The book of incantations was useless. The Wizard had failed to run a spell check.
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digit9Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
Hear about the Mystic ?
he refused to wear shoes , so his feet became hard and tough,he went for long periods of fasting and refused to eat meat, even when he wasn't fasting , and both the fasting and his diet gave him extremely bad breath so he was of lean, slight build, especially in his later years.
So he was a super callous fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
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notmuchleftMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
There once was a great King of a far off land who had the most beautiful princess in the world. All men who saw her fell in love with her instantly, and she was famed as much for her kind heart as for her beauty. So when it came time for her to be wedded, her father, the King, decided that not just anyone should married his beloved daughter. Only the bravest and purest of heart should gain his daughter's hand in marriage.
So the King devised 3 tests for any suitor to pass, in order to be eligible. The first, was to drink no less than 3 whole kegs of the King's strongest ale, for any man able to withstand this must surely have the constitution of a bull. The second test was to pull a tooth (as evidence) from the lion in the woods, this would show the suitor's unfailing courage. The final test was to make love with the ugliest old crone in the village, for this would leave no doubt as to the kindness and piety of the suitor in question.
Notices were distributed by royal cryers all over the realm, and soon keen and willing young and seasoned veterans alike came from all corners of the land to try and pass the three tests. Some had great courage, and were able to extract a tooth, but had no kindness and could not pass the third test. Others still were pure of heart, but lacked the strength or courage to best the lion. The King and his daughter had all but given up hope after many attempts, until one day a handsome young soldier from far away came to the court one day, seeking the hand of the fairest maiden in the land. The King stepped forward and addressed the hopeful young warrior.
"And what makes you think you can past the 3 tests I have set where all others have failed young man?" Asked the King.
"Indeed your tests are devious and a great challenge my Liege, but having been the only warrior to survive the dreaded Caturday Catastrophe, I felt I would offer the best chance at a successful attempt."
This statement caused great murmurings and comments from the local courtiers, and even the Princess was seen to be blushing. She leaned close to her Father's ear and pleaded, "Oh please Father, let this handsome, noble warrior attempt your tests. I feel in my heart he is the one for me and I wish to wed him as soon as he passes your challenges!"
"Patience my young girl, he must first be able to drink 3 kegs of ale. Let's see if he can at least do that first before you celebrate!" Replied the King.
So the Royal servants brought up 3 of the King's strongest ale to be consumed. It took the young warrior a while to get through all 3 kegs, but at last he wobbled to his feet and loudly proclaimed, "There you are (hic) Shire, I have (burp) drunk all three (hic) kegsh of beer..." Although visibly affected by the brew, the soldier had indeed completed this task, and with great enthusiasm the King replied, "Truly you have the constitution of a bull, and I applaud you. But the next two tests will undoubtedly show what kind of a hero you are."
"And what (burp) prey tell, ish the nexsht two (hic) teshts?" asked the soldier.
"You must make love to the ugliest crone in the village, and then pull a tooth from the lion in the woods," replied the King.
"Eashy (hic) peashy," said the brave warrior, and he set off to brave the last 2 tests.
After about an hour or so, as the courtiers and the Princess began to get worried that the potential hero had fallen foul of the lion, when the young warrior stumbled into the throne room. He was scratched, cut, bleeding and his clothing was torn to shreds, but he was alive. With a look of shock and curiosity the King asked, "And what have you to say for yourself regarding the other two tests young man?" The room fell silent as it waited with baited breath as to what the soldier would say. He gathered himself, tried to tidy himself up and stood as straight as he could, then declared loudly for all to hear.
"Well, get...gett...getting the tooth (hic) from the old crone wash (hic) quite eashy, but that lion put up one hell of a fight!"
Only two things in this life are infinite. The universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the former. ~ Albert Einstein
templarknight91Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Go to the Cragmyre Crypts on Epic and once you arrive at Kallos Tam watch him show off his staff multiple times (it's a bug where it keeps playing the intro video for the boss, funny though)
A horny harlot walks into a tavern and asks the bar keep who has the biggest codpiece in the place as she has an itch that needs scratching. The barkeep says "there is a dwarf in the other room, i hear hes got a 3 foot member!" So the wench walks to the next room and walks to the only dwarf in the tavern and says "so, i hear you got a 3 foot pork shank". The dwarf says "aye". She says " i would really like to see that if you please"... The dwarf promptly jumps off his stool and drops trough. Sure enough, there lays 3 feet of bologna pony. She says in amazement "So! My not so short fellow... whats it like to roll in the hay with a tool like this?" The dwarf sighs and says, "To be honest, i don't rightly know... Every time i get a hard on... i pass out..."
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chilit0keMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
A: “Hey yesterday I met these crazy guys, from the same guild. They really needed a rogue so they bugged me for like half an hour and kept claiming they needed me for a dungeon run. At first I was like, nahh their level was too low, only 30. But they kept spamming and sending nice dps records so I signed up. What was the worst that could happen?”
An old wizard tired of serving Neverwinter, for he had served for many years. He became a pirate, but didn't expect that life to be as tiring and as involved as he'd once thought. After a while of hoisting the sails and scrubbing the decks he required some additional support, for his poor old back was bracing, he was old and his bones were becoming weak, despite having an affinity to magic. His pirate accent was coming along well, at least.
He decided to pick up an ARRR-cane, it seemed to do the trick!
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denjarioMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 4Arc User
edited May 2013
Why did the bear turn to stone while hunting for honey?
He found the wrong bee-holder.
How can you tell if a Dwarf is drunk?
He's talking.
How do you steal from a bard?
You lute him.
Why did the TV crew try follow the dragon around?
They heard he was a Hoarder.
An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that a halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard looks at the archmage blankly and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Meanwhile in the local supermarket, a control wizard and and a beautiful lady pass each other...
Lady: Excuse me sir, can you help me please
Wizard: Of course
Lady: Great, would u mind getting me that (Points to top shelf)
Wizard: (Eager to impress the lady with his magic, the wizard casts entangling force on the lady to help her reach the top shelf
Lady: ...
Wizard: realizing what he has done (shift, W) "maybe she would rather a cleric instead"
Well, I should get a tittle anyway, because I wrote 500 different jokes and I killed them all...
So, here goes a very beautiful story:
I just discovered that my true quest in Neverwinter: that is to be kind to all the Alzheimer's carriers, more specifically, the NPCs.
I love being there for them. They tell me the same thing over and over again, but it's worth their smile in the end, knowing
I can make them happy just by listening. Wonderful moments in so many campsites, even forgot the injuries I had at the moment.
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plut0nickMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
An adventurer found a ring of wish. He put it on and heard a voice that said to him 'make a wish!'
He thought somebody was pulling a prank on him and so he replied 'A wish huh? Well, make me a sandwich!'
The ABC (Annual Bardic Convention) had only recently convened when their concert hall broke away as a flying earth mote!
(Never to be seen again.)
On a quiet night, however, if you listen closely.... you can still hear a lone lute, playing in the wind.
Sergeant knox: Sargent knox report in sir ...sir.neverember our kingdom is under attack.
Neverember : so what should i do? Sargent......aa... k..k. k...knox ..
Sergeant knox: you should tell me what to do sir? defend or attack ?
Neverember : MR. whoever you are you should ask this question to our king :mad:
Sergeant knox: but you are our king sir ...
Neverember : no MR. our king is Neverember not me ........
Sergeant knox: sir you are Neverember :mad:
Neverember : i thought my name is knox ......
Sergeant knox: NOW I KNOW WHY HE'S NAME IS NEVER-REMEBER......
As a Great Weapon Fighter(GWF) enter a village, a man come running and yelling up with a look of depression on his face.
Man: Help! Help!!
GWF: What seem to be the problem sir
As the man struggle to catch his breathe
Man: A B b big ugly demon is in my house.
Pointing toward his home
Man: Can you slay the demon for me?
With great haste the GWF sprint towards the man home and before he charge through the door the man gave him a warning
Man: Don' t let that demon scream at you it will drain your life... Slay that Demon before it Yell
As the man final words fell upon the warrior ears, he enter the home and laid eyes on the Big figure in the kitchen. quickly he draw his Great sword and rush in ... As the Big figure turn and begins to open its mouth. the Demon was cut down with one swipe of his sword. Upon exit the house the Great Weapon Fighter is meet by the man.
GWF: the deed is done... what was that big ugly demon?
Man: My Wife
THE DWARF DANGLE: So a dwarf and a ogre are sitting in a tavern, the dwarf approaches the ogre and says. "Oh my! are you a real ogre!?" The ogre says "Thats a stupid question, leave me alone...". The dwarf persists and says " well, i am to die of the spellplague soon and there was one last wish i had that only a ogre could fulfill..." The ogre takes pity on the dwarf and says "ok. what is it?". The dwarf says " well i was wondering if i could see your balls for a minute?" The ogre says "what! why?!" The dwarf says "well i heard ogre balls are lucky and maybe it will help me survive the spellplague." The ogre says "well, ok... come on." and they both walk to the rest room. The ogre pulls out is balls and the dwarf cant get a good look at them from his height so goes and gets a bar stool and climbs it to get a better view. The dwarf says " wow, those are huge! One is as big as my head." The ogre says hurringly. "yes, yes. very nice... are you done?". The dwaft then grabs the orges nuts in a bearhug and says, "Now hand over your coin purse or i Jump!!!"
A pineapple and a imp walk into a tavern for a drink,
The pineapple asks "What is an imp doing in a tavern."
So the imp replies "What in the name of Shar is a pineapple doing in neverwinter!?!?!?".
Why did the Guardian Fighter let the Trickster Rogue choose their party's Control Wizard? Because he was good at picking 'locks! (warlocks)
At first Lord Neverember didn't like his new haircut, but it started to grow on him.
Why do orcish bards sound better by candlelight?
Because you can plug your ears with the wax!
How many Elves does it take to light a candle?
Three: one to sing, one to dance, one to summon the spiritual guardian of joyous flame forth into the realm material.
A Cleric of Oghma somehow gets separated from his party deep inside a cave. Turning around a dark corner, he bumps into a fairly good sized black dragon. Frightened out of his wits, he drops to his knees and starts praying to Oghma. Oddly, the dragon does the same. The cleric leaps up, dancing, shouting "I'm saved, I'm saved!" The dragon <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> his head and says, "No, you don't understand...I'm saying 'Grace.'"
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jaredsanMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
In the sewers of Neverwinter
Timeless waters drop
a blade dance
Comments
he refused to wear shoes , so his feet became hard and tough,he went for long periods of fasting and refused to eat meat, even when he wasn't fasting , and both the fasting and his diet gave him extremely bad breath so he was of lean, slight build, especially in his later years.
So he was a super callous fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
So the King devised 3 tests for any suitor to pass, in order to be eligible. The first, was to drink no less than 3 whole kegs of the King's strongest ale, for any man able to withstand this must surely have the constitution of a bull. The second test was to pull a tooth (as evidence) from the lion in the woods, this would show the suitor's unfailing courage. The final test was to make love with the ugliest old crone in the village, for this would leave no doubt as to the kindness and piety of the suitor in question.
Notices were distributed by royal cryers all over the realm, and soon keen and willing young and seasoned veterans alike came from all corners of the land to try and pass the three tests. Some had great courage, and were able to extract a tooth, but had no kindness and could not pass the third test. Others still were pure of heart, but lacked the strength or courage to best the lion. The King and his daughter had all but given up hope after many attempts, until one day a handsome young soldier from far away came to the court one day, seeking the hand of the fairest maiden in the land. The King stepped forward and addressed the hopeful young warrior.
"And what makes you think you can past the 3 tests I have set where all others have failed young man?" Asked the King.
"Indeed your tests are devious and a great challenge my Liege, but having been the only warrior to survive the dreaded Caturday Catastrophe, I felt I would offer the best chance at a successful attempt."
This statement caused great murmurings and comments from the local courtiers, and even the Princess was seen to be blushing. She leaned close to her Father's ear and pleaded, "Oh please Father, let this handsome, noble warrior attempt your tests. I feel in my heart he is the one for me and I wish to wed him as soon as he passes your challenges!"
"Patience my young girl, he must first be able to drink 3 kegs of ale. Let's see if he can at least do that first before you celebrate!" Replied the King.
So the Royal servants brought up 3 of the King's strongest ale to be consumed. It took the young warrior a while to get through all 3 kegs, but at last he wobbled to his feet and loudly proclaimed, "There you are (hic) Shire, I have (burp) drunk all three (hic) kegsh of beer..." Although visibly affected by the brew, the soldier had indeed completed this task, and with great enthusiasm the King replied, "Truly you have the constitution of a bull, and I applaud you. But the next two tests will undoubtedly show what kind of a hero you are."
"And what (burp) prey tell, ish the nexsht two (hic) teshts?" asked the soldier.
"You must make love to the ugliest crone in the village, and then pull a tooth from the lion in the woods," replied the King.
"Eashy (hic) peashy," said the brave warrior, and he set off to brave the last 2 tests.
After about an hour or so, as the courtiers and the Princess began to get worried that the potential hero had fallen foul of the lion, when the young warrior stumbled into the throne room. He was scratched, cut, bleeding and his clothing was torn to shreds, but he was alive. With a look of shock and curiosity the King asked, "And what have you to say for yourself regarding the other two tests young man?" The room fell silent as it waited with baited breath as to what the soldier would say. He gathered himself, tried to tidy himself up and stood as straight as he could, then declared loudly for all to hear.
"Well, get...gett...getting the tooth (hic) from the old crone wash (hic) quite eashy, but that lion put up one hell of a fight!"
One is hairy and stubborn and the other has four legs.
How many ogres does it take to kidnap a princess?
15.
1 for the kidnapping and 14 for the note.
How many orcs does it take to change a lightbulb?
21.
20 to figure out how and 1 to turn arround the ceiling.
What's worse than having your character's body pinned to a tree with six arrows?
Having it pinned to 6 trees.
Clerics being the tank isn't normal.
But on Neverwinter it is.
Neverwinter, not even once. <---- aaaaand I'm banned xD
"The Shard will be closed for maintenance in 10 minutes. Thank you for playing Neverwinter."
B: “So what doungen did you take?”
A: “Chartilifax!”
Look at the size of their fingers!!
He decided to pick up an ARRR-cane, it seemed to do the trick!
He found the wrong bee-holder.
How can you tell if a Dwarf is drunk?
He's talking.
How do you steal from a bard?
You lute him.
Why did the TV crew try follow the dragon around?
They heard he was a Hoarder.
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that a halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard looks at the archmage blankly and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Lady: Excuse me sir, can you help me please
Wizard: Of course
Lady: Great, would u mind getting me that (Points to top shelf)
Wizard: (Eager to impress the lady with his magic, the wizard casts entangling force on the lady to help her reach the top shelf
Lady: ...
Wizard: realizing what he has done (shift, W) "maybe she would rather a cleric instead"
So, here goes a very beautiful story:
I just discovered that my true quest in Neverwinter: that is to be kind to all the Alzheimer's carriers, more specifically, the NPCs.
I love being there for them. They tell me the same thing over and over again, but it's worth their smile in the end, knowing
I can make them happy just by listening.
He thought somebody was pulling a prank on him and so he replied 'A wish huh? Well, make me a sandwich!'
The ABC (Annual Bardic Convention) had only recently convened when their concert hall broke away as a flying earth mote!
(Never to be seen again.)
On a quiet night, however, if you listen closely.... you can still hear a lone lute, playing in the wind.
Neverember : so what should i do? Sargent......aa... k..k. k...knox ..
Sergeant knox: you should tell me what to do sir? defend or attack ?
Neverember : MR. whoever you are you should ask this question to our king :mad:
Sergeant knox: but you are our king sir ...
Neverember : no MR. our king is Neverember not me ........
Sergeant knox: sir you are Neverember :mad:
Neverember : i thought my name is knox ......
Sergeant knox: NOW I KNOW WHY HE'S NAME IS NEVER-REMEBER......
Man: Help! Help!!
GWF: What seem to be the problem sir
As the man struggle to catch his breathe
Man: A B b big ugly demon is in my house.
Pointing toward his home
Man: Can you slay the demon for me?
With great haste the GWF sprint towards the man home and before he charge through the door the man gave him a warning
Man: Don' t let that demon scream at you it will drain your life... Slay that Demon before it Yell
As the man final words fell upon the warrior ears, he enter the home and laid eyes on the Big figure in the kitchen. quickly he draw his Great sword and rush in ... As the Big figure turn and begins to open its mouth. the Demon was cut down with one swipe of his sword. Upon exit the house the Great Weapon Fighter is meet by the man.
GWF: the deed is done... what was that big ugly demon?
Man: My Wife
The pineapple asks "What is an imp doing in a tavern."
So the imp replies "What in the name of Shar is a pineapple doing in neverwinter!?!?!?".
At first Lord Neverember didn't like his new haircut, but it started to grow on him.
Why do orcish bards sound better by candlelight?
Because you can plug your ears with the wax!
How many Elves does it take to light a candle?
Three: one to sing, one to dance, one to summon the spiritual guardian of joyous flame forth into the realm material.
A Cleric of Oghma somehow gets separated from his party deep inside a cave. Turning around a dark corner, he bumps into a fairly good sized black dragon. Frightened out of his wits, he drops to his knees and starts praying to Oghma. Oddly, the dragon does the same. The cleric leaps up, dancing, shouting "I'm saved, I'm saved!" The dragon <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> his head and says, "No, you don't understand...I'm saying 'Grace.'"
Timeless waters drop
a blade dance
-a haiku
Cheers
Essence of Aggression
two dwarfs picked up a copper coin at the same time!
Mage: What in the nine hells is icecream?
Fighter: I don't know it just sounded good to say.
Mage: and now we know how intelligent you are, congratulations.
Fighter: can we just get back to smashing?
Mage: sure we can fighter, sure we can.