Hi, I am humbly submitting my two foundry missions for review.
Mission: Eclipse #1: Komahashi Maru Author: @intrinsical ID: ST-HJCGWMIJA Faction: Federation Level Requirement: None Length: 20+ minutes. Type: Story, Puzzle, Ground Combat Synopsis:
You and your crew have been summoned to Starfleet Academy to attend a Special Command and Tactics Refresher Course. However, things may not be as simple as it seem... Mission: Eclipse #2: The Borg of 4028 Author: @intrinsical ID: ST-HKV6A7QVE Faction: Federation Level Requirement: 41+ Length: 50+ minutes. Type: Story, Puzzle, Ground Combat, Space Combat Historian's Note: This story occurred just prior to the Special Task Force missions, "Into The Hive" and "The Hive Onslaught"
Remodulators: Required EV Suits: Nice to have Synopsis:
Priority one message from Starfleet Command. We are to rendezvous with a Task Force Omega Agent at the specified coordinates in the Lackey System in Sirius Sector Block.
I tested this using a level 25 Romulan character, Morgaiah ir-Sheratan t'Thavrau (Morgan Thavrau for short), so any RP will be a little different than normal. I've played this mission before so I know it wasn't meant as Romulan-friendly and won't hold that against you.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission description and acceptance dialog are both very well-done. Map "Chapter I, Ruben System":
Colorful map, nicely arranged.
Convo at map start:
-- Capt. Proffitt: "The details are in our mission logs, of course ... the Bastogne is frankly not equipped to handle a run in with the Romulans." -> "... handle a run-in with the Romulans."
Map is a little short, but I think it's long enough to avoid my "superfluous maps" rule. Map "Chapter I, Ready Room":
Convo with Cdr. Somak:
-- The "engineering officer" dialogs seem to be grabbing one of my sci boffs rather than my engineer. Could easily be a season 9-induced glitch but you ought to check that. (Actually, as the mission went on it seemed more and more to be a glitch on Cryptic's end.)
-- The first time I played this I really enjoyed the work that clearly went into the world-building for the Heservat. The cultural details given here are believable and flow logically. Map "Chapter II, Orith System":
Convo after hailing USS Uluru:
-- Engi boff: "Success, Captain! ... I've also detected automatted drones aboard..." -> "... I've also detected automated drones aboard..."
-- Tac boff: "The freighter's distress signal ... No one was onboard to sabotage..." -> "... No one was on board... " or "... No one was aboard ..."
-- Player to Cdr. Somak: "The Tal Shiar lured us away from Heservat with an ellaborate distress call ploy?" -> "... an elaborate ploy?"
Objectives: Space reach marker could use a blinker. Map "Chapter III, Heservat System":
Convo:
-- Sci boff: "Off the port bow, sir. ... it took them nine-years to build ..." -> "... it took them nine years to build..." Map "Chapter IV, Heservat III":
Convo at map start:
-- Bridge officer: "[ShipFullName] to away team. Captain, sensors have detected persons moving toward..." -> "... sensors have detected people moving toward ..."
Convo after second fight:
-- Tac boff: "The cargo hold is relatively south of your position... Sensors detect fourty-four flight-capable craft ..." -> "The cargo hold is south of your position ... Sensors detect forty-four flight-capable craft ..." We're on a planet. Planets have a magnetic north and south, unlike space.
Convo after beaming up cargo hold:
-- On the bridge officer's comment on magnetically accelerated projectile weapons being one step up from old Earth firearms, therefore the Heservat will be slaughtered. Eh, what? Just because one side's weapons are more technologically sophisticated doesn't automatically mean the other side is going to lose: ref. Pacific islanders with blowguns kicking the **** out of Japanese soldiers during WWII (or for a fictional example, almost any time an SG team goes up against Jaffa in Stargate SG-1). Both sides are using only small arms here, and I recall a distinct lack of any armor protection in Star Trek on most occasions. I also recall personal shields providing a distinct lack of protection against kinetic weapons in STO in particular. Map "Chapter V, Bridge":
Convo with Cdr. Somak:
-- Somak: "Welcome back, Captain [LastName]. ... the crash and their missing compatriots, however when we make ..." -> "the crash and their missing compatriots. However, when we make ..."
-- The comment "I'll appeal to their sense of honor and duty" cracked me up.
-- Sci boff: "Not to worry, Captain. ... Twenty-minutes is all we'll need." -> "Twenty minutes is all we'll need."
-- Tac boff: "We should expose the Romulan's plot ..." -> "We should expose the Romulans' plot ..." Plural possessive, therefore apostrophe goes after the 's'. Map "Chapter V, Sickbay":
Convo in sickbay:
-- Dr. Maczynski: "Hello Captain. There's been no shortage of excitment down here today." -> "Hello, Captain. There's been no shortage of excitement down here today."
-- Player response to "I figured you would ask that, sir.": "Two-years?" -> "Two years?" Map "Chapter VI, Observation Deck:
Convo with Ferassa Gelter:
-- Player response to "Yes, I can see the logic in that.": "We will not interfer in the development of your planet." -> "We will not interfere in the development of your planet."
-- Player response to next dialog: "We are here to help" -> "We are here to help."
Convo with Adm. Lavoie:
-- Lavoie: "I sincerely hope so. ... Of course, they will have an ellaborate tale ..." -> "Of course, they will have an elaborate tale..."
-- Player response to "They know us too well, Captain.": "Commander Somak is at maximum Vulcan efficieny." -> "... maximum Vulcan efficiency."
Overall Score: 4.5/5. Would have tipped but reviews are down.
Pros: Well written dialog giving each NPC a distinct personality, the combat was balanced well, and the maps were pretty.
Cons: Some typos, plus an apparent error in the cloak detection puzzle.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Rearranged the queue because "A Taste of Collateral Damage" hasn't been republished, but "No Prize for Second Contact" has.
Not only that, it starts at the old esd wall console #1. No missions with esd starting doors are currently working (unless it's an npc). I'll let you know if it gets fixed... otherwise, it won't be playable for another month or two until the editor comes back online.
Not only that, it starts at the old esd wall console #1. No missions with esd starting doors are currently working (unless it's an npc). I'll let you know if it gets fixed... otherwise, it won't be playable for another month or two until the editor comes back online.
Ack. My sympathies.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
"A Taste of Collateral Damage" has been republished and the new ESD starting door is working just fine.
Okie dokie. Did you update any mission entry instructions? EDIT: NVM, you answered on FoundryTalk.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Starsword, would you mind reviewing my Honor of Series missions now that you can do Max Level KDF?
I will ask you play Honor of Ferasa purely for backstory first, but not a review. Its not fair to have a spotlight review. The two sequels however, are what I want reviews of.
Title: Honor of Orions
(KDF) Lv 35+
by @sirboulevard
Three weeks after the Shiassi incident on Ferasa, you are called back to Qo'nos at the request of Ambassador S'taass. Has the smoke cleared from that dark hour? Or has the darkness just started to move in? Title:Honor of the Empire
(KDF) Lv 50+
by @sirboulevard
Following the incident with the Shiassi in the Azure Nebula, the Klingon High Council convenes to discuss the ongoing threat, only to find it knocking on their door. Win or lose, the Empire will be changed forever...
Congratulations on becoming the first KDF author to make the leap!
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "A Taste of Collateral Damage" by @BorrowedTune, Stardate 91933.86.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Interesting style for the mission description. Reads kind of like a book blurb. Pretty cool. Map "Abraxas System":
Nice-looking map, and a clever little call-back to TNG: "Peak Performance" in the dialog options. Hafta admit I've never exactly been a fan of the whole "we're explorers, not soldiers" schtick* so I took the "right away, sir" option.
Noticed on the third fight of this map that you used Romulan Republic mobs for the UAF drones.
* Line from the in-progress chapter of one of my fanfics: "Ensign, I'm only going to say this once. You are an officer in Starfleet, and that means that when the time comes for it you had damned well better be a soldier. Your first duty is to the truth, and your second is to protect others. Only after that do you get to your actual job description. Now come on, we've got work to do." Map "Station Azure 9":
Oh, wow. Custom interior. Nice city, too.
And this is an unexpectedly nice touch, spawning a new interior around the player instead of using a map transition at the turbolift. But this is odd: is the floor in the big chamber supposed to be a whole bunch of force fields?
Convo with head research scientist:
-- Attack of the Clones? Really? (Actually, I spent the next minute or so trying not to laugh.)
Boff pathing seems a little off in the newly spawned interior, although I'm not really sure what you can do about that. (Isn't there a trick with spawning invisible walls that makes switching from a non-opening door to an opening door not TRIBBLE with pathing?) In any case, I ended up leaving my science officer in the room with the clones.
Eleya RP: "Sher hahr kosst. Nice of you idiots to warn me before I got into this that there were dissenting elements in this culture! Phekk'ta bureaucrats..." Map "Abraxas III":
Nicely done atmospherics on this planet. Really feels like the irradiated wasteland it's supposed to be.
Why did I see that plot twist coming all the way back on the previous map? (Answer: Because I've been analyzing fiction too long.)
-- Eleya: "If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's feeling like I'm being used."
Oh. Wow. This is nice. Whole underground city here with a rocky roof. This is some damned impressive mapbuilding.
Convo with Abraxan idiot:
-- So, Too Dumb to Live in addition to an TRIBBLE$hole. And here I thought Janeway was the only person in the galaxy with few enough functioning neurons to try allying with the Borg. 'Spose it's time to save a species from its leader's abject stupidity (not to mention, you know, treason against the galaxy). Map "Abraxas System #2":
That was a nice touch with the "Attack Pattern [LastName] Omicron Theta" bit. Apparently I was awarded the Grankite Order of Tactics at some point and didn't notice. ;P Also, nice trick reskinning a frigate group as the three sections of a Prometheus-class.
And that'll teach you Abraxan idiots not to attack a Series 23 Galaxy-class starship in a fighter. Schmucks.
So that's John Paul Jones and Independence Day in two consecutive conversations.
Aaaaand Forgotten Phlebotinum. Why is my chief engineer dicking around with annular confinement beams and such to get past a transporter scrambler when I have this nifty thing called a shuttlebay? (Yes, I looked back through the comms logs. Only shuttlebays 1 and 3 got decompressed, implying an intact bay 2, and there's also these nifty things called EV suits.)
-- Oh, hang on. Spoke too soon. Forgot these were hab domes instead of the actual planet. Still, I think there's a sky option that would make that more clear, a starry sky with a sort of energy grid overlaid. Admirison used it for a hab dome on Luna in "Worlds of the Federation". Map "Station Azure 9 #2":
Oh boy. Platformer puzzle. Well, I suppose that practice on Nimbus yesterday to get those exploration accolades will come in handy.
And can I say that Premier Traitor is even more of an idiot than I first thought? "Take me as your hostage instead"? More like "Oi, smeghead, next time you want to use a human shield, why don't you try standing where, you know, she can actually shield you?" *shoots moronic traitor in the face with MACO battle rifle* Map "Facility One":
Huh. Okay, that twist I did not see coming.
Convo with sci boff at objective "Reconfigure the Transwarp Network":
-- The comment from my tac and the player response made me chuckle.
-- Sci boff: "As I was saying, before being interrupted, that node is filled with highly volitile plasma." -> "... highly volatile plasma."
Convo with standoff between Abraxans and The First felt a little sudden. Felt like it should've taken more convincing to get them to knock it off.
Overall Score: 5/5. Would have tipped but reviews are down.
Pros: Very, very good ground maps and some nice triggerwork. Dialog was well done and the boffs felt like they had distinct personalities.
Cons: Needs a warning to replicate frequency remodulators somewhere. Denouement felt a little bit abrupt as previously noted, and hab dome map would do better with a different sky.
Other than that, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and call this spotlight quality. Bravo!
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Boff pathing seems a little off in the newly spawned interior, although I'm not really sure what you can do about that. (Isn't there a trick with spawning invisible walls that makes switching from a non-opening door to an opening door not TRIBBLE with pathing?) In any case, I ended up leaving my science officer in the room with the clones.
I've commented on this in other review responses. I have done everything possible to minimize the pathing issue. At this point, let's just say your boffs are free to roam about the building a little bit... maybe they are looking for snacks.
Aaaaand Forgotten Phlebotinum. Why is my chief engineer dicking around with annular confinement beams and such to get past a transporter scrambler when I have this nifty thing called a shuttlebay? (Yes, I looked back through the comms logs. Only shuttlebays 1 and 3 got decompressed, implying an intact bay 2, and there's also these nifty things called EV suits.)
You would've gotten a kick out of the bonus objective on the next map, which jokes about this exact idea, had you found it.
-- Oh, hang on. Spoke too soon. Forgot these were hab domes instead of the actual planet. Still, I think there's a sky option that would make that more clear, a starry sky with a sort of energy grid overlaid. Admirison used it for a hab dome on Luna in "Worlds of the Federation".
Early versions of that map had that sky but I chose not to use it. If you were forced to live in an orbiting geodesic dome, would you prefer to look at a grid and black space or a beautiful blue sky? Your boff comments that the sky is "obviously the work of a holoemitter" the first time you visit the station. I kept thinking about that luxury ship from BSG. The overall reason, of course, is for contrast.
Early versions of that map had that sky but I chose not to use it. If you were forced to live in an orbiting geodesic dome, would you prefer to look at a grid and black space or a beautiful blue sky? Your boff comments that the sky is "obviously the work of a holoemitter" the first time you visit the station. I kept thinking about that luxury ship from BSG. The overall reason, of course, is for contrast.
Yeah... it's compressed for the sake a brevity. What it's missing is the big speech from your captain.
I think actually this might be a good place to not go for brevity. I had this idea to put in something similar to the paragon and renegade persuade options to end the Geth-Quarian War in Mass Effect 3. Paragon is basically a Patrick Stewart Speech, while Renegade has Shepard b*tch them out and tell the quarians she is done saving their stupid asses and that if they want to die pointlessly they're welcome to it.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Starsword, I would love a review of my newest mission:
State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV
Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.
Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
AKA @contactpsi. Foundry Author of: "No Prize for Second Contact", "Welcome to the Milky Way", and "The Tyranny of Hope".
Welcome to the loony bin, councilspectre. You're #20 behind sirboulevard's "Honor of the Empire".
And I'll have a max level Fed Rom in less than an hour, so bring on the Rom missions! StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "No Prize for Second Contact II" by @Contactpsi, Stardate 91969.98.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Ran this mission using my Fed Rom 'cause I needed the dil.
Mission description and entry text both look good. Map "Chapter I, Argelius System":
Hey, the spawn-a-new-system trick! Always fun to see people doing that. And a well-designed map, with good visuals to go with the dialog descriptions.
Convo between Capt. Proffitt and the Romulan:
-- Proffitt: "Commander, our shields are down... encryption I've placed on the main comp<line break>uter. ..." -> "... on the main computer. ..."
-- Player response to "You're on, Captain.": "Sounds like a reasonable hyopthesis to me, Captain." -> "Sounds like a reasonable hypothesis to me, Captain."
Just wondering, is the shuttlecraft Tyson supposed to refer to Neil DeGrasse Tyson? Map "Chapter II, The Satellite":
Just wondering, were we supposed to materialize facing a wall? If not, might want to check that: could be an S9 glitch. *beat* Oh, hang on, is that supposed to be from us exiting the back of the shuttle?
Convo at containers:
-- The little banter with your away team here was really funny, especially the bit where you tell off your tac for tempting fate.
Clever little piece of work there. Really felt a Star Trekky way to solve the problem. And the triggerwork with the Romulans blasting the station was a nice touch. (Somebody remind me what that "shaking and creaking" effect is? I need that for one of the maps in B&S II.) Map "Chapter II, Argelius System":
TL;DR of the Romulan commander: "Calling to gloat, eh?" Well, at least he's a gracious loser. Map "Chapter III, The Bridge":
Convo with Profitt et al. in ready room:
-- As before, I'm very impressed with the effort that went into the worldbuilding for the Heservat. And may I say, the Heservat political situation is exactly why civilian control and oversight over the military, as we have here in the States in real life (and as I imagine they have in the Federation), is a good thing.
-- Cdr. Uldrassi: "If they appear and offer 25th century technology... met with extreme resistance, even with ..." -> "... extreme resistance. Even with ..." Map "Chapter IV, Security Office":
Um. The security officer appears to be invisible. I don't recall that happening the last time I played this so I assume it's an S9-induced bug, but you oughta look into that.
Convo with Cdr. Somak:
-- Somak: "Yes, Captain. ... a spy for the New Romulan Empire." I'm not sure when this mission was uploaded, but was the NRE supposed to be the Romulan Republic or another splinter state?
Nice job constructing the prison cells.
Convo with SLT. Dartek:
-- Player respose to "We have redundancies.": "You're smarter than this" -> "You're smarter than this."
-- Dartek: "Even if I were to help ... immunity to persecution." -> "... immunity from prosecution."
Convo with Adm. Lavoie:
-- Lavoie: "You have it, Captain. ... I will being preparing ..." -> "... I will begin preparing ..."
Convo with Dartek:
-- Dartek: "I don't know exactly. ... the proto-type phase discriminators ..." -> "... the prototype phase discriminators ..." Map "Chapter V, Heservat III":
The map looks well-arranged, and that was a nice touch with the "random list of individuals" and the crossdressing Bajoran. Good way around the design-your-own-boff thing.
Interact text "Discrete Tricorder Scan" -> "Discreet Tricorder Scan"
Nice touch with the angry mob bit.
Convo with Administrator Tedrik:
-- Tedrik: "Well. There. ... some proper aide." -> "... some proper aid."
Objectives: "Move to a Discrete Location" -> "Move to a Discreet Location" Map "Chapter VI, Hidden Base":
Some rough fights in this stage but not super-hard. Also, the twist ending is nice. Overall Score: 4.5/5. Would have tipped but reviews are down.
Pros: Good map arrangement, judicious and well-done triggerwork, and an impressive "How do we pull a win out of this one?" twist ending.
Cons: More typos than I'm generally willing to put up with.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
I hope your doing well. I know reviews are down but I'd like to enter my mission to your queue if possible. The mission info as follows:
Mission Name: Homage to Galris
Author: Joe_King
Minimum Level: Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFAZTV5AX
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 45 minutes
Mission Description: As the war with the Klingons wages on you and your gallant crew are called to Risa to investigate an incident aboard the U.S.S. Missouri. The Missouri was escorting the Andorian and Galrisian ambassadors to a trade conference between member and non-member worlds. All is not as it seems and the future of the Federation depends on your actions. Can you solve the mystery and save the Federation from a threat within its borders?
Thanks for your consideration!
Joe_King
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission description and entry text both look good. Map "Chapter I, Bridge":
Nice touch with having the ability to say, "Hell with the Prime Directive, these people need help." And the spy/politial thriller feel of the early part of this mission is fun.
I also like the "snarky"/"not snarky" choice at the start of the convo with Ferassa. Combine the "snarky" with the "sorry" on the next option and it gets a nice feel of your captain feeling a bit stressed over this mess. Map "Chapter II, Mess Hall":
I remember enjoying the handling of the hostage negotiation on this map the last time I played it. Very well-written, and the part where you get to out-sneak the Romulan cracked me up. I believe the term is "Morton's Fork": If you pick one choice, bad things happen, and if you pick the other, the same bad things happen but for a different reason. Map "Chapter III, Sickbay":
Not really a whole lot to say about this map, just the lull before the storm as it were.
Map "Chapter III, Transporter Room":
Moving right along. Just talk on this map. Map "Chapter IV, Future's Council":
And here we are. This would've been a nice place to use my dress uniform if I had made one.
Convo with Speaker Kurwher:
-- Player response to "She looks to the police...": "We are here to make contact as you journey into space" -> "... journey into space."
Convo with Council Engineer:
-- Council Engineer: "I hope that is true. My brother will not believe me even if I were promitted to tell him about you." -> "My brother would not believe me even if I were permitted to tell him about you."
Ok, nice dialog puzzle, although it leaves you wondering if there's actually a correct answer. Granted, "riddle for the ages" is still a solution.
Something I'll say for Romulan ground mobs: what they lack in trickery they make up for in toughness. Overall Score: 5/5. 100 dil tip.
Pros: Extremely well-written with good application of mission choice. This series just keeps getting better and better and I'm looking forward to playing part four.
Cons: Couple minor typos.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Hi starsword,
I was just checking your review queue, and I noticed you had A Personal Favour listed as ...Favor. Please note that because the mission in-game uses ...Favour, searching for "a personal favor" won't find it.
I am NikkoJT, Foundry author and terrible player. Follow me!
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
Hi starsword,
I was just checking your review queue, and I noticed you had A Personal Favour listed as ...Favor. Please note that because the mission in-game uses ...Favour, searching for "a personal favor" won't find it.
Thanks for the correction. Fixed.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Hey Starsword-C, I just wanted to let you know that I've moved my mission hub to a new thread, "Starfarertheta's Foundry Missions," before you end up resurrecting the old one.
Oh, Starsword, sorry I didn't say earlier, but my missions, A Message From Nowhere and The Wraith? They're actually under the name SerpentineOne, not hypnosnake.
Comments
Mission: Eclipse #1: Komahashi Maru
Author: @intrinsical
ID: ST-HJCGWMIJA
Faction: Federation
Level Requirement: None
Length: 20+ minutes.
Type: Story, Puzzle, Ground Combat
Synopsis:
You and your crew have been summoned to Starfleet Academy to attend a Special Command and Tactics Refresher Course. However, things may not be as simple as it seem...
Mission: Eclipse #2: The Borg of 4028
Author: @intrinsical
ID: ST-HKV6A7QVE
Faction: Federation
Level Requirement: 41+
Length: 50+ minutes.
Type: Story, Puzzle, Ground Combat, Space Combat
Historian's Note: This story occurred just prior to the Special Task Force missions, "Into The Hive" and "The Hive Onslaught"
Remodulators: Required
EV Suits: Nice to have
Synopsis:
Priority one message from Starfleet Command. We are to rendezvous with a Task Force Omega Agent at the specified coordinates in the Lackey System in Sirius Sector Block.
Rearranged the queue because "A Taste of Collateral Damage" hasn't been republished, but "No Prize for Second Contact" has.
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "No Prize for Second Contact" by @Contactpsi, Stardate 91921.81.
I tested this using a level 25 Romulan character, Morgaiah ir-Sheratan t'Thavrau (Morgan Thavrau for short), so any RP will be a little different than normal. I've played this mission before so I know it wasn't meant as Romulan-friendly and won't hold that against you.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission description and acceptance dialog are both very well-done.
Map "Chapter I, Ruben System":
Colorful map, nicely arranged.
Convo at map start:
-- Capt. Proffitt: "The details are in our mission logs, of course ... the Bastogne is frankly not equipped to handle a run in with the Romulans." -> "... handle a run-in with the Romulans."
Map is a little short, but I think it's long enough to avoid my "superfluous maps" rule.
Map "Chapter I, Ready Room":
Convo with Cdr. Somak:
-- The "engineering officer" dialogs seem to be grabbing one of my sci boffs rather than my engineer. Could easily be a season 9-induced glitch but you ought to check that. (Actually, as the mission went on it seemed more and more to be a glitch on Cryptic's end.)
-- The first time I played this I really enjoyed the work that clearly went into the world-building for the Heservat. The cultural details given here are believable and flow logically.
Map "Chapter II, Orith System":
Convo after hailing USS Uluru:
-- Engi boff: "Success, Captain! ... I've also detected automatted drones aboard..." -> "... I've also detected automated drones aboard..."
-- Tac boff: "The freighter's distress signal ... No one was onboard to sabotage..." -> "... No one was on board... " or "... No one was aboard ..."
-- Player to Cdr. Somak: "The Tal Shiar lured us away from Heservat with an ellaborate distress call ploy?" -> "... an elaborate ploy?"
Objectives: Space reach marker could use a blinker.
Map "Chapter III, Heservat System":
Reverse the polarity, lol.
Dialog puzzle:
-- Good, well-written dialog puzzle here. But there seems to be a logical error in the first answer. Somak's clues "High level of power to operate sensors" and "maneuvering around nebula and from system to system at great speeds" would seem to indicate the sensors and engines are both drawing high power, but the correct answer is that both sensors and engines are on low power.
-- "Proceed to the Cloaking Frequency"? Why not "proceed to the coordinates"? A frequency is a measurement, not a location.
Reach marker needs a blinker.
Convo:
-- Sci boff: "Off the port bow, sir. ... it took them nine-years to build ..." -> "... it took them nine years to build..."
Map "Chapter IV, Heservat III":
Convo at map start:
-- Bridge officer: "[ShipFullName] to away team. Captain, sensors have detected persons moving toward..." -> "... sensors have detected people moving toward ..."
Convo after second fight:
-- Tac boff: "The cargo hold is relatively south of your position... Sensors detect fourty-four flight-capable craft ..." -> "The cargo hold is south of your position ... Sensors detect forty-four flight-capable craft ..." We're on a planet. Planets have a magnetic north and south, unlike space.
Convo after beaming up cargo hold:
-- On the bridge officer's comment on magnetically accelerated projectile weapons being one step up from old Earth firearms, therefore the Heservat will be slaughtered. Eh, what?
Map "Chapter V, Bridge":
Convo with Cdr. Somak:
-- Somak: "Welcome back, Captain [LastName]. ... the crash and their missing compatriots, however when we make ..." -> "the crash and their missing compatriots. However, when we make ..."
-- The comment "I'll appeal to their sense of honor and duty" cracked me up.
-- Sci boff: "Not to worry, Captain. ... Twenty-minutes is all we'll need." -> "Twenty minutes is all we'll need."
-- Tac boff: "We should expose the Romulan's plot ..." -> "We should expose the Romulans' plot ..." Plural possessive, therefore apostrophe goes after the 's'.
Map "Chapter V, Sickbay":
Convo in sickbay:
-- Dr. Maczynski: "Hello Captain. There's been no shortage of excitment down here today." -> "Hello, Captain. There's been no shortage of excitement down here today."
-- Player response to "I figured you would ask that, sir.": "Two-years?" -> "Two years?"
Map "Chapter VI, Observation Deck:
Convo with Ferassa Gelter:
-- Player response to "Yes, I can see the logic in that.": "We will not interfer in the development of your planet." -> "We will not interfere in the development of your planet."
-- Player response to next dialog: "We are here to help" -> "We are here to help."
Convo with Adm. Lavoie:
-- Lavoie: "I sincerely hope so. ... Of course, they will have an ellaborate tale ..." -> "Of course, they will have an elaborate tale..."
-- Player response to "They know us too well, Captain.": "Commander Somak is at maximum Vulcan efficieny." -> "... maximum Vulcan efficiency."
Overall Score: 4.5/5. Would have tipped but reviews are down.
Pros: Well written dialog giving each NPC a distinct personality, the combat was balanced well, and the maps were pretty.
Cons: Some typos, plus an apparent error in the cloak detection puzzle.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Not only that, it starts at the old esd wall console #1. No missions with esd starting doors are currently working (unless it's an npc). I'll let you know if it gets fixed... otherwise, it won't be playable for another month or two until the editor comes back online.
Ack. My sympathies.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Okie dokie. Did you update any mission entry instructions? EDIT: NVM, you answered on FoundryTalk.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I will ask you play Honor of Ferasa purely for backstory first, but not a review. Its not fair to have a spotlight review. The two sequels however, are what I want reviews of.
Title: Honor of Orions
(KDF) Lv 35+
by @sirboulevard
Three weeks after the Shiassi incident on Ferasa, you are called back to Qo'nos at the request of Ambassador S'taass. Has the smoke cleared from that dark hour? Or has the darkness just started to move in?
Title:Honor of the Empire
(KDF) Lv 50+
by @sirboulevard
Following the incident with the Shiassi in the Azure Nebula, the Klingon High Council convenes to discuss the ongoing threat, only to find it knocking on their door. Win or lose, the Empire will be changed forever...
TRIBBLE Hydra! Hail Janeway!
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Was waiting for you to open to us.
TRIBBLE Hydra! Hail Janeway!
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Interesting style for the mission description. Reads kind of like a book blurb. Pretty cool.
Map "Abraxas System":
Nice-looking map, and a clever little call-back to TNG: "Peak Performance" in the dialog options. Hafta admit I've never exactly been a fan of the whole "we're explorers, not soldiers" schtick* so I took the "right away, sir" option.
Noticed on the third fight of this map that you used Romulan Republic mobs for the UAF drones.
* Line from the in-progress chapter of one of my fanfics: "Ensign, I'm only going to say this once. You are an officer in Starfleet, and that means that when the time comes for it you had damned well better be a soldier. Your first duty is to the truth, and your second is to protect others. Only after that do you get to your actual job description. Now come on, we've got work to do."
Map "Station Azure 9":
Oh, wow. Custom interior. Nice city, too.
And this is an unexpectedly nice touch, spawning a new interior around the player instead of using a map transition at the turbolift. But this is odd: is the floor in the big chamber supposed to be a whole bunch of force fields?
Convo with head research scientist:
-- Attack of the Clones? Really? (Actually, I spent the next minute or so trying not to laugh.)
Boff pathing seems a little off in the newly spawned interior, although I'm not really sure what you can do about that. (Isn't there a trick with spawning invisible walls that makes switching from a non-opening door to an opening door not TRIBBLE with pathing?) In any case, I ended up leaving my science officer in the room with the clones.
Eleya RP: "Sher hahr kosst. Nice of you idiots to warn me before I got into this that there were dissenting elements in this culture! Phekk'ta bureaucrats..."
Map "Abraxas III":
Nicely done atmospherics on this planet. Really feels like the irradiated wasteland it's supposed to be.
Why did I see that plot twist coming all the way back on the previous map? (Answer: Because I've been analyzing fiction too long.)
-- Eleya: "If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's feeling like I'm being used."
Oh. Wow. This is nice. Whole underground city here with a rocky roof. This is some damned impressive mapbuilding.
Convo with Abraxan idiot:
-- So, Too Dumb to Live in addition to an TRIBBLE$hole. And here I thought Janeway was the only person in the galaxy with few enough functioning neurons to try allying with the Borg. 'Spose it's time to save a species from its leader's abject stupidity (not to mention, you know, treason against the galaxy).
Map "Abraxas System #2":
That was a nice touch with the "Attack Pattern [LastName] Omicron Theta" bit. Apparently I was awarded the Grankite Order of Tactics at some point and didn't notice. ;P Also, nice trick reskinning a frigate group as the three sections of a Prometheus-class.
And that'll teach you Abraxan idiots not to attack a Series 23 Galaxy-class starship in a fighter. Schmucks.
So that's John Paul Jones and Independence Day in two consecutive conversations.
Aaaaand Forgotten Phlebotinum. Why is my chief engineer dicking around with annular confinement beams and such to get past a transporter scrambler when I have this nifty thing called a shuttlebay? (Yes, I looked back through the comms logs. Only shuttlebays 1 and 3 got decompressed, implying an intact bay 2, and there's also these nifty things called EV suits.)
-- Oh, hang on. Spoke too soon. Forgot these were hab domes instead of the actual planet. Still, I think there's a sky option that would make that more clear, a starry sky with a sort of energy grid overlaid. Admirison used it for a hab dome on Luna in "Worlds of the Federation".
Map "Station Azure 9 #2":
Oh boy. Platformer puzzle. Well, I suppose that practice on Nimbus yesterday to get those exploration accolades will come in handy.
And can I say that Premier Traitor is even more of an idiot than I first thought? "Take me as your hostage instead"? More like "Oi, smeghead, next time you want to use a human shield, why don't you try standing where, you know, she can actually shield you?" *shoots moronic traitor in the face with MACO battle rifle*
Map "Facility One":
Huh. Okay, that twist I did not see coming.
Convo with sci boff at objective "Reconfigure the Transwarp Network":
-- The comment from my tac and the player response made me chuckle.
-- Sci boff: "As I was saying, before being interrupted, that node is filled with highly volitile plasma." -> "... highly volatile plasma."
Convo with standoff between Abraxans and The First felt a little sudden. Felt like it should've taken more convincing to get them to knock it off.
Overall Score: 5/5. Would have tipped but reviews are down.
Pros: Very, very good ground maps and some nice triggerwork. Dialog was well done and the boffs felt like they had distinct personalities.
Cons: Needs a warning to replicate frequency remodulators somewhere. Denouement felt a little bit abrupt as previously noted, and hab dome map would do better with a different sky.
Other than that, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and call this spotlight quality. Bravo!
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
A few comments:
Long story as to why the floor is the way it is... but I dig it.
Haha. It's ok... it's supposed to be funny.
I've commented on this in other review responses. I have done everything possible to minimize the pathing issue. At this point, let's just say your boffs are free to roam about the building a little bit... maybe they are looking for snacks.
And packed in between those two lines are quotes/references from TNG, WoK, DS9, ST: FC and Shakespeare (misattributed to the klingons).
You would've gotten a kick out of the bonus objective on the next map, which jokes about this exact idea, had you found it.
Early versions of that map had that sky but I chose not to use it. If you were forced to live in an orbiting geodesic dome, would you prefer to look at a grid and black space or a beautiful blue sky? Your boff comments that the sky is "obviously the work of a holoemitter" the first time you visit the station. I kept thinking about that luxury ship from BSG. The overall reason, of course, is for contrast.
Yeah... it's compressed for the sake a brevity. What it's missing is the big speech from your captain.
Thanks again for the review. I really appreciate it.
Oh, I see. 'Fraid I missed that line completely.
I think actually this might be a good place to not go for brevity. I had this idea to put in something similar to the paragon and renegade persuade options to end the Geth-Quarian War in Mass Effect 3. Paragon is basically a Patrick Stewart Speech, while Renegade has Shepard b*tch them out and tell the quarians she is done saving their stupid asses and that if they want to die pointlessly they're welcome to it.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV
Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.
Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
And I'll have a max level Fed Rom in less than an hour, so bring on the Rom missions!
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "No Prize for Second Contact II" by @Contactpsi, Stardate 91969.98.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Ran this mission using my Fed Rom 'cause I needed the dil.
Mission description and entry text both look good.
Map "Chapter I, Argelius System":
Hey, the spawn-a-new-system trick! Always fun to see people doing that. And a well-designed map, with good visuals to go with the dialog descriptions.
Convo between Capt. Proffitt and the Romulan:
-- Proffitt: "Commander, our shields are down... encryption I've placed on the main comp<line break>uter. ..." -> "... on the main computer. ..."
-- Player response to "You're on, Captain.": "Sounds like a reasonable hyopthesis to me, Captain." -> "Sounds like a reasonable hypothesis to me, Captain."
Just wondering, is the shuttlecraft Tyson supposed to refer to Neil DeGrasse Tyson?
Map "Chapter II, The Satellite":
Just wondering, were we supposed to materialize facing a wall? If not, might want to check that: could be an S9 glitch. *beat* Oh, hang on, is that supposed to be from us exiting the back of the shuttle?
Convo at containers:
-- The little banter with your away team here was really funny, especially the bit where you tell off your tac for tempting fate.
Clever little piece of work there. Really felt a Star Trekky way to solve the problem. And the triggerwork with the Romulans blasting the station was a nice touch. (Somebody remind me what that "shaking and creaking" effect is? I need that for one of the maps in B&S II.)
Map "Chapter II, Argelius System":
TL;DR of the Romulan commander: "Calling to gloat, eh?" Well, at least he's a gracious loser.
Map "Chapter III, The Bridge":
Convo with Profitt et al. in ready room:
-- As before, I'm very impressed with the effort that went into the worldbuilding for the Heservat. And may I say, the Heservat political situation is exactly why civilian control and oversight over the military, as we have here in the States in real life (and as I imagine they have in the Federation), is a good thing.
-- Cdr. Uldrassi: "If they appear and offer 25th century technology... met with extreme resistance, even with ..." -> "... extreme resistance. Even with ..."
Map "Chapter IV, Security Office":
Um. The security officer appears to be invisible. I don't recall that happening the last time I played this so I assume it's an S9-induced bug, but you oughta look into that.
Convo with Cdr. Somak:
-- Somak: "Yes, Captain. ... a spy for the New Romulan Empire." I'm not sure when this mission was uploaded, but was the NRE supposed to be the Romulan Republic or another splinter state?
Nice job constructing the prison cells.
Convo with SLT. Dartek:
-- Player respose to "We have redundancies.": "You're smarter than this" -> "You're smarter than this."
-- Dartek: "Even if I were to help ... immunity to persecution." -> "... immunity from prosecution."
Convo with Adm. Lavoie:
-- Lavoie: "You have it, Captain. ... I will being preparing ..." -> "... I will begin preparing ..."
Convo with Dartek:
-- Dartek: "I don't know exactly. ... the proto-type phase discriminators ..." -> "... the prototype phase discriminators ..."
Map "Chapter V, Heservat III":
The map looks well-arranged, and that was a nice touch with the "random list of individuals" and the crossdressing Bajoran. Good way around the design-your-own-boff thing.
Interact text "Discrete Tricorder Scan" -> "Discreet Tricorder Scan"
Nice touch with the angry mob bit.
Convo with Administrator Tedrik:
-- Tedrik: "Well. There. ... some proper aide." -> "... some proper aid."
Objectives: "Move to a Discrete Location" -> "Move to a Discreet Location"
Map "Chapter VI, Hidden Base":
Some rough fights in this stage but not super-hard. Also, the twist ending is nice.
Overall Score: 4.5/5. Would have tipped but reviews are down.
Pros: Good map arrangement, judicious and well-done triggerwork, and an impressive "How do we pull a win out of this one?" twist ending.
Cons: More typos than I'm generally willing to put up with.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I hope your doing well. I know reviews are down but I'd like to enter my mission to your queue if possible. The mission info as follows:
Mission Name: Homage to Galris
Author: Joe_King
Minimum Level: Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFAZTV5AX
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 45 minutes
Mission Description: As the war with the Klingons wages on you and your gallant crew are called to Risa to investigate an incident aboard the U.S.S. Missouri. The Missouri was escorting the Andorian and Galrisian ambassadors to a trade conference between member and non-member worlds. All is not as it seems and the future of the Federation depends on your actions. Can you solve the mystery and save the Federation from a threat within its borders?
Thanks for your consideration!
Joe_King
Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
Destiny Darkly Ep-01
Visit my youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/Akurie369?feature=watch
Captain Bi Shonen's official Thread! http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?p=22866531#post22866531
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "No Prize for Second Contact III" by @Contactpsi, Stardate 92026.93.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission description and entry text both look good.
Map "Chapter I, Bridge":
Nice touch with having the ability to say, "Hell with the Prime Directive, these people need help." And the spy/politial thriller feel of the early part of this mission is fun.
I also like the "snarky"/"not snarky" choice at the start of the convo with Ferassa. Combine the "snarky" with the "sorry" on the next option and it gets a nice feel of your captain feeling a bit stressed over this mess.
Map "Chapter II, Mess Hall":
I remember enjoying the handling of the hostage negotiation on this map the last time I played it. Very well-written, and the part where you get to out-sneak the Romulan cracked me up. I believe the term is "Morton's Fork": If you pick one choice, bad things happen, and if you pick the other, the same bad things happen but for a different reason.
Map "Chapter III, Sickbay":
Not really a whole lot to say about this map, just the lull before the storm as it were.
Map "Chapter III, Transporter Room":
Moving right along. Just talk on this map.
Map "Chapter IV, Future's Council":
And here we are. This would've been a nice place to use my dress uniform if I had made one.
Convo with Speaker Kurwher:
-- Player response to "She looks to the police...": "We are here to make contact as you journey into space" -> "... journey into space."
Convo with Council Engineer:
-- Council Engineer: "I hope that is true. My brother will not believe me even if I were promitted to tell him about you." -> "My brother would not believe me even if I were permitted to tell him about you."
Ok, nice dialog puzzle, although it leaves you wondering if there's actually a correct answer. Granted, "riddle for the ages" is still a solution.
Something I'll say for Romulan ground mobs: what they lack in trickery they make up for in toughness.
Overall Score: 5/5. 100 dil tip.
Pros: Extremely well-written with good application of mission choice. This series just keeps getting better and better and I'm looking forward to playing part four.
Cons: Couple minor typos.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I was just checking your review queue, and I noticed you had A Personal Favour listed as ...Favor. Please note that because the mission in-game uses ...Favour, searching for "a personal favor" won't find it.
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
Thanks for the correction. Fixed.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Sorry about that!