And I've posted! As usual, this is a work in progress due to time and saving constraits. Hopefully I'll actually finish this piece and not leave it hanging...
This is the latest of all my chapters. It coincidentally plays right into the End Season Upgrade that Kha was going to get, so hopefully it won't be too much of a jump-card for you, as I've got a whole timeline written out but no time to turn it into a real series of LC posts.
"Last Engage! Magical Girl Origami-san" is in print! Now with three times more rainbows.
@ sharpie65: A really nice, concise entry No frills, no overkill, just straight down to business :cool:
@ amurorx0: As above comments, to have the main battle left out was just unfair on the reader (although I totally agree with your rationale behind doing so ) A really solid entry though
@ asardetemplari: I actually didn't mind the idea of the Vulcans creating bio-weapons... I really like the idea of the un-named captain, and rather like the cut of their jib, it'll be interesting to see how future LCs expand on their character Also, having a rather warped sense of humor, I did chuckle at the MACO hanging themself in sickbay...
@ patrickngo: I can't really add much to what Sander233 has already said, absolutely fantastic characters and language, I really enjoyed reading that entry :cool:
@ cmdrscarlet: Fantastic entry as always. I really liked the action sequences and the use of the stealth suits, as well as the flirtationship between Kathryn and Daikar :cool:
@ maverickdude5: Awesome characters, I can't wait to see them again in future LCs
@ khayuung: Awesome entry, but "Aaaaaarrgggg!!!!" at the 'to be continued...'
And wow, a weapon that destabilizes a star's gravity... that would be POTENT.
I'm still trying to hash out potential details for any entry I would make. I definitely know what the Technology I'd be protecting would be, though...
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it In Andromeda, they're called Nova bombs, and are pretty much the Highguard's Nuclear Deterrent to force the unruly to seeing things their way... I always envisaged Andromeda simply being in the distant future of the Trekverse, so decided to show the research which potentially led to the development of the Nova bombs (Gustav's explanation was lifted from the wiki, and just tweaked to read as dialogue, as I couldn't've re-written it to say the same thing differently...)
I hope you'll be able to work out some concepts so you'll be able to put in an entry :cool:
Great interlude there with Bowen and Rebecca Kane's tricorder . I never thought about it but I guess ones personal tricorder would become basically like our laptops or tablets today - business tools that we personalize and stuff with personal files and photos and music.
I wanted to introduce a couple of elements, and that scene seemed the best way to do so... I wanted to introduce the tricorder for S'rR's' use in such a way as she wouldn't simply start using it and having a Save the Day piece of technology, without it simple 'appearing' and being unexplained... Of course, it is inspired by Captain Jack Harkness's Time Agency vortex manipulator, and my own personal theory as to how the user interface might function. The music was a reference back to the earlier piece I did where Marcus was playing his mother's favorite piece of music on her birthday
Excellent battle sequence (loving the cool competence of T'Natra.)
Thanks, I wanted to give her a bit more to do than just say "Aye, Captain," and press some buttons, so decided to show that she has some serious skillz when it comes to piloting, hence the need for a large enough Klingon ship for her to start 'hull flying', and I'm hoping to develop her character more as the LCs progress
Kinda wish the Valkkyrie could've killed the klinks with science (viral matrix, maybe, if a gravity well is too implausible?) instead of the Big 'E' warping in to the rescue.
I know exactly what you mean there, and I kinda got myself boxed in by what I wanted to include... I could have simply concluded the entry at the point where the assault team beams over to the observatory, but I really wanted to show what a badass Chanos is in a one on one situation, as well as give T'Natra the chance to show off her piloting skills, so that meant extending the entry, but I couldn't have them repeat the same trick of beaming over a warhead. Equally, I didn't want the Valkyrie to get its TRIBBLE kicked back to spacedock again, so figured the best route was to have them at a standoff where the Valkyrie hasn't got the power to take down the Negh'Var, and where the Negh'Var is just too big to pin down the Valkyrie... I'd originally planned to have both the Enterprise and the Chi'toka involved, and make the entrance at the end, but I felt that might be writing GulBerat into a corner for their own entry, so decided to just use the Enterprise to settle things, without making Amanda and crew come across as incompetents who needed rescuing
@ cmdrscarlet: Fantastic entry as always. I really liked the action sequences and the use of the stealth suits, as well as the flirtationship between Kathryn and Daikar :cool:
Many thanks!
Action is a problem for me as i tend to be very detailed with my descriptions of what the character is doing (I think) but moving scenes can get bogged in the details. If the scene came across in your mind's eye well then I may be getting a little better at it.
But really, gulberat's advice for space combat is sitting with me and I gave it a small shot (no pun intended) in this piece. Obviously I left out the beginning and middle of the fight between ships because ... well ... that wasn't the point to the story. So I decided to describe the end Again, if the scene works, then the advice I was given may be working :cool:
On the steath suit - I'm a little loathe to the idea that I'm trying to force my schtick's into the overall lore of Star Trek. So I'm thinking this will be the last time it gets used - it served a purpose to get the action done, but I can't have this one-of-a-kind item become a gimmick for the future. I think it's comfortable to say that any research on personal cloak technology could be done on a lone station like Regula-1, without making a big deal in the grand scheme of things ... especially if it stays in R&D for the duration of a fictional universe
Usually once the idea has occurred to me, I can knock a story right out, and wait impatiently for the next LC - but this time I'm glad it's staying up for so long. This week has been spring break, so I've been dealing with two kids, one of whom is a seven-year-old with ADD and a Cars video game on the Wii. Not exactly conducive to getting a lot of writing done...
Thankfully, that all clears up come Monday, so I may have a bit more time available. I'm working on another tale of Grunt and the USS Bastogne - the time isn't yet ripe for my crew to abandon the Bastogne for the heavy cruiser Hadrian, as they already have in game.
Action is a problem for me as i tend to be very detailed with my descriptions of what the character is doing (I think) but moving scenes can get bogged in the details. If the scene came across in your mind's eye well then I may be getting a little better at it.
But really, gulberat's advice for space combat is sitting with me and I gave it a small shot (no pun intended) in this piece. Obviously I left out the beginning and middle of the fight between ships because ... well ... that wasn't the point to the story. So I decided to describe the end Again, if the scene works, then the advice I was given may be working
On the steath suit - I'm a little loathe to the idea that I'm trying to force my schtick's into the overall lore of Star Trek. So I'm thinking this will be the last time it gets used - it served a purpose to get the action done, but I can't have this one-of-a-kind item become a gimmick for the future. I think it's comfortable to say that any research on personal cloak technology could be done on a lone station like Regula-1, without making a big deal in the grand scheme of things ... especially if it stays in R&D for the duration of a fictional universe
You're very welcome, the scenes flowed absolutely fine This was my first space battle in a decade As for the stealth suit, it didn't come across as forced personal schtick, as the already exists within the Trekverse, so no need to worry on that score Personally, I'm all for forcing schtick, but I try and keep it as in universe as possible to minimize any jarring (not sure how successful I am with that )
Usually once the idea has occurred to me, I can knock a story right out, and wait impatiently for the next LC - but this time I'm glad it's staying up for so long. This week has been spring break, so I've been dealing with two kids, one of whom is a seven-year-old with ADD and a Cars video game on the Wii. Not exactly conducive to getting a lot of writing done...
Thankfully, that all clears up come Monday, so I may have a bit more time available. I'm working on another tale of Grunt and the USS Bastogne - the time isn't yet ripe for my crew to abandon the Bastogne for the heavy cruiser Hadrian, as they already have in game.
@ asardetemplari: I actually didn't mind the idea of the Vulcans creating bio-weapons... I really like the idea of the un-named captain, and rather like the cut of their jib, it'll be interesting to see how future LCs expand on their character Also, having a rather warped sense of humor, I did chuckle at the MACO hanging themself in sickbay... QUOTE]
I could continue it... tbh, I wrote that when I was half-asleep. so I decided to let whatever was in my head out on the paper.
Dreadnought class. Two times the size, three times the speed. Advanced weaponry. Modified for a minimal crew. Unlike most Federation vessels, it's built solely for combat.
I could continue it... tbh, I wrote that when I was half-asleep. so I decided to let whatever was in my head out on the paper.
I've been in a similar state when writing in the past... If a future LC was to allow you to continue the story, it would be interesting to see where the story takes the unknown captain
Although they are wearing the old uniforms there. They have since switched to Odyssey, with dark red lower, dark blue upper.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
@grylak - ditto what marcusdkane set. I really like the concept of your Tactical Response Team.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
FINALLY got an idea! Now to see if I can write it in time...
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
cmdrscarlet--Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed your battle descriptions.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
cmdrscarlet- I'll agree with GulBerat, your battle descriptions (both for the space combat and the ground battle) were very vivid! You need to have the Solaris in battle scenes more often. I am looking forward to more plot development, re: Kathryn and her vendetta.
marcusdkane- Another awesome piece, although I agree with everyone else, the segment with the tricorder was by far the most interesting. Is it going to become a plot point for future LC's?
grylak- Really well written! What stood out for me the most was the fact that you included some in-built friction among your officers (especially towards the Jem'Hadar and Breen), and actually had one of your supporting characters get seriously hurt. I also appreciate that your battle description had the Sentinel gradually losing: it was a nice change from the one-sided, Starfleet-ship-pwns-all space battles we typically see in STO. All told, great story, and I'm now curious as to Stunshock's species.
My own story is still in the idea stages so far. I may actually write one from the POV of my KDF character-- while I do have the inkling of an idea for something involving the Da Vinci and her crew, I may instead focus my efforts on writing a non-LC short story about them that will be crucial for plot development.
Another awesome piece, although I agree with everyone else, the segment with the tricorder was by far the most interesting.
Thank you, but oh dear, if a conversation between an engineer and the ship's computer is more interesting than the space battle, I've got to be doing something wrong Mostly, I was just trying to introduce the computer interface, and break the bridge action during the flight to the observatory, so I guess I did that
Is it going to become a plot point for future LC's?
I don't envisage it being a huge plot point, but it will probably feature again at some point if an LC calls for it... I figure that if S'rR's is going to be an ambassador rather than a serving officer, she at least deserves to have some toys to play with
I also found myself the most drawn in by the tricorder as well. The imagery and sensory descriptions were incredible, and Meliden's reaction was really cute.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
I also found myself the most drawn in by the tricorder as well. The imagery and sensory descriptions were incredible, and Meliden's reaction was really cute.
I always figured that that's how Jack Harkness's Time Agency vortex manipulator displayed information to the user for security, and as it had never been confirmed or denied, I decided that that's how this device would work I figured that Meliden would be more impressed with something which worked in an unusual way, and DS-9 established that Cardassians can tolerate sensory input which other species find unsettling
Thank you for the feedback! It ssems I may be going in the right direction for combat writing then. I'm going to be tackling the older LCs in order and the Hive ones have me spooked. To my reviews!
- crimpson7 - Let me say that "Commander Scratch" and the "Kit-Kat Device" made this a fun read
- sharpie65 - 30 minutes to blow a cube ... does it take long to destroy a cube in-game by chance? I have yet to face off against the Borg (other than the intro fight) so my perspective on this foe is not up to par to write about.
- amurorx0 - I'll need to reread your update before I can post a comment about it, but it's printed out!
- asardetemplari - So, that's the making of a mercenary? And with a Starfleet Dreadnought?! :eek:
- patrickngo - I was struck by the language as well. I was only distracted because I think the swear-filter uses asterisks. Still, it gave the character ... well ... a lot of character :P
- marcusdkane - I wish I had more to say, but I too was more impressed with the tricorder section. Don't get me wrong, it's well-written overall ... but that part left me wanting more.
- maverickdude05 - First post on the forum with a Literary Challenge?! Bold and well done- V'lar was great. I look forward to reading more from you and welcome!
I wish I had more to say, but I too was more impressed with the tricorder section. Don't get me wrong, it's well-written overall ... but that part left me wanting more.
I'm glad you were left wanting more, I'm just amazed that what I was worried about coming across as an additional scene to force a piece of tech, has been everyone's favorite part :eek: I guess I'll have to write more scenes between Meliden and her invisible friend
Glad everyone liked my entry. I like to try and keep things real. While the Sentinel was able to hold off the fighters with ease, a pair of heavily armed cruisers would pack more of a punch.
I'm intending to start writing short stories based on my crew outside these LC's as well, so hopefully the crew will have more adventures for you guys to enjoy.
As for Stunshock's Species, he's a Jeroan, from the planet Jaroa. I haven't built a massive amount of backstory for the species yet, except a few insults (my favourite being "Throwlan's Ear!" the equivalant of "Bloody Hell!") stemming from their creation myth, the inability to eat fatty foods due to their high metabolism quickly absorbing the fat into their blood, thus clogging arteries within a matter of minutes, and their clothes all being blue and yellow, as those colours are very important to them culturally. I intend to explore more on the species as I write the stories.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Comments
This is the latest of all my chapters. It coincidentally plays right into the End Season Upgrade that Kha was going to get, so hopefully it won't be too much of a jump-card for you, as I've got a whole timeline written out but no time to turn it into a real series of LC posts.
"Last Engage! Magical Girl Origami-san" is in print! Now with three times more rainbows.
Support the "Armored Unicorn" vehicle initiative today!
Thanks for Harajuku. Now let's get a real "Magical Girl" costume!
@ amurorx0: As above comments, to have the main battle left out was just unfair on the reader (although I totally agree with your rationale behind doing so
@ patrickngo: I can't really add much to what Sander233 has already said, absolutely fantastic characters and language, I really enjoyed reading that entry :cool:
@ maverickdude5: Awesome characters, I can't wait to see them again in future LCs
@ khayuung: Awesome entry, but "Aaaaaarrgggg!!!!" at the 'to be continued...'
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it
I hope you'll be able to work out some concepts so you'll be able to put in an entry :cool:
I wanted to introduce a couple of elements, and that scene seemed the best way to do so... I wanted to introduce the tricorder for S'rR's' use in such a way as she wouldn't simply start using it and having a Save the Day piece of technology, without it simple 'appearing' and being unexplained... Of course, it is inspired by Captain Jack Harkness's Time Agency vortex manipulator, and my own personal theory as to how the user interface might function. The music was a reference back to the earlier piece I did where Marcus was playing his mother's favorite piece of music on her birthday
Thanks, I wanted to give her a bit more to do than just say "Aye, Captain," and press some buttons, so decided to show that she has some serious skillz when it comes to piloting, hence the need for a large enough Klingon ship for her to start 'hull flying', and I'm hoping to develop her character more as the LCs progress
I know exactly what you mean there, and I kinda got myself boxed in by what I wanted to include... I could have simply concluded the entry at the point where the assault team beams over to the observatory, but I really wanted to show what a badass Chanos is in a one on one situation, as well as give T'Natra the chance to show off her piloting skills, so that meant extending the entry, but I couldn't have them repeat the same trick of beaming over a warhead. Equally, I didn't want the Valkyrie to get its TRIBBLE kicked back to spacedock again, so figured the best route was to have them at a standoff where the Valkyrie hasn't got the power to take down the Negh'Var, and where the Negh'Var is just too big to pin down the Valkyrie... I'd originally planned to have both the Enterprise and the Chi'toka involved, and make the entrance at the end, but I felt that might be writing GulBerat into a corner for their own entry, so decided to just use the Enterprise to settle things, without making Amanda and crew come across as incompetents who needed rescuing
Possibly more specific - possibly a Protoss fan.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Many thanks!
Action is a problem for me as i tend to be very detailed with my descriptions of what the character is doing (I think) but moving scenes can get bogged in the details. If the scene came across in your mind's eye well then I may be getting a little better at it.
But really, gulberat's advice for space combat is sitting with me and I gave it a small shot (no pun intended) in this piece. Obviously I left out the beginning and middle of the fight between ships because ... well ... that wasn't the point to the story. So I decided to describe the end
On the steath suit - I'm a little loathe to the idea that I'm trying to force my schtick's into the overall lore of Star Trek. So I'm thinking this will be the last time it gets used - it served a purpose to get the action done, but I can't have this one-of-a-kind item become a gimmick for the future. I think it's comfortable to say that any research on personal cloak technology could be done on a lone station like Regula-1, without making a big deal in the grand scheme of things ... especially if it stays in R&D for the duration of a fictional universe
Thankfully, that all clears up come Monday, so I may have a bit more time available. I'm working on another tale of Grunt and the USS Bastogne - the time isn't yet ripe for my crew to abandon the Bastogne for the heavy cruiser Hadrian, as they already have in game.
Can't wait to see Grunt's next adventure :cool:
I might be
Dreadnought class. Two times the size, three times the speed. Advanced weaponry. Modified for a minimal crew. Unlike most Federation vessels, it's built solely for combat.
Which one? The former, or just the latter?
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
http://serenitystation.forumotion.com/t2276-uss-sentinel-crew
Although they are wearing the old uniforms there. They have since switched to Odyssey, with dark red lower, dark blue upper.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
:cool:
Replicator Rations for the crew of the Gespenst
Excellent... :cool:
Definitely made the entry more enjoyable, and I liked the line at the end:
I do believe that Cagalli is in for a bit of a tongue-lashing... Any chance we could see that conversation, or are we just going to have to speculate?
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
marcusdkane- Another awesome piece, although I agree with everyone else, the segment with the tricorder was by far the most interesting. Is it going to become a plot point for future LC's?
grylak- Really well written! What stood out for me the most was the fact that you included some in-built friction among your officers (especially towards the Jem'Hadar and Breen), and actually had one of your supporting characters get seriously hurt. I also appreciate that your battle description had the Sentinel gradually losing: it was a nice change from the one-sided, Starfleet-ship-pwns-all space battles we typically see in STO. All told, great story, and I'm now curious as to Stunshock's species.
My own story is still in the idea stages so far. I may actually write one from the POV of my KDF character-- while I do have the inkling of an idea for something involving the Da Vinci and her crew, I may instead focus my efforts on writing a non-LC short story about them that will be crucial for plot development.
I don't envisage it being a huge plot point, but it will probably feature again at some point if an LC calls for it... I figure that if S'rR's is going to be an ambassador rather than a serving officer, she at least deserves to have some toys to play with
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
- crimpson7 - Let me say that "Commander Scratch" and the "Kit-Kat Device" made this a fun read
- sharpie65 - 30 minutes to blow a cube ... does it take long to destroy a cube in-game by chance? I have yet to face off against the Borg (other than the intro fight) so my perspective on this foe is not up to par to write about.
- amurorx0 - I'll need to reread your update before I can post a comment about it, but it's printed out!
- asardetemplari - So, that's the making of a mercenary? And with a Starfleet Dreadnought?! :eek:
- patrickngo - I was struck by the language as well. I was only distracted because I think the swear-filter uses asterisks. Still, it gave the character ... well ... a lot of character :P
- marcusdkane - I wish I had more to say, but I too was more impressed with the tricorder section. Don't get me wrong, it's well-written overall ... but that part left me wanting more.
- maverickdude05 - First post on the forum with a Literary Challenge?! Bold and well done- V'lar was great. I look forward to reading more from you and welcome!
More later as I read them!
I'm intending to start writing short stories based on my crew outside these LC's as well, so hopefully the crew will have more adventures for you guys to enjoy.
As for Stunshock's Species, he's a Jeroan, from the planet Jaroa. I haven't built a massive amount of backstory for the species yet, except a few insults (my favourite being "Throwlan's Ear!" the equivalant of "Bloody Hell!") stemming from their creation myth, the inability to eat fatty foods due to their high metabolism quickly absorbing the fat into their blood, thus clogging arteries within a matter of minutes, and their clothes all being blue and yellow, as those colours are very important to them culturally. I intend to explore more on the species as I write the stories.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'