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Lands of Mirent Tusk - Please review

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  • casmelakcasmelak Member Posts: 89 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Seriously...good...stuff! Thank you!!! I will consider sending you all of the dialog before publishing now (kidding)! I have a good imagination, but my writing skills are lacking! This is really great.

    I will go in an make changes, obviously to the unfeatured version, this evening.

    I have considered offering a copy-editing service for AD. Then realized that I'd much rather just trade reviews. I want people to be very critical and honest in their feedback. I figure if I offer detailed feedback I'll either get people to reciprocate out of a desire to be helpful, or out of spite. Either way I win!
  • kellnaforiankellnaforian Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    casmelak wrote: »
    I have considered offering a copy-editing service for AD. Then realized that I'd much rather just trade reviews. I want people to be very critical and honest in their feedback. I figure if I offer detailed feedback I'll either get people to reciprocate out of a desire to be helpful, or out of spite. Either way I win!

    I'll definately run yours and I'll be honest in my feedback. Although, I enjoy a variety of content and understand that there are a multitude of ways to tell a story and paint a picture.
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk
    NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified

    Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
    Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
    Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
    Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
    Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
  • casmelakcasmelak Member Posts: 89 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk NWS-DITF6RXSK

    The Legend of Prince Brightblade: NW-DURWIY64X by @kellnaforian

    Overall: I liked this one more than the first. Partly because I had more of an idea about what was going on. Also, I thought that the environments, in general, were both cleaner and more detailed at the same time. The extent to which both the story, and the combat, were optional was good as well.

    General: Same disclaimer as last time. Rambling...grain of salt...all that.


    =========================

    SETTING -- Protector's Enclave

    ++++++++++++++++
    Details
    ++++++++++++++++

    N/A


    ++++++++++++++++
    Dialogue
    ++++++++++++++++


    Cleric of Lurue

    Prompt: "Again, with all due respect Cleric, brief?"

    "Well, the maps you recovered were very useful and costly, unfortunately.

    ...

    Three Scryers, sadly, were able to break through the ward momentarily to learn that there was in fact another portal."

    Consider: (Not sure what context 'costly' is intended for...useful BUT costly? gonna go with that. {valuable might also work... but change the meaning})

    "Well, the maps you recovered were very useful, but very costly, unfortunately.

    ...

    Three Scryers were, sadly, able to break through the ward with some effort. Only to learn that there was, in fact, another portal."


    Prompt: "Umm, Cleric, why 'sadly'?"

    "Well, I was there to witness. The look of absolute fear on their faces when they confirmed that there was in fact a portal.

    Out Senior Scryer was able to also mention something about something very powerful...

    I know no other way to explain other than saying all three of their heads imploded!"

    Consider:

    "I was there to witness, first hand, the looks of [naked fear | abject horror | stark terror] on their faces when they confirmed that there was, in fact, another rift.

    Out Senior Scryer was starting to say something about a very powerful being or artifact...right before...

    I know of no other way to describe it... short of saying that all three of their heads imploded!"


    Prompt: "Imploded? How could that happen?"

    "Now, the Senior Scryers Nephew is a Captain in the City Guard.

    ...

    He gathered a group of his former Companions and set off immediately to discover what happened and to seek vengeance."

    Consider: (nephew doesn't need a capital here, neither does captain, unless he was The Captain. Companions doesn't really need it either unless the name of his adventuring group was 'something Companions' of 'Companions of something'. I'll let it alone, though.)

    "Now, the Senior Scryers nephew is a captain of the City Guard.

    ...

    He gathered a group of his former Companions and they set off, immediately, to discover what had happened; and to seek vengeance."


    Prompt: "So, what do you need me for?"

    "While they are well experienced, your help in this matter would be quite valuable."

    Consider: (maybe reduce the lead they have by a several days? a couple weeks is a HUGE lead.)

    "While they are well experienced, your help in this matter could prove to be quite valuable."


    Prompt: "I'll set off immediately and help this Captain Vargo the Unyielding that I am not allowed to ask more question about."

    Consider:

    "I'll set off immediately to help this Captain Vargo the Unyielding. Who I am, evidently, not allowed to ask more questions about."



    SETTING -- The Sinking Mire

    ++++++++++++++++
    Details
    ++++++++++++++++

    +Oooh, like the details in the setting.
    +Love the swampiness.
    +Nice ruins!



    -Oh noes, invis-walls up in my explory-place!
    -Not sure there's much you can do about it, but the round tent looks awfully short for these guys.

    -Not sure how much is custom, but love the mushrooms and the waterfall.

    =Sure enough...thar be trolls here captain.
    =yessir...that's a big cave.

    ++++++++++++++++
    Dialogue
    ++++++++++++++++

    Tria'Van

    "Hail! Please come speak with me."

    Consider: ("Let's eat, grandma!" vs. "Let's eat grandma!")

    "Hail! Please, come, speak with me."


    Prompt: "Please, tell me exactly what happened"

    "We came upon a cave within the ruins and found an opportunity to quietly make our way in.

    ...

    It seems, that whatever is controlling these creatures is amassing an army of Orcs, Goblins, Trolls and the like."

    Consider:

    "We came upon a cave within the ruins and, therein, found an opportunity to quietly make it around the patrols.

    ...

    It seems that, whatever is controlling these creatures, is amassing an army of Orcs, Goblins, Trolls, and other beasts of the like."



    Prompt: "How did you make it out?"

    "Stealthily, I escaped and made my way further into the caves. I came upon an ancient crypt and made my way further in. I discovered a portal and decided that moving forward was my only option. No sooner did I step through the portal then I was overwhelmed with Undead. To make a long story short, I used all of my abilities to escape from the crypts and caves. Here I am now. Badly wounded."

    Consider:

    "Stealthily. I fled the battle and made my way further into the caves. I happened upon an ancient crypt; within which I discovered a portal. I decided that moving forward was my only option, and so I took it. Well, it was no sooner than stepping through the portal that I was overwhelmed by Undead. In short, I had to use all of my abilities, and catch a few lucky breaks, to escape. Here I am, now, and am badly wounded."


    Prompt: "It seems that something very powerful is amassing an army... Rest here and I will move ahead and learn what I may."

    Consider:

    "It seems that something very powerful is assembling an army... Rest here. I will scout ahead and learn what I may."


    SETTING -- Ruins of Price B...

    ++++++++++++++++
    Details
    ++++++++++++++++

    +Yup...cavey
    +Oooh! Glowy fish!
    +Nice use of the split-level cavern. I use this in my side-quest for the second part of my campaign. We can share, right?

    -Ehh..where'd the water go?

    =hidden books are good-times.
    =Why is the glowy trail always trying to make me jump off cliffs? Did I insult it's sister?

    =I seeeee you weird stairway to nothingness!
    =Weird open maw in the wall looks...indecent.
    =Poor, lonely, dejected troll runt.

    -So... up till now everything has been pretty well detailed and looks good. The little platform with the portal is a counter-point to that. I was expecting to see some conjuring detritus and ritual remnants.

    -The waterfall on the other side of the portal is coming from mid-air. See what happens if you put it up a ways higher.

    +Ooh, like the central chamber with all the glowy effects. Very nice use of this room. I like the patrols and the layout.

    -I want to be able to interact with the body on the alter...

    +Nice red glow behind the death-statue with glowy red eyes!

    -******...I think you decorated this room better than I did...

    +Very nice effects on the fight with Vargo & Co

    +Nice little carved-out study.

    -The woodstove seems strangely angled.

    -I want to interact with the bookcase.

    +Interesting portals you have there. Back to respawn doesn't appeal to me much, but I can see the value.

    -Funny. The 'Forgotten One' is afraid of a little combat? Maybe set him to 'contact ignore all'?

    +VERY interesting effects on the 'blood fountain'. NO idea how that was accomplished.

    +I very much appreciate being able to split up the demon encounters.

    +The interior area for the final fight seems entirely custom. If so, great job! If not...still great job!

    ++++++++++++++++
    Dialogue
    ++++++++++++++++

    A couple of letters:

    "If your messengers have an unfortunate accident and my Clerics can utilize them, will that not contribute to His cause?"

    Consider:

    "If your messengers have an unfortunate accident, and my Clerics can utilize them, does that not contribute to His cause?"


    Vargo's Spirit:

    "Avenge my Uncle, My Friends. Avenge, Me."

    Consider:

    "Avenge my uncle; avenge my friends. Avenge... Me."


    Prompt: "I will do my best."

    "Though I did sense a great and powerful evil. Within this evil something benevolent seemed to be struggling to break free.

    ...


    There is a portal in the High Necro-Clerics room behind me."

    Consider:

    "Though I did sense a great, and powerful evil; within this evil, something... benevolent... seemed to be struggling to break free.

    ...


    There is a portal in the High Necro-Clerics room, behind me."


    The Life of Prince Brightblade

    "Prince Brightblade was your typical fairy tale Prince. Handsome, intelligent, strong, and fair.

    The Kingdom loved their Prince and their Prince loved the Kingdom.

    Prince Mirent Tusk was also an adventurer. His travels had him sailing the oceans and delving the deepest caverns.

    Not only was the Prince well thought of in his human kingdom, but he was an honorary citizen of a large Dwarven kingdom where he met his lifelong friend and adventuring companion, Hunvar.

    It was during the Duergar and Drow wars that the Prince put to practice much of his childhood schooling in warcraft.

    It was the Prince and his companions (Hunvar and Lexore the Mage) that organized and trained the citizens to wage ware upon his father in the Kingdom Wars, later to be called The Possession Wars.

    In a climactic battle the Prince, with his famous white glowing sword, thought he slew his father...only to realize, while taking his own last breath, that his father was now immortal."

    Consider: (that's a mouthful...)

    "Prince Brightblade was your typical fairy-tale Prince: handsome, intelligent, strong, and fair.

    The Kingdom loved their Prince, and their Prince loved the Kingdom.

    Prince Mirent Tusk was also an adventurer. His travels had him sailing the vast oceans and delving the deepest caverns.

    Not only was the Prince well thought of in his human kingdom, he was also an honorary citizen of a large Dwarven kingdom. There he met his lifelong friend, and adventuring companion, Hunvar.

    It was during the Duergar and Drow wars that the Prince put to practice much of his childhood schooling in warcraft.

    It was the Prince and his companions -- Hunvar and Lexore the Mage -- who organized and trained the citizens to wage ware upon his father during the Kingdom Wars; later known as The Possession Wars.

    In a climactic, final battle the Prince, with his famous, white, glowing sword, thought that he slew his father. Only to realize, while taking his own last breath, that his father was now immortal."



    The Forgotten One:

    "I've been expecting you and hoping you would not keep me waiting much longer."

    Consider:

    "I've been expecting you, and, hoping you would not keep me waiting much longer."


    Prompt: "I can only assume you are the one they are calling The Forgotten One? Another Demon for me to send back to its home?"

    Consider:

    "I can only assume that you are the one they call 'The Forgotten One'? Just another demon for me to send back to it's home"




    Prince Mirent Tusk:

    Prompt: "You are Prince Mirent Tusk?"

    "Once, long ago I was known by this name as well as Prince Brightblade."

    Consider:

    "Once, long ago, I was known by this name; as well as Prince Brightblade."


    Prompt: "I do not understand?"

    "My father took all that when he murdered my mother, my sister, my companions. I am sorry for what I MUST do. I am compelled and I can resist no longer."

    Consider:

    "My father; he took all of that when he murdered my mother... my sister... my companions. I am sorry for what I MUST do. I am compelled... I can resist no longer."
  • kellnaforiankellnaforian Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    More great feedback! Thank you!

    The woodstove's pipe is angled oddly and not very long. I'm not the happiest with it either, but it will suffice.

    I think you missed one book. :)

    Yes, the glow trails are a bit trickier due to 3 areas within 1 map. I'll try to iron that out though.

    With respect to the "disappearing" water. If you notice, from the start of the cave through to the Orc/Goblin area it is on an incline. The water stops at the blue shrooms. I wanted falling and dieing to be part of the challenge.

    The portals are not "ancient". They were added by the current residents.

    The interior area for the final fight is all custom. That alone was about 20 hours of work...

    The blood fountain effect, which I use again in chapter 5, is a lava burst (cant remember the exact name).

    My plans for the campaign moving forward are to continue to polish, particularly with the writing and to try and take some cheese factor out of the writing. I also want to clean up some of the quest objectives and labeling. I am also contemplating adding a higher challenge level for 2 players, or those that like to solo hard content.

    I'm then planning a 2nd campaign of 2-3 quests. This will start where the first campaign left off. However, I am going to try to make it understandable for those that did not play the 1st. It will focus on 2 of the characters from the 1st campaign.
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk
    NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified

    Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
    Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
    Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
    Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
    Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
  • casmelakcasmelak Member Posts: 89 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Yes, the glow trails are a bit trickier due to 3 areas within 1 map. I'll try to iron that out though.

    Meh, I don't actually care. Was just making an amused aside. It happens a lot, particularly in maps that have cliffs. I think the trail uses Apple maps.
    With respect to the "disappearing" water. If you notice, from the start of the cave through to the Orc/Goblin area it is on an incline. The water stops at the blue shrooms. I wanted falling and dieing to be part of the challenge.

    Yeah, it wasn't something that I found to be an issue so much as an observation of the transition.
    The portals are not "ancient". They were added by the current residents.

    I guess I was expecting some evidence of the magic it took to put it there. It seemed like a very purposeful placement, and a nice open space for a ritual or something to perform the necessary prestidigitations.
    The interior area for the final fight is all custom. That alone was about 20 hours of work...

    Yeah, wow. I could tell by the alternating floor tiles. It looks really good.
    The blood fountain effect, which I use again in chapter 5, is a lava burst (cant remember the exact name).

    I think that it was actually the 'magic shield' effect that you were using on the level above. The effect I was noting was the 'fast moving clouds' look. It very much looks like the liquid has a projector behind it showing time-lapse storm clouds. It's very cool-looking.
  • viktarviktar Member Posts: 3 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Edited: Figured out my question.

    Awesome quests!
  • ladykathleen55ladykathleen55 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 34
    edited January 2014
    I am adding you to my list of quests to run.
    Lady Kathleen
    Newest Campaign: Enchanted Village NWS-DHNQ9PS99
    Act I Find Lady Kathleen NW-DKZBMOPOY

    Old Champaign: Enchanted Castle: NWS-DCPHMJS4W.
    Act I Enchanted Castle NW-DU7IXVVDR
    Act II Home invasion NW-DJTJO4I5P


    Author @ladykathleen55
    Reviews and Comments always welcome!
  • magnaangemon01magnaangemon01 Member Posts: 51 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    This is one of my most favorite Foundry questlines so far. I want to play again, but at 50, everything hits like mach trucks, so will probably have to wait til 60 and some gear to play again.
  • kellnaforiankellnaforian Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    This is one of my most favorite Foundry questlines so far. I want to play again, but at 50, everything hits like mach trucks, so will probably have to wait til 60 and some gear to play again.

    Thank you for playing and taking the time to post here!

    I have heard that 50-60 is tough, without very good gear or playing with someone else.

    The reason I made the challenge at the level it is, is that while I enjoyed the Crpytic content that I have experienced, there seems to be no middle of the road challenge level. The solo dungeons and quests, except in rare instances, provide very little enemy challenge. It then jumps to the dungeons that require a party of people to accomplish.

    While 50-60 is challenge, again without the better gear, it can still be soloed, but may require many more healing potions than most would like to use. Additionally, a lot of the challenging fights require you to pull some mobs in certain directions to make it easier.

    For example, a fight that I personally feel is challenging in a straight on approach is the Prince encounter in Quest 2. However, if you go to the top of the stairs and jump to the left and pull Hunvar the dwarf, alone, it makes the rest easier. You could also, after finishing the dwarf, do the same on the right side with Lexore. That will then leave the prince alone to fight.
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk
    NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified

    Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
    Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
    Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
    Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
    Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
  • valdarezcalderonvaldarezcalderon Member Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited April 2014
    Sorry about the frustration. it is on the world map in the top northeast. X really does mark the spot! Hope you enjoy!

    This really needs to be fixed. Unlike other quests there's no trail to follow after talking with the first NPC. I had to google and then read your response to figure out where to go. Unnecessarily frustrating. Good quest/story after that, though I did run into one other issue at the end / boss fight.

    One of the final chars spawned behind the bricks. I couldn't figure out what to do next for a few seconds and why I was randomly being hit by something. Finally turned the screen just right and found the last enemy. See how it's stuck inside/behind that stone? Here's a screenshot:

    1024x640.resizedimage
  • magnaangemon01magnaangemon01 Member Posts: 51 Arc User
    edited May 2015
    About a year or so ago, I played this on an old character. I went to do it again, and now I can't find the rest of the campaign, just the first adventure. Did you take them down? Were they removed? What happened?
  • melindenmelinden Member Posts: 619 Arc User
    edited May 2015
    I haven't seen or heard from Kellnaforian in over a year. It is possible the quests were broken by a new mod and removed, or he removed them, or he deleted his account. Without being able to ask him directly there is no way to know for sure.
    Find me in game with @DoctorBadger
    (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
  • magnaangemon01magnaangemon01 Member Posts: 51 Arc User
    edited May 2015
    In the quest in the Foundry, it says it was edited April 9th of this year. Was just wondering if he took them down to work on them or not.
  • melindenmelinden Member Posts: 619 Arc User
    edited May 2015
    All foundries have to be republished when a new Module comes out. That was likely the republish date. I used to see and talk to the author on all the time (he is on my friends list) and I have not seen even a glimmer of a log in for a year.
    Find me in game with @DoctorBadger
    (Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
  • magnaangemon01magnaangemon01 Member Posts: 51 Arc User
    edited May 2015
    Ah. What a shame. This was a really good questline.
  • kellnaforiankellnaforian Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    edited September 2015
    It's been a long time! It's fall again and I am poking around to see what's happening in NWN Online. Looks like Foundry has not changed in over a year, sadly. I had hoped in this time to see some enhancements. Alas, it was not to be! :( Fortunately, it is a wonderful tool as is.

    I've republished the series, but am not sure if the Foundry's are played as much anymore?

    I'm toying with the idea of starting another Quest, but would like to know from other Foundry Folks if it is even possible to publish and expect the work to be seen with such low audience numbers to get it anywhere on the play list to be seen?
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk
    NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified

    Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
    Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
    Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
    Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
    Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
  • kellnaforiankellnaforian Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    Well the lack of response in these once hopping forums is a good indication of the state of the Foundry. As is about 4 or 5 reviews in my campaign in the last 24 hours. It's in the top 10 and about number 6...if you take out the redundant/multiple (Tired, Clash, and Whispers - all very good BTW) ones in the top 10 and for goodness sakes a player made 0 minute community review so people don't even need to run a legit Foundry?

    With the "Community Review" receiving 15,000 positive reviews...there is absolutely no reason for people to bother playing the Foundry, much less sifting through the 100's of VERY WELL MADE modules. If I am completely off base with what the Community Review is, I apologize. When I see 0 minutes, I assume there is no content to speak of.

    It is still fun to build. However, I build so players can play and hopefully enjoy what they are playing. If there is no audience...the appeal of spending many-many hours making something loses it's appeal. I also have to wonder, with the lack of anything from the Development team, how long I would even be able to play my own modules should they opt to completely yank it out.

    I'll keep an eye on it...but this is disheartening. Need to search for another Game Builder to appease my craving for building something this fall! :smiley:
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk
    NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified

    Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
    Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
    Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
    Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
    Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
  • valcontar73valcontar73 Member Posts: 337 Arc User
    Look for Sword Coast Legends, I think the possibilities there are infinite.

    At first look, you will think that is very limited, but I can assure you it's not.
    NWS-DLXTNXRF2 - Angeline von Stein
    NWS-DOVA9JIJV - The Lost Seneschal
    NW-DT3221YUY - The Wildcross Bride

    Foundry Grand Master.
  • kellnaforiankellnaforian Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    edited October 2015
    =

    Look for Sword Coast Legends, I think the possibilities there are infinite.

    At first look, you will think that is very limited, but I can assure you it's not.

    Thanks Valcontar. I played around with SCL this weekend.

    After about 15+ hours in the toolset, at this stage, I do think it is more limited than this current Neverwinter toolsetand much more limited than the Aurora toolset in the original NWN.

    Positives:
    Monster creation - ability mixing, level scaling, and elite / non-elite status. These functions are far better than this rendition of NWN, but not the original NWN. However, SCL is much easier to use than the original NWN. This type of system would take the NWN Online foundry toolset from great to amazing.

    Negatives:
    Level design seems limited to an automated randomized dungeon creator. This current rendition of NWN is far superior. Even the former NWN toolset allowed more level design creativity.

    Quest design seems limited due to text limits.

    I am not saying I am not enjoying myself in SCL, just that it does seem limited. However, it is new and I am sure much will be added over the next year. I also have a lot to learn.

    I did publish a quest...so we'll see if it gets any traffic. There seemed to be 100's already published and many sitting at 0...
    Post edited by kellnaforian on
    Campaign: Lands of Mirent Tusk
    NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified

    Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
    Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
    Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
    Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
    Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
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