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StarSword-C's Detailed Reviews of Foundry Missions
starswordc
Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
So, I've gotten involved in Foundry mission reviews and have decided to make a thread of detailed playthrough reviews for them, much like Stoutes and Evil70th.
A detailed review is made during play, so I'll be jotting down side comments in addition to stuff I like and stuff you might want to change. I will also look for typos, point them out, and highlight my changes in red. I also RP a bit, and may note where race-specific dialog options might be useful (ref: my remarks on "The Bajoran" by djf021). Lack of them is not a black mark against you, just something to consider adding.
I review Starfleet missions using a budget, semi-canon weapons-booster build of the T4 Galaxy-class exploration cruiser. The build can be found on STO Academy here. This is partly to see how difficult the mission is combatwise if you don't have a crazy-minmaxed ship (I found running missions in my Fleet Avenger to be too easy
), and partly because there's just something about the GCS I like.
I review on a full five-point scale. One star out of five is given only if there are game-breaking bugs, such as the issue in "Left to Die" where the player's ship spawns inside an asteroid. Five out of five is given if I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the mission was well-written and well-choreographed, and if there aren't any major typos (I'm a bit of a grammar TRIBBLE). Remember, this is one man's opinion, not absolute fact.
Current queue status.
RULES:
-- Post your mission details (at minimum, title, your in-game handle, faction, minimum level, and a link to your mission's forum thread if you have one) and I will add them to the queue/.
-- I will also occasionally review missions on my own, for example in the review-trading thread, and will repost here.
-- I do not review grinders or farmers because I hate them and think Cryptic should give General Order 24 against all of them.
-- I physically cannot review any mission starting at the Donatu System in Eta Eridani Sector Block because the system is bugged for me (its interact dialog will not show up except for the Cryptic mission "Skirmish").
I can review Fed, KDF, and Fed Rom missions of any level.
A detailed review is made during play, so I'll be jotting down side comments in addition to stuff I like and stuff you might want to change. I will also look for typos, point them out, and highlight my changes in red. I also RP a bit, and may note where race-specific dialog options might be useful (ref: my remarks on "The Bajoran" by djf021). Lack of them is not a black mark against you, just something to consider adding.
I review Starfleet missions using a budget, semi-canon weapons-booster build of the T4 Galaxy-class exploration cruiser. The build can be found on STO Academy here. This is partly to see how difficult the mission is combatwise if you don't have a crazy-minmaxed ship (I found running missions in my Fleet Avenger to be too easy
), and partly because there's just something about the GCS I like.I review on a full five-point scale. One star out of five is given only if there are game-breaking bugs, such as the issue in "Left to Die" where the player's ship spawns inside an asteroid. Five out of five is given if I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the mission was well-written and well-choreographed, and if there aren't any major typos (I'm a bit of a grammar TRIBBLE). Remember, this is one man's opinion, not absolute fact.
Current queue status.
RULES:
-- Post your mission details (at minimum, title, your in-game handle, faction, minimum level, and a link to your mission's forum thread if you have one) and I will add them to the queue/.
-- I will also occasionally review missions on my own, for example in the review-trading thread, and will repost here.
-- I do not review grinders or farmers because I hate them and think Cryptic should give General Order 24 against all of them.
-- I physically cannot review any mission starting at the Donatu System in Eta Eridani Sector Block because the system is bugged for me (its interact dialog will not show up except for the Cryptic mission "Skirmish").
I can review Fed, KDF, and Fed Rom missions of any level.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Post edited by starswordc on
0
Comments
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Map of the observatory (forgot to check the name):
Interesting way to build a transporter pad. Nice for a unique look.
Love all the little details like the racks of ship models.
Love the HHGTTG shout-out in the bar, and the cantina area looks very good. (They're even preparing food by hand instead of replicating!)
Console in room with Undine says "Interact" instead of something custom.
Convo with L'var:
-- Player: "It still is weighing heavilly on my mind." -> "... heavily on my mind."
-- Player: "Your still not as Vulcan as I am." -> "You're..." or "You are..."
Convo with Kurland and Garak:
-- The facsimile of Kurland is okay. I think his skin tone is grayer in the game but we don't have access to it.
-- Dialog headed "Naturally." is missing Kurland's face.
-- I don't think Cardassians have mustaches or eyebrows like Garak's clerk does.
-- Good job duplicating Garak's dialog patterns, but I think you made his eyes and nose slightly too large.
-- Player: "What is hs password?" -> "... his password?"
-- Garak: "Your welcome Captain ..." -> "You're welcome, Captain..."
Map "Deep Space":
Transwarp conduit says "Interact" instead of something custom.
Just wondering, what the heck asset did you use for that yellow flash when the ship goes to transwarp? Never seen it before.
Upon reaching the end of the transwarp, I personally would have triggered the appearance of the new star system with an interact object using the "warp in" animation. Going back to impulse felt a little sudden without it.
Map "Droxine City Spaceport":
Clever security scanner design, and I always find custom-built interiors impressive because I don't have the patience to construct them.
Convo with historian:
-- First two dialogue options need periods at the end.
-- Did I travel through time? Because the current year in Star Trek Online is 2409, and the historian claims Droxine was under Cardassian rule until 2411.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail shout-out FTW!
Map "Droxine City":
Interesting parkour scenario.
Why reskinned Jem'Hadar and Romulans as Cardassian mobs instead of just Cardassians?
Map "Dive Bar":
Wisest Tribble console says "Interact" instead of something custom.
Just a side comment, the Amphibian is quite possibly the weirdest rubber-forehead alien I've ever seen anybody make in the Foundry.
Convo with the Amphibian:
-- Amphibian: ... on one of the moons of Kinjun II" is missing a period at the end, as is the player's response to it.
Objectives: The word 'commission' has two 'm's.
Convo with tentacle alien:
-- Player: Unnaceptable -> Unacceptable. One 'n', two 'c's.
Convo with Butler Okona at dabo table:
-- Okona: "Your in Starfleet. Why not take one of you own ships?" -> "You're in Starfleet. Why not take one of your own ships?"
-- Player: "I will pay you handsomely" missing period.
-- Okona: "... with the Thot and his crony's." -> "... with the Thot and his cronies."
Was something supposed to happen with the Nausicaans? He just said "You are a dead man!" and let me walk past.
Convo with Kell on ship:
-- Okona over PA system:
---- "Ships public adress" -> "Ship's public address"
---- "Heading is set we are ready to go to warp." -> "Heading is set. We are ready to go to warp." or something similar.
Map "Moon Surface":
I like the way the map is set up to allow you to sneak between and around the Breen mob groups if you time it right. You are supposed to be being stealthy here, after all.
Map transition dialog:
-- Tac Officer: "thoseexplosives" -> "those explosives"
Map "Abandoned Mine":
Objectives: "Set up us the bomb"? Zero Wing? Really? (Not criticizing, just made me roll my eyes a bit.)
Second charge, inside the mine, is already visible when "Set up charges" interact is up. I would change that one to an invisible object or something of that nature. It also fails to disappear after detonating.
Why are my boffs suddenly attacking the magma?
Crate on one of the catwalks in the southwestern room is floating in midair.
Map "Erstwhile V Interior":
Initial interact object says "Interact" instead of something custom.
Convo with tac officer:
-- "... has a forcfield door." -> "... has a forcefield door."
I like the way you handled the explosive decompression effect.
Convo with Trajan:
-- "I am ammassing a fortune here and you and your crew have gotten in my way. Lets just say..." -> I am amassing a fortune here and you and your crew have gotten in my way. Let's just say..."
Convo with Erstwhile V crew:
-- Sshallah: "Were gonna need a miracle Captain!" -> "We're gonna need a miracle, Captain!"
Map "Kinjun II":
Why reskinned Hirogen as Breen mobs instead of just using Breen?
Overall score: 4/5.
Pros: The maps are extremely well-designed and choreographed. I particularly liked the spaceport map and the explosive decompression effect. I also found the various shout-outs amusing. Finally, I really liked how well you duplicated Elim Garak's speech patterns (he's one of my favorite DS9 characters).
Cons: A lot of typos, particularly underuse of commas (early on I gave up trying to keep track of them except when there was another typo to grab). Also some questionable mob choices.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I tested this using the USS Bajor NCC-97238, a Galaxy-class exploration cruiser with a semi-canonical budget loadout.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission offer popup is a little clinical, and based on the storyline you could have easily been more unique and used the Cryptic map Hathon itself as the starting point rather than going to the overused console at Earth Spacedock.
Map "Warp":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
Map transition dialogue:
-- Player: "Go to Warp7 !" -> "Go to Warp 7!"
Map "Plotting a course through Bajoran space":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest. Hathon, Bajor's capital city, is available as a Cryptic map and could easily be used as the mission starting point instead of running through two unnecessary maps.
Map "Bajoran Surface":
The map is extremely empty. What I would have done instead is build an interior map (your contact's house, or whatever) reached via the Hathon Cryptic map, or possibly just have the entire conversation with your contact done over a screen and then enter the mission proper from one of the map's entry points.
Failing that, use the Bajoran System as the mission entry point from sector space (I think we can do that but I haven't checked). Use the costume designer to randomly generate several Bajoran costumes and scatter them about the mission. You can also reskin Federation mobs as Bajorans and use the "Patrol" behavior to get groups of people walking around. If you haven't already done so, I recommend you take a look at Kirkfat's tutorial videos for more information on NPC behavior settings (I don't have the link handy but it's in the Useful Links thread in my forum signature under Guides IIRC).
Map "Deep Space Nine (Space)":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
Map "Deep Space Nine (Station)":
Similar problem as the Hathon map: The place could use some livening up. You don't need the whole station, though: Consider blocking off part of it (maybe the sections down- and up-spin from spawn and your contact are closed off for maintenance and blocked off with barricades of some sort).
Map "Warp to Cardassia":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
Map "Cardassian Space":
Convo with True Way captain:
-- Consider using a premade Cardassian costume for the captain so you can get the uniform.
Fight comments:
-- Setting issue: The True Way are Cardassian ultra-nationalists. I don't personally see them using Nausicaan hired guns; they'd be more likely to use their own people. I'd swap the Nausicaans out for Cardie mobs.
-- Side comment: Whatever guff people give Cryptic's version of the Galaxy-class starship in this game, I'd forgotten how good the USS Bajor looked with all batteries firing, and how fun it is to surprise mobs with a rear-facing torpedo launcher. Torpedo: Spread I + Quantum Torpedo Launcher Mk X [Acc] [CrtD] = cool win.
Map "Conference Room":
Map could be removed without affecting story flow. If it were me, I would place an invisible object on the previous map, with the activation animation being the transporter beam. You then make the conversation with the Cardassians a storyboard dialogue. And then maybe while you were grabbing them, the True Way captain called for reinforcements.
Convo with Alket and Taselle:
-- Dialog header: "Memory Alpha is reknowned, even on Cardassia Prime." -> "Memory Alpha is renowned, even on Cardassia Prime."
Map with transwarp conduit (didn't catch the name):
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest. Or, in this case, you could have had the True Way captain call for reinforcements.
Map "Exiting Transwarp":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
Map "Memory Alpha":
Map's first couple of rooms are very empty and could use additional details like consoles and equipment and the like.
You should use the "Legacy Contact" behavior for Nurse Rassa. That way she won't spam her chat bubble. See Kirkfat's tutorial videos for more information on how to program "Legacy Contact" behavior.
Taselle, Alket, and Laakar should just have their names over their heads when you mouse over them. You should change the contacts' names (not the costumes, just their instances on the map) to the characters' names.
Fight with the Circle:
-- Consider having an NPC explain who the Circle are, for the benefit of players who haven't seen the season two premiere of Deep Space Nine. I have watched those episodes recently and I only remembered who they were a few minutes later.
-- On a technical perspective, the Bajoran assassins all have numbers after them. You should change each actor to just "Bajoran Assassin". As for the mobs used, I don't have a problem with your choice of Orions for reskinning, though I personally would have used reskinned True Way. (In Deep Space Nine, Cardassian and Bajoran small arms shoot the same color phaser beam, given that the latter stole most of their weapons from the former.)
The Breen NPC is titled "Breen Commander Science Male 01". Consider naming him something unique.
The console for objective "Identify which viral proteins must be disabled." has an unattached screen that is currently floating in midair. Consider changing consoles or backing it up against something.
Objectives could be less wordy. Conciseness matters for these a lot more than it does for character dialogue (people run off at the mouth, objectives should be short and to-the-point).
Side comment: Teehee, I get to perform experiments on one of those annoying little puffballs!
Map "Return to Beta Ursae Sector Block":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
Map about returning to Bajor (didn't catch the title):
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
Map "Bajor Planet (End)":
I bypassed the force field by walking in from the side of the building before I realized the guard was out in front of it. You either need more force fields, or you need to place it blocking the door itself (I personally would do the latter: it's less work).
Cure crate is floating about 0.1 meters off the ground (guesstimating). I would turn off snap-to-grid temporarily and adjust its y-coordinate.
Map "Bajoran Space Final":
Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.
The spawn point is inside Bajor's atmosphere and most Starfleet ships really aren't supposed to go any lower than low orbit. I would move the spawn point further away from the planet.
Overall Score: 2/5.
Pros: The story concept is good and the dialogue is usually okay.
Cons: The dialogue is a bit flat at times (for example: Taselle just had her father get murdered right in front of her, but then in the next room she's all business). And the maps need work. Easily half of them could be culled completely without really affecting anything, and the ones to keep are awfully empty.
EDIT: aleniskendra is doing a revamp of the mission. I'll re-review when s/he's finished.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Just to reiterate, for other readers of this review... I will be doing a major overhaul of this mission, just as soon as my Foundry capability is restored. (It's down, due to the game update.)
(Also, a quick shout-out, please visit Starbase UGC for all your Foundry needs!)
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Thanks for the support, Stoutes!
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Faction: Fed
Level: 35+
@voporak
The picture in my sig is a link to the thread. Right now it's not available since missions are still being republished and I haven't been able to see if it got broken.
Whenever the missions get re-published, that is...
Mission Name: Contact Squared Part 1
Author: eldil
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDKD38CDP
Estimated Mission Length: 1hour 30minutes
Mission Name: Contact Squared Part 2
Author: eldil
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJID8YSBG
Estimated Mission Length: 1hour 30 minutes
My Missions
Contact Squared Part 1
Contact Squared Part 2
Contact Squared: Tribunal (coming soon)
Contact Squared: Shadows (coming... not as soon...)
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I tested this using the USS Bajor NCC-97238, a Galaxy-class exploration cruiser with a semi-canonical budget loadout.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission acceptance dialog is ... really different than I'm used to. I'm not used to it having it be done out-of-character. Mind you, it's not necessarily bad different, just different.
Map "Sienae System":
Map entry dialog:
-- Side comment: That's a very well written opening. Really feels like a Picard narration.
-- Science Officer: "Captain, I've isolated the source of the energy signature; it's coming from..." -> "Captain, I've isolated the source of the energy signature. It's coming from..." Mind you, semicolon versus period-and-new-sentence is a gray area in English grammar, so consider this one optional.
I question whether this map is strictly necessary, as it has only one objective. However, there's enough story justification for me to let it slide.
Map "Isolane Nebula 1":
Map entry dialog:
-- Backstory discussion about you taking command of your ship after Vega may need to be adjusted slightly to take the new Fed tutorial into account.
Bug: There's a popup dialog involving a cloaked ship that seems to have fired at the wrong time.
Good job using blinkers to mark the targets. However, consider changing out the satellite blinkers for plain blinkers.
Nice callback to the Devidian story arc.
Convo with Ferengi freighter captain:
-- "I carry goods to the Romulan Empire on behalf of the Feregni Alliance." -> "I carry goods to the Romulan Empire on behalf of the Ferengi Alliance."
-- Side comment: Nice bit of Quote-to-Quote Combat with the Rules of Acquisition.
Convo with Reman Warbird:
-- Narrator: "As you consider your options, you mind..." -> "As you consider your options, your mind..."
Map "Vendetta Interior":
I chose the stealth track on normal.
Good puzzle on that console. I actually had to think about that one.
Overall, an extremely well-choreographed map. Well done!
Map "Isolane Nebula 2":
I chose to fight, 'cause those TRIBBLE$holes had it coming.
Map "Epilogue":
Good dialogue but I question the necessity of the map. I would have stayed on the previous map, turned everything invisible, and used an "interact with object" objective with the "warp out" animation to turn everything invisible, followed by a warp field animation.
Overall Score: 4.5/5. As far as I'm concerned, you can give it a few tweaks and submit it for spotlighting!
Pros: Extremely good writing and well-choreographed maps, and excellent work creating mission choice.
Cons: Needs a few minor touch-ups in places, and as noted the last map could probably be safely removed.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Also, I'm working on putting together a KDF char so I can review Klingon missions. He'll be a Lethean engineer named Brokosh.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Great to hear you've enjoyed CSG1! Ashame you lost the review
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "Collectiveness Strikes Gold" by @stoutes, Stardate 91517.8 (11/30/2013). Originally posted here.
I tested this using the USS Bajor NCC-97238, a Galaxy-class exploration cruiser with a semi-canonical budget loadout.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
Mission acceptance dialog used one of my tac boffs, but the description is more like something the player's superiors would say. Something to think about.
Map transition dialog feels a little redundant to the mission acceptance dialog. Consider changing it to a boff saying we've arrived or something.
Map "Hotep III":
Gorgeous space map. Love the colors.
Convo with alien officer as you approach the base:
-- Weird alien is weird. ;P
-- Player response to dialog starting with "You heard me!" : "You are stepping over your bounds officer..." -> "You are overstepping your bounds, officer..."
-- Alien: "At this moment we're fine. ... You're not funder any obligation to help them, but ..." -> "You're not under any obligation to help them, but..."
Optional conversations are a little difficult to find, but any way I can think to redo them would be fairly clunky. (About the only other way would be to use NPC optional dialog and "Dialog Prompt Reached" triggers to switch trees.)
Convo with captain of SS Valdorean:
-- Player response to dialog starting with "That'll be great!": "That doesn't sound like a space worthy... Nevermind. They'll probably enjoy it" -> "That doesn't sound like a spaceworthy... Never mind. They'll probably enjoy it."
Side comment: Convo with the "Vulcanol" or whatever it was guy made me basically go, "WTF?"
Convo with USS Nio Achmun-B:
-- I question whether the "-B" is strictly necessary in the contact's title, but that's peanuts.
Map "Cestus III":
Another pretty space map. I particularly like the interplay of colors between the nebula, planet, and sun.
Convo upon reaching station:
-- Science boff: "Scanning the wreckages now." -> "Scanning the wreckage now."
Hey, it's Kell! I remember lincolninspace mentioning you'd borrowed her for this.
Map "Cestus III Outpost":
Very impressive greebling and explosion trigger work. That must've taken a lot of reach markers.
Convo with A'laik Djibouti:
-- Djibouti: "How come... How come there's someone after all!" I'm unclear what she's trying to say here. Consider rephrasing.
Convo with redshirt made me chuckle. A redshirt who's genre savvy, who'd've expected that? The "Must be his costume" dialog option and my tac Tess's response were just icing on the cake.
I keep seeing these popup messages from reach markers and wonder what they're quoting.
Convo with Dook ur Shann:
-- Side comment: Another wonderfully weird alien.
Map "Cestus III Outpost lower level":
More great map design.
Side comment: Hey, Admiral Fautor. Didn't I SPOILER FOR PURITY kill you last month?
Side comment: A fully clothed Orion female. There's a first.
Convo with Engi upon reaching room with people hiding in it:
-- Engi Officer: "Oh my... I can't get in contact the [ShipName]." -> "I can't get in contact with the [ShipName]."
Convo with P'tiir:
-- P'tiir: "... My body... Blunt of... explosion.." -> "Brunt of... explosion."
-- Good dialog puzzle. I failed that the first time I played this.
Convo with Arianna Adlam:
-- Adlam: "Help the others, [Rank]. I'm rather unscaved." -> "I'm rather unscathed."
Convo with Ferasan who had a chunk of metal in his leg (didn't catch the name):
-- Science Officer: "His wounds are severe... There, he's lucky being a Ferasan." -> "There, he's lucky he's a Ferasan."
Convo with Mr'and:
-- Side comment: I wanted to smack this guy. Complaining about a stomachache when the station's about to come down around his ears?
Convo with Sg. For-Evigt:
-- Player responses to "It's time to kick those responsible's butts...":
--- "Please hold still" needs a period on the end.
--- "Didn't you meant bubble gum?..." -> "Didn't you mean bubble gum?..."
Debris on southwest corner of room with sheltering people in it is floating about a meter off the ground.
Map "AHA-312481":
Another beautiful space map. Good nebula arrangement in particular.
Map entry dialogue:
-- Science Officer: "[Rank], I'm reading massive amounts of borg debris in this sector!" -> "[Rank], I'm reading massive amounts of Borg debris in this sector!"
-- Science Officer: "Aye [Rank], There's a lot of debris floating around, if we investigate the planet residual pieces, ..." -> "Aye, [Rank]. There's a lot of debris floating around. If we investigate the pieces, ..." Part grammar, part unnecessary words.
-- Engineering Officer: "[Rank], i am reading a lot of residual nanite particles." -> "[Rank], I am reading a lot of residual nanite particles."
A well-balanced fight. I enjoyed that.
Convo after fight with spheres:
-- Player response to "[Rank], I suggest we start...": "That sounds fine, is there anything we should need to know?" -> "That sounds fine. Is there anything we should know?"
Map "Borg Research Vessel":
I'm not very familiar with this map so I can't tell how much of the greebling is you and how much is the map, but in any case it looks good.
A lot of the boff face calls in this map seem to be calling the one aboard ship instead of the one on the away team. Something to consider looking into.
Side comment: Solidified Borg. Overworked Borg. Strangely behaving Borg. Overqualified Borg. Wait, what?
Convo at partially assimilated Romulan:
-- Science Officer: [Rank], This Romulan seemed to be in the beginning stages of assimilation." -> "[Rank], this Romulan seems to be in the beginning stages of assimilation."
-- Player response to Sci: "Unfortunatly, we don't have the time to investigate" -> "Unfortunately, we don't have the time to investigate."
Map "AHA-312481":
Convo with Mol Rehan:
-- Contact name: "Mol Rehan" -> "Mol'Rihan". Assuming it's supposed to be "New Romulus" in Romulan, anyway. If it isn't, ignore me.
-- Player response: "They dont answer, do they" -> "They don't answer, do they?"
Convo with Starfleet officer:
-- Officer: "We're almost there, [Rank]. I suggest you prepare yourself, our scanners telling us the Borg reinforcements are nearing your position." -> "I suggest you prepare yourself. Our scanners tell us Borg reinforcements are nearing your position."
Comments on the fight:
-- You've got the Borg using the warp-in animation, which only really works properly if the warping ship enters combat immediately. On my two playthroughs I've always had one of the Borg start cycling the animation (first time around it was a sphere, this time it was the cube). Not sure what you could do to fix it but it's something to think about.
-- The first time I played this it took forever to kill the cube. Don't know why for certain but part of it was that it was tank (me) versus tank (cube). Neither of us could do much damage to the other for whatever reason.
Convo with Starfleet officer after fight:
-- Officer: "Let the thinking over to us, we know what's good for you." -> "Let us handle the thinking." or something similar.
Overall Score: 4/5.
Pros: Gorgeous maps and impressive triggerwork. Great job with the explosion choreography on the space station maps in particular.
Cons: Mostly just typos, in particular a lot of dialog options that are missing periods on the ends. (I gave up trying to keep track of those unless there was another typo to grab.) Also, there's a couple spots where the silly feels incongruous (Korn Flakes was a little much, and then there's the Caitian with the stomachache).
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
*reposted my comments in my own topic
I tested this using the USS Bajor NCC-97238, a Galaxy-class exploration cruiser with a semi-canonical budget loadout.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
The mission description is well-written and eye-catching, but it needs to clearly state where the entry door is. I forgot where to go in the two minutes it took me to get to Starfleet Academy from picking up the USS Bajor in the ESD shipyard. Now, I admittedly have a brain with holes big enough to fly a Voth city-ship through, but it was annoying to drop and restart because I couldn't remember where to go.
The mission acceptance dialog has a similar issue. These kinds of directions should be given out-of-character. There is no obvious transporter room on the Starfleet Academy map, so you should give clearer directions. For example, "Walk through the door to the right of the Exchange counter in Academy Building #4, take the first right, and enter the door at the far end of the hall."
Cryptic map "Starfleet Academy":
Not much to say here. Just the place you go to enter the mission. Once you figure out which door to go through (see previous notes), the map transition is well-marked and not likely to be confused with any other mission. (Kinda hard to get more clear than "Begin Mission: 'Worlds of the Federation'." ;P)
Map "British Columbia":
Side comment: Never seen anyone try a black Rigelian before. Interesting choice.
As a rule, I dislike maps that just have one minor thing to do on them ("go here" in this case) and then transition. You could easily remove this map and not affect mission flow. In fact, it would make a little more sense to beam straight to a transporter pad in the Special Projects building instead of having me land outside in the rain. :P SPOILER Except it turns out later that this is a plot point. Ya fooled the heck out of me.
Map "Starfleet Special Projects":
Map feels a little empty and could do with a little more NPC activity and/or greebling. The big room at the end in particular has a bunch of guys just kinda standing around.
Convo with Lloyd Rose:
-- Love the little Trek history nods in this conversation.
Convo with Rowam:
-- Good job with the alien costume. Familiar enough to be recognizably Vorta but clearly a very original character. (Granted, Vorta's pretty simple as aliens go.) I'm also amused to see that in your JJverse reference you've apparently got a much better sense of scale than Abrams' scriptwriter. (100-kilometer maximum range for beaming a grapefruit, indeed...)
-- Continuity error: Dating. Where Rowam says "in just a year or so Deep Space 9 was shrugging off polaron blasts and blocking Jem'Hadar from beaming", etc. There were actually four years between first contact with the Jem'Hadar in "The Jem'Hadar" and the Second Battle of Deep Space 9 in "Call to Arms".
Map "Armstrong Reserve (Sol IIIa)":
Ok, for a second there my suspension of disbelief went and cried in a corner because I thought I'd beamed straight onto the lunar surface. Then I looked up and noticed the hexagon patterns and realized it was a hab dome. This is a nice-looking map. Buildings in intelligent spots, great backdrop use.
Convo with the nutjob in the east:
-- Side comment: Conversation made me chuckle. What a nutter.
-- The science boff call seems to have used the one on my ship instead of my away team. I recognize the purple alien as the default for shipboard (that's bugged beyond our control).
Convo with the alien child:
-- Side comment: Very creative world-building here.
Map "New Xinjiang (Sol IV)":
Map is a little on the empty side. I'd expect the estate grounds in particular to have a bit more activity.
Convo with Alisa Skye-Wong:
-- Bit of a setting issue, but I think they eventually settled on Earth specifically having abolished money, not the whole Federation. Kasidy Yates was human, but she ran cargo for profit. And, as I have said many times, there's a lot more than just humans in the Federation (remember especially that Ferengi are Fed-playable in this game). Some dialog options for nonhumans, or for non-Earthborn humans even, would be a nice RP addition on this map.
-- Minor point when Lloyd Rose joins the conversation. I'd have preferred an option more like, "I'm sure there's a better use of Starfleet's time than doing household chores." The complainy option seems childish. But you made up for that in spades with the sarcastic remark about not calling in an orbital strike. I about died!
Objectives comment: Nice job doing two parallel objective chains. But you probably should've put a rear gate in the compound's wall.
Map "Imdr (Sol II)":
This is an excellently constructed map. The super-bright light really adds verisimilitude that we're 40,000 kilometers closer to the sun.
Side comment on the scenario: To quote Carth Onasi in Knights of the Old Republic, "You'd think people would be a little more tolerant of others in this day and age. I guess stupidity and ignorance will never go out of style."
Comments on the set: Is the console to the left of the door of the Orions' shelter supposed to be sunk into the ground?
Comments on the solution: I would have preferred to just arrest Amroosh for incitement to riot and attempted hate crimes. This isn't really a "both sides are at fault" situation. It's more of an "American Muslims post-9/11" situation. In my head Eleya called for Starfleet Security to beam in and grab him the moment he was out of earshot. (Especially considering one of the default prompts on the next map.)
Map "Tsehegi Center (Sol VIa)":
This is a good map. I wandered around for a while looking at it and reading the various default prompts. The shout-out to the EU in particular was amusing.
Convo with USS Fortitude captain:
-- Side comment on the scenario: The idea of fully holographic crews has been floated in STO before, and I have to say, I don't really like it. If you have the power supply, computer capabilities, and programming expertise to generate enough holograms to completely crew a starship, then you have enough resources to just automate the ship without the intermediate step of walking what has to be done through another layer of programming that then has to physically move to operate a control panel. Because at that point the ship is already essentially an artificially intelligent unmanned drone anyway. About the only areas the concept isn't inherently redundant, and not in the engineering safety sense of the word, are damage control and boarding actions.
-- With that said, the concept of holograms going on strike is made of win.
Side comment: Those Klinks aren't gonna know what hit them. "Qapla'," indeed.
Map "I.K.S. Cho":
Some excellent fighting on this map. Good mix of all the KDF species, not just Klingons.
Map "Kuiper Belt (Sol System Outskirts)":
Extremely well-thought-out story dialog here. Also, very pretty map, and some nice fighting.
Something that it would help to add would be to spawn blinkers with minimap markers at the center of your space reach markers, because despite your having put most of them on the same level of the y-axis ships can spiral up and down during combat. ("Beacon Blink FX Icon" is the name of the asset I'm referring to.) It also helps point people in the right direction in the event of bugs like the "markers out of position on the minimap" that turned up at the start of season 8.
Map "Neptune Orbit (Sol VIII)":
Good opening fight, but again, it would help to put a blinker on the USS Spear and tach grid interactables. And you're doing an extremely good job of tying together the various sub-stories in the mission.
Side comment: You've noticed the other problem with all-holographic crews. They can be TRIBBLE by one guy, whereas you need to turn a significant portion of a starship's crew traitor (at minimum, the command staff and bridge crew) to get a manned starship to change sides.
Top-notch story dialog, too. I particularly like this Tellarite admiral.
Map "Position Charlie (Deep Space)":
That was a very challenging fight, even for the flying brick wall that is the USS Bajor. I had to pop Hazard Emitters several times and even use my Rom rep cloak at one point. Those Hirogen mobs with the transphasic torpedoes really hit a weak spot in my build.
Map "Hunter Escort":
I like the looks of this map. Good detail work, and the smoke is a good touch.
Regarding the Hirogen captain impaled on a spike, using the default dialog prompt has the nasty side effect of making the button say "Talk to". However, I can't really think of much in the way of other things to do that would be clearly visible.
Map "Starfleet Special Projects (Sol III)":
Excellent map with good puzzles and triggerwork.
Final score: 4.5/5. 50 dil tip.
Pros: An excellent thinking man's mission with lots of puzzles, with just the right amount of combat for seasoning. High concept and overall terrific story dialog. It really picks up in the second half: Admirison masterfully ties every last plot thread into one cohesive ball of yarn. (Okay, that metaphor needs work.
Cons: Maps can be a little empty on occasion, and there's a couple pieces of dialog that IMHO need work. In particular, as previously mentioned I think the solution chosen for the xenophobes on Venus is a bit unlikely. Also, a general quality-of-life suggestion: add blinker objects to your space reach markers and so forth since they're not all on the same plane. Finally, the description needs to clearly state where the entry door is.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Perfection, part 1 and part 2. Both missions are fed side and level 41+ Borg missions.
Author is @ashkrik23.
Welcome aboard, ashkrik. Your missions are at positions 4 and 5 respectively, after eldil's "Contact Squared, Part II".
I dumped the other two Sovereign77x missions I had queued because they've already got 2,000-odd reviews and I kinda want to focus this thread on newer missions with fewer plays. I also removed "Collectiveness Strikes Gold, Part II" because it turned out not to be finished.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Author: BorrowedTune
ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR
Language: English
Allegiance: Starfleet
Level: 41+
Welcome to position #6 on the queue behind ashkrik23's "Perfection, Part II".
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Looking forward to the review.
I tested this using the USS Bajor NCC-97238, a Galaxy-class exploration cruiser with a semi-canonical budget loadout.
I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.
The mission description is well-written and eye-catching, but it needs to clearly state where the entry door is. There's more than enough room available, and I've been known to forget where it is (see the review for "Worlds of the Federation").
The entry door text at Wolf 359 should probably say something more descriptive like "Begin Mission: 'Of Morals and Ethics'" so people don't click the wrong button by mistake.
Map "Edge of the Solar System":
Pretty bare map, but it adds verisimilitude since it's Sol we're talking about. Last time I looked Sol didn't have much in the way of crazy nebula action going on.
Good story dialog here, although I personally would've shown instead of told the deflector dish doing its thing with an interact objective + invisible object and animation.
Minor comment on the map transition dialog, "warp one" is the speed of light exactly. Don't know if that's what you meant to say, but if not it's something to consider.
Map "Unknown System":
Wow, that is some crazy nebula action going on. Really freaking cool.
Huh, you put your avatar in as an NPC.
As a rule, I generally dislike maps that have just one thing to do (in this case, scan, then talk), then transition (partly because my Foundry loading times tend to be fairly long). This seems like a good spot to use the custom map trick of despawning an entire solar system, spawning a warp effect, then despawning that and spawning system #2.
Map "Treasure Trading Station System":
Pretty, but see previous note on superfluous map transitions. This map and the last one could've been combined with some triggerwork.
Wow, you went to the trouble of individually naming all the NPCs. And the little background fight was interesting to watch and added verisimilitude to this being a Wretched Hive. Also, what the heck is that asset you're using for the space station?
Map "Treasure Trading Station":
More individually named NPCs. Although the main room doesn't seem very lively. Consider adding some animations to the NPCs. Also, B'Ruga is floating in midair for some reason (a few inches off the ground).
Objectives: You could maybe put the "talk to contact" objectives in parallel on the storyboard, give players a choice about which NPC they want to talk to first.
I lol'd at the bartender's comment on you automatically coming to him first.
Convo with Taka:
-- So this is the FIRST time you broke the timeline, then.
Convo with Korf:
-- Possible internal continuity error. The dialog starting with "Noises come from the bar area" states the bartender's name as Garlianto. The dialog with the bartender said it was Shirrtog. I don't remember seeing two bartenders on duty but when I walked back Shirrtog was still there. Something to check.
-- Korf: "I never guaruntee that my info is 100% accurate; ..." -> "I never guarantee that my info is 100% accurate; ..."
Map "Deep Space Nine":
Noticed the D'Deriderp-class warbird. Ha ha! But this map is basically superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow.
Map "Tortuga":
Nice Pirates of the Caribbean shout-out for the map title. Also, the Klingon named Shakespeare was clever.
Side comment: Eleya (RP): "How dare those TRIBBLE desecrate the Temple of the Prophets!" *opens fire with MACO Battle Rifle on wide-area heavy stun setting*
Convo with Cog:
-- Minor comment on the costume: In TNG the Ferengi tattoo went on the right side of the forehead (that is to say, our left, Cog's right).
-- Cog: "That depends what you're offering. Rule 16 clears states..." -> "Rule 16 clearly states..."
I'm understandably extremely uncomfortable with the idea of a Starfleet captain hiring a hitman. The morally upright Starfleet solution would be more likely to involve faking the target's death and getting him safely off the station. Or possibly just threatening Cog, given he capitulates later when you beam away/kill his bodyguards. Either way, that's conduct unbecoming a Starfleet officer. SPOILER Of course, given the mission title, naturally it turns out that's a plot point. Shoulda seen that coming.
Map "Sublevel D":
Interesting choice of map. I'm unfamiliar with this one.
Fights were varied and challenging, although not exactly difficult (but I have two Mk12 sets in use and all purple boffs, so that should be expected).
Map "Tortuga Promenade":
It may be the station's designated "nighttime", but the place could still use some greebling such as debris and detritus. Map is pretty bare.
Convo with Cog:
-- Ashkrik System? Ha ha!
Map "Ashkrik System":
Now that's a pretty map. I love the nebular clouds fading in and out.
I think you may need to adjust the placement and/or angle of the Galor-class mob. It looked to me like it wasn't really positioned the same as the NPC contact it replaced.
Map "Trivas System":
Empok Nor. This brings back unpleasant memories of that one DS9 episode.
The map doesn't really have very much to do on it, but the dialog use is good enough I'll let it slide this time.
Map "Empok Nor":
For a "productive" space station (boff's words on the previous map), the map is extremely empty. You could do with adding some civilian workers and so forth wandering around, and more details and optional conversations.
Map "Leaving Trivas System":
This map could be removed and the dialog transferred to either the previous or next map. It's not really doing much.
Map "Tortuga Ambush":
Wow, that was one heck of a crazy firefight. Everybody blasting away at each other and me.
Map marker near the wormhole needs a blinker object centered on it ("Beacon Blink FX Icon" would work). I had trouble locating it vertically after the fight.
Map "Reutrn to the Edge of the Solar System":
Map title is misspelled. "Reutrn" -> "Return".
I'll let the usual "nothing to do" objection slide since it's clearly the epilogue.
Final score: 3/5
Pros: Very good story dialog, challenging and/or wild fights, and a good job of portraying a world gone horribly wrong.
Cons: Several largely superfluous maps, and others could use more detail. Also I have placed myself and my command staff on modified assignment pending investigation by the Department of Internal Affairs (and possibly Temporal Investigations, too).
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I'd love a review of my mission(s). I have three up at the moment, all in the same series. However, I don't expect you to give 2-3 priority before other people. Anything you'd like to provide for me would be fantastic!
Title: No Prize for Second Contact
Handle: Contactpsi
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 31+
Title: No Prize for Second Contact II
Title: No Prize for Second Contact III
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
The queue's a Google doc I linked in the first post, but here it is again.
EDIT: I see why it was hard to find the link. Adjusted the OP.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
Yeah, I had it buried at the end of a sentence in the rules section before. Now the link's on its own line.
Also, my KDF char has leveled enough. I'm opening the door to KDF missions with level requirement no higher than 18.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
That would be great. I'd like some feedback in the format that you do it. It'll be very useful.
Kinda helps to post the details of the mission you want feedback on...
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/