Lands of Mirent Tusk - Please review

xxonn3 · January 2014

I tried this quest twice in the last 2 days. The first day, I had the bug with the mob being hidden, possibly under the platform with the steps going into the throne room. could not get past the 2/3 part. It was an archer because I could see the arrow when it hit my character. I was still in the agro mode then. The second day, I cleared all the mobs, no longer in agro mode, but was still stuck at the 2/3 part. I was expecting another wave of mobs, but none showed up. I went to where the platform with the princess and clicked on the object and it gave lore to the dungeon, but I could not progress any further. I left the room and came back and the mobs had respawned, but still could not get past the 2/3 part. So, I guess I will have to use a portal scroll and abandon the quest again.
Nice attempt though.

kellnaforian · January 2014

xxonn3 wrote: »

I tried this quest twice in the last 2 days. The first day, I had the bug with the mob being hidden, possibly under the platform with the steps going into the throne room. could not get past the 2/3 part. It was an archer because I could see the arrow when it hit my character. I was still in the agro mode then. The second day, I cleared all the mobs, no longer in agro mode, but was still stuck at the 2/3 part. I was expecting another wave of mobs, but none showed up. I went to where the platform with the princess and clicked on the object and it gave lore to the dungeon, but I could not progress any further. I left the room and came back and the mobs had respawned, but still could not get past the 2/3 part. So, I guess I will have to use a portal scroll and abandon the quest again.
Nice attempt though.

It's an easy problem to fix on my side. I had tried sending a fix the night before it got featured, but most Authors were unable to publish anything due to a system problem. Additionally, since I tried to publish and it failed, I was unbale to Withdraw the quest. I woke up the next morning to find out the quest was featured...I do not know if they allow featured quests to be fixed or not. I've sent a couple tickets, but no response.

I have fixed the problem in the editor. Let's hope they allow for it to be fixed in game.

Thank you for your patience.

waterrose9 · January 2014

kellnaforian wrote: »

Thank you very much! Someone else mentioned this and I ran it a few times, but could not see a problem. However, with your details, I THINK I see where the problem is. I fixed it and once we are able to publish again, I will do so.

Having the same problem, please fix again? Thx

melinden · January 2014

Waterrose: If you played the featured version of this quest then it is locked by Cryptic and that version cannot be edited. Any edits will be on the non-featured copy. Just keep that in mind once publishing is fixed.

kellnaforian · January 2014

melinden wrote: »

Waterrose: If you played the featured version of this quest then it is locked by Cryptic and that version cannot be edited. Any edits will be on the non-featured copy. Just keep that in mind once publishing is fixed.

Thank you Melinden. As of this morning, all 5 quests were up. I also took your advice and checked spelling on all dialogue in each quest. Additionally, I added quite a bit of story content and lore into quest 2 and 5.

Quest 1 is working fine in the unfeatured version. I've not heard any news on an update for the featured one. I guess the lesson learned is once you do hit the submit button, do not give in to the temptation to improve on the quest. Sad that such an easily fixable bug screwed up a project with this much time invested. Live and learn.

rescorla · January 2014

chieori wrote: »

Greetings!

Attempted to run your quest Dungeons of Mirent Tusk tonight. However, I encountered a problem in, I think last room or near last room. When I finished clearing the room, I was at "Make your way through the throne room to the Princess (2/3)". At this point, there were no more creatures I was able to find or kill to continue.

After looking around the room for a bit, I found if I walked back up on the platform at the top of the stairs coming into the room, I was put into aggro and something was hitting me. My companion disappeared into a wall nearby, in an attempt to get to it, I assume. I was unable to find it or damage it though. My companion was also unable to reach it. Not sure if an encounter got knocked under the ground there or maybe you have a trigger under there? Either case, I wasn't able to complete the quest.

I will try again tomorrow and see if it does it again.

This bug is still present as of 2 January.

kellnaforian · January 2014

rescorla wrote: »

This bug is still present as of 2 January.

In the featured version only, correct? In the unfeatured version, the final 2 mobs have now been removed completely. Only 1 left is the iron golem.

The bug was: over last weekend I completely remade the Princess room using the new dungeon builder. Everything was fine but then I added 2 sniper nodes at the bottom of the stairs. The problem is, I had them set to y=0. The room is elevated to y=41(or so). So, when they spawn, they look for a way down to the 0 level, which is through a wall...

I did test a number of times. However, AI is NOT the same in single player test mode. The archers just stood there. I also tested in live mode, but must have killed them before they reached the wall.

antonkyle · January 2014

kellnaforian wrote: »

In the featured version only, correct? In the unfeatured version, the final 2 mobs have now been removed completely. Only 1 left is the iron golem.

The bug was: over last weekend I completely remade the Princess room using the new dungeon builder. Everything was fine but then I added 2 sniper nodes at the bottom of the stairs. The problem is, I had them set to y=0. The room is elevated to y=41(or so). So, when they spawn, they look for a way down to the 0 level, which is through a wall...

I did test a number of times. However, AI is NOT the same in single player test mode. The archers just stood there. I also tested in live mode, but must have killed them before they reached the wall.

One of the downfalls of a featured quests. I wrote Elderin instead of Eladrin or something like that. An easy fix but no.. Shame really but sadly people can't be trusted.

rescorla · January 2014

kellnaforian wrote: »

In the featured version only, correct? In the unfeatured version, the final 2 mobs have now been removed completely. Only 1 left is the iron golem.

The bug was: over last weekend I completely remade the Princess room using the new dungeon builder. Everything was fine but then I added 2 sniper nodes at the bottom of the stairs. The problem is, I had them set to y=0. The room is elevated to y=41(or so). So, when they spawn, they look for a way down to the 0 level, which is through a wall...

I did test a number of times. However, AI is NOT the same in single player test mode. The archers just stood there. I also tested in live mode, but must have killed them before they reached the wall.

It was the top one listed in the Foundry for daily foundry credit.

laldarin · January 2014

You can complete it if you move to the throne room floor quickly. I got the same issue but left the room so the NPCs would respawn. Then ran back in and teleported to the floor. After that I was able to kill them all.

kellnaforian · January 2014

laldarin wrote: »

You can complete it if you move to the throne room floor quickly. I got the same issue but left the room so the NPCs would respawn. Then ran back in and teleported to the floor. After that I was able to kill them all.

You must be talking about the previously Featured version. It is no longer featured as it was not feature worthy with that bug. Half the people starting the quest had to drop it at the end because they could not complete it.

Please feel free to run the unfeatured version as well as the four quests after it. I could still use feedback on quests 2-5. Many modifications were made to quest 2 in the last couple of weeks, as well as a lot of lore was added to quest 5.

rescorla · January 2014

kellnaforian wrote: »

You must be talking about the previously Featured version. It is no longer featured as it was not feature worthy with that bug. Half the people starting the quest had to drop it at the end because they could not complete it.

Please feel free to run the unfeatured version as well as the four quests after it. I could still use feedback on quests 2-5. Many modifications were made to quest 2 in the last couple of weeks, as well as a lot of lore was added to quest 5.

I'm a new player. How do I determine which version is Featured and which one is Unfeatured? IIRC when I checked both were last updated on 5 December so they looked identical to me. Also, if one version has a known bug it in that can prevent players from finishing, wouldn't the simple solution be to just remove it from the Foundry?

kellnaforian · January 2014

rescorla wrote: »

I'm a new player. How do I determine which version is Featured and which one is Unfeatured? IIRC when I checked both were last updated on 5 December so they looked identical to me. Also, if one version has a known bug it in that can prevent players from finishing, wouldn't the simple solution be to just remove it from the Foundry?

Yes, my bugged feature quest was removed. The fixed version is still out there, but not featured.

The Featured quests will be under the featured tab. Also, it will say, on the right side, Featured Author. I think the featured quests are in red font also.

The easiest way to find my campaign at this time is to go into the "Best" tab and do a Keyword search, "Mirent". This should bring up the Campaign. Please let me know if you have any difficulty in doing so.

antonkyle · January 2014

I played the final part to this today. Most excellent.

kellnaforian · January 2014

antonkyle wrote: »

I played the final part to this today. Most excellent.

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I know you were not too excited about quest one.

Since that feedback, and feedback from others, I have gone back and made A LOT of changes to quest 1...although I am not touching Quest 1 again! I actually do not think Duke Fettington (mentioned in the "recording" in quest 5) was in Quest 1 when you played it. He now has a big role.

chieori · January 2014

Greetings kellnaforian!

I ran your quest Dungeons of Mirent Tusk today, this was my second attempt as it was bugged the first time. I had no problems during this run, it all went smoothly. Thanks for an enjoyable adventure! I'll have to make time to work on running the other parts as well

That being said, I did notice a couple minor things ...

After you speak to the cleric in PE, it gives you the "Proceed to the Dungeon Approach" objective. It does not mark or point to the city gates as where you need to go, to get to the next part. No trail either. I looked over the map in PE for a bit, thinking maybe it was a place inside PE. Then I went to the gate and saw it on the map. May cause a bit of confusion to those not familiar with the foundry. (the second time I knew to go to the gate)

Speak to the Duke on the platform - He is kneeling right in front of the chair, but when he goes away, the smoke effect and the skeleton is a bit off to the right of the chair, so looked a bit odd.

All in all, I very much enjoyed the quest, job well done

If you have a chance, please run mine Temple of the Winds - NW-DM5JFJ3UL

kellnaforian · January 2014

chieori wrote: »

Greetings kellnaforian!

I ran your quest Dungeons of Mirent Tusk today, this was my second attempt as it was bugged the first time. I had no problems during this run, it all went smoothly. Thanks for an enjoyable adventure! I'll have to make time to work on running the other parts as well

That being said, I did notice a couple minor things ...

After you speak to the cleric in PE, it gives you the "Proceed to the Dungeon Approach" objective. It does not mark or point to the city gates as where you need to go, to get to the next part. No trail either. I looked over the map in PE for a bit, thinking maybe it was a place inside PE. Then I went to the gate and saw it on the map. May cause a bit of confusion to those not familiar with the foundry. (the second time I knew to go to the gate)

Speak to the Duke on the platform - He is kneeling right in front of the chair, but when he goes away, the smoke effect and the skeleton is a bit off to the right of the chair, so looked a bit odd.

All in all, I very much enjoyed the quest, job well done

If you have a chance, please run mine Temple of the Winds - NW-DM5JFJ3UL

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I am resisting all urges to make ANY changes in Quest 1, unless they are game breaking. I learned my lesson this last week!

I have a few other Quests I am going to run tomorrow, I will certainly add yours to the list as the map making from your pictures looks exceptional.

bhayes85 · January 2014

I dont have the scroll to close the portal did i do something wrong

kellnaforian · January 2014

bhayes85 wrote: »

I dont have the scroll to close the portal did i do something wrong

The only thing I can think of that would have happened is you accidently dropped it? Sorry, looks like you will have to start it over. I've not heard that happen before.

mrmuskrat · January 2014

kellnaforian wrote: »

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I am resisting all urges to make ANY changes in Quest 1, unless they are game breaking. I learned my lesson this last week!

I have a few other Quests I am going to run tomorrow, I will certainly add yours to the list as the map making from your pictures looks exceptional.

After speaking to the cleric I was told to proceed to the Dungeon Approach. I've been to all of the gates in Neverwinter that I know of (Sleeping Dragon, Corial Street, Deekin Street and South City). The Dungeon Approach was not listed on any of them. Where am I supposed to go?

mrmuskrat · January 2014

mrmuskrat wrote: »

After speaking to the cleric I was told to proceed to the Dungeon Approach. I've been to all of the gates in Neverwinter that I know of (Sleeping Dragon, Corial Street, Deekin Street and South City). The Dungeon Approach was not listed on any of them. Where am I supposed to go?

I dropped the quest and started it again. Now it does show up. I can't explain it but at least I can proceed.

jry80 · January 2014

I am currently running quest 3, Legend of the Lady and encountered an odd problem. Spoke with the urchin to get my "map marked" and no mark, no little glowing trail, I got nothing. Been all over protector's enclave trying to find this meeting spot and so far am left with nothing more than frustration. I really like where the quest is headed and have enjoyed the first two segments very much. Any thoughts on how to find where I am supposed to go? Or on how to get my map marked properly?

melinden · January 2014

Prince Brightblade

You made a lot of improvements since the first draft, the story is much more compact and focused now. Your growing skill with the maps is also showing in the new drafts. Just a few clean up notes below.

Play through notes:

-In Milan's first conversation he says " cities and locals", I think you are going for "locales"?
-I like the addition of the OOC Stone. You need a space between "each" and "other" in one line
-Tria'Van says "Steathfuly" which I don't think is necessarily wrong (although you'll want another L in it.) I think Stealthily is more common.
-I really like the lush feeling of the first map
-in the cave room with the respawn point the scroll pile still has the default name "Scroll Pile 01" (those things are such a pain to catch)
-the high cleric's book is still "Book-Open 01"
-I really like her room
-Lexore is spelled with an E inside the book but the item has Lexor on it. I'm guessing the E is correct?
-the respawn point portal is a kind touch for players

kellnaforian · January 2014

jry80 wrote: »

I am currently running quest 3, Legend of the Lady and encountered an odd problem. Spoke with the urchin to get my "map marked" and no mark, no little glowing trail, I got nothing. Been all over protector's enclave trying to find this meeting spot and so far am left with nothing more than frustration. I really like where the quest is headed and have enjoyed the first two segments very much. Any thoughts on how to find where I am supposed to go? Or on how to get my map marked properly?

Sorry about the frustration. it is on the world map in the top northeast. X really does mark the spot! Hope you enjoy!

kellnaforian · January 2014

melinden wrote: »

Prince Brightblade

You made a lot of improvements since the first draft, the story is much more compact and focused now. You're growing skill with the maps is also showing in the new drafts. Just a few clean up notes below.

Play through notes:

-In Milan's first conversation he says " cities and locals", I think you are going for "locales"?
-I like the addition of the OOC Stone. You need a space between "each" and "other" in one line
-Tria'Van says "Steathfuly" which I don't think is necessarily wrong (although you'll want another L in it.) I think Stealthily is more common.
-I really like the lush feeling of the first map
-in the cave room with the respawn point the scroll pile still has the default name "Scroll Pile 01" (those things are such a pain to catch)
-the high cleric's book is still "Book-Open 01"
-I really like her room
-Lexore is spelled with an E inside the book but the item has Lexor on it. I'm guessing the E is correct?
-the respawn point portal is a kind touch for players

I'm really happy you enjoyed it! A lot of the changes were from ideas you gave me! Thanks for spotting all those details...UGH, I thought I had them all!

casmelak · January 2014

Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk NWS-DITF6RXSK

I was dumb and ran the featured version instead of the updated one. So...I ran the latest one and included notes in a new post.

basilisque · January 2014

Alright, I have played 'The Fable of a Monarch's Son Whose Edged Weapon Did Reflect Light Most Efficiently'.

And... Well, I don't really have much to say.
It was all-around solid, well put together and did what the OOC stone told me it set out to do. So, **** good job!
Compared to 'The Caverns of Mirent Long-Pointed-Tooth' I think the environments have gotten a lot better, although in some cases I think the magic effects and some of the more noticeable details are placed... oddly. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it looks off.

At any rate, the thing which annoyed me the most of the whole **** adventure was the fact that the last conversation with the prince kept warning me that 'SERIOUSLY MAN, SOMEONE IS GOING TO ATTACK YOU!'. I don't really think that's necessary. :P
I still have things to say about the writing, but we've discussed that before and you know my opinions of it so I shall leave it be. Although I will state (as I think that I might've not mentioned that before) that some of the characters which primarily serve simply to fill the players in on the plot could use a bit more... well, character. That is, however, easier said than done, and not really a big issue.

Final Score: A well-deserved albeit narrowly earned 5/5, and a tip.
Cheers!

kellnaforian · January 2014

basilisque wrote: »

Alright, I have played 'The Fable of a Monarch's Son Whose Edged Weapon Did Reflect Light Most Efficiently'.

And... Well, I don't really have much to say.
It was all-around solid, well put together and did what the OOC stone told me it set out to do. So, **** good job!
Compared to 'The Caverns of Mirent Long-Pointed-Tooth' I think the environments have gotten a lot better, although in some cases I think the magic effects and some of the more noticeable details are placed... oddly. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it looks off.

At any rate, the thing which annoyed me the most of the whole **** adventure was the fact that the last conversation with the prince kept warning me that 'SERIOUSLY MAN, SOMEONE IS GOING TO ATTACK YOU!'. I don't really think that's necessary. :P
I still have things to say about the writing, but we've discussed that before and you know my opinions of it so I shall leave it be. Although I will state (as I think that I might've not mentioned that before) that some of the characters which primarily serve simply to fill the players in on the plot could use a bit more... well, character. That is, however, easier said than done, and not really a big issue.

Final Score: A well-deserved albeit narrowly earned 5/5, and a tip.
Cheers!

I seriously need to consider changing the titles...yours are much more appealing!!!!

I have very mixed feelings about the attack warning as well. I have seen that in other quests and I know some appreciate knowing...but personally it spoils the immersion. I am going to nix it!

I enjoy the effects, though I would have to say that some things are exaggerated and to some will hopefully enhance the experience.

Yeah, I know I have not built up the characters so far, as they are just there to further the plot and, other than The Forgotten One, which you learn more and more about through the final 3 quests, are not mentioned again.

Additionally, to further develop the characters would, for the most part, require more dialog than I want to incorporate into the series. First and foremost, it is an action adventure with appealing environments and a storyline that allows you to learn about a powerful family and a certain Devil and Demon, from 2000 years ago. It is not intended at all to be an RP or allow for very many conversations with other NPC's. That was actually something I decided to do before I even got started as I personally wanted to play something that I could immerse myself into through the environment, enemies (skins and challenge), and where I did not have to stop often, read, and make decisions. It is definitely not for everyone.

Also, it is tough to want to provide too much information about the "main characters" (Prince, Princess etc) as 2000 years is a very very long time. In my opinion, the book you find in the royal tomb as well as all of the items you find in Quest 1, spoil some of the immersion for me as how legible is something going to be after that amount of time? I just keep telling myself that everything is penned on magic parchment +3, or something...

I am happy that you enjoyed it for what it is! I look forward to further reviews!

casmelak · January 2014

Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk NWS-DITF6RXSK

Dungeons of Mirent Tusk: NW-DNNME8N9T by @kellnaforian

Overall: I very, very much enjoy the detail and the depth of lore you've put into this. From the choices in music to the attention to little bits of detritus around the dungeon, it's very hand-crafted feeling mission. I enjoyed many of the little touches and got ideas for my own stuff.

General notes: The 'quest exit' is also the last 'history book'. Having an 'interact' on the same component as the 'map transition' can break the quest. I'd recommend having the component disappear when it's complete, and replace it with the map transition one. The 'Boss fight' music plays more than it probably needs to. During the crawl through the be-webbed tumbled-down tunnel was a little strange.

What follows are my detailed notes as well as just stream of consciousness silliness. Bear in mind that I'm just offering suggestions, you can take them with a grain of salt. I did notice a few missing apostrophes and run-ons in the dialogue, but overall it's pretty solid.

=========================

SETTING -- Protector's Enclave

++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++

N/A

++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++

Cleric of Lurue

Prompt: "What is it you require?"

"With recent geologic events, an ancient ruins was uncovered. There is a long history behind these ruins and, as it turns out, there ruins were best to have never been uncovered!

To make a VERY long story short, mere human presence in these ruins has unsettled what we believe to be an ancient curse.

Our scryers have determined that at about the same time these ruins were delved a rift to another dimension formed.

We also recently learned that a group of well equipped religious fanatics think that this is a sign of the coming of some ancient dead god, or some such."

Consider: (throwing in some synonyms can help to keep the repetition down.)

"Recent geologic events have uncovered a series of ancient ruins. As it turns out, there is a long history behind these particular ruins; and they were best never uncovered!

To make a VERY long story short; mere human presence there has [triggered | set off], what we believe to be, [a | an] [archaic | primal] curse!

Our scryers have determined that, at about the same time the ruins were delved, a rift to another dimension was formed.

There's also a group of well-equipped religious fanatics, who, we have recently learned, believe that this discovery is a sign of the coming of some ancient, dead god -- or some such."

Prompt: "A Long story short you said?"

"Right, to the point. Here is what we need.

I need you to take care of the religious fanatics that we believe may already be there."

Consider:

"Right, to the point. I need you to take care of the religious fanatics; who, we believe, may already be there."

=========================

SETTING -- Dungeon Approach (Dungeon's Approach?)

++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++

+I like the detail and the backdrop very much.

-Kinda lost with the sudden switch between, 'investigate ruins' and 'enter dungeons.' I realize that the title of the quest is 'Dungeons'. Maybe 'Approach to the Ruins' and 'enter the ruins'? After you enter, you can realize that they're dungeonous.

-Like the campsite in general, bodies, bodies, everywhere, etc. But the prefab 'campsite' model is angled such that a bunch of stuff is buried. Maybe add some barrels, crates, boots, etc on TOP of the half buried things? The tents themselves look fine, but the boots sticking out of the rock, and the half-buried cart, strike an ill note. Might be easier to just use separate tents.

=Quest trail is really desparate for me to commit suicide.

++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++

Ignacious

Prompt: "We were sent here, from Neverwinter. However, we are not at liberty to discuss our purpose with you."

Consider:

"Yes, we were sent here from Neverwinter. We are not, however, at liberty to discuss our purpose with you."

Prompt: "We were sent here, from Neverwinter. However, we are not at liberty to discuss our purpose with you."

"A Cleric and his party easily dispatched this well equipped and well trained Guard Unit."

Consider:

"A Cleric, and his party, easily dispatched this well-equipped and well-trained Guard Unit."

Prompt: "I see... You seem very insistent that we return to Neverwinter. Obviously, you know this will not happen?"

Consider: (awkward as a question)

"I see... You seem very insistent that we return to Neverwinter. You know that this won't happen, don't you?"

SETTING -- Ancient Dungeons ...

++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++

+I like the detail and the backdrop very much.

+Love the portal room and all the effects.

+Nice little hidden room!

+Like the use of the 'speed volume' to race us past the next hallway, very clever.

-ran into a wierd graphics glitch in the first hallway of the 'Ancient Dungeons' (ss attached). It ONLY shows up if you're standing dead center of the hallway, after the room with the respawn. I think it has something to do with the wall brazier in the foreground. In any case, it's probably just a Cryptic bug you can't do anything about. Just figured I'd let you know.

-I listened to the religious fanatics and all I got was this lousy interactable portcullis

-I like all the named enemies. But they make the one 'Cleric of the lost god' guy an odd man out.

-Do the princess and the king really have the same name? I guess 'Mirent' works, maybe better, for a girls name. Maybe that's why the King went aggro? Boy named Sue syndrome.

-Boss type music playing while I'm crawling over rubble. Disconcerting.

++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++

Duke Fettington:

"I've no idea of the time, nor this place anymore.

Many years ago, I betrayed my beloved Niece, Princess Mirent Tusk.

She came to me desparate, seeking quarter from her mad Father, my half-brother, King Mirent Tusk.

...

Then he turned to me and I knew that my time had come as well, at the hands of the Beast that King Mirent Tusk had become."

Consider: (might come off as odd that he says he doesn't have a sense of time but uses a specific metric 'years'. I also don't think that 'Niece' and 'Father' need to be capitalized.)

"I've no idea of the time, nor this place anymore.

Before my death, I betrayed my beloved niece, Princess Mirent Tusk.

She came to me desperate, seeking quarter from her mad father, my half-brother, King Mirent Tusk.

...

Then he turned to me, and I knew that my time had come as well; at the hands of the Beast that King Mirent Tusk had become."

Princess Mirent Tusk's Diary

"While she was beautiful, she could have followed in her fathers footsteps as an accomplished warrior as she had the size and strength from her fathers side.

However, she chose to pursue the mystical arts that was prevalent in her mothers side.

Under the tutelage of the most powerful of the arts, including her Uncle, Duke Fettington and a Draven Darkbane she learned quickly and was an accomplished mage at a relatively young age."

Consider: (singular possessive, "father's, mother's")

"While she was beautiful, she could have followed in her father's footsteps as an accomplished warrior; as she had the size and strength from his side.

However, she chose to pursue the mystical arts more common on her mother's side.

Under the tutelage of some of the most powerful practitioners, -- including her Uncle, Duke Fettington, and a Draven Darkbane -- she learned quickly, and became an accomplished mage while still relatively young."

Objective: "Find the portal room"

Didn't the cleric call it a rift? Maybe 'find the rift'?

Memoirs of Duke Fettington

"Childhood friends, fellow adventurer, and a steadfast supporter. The Duke ruled over a large and populated kingdom second only to the King himself.

Duke Fettington was a powerful Conjurer and his summoning room was where he spent a lot of his time in his pursuits.

When King Mirent Tusk was possessed, the Duke was one of the first to understand exactly what happened through summoning a Balor by the name of 'Scourge'.

Fearing for his Nieces safety during The Kingdom Wars, later to be called The Possession Wars, he secretively took her in.

When the King discovered what his half-brother had done, he demanded her to be turned over."

Consider:

"As a childhood friend, fellow adventurer, and steadfast supporter of the King, the Duke ruled over a large and populated kingdom; second only to the King himself.

Duke Fettington was also a powerful Conjurer, and spent a lot of his time in his summoning room in his mystic pursuits.

When King Mirent Tusk was possessed, the Duke was one of the first to understand what had happened; having learned of the details in summoning a Balor by the name of 'Scourge'.

During The Kingdom Wars, -- later to be called The Possession Wars -- fearing for his niece's safety, he secretly took her in."

Hidden Map (Press x to interact)

"This looks like a well preserved map and shows major points of interest over 2000 years ago!"

Consider:

"This looks like a well preserved map which shows major points of interest from over 2000 years ago!"

Final historical book (Press x to interact)

"This looks to have been written after the Princess died over 2000 years ago. It tells of a Great King, by the name of Mirent Tusk, rise to power, rulership, and almost fanatical worship by the subjects of his kingdom. It also goes on to describe his fall, his demonic possession and the horrid murder of his Wife, Son, and Daughter by his own hands."

Consider:

"This appears to have been written over 2000 years ago, after the Princess died. It tells of a Great King, by the name of Mirent Tusk; his rise to power, rulership, and how he obtained the, almost fanatical, worship of his subjects. It also goes on to describe his fall; his demonic possession, and the horrid murder of his wife, son, and daughter by his own hands."

kellnaforian · January 2014

Seriously...good...stuff! Thank you!!! I will consider sending you all of the dialog before publishing now (kidding)! I have a good imagination, but my writing skills are lacking! This is really great.

I will go in an make changes, obviously to the unfeatured version, this evening.

Lands of Mirent Tusk - Please review

Comments