Shadows of the Past".
Thanks for all the tips you gave! I already changed some of those things and will surely add some more tweaks in the following weeks.
Your input and feedback is much appreciated. So a big thank you from my part.
The Foundry downtime was a little annoying, but I think they learned a few lessons from previous season implementations. In the end it was for the best and probably saved a lot of people?s projects. In previous seasons I heard a lot of people had lost projects during the load. For me it gave me time to start a new character in the game.
As always, I am happy to help. It is a good mission and a lot of fun and I would recommend it to other players.
Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.
Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.
Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.
Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post
Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry .
Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.
Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map designs, tough battles, and really good story dialogue. The mission is a lot of fun and I would highly recommend it to all players who like a good combination of good stories and map design with tough but fun battles. You will enjoy this mission.
The use of maps as a story transfer point with minimal dialogue or story points. This is becoming another pet peeve of mine mainly because of the map transfer time and little story value added. I mentioned it in my Evil70th's Best Practices entry earlier in this posting. Some of the key elements; is the map necessary to tell the story? Do the elements of this map support the story? Can maps be combined and still tell the story? That last element is a key ingredient to getting around some of the other short comings all authors know of in the Foundry. For example, the "Sherman System Redux" map could be combined with the "Azure Nebula" map by using a regular space map. You could then add all the elements of the "Azure Nebula" and have them invisible. You would then have the player materialize on the map in warp space. The dialogue could be added from a BOFF reporting you are approaching the nebula. When the player triggers the "Drop from warp" the warp streaks disappear and the Azure Nebula elements appear. The effect for the interaction would be "Coming from warp". Yes this adds a little more work for the author because they have to build the Azure Nebula map but it expands the story and your control over it.
This is not just your mission, so please do not take it that way. The use of puzzles in missions can be fun or annoying depending on the puzzle or the player. Some puzzles are fun and require attention to detail to solve. Others require the player to have knowledge of certain elements or access to resources that will help them solve the puzzle. The attention to detail puzzles are fun but not for all players. In those circumstances I recommend the use of a "By pass puzzle" button. The ones that require certain knowledge or access to resources can also be fun but not to all players. Some players do not like having to do math when trying to play a game. This is another instance where the "By pass puzzle" option would be nice to have. In your case your puzzles did not completely reset to the beginning if you got some of the answer correct and missed one element. That was a nice touch and I liked that. I imagine the tree you used was not a simple one to get that to work right. However you did it I felt it was nicely done.
I noted "Optional Dialogue" used on a couple of the maps. Consider using triggered dialogue instead. This would allow the player to interact with NPCs on that map and once they do so the dialogue option disappears. You can also set it up so if certain story elements are completed then the optional dialogue would disappear as well.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue, but I recommend the initial part of the dialogue be in regular text and keep the "Mission start" information in [MissionInfo] format. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Sherman System: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider removing this map and taking the player directly to the "Station Operations" map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue
Station Operations: This is a really good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The fractal code was interesting but if you selected the wrong number nothing happened. It only registered a change when you selected the correct answer. Was this intentional? I'll cover a little more detail on this puzzle and puzzles in general in the summary.
-The turbolift interaction. Consider changing the "Accessing Wall Console" animation to something else or removing the interaction all together. It looks odd.
Deck C Holding Bays: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. Some of my BOFFs materialized behind the turbo lift. They were able to get unstuck but it can be annoying to have your BOFFs stuck in a map.
-The same issue as the previous map transfer interaction with the turbolift.
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
Station Ops: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. All my BOFFs materialized inside the turbo lift, but appeared to get stuck inside the turbolift, and could not follow me.
Sherman System Redux: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue the player has to move to a point and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider adding more to this map or removing the map and taking the player directly to the "Azure Nebula" map. I understand the desire to have the ship warp into the nebula on the next map but there needs to be more to the story. I will address this in my summary in more detail. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue
Azure Nebula: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We may be able to destroy the station be planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor" to read "We may be able to destroy the station by planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor"
Ta'vot Station: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue and interactive mission points were very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Azure Nebula Redux: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. Consider changing the effect that follows the station explosion. The heat wave effect does not really add to the story and limits the player's view of the station destruction. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Sherman System Brief: This is a good map design with nice wrap up dialogue for the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue at the end of the mission that asks for dilithium tips and blames the bugs on Cryptic and the Foundry. It only detracts from your story and adds nothing to the story. If players like your work they will rate you and tip appropriately.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.
Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post
Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry .
Hi k668,
You are next up in the queue. I will review your mission here shortly.
Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.
Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post
Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry .
Summary: This is a good mission with some nice map designs and challenging but fun battles. The chance to fly around in smaller craft to play a mission is a good hook to help your mission become a daily. Your only drawback to this mission becoming a daily is the location of the custom map entry. Consider moving it closer to a location other players hang out, i.e. ESD, K7 or DS9. It took 10 minutes to get to the location of the custom map. With that said, I would recommend this mission to any player who likes a good challenge and a chance to fly around in smaller craft.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description with clear point about the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue and the follow on dialogue is also well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Despite the fact that you indicated the start location for the first custom map in the description and grant dialogue you should also include it in the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Abandoned Mining Site near Seedea: This is a great map design with some fun and challenging battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The battles are a challenge but the initial one with no support is very tough. Consider either adding in the reinforcements from the start or cutting back the strength of the enemy.
-I did not use it but I also did not notice any indication of a respawn point. If you do not have one further into the map I suggest you add it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks for the review! It occured to be me that the first battle might also end up a lot less difficult if I just move the hostile spawn point further away, making it easier to lure the interceptors away from the corvette. Might need some trial & error though.
I'll also give a respawn point further consideration. Moving the initial spawn point closer to the battlesite might also be worth a try, but I'll see.
Well, it seems my second mission is going to be delayed quite a bit, assuming Cryptic doesn't significantly improve the speed in which they can fix Foundry bugs... I'm being trapped by the lack of multiple dialogue options to spawn objects through.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Greetings again old friend! I've got another mission for you to review when you get a chance. I'd appreciate any suggestions you may have to improve the dialog.
Mission Title: Terrors of the Past
Your @Handle: kahn
Faction: KDF
Level Requirement: 41+
Mission Summary: The spoils of war are sometimes not as glorious as the Empire would lead you to believe. Delve deep into the mystery of a 1000 year old vessel drifting along near the KDF front with the Federation and learn the true meaning of Terror!
This mission was submitted as part of the Foundry Challenge #4. I appreciate any feedback you have with the mission! Good luck to all my fellow Foundry authors who submitted missions for the challenge.
Thanks for the review! It occured to be me that the first battle might also end up a lot less difficult if I just move the hostile spawn point further away, making it easier to lure the interceptors away from the corvette. Might need some trial & error though.
I'll also give a respawn point further consideration. Moving the initial spawn point closer to the battlesite might also be worth a try, but I'll see.
Well, it seems my second mission is going to be delayed quite a bit, assuming Cryptic doesn't significantly improve the speed in which they can fix Foundry bugs... I'm being trapped by the lack of multiple dialogue options to spawn objects through.
Keep working on it. I am sure eventually you will be able to tell your story the way you want.
Greetings again old friend! I've got another mission for you to review when you get a chance. I'd appreciate any suggestions you may have to improve the dialog.
Mission Title: Terrors of the Past
Your @Handle: kahn
Faction: KDF
Level Requirement: 41+
Mission Summary: The spoils of war are sometimes not as glorious as the Empire would lead you to believe. Delve deep into the mystery of a 1000 year old vessel drifting along near the KDF front with the Federation and learn the true meaning of Terror!
This mission was submitted as part of the Foundry Challenge #4. I appreciate any feedback you have with the mission! Good luck to all my fellow Foundry authors who submitted missions for the challenge.
He kahn,
Thanks for the review request. You are next up in the queue. I hope to get to your review tomorrow night.
Keep working on it. I am sure eventually you will be able to tell your story the way you want.
Brian
Hardly. I don't exactly have the time or willpower to use the only possible workaround, which means I have to rely on Cryptic's QA. I wonder what are they up to, it's been weeks.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Hardly. I don't exactly have the time or willpower to use the only possible workaround, which means I have to rely on Cryptic's QA. I wonder what are they up to, it's been weeks.
Well it is up to how you want to handle the down time. I can only make suggestions. You have to decide what you want to do. Good luck.
Greetings again old friend! I've got another mission for you to review when you get a chance. I'd appreciate any suggestions you may have to improve the dialog.
Mission Title: Terrors of the Past
Your @Handle: kahn
Faction: KDF
Level Requirement: 41+
Mission Summary: The spoils of war are sometimes not as glorious as the Empire would lead you to believe. Delve deep into the mystery of a 1000 year old vessel drifting along near the KDF front with the Federation and learn the true meaning of Terror!
This mission was submitted as part of the Foundry Challenge #4. I appreciate any feedback you have with the mission! Good luck to all my fellow Foundry authors who submitted missions for the challenge.
Klingon Mission - Terrors of the Past
Author: kahn
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HJJZQQPOI
Report Start
Summary: Without knowing what the particulars of the challenge this mission was created for I would have to say it is an excellent mission. The map designs are good, the battles glorious, and the story dialogue is great. I would highly recommend this mission to other players who love the combination of good maps, glorious battles and a great story.
Below are a couple of items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is okay as you provide the system where the first custom map starts but consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS: Alhena III: This is a good map design with glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Derelect Vessel: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Derelect Vessel" to read "Derelict Vessel".
Unknown System: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I'm sorry [Rank], but i've got to go take care of this" to read "I'm sorry [Rank], but I've got to go take care of this".
Cargo Bay: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Not good [Rank] If my calculations are correct we have a 20% chance of taking the device back for further study" to read "Not good [Rank]. If my calculations are correct we have a 20% chance of taking the device back for further study".
-Consider changing the response button "It's not much, but lets try it" to read "It's not much, but let's try it".
Alhena III (2409): This is a good map design with some tough but glorious battles and well written dialogue. This map is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Lets destroy these Federation Targ for invading our space, the old fashion way" to read "Let's destroy these Federation Targ for invading our space, the old fashion way".
-Consider adding a respawn point closer to the battle.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thank you again Evil70th! I really appreciate you taking the time to review the mission and offer your valuable feedback. Always nice to have a second set of eyes on the dialog.
Thank you again Evil70th! I really appreciate you taking the time to review the mission and offer your valuable feedback. Always nice to have a second set of eyes on the dialog.
Thanks again!
As always, I am glad I could help. It is a great mission and I had a lot of fun playing it.
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part III ("Chasing Ghosts") - Remaster
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLAJXIZUN
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Post to this forum thread
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part III ("Chasing Ghosts") - Remaster
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLAJXIZUN
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Post to this forum thread
Hey NCC,
Welcome back to the queue. Thanks for the review request, you are next up and I will try to get to your mission this evening, or tomorrow at the latest.
Comments
I actually tested a number of different trigger methods. I also went back and reviewed the tutorials available on Starbase UGC. There are a number of options to use for optional dialogue. It just takes practice.
Federation Mission - The Twilight of the gods
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HBJEDBKTN
Report Start
Summary: Despite starting off a little slow the mission quickly picks up and the player finds themselves battling a Romulan conspiracy that could change the balance of power across the entire quadrant. It is a roller coaster ride of a mission, and is actually longer than 45 minutes. Despite having several spelling and grammatical errors the story is really good. Once the issues I have identified below are fixed this mission will be great. Even in its current state it is very enjoyable with in depth investigations, intriguing dialogue, and challenging combat that all combine to make a very playable mission. I would highly recommend this mission to players who like a roller coaster ride of a mission and well written story.
Just a couple of things I noted and wanted to call out. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. I am a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "Here comes Captain Picard". The other item was your use of "Tal'Shiar". According to the wiki site and STO information it should be "Tal Shiar". Other than that I really enjoyed the mission.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is a little confusing. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], the long range sensors of Vulcan orbital station are reporting an unknown activity in the Pico system" to read "[Rank], long range communications aboard the Vulcan orbital station have received a distress signal from Admiral Selok's shuttle in the Pico system".
-Consider changing "Unfortunately, the radiations emitted by the planet prevent us from getting more precise information" to read "The radiation in that sector is preventing us from getting an exact location on the Admiral's shuttle, but it is in the vicinity of Pico VI".
-Consider deleting the entire dialogue from "I suggest" through "The peace is at stake". Replace it with "Starfleet Command has ordered us into the system to find the Admiral. He is the only one who has been able to bring the Klingons to the negotiation table. This may be our last chance for peace."
Mission Task: Despite the fact you included the start location for the first custom map in the Grant Dialogue you should include it in the initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The radiations wouldn't kill you immediately, but it would be an unnecessary risk" to read "The radiation is not at high enough levels to kill you, but it does pose an unnecessary risk".
MAPS:
Pico VI Crash site: This is a good map design with nice battles. The dialogue is good but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "a complete and rigorous investigation" to read "a complete and rigorous survey".
-Consider removing the space between "[OOC]You:[/OOC] and "[OOC]We'll see that later[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Check the nearest supposed crash site[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Check the nearest debris field[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "Nothing we sould worry about, eh" to read "Nothing we should worry about, eh".
-Consider changing "We should try to see if they are in stable enough health condition to be beamed up" to read "We should see if they are able to be beamed up".
Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Talk to lieutenant Gtyia[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Talk to Lieutenant Gtyia[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "We feared that the radiations could prevent you from locating us" to read "We feared that the high levels of radiation would prevent you from locating us".
-Consider changing "[OOC]What's your status lieutenant[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]What's your status Lieutenant[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "It's just a matter of time, though, if we do nothing about it" to read "It's just a matter of time, we need to get off the planet's surface".
-Consider changing "The radiations are affecting me too" to read "The high radiation levels are affecting me too".
-Consider removing "but I'll be fine".
-Consider changing "The Admiral has been wounded by wild animals, not by radiations, although they are heavily affecting both of us" to read "The Admiral?s injuries were caused by wild animals, not radiation, but the high levels of radiation are starting to take a toll on both of us".
-Consider changing "He got wounded this way" to read "That is when he was attacked and injured".
-Consider changing "Sir, the strengh of the radiations has increased since we beamed down" to read "Sir, radiation levels have increased since we beamed down".
-Consider changing "There is some interference going on right now, and it will make any transport attemp highly risky" to read "The interference from the increased radiation levels makes transport risky".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm sending this right now" to read "[Rank], I'm sending the equipment to your location now".
-Consider changing "This radiation storm may stop anytime, anyway" to read "With luck this radiation storm will subside soon".
-Consider changing "Once it will be activated, it wouldn't be safe to lower it" to read "Once activated it wouldn't be safe to lower it".
-Consider changing the "Raise the force field" interact object from the desktop console to a regular small console.
-Consider changing "The admiral should be safe until we can go back to the ship" to read "The Admiral should be safe until we can return to the ship".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Now we have some time to investigate these derelicts everyone considers fascinating[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]We should examine the ruins that the Admiral found so fascinating[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]The Vulcans don't put their lives at risk without logical reasons[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]A Vulcan would not risk their life without a logical reason[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]I think the interest he has into this deserves some attention[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I think this deserves some investigation[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Anyway, we're stuck here for some time[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Besides, we're probably going to be stuck here for awhile[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]So, what do we know about these debris" to read "So, what do we know about these ruins".
-Consider changing "The first data we have are somewhat confusing but are definitely interesting, [Rank]" to read "The initial readings we took from the wreckage when we first arrived are very interesting, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "It looks like they come from a spaceship; the ionized particle traces we can pick up on this metal leave no doubt about this". to read "The ionized particle traces we found on the hull leave no doubt the wreckage came from a spaceship".
-Consider removing "The second fact is a lot more intriguing".
-Consider changing "This derelict is roughly ten centuries old" to read "Even more intriguing is the fact that quantum dating indicates the wreckage is at least ten centuries old".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Only a handful of species had the knowledge to build that[/OOC]" to read "Only a handful of species have space travel dating back that far".
-Consider changing "This alloy you can see on my tricorder recordings is definitely Romulan" to read "As you see from the tricorder readout the allow is definitely Romulan in origin".
-Consider changing "This may explain the weird behaviour of Admiral Selok" to read "This may explain the Admiral's fascination with the ruins".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Well, this derelict is yours, commander[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Well these ruins are yours to explore[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "Thank you sir, I'm looking forward to investigate this" to read "Thank you sir, I'm looking forward to investigating this".
-Consider adding dialogue after each scanned object that talks about what was found in each scan.
-Consider changing the task "Gather data about the derelict" to read "Gather data about the ruins".
-Consider changing "One of the derelict we scanned appears to be the main part of the ship" to read "One of the ruin pieces we scanned appears to be what remains of the main part of the ship".
-Consider changing "Some creatures are living there, but we should definitely inspect the remains of this ship" to read "I am detecting wild creatures inside what remains of the ship, but we should investigate the interior".
-The Map Transfer dialogue; consider changing "Are you ready to enter the derelict, [Rank]" to read "Are you ready to enter the airlock, [Rank]".
Inside the derelict: This is a good map design with a few nice battles. The dialogue is good but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The ground must contain very corrosive elements to attack the alloys so heavily in 10 centuries only" to read "The ground must contain very corrosive elements to degrade the alloys in only 10 centuries".
-Consider changing "Our geologists would be very happy here" to read "Our geologists would love this place".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm picking up several non corroded crystalline structures signals" to read "[Rank], I'm detecting several objects that do not appear to be corroded".
-Consider changing "May we go" to read "We should check them out".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Escort your chief engineer to the crystalline modules and gater data about them[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Gather data about the crystalline objects[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "The bad one is that can't say so about the data themselves" to read "The bad news is we can't tell if the data is intact".
Pico VI orbit#2: This is a good map design with tough battles. The dialogue is good but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Based on the map name I am guessing you had the first custom map was "Pico VI orbit".
-Consider changing "The data we found are of high interest" to read "The data we have been able to recover so far is very interesting".
-Consider changing "The preliminary work we made on them revelad that this ship was conducting a scientific mission" to read "Our preliminary findings indicate that this ship was conducting a scientific survey".
-Consider changing "The amount and the quality of data are impressing, even if there isn?t much left of it" to read "Despite the apparent loss of data what remains is impressive".
-Consider changing "Memory alpha should be able to help us in our task" to read "The researchers at Memory Alpha should be able to help us recover more of the data".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm setator Brelak" to read "[Rank], I'm Senator Brelak".
-Consider changing "I command you to hand it over immediately" to read "I demand you hand it over immediately".
-Consider changing "If you don?t, I am entitled to get it back by any mean" to read "If you refuse, I am authorized to use force".
-Consider changing "[OOC]You must have been mistaken, the data modules we took on Pico VI are obviously Vulcan, according to our chief archeologist" to read "There has obviously been a mistake. According to our archeological team, the data modules we retrieved from Pico VI are Vulcan in origin".
-Consider changing "Anyway, we are entitled to take them, according to the interstellar agreements" to read "According to interstellar law, we are entitled to salvage rights as the discoverer of the wreckage".
-If you take the above recommendation consider removing "Any derelict ship belongs to its discoverer".
-Consider removing "It would be difficult to be more explicit".
-Consider changing "Consequently, you are invited to send an official protest to our diplomatic services on Rator III, if you don?t agree" to read "Of course if you disagree with my interpretation of interstellar law you are free to submit a protest through diplomatic channels".
-Consider changing "Now, please move on" to read "Is there anything else I can help you with?".
-Consider changing "I cannot accept this answer, [LastName]" to read "This is unacceptable, [LastName]".
-Consider changing "You will give me these data" to read "You will hand over the data modules".
-Consider changing the response button "This is a Starfleet vessel, not a freighter you can loot whenever you want" to read "This is a Starfleet vessel, not some freighter you can board at will".
-The post "Break the Romulan blockade" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Officer, I need answers and I need them now[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Tactical, I need answers and I need them now[/OOC]".
-Consider removing the [OOC] from "Yes, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "He's Vulcan, but please welcome him well on your board" to read "He's Vulcan, and may be able to help, so please welcome him onboard".
-Consider changing "You will need someone to give you some intelligence about the Romulans" to read "You will need someone who can provide you with some intelligence about the Romulans".
-Consider removing "I have a name for you, but you won't like this".
-Consider changing "She was infiltrating the Tal'shiar but got cought recently, and now she's being held in a highly secured facility" to read "We had an operative who has been working to infiltrate the Tal Shiar for a number of years now, but got caught, and is now being held in a high security facility.
-Consider changing "I am pleased to see that your insight into people is still working pretty well" to read "I am please that your powers of observation have not diminished with time".
-Consider changing the response button "Very well. Can we leave now" to read "Very well. We will get underway now".
-Consider changing the response button "Do I look like an orion pirate" to read "Do I look like and Orion pirate".
-If you use the correction to the response button then consider removing "Be my guest ! ". If not then remove the space between "guest" and "!" in the dialogue.
-Consider changing the response button "Tanks, Admiral" to read "Thank you, Admiral".
Orbiting the Romulan labor camp B451: This is a good map design with tough battles that are not easy to avoid. The dialogue is well wirtten. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The labor camp is at the other side of this asteroid field" to read "The labor camp is on the other side of this asteroid field".
-Consider centering the battle ship directly over the station at a high enough altitude if the player goes in directly underneath the station they can avoid combat.
Romulan labor camp B451: This is a good map design with tough battles, and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I'm Ready to beam you up with the team and our agent, [Rank]" to read "I'm ready to beam you up with the team and our agent, [Rank]".
Conference room: This is a good map design with detailed story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Agent T'Kol, you have been infiltrating the Tal'Shiar until recently, with some success" to read "Agent T'Kol, you have been infiltrating the Tal Shiar until recently, with some success".
-From this point I will only note the map which has dialogue that uses "Tal'Shiar" vice "Tal Shiar".
-There is a "[OOC]" dialogue that you did not put a "You:" in as in previous dialogue.
-Consider changing "They found a lot of archives there, and these archives mentioned a joint Vulcan and Romulan scientific expedition aiming at corroborationg the preliminary work of a Vulcan scientists named Saalok" to read "They found a several entries that referred to a joint Vulcan and Romulan scientific expedition aimed at corroborating the preliminary work of a Vulcan scientists named Saalok".
-Consider changing "Anyway, the Romulans think it's not the case, and that's what matter" to read "Anyway, the Romulans think the report is true and that is what matters".
-Consider changing "Since then they are determined to recover the knowledge this crew discovered" to read "Since then the Romulans have been determined to recover this knowledge at any price".
-Consider changing "[OOC] I'm not hear to hear childish tales[/OOC]" to read "[OOC] I'm not here to hear childish tales[/OOC]".
-Consider removing "I'm going to be straight with you here".
-Consider changing "The Kern, Seedea, Danteri, Xaratine, and Veyga, are under enemy fire and their defenses are on the verge of collapsing" to read "The Kern, Seedea, Danteri, Xaratine, and Veyga systems are under attack and the defenses are on the verge of collapsing".
Gateway: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written and this is a great wrap up to the mission. I really liked the ending. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "At least" to read "At last".
-Consider changing "Our expedition is completely successfull" to read "Our mission is a complete success".
-Consider changing "Our Empire will raise and rule again, subcommander" to read "Our Empire shall rise and rule again, sub commander".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and with a little polish it will be a great mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 09/11/2012 on forum posting for: The Twilight of the gods.
Sorry about that and thanks for the review, I'll edit my mission tomorrow.
God, lvl 60 CW. 17k.
Glad I could help, and I really enjoyed the mission.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
My character Tsin'xing
I've just released my latest mission.
Ghosts of the Polmar Ree
Federation
Any Level
Starts at Deep Space K-7 in Eta Eridani
I hope you enjoy.
Federation Mission - The Inner Darkness
Author: stoleviathan99
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLP92SDKL
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with several tough battles throughout. The story dialogue is very well written and detailed. I would highly recommend this mission to other players but not on Elite level.
It has been a while since I mentioned the use of "Continue" in a response button to dialogue. I am sure everyone understands the issue I have with it at this point. I will only mention it and suggest you find alternate responses for some of the "Continue" responses you used.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue as well as the follow on dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
New Ekos: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
U.S.S. Manheim: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I understand with the use of force fields that it may be difficult but you should consider adding at least one respawn point deeper in the map.
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
-The Ambassador Picard dialogue; consider changing "But before I compund the pomposity of my" to read "But before I compound the pomposity of my".
U.S.S. Manheim Deck 1: This is a good map design with very well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue on the NPC's to triggered dialogue that can go away when the player reaches their quarters.
U.S.S. Manheim Deck 2: This is a good albeit short map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding triggered optional dialogue and interactions with the crew scattered throughout the deck. This would make it a little more detailed and flesh out the story.
New Ekos: Final Assault: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" seemed overly used in dialogue responses.
Ekosian Capital: This map design is okay but the enemies are all in one area and pretty tough. I had to respawn at least 8 times to kill them all. Consider spreading them out in the area a little more to give the player some chance of beating them with fewer respawns. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 09/12/2012 on forum posting for: "The Inner Darkness" - A sure to be controversial NEW mission by Leviathan99
Hey Bazag,
Welcome back to the queue. I should be able to get to your mission tomorrow evening or Friday morning at the latest.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Ghosts of the Polmar Ree
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HABHPTFCU
Report Start
Summary: This is an excellent non-combat oriented mission. The details in the story kept me interested throughout the entire mission. I found a total of four items to consider changing and none of them are show stoppers in anyway. The maps are good and the story is so well written that I would highly recommend this mission to other players.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. The follow on dialogue is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Sherman System Space Graveyard: This is a great map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some clues to the location. Perhaps some reach markers in the event the player goes off track a little. I was able to find the hidden base because of the map layout and proceeding in a logical search pattern That may not be the case with other players.
Secret Research Facility: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the repeated dialogue for the multiple questions. It felt odd the second and third time Tok said it was "Good to see you in person". Perhaps make an additional level that has all the questions in it with a simpler statement. You could use "Do you have any other questions [Rank]" or something along those lines.
-The wandering NPCs seemed a little over active. At one point when I passed by the dinning lounge they were walking over the tables and some were stuck in between tables. I looked odd.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue since the player will need to talk to them at some point anyway.
Other Space: This is a good map design with great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Secret Research Facility: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I liked the choices at the end of the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. As always I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 09/13/2012 on forum posting for: The Updated Consolidate List of Bazag Missions.
Thanks, evil, for your review!
I didn't have a chance to work on the Foundry a lot lately (sadly, the downtime back in July came at a time when I could have worked on the projects). I didn't even realize you alreay reviewed "Shadows of the Past".
Thanks for all the tips you gave! I already changed some of those things and will surely add some more tweaks in the following weeks.
Your input and feedback is much appreciated. So a big thank you from my part.
"Sometimes you have to do things that you hate, so you can survive to fight another day."
The Foundry downtime was a little annoying, but I think they learned a few lessons from previous season implementations. In the end it was for the best and probably saved a lot of people?s projects. In previous seasons I heard a lot of people had lost projects during the load. For me it gave me time to start a new character in the game.
As always, I am happy to help. It is a good mission and a lot of fun and I would recommend it to other players.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.
Contains: Mystery & Intrigue/Space Combat/Ground Combat/Puzzles/Single-Player
Mission Start: Deep Space K7 (Eta Eridani Sector)
Hi Captain,
Thanks for the review request. I will get into your mission first thing in the morning.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.
Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post
Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry
Federation Mission - Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map designs, tough battles, and really good story dialogue. The mission is a lot of fun and I would highly recommend it to all players who like a good combination of good stories and map design with tough but fun battles. You will enjoy this mission.
The use of maps as a story transfer point with minimal dialogue or story points. This is becoming another pet peeve of mine mainly because of the map transfer time and little story value added. I mentioned it in my Evil70th's Best Practices entry earlier in this posting. Some of the key elements; is the map necessary to tell the story? Do the elements of this map support the story? Can maps be combined and still tell the story? That last element is a key ingredient to getting around some of the other short comings all authors know of in the Foundry. For example, the "Sherman System Redux" map could be combined with the "Azure Nebula" map by using a regular space map. You could then add all the elements of the "Azure Nebula" and have them invisible. You would then have the player materialize on the map in warp space. The dialogue could be added from a BOFF reporting you are approaching the nebula. When the player triggers the "Drop from warp" the warp streaks disappear and the Azure Nebula elements appear. The effect for the interaction would be "Coming from warp". Yes this adds a little more work for the author because they have to build the Azure Nebula map but it expands the story and your control over it.
This is not just your mission, so please do not take it that way. The use of puzzles in missions can be fun or annoying depending on the puzzle or the player. Some puzzles are fun and require attention to detail to solve. Others require the player to have knowledge of certain elements or access to resources that will help them solve the puzzle. The attention to detail puzzles are fun but not for all players. In those circumstances I recommend the use of a "By pass puzzle" button. The ones that require certain knowledge or access to resources can also be fun but not to all players. Some players do not like having to do math when trying to play a game.
I noted "Optional Dialogue" used on a couple of the maps. Consider using triggered dialogue instead. This would allow the player to interact with NPCs on that map and once they do so the dialogue option disappears. You can also set it up so if certain story elements are completed then the optional dialogue would disappear as well.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue, but I recommend the initial part of the dialogue be in regular text and keep the "Mission start" information in [MissionInfo] format. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Sherman System: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider removing this map and taking the player directly to the "Station Operations" map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue
Station Operations: This is a really good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The fractal code was interesting but if you selected the wrong number nothing happened. It only registered a change when you selected the correct answer. Was this intentional? I'll cover a little more detail on this puzzle and puzzles in general in the summary.
-The turbolift interaction. Consider changing the "Accessing Wall Console" animation to something else or removing the interaction all together. It looks odd.
Deck C Holding Bays: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. Some of my BOFFs materialized behind the turbo lift. They were able to get unstuck but it can be annoying to have your BOFFs stuck in a map.
-The same issue as the previous map transfer interaction with the turbolift.
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
Station Ops: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. All my BOFFs materialized inside the turbo lift, but appeared to get stuck inside the turbolift, and could not follow me.
Sherman System Redux: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue the player has to move to a point and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider adding more to this map or removing the map and taking the player directly to the "Azure Nebula" map. I understand the desire to have the ship warp into the nebula on the next map but there needs to be more to the story. I will address this in my summary in more detail. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue
Azure Nebula: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We may be able to destroy the station be planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor" to read "We may be able to destroy the station by planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor"
Ta'vot Station: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue and interactive mission points were very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Azure Nebula Redux: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. Consider changing the effect that follows the station explosion. The heat wave effect does not really add to the story and limits the player's view of the station destruction. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Sherman System Brief: This is a good map design with nice wrap up dialogue for the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue at the end of the mission that asks for dilithium tips and blames the bugs on Cryptic and the Foundry. It only detracts from your story and adds nothing to the story. If players like your work they will rate you and tip appropriately.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 09/15/2012 on forum posting for: Star Trek: Odyssey - "War Plans"
Hi k668,
You are next up in the queue. I will review your mission here shortly.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with some nice map designs and challenging but fun battles. The chance to fly around in smaller craft to play a mission is a good hook to help your mission become a daily. Your only drawback to this mission becoming a daily is the location of the custom map entry. Consider moving it closer to a location other players hang out, i.e. ESD, K7 or DS9. It took 10 minutes to get to the location of the custom map.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description with clear point about the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue and the follow on dialogue is also well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Despite the fact that you indicated the start location for the first custom map in the description and grant dialogue you should also include it in the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Abandoned Mining Site near Seedea: This is a great map design with some fun and challenging battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The battles are a challenge but the initial one with no support is very tough. Consider either adding in the reinforcements from the start or cutting back the strength of the enemy.
-I did not use it but I also did not notice any indication of a respawn point. If you do not have one further into the map I suggest you add it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 09/15/2012 on forum posting for: "Shuttle Ace" - something to do for all you small craft pilots
Thanks for the review! It occured to be me that the first battle might also end up a lot less difficult if I just move the hostile spawn point further away, making it easier to lure the interceptors away from the corvette. Might need some trial & error though.
I'll also give a respawn point further consideration. Moving the initial spawn point closer to the battlesite might also be worth a try, but I'll see.
Thanks again, and have fun with your reviews!
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Mission Title: Terrors of the Past
Your @Handle: kahn
Faction: KDF
Level Requirement: 41+
Mission Summary: The spoils of war are sometimes not as glorious as the Empire would lead you to believe. Delve deep into the mystery of a 1000 year old vessel drifting along near the KDF front with the Federation and learn the true meaning of Terror!
This mission was submitted as part of the Foundry Challenge #4. I appreciate any feedback you have with the mission! Good luck to all my fellow Foundry authors who submitted missions for the challenge.
Glad I could help.
Brian
Keep working on it. I am sure eventually you will be able to tell your story the way you want.
Brian
He kahn,
Thanks for the review request. You are next up in the queue. I hope to get to your review tomorrow night.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hardly. I don't exactly have the time or willpower to use the only possible workaround, which means I have to rely on Cryptic's QA. I wonder what are they up to, it's been weeks.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Well it is up to how you want to handle the down time. I can only make suggestions. You have to decide what you want to do. Good luck.
Brian
Klingon Mission - Terrors of the Past
Author: kahn
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HJJZQQPOI
Report Start
Summary: Without knowing what the particulars of the challenge this mission was created for I would have to say it is an excellent mission. The map designs are good, the battles glorious, and the story dialogue is great. I would highly recommend this mission to other players who love the combination of good maps, glorious battles and a great story.
Below are a couple of items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is okay as you provide the system where the first custom map starts but consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS:
Alhena III: This is a good map design with glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Derelect Vessel: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Derelect Vessel" to read "Derelict Vessel".
Unknown System: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I'm sorry [Rank], but i've got to go take care of this" to read "I'm sorry [Rank], but I've got to go take care of this".
Cargo Bay: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Not good [Rank] If my calculations are correct we have a 20% chance of taking the device back for further study" to read "Not good [Rank]. If my calculations are correct we have a 20% chance of taking the device back for further study".
-Consider changing the response button "It's not much, but lets try it" to read "It's not much, but let's try it".
Alhena III (2409): This is a good map design with some tough but glorious battles and well written dialogue. This map is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Lets destroy these Federation Targ for invading our space, the old fashion way" to read "Let's destroy these Federation Targ for invading our space, the old fashion way".
-Consider adding a respawn point closer to the battle.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 09/17/2012 on forum posting for: Terrors of the Past - KDF 41+
Thanks again!
As always, I am glad I could help. It is a great mission and I had a lot of fun playing it.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLAJXIZUN
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Post to this forum thread
My Foundry missions | My STO Wiki page | My Twitter home page
Hey NCC,
Welcome back to the queue.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian