Review trading - Pallisade's Horror

hflord1 · May 2013

If you run/review mine, I'll run/review yours. This is my newest one and am most proud of the village. Please let me know what you think.

Pallisade's Horror
NW-DONEPB9CK
Duration 15-20 minutes.
Solo yes
Story mostly, some combat, esp. in the cave.
Fast run.

vaelic · May 2013

added to my review queue! here is my info:

Campaign Name: CH. 1 - Don't "Count" on it by @vaelic76

Short Code:NW-DQ3H4MXKG
Mission Type: Story/Mystery/Combat
Average Duration:15-20 minutes
Amount of Combat: Average
Starts at: Protector's Enclave
Mission Summary: A mysterious figure called "The Count" is rumored to dwell within the city of Protector's Enclave. Does this mysterious figure exist? Embark on an adventure where nothing is as it seems and the mystery unravels!

Direct Links:
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/vizionblind/Foundry1_zps5e94d9b0.jpg
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/vizionblind/foundry2_zps4c201571.jpg

*SPECIAL NOTE: should the window pop-up asking you to review/rate dissapear (known bug if you move when it pops up), type this command to bring it back: /ugcshowreviewgen

hflord1 · May 2013

Vaelic, ran yours. Left good comments behind. Only critique is on the decor in the sewer. Most of the hallways seem bland, though I did love the water drips from the overhead sewerpipes. The combat was nice, though I would have hated it on my guardian, with the rogue it was smooth and quick.

hflord1 · May 2013

Anybody else? I'm super proud of the village I made, would love to show it off.

chinspinner · May 2013

I think I did, have you got two threads? Left detailed review somewhere...? <scratches head>

voivodak · May 2013

Hey mate, my quest is in sign and i'd be happy to trade a review with you. I'll be able to play yours only tonight, but be sure that i will do it

hflord1 · May 2013

Chinspinner, this is a new one. Just finished it this morning. voivodak, I'll run yours in just a minute.

nezroy123 · May 2013

Hi there hflord; ran your quest. Potential spoilers in this detailed review/feedback for anyone else reading

Summary: Promising story idea and the map has a lot of potential, but the environment and details need a LOT of love and attention to bring it to a polished state.

Pre-analysis encouragement: The story is promising and the basic idea and layout for the map is solid. The overall quest flow works well and will make for an interesting adventure once the detail issues are worked out. The combat pacing was good and the combat encounters were balanced (lvl 60 T2 GF). None of the combat was particularly novel but I don't think that's the intent here so it works well within the framework. The NPC/costume design was all well done and seemed mostly original.

Point-by-point analysis, mostly chronological to quest/story progress:

On the very first quest objective, consider changing it to "Travel To Pallisade Village" so it's clear it's a world map transition. For that matter, the noun "palisade" only has one L. Don't know if the village name is intentionally spelled differently or not.

Also consider renaming the travel marker to "Pallisade Village" instead of "village, Pallisade". For that matter, all references to the village name should be consistent, and grammatically speaking should probably be "Pallisade Village" or just "Pallisade" in all cases.

The backdrop layering is out of order... you have a distant hill layer and a tree layer, but the tree layer needs to be in front of the hill layer. Currently it is behind the hill.

The direction/road-sign at the entrance could not be inspected (out of line of sight).

Consider leaving house doors locked/inaccessible until the necessary quest objectives exist (e.g. use multiple doors with appear/disappear). They sparkle tantalizingly and I'm not a big fan of being able to randomly wander into people's houses until necessary.

The idea of having an entire constructed village is neat; I like the house under construction, and the overall feel of the village is promising. However there are a ton of alignment/gap issues on the house walls, interiors, and rooflines that need to be addressed. Just about every single house has multiple seam and joint issues with the pieces you are using. You will need to do a lot of tweaking and add a ton of detail objects (wood beams, etc.) to help hide seams, cover gaps, and so on. Also, when placing two wall elements that overlap, change their common position slightly (by 0.01) to prevent z-fighting in the overlapping texture areas.

In addition, the interiors of most houses are way too dark. Need a lot more interior lighting in those areas, and just more "lived in" detail objects as well.

The fence along the main road I think is a bit too dominant. I would try lowering it into the ground about half-way so that it feels more like a path/garden fence.

The basic village layout is good with the road, NPC placement, etc. But as with the interiors, it just needs a lot more polish with alignment, lighting, and small detail objects to really kick it up.

The surrounding fog is a neat idea but it needs more oomph. Especially when looking east and north (toward the direction you enter from) the fog feels quite anemic and overall those areas just look very empty (and not in a thematically barren way, just... empty). Generally speaking just need more "something" in the mid distance. Trees, fog, something.

Along those lines, it seems odd that there is no fence or palisade around the exterior perimeter of the village (especially considering the village name!). In the theme of the village it would make sense to have a half-built/under-construction fence or SOMEthing around the outside.

The spider web by the guardian spider/herb objective needs a lot of love. It's just a single cylindrical web; it needs to be a web/nest between trees with a lot more organic feeling going on.

Consider adding a back-door to the town hall containing the magister so that when leaving/returning from fetching the herb to the south there is a direct access point.

Alilove somehow reverse her sleeping direction during her dialog, which is kinda odd. Also her kneeling on the bed doesn't work well at all. Try the sitting animation that has them with legs laid out on the ground and back leaning against something, it would probably look a lot more natural in this case.

The shadow hounds before talking to alilove are out of place and kind of "sudden" in a jarring way. If it were my quest I would change this up to have the shadow hounds spawn after you give her the herb. Once defeated you would then have a follow-up dialogue with her; it would make more sense that it is directly related to the herb/her dreams/condition that way.

In the follow up right after talking to the magister again, there are shadow hounds that begin attacking Simon Porter long before I get anywhere near the church building. You should wait to spawn these until the player actually enters the church.

In the conversation with the bartender, you really need to find a story mechanism to get the information from him that does not involve pretending to pay 1 gold coin. It's simply too jarring a conflict with the real gold currency we have.

For the "Gypsy Camp"... is Gypsy a valid D&D faction? I don't know enough D&D lore but consider looking into finding something more D&D-ish. I'm sure there must be an equivalent thematic group in the lore somewhere.

The wilderness around the cave, and the cave entrance itself, is quite bland. The cave entrance clips oddly into the rock formation it's attached to, which itself just seems really odd and out of place. Need a lot more wilderness detail out here and natural terrain for the cave entrance.

The initial cave room (immediately after entrance) is large, empty, and dark.

The first crypt room has some good elements but it needs a lot more detail. With the intrusion of large rocks, etc. that you've already added implying it's an old crypt, it needs a lot more cracks, rubble, vines/moss/plants, etc. to give it a ruined feel.

The area immediately following the crypt, that has a wooden bridge, is WAY too dark. Make sure you have properly calibrated your in-game brightness (ESC -> Options -> Video -> Brightness Calibration Screen). Also the wooden bridge is not aligned well with the path height.

The hall following this section might be neat, I have no idea, it was totally pitch black in there. I think I vaguely picked out a few arches.

The cave with water/blue crystals is a great start, and I like the basic elements and theme going on there. Needs a lot more detail work, especially down in the water area. Add more of the crystals down there as well and just more cave detail (drips, smaller rubble, cracks, etc.) I'd probably avoid anything green/alive, I like the dead/gray/blue theme going on there, but it's just all too spartan.

The final boss fight could use a lot more love. First off, there was absolutely no detail or elements there that made me think I was actually stopping a ritual of any kind. No effects, no altar, nothing. Definitely need to dress up that whole area and fight a lot more to give it the appropriate level of gravitas for what is supposed to be happening story-wise at that point.

The final treasure chest spawned in the floor. I was still able to click it but only just as the lid was barely showing.

I don't really like the "click anywhere to exit" method of leaving the map. This is more of a personal opinion thing but I would prefer to see an actual physical exit that you use, as this would be much more consistent with the existing Cryptic content.

Text/typo issues:

First thing I will mention here is that I am not a fan, at all, of excessive use of DM text. Or really ANY use of DM text. I feel it should be used sparingly, if at all. I don't like when people re-describe the person I can already see right in front of me with the dialog, and I don't like when they try to tell me the tone/emotional state of the person either. The dialogue view/animations should convey most important visual detail and the dialogue text itself should convey all the tone/emotion I need. Show, don't tell. However, this is a personal opinion; lots of people don't agree with this and have no problem with a lot of DM text so, take with grain of salt.

Anyway, typo/grammar corrections in editorial []

magister:
"my summons has been answered[,] yes?"
"then we are greatful [grateful]"
"the villages [village's] draft horse"
"he's not so sure anymore than [that] this is"

alilove:
"help the very sick woman imbib [imbibe] the tea"
"meekly at first, than [then] almost instantly"

tobias:
"wierd [weird] noises"

nezroy123 · May 2013

Oh, one last thing I forgot to mention. The use of white vs. yellow dialogue responses seemed inconsistent. If there was a system to it, I was not able to figure out what it was.

hflord1 · May 2013

voivodak -
*The fights are all hard it seems. I would reduce them. Rihgt now I've spent more in potions here (ran out) than I'm going to recoup. Don't want to do foundries to loose money.
*Maps are great. Normally people need a lot more detail, you seem to have a fair amount.
* Mobs are done really well (other than every fight is hard) - great names and costumes.

visceralrevolt · May 2013

I will gladly trade reviews with you. Adding yours to my queue. Here's mine: http://tinyurl.com/NW-DTNZTFYDS

hflord1 · May 2013

nezroy123 - thank you very much for all of your input. I will look into all of it right now. My only retort with the first map is that I ran out of details to use, so cannot spruce up the forest much or add any defenses to the village, though I will see what I can reconfigure. I greatly appreciate your input though as it will help me dramatically in making this a great adventure.

hflord1 · May 2013

visceralrevolt left a short review under your quest.

visceralrevolt · May 2013

Thanks, appreciated!

As for Pallisade's Horror:

Love the attention to detail, with fully functional buildings, villagers building homes, the guard with the lantern, and the like. The gypsy camp was charming, too.
That said, I did find a couple of pathways that just break at the end with no proper ending near the well.
Dialogue is well fleshed out, both relevant and interesting.
Great use of fog for atmosphere, especially when the spiders unleashed.
The herb should disappear after you pick it, in my opinion.
Plop a dynamic light inside the fireplace in the tavern to make a world of improvement the atmosphere.
You appear to have used goblins for shadow wolves. The voices are a bit grating when they start doing combat dialogue...
"Tyler James Conway" appears to be female.
"Enter the cave and..." quest text feels clumsy.
Liked the cave layout, interesting areas to explore.
The statue lights were a GREAT move, but some of them appeared to be unfortunately embedded in doorframes, many of which had Cryptic holes in which should be covered.
"Lettre from..." typo.
Quest reward chest is almost entirely sunk into rock, needs to be moved a bit higher as it can be hard to click on.

Over all, very well crafted and I really enjoyed it. Had a great Lovecraft vibe going on.

hflord1 · May 2013

Thanks, I fixed many of the issues you pointed out. Some I cannot til my foundry un-bugs itself.

mrthebozer · May 2013

Hey hflord,

(possible spoilers for the rest of you - look away. Nothing to see here)
Just finished my run of Pallisade - a lot of my thoughts echo nezroy here. Your village is a very ambitious idea, your story is solid, and your combat is fun, but there is an overall sense of a lack of polish. There are walkmesh and alignment issues, and the final room, which the whole adventure leads up to, is disappointingly generic compared to the rest of your quest. Overall, some more time spent in 3d mode would go a long way.

I'll skip issues previously posted - I do have a few additional typos to add, however:

1) in the quest overview: "underneith" should be "underneath"
2)Alilove Fletcher (PC dialogue): Speak "sinse" should be speak "sense" - (I may have imagined this)
3) Kaveak - "stiffles" should be "stifles"
4) Doomguide - I'd best not "waist" time should be "waste"
5) Gypsy - you have to determine who would "benifit" should be "benefit"
6) Gypsy (PC response) - hey, don't "laught" at me should be "laugh"
7) Sir Magnus (in cave, PC response) - Perhaps (insert "they") couldn't have done much
8) Sir Magnus (in cave) - "Than" I must ask one more... should be "then"

I gave you 4 stars assuming these issues will be fixed before the final version. I have an extra star that I'm reserving for a replay of the final version in case it gets a considerable upgrade in detail.

hflord1 · May 2013

All of those have been fixed, thank you VERY much for the input and the stars of course mrthebozer

As a side note: I'm trying to make small changes to the village, but am out of details to use. I remove a tree or sticks here and there, but don't want to thin it out too much. I did manage a book and a lantern though

chibbiuke · May 2013

Gonna run your quest now. Mine is:

MoB for a Day
NW-DF66TLIAM
Duration Unsure. Hoping it makes the 15 minute mark.
Solo yes
Humorous, Combat, slightly immersion-breaking.
Fast run.

hflord1 · May 2013

Will run mrthebozer and chibbiuke in a short bit, have to de-agro wife

chibbiuke · May 2013

So some of the things that really caught my attention:
Aside from all the grammar and spelling issues, most of which have already been covered, there were two conversations which I found jarring. I felt a pressing need to continue the conversation with the bartender after the attack, and thought it was missing somehow. I also had a hard time with Tobias the Guard's speech about how he agrees with the other guy. This was particularly weird since I had just exited from the bar and hadn't talked to the guy in the church yet.

The village sign was difficult to click on, however I've noticed that may be an issue with the Foundry itself and have experienced it with my own quest.

Also Acolyte Kelemvore is described as 'slain' (unless you meant that she was really 'lain') yet her body animation still has her moving about while in the dialogue mode.

Having said all that, the village was pretty neat, especially for being constructed, and the atmosphere was nicely foreboding and lonely. I also enjoyed the fact that there were commodes in the houses (often overlooked) and the animal heads over the bar were a nice touch.

zwallace · June 2013

This is part one of the 'A Little Unfriendly Competition' campaign. This is an RP quest that is aimed at lower level characters. The campaign is going to get darker as it progresses, this is the hook.

The merchants of Neverwinter are being plagued by bandit attacks. Convoys entering or leaving the city are being ransacked and warehouses are being raided. Is this just random vandalism or is there a more sinister force behind this?

Travel to Bleakwood Village and uncover a wicked plot against the Merchant's Guild.

Foundry Code: NW-DK7SPLPRP
Version: 1.2
Length: 15 to 20 min
Level: 1-60
Combat: Solo
Tags: #Story, #Combat, #RP

Screenshots

hflord1 · June 2013

chibbiuke:
A book for the receptionist would be suiting
Teleport, small fight, teleport - too heavy on the load screen my son says (he's runining it with me)
LOL! The roleplay hero while manning the weaponsmith station (this is fun), congradulations should be "congratulations"

Was a blast. A tad heavy on the zoning but that's a pet peeve. Was a lot of fun and I literally lolz'd. Now, I alt-tab'd to review and lost the player review. What's the command to bring it up again? Anyone?

EDIT: Hopefully my rating got through...got d/c'd

Anyhow, everyone imo should run yours for perspective if nothing else.

hflord1 · June 2013

zwallace:
Was a short and sweet quest. Understandable story, well done fights and enjoyable all around.
Only critique would be for more decor. Not a lot more but the mines felt drab and the tavern felt like 100 others. Not a ton you CAN do about all that I understand...

Was 4 stars and a tip from me

(anyone that gets at least 3 stars deserves a tip imo. There is a limit to how many times you can tip in a day I learned, so some folks during these don't get one that does deserve one...hate the limitation, but it's there)

chibbiuke · June 2013

Your review did, indeed go through. Thank you. I also utilized some of your suggestions. Thanks for catching that spelling error. . .the ONE time I didn't use an outside writing program. (sheesh!)

hflord1 · June 2013

Still looking for more reviews, especially on my village (though the whole thing really).

Please keep in mind I'm using 1498/1500 details in the village - I'm not sure what to add or polish in it, so am taking ALL suggestions:

NW-DONEPB9CK

lostcharta · June 2013

Doing yours now. Mine are in my sig. Do either. If you do the 2nd one could you take a look at the combat difficulty? I've recently changed it after it turned out too hard.
If you could review in the linked thread I'd appreciate it.

Edit:
Pretty good. One or two minor points below but all in all an interesting story.
Combat was fairly tame until the boss which was fairly difficult (I died once, but mainly because I was stupid. Used trick detailed below to kill him the 2nd time).

* "Signpost 01". Default name at entrance
* Ruric Ironpeak clips through the wooden thing he is standing on
* Near guard toboas, near the edge of the sidewalk thing. there is some floating rubble. Also on other side of road from him.
* Sampson (horse) positioned on diagonal.
* Floating plate on table near gypsies
* Floating window on green gryphon pub
* More floaty rubbish on road near pub
* On the outside the Walls of pub flicker. You know the thing where you have two items overlapping each other. You could move one to be just about over the other to fix it.
* Very dark in pub. You could put a Dynamic light near flireplace?
* Actually all the houses are quite dark.
* LOT of fog. Enough to actually slow down my poor computer. I think you're using repeated detail pieces of smaller fog. I think there's a larger piece that will cover the whole map and may be less slowdowny.
* Trolls reskinned as shadow wolves: I believe the shadow wolves were something not wolf. Doing this means that the animations don't work correctly.
* The assassin in the pub doesn't look the same as the NPC he was supposed to be before the fight... Did he change clothes?
* Door to sir Magnus house opens inwards and therefore clips into the floor. Maybe turn door the other way around?
* The girl on the alter in the cave is supposed to be dead but moves when talked to. I think this always happens when you use a dead body as a talkable person. I used an invisible clicky when I wanted to do something similar.
* Very dark in that room with the dead girl. You might want to put lights so people don't walk off the edge of the cliff and get annoyed.
* Where you have Cave rooms intersecting with non-cave rooms there is a little part of the doorway that is invisible. I've noticed it in other quests as well. You can use a post to cover it up.
* There are statues clipping right through the wall of the door into the crypt place (intended maybe?)
* Tree near note from Perpetrator. Top branch comes out through rock
* Netherese archway slightly clips through blue crystal in hallway with brutes
* The Mystics are attacking me physically. Maybe correct but seems a little strange.
* The Boss patrol jumps over a cliff? Strange. It would make more sense to have him walk back down the ramp. Does make him easier to fight however as you can wait till he (but not him minions) jumps off and kill the minions before he can run back up to you.
* At the end of the quest it simply says "Go to next map"

hflord1 · June 2013

Sure, I'll do the second one right after work. Review coming in about 5 hours.

lumicakery · June 2013

Hello hflord, trade a review with mine? Mine is in my sig, I'll check out yours now

hflord1 · June 2013

lostcharta: Thank you very much. I've made changes to almost everything you put on there. I greatly appreciate your review. Lumicakery, I'll get yours asap.

meysa · June 2013

I'll review yours now.

Please return the favor:

Storming Monte Hall
NW-DEH6FU5KB
Duration: 30 minutes, or so
Solo: yes
Story, combat

plutovich · June 2013

I have just played your quest and liked it overall. The village is indeed the best part. You built it in a way that creates a great atmosphere. Everything seems very believable. The fog made me think of a John Carpenter movie

.

Some of the dialogues seemed light and in contrast with the dark mood of the village. Not sure about the story but a second part is on the way, like you say, so its natural that some things havent made sense yet.

Make more areas like that village in your quests, you are the best at it that ive seen so far in the foundry.

Not sure i have mentioned my quest here, its "Choice by Combat", code NW-DL7DFRIEF. I would apreciate a review. Its a short one, story centered.

Review trading - Pallisade's Horror

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