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Literary Challenge #61 Discussion Thread

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  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Don't worry, they were good.

    God, I so wish I could have another 5000 words or so for this. I have so many plot bunnies...
    Glad they worked, I know I'K'rR'r's shenanigans were pretty self-indulgent on my part :cool:

    Some of the collaborative pieces sander233 and patrickngo have posted have been massive, I think the character limit only applies to PMs, rather than forum posts... :cool:
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Glad they worked, I know I'K'rR'r's shenanigans were pretty self-indulgent on my part :cool:

    Some of the collaborative pieces sander233 and patrickngo have posted have been massive, I think the character limit only applies to PMs, rather than forum posts... :cool:

    Heh. I'd definitely pay to see that in a TV show...;)

    Naah, there's a character limit to forum posts. My entry kept getting truncated.
  • grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    :eek: What happened to Jenna?? :eek:


    I can confirm that though they may have been injured, there were no casualties in the main cast this time. Just redshirts from hull breaches and Elachi boarding parties.


    I wanted to write more about the after effects. People meeting to discuss the Solanae appearance. More on the D'Elon/Jarok relationship. Jenna recovering in a Romulan hospital. Why didn't the Voth appear, despite promising they would. A lot of threads left hanging, but I felt they would just be dragging on the narrative, and Talaina meeting up with her sister was the best place to end it. Otherwise, I'd end up with a Return of the King Directors Cut type ending, where it just keeps going and ending over and over. However, I may write those scenes and post them in this thread, as a sort of 'deleted scenes' type thing.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,460 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    I do wish there was more space, though, because I now have ideas for a humorous "Nemesis (the Original) beats up Starfleet to find Three" story and a more serious (but still fairly light) "Vengeance crew adjust to having/being timeline clones" story.
    You could always write side stories in their own multipost threads, you know, along the lines of "Heresy" or "Faces In the Flames"...
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    You could always write side stories in their own multipost threads, you know, along the lines of "Heresy" or "Faces In the Flames"...

    Not a bad idea...

    Maybe I should do that. I've got the time, seeing as the game is apparently broken right now.
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Heh. I'd definitely pay to see that in a TV show...;)

    Naah, there's a character limit to forum posts. My entry kept getting truncated.
    They've shown stronger stuff before on Trek... ;)

    Ahh, fair enough :cool:
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    grylak wrote: »
    I can confirm that though they may have been injured, there were no casualties in the main cast this time. Just redshirts from hull breaches and Elachi boarding parties.


    I wanted to write more about the after effects. People meeting to discuss the Solanae appearance. More on the D'Elon/Jarok relationship. Jenna recovering in a Romulan hospital. Why didn't the Voth appear, despite promising they would. A lot of threads left hanging, but I felt they would just be dragging on the narrative, and Talaina meeting up with her sister was the best place to end it. Otherwise, I'd end up with a Return of the King Directors Cut type ending, where it just keeps going and ending over and over. However, I may write those scenes and post them in this thread, as a sort of 'deleted scenes' type thing.
    I like the idea of the deleted scenes, looking forwards to reading them :cool:
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    I had planned an elaborate story, with battle sequences and everything, but I kept coming up dry for inspiration. However, the initial setup seemed promising - so that's what you get. Enjoy. :)

    I forgot to say how much I enjoyed this entry, and give credit for how much it inspired my own :cool:
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    They've shown stronger stuff before on Trek... ;)

    Ahh, fair enough :cool:

    Orion slave girls, the undersides of Denise Crosby's TRIBBLE...probably something else, as well.
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Orion slave girls, the undersides of Denise Crosby's TRIBBLE...probably something else, as well.

    Kira and Dax in swimsuits, Carol Marcus in her skivvies... At least this was in context, not gratuitous :cool:
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Kira and Dax in swimsuits, Carol Marcus in her skivvies... At least this was in context, not gratuitous :cool:

    Point on the first, at least.

    JJTrek angers me because it handled the sexy too clumsily. Look at First Contact for comparison; the Borg Queen has the sexy TRIBBLE routine down PAT, and she manages to seduce Data while being lowered into her own body.
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Point on the first, at least.

    JJTrek angers me because it handled the sexy too clumsily. Look at First Contact for comparison; the Borg Queen has the sexy TRIBBLE routine down PAT, and she manages to seduce Data while being lowered into her own body.

    Absolutely, Best. Entrance. Evah! The writer of the scene with Carol apologised for its gratuitousness. At least she wasn't serving under Captain Bruge ;)
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Absolutely, Best. Entrance. Evah! The writer of the scene with Carol apologised for its gratuitousness. At least she wasn't serving under Captain Bruge ;)

    OK, completely crazy idea...what would've happened if that were Worf in that scene, not JJKirk?

    Just how many fuses would he blow?
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    OK, completely crazy idea...what would've happened if that were Worf in that scene, not JJKirk?

    Just how many fuses would he blow?
    Worf might've been a pimp, but he was also a Gentleman... He wouldn't've stood gawking, that's for sure :cool:
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Worf might've been a pimp, but he was also a Gentleman... He wouldn't've stood gawking, that's for sure :cool:

    I think that if it were Worf in command of the Enterprise there, Ms. Marcus would've been out on her ear.
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,460 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    I forgot to say how much I enjoyed this entry, and give credit for how much it inspired my own :cool:
    Thank you. I always enjoy getting name-checked in an LC, too. :)

    FWIW, my original story idea had Adm. Grunt and the Ferenginar valiantly fighting to the end, and finally helping to secure victory with some insanely suicidal yet necessary move, going out "in a final flash of glory/Nevermore to grace the night..." (to coin a phrase).
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    Thank you. I always enjoy getting name-checked in an LC, too. :)

    FWIW, my original story idea had Adm. Grunt and the Ferenginar valiantly fighting to the end, and finally helping to secure victory with some insanely suicidal yet necessary move, going out "in a final flash of glory/Nevermore to grace the night..." (to coin a phrase).
    You're very welcome, and I'm glad Grunt didn't have to make that sacrifice, thus robbing us of his awesome accumen :cool:
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    Thank you. I always enjoy getting name-checked in an LC, too. :)

    FWIW, my original story idea had Adm. Grunt and the Ferenginar valiantly fighting to the end, and finally helping to secure victory with some insanely suicidal yet necessary move, going out "in a final flash of glory/Nevermore to grace the night..." (to coin a phrase).
    You're very welcome, and I'm glad Grunt didn't have to make that sacrifice, thus robbing us of his awesome accumen :cool:
  • captclazoruscaptclazorus Member Posts: 377 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    New Dominion
    What does this refer to?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Star Trek: Rubicon" Season 1, Season 2 A new era, a new time, a new crew, a new ship, a new mission...
    "I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment because it will never come again."- Jean-Luc Picard
  • squatsaucesquatsauce Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Okay. I did one. Warning: it may cause the reader to experience a single, regretful feel.
  • worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    squatsauce wrote: »
    Okay. I did one. Warning: it may cause the reader to experience a single, regretful feel.

    Genesis Device MK IX [CritWTF][CritManWut?????]

    Glorious.
  • squatsaucesquatsauce Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Okay, I got some of the textual kinks and typos worked out. Should be fit for reading.
  • grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Ok, here is the first deleted scene. Fairly short, but one I wanted to put in just to show Jenna did infact survive. But it was removed for pacing reasons, as there were three ending scenes originally envisioned, but it felt right to only have one in, and since Talaina had been the focus, I wanted to have the relationship with her and Tallara. I'm also trying to padd out Jenna's character, as I don't believe I've done much with her in the past other than have her be at the helm, and I'd rather not have her be a Mayweather.


    Eee, you're even getting Director's Commentary with these scenes. Anyway, it's short but sweet. This scene is called 'Jenna makes a friend'
    ******************************************************************************


    Ensign Jenna Jones slowly woke up. Her first thought was that she was on her back. Her second thought was that she was on her back in a bed. Which was odd. Because she didn't remember going to bed. In fact, the last thing she remembered was piloting the Viper. Maybe she should open her eyes and see where she was. But her head hurt so much. Perhaps if she just rolled over and went back to sleep for a bit. She heard someone come over and beep a tricorder at her. Well, there was no way to go to sleep now. So she gradually opened an eye, letting the light come through. It pierced her brain and she shut her eye tight. A young male voice spoke. "It's ok. I know you're awake human."

    Jenna tried to open her eye again. The blurry mix of colours gradually started to focus. The first thing she saw was a young Romulan male standing over her. Which instantly made her nervous. There was no reason for her to be in a Romulan facility. She should be in a Starfleet one. She tried to speak, but only let out a gargle. The Romulan smiled down at her. "Easy there human. You took a nasty injury. We've patched you up, but we want to keep you here for observation for a couple of days."
    "Wh...... where am I?"
    "The primary medical facility on New Romulus. Alot of injured Starfleet and Klingons are here. From what I hear, you were all lucky to make it back." Jenna just groaned and slumped an arm over her eyes. She could feel sleep tugging at her again.

    "Thank you Romulan." She meekly said. The Romulan smiled warmly. "You're welcome human."

    Jenna moved her arm so she could see him. It was only now she noticed he was actually rather cute. She tried to smile. "Jenna. My name is Jenna Jones."
    "Very pleased to meet you Jenna Jones. I'm Chavek Marrus."

    "Mmmmm. I feel sleepy."
    "That's good. You need to recover after the surgery."
    "Surgery?"
    "Yes, you had a nasty injury to your neck. But not to worry, we fixed it."

    Chavek picked up Jenna's hand and gently kissed the back of it, before putting it down and pulling the sheet up over her shoulders. She smiled, already fading into the land of nod. "Mmmmmm..... thank you Chavek."

    "I'll be back to check on you later."


    As Jenna drifted off to sleep, Chavek moved on to the next patient.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
  • moonshadowdarkmoonshadowdark Member Posts: 1,899 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    I don't care for deleted scenes. SHOW ME THE BLOOPER REEL!

    *eats popcorn and giggles as Jenna forgets her lines*
    "A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"

    -Leonard Nimoy, RIP
  • grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    I don't care for deleted scenes. SHOW ME THE BLOOPER REEL!

    *eats popcorn and giggles as Jenna forgets her lines*

    Hmmmmm. You've given me ideas. A blooper reel may be incoming.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
  • grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Grab your popcorn! Blooper reel incoming!


    ************************************************
    As Talaina held a bloodied hand to her head to help recover, she looked at the screen. The Iconian ship was developing an orange glow from the rear. It spread over the ship, small explosions rippling along the hull. Was it 8472? Had to be. Nothing the Allies had fired at it had caused any damage. A blinding light filled the bridge, cutting through the haze as the vessel was consumed in fire. Before the fireball had even finished, a swarm of tribbles came pouring through and started bouncing off everything!

    *****************************************************

    Talaina let out a slight grunt. The Viper was assigned to a pack of six Defiant class ships, who were ordered to make surgical strikes in the enemy lines and sow confusion amongst them while the cruisers took advantage of the confusion and sliced them apart. T'Fon's sensor console beeped. "Captain, more ships coming through the gateway."


    They watched as another two hundred Romulan vessels emerged of every class. A one eyed Klingon captain appeared on screen. "This is Captain Bravok, leading the captured Romulan Empire." Jenna let out a snort as Talaina rolled her eyes. "Too early Bravok. This is meant to be D'Elon's cameo."
    "D'Elon is in the can. Someone had to fill her role."

    *****************************************************************

    Talaina let out a slight grunt. The Viper was assigned to a pack of six Defiant class ships, who were ordered to make surgical strikes in the enemy lines and sow confusion amongst them while the cruisers took advantage of the confusion and sliced them apart. T'Fon's sensor console beeped. "Captain, more ships coming through the gateway."


    They watched as another two hundred Romulan vessels emerged of every class. Kermit the Frog appeared on screen. "This is Kermit of the Muppet Star Empire." Jenna fell off her seat in a fit of laughter. Even T'Fon tried to stifle a giggle. Talaina rolled her head as she turned her seat to the side. "Come on guys. We're trying to do a season finale here. Can we roll again?"

    **************************************************************

    The Viper turned sharply and unleashed her full fury at the incoming ships. Two smaller escorts erupted in a fireball as Viper sped through the wreckage, firing again. Another surge in subspace energy indicated more coming through the rift. Jena's eyes widened as she let out a string of curses. Everyone barely holding on as Viper banked shraply right and down, skimming mere metres from the pylon of the Elachi station that had just appeared in front of them. Ttorkkinn fired another spread of torpedos, but they did no damage to the station. As Viper pulled away from the station, they flew straight into the mouth of a space whale.

    *****************************************************************

    Jenna was lying in the bed. Chavek walked up to her and ran his tricorder at her. There was no movment, so he coughed and scanned again. He looked at her. "It's your line." Still no reaction from Jenna. Chavek gently poked her shoulder with his finger. Jenna moved slightly and started snoring. Chavek dropped the tricorder and staggered back laughing.

    ***************************************************************


    The air was warm. A little too warm for Talaina, but at least the gentle breeze made it tolerable. She hadn't been to New Romulus since the Sentinel was assigned here as part of the task force to help set up the initial infrastructure. The Romulan Republic had made some impressive advances with the city in that time. She stood on the bridge looking over the river that made it's way from Vastam Peaks. One of those multi legged water creatures was down in the valley, splashing about. Hearing footsteps, Talaina turned and smiled. Tallara approached, tripping on a loose plank in the bridge. She stumbled forward, tripping over the side of the bridge and falling into the river below with a splash. Talaina quickly looked over the side of the bridge to see Tallara sitting in the river below, the creature wrapping it's tentacles around her and hugging her closely.

    ******************************************************************


    As Talaina held a bloodied hand to her head to help recover, she looked at the screen. The Iconian ship was developing an orange glow from the rear. It spread over the ship, small explosions rippling along the hull. Was it 8472? Had to be. Nothing the Allies had fired at it had caused any damage. A blinding light filled the bridge, cutting through the haze as the vessel was consumed in fire. Before the fireball had even finished, the original Enterprise flew through, firing phasers. Every ship it looked at exploded instantly until only the Federation fleet was left.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    squatsauce wrote: »
    Okay. I did one. Warning: it may cause the reader to experience a single, regretful feel.

    Oh man, I know Khas wouldn't want the sympathy, but what a badass end :( Certainly beats The banality of Amanda's being caught in a cave in on New Romulus ;)
  • squatsaucesquatsauce Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Oh man, I know Khas wouldn't want the sympathy, but what a badass end :( Certainly beats The banality of Amanda's being caught in a cave in on New Romulus ;)

    Awww...thank you. *blush blush*

    Khas died as he lived: quietly resenting every single thing about his existence. Fortunately, I've placed his end far enough in the future that I can still give him more adventures. It's just that now you know how all of the characters involved will die.
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    squatsauce wrote: »
    Awww...thank you. *blush blush*

    Khas died as he lived: quietly resenting every single thing about his existence. Fortunately, I've placed his end far enough in the future that I can still give him more adventures. It's just that now you know how all of the characters involved will die.

    Definitely going out with a bang though, no pun intended :cool:
  • masopwmasopw Member Posts: 157 Arc User
    edited March 2014
    Hey all,

    Thanks for the comments in the last LC. (If anybody would like to critique the 'series', I'd appreciate it in order to better balance humourous entries, dramatic ones, cliff hangers, etc.)

    I haven't gotten around to reading all the entires for LC 60 "Threedux", but will get to them as time wills it. (Wasn't if renamed thusly given worffan101's utter domination?). ;)

    I've got an idea for this LC...the loss of the Yorktown, which happened 10 years ago. Which comes to the permission part:

    If I can have your ship and captain come to the recovery/rescue operations, could you please advise on:
    --Ship name & type, plus captains rank at that time? NCC# a bonus.
    --Forward weapon type and what special powers you'd use, ie, torpedo spread, cannon rapid fire, beam overload.

    I promise no dialog with your ship...comms have taken major damage by the time they arrive...so no worries about your characters saying something they wouldn't. No significant damage to your ship nor any casualties to your crews.


    And if anyone ever wants to check my character:
    USS Bonaventure, NCC-900288-B, Sci-Oddy. Antiproton beam arrays with Borg cutting beam and tractor. Photons and omega plasma Torps forward, Transphasics and Bio-neural aft. Rouge Valley is the Aquarius, spit out as soon as I warp in. High yield Torps, gravity well, and isometric charge are my standard opening salvos. Captain is Nico Garret. If you want Sotek, well...his ship wen get all bus up.

    Hope to get the tale out next weekend...R/L has the audacity to take away some of my disposable time for this welcome escape.
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