@worffan101: Interesting....very interesting! Now...follow up questions: Ok, it's a time of war...but in the past Starfleet wanted to keep possibly unstable officers away from situations that might set them off (Picard in First Contact, for example.). How did they justify giving command of a starship to a sadistic killing machine? What happens if they order her to "hold the line" knowing it is a suicide mission, but she can't self terminate? What happens if another Nemesis unit goes rogue or becomes an enemy of the Federation? What happens if someone she cares about goes rogue? What happens if a Nemesis unit harms someone she cares about?
Just curious.
Also curious...only got a few nibbles last time I went fishing for comments....so throwing out the hook again...how did my last entry fare in the minds of others?:o
Also curious...only got a few nibbles last time I went fishing for comments....so throwing out the hook again...how did my last entry fare in the minds of others?:o
That was an interesting interpretation of the Sheliak superiority complex - and it's true enough that at least among humans, such complexes often are used to mask a deep feeling of inferiority; the subject often feels it necessary to subjugate others in order to keep them from becoming a threat. (Then again, sometimes the person is just a rotten SOB. It's a crapshoot, really.)
Given that interpretation, the Romulan's action was both insightful and ruthlessly logical. Perhaps the Rihannsu aren't so separated from their Vulkansu cousins as they like to believe.
I also like the way, in both tales, in which you used the non-viewpoint officers as a method of painlessly eliciting exposition, which might otherwise have come across as a massive information dump. Well done!
@worffan101: Interesting....very interesting! Now...follow up questions: Ok, it's a time of war...but in the past Starfleet wanted to keep possibly unstable officers away from situations that might set them off (Picard in First Contact, for example.). How did they justify giving command of a starship to a sadistic killing machine? What happens if they order her to "hold the line" knowing it is a suicide mission, but she can't self terminate? What happens if another Nemesis unit goes rogue or becomes an enemy of the Federation? What happens if someone she cares about goes rogue? What happens if a Nemesis unit harms someone she cares about?
Just curious.
Also curious...only got a few nibbles last time I went fishing for comments....so throwing out the hook again...how did my last entry fare in the minds of others?:o
--Due to an error with a transdimensional portal, Three is the only Nemesis unit in the Trekverse, and will likely remain so for a very long time. She gave a Contract to Admiral Quinn because the units have a strict policy of being under Contract at all times when in an unfamiliar universe. Admiral Quinn accepted because there are some things that run too high a risk of detection and/or require too much force for the use of Section 31 to be viable, but that are too morally iffy for regular captains. If Three is sent on a suicide mission, she will send her crew to safety and complete the mission, but ONLY if she can have a real effect and if the other option is the destruction of enough of the universe that her crew will definitely be killed. If someone she cares about goes rogue, Three will capture them without harming them (or at least avoiding as much harm as possible) and will have them examined by people she trusts. She's watched too many episodes of Star Trek involving alien infiltration to blindly trust authority. If a unit harms someone she cares about, it is either an accident (in which case the Nemesis unit will spare no expense to see the harmed party recovered as quickly as possible) or a necessary act to spare the person from certain death at the hands of someone with waaaaaaay too much time on their hands for elaborate death planning (in which case the unit will carry her friend to safety and then ensure his or her recovery).
--I liked your story. The clever exposition diversion was very nice, and the Sheliak were well-played. I liked the canny Romulan, too.
Also curious...only got a few nibbles last time I went fishing for comments....so throwing out the hook again...how did my last entry fare in the minds of others?:o
The part before you abruptly switch to the B'Tran cluster is an excellent investigation into the thought processes of both Romulans and Sheliak. The part inside the B'Tran cluster doesn't really seem to fit the rest of the piece. It's well written though.
Thanks jonsils, worffan101, and markhawkman, for the feedback!
The cut away to the B'Tran cluster is part of the overall arc I'm going for...makes sense if you caught the last LC's cliffhanger, but as a stand alone piece it gives the "huh?" impression.
OT, but related to storytelling...I don't know how TV writers don't go absolutely insane when trying to tell their tales when networks change the day it's on, or the broadcast order, or make a schedule where repeats are interspersed with new episodes, or just cancel it completely. (The worst fate...a great series gets cancelled, yet we have tons of 'quality' Honey Boo Boo making cakes with the motorcycle building crab fishermen who tattoo alligators while driving ice roads to get to the pawn shop to buy moonshine before the sharknado hits.)
Just bringing it up because I find that I've had the "huh?" factor recently when watching a show, and learned that I've missed an episode the network never aired. Oh well...guess that's one more series I'll have to grab the box set for, and catch up in a rainy day marathon...
@maso: yeah, Godzilla: the animated series was really bad about that. Certain episodes were never aired in the original syndicated run. I only got to see them on DVD.
Firefly and Babylon 5 (before Season 5 was picked up) are two great examples - IMO - of great TV shows either unable to finish the story due to cancellation or rushing to finish the story prematurely because of impending cancellation, respectively.
@wraithshadow13 - This style really worked for the ideas presented - it would have been hella-long if you had dialogue. I really enjoyed the conspiracy!
@sander233 - The ending line to your entry was refreshing in that it was at the other end of the spectrum.
What, exactly, was wrong with 'These are the Voyages...'? If I may be so bold as to ask?
Sudden character death unpleasantly reminiscent of Kirk's death in Generations, abrupt ending, obvious plot threads in the last 2 seasons permanently unresolved.
My gripe with these are the voyagers is the fact more to do with it being an episode of TNG rather than Enterprise. While it would have worked for a random episode, it was terribly done as the last episode of Enteprrise. Forced death on Trip that came right out of the blue (and then we interacted with him AFTER the fact, which just kinda messed up his whole death thing) with the knowledge that he's been in situations like that before and not commited suicide. It teases the entire thing with the signing of the Federation charter, the single most important point in Trek history, and then ends before we get to see it (while cutting away from it could have worked if they just mentioned in passing this was why they were returning to earth, it was given too much focus in the show to not show it).
The fact that to understand any of the TNG stuff going on, you have to remember a single episode from TNG's last season, which was not even a major event episode. People remember Wolf 359, even if they just saw it years ago. People remember Spock on Romulas. People don't remember the Pegasus if they are the casual viewer. But even then, they completely messed up what Riker decided. In TNG, he kept quiet about Pegasus, and went along with Pressman until the last moment when the Enterprise was in danger. TATV has Riker decide to come clean to Captain Picard. Normally, I'm one to just wave away plot inconsistancies, like the Romulans in ENT having cloaks, but when you set it in an episode of another show, and have the characters doing things during that show, you absolutely MUST ensure you maintain continuity with that episode. That's why In a mirror Darkly worked so well. They kept continuity with the Tholian Web, down to the redshirt strangling the captain in front of the captain's chair.
Now don't get me wrong, there are good parts to TATV. The whole Shran plotline was a pleasure to see, and the end montage was a perfect sendoff for the last ever episode of Star Trek, even using young Kirk for his narration part. Heck, if they removed the TNG elements, and just filmed it purely from ENT's perspective, it would have been better. If they had to have Riker and Troi in, have them time travel from the future on the Titan and help in subtle ways to ensure Archer gets to Earth. I do like watching it, but the final epsiode of a series is supposed to make sense from the perspective of someone who has only ever watched that show, and is unaware of what happens in the rest. TATV failed horribly at that.
Still, miles better than Threshold.
Well, the issue was that it wasn't MEANT to be a finale at all. It just came up last in broadcast order...
If this is true, then I can forgive a little of the issues. But it still contains many more. Most notably my issues regarding the TNG episode it's spawning from.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Was Threshold the one where Paris and Janeway... you know.. bingbing?
Salamander babies? yes....
Anyways. Enterprise doesn't have a series conclusion. The two part episode aired before TatV made a better conclusion really. heh, maybe if you changed the episode order? :P
TATV only made a hash of the characters, their motivations, and established Trek history. "Threshold" did all of that, and screwed up genetics, medicine, and the physics regarding warp travel as established in two previous series and in the body of VOY itself.
And yes, TATV was intended as the final episode. Berman described it, before airing, as a "love letter" to the fans of Trek. In the event, it turned out to be one of those letters that calls the recipient names, and includes a dead rose and some squashed chocolates. I prefer to pretend it never happened; as far as I'm concerned, "Terra Prime" made a fine sendoff to the series, or at least a better one than "Turnabout Intruder" was to TOS.
Anyways. Enterprise doesn't have a series conclusion. The two part episode aired before TatV made a better conclusion really. heh, maybe if you changed the episode order? :P
ah no, I think I watched this episode for a short time.. but from that I have learned everything I need to know about.. you know:D
Anyways. Enterprise doesn't have a series conclusion. The two part episode aired before TatV made a better conclusion really. heh, maybe if you changed the episode order? :P
The funny thing is, Manny Coto has said the exact same thing. To him, Terra Prime was the finale of Enterprise. And I know Jolene Blalock has voiced her displeasure about TATV.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
I've voiced my opinion on threshold in one of my stories, but for me that last episode wasn't neccessarily a bad episode, it was just poorly written. Trip's death was entirely pointless, as was anything between Shrans last scene and the Start of the Coalition scene. The Riker aspect was an interesting touch, but it would have been better after a few more seasons. We needed more running into it rather than just a sudden jump seven years in the story. I think it would have been better to leave as a cliffhanger than toss out a poorly written finale.
@wraithshadow13 - This style really worked for the ideas presented - it would have been hella-long if you had dialogue. I really enjoyed the conspiracy!
Thank you, As I had said earlier, i was worried that i wouldn't be able to do this kind of story as strongly as i could with things like the action, so i'm glad to hear that people enjoyed it.
I constantly try to write these like an episode of a show, but i worry that people would talk about it like they do Voyager or that last enterprise episode.
Okay. A short piece, but I'm afraid I got rushed at the last minute (this is starting to sound like a broken record )
Note to self: Do not get into a position where you are almost done your rough draft, and then have to go shovel snow. It does -not- improve one's text.
As a note, I watched Starship Mine last night, and during his small talk with the base commander, Data mentioned the Sheliak were among the species that like their body temperature to be the same as the room they are in.
Only picked up on that because of this LC. Heh.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
As a note, I watched Starship Mine last night, and during his small talk with the base commander, Data mentioned the Sheliak were among the species that like their body temperature to be the same as the room they are in.
Only picked up on that because of this LC. Heh.
It's amazing how many minor details you absorb when you really want to.
Okay. A short piece, but I'm afraid I got rushed at the last minute.
As long as you keep posting your stories, i think people will be happy. Sometimes great things happen accidentally, so a short, last minute story might expand later on into an awesome idea.
I think that's the most important part. I think a lot of us would cop out more if it led to us being happier with the finished product. I know i'm never fully satisfied with a lot of what i post for these challenges.
I know that i, for one, love to go back and research as much as i can while writing. I'll usually be watching the relevant episodes, as well as having multiple pages from both memory alpha and beta, as i go. I try to adhere to hard canon as much as possible, and incorporate bit of soft canon that serve my needs. I just wish i could find an official "Rules of Roddenberry" list to keep on hand as well.
I rushed this a bit too heavily. Please bring any plot holes to my attention and I will rectify them as soon as I can. Thank you for your patience. *sleep*
Comments
Yeah, there've been some awesome suggestions, it'll be interesting to see what the next LC will be :cool:
Just curious.
Also curious...only got a few nibbles last time I went fishing for comments....so throwing out the hook again...how did my last entry fare in the minds of others?:o
Given that interpretation, the Romulan's action was both insightful and ruthlessly logical. Perhaps the Rihannsu aren't so separated from their Vulkansu cousins as they like to believe.
I also like the way, in both tales, in which you used the non-viewpoint officers as a method of painlessly eliciting exposition, which might otherwise have come across as a massive information dump. Well done!
--Due to an error with a transdimensional portal, Three is the only Nemesis unit in the Trekverse, and will likely remain so for a very long time. She gave a Contract to Admiral Quinn because the units have a strict policy of being under Contract at all times when in an unfamiliar universe. Admiral Quinn accepted because there are some things that run too high a risk of detection and/or require too much force for the use of Section 31 to be viable, but that are too morally iffy for regular captains. If Three is sent on a suicide mission, she will send her crew to safety and complete the mission, but ONLY if she can have a real effect and if the other option is the destruction of enough of the universe that her crew will definitely be killed. If someone she cares about goes rogue, Three will capture them without harming them (or at least avoiding as much harm as possible) and will have them examined by people she trusts. She's watched too many episodes of Star Trek involving alien infiltration to blindly trust authority. If a unit harms someone she cares about, it is either an accident (in which case the Nemesis unit will spare no expense to see the harmed party recovered as quickly as possible) or a necessary act to spare the person from certain death at the hands of someone with waaaaaaay too much time on their hands for elaborate death planning (in which case the unit will carry her friend to safety and then ensure his or her recovery).
--I liked your story. The clever exposition diversion was very nice, and the Sheliak were well-played. I liked the canny Romulan, too.
My character Tsin'xing
The cut away to the B'Tran cluster is part of the overall arc I'm going for...makes sense if you caught the last LC's cliffhanger, but as a stand alone piece it gives the "huh?" impression.
OT, but related to storytelling...I don't know how TV writers don't go absolutely insane when trying to tell their tales when networks change the day it's on, or the broadcast order, or make a schedule where repeats are interspersed with new episodes, or just cancel it completely. (The worst fate...a great series gets cancelled, yet we have tons of 'quality' Honey Boo Boo making cakes with the motorcycle building crab fishermen who tattoo alligators while driving ice roads to get to the pawn shop to buy moonshine before the sharknado hits.)
Just bringing it up because I find that I've had the "huh?" factor recently when watching a show, and learned that I've missed an episode the network never aired. Oh well...guess that's one more series I'll have to grab the box set for, and catch up in a rainy day marathon...
My character Tsin'xing
@wraithshadow13 - This style really worked for the ideas presented - it would have been hella-long if you had dialogue. I really enjoyed the conspiracy!
@sander233 - The ending line to your entry was refreshing in that it was at the other end of the spectrum.
Ugh, that last episode.
What, exactly, was wrong with 'These are the Voyages...'? If I may be so bold as to ask?
Trials of Blood and Fire
Moving On Parts 1-3 - Part 4
In Cold Blood
Sudden character death unpleasantly reminiscent of Kirk's death in Generations, abrupt ending, obvious plot threads in the last 2 seasons permanently unresolved.
Kind of pissed me off at CBS, to be honest.
My character Tsin'xing
The fact that to understand any of the TNG stuff going on, you have to remember a single episode from TNG's last season, which was not even a major event episode. People remember Wolf 359, even if they just saw it years ago. People remember Spock on Romulas. People don't remember the Pegasus if they are the casual viewer. But even then, they completely messed up what Riker decided. In TNG, he kept quiet about Pegasus, and went along with Pressman until the last moment when the Enterprise was in danger. TATV has Riker decide to come clean to Captain Picard. Normally, I'm one to just wave away plot inconsistancies, like the Romulans in ENT having cloaks, but when you set it in an episode of another show, and have the characters doing things during that show, you absolutely MUST ensure you maintain continuity with that episode. That's why In a mirror Darkly worked so well. They kept continuity with the Tholian Web, down to the redshirt strangling the captain in front of the captain's chair.
Now don't get me wrong, there are good parts to TATV. The whole Shran plotline was a pleasure to see, and the end montage was a perfect sendoff for the last ever episode of Star Trek, even using young Kirk for his narration part. Heck, if they removed the TNG elements, and just filmed it purely from ENT's perspective, it would have been better. If they had to have Riker and Troi in, have them time travel from the future on the Titan and help in subtle ways to ensure Archer gets to Earth. I do like watching it, but the final epsiode of a series is supposed to make sense from the perspective of someone who has only ever watched that show, and is unaware of what happens in the rest. TATV failed horribly at that.
Still, miles better than Threshold.
If this is true, then I can forgive a little of the issues. But it still contains many more. Most notably my issues regarding the TNG episode it's spawning from.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Well, of course. Threshold was awful.
Was Threshold the one where Paris and Janeway... you know.. bingbing?
Anyways. Enterprise doesn't have a series conclusion. The two part episode aired before TatV made a better conclusion really. heh, maybe if you changed the episode order? :P
My character Tsin'xing
And yes, TATV was intended as the final episode. Berman described it, before airing, as a "love letter" to the fans of Trek. In the event, it turned out to be one of those letters that calls the recipient names, and includes a dead rose and some squashed chocolates. I prefer to pretend it never happened; as far as I'm concerned, "Terra Prime" made a fine sendoff to the series, or at least a better one than "Turnabout Intruder" was to TOS.
ah no, I think I watched this episode for a short time.. but from that I have learned everything I need to know about.. you know:D
The funny thing is, Manny Coto has said the exact same thing. To him, Terra Prime was the finale of Enterprise. And I know Jolene Blalock has voiced her displeasure about TATV.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Thank you, As I had said earlier, i was worried that i wouldn't be able to do this kind of story as strongly as i could with things like the action, so i'm glad to hear that people enjoyed it.
I constantly try to write these like an episode of a show, but i worry that people would talk about it like they do Voyager or that last enterprise episode.
My character Tsin'xing
However, according to that episode (if you believe it), he's dead.
My character Tsin'xing
Cast:
Kathryn Beringer - Rachel Nichols
Ambassador V'Sar - Michael Fassbender
Note to self: Do not get into a position where you are almost done your rough draft, and then have to go shovel snow. It does -not- improve one's text.
Only picked up on that because of this LC. Heh.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
My character Tsin'xing
As long as you keep posting your stories, i think people will be happy. Sometimes great things happen accidentally, so a short, last minute story might expand later on into an awesome idea.
I think that's the most important part. I think a lot of us would cop out more if it led to us being happier with the finished product. I know i'm never fully satisfied with a lot of what i post for these challenges.
I know that i, for one, love to go back and research as much as i can while writing. I'll usually be watching the relevant episodes, as well as having multiple pages from both memory alpha and beta, as i go. I try to adhere to hard canon as much as possible, and incorporate bit of soft canon that serve my needs. I just wish i could find an official "Rules of Roddenberry" list to keep on hand as well.
I rushed this a bit too heavily. Please bring any plot holes to my attention and I will rectify them as soon as I can. Thank you for your patience. *sleep*
Literary Challenges Entries- Star Trek Online: Lord English
Dramatis Personae of Star Trek Online: Lord English