Well, I like making missions with the foundry but I don't have the kind of free time to give them the attention they deserve. And since one or two people have graciously volunteered to work as reviewers (and are now completely inundated with requests) I thought I'd offer to help out, too. So, instead of creating new missions that suck, I'll nit-pick anyone elses mission for them.
Be warned though. I'm a jerk.
Thats right. As the title states - I am a hypercritical jerk. I offer my services as a mission reviewer for anyone who can take brutal, honest criticism. I wil call 'em like I see 'em. I will call you on every grammar mistake, spelling error, or punctuation flub. The first plot hole discovered in your story will earn my scorn. If I find a second plot hole, my scornful harrasment will make you want to climb into that plot hole and pull it in after you. My reviews will not be for timid authors.
But if you get 4 or 5 stars out of me, you really have one H of a good mission.
Anyway, if there are some authors with some intestinal fortitude out there, send me your mission titles. All I ask for in return is that if my review makes you cry, you MUST tell me. Tears are the fuel that keeps my criticism engine running, afterall.
WAMAHahahahahahaha (the laughter of a hypercritical jerk...)
Advertising yourself as a "hyper-critical" jerk-style reviewer may not be the best way to people to flock to you for reviews. I'm not really sure for how many people this may be true, but for many authors, it is there first go at a mission. Professional and most of all, constructive criticism is accepted and even welcomed by most authors. So if you're actually interested in helping, I'd suggest you change your manner.
Furthermore, it's not a matter of "intestinal fortitude". Why get information from a rude reviewer when they can ask around elsewhere and get the same information in a more kindly manner? I fear that you may go hungry if you must feast solely on tears.
Here, take a shot at mine. Even a useless review is a review.
Trembler: Find out what the Cardassians are doing.
Trembler 2: Investigate a Cardassian facility.
Bob,
Good stuff. Liked a lot of it. Here is the list of the stuff I didn't like:
1.) I have a pretty diverse bridge crew. Sadly, Tonto, Tarzan, nor Frankenstein were available, though. Twice you had my BO's speaking Tonto-ese
"Ready to enter Kinjun System?" can I get a "the" in there? Unless you meant it to not have a question mark - in which case the BO is just reporting status. Still could use a "the".
BO popup at first forcefield "There should be console close by". Can I get an "a" in there? Go large. Buy a vowel.
2.) Log summary by BO - "over throw" should be overthrow.
3.) One of the BO's said my "hacking skills may need to be required". Eh? Just say may be required. the need to isn't needed.
4.) One of the questions to the prophets was "When did the Obsidion Order Reform?" Are there Orthodox Obsidion Order members and Reformed Obsidion Order members? Don't think you need the capital R in reform. If they are a religious sect it would probably need to be "Obsidion Order, Reformed."
5.) BO asks in ref to the prophets statement "What did they mean." Use a question mark, not a period.
Other than that it was good, clean fun. Hope the nit-picking helps.
Good stuff. Liked a lot of it. Here is the list of the stuff I didn't like:
1.) I have a pretty diverse bridge crew. Sadly, Tonto, Tarzan, nor Frankenstein were available, though. Twice you had my BO's speaking Tonto-ese
"Ready to enter Kinjun System?" can I get a "the" in there? Unless you meant it to not have a question mark - in which case the BO is just reporting status. Still could use a "the".
BO popup at first forcefield "There should be console close by". Can I get an "a" in there? Go large. Buy a vowel.
2.) Log summary by BO - "over throw" should be overthrow.
3.) One of the BO's said my "hacking skills may need to be required". Eh? Just say may be required. the need to isn't needed.
4.) One of the questions to the prophets was "When did the Obsidion Order Reform?" Are there Orthodox Obsidion Order members and Reformed Obsidion Order members? Don't think you need the capital R in reform. If they are a religious sect it would probably need to be "Obsidion Order, Reformed."
5.) BO asks in ref to the prophets statement "What did they mean." Use a question mark, not a period.
Other than that it was good, clean fun. Hope the nit-picking helps.
Thanks. Most appear to be typos. I'll correct them in the morning. Foundry doesn't include blue squiggles.
Yep. I think we miss typos because we reread our own stuff too much.
I know what you mean. Either it'll always look right or it'll never look right.
When I was in high school (late 90s), we had to do a project in our computer class in order to learn how to do slides. We were given the instructions so everyone had exactly the same thing when it was all said an done (easier for the bots to grade). I don't know whether it was the font we were required to use, the color of the text, or the fact we were having to use a d**n Mac, but for some reason I though the word "FRANCE" was misspelled. And it drove me nuts until I finally asked a friend of mine to make sure I wasn't losing it.
Sometimes we are too close to see objectively. We will either overlook mistakes or see mistakes that aren't there.
Strange readings have been reported near the penal colony of Rura Penthe. A large federation force has slipped off the radar. The last known coordinates were near the border of the Pi Canis and Omega Leonis Sector Blocks.
Sometimes we are too close to see objectively. We will either overlook mistakes or see mistakes that aren't there.
hence the need for critical or editorial view
I actually tried to get a friend with an amazing writing ability (writes a minimum 50,000 word novel every November for the National November Writing Month competition) to act as an editor on my latest mission, however trying to express context of action plus dialogue away from playing the mission in STO is actually pretty damn hard..
I would love for a toolset to allow an export of "storyboard" information, story flow, dialogue trees etc to help allow this kind of editorial to happen, mostly because it would help improve overal quality of foundry missions i feel.
Elksium and Outlaw - will add you to the list. Might be tomorrow for you two since I already have two up for tonight. If they are short I'll try to get yours in, too.
Exporting out some key story elements and storyboarding would be an excellent idea. A lot of people would catch the little nit-picky errors themselves if they were able to see their story in a different context.
Good stuff. Liked a lot of it. Here is the list of the stuff I didn't like:
1.) I have a pretty diverse bridge crew. Sadly, Tonto, Tarzan, nor Frankenstein were available, though. Twice you had my BO's speaking Tonto-ese
"Ready to enter Kinjun System?" can I get a "the" in there? Unless you meant it to not have a question mark - in which case the BO is just reporting status. Still could use a "the".
BO popup at first forcefield "There should be console close by". Can I get an "a" in there? Go large. Buy a vowel.
2.) Log summary by BO - "over throw" should be overthrow.
3.) One of the BO's said my "hacking skills may need to be required". Eh? Just say may be required. the need to isn't needed.
4.) One of the questions to the prophets was "When did the Obsidion Order Reform?" Are there Orthodox Obsidion Order members and Reformed Obsidion Order members? Don't think you need the capital R in reform. If they are a religious sect it would probably need to be "Obsidion Order, Reformed."
5.) BO asks in ref to the prophets statement "What did they mean." Use a question mark, not a period.
Other than that it was good, clean fun. Hope the nit-picking helps.
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
He gave me three stars, though.... For a few typos, I consider that a pretty rough score.
You make me want to finish my mission faster and have you review it. Were all hypercritical jerks. It's the creative purpose. Besides, all criticism is good criticism and better than none. It's how the Author responds to it that makes him or her a good Author. Keep up the good work. A couple more of these threads and I will consider putting togeathur some sort of board so we don't have to all be playing the same missions at the same stage of development.
You are ordered to the Trimble system to patrol the area. Starfleet has a top secret science facility there that is developiong a new warp core that will make transwarp conduits obsolete. soon you realize someone may have opened the door for Klingons to attack the the facility unhindered.
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
His mission was pretty good. Hard to be hypercritical of what was basically some misspellings and one or two grammar mistakes. Now, if he had some huge plot defect or some crazy bizarre storyline, that would be a totally different issue.
Comments
Furthermore, it's not a matter of "intestinal fortitude". Why get information from a rude reviewer when they can ask around elsewhere and get the same information in a more kindly manner? I fear that you may go hungry if you must feast solely on tears.
Trembler: Find out what the Cardassians are doing.
Trembler 2: Investigate a Cardassian facility.
I'm really aiming for a flawless mission here...i want to note this is a beta release and i am working on some of the trial dialogues
Useless to you, maybe. And just because its hypercritical doesn't mean it won't be constructive.
Besides, it was mostly sarcasm. Everybody gets a fair shake.
In fact, hyper- is the opposite of hypo- as far as prefixes are concerned (hyper- means more than, hypo- means less than, and iso- means the same).
right, I offer more than needed criticism. Its like the worst present under the tree. Sure, it sucks - but hey, its a present.
Level 41+, Federation. Starts at Tazi System in Sirius.
ID: ST-HQEQLWMHG
I look forward to your review and feedback, even if it does make me :eek:,
Thanks!
That is why I used the word "unless". If it is constructive, then my post obviously doesnt apply to you, does it?
Bob,
Good stuff. Liked a lot of it. Here is the list of the stuff I didn't like:
1.) I have a pretty diverse bridge crew. Sadly, Tonto, Tarzan, nor Frankenstein were available, though. Twice you had my BO's speaking Tonto-ese
"Ready to enter Kinjun System?" can I get a "the" in there? Unless you meant it to not have a question mark - in which case the BO is just reporting status. Still could use a "the".
BO popup at first forcefield "There should be console close by". Can I get an "a" in there? Go large. Buy a vowel.
2.) Log summary by BO - "over throw" should be overthrow.
3.) One of the BO's said my "hacking skills may need to be required". Eh? Just say may be required. the need to isn't needed.
4.) One of the questions to the prophets was "When did the Obsidion Order Reform?" Are there Orthodox Obsidion Order members and Reformed Obsidion Order members? Don't think you need the capital R in reform. If they are a religious sect it would probably need to be "Obsidion Order, Reformed."
5.) BO asks in ref to the prophets statement "What did they mean." Use a question mark, not a period.
Other than that it was good, clean fun. Hope the nit-picking helps.
Thanks. Most appear to be typos. I'll correct them in the morning. Foundry doesn't include blue squiggles.
Yep. I think we miss typos because we reread our own stuff too much. Admiral D and Ripley - I will run both of your missions tomorrow night.
I know what you mean. Either it'll always look right or it'll never look right.
When I was in high school (late 90s), we had to do a project in our computer class in order to learn how to do slides. We were given the instructions so everyone had exactly the same thing when it was all said an done (easier for the bots to grade). I don't know whether it was the font we were required to use, the color of the text, or the fact we were having to use a d**n Mac, but for some reason I though the word "FRANCE" was misspelled. And it drove me nuts until I finally asked a friend of mine to make sure I wasn't losing it.
Sometimes we are too close to see objectively. We will either overlook mistakes or see mistakes that aren't there.
I want a 5 star mission!
Here is my first mission:
Defend the Empire!
ST-HEP22MMEG
Strange readings have been reported near the penal colony of Rura Penthe. A large federation force has slipped off the radar. The last known coordinates were near the border of the Pi Canis and Omega Leonis Sector Blocks.
Please be brutal!
hence the need for critical or editorial view
I actually tried to get a friend with an amazing writing ability (writes a minimum 50,000 word novel every November for the National November Writing Month competition) to act as an editor on my latest mission, however trying to express context of action plus dialogue away from playing the mission in STO is actually pretty damn hard..
I would love for a toolset to allow an export of "storyboard" information, story flow, dialogue trees etc to help allow this kind of editorial to happen, mostly because it would help improve overal quality of foundry missions i feel.
Dead In Space by Outllaw.
Dont have the id number handy as i am mobile.
Exporting out some key story elements and storyboarding would be an excellent idea. A lot of people would catch the little nit-picky errors themselves if they were able to see their story in a different context.
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
He gave me three stars, though.... For a few typos, I consider that a pretty rough score.
Note: there is some kind of foundry glitch in the third map wait 33 seconds for the server to respond.
His mission was pretty good. Hard to be hypercritical of what was basically some misspellings and one or two grammar mistakes. Now, if he had some huge plot defect or some crazy bizarre storyline, that would be a totally different issue.
Added to the queue. I never take off points for issues that are beyond the authors control.
haha.
Peace is Weak (Holodeck, Fed, Noro System, still under review content)
Sins of the Sons (Holodeck, Fed, DS9, still under review content)
Thanks