Just finished another mission, so I'd like to re-apply to get "Day of Doom Part 1" reviewed. Level 46+, Starfleet, ST-HKCT3JOWH.
I 3 starred you. Wasn't a bad story. Some minor spelling issues. Here are the nitpicks:
Day of Doom Part I / 3 stars
Mission granting text: First word, second sentence is misspelled. "Under the radar"
must surely have been replaced by newer technobabble?
The destination isn't listed in the mission tracker. Not good.
BO popup after cloaking the gate: Captain is misspelled.
I'd recommend either making the smaller base a bit more noticable or putting a beacon by it. Even looking at the map and seeing where to go, it was still kind of difficult to see/find.
BO popup after beaming onto the station: that and opened are misspelled.
Console action is labeled as "Activate". That seems a little too much like the default UGC label. Maybe "Use console" or "Activate Console" would be better?
Sci BO popup after I start using the console is my ship based sci, not my away team sci? Also, Plasma doesn't need to be capitalized.
Sci BO popup using console in engineering area: "That should stop remoe their hold..." eh?
Wardell: there instead of these. Devices doesn't need a big D.
Section 31 is supposed to be a secret organization. I must have counted at least 40 section 31 operatives in the station. Don't think it would stay a secret organizaion if it had that many people in it. I would maybe have Wardell explain that they are Starfleet commandos (? I don't know, something) that he tricked into helping him. Thats how section 31 would work - like with Bashir. Section 31 may be only three or four guys and they trick people or blackmail them into helping. It isn't a mission breaker or anything - just thought it was odd that Section 31 would have an army of guys.
Might want to design some space combat into the mission. Using my Defiant retro with cloak I didn't have to do any space combat at all. Some players will feel ripped if there isn't any space combat whatsoever.
Oh, and using the Azura interior for the base might not be such a good idea right now. Everyone is replaying that mission at the moment so some will probably feel like its overused and that you should have picked a different base map.
Spelling Errors: Thank you, I will fix those.
Army of Section 31: You're right, there should be some justification. I will think of something.
Lack of Space Combat: Thre is one battle part, although it is short. You CAN pick a fight with the patrolling ships if you want to have space combat, although I don't reccomend going after the Planet Killers (They're re-skinned Undine Battleships, EEK!)
Sci Ship BO: It was supposed to be your engineer ship BO. But I see what you are saying.
Azura Interior: It had to be something small, andsince it's the "old" Azura, people shouldn't mind.
Thanks for the review. Did you like the story itself? There are some loose ends, but they will be tied up in the next mission
Spelling Errors: Thank you, I will fix those.
Army of Section 31: You're right, there should be some justification. I will think of something.
Lack of Space Combat: Thre is one battle part, although it is short. You CAN pick a fight with the patrolling ships if you want to have space combat, although I don't reccomend going after the Planet Killers (They're re-skinned Undine Battleships, EEK!)
Sci Ship BO: It was supposed to be your engineer ship BO. But I see what you are saying.
Azura Interior: It had to be something small, andsince it's the "old" Azura, people shouldn't mind.
Thanks for the review. Did you like the story itself? There are some loose ends, but they will be tied up in the next mission
Yeah, the story was good. I liked seeing all of those planet killers, too.
Perhaps Six to go if you would review Part one of my new Series:
Spawn of Medusa
Play time: Approx. 1 Hour
All levels (Lt1 & up)
*Decent Ground Combat
*Decent Space Combat
*Dialogue Heavy Storyline
*Fairly easy Trek Trivia Puzzles for new players
*Heavy Objects/Device Interactions
Thanks.
Congrats...a 4 star effort.
Some minor spelling issues. Good story. Lots of detail and thought went into it. The object interactions were getting a bit tiresome (especially the ones where you interact with the same thing 2 or 3 times to move it out of the way) but it was a good use of the tools. The ground map and the caverns were excellent.
Here are the nitpicks:
Spawn of Medusa / 4 stars
Mission granting text: Short. Fine. Destination in the tracker. Hate that it is out in Pi Canis but ok.
Admiral popup: in the outer edge or on the outer edge? I'm not sure why, but on sounds better to me than in. Later, Admiral says "She only spoke of an new..." a new I think. An before words that start with a vowel or sometimes H (like "an oven", or "he is an historian")
Encoded data is clever, but tiresome. I don't remember those details and have to play the guessing game now. Oh, I can only answer correctly? OK. Never mind. That was worrisome for a second.
Final question has a grammar problem. "helped you crew..." should be "helped your crew..."
Worf question should end with "their son" not "his son".
"That did it sir" is a complete sentence and should end with a period, not a comma. The should begin a new sentence.
Stabilization program console isn't glowie?
Spawning people into a fight isn't very good. Maybe you could spawn the enemies a little further back than 6 KM after I beam back to my ship?
Good use of respawn points. Nice Klingon Colony map.
Final fight in the klingon colony (3 groups of bad guys) has a balancing issue I think. I think there maybe too many enemies with the ability to use hold. Went thru the entire fight held in one spot. Had to depend entirely on the BO's.
Is there supposed to be a body at the feet of the statue? I have the "Scan his DNA profile" dialog, but I don't see a body anywhere...?
Computer to lower the door is clever. Why would Medusik people who have been in stasis for a century or more know about Janeway? And the Janeway question should be "was commanded...", not "is commanded..", unless you plan on revealing the computer is working on 20 year old trivia questions?
The Medusik are pod people? cool.
The last chamber with the exposed lava was also very nice.
T'Kowr speech after first wave of space battle: possible should be possibly.
T'Kowr speech to fedrikson - you have the klingon captain use a personal pronoun (his and then later he) to describe my female toon. Might need to rewrite for gender nuetrality.
Two Cloaks, One Dagger / RogueEnterprise
Descent Into Madness / FutureCaptain
Plato's Requiem / Raptorwalker
Franklin Drake Must Die / syberghost
Old Past, New Future / antman9173
Alpha Shock / P90James
Some minor spelling issues. Good story. Lots of detail and thought went into it. The object interactions were getting a bit tiresome (especially the ones where you interact with the same thing 2 or 3 times to move it out of the way) but it was a good use of the tools. The ground map and the caverns were excellent.
Spawn of Medusa / 4 stars
Wow, I am indeed honored to receive a 4 star rating from you. I will get to work to correct the grammatical errors this week. Yes, there should have been a Medusik male at the base of the statue. He was there when I test ran it. I don't know if it's a Foundry "sporadic bug" or what, but he should have been there. Wait, perhaps they have the ability to render themselves invisible too, (lol, just kidding).
On the "hold" issue. I too (ARGGH) was held in that particular fight. I was going to use KDF with the Medusik skins, but they kept spawning those blasted Targs so I gave that idea the heave-ho. The Captain squad for Nausicaans comes with a Commander and a Captain with those blasted weaponss, so I think I might change that up to get rid of one of them. My Boffs did all the work there too.
I'll fix the "he/him" gender classification as well. It's one of those things you don't realize when you test it with your male toon. Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the mission. Like most authors, thats what is more important to us. For folks to get enjoyment out of our stories.
Part II is under the dialogue phase now, with the maps being complete, and although it will not be as combat heavy as the first part, it should set a good foundation to the remainder of the series as well as expand on the history of this new and dangerous species. I will let you know when it is ready for review.
Thanks again .
Some minor spelling issues. Good story. Lots of detail and thought went into it. The object interactions were getting a bit tiresome (especially the ones where you interact with the same thing 2 or 3 times to move it out of the way) but it was a good use of the tools. The ground map and the caverns were excellent.
Spawn of Medusa / 4 stars
Wow, I am indeed honored to receive a 4 star rating from you. I will get to work to correct the grammatical errors this week. Yes, there should have been a Medusik male at the base of the statue. He was there when I test ran it. I don't know if it's a Foundry "sporadic bug" or what, but he should have been there. Wait, perhaps they have the ability to render themselves invisible too, (lol, just kidding).
On the "hold" issue. I too (ARGGH) was held in that particular fight. I was going to use KDF with the Medusik skins, but they kept spawning those blasted Targs so I gave that idea the heave-ho. The Captain squad for Nausicaans comes with a Commander and a Captain with those blasted weaponss, so I think I might change that up to get rid of one of them. My Boffs did all the work there too.
I'll fix the "he/him" gender classification as well. It's one of those things you don't realize when you test it with your male toon. Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the mission. Like most authors, thats what is more important to us. For folks to get enjoyment out of our stories.
Part II is under the dialogue phase now, with the maps being complete, and although it will not be as combat heavy as the first part, it should set a good foundation to the remainder of the series as well as expand on the history of this new and dangerous species. I will let you know when it is ready for review.
Thanks again .
Duke-of-Rock
Damn it, didn't get around to this one this week. Will do and add it to the Away Team report next week. Congrats on the 4 stars, there hard to come by from a reviewer.
PS Bogle check out the StarbaseUGC site in about 10 hours because I'm posting a project that I'd like very much for you to be apart of.
Damn it, didn't get around to this one this week. Will do and add it to the Away Team report next week. Congrats on the 4 stars, there hard to come by from a reviewer.
PS Bogle check out the StarbaseUGC site in about 10 hours because I'm posting a project that I'd like very much for you to be apart of.
Thanks, I'll take a look. Honestly, not sure I am able to take on another project. It already takes me too long to get around to reviewing these missions. Stupid things like job and paying the bills keep slowing me down.
Hey Boglejam, still taking mission review requests? I like that your reviews are so specific. I'm mostly interested in getting things picked out that could be better executed or done differently so that the overall feel of the mission is improved.
Mission: Two Cloaks, One Dagger
Starfleet, I believe it's level 41+
Congrats, a 4 star mission. Very few nitpicks. Very clean text. I liked the story and thought it was well thought out. Here are the very minor nitpicks:
Two Cloaks, One Dagger / 4 stars
Mission granting text: Perfect. Destination even listed in mission tracker.
OK, you gave a story reason for the camera shake, but man does it get annoying after a few minutes.
Would be nice if the Orion mobs on the ship moved around a bit. Seems like they are just waiting to be killed.
Admiral popup regarding Imaga II: "has a trade a greement" agreement is one word.
Nice touch with the blink patterns and artificial background.
A very very clean and well constructed mission. Nice job.
Awesome Bogle, thanks for the review. I'm glad you could nitpick out a few things!
Regarding camera shake.... it's funny, I tried to make it seem like there is simply some turbulence and that sort of thing, but whenever I play the mission it seems like it's barely perceptible, so I'm always like, "MOAR CAMERA SHAKE!" but maybe it's not necessary.
I'll take a look at those other issues and perhaps make a couple tweaks.
Descent Into Madness / FutureCaptain
Plato's Requiem / Raptorwalker
Franklin Drake Must Die / syberghost
Old Past, New Future / antman9173
Alpha Shock / P90James
The Hunt For Peace / Pinecone3
3 stars. Very close to that 4th star. I think I mentioned in one of your earlier missions (if not yours, sorry - somebody's) that I don't think it is very immersive to enter a system and not have a dialog popup that sets the scene. When I entered Cestus, all I had was a destintion to go to on the map and a goal in the tracker. I hate that. Its supposed to be a story, not a console shooter, right?
anyway, here are the nitpicks:
Descent Into Madness / 3 stars
Mission Granting text: Fine. Mission tracker could say what sector block just in case
someone forgets.
Also, not that it is a huge issue or anything, but since any system can be used as a
mission door, why do authors make us travel so far to start missions? Some take the
approach of making their mission doors close to ESD, and explain it away with transwarp
and such. Others make you go to Defara, or Gamma Orionis. Again, not a flaw and not something
I grade down on - I just hate the dead travel time. Since I play a lot of foundry missions, I get sent to
Pi Canis just to have to go all the way back to Defara. Would really suck for players who
don't have slipstream.
Enter Cestus: Need a BO popup to put me in the story. Otherwise I'm just looking at the
mission tracker and a circle on a map. The sci officer saying he has found the ship and
suggesting we approach it makes it more of a story and less of a check-the-box mission
like some console shooter.
And an explanation for why as soon as I get close to the ship the nebula interference
effect kicks in would be nice. Something comforting from the Sci guy again reassuring me
that beaming isn't going to kill me dispite the fact that sensors aren't working maybe?
I'm not beaming to a transporter room - so why don't I just beam into the conference room instead
of the other side of the deck? Its a different form of dead travel time.
Post briefing BO popup: layed in for Cestus III should be laid in.
Guard towers are cool, but I can't get my drops. Daddy wants his drops.
Modify tricorder and Activate tricorder are a bit hard to trigger. Might be better to maybe have
some consoles to interact with? Lift a keycard off the injured gorn instead?
"Its too quiet." nice.
sublevel two is a very good map. Very creepy in its Borgness.
The "Base" began to move as I was destroying it. I know its a ship parked on the planet to simulate
the base, but can you make it sationary?
Boglejam, I've got 2 follow ups to Plato's Grandchildren:
Plato's Requiem
Plato's Abrogation
I reviewed Plato's Requiem
3 stars. Good mission. Little on the short side. Not much in the way of mistakes at all. Just didn't suck me in all that much. This is pretty much par for the course for the part that leads to a finale thou. The story has been good and consistant, which is sometimes lost over multipart stories. Looking forward to the next one if you want it reviewed.
Nitpicks:
Plato's Requiem / 3 stars
Grant Mission text: Fine. You never say in what system block the Watran system is in
thou. (Regulus Sector block, Celes sector)
I like the domes on the asteroid. Looks very cool.
Doctor P'klon: finely? Think maybe you meant finally?
I have a captains lounge? OK. Thing is, I fly a Defiant. So it doesn't make sense in my toons world to have a captains lounge. And honestly, there wasn't a story reason for a map transition there. The final part there could have been handled via communications without creating a room on my ship.
Or maybe make the meeting with Whyn take place back in the rehab center and include one of the doctors or the administrator? The third character can add some other reason to the list of why we need to proceed to part III.
"Franklin Drake Must Die" has had its final major tweaks until Foundry tech provides new options, and is ready for review please.
3 stars. I liked the story. I liked your use of the tools. I didn't like how chattie my captain was. I didn't like the banter with Drake. Didn't like how my captain interacted with the crew. This is one of those things that is tricky with UGC because authors feel the need to provide dialog for the player toon. I prefer the author to make my toon say just enough to advance the story, without giving my toon any personality. Players have an idea of how their toons talk/behave, and when authors give the player toon too much dialog, you replace the player toons personality with the personality you provide. I know authors don't like to have dialog that ends with "continue", but sometimes (especially with player toon dialog) less is more.
Other than that, just a couple of nitpicks.
Franklin Drake Must Die / 3 stars
Mission Granting text: Fine. Destination fully listed in the tracker.
Admiral chat: 23rd Century doesn't need to be capitalized. Courts martial doesn't need
to be plural. Court martial is fine. Courts martial is the plural form, meaning several
military courts.
"And tell that no-account doctor of yours that he still...." I don't like things like
this in missions. Who is to say my doctor is a he? You can argue that maybe there is
more than one doctor on my crew and you are referring to one of the others, but for a
player, their immersion is based solely on their toon and their BOs, not some faceless
person that you want me to accept as some unseen member of my crew. It doesn't pull me
any more into your story (unless I happen to have a Doctor character that is a he).
Another gripe - and not one I count off for, but I just like to gripe about it - is what
is with all of the dead travel time foundry authors like to subject everyone to? I was
in Regulus when I took your mission, so I had to go to Alpha Centuri. Now you are
sending me to Pi Canis. Since any system can serve as a door to your story, why do I
have to spend 10 minutes going one way and then have to backtrack over the same ground I
just covered and then go even further to Pi Canis?
In your specific case, why couldn't Drake have gone thru his rift in one of the systems
in Alpha Centuri and exited the rift in klingon territory? Then I wouldn't have to cover
two sector blocks, I could go thru the door in the same sector block I picked up the
mission in and then you can map transition me to the klingon area you want me to end up
in. Its a magic time rift anyway, right? Lets make it a magical space/time rift, too.
Bridge BO popup: "...addressed to your eyes only." addressed to only my eyes? My eyes
have a separate address? Maybe it would sound better as "addressed to you, marked as
your eyes only."
Awww TRIBBLE. You didn't make me do all of that travel I was whining about? Disregard my
earlier rant. Haha.
Entering the Korvat system: I'd like there to be a popup. I don't like just a mission
goal in the tracker and a marker on the map. This is a story, not a console shooter.
Just a cheesie BO popup saying "we're here. Sensors say the rift is over there. We
should go check it out...". Think like its a TV episode. We are coming out of
commercial and we would either be getting the captains log voice-over setting the scene
or someone would report to set the scene, right?
The klingon "squadron" by the rift was just one ship. Is that really a squadron?
Fight with Klingon Boss in base is a little crazy. Three klingons totally worked my
group over.
3 stars. Very close to that 4th star. I think I mentioned in one of your earlier missions (if not yours, sorry - somebody's) that I don't think it is very immersive to enter a system and not have a dialog popup that sets the scene. When I entered Cestus, all I had was a destintion to go to on the map and a goal in the tracker. I hate that. Its supposed to be a story, not a console shooter, right?
anyway, here are the nitpicks:
Descent Into Madness / 3 stars
Mission Granting text: Fine. Mission tracker could say what sector block just in case
someone forgets.
Also, not that it is a huge issue or anything, but since any system can be used as a
mission door, why do authors make us travel so far to start missions? Some take the
approach of making their mission doors close to ESD, and explain it away with transwarp
and such. Others make you go to Defara, or Gamma Orionis. Again, not a flaw and not something
I grade down on - I just hate the dead travel time. Since I play a lot of foundry missions, I get sent to
Pi Canis just to have to go all the way back to Defara. Would really suck for players who
don't have slipstream.
Enter Cestus: Need a BO popup to put me in the story. Otherwise I'm just looking at the
mission tracker and a circle on a map. The sci officer saying he has found the ship and
suggesting we approach it makes it more of a story and less of a check-the-box mission
like some console shooter.
And an explanation for why as soon as I get close to the ship the nebula interference
effect kicks in would be nice. Something comforting from the Sci guy again reassuring me
that beaming isn't going to kill me dispite the fact that sensors aren't working maybe?
I'm not beaming to a transporter room - so why don't I just beam into the conference room instead
of the other side of the deck? Its a different form of dead travel time.
Post briefing BO popup: layed in for Cestus III should be laid in.
Guard towers are cool, but I can't get my drops. Daddy wants his drops.
Modify tricorder and Activate tricorder are a bit hard to trigger. Might be better to maybe have
some consoles to interact with? Lift a keycard off the injured gorn instead?
"Its too quiet." nice.
sublevel two is a very good map. Very creepy in its Borgness.
The "Base" began to move as I was destroying it. I know its a ship parked on the planet to simulate
the base, but can you make it sationary?
Thanks for the review! Yea the base was a concern because it's a battleship I surrounded with a bunch of walls to keep it from leaving the atmosphere. Keeping that thing still at all was not easy and it sounds like I'll have to work on it some more.
Every mission makes you travel through sector space. Even to different systems. If I want a foundry mission to be on par with Dev quality I wouldn't use a shortcut to start the mission. Just my opinion there, but I understand what you are saying.
The nebula effect kicks in late because I wanted it there, but I didn't want the player to have to go through a large distance of it to get to the ship.
Consoles at the compund entrance I wanted to avoid since I wanted there to be no obvious way past the forcefield. Thanks for the review and I'll think about how I can make it more immersive based on your feedback!
If you're still a glutton for more punishment, I just published Part 2 to my series:
Spawn of Medusa II - (Part II - Daughters of Medusa)
Part II is a strong story driven sequel to Spawn of Medusa. Learn more about the history of this new
enemy to the alpha quadrant and beyond. Learn the truth of the Klingon link to the Medusik past.
Live on the holodeck as of Saturday, 6-4-11.
* Level: 16+
* Mission time: Approx. 1 hour
* Heavy object interactive storyline
* Medium Level Code-Driven Puzzles
* Space-Driven Battle
* Strong Storyline
* Unique Mission Within a Mission Objectives
I would ask if you accept missions for a second review. I have retooled "Descent into Madness" and I would ask you to give it a rerun if you will. If you don't wish to review it a second time that's cool.
Sorry for the unsolicited review. If you tighten it up and want a re-review, let me know and I will go back thru it.
Now that the foundry is up and running again I have been making some serious modifications to 'Relapse' wbich you reviewed back in May. It was my first attempt at manipulating the Foundry and I have learned a great deal in that time.
While your technical commentary on my spelling and such was valuable I would be more interested in your thoughts on the story. I recall you called it muddled.
I should have the edges smoothed out soon enough and I will let you know when it is ready for a re-review.
My one comment though is that the majority of my OOC text will remain intact. While the Foundry is very versitile, it is limited.
Comments
I 3 starred you. Wasn't a bad story. Some minor spelling issues. Here are the nitpicks:
Day of Doom Part I / 3 stars
Mission granting text: First word, second sentence is misspelled. "Under the radar"
must surely have been replaced by newer technobabble?
The destination isn't listed in the mission tracker. Not good.
BO popup after cloaking the gate: Captain is misspelled.
I'd recommend either making the smaller base a bit more noticable or putting a beacon by it. Even looking at the map and seeing where to go, it was still kind of difficult to see/find.
BO popup after beaming onto the station: that and opened are misspelled.
Console action is labeled as "Activate". That seems a little too much like the default UGC label. Maybe "Use console" or "Activate Console" would be better?
Sci BO popup after I start using the console is my ship based sci, not my away team sci? Also, Plasma doesn't need to be capitalized.
Sci BO popup using console in engineering area: "That should stop remoe their hold..." eh?
Wardell: there instead of these. Devices doesn't need a big D.
Section 31 is supposed to be a secret organization. I must have counted at least 40 section 31 operatives in the station. Don't think it would stay a secret organizaion if it had that many people in it. I would maybe have Wardell explain that they are Starfleet commandos (? I don't know, something) that he tricked into helping him. Thats how section 31 would work - like with Bashir. Section 31 may be only three or four guys and they trick people or blackmail them into helping. It isn't a mission breaker or anything - just thought it was odd that Section 31 would have an army of guys.
Might want to design some space combat into the mission. Using my Defiant retro with cloak I didn't have to do any space combat at all. Some players will feel ripped if there isn't any space combat whatsoever.
Oh, and using the Azura interior for the base might not be such a good idea right now. Everyone is replaying that mission at the moment so some will probably feel like its overused and that you should have picked a different base map.
Army of Section 31: You're right, there should be some justification. I will think of something.
Lack of Space Combat: Thre is one battle part, although it is short. You CAN pick a fight with the patrolling ships if you want to have space combat, although I don't reccomend going after the Planet Killers (They're re-skinned Undine Battleships, EEK!)
Sci Ship BO: It was supposed to be your engineer ship BO. But I see what you are saying.
Azura Interior: It had to be something small, andsince it's the "old" Azura, people shouldn't mind.
Thanks for the review. Did you like the story itself? There are some loose ends, but they will be tied up in the next mission
Yeah, the story was good. I liked seeing all of those planet killers, too.
Congrats...a 4 star effort.
Some minor spelling issues. Good story. Lots of detail and thought went into it. The object interactions were getting a bit tiresome (especially the ones where you interact with the same thing 2 or 3 times to move it out of the way) but it was a good use of the tools. The ground map and the caverns were excellent.
Here are the nitpicks:
Spawn of Medusa / 4 stars
Mission granting text: Short. Fine. Destination in the tracker. Hate that it is out in Pi Canis but ok.
Admiral popup: in the outer edge or on the outer edge? I'm not sure why, but on sounds better to me than in. Later, Admiral says "She only spoke of an new..." a new I think. An before words that start with a vowel or sometimes H (like "an oven", or "he is an historian")
Encoded data is clever, but tiresome. I don't remember those details and have to play the guessing game now. Oh, I can only answer correctly? OK. Never mind. That was worrisome for a second.
Final question has a grammar problem. "helped you crew..." should be "helped your crew..."
Worf question should end with "their son" not "his son".
"That did it sir" is a complete sentence and should end with a period, not a comma. The should begin a new sentence.
Stabilization program console isn't glowie?
Spawning people into a fight isn't very good. Maybe you could spawn the enemies a little further back than 6 KM after I beam back to my ship?
Good use of respawn points. Nice Klingon Colony map.
Final fight in the klingon colony (3 groups of bad guys) has a balancing issue I think. I think there maybe too many enemies with the ability to use hold. Went thru the entire fight held in one spot. Had to depend entirely on the BO's.
Is there supposed to be a body at the feet of the statue? I have the "Scan his DNA profile" dialog, but I don't see a body anywhere...?
Computer to lower the door is clever. Why would Medusik people who have been in stasis for a century or more know about Janeway? And the Janeway question should be "was commanded...", not "is commanded..", unless you plan on revealing the computer is working on 20 year old trivia questions?
The Medusik are pod people? cool.
The last chamber with the exposed lava was also very nice.
T'Kowr speech after first wave of space battle: possible should be possibly.
T'Kowr speech to fedrikson - you have the klingon captain use a personal pronoun (his and then later he) to describe my female toon. Might need to rewrite for gender nuetrality.
Fedrikson: alot is a lot. two words.
Two Cloaks, One Dagger / RogueEnterprise
Descent Into Madness / FutureCaptain
Plato's Requiem / Raptorwalker
Franklin Drake Must Die / syberghost
Old Past, New Future / antman9173
Alpha Shock / P90James
Some minor spelling issues. Good story. Lots of detail and thought went into it. The object interactions were getting a bit tiresome (especially the ones where you interact with the same thing 2 or 3 times to move it out of the way) but it was a good use of the tools. The ground map and the caverns were excellent.
Spawn of Medusa / 4 stars
Wow, I am indeed honored to receive a 4 star rating from you. I will get to work to correct the grammatical errors this week. Yes, there should have been a Medusik male at the base of the statue. He was there when I test ran it. I don't know if it's a Foundry "sporadic bug" or what, but he should have been there. Wait, perhaps they have the ability to render themselves invisible too, (lol, just kidding).
On the "hold" issue. I too (ARGGH) was held in that particular fight. I was going to use KDF with the Medusik skins, but they kept spawning those blasted Targs so I gave that idea the heave-ho. The Captain squad for Nausicaans comes with a Commander and a Captain with those blasted weaponss, so I think I might change that up to get rid of one of them. My Boffs did all the work there too.
I'll fix the "he/him" gender classification as well. It's one of those things you don't realize when you test it with your male toon. Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the mission. Like most authors, thats what is more important to us. For folks to get enjoyment out of our stories.
Part II is under the dialogue phase now, with the maps being complete, and although it will not be as combat heavy as the first part, it should set a good foundation to the remainder of the series as well as expand on the history of this new and dangerous species. I will let you know when it is ready for review.
Thanks again
Duke-of-Rock
Damn it, didn't get around to this one this week. Will do and add it to the Away Team report next week. Congrats on the 4 stars, there hard to come by from a reviewer.
PS Bogle check out the StarbaseUGC site in about 10 hours because I'm posting a project that I'd like very much for you to be apart of.
Thanks, I'll take a look. Honestly, not sure I am able to take on another project. It already takes me too long to get around to reviewing these missions. Stupid things like job and paying the bills keep slowing me down.
Congrats, a 4 star mission. Very few nitpicks. Very clean text. I liked the story and thought it was well thought out. Here are the very minor nitpicks:
Two Cloaks, One Dagger / 4 stars
Mission granting text: Perfect. Destination even listed in mission tracker.
OK, you gave a story reason for the camera shake, but man does it get annoying after a few minutes.
Would be nice if the Orion mobs on the ship moved around a bit. Seems like they are just waiting to be killed.
Admiral popup regarding Imaga II: "has a trade a greement" agreement is one word.
Nice touch with the blink patterns and artificial background.
A very very clean and well constructed mission. Nice job.
Regarding camera shake.... it's funny, I tried to make it seem like there is simply some turbulence and that sort of thing, but whenever I play the mission it seems like it's barely perceptible, so I'm always like, "MOAR CAMERA SHAKE!" but maybe it's not necessary.
I'll take a look at those other issues and perhaps make a couple tweaks.
Plato's Requiem / Raptorwalker
Franklin Drake Must Die / syberghost
Old Past, New Future / antman9173
Alpha Shock / P90James
The Hunt For Peace / Pinecone3
3 stars. Very close to that 4th star. I think I mentioned in one of your earlier missions (if not yours, sorry - somebody's) that I don't think it is very immersive to enter a system and not have a dialog popup that sets the scene. When I entered Cestus, all I had was a destintion to go to on the map and a goal in the tracker. I hate that. Its supposed to be a story, not a console shooter, right?
anyway, here are the nitpicks:
Descent Into Madness / 3 stars
Mission Granting text: Fine. Mission tracker could say what sector block just in case
someone forgets.
Also, not that it is a huge issue or anything, but since any system can be used as a
mission door, why do authors make us travel so far to start missions? Some take the
approach of making their mission doors close to ESD, and explain it away with transwarp
and such. Others make you go to Defara, or Gamma Orionis. Again, not a flaw and not something
I grade down on - I just hate the dead travel time. Since I play a lot of foundry missions, I get sent to
Pi Canis just to have to go all the way back to Defara. Would really suck for players who
don't have slipstream.
Enter Cestus: Need a BO popup to put me in the story. Otherwise I'm just looking at the
mission tracker and a circle on a map. The sci officer saying he has found the ship and
suggesting we approach it makes it more of a story and less of a check-the-box mission
like some console shooter.
And an explanation for why as soon as I get close to the ship the nebula interference
effect kicks in would be nice. Something comforting from the Sci guy again reassuring me
that beaming isn't going to kill me dispite the fact that sensors aren't working maybe?
I'm not beaming to a transporter room - so why don't I just beam into the conference room instead
of the other side of the deck? Its a different form of dead travel time.
Post briefing BO popup: layed in for Cestus III should be laid in.
Guard towers are cool, but I can't get my drops. Daddy wants his drops.
Modify tricorder and Activate tricorder are a bit hard to trigger. Might be better to maybe have
some consoles to interact with? Lift a keycard off the injured gorn instead?
"Its too quiet." nice.
sublevel two is a very good map. Very creepy in its Borgness.
The "Base" began to move as I was destroying it. I know its a ship parked on the planet to simulate
the base, but can you make it sationary?
I reviewed Plato's Requiem
3 stars. Good mission. Little on the short side. Not much in the way of mistakes at all. Just didn't suck me in all that much. This is pretty much par for the course for the part that leads to a finale thou. The story has been good and consistant, which is sometimes lost over multipart stories. Looking forward to the next one if you want it reviewed.
Nitpicks:
Plato's Requiem / 3 stars
Grant Mission text: Fine. You never say in what system block the Watran system is in
thou. (Regulus Sector block, Celes sector)
I like the domes on the asteroid. Looks very cool.
Doctor P'klon: finely? Think maybe you meant finally?
I have a captains lounge? OK. Thing is, I fly a Defiant. So it doesn't make sense in my toons world to have a captains lounge. And honestly, there wasn't a story reason for a map transition there. The final part there could have been handled via communications without creating a room on my ship.
Or maybe make the meeting with Whyn take place back in the rehab center and include one of the doctors or the administrator? The third character can add some other reason to the list of why we need to proceed to part III.
3 stars. I liked the story. I liked your use of the tools. I didn't like how chattie my captain was. I didn't like the banter with Drake. Didn't like how my captain interacted with the crew. This is one of those things that is tricky with UGC because authors feel the need to provide dialog for the player toon. I prefer the author to make my toon say just enough to advance the story, without giving my toon any personality. Players have an idea of how their toons talk/behave, and when authors give the player toon too much dialog, you replace the player toons personality with the personality you provide. I know authors don't like to have dialog that ends with "continue", but sometimes (especially with player toon dialog) less is more.
Other than that, just a couple of nitpicks.
Franklin Drake Must Die / 3 stars
Mission Granting text: Fine. Destination fully listed in the tracker.
Admiral chat: 23rd Century doesn't need to be capitalized. Courts martial doesn't need
to be plural. Court martial is fine. Courts martial is the plural form, meaning several
military courts.
"And tell that no-account doctor of yours that he still...." I don't like things like
this in missions. Who is to say my doctor is a he? You can argue that maybe there is
more than one doctor on my crew and you are referring to one of the others, but for a
player, their immersion is based solely on their toon and their BOs, not some faceless
person that you want me to accept as some unseen member of my crew. It doesn't pull me
any more into your story (unless I happen to have a Doctor character that is a he).
Another gripe - and not one I count off for, but I just like to gripe about it - is what
is with all of the dead travel time foundry authors like to subject everyone to? I was
in Regulus when I took your mission, so I had to go to Alpha Centuri. Now you are
sending me to Pi Canis. Since any system can serve as a door to your story, why do I
have to spend 10 minutes going one way and then have to backtrack over the same ground I
just covered and then go even further to Pi Canis?
In your specific case, why couldn't Drake have gone thru his rift in one of the systems
in Alpha Centuri and exited the rift in klingon territory? Then I wouldn't have to cover
two sector blocks, I could go thru the door in the same sector block I picked up the
mission in and then you can map transition me to the klingon area you want me to end up
in. Its a magic time rift anyway, right? Lets make it a magical space/time rift, too.
Bridge BO popup: "...addressed to your eyes only." addressed to only my eyes? My eyes
have a separate address? Maybe it would sound better as "addressed to you, marked as
your eyes only."
Awww TRIBBLE. You didn't make me do all of that travel I was whining about? Disregard my
earlier rant. Haha.
Entering the Korvat system: I'd like there to be a popup. I don't like just a mission
goal in the tracker and a marker on the map. This is a story, not a console shooter.
Just a cheesie BO popup saying "we're here. Sensors say the rift is over there. We
should go check it out...". Think like its a TV episode. We are coming out of
commercial and we would either be getting the captains log voice-over setting the scene
or someone would report to set the scene, right?
The klingon "squadron" by the rift was just one ship. Is that really a squadron?
Fight with Klingon Boss in base is a little crazy. Three klingons totally worked my
group over.
Approach the rift again could use some setup
Alpha Shock / P90James
The Hunt For Peace / Pinecone3
Thanks for the review! Yea the base was a concern because it's a battleship I surrounded with a bunch of walls to keep it from leaving the atmosphere. Keeping that thing still at all was not easy and it sounds like I'll have to work on it some more.
Every mission makes you travel through sector space. Even to different systems. If I want a foundry mission to be on par with Dev quality I wouldn't use a shortcut to start the mission. Just my opinion there, but I understand what you are saying.
The nebula effect kicks in late because I wanted it there, but I didn't want the player to have to go through a large distance of it to get to the ship.
Consoles at the compund entrance I wanted to avoid since I wanted there to be no obvious way past the forcefield. Thanks for the review and I'll think about how I can make it more immersive based on your feedback!
Thanks again!
I can't control how many of the ships the game chooses to spawn in that; it's supposed to scale to several ships. Not sure why it doesn't.
I'll keep your notes handy next time I'm updating it, thanks!
Plato's Abrogation
If you're still a glutton for more punishment, I just published Part 2 to my series:
Spawn of Medusa II - (Part II - Daughters of Medusa)
Part II is a strong story driven sequel to Spawn of Medusa. Learn more about the history of this new
enemy to the alpha quadrant and beyond. Learn the truth of the Klingon link to the Medusik past.
Live on the holodeck as of Saturday, 6-4-11.
* Level: 16+
* Mission time: Approx. 1 hour
* Heavy object interactive storyline
* Medium Level Code-Driven Puzzles
* Space-Driven Battle
* Strong Storyline
* Unique Mission Within a Mission Objectives
If so, I look forward to your review.
Duke-of-Rock
I would ask if you accept missions for a second review. I have retooled "Descent into Madness" and I would ask you to give it a rerun if you will. If you don't wish to review it a second time that's cool.
Thanks!
Now that the foundry is up and running again I have been making some serious modifications to 'Relapse' wbich you reviewed back in May. It was my first attempt at manipulating the Foundry and I have learned a great deal in that time.
While your technical commentary on my spelling and such was valuable I would be more interested in your thoughts on the story. I recall you called it muddled.
I should have the edges smoothed out soon enough and I will let you know when it is ready for a re-review.
My one comment though is that the majority of my OOC text will remain intact. While the Foundry is very versitile, it is limited.