Yes, indeed. More specifically; this.
I wanted to make the 2nd part of the rom thing as invisible as possible, will change it.
CSG1 is playable, but it's the old verdion; the thing is getting a revamp which I plan to publish next november.
CSG2 is playable as well, although it's the playtest version (working on it as well; a bit more polish and NPC's around)
Ah, an easy fix and the force field is unneeded since my last revision. I like how you strayed away from just using in game graphics it looks more professional that way. By next November I assume you mean next month?
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
Well, how about that... I'll be trying out my new fleet Defiant (U.S.S. Innuendo).
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description; tag code) The're a wrong ending Missioninfo tag at the place where you're stating the mission door.. "[misionInfo/]" ==> "[/MissionInfo]". You might use [OOC][/OOC] for the "My first foundry mission"+description piece
- (mission description; description) Do I get to decide if I have to exile my Bridge Officers?? I like your style!
- (mission starter dialog, stardate) "Stardate 8325.8", if we'd recalculate from TOS-period this means your mission DOFF is talking about June the 22th, 2268 (00:10:06 midnight to be precise). Although looking at ST:IV (which is revolving around 2283) means there's a canonical inconsisteny with the Stardates system in use. Look here if you want to know more about stardates and the calculations behind it. TL;DR = Your Stardate seems wrong.
- (mission starter dialog, typo) "Gamma Oranis" ==> "Gamma Orionis"
- (mission starter dialog, interpunction + Rank) "...was back to normal but, Captain..." ==> "...was back to normal, but [Rank]..."
- (mission starter dialog, suggestion) "...under the captains's orders." ==> If I could choose I'll remove this this little piece.. Some people hate being called a captain, while they've achieved admiral status. When you will be using "[Rank]" the sentence will simply look strange, the only possibility to overcome this is by saying "under his" or "under her" orders... Problem with this is that you don't know which gender the player's char is. Whatever you choose (rank or his/her), you're [family friendly fluffy tribbles censor [acc]x3] eitherway.
- (mission dialog/description/door capitalisation ) I would love to see the observatory get proper capitalisation "Deep Space Observatory"
- (continuity) "Ready to start transwarp" ==> next map is ground?..
Map 1; DSO
- (note) Yes... I remember I've played this mission before. Way before I began doing my reviews.
- (map design) Your transporter pad; I remember you had to create it yourself since it wasn't available at the time, correct? Nonetheless; good object usage. Although there seems to be a bit of clipping going on in the platform.
- (capitalisation, dialog bartender) "ec" ==> "EC"
- (typo) "Im only..." ==> "I'm only..."
- (note) A Tiburonian NPC, nice one! Properly recreated.
- (NPC costume settings) Bolian Jolly; funny NPC. Check his belly; there seemed to be a fix/change a while ago which affected some NPC belly settings (read; make them overly huge).
- (NPC naming) The usual; most NPC had standard names (Security Officer, etc.).
- (NPC) Is that a BOT going round the place a bit?
- (NPC naming) "Chef's proteg'e", shouldn't that be "Chef's protege"
- (map design) Nice, you've closed off the first room this time; good job. But as usual, there's a "but". A) Your forcefield's Y-axis is probably set to 0, try setting it 7 or higher, it's way taller then you think/see. The wall you've used above this forcefield doesn't have a bottom cap; you can look through it.
- (map design) Same goes with the two walls you've used in the Undine enclosure; no bottom cap.
- (map design) At the Undine enclosure you used couple forcefields. They are clipping in the middle; you can either move them away from eachother OR put a building block between them.
- (interaction) Standard "interact" when you need to interact with the console.
- (typo) "heavilly" ==> "heavily"
- (interpunction) "...out as a possibility {player's name}." ==> "...out as a possibility, {player's name}."
- (capitalisation) "catecean" ==> "Catecean"
- (question) What's that about dolphins and anchovies? I'm totally missing the point here.
- (interaction) "Talk to wall console" <== If I will do that, I think my wife will probably think: "What the [Carebears, Censor-Shine!!!] are you doing?!"
- (note) Transition between dialog "Elim" and map transfer is kind of sudden. It doesn't feel smoothened (I don't really get warned beforehand).
Map 2; D-Space
- (note) Alright... Seeing the base is an impressive sight, nicely done... Your backdrop though, it seems like you have chosen multiple star backdrops, It just looks like a bit overkill.
- (naming) Been wandering around the map a bit. This is one of the few names where the wandering ships have been named! Well done! Sidenote; their prefix is USS instead U.S.S.
- (placement) Your borg debris is like a huge fly catcher (but then for fed ships). The USS Nimoy, USS Terapin and USS Nevermore all got stuck in there
- (naming) "Interact" at gate.
Map 3; City spaceport
- (note) POA-ensign is running around a bit, doing the airconsole maneuver in the meantime. Try to lower the wander speed a bit.
- (interpunctions) "...by the tholians then by..." ==> "...by the tholians, then by..."
- (dialog) After choosing the spare ribs (Meat! Jum!) I apparently broke the machine (what else is new). Unfortunatly I'm still able to open this dialog.. Oh, and with "Interact".
- (NPC) That cardassian bartender has one protruding belly.. And his face looks like a 90% copy of Bronson Pinchot, I roflolled.
- (NPC) The ferengi in brown/red robe; his belly has grown as well a bit
- (NPC) I like how you put in an elachi suspect punching the scumbag. Nonetheless I would like to see more capitalisation (Suspect, Scumbag)
- (NPC) First Federation Officer; nice capitalisation! Oh and what do you know; his belly..
- (NPC) It might have been the spare ribs I've chosen.. The Ferengi next to the Fed (near the arches)... Yes, his belly.
- (NPC) Pakled Female, She Smart, She strong! She Belly!
- (NPC) The Bynars... 0100000101110111011001010111001101101111011011010110010100100001
- (NPC) Engineer (near deferi godmother) has a minute belly.
- (clipping) The floor behind the engineer/shower compartments are clipping quite a bit
- (NPC) Darn those EMH's, with their belly and all!
- (continuity) I've already overloaded the replicator... Then I have to overload the reactor to create a diversion? Try to make the replicator a part of the storyline instead as a loose object+dialog.
Map 4; City outside
- (question) Have you put hidden walls against the platform you start from? I remember when I first played it I wanted to test this... Problem is; how to get back there?! (there's a task there, so you can't continue if you fall of by accident, or a cat sitting on your keyboard)
- (dialog) "I am sorry captain [firstname?] I cannot..." ==> "I am sorry [Rank], I cannot..."
- (clipping) Some blocks you've used seem to be clipping with eachoter (all over)
- (interaction) Halfway, got the Interact option again, it says I've got to go somewhere, but the interact dialog isn't being removed.
- (note) Even though the jumping is awesome and the idea magnificent, it's kind of hard to actually "know" where to go.
Map 5; Bar
- (NPC) Smeg got a belly as well (that belly thing, although funny, it's a bug probably caused by a patch a while ago)
- (placement) Kell is standing on top of the Dabo table.
- (invisible walls) Even though you used invisible walls, those evil hairy beasts were able to attack me.
- (placement) What is that borg console floating in the air?
- (note) I like the holo chess set and Nupturian!
- (placement) That Betelguesian is sitting a bit too low, only his head is sticking out the chair
- (placement) Same goes for the rigellian pervert, ship captain and andorian naval captain.
- (note) I REALLY like how you've named every npc! The Amphib! Cool!! The Wise Tribble!! Roflol!
- (note) Ah... The Gorn, that's his way of speech..
- (map design) Your map, while the bar has an excellent design, the beamup point is rather... meh. You haven't closed off the wall, so I was able to go over the whole map. The walls you've put in place are hovering a bit above the floor. Kell is already visible by the way before you beam.
- (typo) "Combonation" ==> "Combinations"
- (note) Whaha, awesome; Kell and Chulaskie..
Map 6; Moon Surface
- (note) Nice environment, you start next to a shuttle, which unfortunatly has "Interact" as well.
- (typo, Kell) "peoblems" ==> "problems"
- (directions) East, south... is that the east and south of the minimap?
- (question) "Lift"; do you mean "Elevator"?
- (dialog) The shuttle is (like the replicator) outside the storyline (standard dialog).
- (building) I like the "building" you created by using an elevator/warp core/ building blocks.
- (placement) The elevator seems to be a bit too high.
Map 7; Mine
- (task) "set explosive.Detonate explosive." ==> "Set and detonate explosive."
- (placement) When I walk into the mine (impressive map!!!) I walk over the bridge.. When going left (north on the map) I walked into an unvisible wall... Couldn't you replace such a wall with rocks or something?
- (placement) You've put a cargo container at the middle of that bridge, it just seemed to be placed a bit too low.
- (placement) Another unvisible wall on the right.. There's where a player will question; why do I get stopped when nothing is in my way?
- (note) Walking a bit back, jumping over the railing... it seems that I can jump into the lava as long there's nu path to it?
- (interaction) Near the rocks I get the option "Interact". I suppose you need to blow those rocks up? I would suggest using a invisible wall here since I was able to jump on and over them.
- (dialog) It only states "Place explosives." and gives you the option "detonate". Try to use a "lightbeam" instead; this is an object you can interact with (Try CSG2, take the safe route in the I.K.S. Far'Rokh how I used it) by adding a dialog box to it. This way you can remove the rocks and show some explosives with "dialog reached". I can no do "interact"=>"place explosives"=>"detonate" indefinitly.
- (animation) While the detonation is awesome, the characters animation is off.. Your animation count from 3 to 1, the explosion already starts at 3.. Maybe pointing the player directly?
- (note) I don't know if it's part of the map itself, but I really like those gates coming out of the floor/wall.
- (placement) Yet another cargo box placed just a bit too low. The next one as well..
- (note) I really like the office "attached"!
- (placement) All those invisible walls... and the cargo containers.
- (placement) The cargo container in the south-east side is floating in the air.
- (note) Sudden explosions! Me likes!
- (typo, dialog breen) "have know" ==> "have known"
Map 8; Interior
- (note) I DC'd.. this made me go through all you maps again. I *strongly* suggest to use "beam from whole map" at every map possible. The city spaceport isn't a problem, outside on the other hand... Doing that once; cool! Doing it twice; can happen. Doing it three times; it takes the fun out of it.
- (note) I seriously like how you made that "corridor" our of multiple different objects (shuttle, cells, etc). even though that it's extremely awesome, it apparently seems that the ceiling isn't connected to the "walls". I can see the outdoor map's atmosphere,
- (interaction) Two interacts? What are both of them doing??
- (note) How did you do those moving crates? Did you made them a friendly mob with a patrol? Pretty cool sight!!!! Funny fact though; when you keep watching, one of those crates is "walking" back. *looking outside; oh that's pretty high!*.
- (placement) The forcefield still has a gap on the right side.
- (placement) The turbolift seem to be a tad too low. I like how you did the turbolift transfer.
- (dialog) "Captain the scanner readings" ==> "[Rank], the readings"
- (placement) Those beds are a good idea. However when you look behind it, you see the backend of those screen aren't "capped". You can look through them. The best you can do is putting them against the wall
- (placement) there's another turbolift door (which stays closed) which apparently had an invisible block in front of it. I can walk around it, but it's yet again something I didn't expected.
- (grammar) "We cannot know what" ==> "We don't know what"
- (typo) "Maintainence" ==> "maintenance"
- (placement) After entering the maintenance shaft, nearing the object to prime I see a gap in the floor. What happens if I actually fall in there? Is there any way to get out of there or any other secret failsafe when that happens? OH I actually have to fall in there?! But what happens if I do that before I even prime that thing?
- (How about a steel door instead if an invisible wall again?)
- (note) I really like that ascii art what you get in that console dialog.
- (placement) That fence around the warp core.. I don't know if that really works. It might be because the fence is clipping the console on the front a bit.
- (placement) Bad news, the console on front of the core, it isn't "capped" on the backend.
- (note) Those doors!! Psychedelic!
- (placement) When you've "changed" from engineering to the bridge it looked like you don't have a ceiling anymore. It's very cool to see the stars and the rest of your build.. But I doub't if that really was your intention.
- (clipping) Just when you're through the doors I see some clipping in the floors.
- (note) NICE CUSTOM BRIDGE DESIGN!
- (interpunctions) "...or Borg I am my own..." ==> "...or Borg, I am my own..."
- (typo) "comon" ==> "common"
- (question) "phase gun" ==> "weapons"
- (note) Nice transfer, once again!
- (grammer) "Your surrounded" ==> "You're surrounded"
Map 9; Space
- (note) That ship was easy, one word of caution though... His kinetic energy destroyed the freighter as well..
- (note) Reading that the repairs are almost finished, while it just blown up on me, made me laugh!
- (question) The freighter was called the Erstwhile, right? Because you forgot the T in the task "defend the.." and the dialog you have afterwards.
Conclusion:
Great story, awesome usage of tips and tricks you've learned at the time. Few spelling error for the amount of maps and dialogs. There's still room for improvement tech-wise, but I want to say; be proud of what you've created.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
Well, how about that... I'll be trying out my new fleet Defiant (U.S.S. Innuendo).
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description; tag code) The're a wrong ending Missioninfo tag at the place where you're stating the mission door.. "[misionInfo/]" ==> "[/MissionInfo]". You might use [OOC][/OOC] for the "My first foundry mission"+description piece
- (mission description; description) Do I get to decide if I have to exile my Bridge Officers?? I like your style!
- (mission starter dialog, stardate) "Stardate 8325.8", if we'd recalculate from TOS-period this means your mission DOFF is talking about June the 22th, 2268 (00:10:06 midnight to be precise). Although looking at ST:IV (which is revolving around 2283) means there's a canonical inconsisteny with the Stardates system in use. Look here if you want to know more about stardates and the calculations behind it. TL;DR = Your Stardate seems wrong.
- (mission starter dialog, typo) "Gamma Oranis" ==> "Gamma Orionis"
- (mission starter dialog, interpunction + Rank) "...was back to normal but, Captain..." ==> "...was back to normal, but [Rank]..."
- (mission starter dialog, suggestion) "...under the captains's orders." ==> If I could choose I'll remove this this little piece.. Some people hate being called a captain, while they've achieved admiral status. When you will be using "[Rank]" the sentence will simply look strange, the only possibility to overcome this is by saying "under his" or "under her" orders... Problem with this is that you don't know which gender the player's char is. Whatever you choose (rank or his/her), you're [family friendly fluffy tribbles censor [acc]x3] eitherway.
- (mission dialog/description/door capitalisation ) I would love to see the observatory get proper capitalisation "Deep Space Observatory"
- (continuity) "Ready to start transwarp" ==> next map is ground?..
Map 1; DSO
- (note) Yes... I remember I've played this mission before. Way before I began doing my reviews.
- (map design) Your transporter pad; I remember you had to create it yourself since it wasn't available at the time, correct? Nonetheless; good object usage. Although there seems to be a bit of clipping going on in the platform.
- (capitalisation, dialog bartender) "ec" ==> "EC"
- (typo) "Im only..." ==> "I'm only..."
- (note) A Tiburonian NPC, nice one! Properly recreated.
- (NPC costume settings) Bolian Jolly; funny NPC. Check his belly; there seemed to be a fix/change a while ago which affected some NPC belly settings (read; make them overly huge).
- (NPC naming) The usual; most NPC had standard names (Security Officer, etc.).
- (NPC) Is that a BOT going round the place a bit?
- (NPC naming) "Chef's proteg'e", shouldn't that be "Chef's protege"
- (map design) Nice, you've closed off the first room this time; good job. But as usual, there's a "but". A) Your forcefield's Y-axis is probably set to 0, try setting it 7 or higher, it's way taller then you think/see. The wall you've used above this forcefield doesn't have a bottom cap; you can look through it.
- (map design) Same goes with the two walls you've used in the Undine enclosure; no bottom cap.
- (map design) At the Undine enclosure you used couple forcefields. They are clipping in the middle; you can either move them away from eachother OR put a building block between them.
- (interaction) Standard "interact" when you need to interact with the console.
- (typo) "heavilly" ==> "heavily"
- (interpunction) "...out as a possibility {player's name}." ==> "...out as a possibility, {player's name}."
- (capitalisation) "catecean" ==> "Catecean"
- (question) What's that about dolphins and anchovies? I'm totally missing the point here.
- (interaction) "Talk to wall console" <== If I will do that, I think my wife will probably think: "What the [Carebears, Censor-Shine!!!] are you doing?!"
- (note) Transition between dialog "Elim" and map transfer is kind of sudden. It doesn't feel smoothened (I don't really get warned beforehand).
Map 2; D-Space
- (note) Alright... Seeing the base is an impressive sight, nicely done... Your backdrop though, it seems like you have chosen multiple star backdrops, It just looks like a bit overkill.
- (naming) Been wandering around the map a bit. This is one of the few names where the wandering ships have been named! Well done! Sidenote; their prefix is USS instead U.S.S.
- (placement) Your borg debris is like a huge fly catcher (but then for fed ships). The USS Nimoy, USS Terapin and USS Nevermore all got stuck in there
- (naming) "Interact" at gate.
Map 3; City spaceport
- (note) POA-ensign is running around a bit, doing the airconsole maneuver in the meantime. Try to lower the wander speed a bit.
- (interpunctions) "...by the tholians then by..." ==> "...by the tholians, then by..."
- (dialog) After choosing the spare ribs (Meat! Jum!) I apparently broke the machine (what else is new). Unfortunatly I'm still able to open this dialog.. Oh, and with "Interact".
- (NPC) That cardassian bartender has one protruding belly.. And his face looks like a 90% copy of Bronson Pinchot, I roflolled.
- (NPC) The ferengi in brown/red robe; his belly has grown as well a bit
- (NPC) I like how you put in an elachi suspect punching the scumbag. Nonetheless I would like to see more capitalisation (Suspect, Scumbag)
- (NPC) First Federation Officer; nice capitalisation! Oh and what do you know; his belly..
- (NPC) It might have been the spare ribs I've chosen.. The Ferengi next to the Fed (near the arches)... Yes, his belly.
- (NPC) Pakled Female, She Smart, She strong! She Belly!
- (NPC) The Bynars... 0100000101110111011001010111001101101111011011010110010100100001
- (NPC) Engineer (near deferi godmother) has a minute belly.
- (clipping) The floor behind the engineer/shower compartments are clipping quite a bit
- (NPC) Darn those EMH's, with their belly and all!
- (continuity) I've already overloaded the replicator... Then I have to overload the reactor to create a diversion? Try to make the replicator a part of the storyline instead as a loose object+dialog.
Map 4; City outside
- (question) Have you put hidden walls against the platform you start from? I remember when I first played it I wanted to test this... Problem is; how to get back there?! (there's a task there, so you can't continue if you fall of by accident, or a cat sitting on your keyboard)
- (dialog) "I am sorry captain [firstname?] I cannot..." ==> "I am sorry [Rank], I cannot..."
- (clipping) Some blocks you've used seem to be clipping with eachoter (all over)
- (interaction) Halfway, got the Interact option again, it says I've got to go somewhere, but the interact dialog isn't being removed.
- (note) Even though the jumping is awesome and the idea magnificent, it's kind of hard to actually "know" where to go.
Map 5; Bar
- (NPC) Smeg got a belly as well (that belly thing, although funny, it's a bug probably caused by a patch a while ago)
- (placement) Kell is standing on top of the Dabo table.
- (invisible walls) Even though you used invisible walls, those evil hairy beasts were able to attack me.
- (placement) What is that borg console floating in the air?
- (note) I like the holo chess set and Nupturian!
- (placement) That Betelguesian is sitting a bit too low, only his head is sticking out the chair
- (placement) Same goes for the rigellian pervert, ship captain and andorian naval captain.
- (note) I REALLY like how you've named every npc! The Amphib! Cool!! The Wise Tribble!! Roflol!
- (note) Ah... The Gorn, that's his way of speech..
- (map design) Your map, while the bar has an excellent design, the beamup point is rather... meh. You haven't closed off the wall, so I was able to go over the whole map. The walls you've put in place are hovering a bit above the floor. Kell is already visible by the way before you beam.
- (typo) "Combonation" ==> "Combinations"
- (note) Whaha, awesome; Kell and Chulaskie..
Ok thanks for the run through. you mention a lot of issues I wasn't aware of at all.
I originally had the mission start with the space map but it just padded out the mission and was a one objective wonder.
For the city map all the npcs on the ground below attack so you can respawn back on top and I added invisible walls so you don't fall down to the ground below.
I was surprised that off the shelf npc's seem to have large bellies. I did this on purpose with a few of my custom ones by playing with custom import back when it was a feature.
The npcs running frantically were set to the lowest speed so I will just remove the wander setting.
I broke the eula by 90% doh! I did not mean to, we are Perfect strangers...
I have tried to put enough helpful hints to get you to the beam out point on the city map but there are two paths (I prefer the one where you run along the pipes).
The borg console is a floating robot. I re purposed some props.
The Npcs may have moved because of the salt vampires attacking. I should get rid of them, there are no neutral salt vampires.
Ya Kell... any npc that is a story objective cannot be hidden which is why Doro could not be a story objective.
Deferi Godmother is my favorite npc label .
I picked up the Gorn accent from a comic book from the Star trek alien spotlight series (very good btw).
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Even though I've mentioned a bunch of stuff, it didn't meant it wasn't fun! I liked your mission the first time I played it and am still liking it now! -- That's half of the battle you've won.
What you can do with those Salt vampires; create a fed mob and reskin them to vamp's (if that's possible, at work at the moment). This way they will never attack the player.
Considering the Deferi Godmother... what about a STO version of the Godfather, that would be insanely awesome :cool:.
Rereading my preview I saw that I've made a mistake as well;
- (continuity) I've already overloaded the replicator... Then I have to overload the reactor to create a diversion? Try to make the replicator a part of the storyline instead as a loose object+dialog
^^ I meant the replicator, obviously.
One of the reasons I've less time lately is because I'm doing a daily NWS training with the fleet. We're consistently hitting wave 10 but have problems beating them. Considering I need an average of 4 to 6hrs to review a mission, and only have 2hr remaining a night it might take while.. I hope to finish your mission today.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Now I understand.. :eek: Compliments for that! (I'm a sucker for details and such subtleties)
And about my review; it's solely meant to be constructive . You've done a wonderful job already and from what I've already seen you have some great creativity and story telling abilities.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Thank's I really want to put the final polish on this mission and submit it for spotlighting. I have two new missions I am developing one is well along with map building. If ATTS gets enough positive feedback there will be a sequel but I have yet to nail down what direction the sequel will take, I deliberately made ATTS a complete story within itself, a sequel can happen but isn't necessary.
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Finalised Mission review: Perfection, Part 1 - @Ashkrik23
As I've already written an extensive review for your mission, it's kind of unfair to others (who are waiting in a queue) to do another extensive/detailed review. This doesn't mean I will take less effort to give you all the information you need (focus will be on storyline consistency, dialog & combat; map design will not be my focus unless it's just plain awesome).
I wonder how much is changed after the last time.. I have XII Omega engine and deflector, now the grind for a fleet shield.. It never ends does it.
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (Mission description) Good usage of OOC and Missioninfo, although it's mentioned that you have to report to the Kessik system, you didn't mentioned which sector.
- (Mission description) Mentioning the remodulator, good job!
- (Mission starter dialog) Nice, system AND sector mentioned. You also mentioned from which fleet some of your friends are cameo'd. Nice again!
- (Mission door dialog; interpunction) "...arrived at kessik [Rank]" ==> "...arrived at kessik, [Rank]"
- (task & typo) You mentioned location again in the tasklist; good job! One typo though; "Orionus" ==> "Orionis"
Map 1; Orbit
- (note) AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME .... It seems you've got more ships in this map than before.. And they have distincive names! Sweet!!
- (nitpick) The U.S.S. Dragoon is missing one dot in it's prefix == "U.S.S Dragoon".
- (question) Have you added some stations as well? It looks a bit more crowded/alive around this map.
- (note) I'm near the Lion at the moment, when looking around it seems all the stations have the same height. It looks totally levelled. My suggestion is to try and play a bit with height.
- (note) Good job, enabling "transfer from whole map" after clicking "initiating contact".
- (note) Some people call this a one-click transfer map. Making it "alive" and detailed makes it way easier for players to accept this. The only thing missing is a bit NPC talk.
Map 2; Pride
- (NPC talk; Scar) "What is the status of our systems?" ==> "What is our system status?"
- (NPC Naming) Congrats! Every NPC got it's own unique name, playing with a big smile on my face .
Map 3; Back in orbit
- (note) The only thing I could mention in this map, is that my tray was empty.. Still managed to shoot those darn drones!
Map 4; Joy and Fun inside!
- (note) I'm not really a fan of "M'am or Ma'am". But hey, it's your choice and it works .
- (note) This time I'm prepared for the ambush. I have to say; they were very doable now! All the NPC's being named; well done! (If I remember correctly; Commadore complimented on this as well)
- (note) You've closed off the second entrance, well done!
- (note) Voporak still there? Hope you get a cameo in his mission as well .
- (note) "An allie lost." <= nice...
- (note) You know.. It's fun to do this ground mission now. It is such(!) an improvement since the last time I've played it.
Map 5; Second section of Fun!
- (note) Doing the same strategy as before; posting my boff, using my cloak ability. I try one mob to see if it's easier then before, but the it's the good ol' way to the node.
- (note) I like those map-wide particles and clouds you used on the map..
- (note) You really culled the Borg collective... I remember two or rooms full of drones.
Map 6; All hope is about to...
- (note) No comments here, ships are named! Sweet!
Map 7; Floodgates have been opened...
- (note) Standard Miranda class starships? That... was a bummer.
- (naming) The Valdore is missing a dot as well == "I.R.W Valdore"
Map 8; ES..Byebye
- (note) Those friendly cubes, spheres and diamonds; well done renaming them!!
- (typo, probe) "Pobe 782" ==> "Probe 782"
- (naming) Near the U.S.S. Renown there were two ships; one Trident and one Nebula type ship; neither ones were named.
- (note) You placed the Valdore pretty strategically; well thought out.
- (suggestion) "The orbit" ==> "Earth's orbit"
Map 9; Futile ESD
- (note) Nothing to note here. Went smooth *hint for others: cloak*
Map 10; Flee
- (naming) The same "Pobe 782".
Conclusion:
You have made some major changes after the last time I did your mission. The first time felt like a grind, it wasn't a real joy to play. Now on the other hand.. Yeah it was rather filled with combat but it was balanced! Haven't seen much typo's or grammer errors as well! Some major steps you did there! This time I really enjoyed your mission.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the final playthrough. I hope to take what I learned from this mission and make part 2 even better in terms of balance. Hopefully more detail than before too.
Lincolninspace, your mission has been reviewed and the whole review has been added!
Oh, and having you character float in space... Priceless.
Thanks for that review bud. You pointed out stuff no one else did so I will be tweaking what I can. I am upset that this mission probably has the same bug Zorbane's Duratanium man had and may never qualify for rewards. I hope the devs will fix it but otherwise I will need to republish it.
EDIT: I just checked and ATTS now qualifies for standard rewards!Thank you everyone who played my mission and thank you Stoutes for your helpful review!
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Thanks for that review bud. You pointed out stuff no one else did so I will be tweaking what I can. I am upset that this mission probably has the same bug Zorbane's Duratanium man had and may never qualify for rewards. I hope the devs will fix it but otherwise I will need to republish it.
EDIT: I just checked and ATTS now qualifies for standard rewards!Thank you everyone who played my mission and thank you Stoutes for your helpful review!
Just a quick update -- I'd planned on playing and writing a follow-up editorial review of "Infinite Shift" last week, but I came down with a cold virus and have pretty much not touched STOL for the past week. I've still got the bug, but I'm just about over it -- I hope!
Anyway, I'm going to make a stab at running "Infinite Shift" tomorrow and will post the full write-up in the mission thread.
Also, I noticed that stoutes' mission "Collectiveness Strikes Gold Part 2" is ready for pre-publication play-testing. I hope to take a look at it this weekend!
EDIT: I'll post the "Infinite Shift" review to Zorbane's thread, since there is already a request outstanding for it there. (Plus it's kind of become my home for submitting reviews.)
Just a quick update -- I'd planned on playing and writing a follow-up editorial review of "Infinite Shift" last week, but I came down with a cold virus and have pretty much not touched STOL for the past week. I've still got the bug, but I'm just about over it -- I hope!
Get well soon, it can get quite messy if you're sensitive to that..
Anyway, I'm going to make a stab at running "Infinite Shift" tomorrow and will post the full write-up in the mission thread.
That's Bazag's line . You're lucky he didn't copyrighted it! Anyhow, Infinite Shift grabbed my attention and to me that was a good point overall. You'll probably find even more things then I did (I've been reading your reviews as well, good job!).
Also, I noticed that stoutes' mission "Collectiveness Strikes Gold Part 2" is ready for pre-publication play-testing. I hope to take a look at it this weekend!
Aye, CSG2 final map is still unfinished though. I've made some improvements concerning player directions (subtle hints with optional storylines).
These updates will be be available when I do my next publish (when the last map is finished). This is planned to happen after the CSG1 revamp.
Please don't hold back, I would love to hear all and any comments and improvements you might have!
EDIT: I'll post the "Infinite Shift" review to Zorbane's thread, since there is already a request outstanding for it there. (Plus it's kind of become my home for submitting reviews.)
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Playthrough Mission: An Unexpected Discovery - @Norgur1
When I do a playthrough mission review it will be written while playing.
This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some *wow*, *aww* or *oops* reaction I'll write it up as such. It may look if it's added in an incorrect order, but that's how it was played.
I presume you're not a native English speaker, am I right? (Neither am I, and you've made most of the grammer errors I also used to do).
Mission starter:
- (grammer) You get a transmission, this is usually meant as an order. In that context "We shall meet..." simply doesn't fit. <== "We must meet..." or "We are ordered to rendezvous" should fit much better.
Map 1; The bridge
There are a bunch of minor technical issues which 80% of the people probably won't even see. Nonetheless I would like to share them with you, hoping that this make your mission even better.
- (naming) The bajoran male on the bridge, on the top right side, is still called "Starfleet Lieutenant Tac Bajoran Male 01".
- (placement) The tac female ensign, behind the admiral on the left is standing on her chair.
- (placement) The Vulcan Starfleet Ensign in the top left side is tapping in the air (facing the wrong direction). This one has to be turned 180 degrees.
- (naming) Every non-important NPC is called "Starfleet ensign". I would suggest searching for a name generator to create bunch of names for your chars.
- (clipping) The admirals left leg is clipping inside his chair.
- (clipping) The ready room door Y-axis is too high, plus when it opens the opened doors will clip through the wall. Oh, it's off-centered too.
- (grammer) "...help exploring that..." ==> "...help explore that..."
- (grammer/suggestion) "We are especially interested, why this planet did not show up before" ==> "We're quite curious why this Planet didn't showed up before." << (we might need a native English speaker for this...)
- (grammer) "..to take that task." ==> "..to investigate."
- (my wife) The two females have insanely short skirts!
- (suggestion) You have to say goodbye for about two times (third time is continue). This feels as it's just a bit too much.
- (naming) Mrs. Thohl and Mrs. Oobunei are supposed to be Boffs, but they are titled as a civilian (Mrs.)
Map 2; The System
- (environment) The first thing I noticed is it's lack of stars, or at least the minor stars. You can change this backdrop by customising the layers. Beware that you need to add the minor stars in top of the list (it's layered and some effects "blanks" these stars out).
- (placement) When you first warp in, the ring is nearly invisible. You can fix this by either lowering the planet's (negative value) Y-axis OR heighten the starting point.
- (grammer) "The sensor data is not clear, where this phenomenon comes from." ==> "Our sensors have trouble finding the origin of this phenomenon."
- (typo) "anormal" ==> "abnormal"
- (grammer) "highly damaged" ==> "Badly damaged"
- (question/suggestion) Which cube model did you choose? It looks like you've taken the normal one. If I am correct you can both choose the "derelict" or "damaged" version, which most probably would fit better in this story.
- (grammer) "but we are all up to our feet" => "but we are still holding on"
- (grammer) "I know, what you are.." == The comma isn't needed in this sentence.
- (question) "Now follow your orders!" == But I didn't actually gave her any orders.
You've left most of the "Continue"'s intact, I would like more actual "responses".
Map 3; The ship
- (note) First of all; the shuttle on fire... Me likes!! But I am wondering; was this my own shuttle or that of my crewmembers? Why I am wondering this is simply because I beam in directly next to it.
- (suggestion) The room where you start in is rather large... Try to make it a bit more "claustrofobic" to instill a bit more "fear" in the player. You might want to take a look at my ground map (Collectiveness strikes gold) to get some ideas.
- (note) I really like those hoses coming out of the ceiling.
- (grammer) "..the cause of both, the tha..." <== You don't need a comma there.
- (grammer) "Now they..." <== You don't need that "Now"
- (typo) "foce field!"
- (playability) You've kept the entrance open to the next room. This caused (tac, invisibility) me to prematurely trigger couple of effects early. This way I was able to find my crew back before the story even was that far.
- (placement) You've used two shields to keep the player from going to the third room. Unfortunatly you've kept open a gap. If I am correct, one shield would be just high enough for this entrance. Try to play a bit with the Y-axis. Now back to the console to disable the shield...
- (suggestion) When you have to plant the charge... There's no charge turning visible.
- (note) You've integrated those different borg objects in one nice thing, congrats!!
- (grammer) "re-enabled" == Restarted/Reinitiatedw
- (playability) So... The shields start to appear only after you've blown up that thing / reached the marker after that.
- (grammer) "Just this forcefield is in the way" ==> "There's still one forcefield to take care of".
- (story continuation) After disabling the ship's shields there's no mentioning about your crew safely being beamed over.
Map 4; Back in space
- (grammer) "I am glad we showed here right in time for the party. When we heared of your findings we headed here as soon as possible" => "I am glad we arrived just in time for the party. We directly headed straight up here after receiving your findings."
- (grammer) "was ever different" ==> "was any different"
- (grammer/story) "We must not let this weapon fall to the borgs again" ==> "...fall into Borg hands again..." / The borg share a collective consciousness which means that they still have the buildingplans. Destroyed or not... They can recreate this "weapon" fairly easy.
- (naming) Federation Cruiser 5, Miranda Class Frigate, Avenger Class Cruiser? I would love to see proper shipnames.
- (grammer) "..Thanks to you, millions..." <== Comma not needed
- (story) Species 8472 (or Undine as they are called in this story) isn't really innocent. I would suggest you to tweak this sentence a bit.
Please take all of this as constructive criticism! You are the one who owns this mission AND what will be changed/improved/kept as is.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Playthrough Mission: An Unexpected Discovery - @Norgur1
Map 1; The bridge
- (grammer/suggestion) "We are especially interested, why this planet did not show up before" ==> "We're quite curious why this Planet didn't showed up before." << (we might need a native English speaker for this...)
Since you asked for a native English speaker... just a tiny tweak from what stoutes suggested: "We're quite curious why this Planet hasn't shown up before."
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
Back to my Fleet Advanced Escort again (U.S.S. She Makes Me NWS), just to keep me on my toes . Now trying to play with Omega deflector and engines. Oh and I've beaten NWS with the help (and saves!!!) of my fleetmates, thank's M.I.S.T.!
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description) Flawlessly written! You've even noted your sources. Great one.
- (mission description, suggestion) I would suggest adding [OOC] or [MissionInfo] specifically where your starting door is.
- (mission starter taskname) There is no mentioning where to go and find the starting door. (only that you have to get your mission details from Admiral Kinnis).
Map 1; Office
- (note) I like how you closed off the rest of the map. Especially with the two NPC's telling me it's not allowed for non-base people.
- (naming) I'm personally a sucker for unique NPC names, that's unfortunatly not the case here.
- (placement) Those couches in the corners with trees behind it; subtle but nice!
- (clipping) The tree in the north-east side is clipping through the couch.
- (object) The counter you've placed in the center of this room; those two sides are "uncapped"... (you can look through them)
- (clipping) The wall in the north-west is clipping quite a bit (image)
- (question, placement) When you walk in the admiral's office I see a spacemap "hanging" on the wall. You know that this object doesn't have a bottom "cap"? (Just like the counter)
- (question, continuity) He's talking about the Okinawa and that it was only 10 years ago. Reading memory alpha though place them (and the conflict) in the mid-24th century, not the end of the century.
- (interaction) "Access the computer" instead of "Interact".. Well done!!
- (story) I really like how you integrated information from Memory Alpha/Beta in your story.
Map 2; Prophet
- (note) I really like the fact the U.S.S. Triallis is just(!) out of sight. You have to come close to see what happened to it (nice trigger work).
- (typo, task) "Rendevous" ==> "Rendezvous"
- (note) Giving the freighter a proper damage animation is a nice and subtle detail. Nicely done.
- (question, naming) The freighter is called "BRS Sha'kar" while the NPC itself is called "Freighter" (oh wait, the Bajoran trade ship). I would suggest giving the freighter proper names to integrate it a bit more in the story-line.
- (typo) "Ferengenar" ==> "Ferenginar".
- (suggestion) When you hail the freighter, you only see the freighter as your contact. I would have loved to see a Bajoran captain.
- (note) The planet you're mentioning actually exists in Mem Alpha/Beta.
Map 3; Let's dance La Memda!
- (note) This seems more or less a one-click-map, be careful with that (*hint*hint* long loading times, now with the new AFK-system... *dramaaaaaaaaaa*)
Map 4; Colony!
- (note) First thing I thought when beaming in was "*wow*... This scene looks sweet!"
- (note) Not much grammar mistakes overall, pretty good so far.
- (naming) Walking around the map, going around the NPC's; most are called Male or Female Tz... I would personally see them having unique names.
- (naming) That Attacksaur inside the cage is named "Attacksaur Ensign 01". The cages near the Slave-Master
- (placement) There's a certain white sandy spot (south-east) where a bunch of cargo crates and klingons props where placed. One of those cargo crates are placed a bit too high (they are "floating" just above the ground)
- (note) AWESOME AWESOME!! The "door" with the attenna on top! That is one sweet usage of terrain! It's meshing in wonderful.
- (note) The simplicity and elegance of this map is awesome.
- (NPC Talk) There's not much NPC talk while walking around, it could be me, but still.
- (NPC dialog objective) When I was roaming around I was already able to "Talk to the captive".. While it seems it's a part of the objectives?
- (note) Awwww.. The slave-master is gone. He'll be remembered.
Map 5; Return to space
- (note) While it certainly improves the continuity of your mission, I must say this again; One-click. You've put optional mobs in here which were great, but too much apart from eachother to make it really exciting.
Map 6; It's time for a (B/G)avaria
- (animation) While the story says you use passive scanners, there's no player animation at all.
- (continuity) "Scanners picked up two more freighters"... Yup, saw them before this dialog even told me (it was around 20km away). It might be better for the story if you only make it visible "after" the passive sensor scan task or dialog.
- (question, dialog) Why one-quarter impulse? That will take ages...
- (dialog) "You could give me some information", that's a bit harsh/blunt...
- (note) Yuck, the sensor scramble effect! Well done!
- (typo) "atmoshere" ==> "atmosphere"
- (suggestion) "Ready to transport over" ==> "Ready to beam over"
Map 7; Mystery ship
- (note) The start location is kind of sparsely decorated.
- (continuity) I've been roaming around your map; I was able to avoid your "check engineering section" trigger and went walking through that extremely long corridor.. Triggering your Ghostly dialog prematurely. Clicking that away I got voices.. scary!! I suggest putting a door in the way to prevent people from entering the corridor.
- (interaction) Got an "Interact" with your console (to access the ship's computer).
- (naming) Tz.. Male 1 or 2 and Female 1 or 2
- (interaction) The console you have to use to disable the forcefield has "Interact" as well.
Map 8; Back in mystery space!
- (note) Nice effect you did there
- (note) Some enemies, now back to ground?...
Map 9; Inside the ship
- (note, placement) Properly enemy placement. You see them, but you can read your dialog without being attacked.
- (nitpick) I can see the force field not properly aligned at the door (corridor ff?), it seems to be too far to the back. This unlike the two other doors on the side; the force fields there are perfectly centered.
- (nitpick) Those two door-walls aren't touching the ceiling
- (clipping) I see (in the first room next to the spawning point, where the crewman is lying on the ground) a wall clipping.
- (clipping) As well as a wall console which is clearly clipping..
- (note) I'm happy you made those mobs optional, this way you as the player aren't forced to kill them. Especially as it seems you used captain mobs (or higher) for every mob.. Even with an elite fleet phaser pulsewave and a full maco set I've problems killing them fast enough. Two or three mobs like this is okay, every mob makes it somewhat a grind.
- (clipping) Halfway to the turbolift you made another two "rooms". When you walk in there, the wall on the left side has a gap. On the other end it's clipping.
- (clipping) Last room, same thing. The room on the left side of the turbolift has the same problem.
- (note) You've placed bunch of fed victims near every mob. While that's cool, there's nothing that enhances your story. No NPC talk, optional dialogs or whatever. That really brings this map down to a basic pew pew map.
- (note) Another thing I missed here are your force field consoles. Even though you mentioned them, you only had to disable them at the beginning. Would loved to see more of them in that map.
Map 10; Engineering
- (interaction) I find a console at the side of an entrance which only states "Interact", you might try to change it's name.
- (placement) There's a cadet laying through the wall, you can find her if you walk upstairs.
- (naming) I love to see "Do warp core subsystem repairs" instead of something like doing maintenance.
- (placement) The "Take turbolift to Brig" wall... It has a gap on the left side which made it possible for me to "walk behind it". Which was a bummer.
- (note) Same grindy feel in this map . Happy though that every mob was optional.
Map 11; Brig
- (note) Okay, looking around this map I got a bit of a "rushed" feeling. It feels a bit spartan and quickly placed without testing.
- (placement) The force field which covers the door; it's not centered like in your previous map; I would like you to use it one way and keep doing that.
- (clipping) The wall on the right side (looking towards the Brig Officer) is clipping a bit.
- (placement) The counter the Brig Officer is standing behind, doesn't have capped sides.
- (placement) There's a gap in the right side of the wall behind the Security caitian.
Map 12; Space
- (naming) You could keep the same name for your maps, they don't have to be different (the current is #3).
Map 13; Volchok
- (map design) This map seems very empty, you've got two planets but no colored backdrop whatsoever. This empty space is empty.
- (continuity) One of the three stations disappear when I hail them? This is strange... (the bottom one).
- (note) Oh... now I understand. Anyhow, the disappearance of this station was just a bit too soon.
Conclusion:
After map 8 the mission became to feel like a grind unfortunatly. This brought the whole a bit down. Especially that your last few maps seems to be rushed only emphasizes this feeling. Also the usage of so much maps (13 in total) doesn't help.
Nonetheless I want to say; good mission so far!! ?f you could take the quality of the first half to the second half of your mission, it would be a joy to play!
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
I probably missed a bunch of your reviews, if you could PM me those I'll add them to the list!
No, you've got them all. I've only been playing STOL since June this year and discovered the Foundry in August. (I used to do a lot of map building in other games, though, like Far Cry and Timesplitters. I even used to host a weekly session for Far Cry map makers to have their maps played and critiqued. c.f: the now defunct http://FarCryFriday.blogspot.com/ )
Hello Stoutes,
I would be honored if you would review my new mission...
The Bajoran
Faction: Federation (Designed primarily for Fed captains)
Mission ID: ST-HNWVU9YX3
Author: djf021
Level: 31+
Play time: Approximately 1 hour-1 hour and 15 minutes
Description:
You are called upon to deliver an accused killer to Cardassia Prime to face his charges. However, what should be a simple trip quickly turns troublesome...and not everything is as it seems!
Thanks so much for your time!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk
OMG! No! I hadn't seen that. (I do check the first post every once in a while to see if I've missed a new review.) I'm very honored. Thank you!
No, you've got them all. I've only been playing STOL since June this year and discovered the Foundry in August. (I used to do a lot of map building in other games, though, like Far Cry and Timesplitters. I even used to host a weekly session for Far Cry map makers to have their maps played and critiqued. c.f: the now defunct http://FarCryFriday.blogspot.com/ )
Cool, you're welcome . Just added Ep. 2 as well (saw it this morning). Have been looking over the site; it's ashame to see something like that dwindle down, isn't it?
I used to mess around with the BUILD engine, it was ahead of it's time. Couple of those BUILD games I modded (that means graphics, map designs and weapon types) were:
Duke Nukem 3d
Dark Forces (Star Wars)
Shadow Warrior (that was fun!)
William Shatner's TekWar (yes, you read that right)
Other games I used to tinker with:
Need For Speed I and II (model and spec files weren't packaged, so you could swap them around and/or edit it a bit... how about a ferrari with the mass of a truck)
Flight Simulator 5.1, w95, w98, 2000 and 2004 (basic aircraft modeling, messing around with aircraft performances, etc)
Carmageddon TDR2000 (car spec's files were totally unencrypted, woohoo)
Getting older meant less time for computer games.. It's only last year I started playing again (STO). Personally the best way to prevent continue working at home.
Faction: Federation (Designed primarily for Fed captains)
Mission ID: ST-HNWVU9YX3
Author: djf021
Level: 31+
Play time: Approximately 1 hour-1 hour and 15 minutes
I wanted to add your mission to the list, unfortunatly my current browser at work don't let me (the one who thought putting the forumpost to GET instead of POST should be phasered). I will add it as soon as I'm back home .
It will take some time though before I reached your mission... Hope you don't mind.
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
I wanted to add your mission to the list, unfortunatly my current browser at work don't let me (the one who thought putting the forumpost to GET instead of POST should be phasered). I will add it as soon as I'm back home .
It will take some time though before I reached your mission... Hope you don't mind.
Oh no problem, I appreciate what you are doing. Thanks!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
I know you played and reviewed Uprising: Act I - Off The Grid.
Not sure if you played Uprising: Act II - The Tempest, but if you haven't I'd love to hear your feedback on it! If you have played it already, thanks. Sorry, it's been awhile since I've looked at who has reviewed it so forgive me if you already did. I just logged out or else I'd look. It's bed time! Thanks again!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] "The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk Twitter - @SDVargo
I know you played and reviewed Uprising: Act I - Off The Grid.
Not sure if you played Uprising: Act II - The Tempest, but if you haven't I'd love to hear your feedback on it! If you have played it already, thanks. Sorry, it's been awhile since I've looked at who has reviewed it so forgive me if you already did. I just logged out or else I'd look. It's bed time! Thanks again!
Hi Maninblack!
I think I vaguely remember playing Off The Grid, but I can't find it's review .
Act II will be added as soon as I'm home (I can only edit the first post in IE due to a forum bug, *sigh*).
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Lib (I can't use Stoutes, that's for sure), I need to hi-jack your thread again and tell you here: you're becoming a bigger and bigger name with every passing day within these Foundry circles (and out of it as well).
I wish I had the time to begin and finalise a Foundry mission as I was intending to do .. so you could review it .. and possibly telling me to scrap the whole and begin anew
Comments
Ah, an easy fix and the force field is unneeded since my last revision. I like how you strayed away from just using in game graphics it looks more professional that way. By next November I assume you mean next month?
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Playthrough Mission: A time to Search - @lincolninspace
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
Well, how about that... I'll be trying out my new fleet Defiant (U.S.S. Innuendo).
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description; tag code) The're a wrong ending Missioninfo tag at the place where you're stating the mission door.. "[misionInfo/]" ==> "[/MissionInfo]". You might use [OOC][/OOC] for the "My first foundry mission"+description piece
- (mission description; description) Do I get to decide if I have to exile my Bridge Officers?? I like your style!
- (mission starter dialog, stardate) "Stardate 8325.8", if we'd recalculate from TOS-period this means your mission DOFF is talking about June the 22th, 2268 (00:10:06 midnight to be precise). Although looking at ST:IV (which is revolving around 2283) means there's a canonical inconsisteny with the Stardates system in use. Look here if you want to know more about stardates and the calculations behind it. TL;DR = Your Stardate seems wrong.
- (mission starter dialog, typo) "Gamma Oranis" ==> "Gamma Orionis"
- (mission starter dialog, interpunction + Rank) "...was back to normal but, Captain..." ==> "...was back to normal, but [Rank]..."
- (mission starter dialog, suggestion) "...under the captains's orders." ==> If I could choose I'll remove this this little piece.. Some people hate being called a captain, while they've achieved admiral status. When you will be using "[Rank]" the sentence will simply look strange, the only possibility to overcome this is by saying "under his" or "under her" orders... Problem with this is that you don't know which gender the player's char is. Whatever you choose (rank or his/her), you're [family friendly fluffy tribbles censor [acc]x3] eitherway.
- (mission dialog/description/door capitalisation ) I would love to see the observatory get proper capitalisation "Deep Space Observatory"
- (continuity) "Ready to start transwarp" ==> next map is ground?..
Map 1; DSO
- (note) Yes... I remember I've played this mission before. Way before I began doing my reviews.
- (map design) Your transporter pad; I remember you had to create it yourself since it wasn't available at the time, correct? Nonetheless; good object usage. Although there seems to be a bit of clipping going on in the platform.
- (capitalisation, dialog bartender) "ec" ==> "EC"
- (typo) "Im only..." ==> "I'm only..."
- (note) A Tiburonian NPC, nice one! Properly recreated.
- (NPC costume settings) Bolian Jolly; funny NPC. Check his belly; there seemed to be a fix/change a while ago which affected some NPC belly settings (read; make them overly huge).
- (NPC naming) The usual; most NPC had standard names (Security Officer, etc.).
- (NPC) Is that a BOT going round the place a bit?
- (NPC naming) "Chef's proteg'e", shouldn't that be "Chef's protege"
- (map design) Nice, you've closed off the first room this time; good job. But as usual, there's a "but". A) Your forcefield's Y-axis is probably set to 0, try setting it 7 or higher, it's way taller then you think/see.
- (map design) Same goes with the two walls you've used in the Undine enclosure; no bottom cap.
- (map design) At the Undine enclosure you used couple forcefields. They are clipping in the middle; you can either move them away from eachother OR put a building block between them.
- (interaction) Standard "interact" when you need to interact with the console.
- (typo) "heavilly" ==> "heavily"
- (interpunction) "...out as a possibility {player's name}." ==> "...out as a possibility, {player's name}."
- (capitalisation) "catecean" ==> "Catecean"
- (question) What's that about dolphins and anchovies? I'm totally missing the point here.
- (interaction) "Talk to wall console" <== If I will do that, I think my wife will probably think: "What the [Carebears, Censor-Shine!!!] are you doing?!"
- (note) Transition between dialog "Elim" and map transfer is kind of sudden. It doesn't feel smoothened (I don't really get warned beforehand).
Map 2; D-Space
- (note) Alright... Seeing the base is an impressive sight, nicely done... Your backdrop though, it seems like you have chosen multiple star backdrops, It just looks like a bit overkill.
- (naming) Been wandering around the map a bit. This is one of the few names where the wandering ships have been named! Well done! Sidenote; their prefix is USS instead U.S.S.
- (placement) Your borg debris is like a huge fly catcher (but then for fed ships). The USS Nimoy, USS Terapin and USS Nevermore all got stuck in there
- (naming) "Interact" at gate.
Map 3; City spaceport
- (note) POA-ensign is running around a bit, doing the airconsole maneuver in the meantime. Try to lower the wander speed a bit.
- (interpunctions) "...by the tholians then by..." ==> "...by the tholians, then by..."
- (dialog) After choosing the spare ribs (Meat! Jum!) I apparently broke the machine (what else is new). Unfortunatly I'm still able to open this dialog.. Oh, and with "Interact".
- (NPC) That cardassian bartender has one protruding belly.. And his face looks like a 90% copy of Bronson Pinchot, I roflolled.
- (NPC) The ferengi in brown/red robe; his belly has grown as well a bit
- (NPC) I like how you put in an elachi suspect punching the scumbag. Nonetheless I would like to see more capitalisation (Suspect, Scumbag)
- (NPC) First Federation Officer; nice capitalisation! Oh and what do you know; his belly..
- (NPC) It might have been the spare ribs I've chosen.. The Ferengi next to the Fed (near the arches)... Yes, his belly.
- (NPC) Pakled Female, She Smart, She strong! She Belly!
- (NPC) The Bynars... 0100000101110111011001010111001101101111011011010110010100100001
- (NPC) Engineer (near deferi godmother) has a minute belly.
- (clipping) The floor behind the engineer/shower compartments are clipping quite a bit
- (NPC) Darn those EMH's, with their belly and all!
- (continuity) I've already overloaded the replicator... Then I have to overload the reactor to create a diversion? Try to make the replicator a part of the storyline instead as a loose object+dialog.
Map 4; City outside
- (question) Have you put hidden walls against the platform you start from? I remember when I first played it I wanted to test this... Problem is; how to get back there?! (there's a task there, so you can't continue if you fall of by accident, or a cat sitting on your keyboard)
- (dialog) "I am sorry captain [firstname?] I cannot..." ==> "I am sorry [Rank], I cannot..."
- (clipping) Some blocks you've used seem to be clipping with eachoter (all over)
- (interaction) Halfway, got the Interact option again, it says I've got to go somewhere, but the interact dialog isn't being removed.
- (note) Even though the jumping is awesome and the idea magnificent, it's kind of hard to actually "know" where to go.
Map 5; Bar
- (NPC) Smeg got a belly as well (that belly thing, although funny, it's a bug probably caused by a patch a while ago)
- (placement) Kell is standing on top of the Dabo table.
- (invisible walls) Even though you used invisible walls, those evil hairy beasts were able to attack me.
- (placement) What is that borg console floating in the air?
- (note) I like the holo chess set and Nupturian!
- (placement) That Betelguesian is sitting a bit too low, only his head is sticking out the chair
- (placement) Same goes for the rigellian pervert, ship captain and andorian naval captain.
- (note) I REALLY like how you've named every npc! The Amphib! Cool!! The Wise Tribble!! Roflol!
- (note) Ah... The Gorn, that's his way of speech..
- (map design) Your map, while the bar has an excellent design, the beamup point is rather... meh. You haven't closed off the wall, so I was able to go over the whole map. The walls you've put in place are hovering a bit above the floor. Kell is already visible by the way before you beam.
- (typo) "Combonation" ==> "Combinations"
- (note) Whaha, awesome; Kell and Chulaskie..
Map 6; Moon Surface
- (note) Nice environment, you start next to a shuttle, which unfortunatly has "Interact" as well.
- (typo, Kell) "peoblems" ==> "problems"
- (directions) East, south... is that the east and south of the minimap?
- (question) "Lift"; do you mean "Elevator"?
- (dialog) The shuttle is (like the replicator) outside the storyline (standard dialog).
- (building) I like the "building" you created by using an elevator/warp core/ building blocks.
- (placement) The elevator seems to be a bit too high.
Map 7; Mine
- (task) "set explosive.Detonate explosive." ==> "Set and detonate explosive."
- (placement) When I walk into the mine (impressive map!!!) I walk over the bridge.. When going left (north on the map) I walked into an unvisible wall... Couldn't you replace such a wall with rocks or something?
- (placement) You've put a cargo container at the middle of that bridge, it just seemed to be placed a bit too low.
- (placement) Another unvisible wall on the right.. There's where a player will question; why do I get stopped when nothing is in my way?
- (note) Walking a bit back, jumping over the railing... it seems that I can jump into the lava as long there's nu path to it?
- (interaction) Near the rocks I get the option "Interact". I suppose you need to blow those rocks up? I would suggest using a invisible wall here since I was able to jump on and over them.
- (dialog) It only states "Place explosives." and gives you the option "detonate". Try to use a "lightbeam" instead; this is an object you can interact with (Try CSG2, take the safe route in the I.K.S. Far'Rokh how I used it) by adding a dialog box to it. This way you can remove the rocks and show some explosives with "dialog reached". I can no do "interact"=>"place explosives"=>"detonate" indefinitly.
- (animation) While the detonation is awesome, the characters animation is off.. Your animation count from 3 to 1, the explosion already starts at 3.. Maybe pointing the player directly?
- (note) I don't know if it's part of the map itself, but I really like those gates coming out of the floor/wall.
- (placement) Yet another cargo box placed just a bit too low. The next one as well..
- (note) I really like the office "attached"!
- (placement) All those invisible walls... and the cargo containers.
- (placement) The cargo container in the south-east side is floating in the air.
- (note) Sudden explosions! Me likes!
- (typo, dialog breen) "have know" ==> "have known"
Map 8; Interior
- (note) I DC'd.. this made me go through all you maps again. I *strongly* suggest to use "beam from whole map" at every map possible. The city spaceport isn't a problem, outside on the other hand... Doing that once; cool! Doing it twice; can happen. Doing it three times; it takes the fun out of it.
- (note) I seriously like how you made that "corridor" our of multiple different objects (shuttle, cells, etc). even though that it's extremely awesome, it apparently seems that the ceiling isn't connected to the "walls". I can see the outdoor map's atmosphere,
- (interaction) Two interacts? What are both of them doing??
- (note) How did you do those moving crates? Did you made them a friendly mob with a patrol? Pretty cool sight!!!! Funny fact though; when you keep watching, one of those crates is "walking" back. *looking outside; oh that's pretty high!*.
- (placement) The forcefield still has a gap on the right side.
- (placement) The turbolift seem to be a tad too low. I like how you did the turbolift transfer.
- (dialog) "Captain the scanner readings" ==> "[Rank], the readings"
- (placement) Those beds are a good idea. However when you look behind it, you see the backend of those screen aren't "capped". You can look through them. The best you can do is putting them against the wall
- (placement) there's another turbolift door (which stays closed) which apparently had an invisible block in front of it. I can walk around it, but it's yet again something I didn't expected.
- (grammar) "We cannot know what" ==> "We don't know what"
- (typo) "Maintainence" ==> "maintenance"
- (placement) After entering the maintenance shaft, nearing the object to prime I see a gap in the floor. What happens if I actually fall in there? Is there any way to get out of there or any other secret failsafe when that happens? OH I actually have to fall in there?! But what happens if I do that before I even prime that thing?
- (How about a steel door instead if an invisible wall again?)
- (note) I really like that ascii art what you get in that console dialog.
- (placement) That fence around the warp core.. I don't know if that really works. It might be because the fence is clipping the console on the front a bit.
- (placement) Bad news, the console on front of the core, it isn't "capped" on the backend.
- (note) Those doors!! Psychedelic!
- (placement) When you've "changed" from engineering to the bridge it looked like you don't have a ceiling anymore. It's very cool to see the stars and the rest of your build.. But I doub't if that really was your intention.
- (clipping) Just when you're through the doors I see some clipping in the floors.
- (note) NICE CUSTOM BRIDGE DESIGN!
- (interpunctions) "...or Borg I am my own..." ==> "...or Borg, I am my own..."
- (typo) "comon" ==> "common"
- (question) "phase gun" ==> "weapons"
- (note) Nice transfer, once again!
- (grammer) "Your surrounded" ==> "You're surrounded"
Map 9; Space
- (note) That ship was easy, one word of caution though... His kinetic energy destroyed the freighter as well..
- (note) Reading that the repairs are almost finished, while it just blown up on me, made me laugh!
- (question) The freighter was called the Erstwhile, right? Because you forgot the T in the task "defend the.." and the dialog you have afterwards.
Conclusion:
Great story, awesome usage of tips and tricks you've learned at the time. Few spelling error for the amount of maps and dialogs. There's still room for improvement tech-wise, but I want to say; be proud of what you've created.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Ok thanks for the run through. you mention a lot of issues I wasn't aware of at all.
I originally had the mission start with the space map but it just padded out the mission and was a one objective wonder.
For the city map all the npcs on the ground below attack so you can respawn back on top and I added invisible walls so you don't fall down to the ground below.
I was surprised that off the shelf npc's seem to have large bellies. I did this on purpose with a few of my custom ones by playing with custom import back when it was a feature.
The npcs running frantically were set to the lowest speed so I will just remove the wander setting.
I broke the eula by 90% doh! I did not mean to, we are Perfect strangers...
I have tried to put enough helpful hints to get you to the beam out point on the city map but there are two paths (I prefer the one where you run along the pipes).
The borg console is a floating robot. I re purposed some props.
The Npcs may have moved because of the salt vampires attacking. I should get rid of them, there are no neutral salt vampires.
Ya Kell... any npc that is a story objective cannot be hidden which is why Doro could not be a story objective.
Deferi Godmother is my favorite npc label
I picked up the Gorn accent from a comic book from the Star trek alien spotlight series (very good btw).
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Even though I've mentioned a bunch of stuff, it didn't meant it wasn't fun! I liked your mission the first time I played it and am still liking it now! -- That's half of the battle you've won.
What you can do with those Salt vampires; create a fed mob and reskin them to vamp's (if that's possible, at work at the moment). This way they will never attack the player.
Considering the Deferi Godmother... what about a STO version of the Godfather, that would be insanely awesome :cool:.
Rereading my preview I saw that I've made a mistake as well; ^^ I meant the replicator, obviously.
One of the reasons I've less time lately is because I'm doing a daily NWS training with the fleet. We're consistently hitting wave 10 but have problems beating them. Considering I need an average of 4 to 6hrs to review a mission, and only have 2hr remaining a night it might take while.. I hope to finish your mission today.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
I made the replicator strictly work as an objective.
Worked on some of the other things you mentioned.
The Romulan walls I tried to hide Kell with will not stop floating so I need to replace them.
Deferi Godmother as in "The fairy godmother"
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Now I understand.. :eek: Compliments for that! (I'm a sucker for details and such subtleties)
And about my review; it's solely meant to be constructive
Good job, keep the creativity going.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Are you taking requests for Mission reviews? If so, I just finished the second half of my two-parter and I was wondering if you could check it out...
"Contact Squared Part 1"
"Contact Squared Part 2"
Thanks in advance.
My Missions
Contact Squared Part 1
Contact Squared Part 2
Contact Squared: Tribunal (coming soon)
Contact Squared: Shadows (coming... not as soon...)
Added, will take a while before I've reached your mission, though. If you don't mind that is!
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Oh, and having you character float in space... Priceless.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
As I've already written an extensive review for your mission, it's kind of unfair to others (who are waiting in a queue) to do another extensive/detailed review. This doesn't mean I will take less effort to give you all the information you need (focus will be on storyline consistency, dialog & combat; map design will not be my focus unless it's just plain awesome).
I wonder how much is changed after the last time.. I have XII Omega engine and deflector, now the grind for a fleet shield.. It never ends does it.
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (Mission description) Good usage of OOC and Missioninfo, although it's mentioned that you have to report to the Kessik system, you didn't mentioned which sector.
- (Mission description) Mentioning the remodulator, good job!
- (Mission starter dialog) Nice, system AND sector mentioned. You also mentioned from which fleet some of your friends are cameo'd. Nice again!
- (Mission door dialog; interpunction) "...arrived at kessik [Rank]" ==> "...arrived at kessik, [Rank]"
- (task & typo) You mentioned location again in the tasklist; good job! One typo though; "Orionus" ==> "Orionis"
Map 1; Orbit
- (note) AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME .... It seems you've got more ships in this map than before.. And they have distincive names! Sweet!!
- (nitpick) The U.S.S. Dragoon is missing one dot in it's prefix == "U.S.S Dragoon".
- (question) Have you added some stations as well? It looks a bit more crowded/alive around this map.
- (note) I'm near the Lion at the moment, when looking around it seems all the stations have the same height. It looks totally levelled. My suggestion is to try and play a bit with height.
- (note) Good job, enabling "transfer from whole map" after clicking "initiating contact".
- (note) Some people call this a one-click transfer map. Making it "alive" and detailed makes it way easier for players to accept this. The only thing missing is a bit NPC talk.
Map 2; Pride
- (NPC talk; Scar) "What is the status of our systems?" ==> "What is our system status?"
- (NPC Naming) Congrats! Every NPC got it's own unique name, playing with a big smile on my face
Map 3; Back in orbit
- (note) The only thing I could mention in this map, is that my tray was empty.. Still managed to shoot those darn drones!
Map 4; Joy and Fun inside!
- (note) I'm not really a fan of "M'am or Ma'am". But hey, it's your choice and it works
- (note) This time I'm prepared for the ambush. I have to say; they were very doable now! All the NPC's being named; well done! (If I remember correctly; Commadore complimented on this as well)
- (note) You've closed off the second entrance, well done!
- (note) Voporak still there? Hope you get a cameo in his mission as well
- (note) "An allie lost." <= nice...
- (note) You know.. It's fun to do this ground mission now. It is such(!) an improvement since the last time I've played it.
Map 5; Second section of Fun!
- (note) Doing the same strategy as before; posting my boff, using my cloak ability. I try one mob to see if it's easier then before, but the it's the good ol' way to the node.
- (note) I like those map-wide particles and clouds you used on the map..
- (note) You really culled the Borg collective... I remember two or rooms full of drones.
Map 6; All hope is about to...
- (note) No comments here, ships are named! Sweet!
Map 7; Floodgates have been opened...
- (note) Standard Miranda class starships? That... was a bummer.
- (naming) The Valdore is missing a dot as well == "I.R.W Valdore"
Map 8; ES..Byebye
- (note) Those friendly cubes, spheres and diamonds; well done renaming them!!
- (typo, probe) "Pobe 782" ==> "Probe 782"
- (naming) Near the U.S.S. Renown there were two ships; one Trident and one Nebula type ship; neither ones were named.
- (note) You placed the Valdore pretty strategically; well thought out.
- (suggestion) "The orbit" ==> "Earth's orbit"
Map 9; Futile ESD
- (note) Nothing to note here. Went smooth *hint for others: cloak*
Map 10; Flee
- (naming) The same "Pobe 782".
Conclusion:
You have made some major changes after the last time I did your mission. The first time felt like a grind, it wasn't a real joy to play. Now on the other hand.. Yeah it was rather filled with combat but it was balanced! Haven't seen much typo's or grammer errors as well! Some major steps you did there! This time I really enjoyed your mission.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Thanks for that review bud. You pointed out stuff no one else did so I will be tweaking what I can. I am upset that this mission probably has the same bug Zorbane's Duratanium man had and may never qualify for rewards. I hope the devs will fix it but otherwise I will need to republish it.
EDIT: I just checked and ATTS now qualifies for standard rewards!Thank you everyone who played my mission and thank you Stoutes for your helpful review!
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Congrats!
10chars.
Anyway, I'm going to make a stab at running "Infinite Shift" tomorrow and will post the full write-up in the mission thread.
Also, I noticed that stoutes' mission "Collectiveness Strikes Gold Part 2" is ready for pre-publication play-testing. I hope to take a look at it this weekend!
EDIT: I'll post the "Infinite Shift" review to Zorbane's thread, since there is already a request outstanding for it there. (Plus it's kind of become my home for submitting reviews.)
That's Bazag's line
Aye, CSG2 final map is still unfinished though. I've made some improvements concerning player directions (subtle hints with optional storylines).
These updates will be be available when I do my next publish (when the last map is finished). This is planned to happen after the CSG1 revamp.
Please don't hold back, I would love to hear all and any comments and improvements you might have!
Perfect!
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
By the way, this review took eighteen hours to prepare.
When I do a playthrough mission review it will be written while playing.
This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some *wow*, *aww* or *oops* reaction I'll write it up as such. It may look if it's added in an incorrect order, but that's how it was played.
I presume you're not a native English speaker, am I right? (Neither am I, and you've made most of the grammer errors I also used to do).
Mission starter:
- (grammer) You get a transmission, this is usually meant as an order. In that context "We shall meet..." simply doesn't fit. <== "We must meet..." or "We are ordered to rendezvous" should fit much better.
Map 1; The bridge
There are a bunch of minor technical issues which 80% of the people probably won't even see. Nonetheless I would like to share them with you, hoping that this make your mission even better.
- (naming) The bajoran male on the bridge, on the top right side, is still called "Starfleet Lieutenant Tac Bajoran Male 01".
- (placement) The tac female ensign, behind the admiral on the left is standing on her chair.
- (placement) The Vulcan Starfleet Ensign in the top left side is tapping in the air (facing the wrong direction). This one has to be turned 180 degrees.
- (naming) Every non-important NPC is called "Starfleet ensign". I would suggest searching for a name generator to create bunch of names for your chars.
- (clipping) The admirals left leg is clipping inside his chair.
- (clipping) The ready room door Y-axis is too high, plus when it opens the opened doors will clip through the wall. Oh, it's off-centered too.
- (grammer) "...help exploring that..." ==> "...help explore that..."
- (grammer/suggestion) "We are especially interested, why this planet did not show up before" ==> "We're quite curious why this Planet didn't showed up before." << (we might need a native English speaker for this...)
- (grammer) "..to take that task." ==> "..to investigate."
- (my wife) The two females have insanely short skirts!
- (suggestion) You have to say goodbye for about two times (third time is continue). This feels as it's just a bit too much.
- (naming) Mrs. Thohl and Mrs. Oobunei are supposed to be Boffs, but they are titled as a civilian (Mrs.)
Map 2; The System
- (environment) The first thing I noticed is it's lack of stars, or at least the minor stars. You can change this backdrop by customising the layers. Beware that you need to add the minor stars in top of the list (it's layered and some effects "blanks" these stars out).
- (placement) When you first warp in, the ring is nearly invisible. You can fix this by either lowering the planet's (negative value) Y-axis OR heighten the starting point.
- (grammer) "The sensor data is not clear, where this phenomenon comes from." ==> "Our sensors have trouble finding the origin of this phenomenon."
- (typo) "anormal" ==> "abnormal"
- (grammer) "highly damaged" ==> "Badly damaged"
- (question/suggestion) Which cube model did you choose? It looks like you've taken the normal one. If I am correct you can both choose the "derelict" or "damaged" version, which most probably would fit better in this story.
- (grammer) "but we are all up to our feet" => "but we are still holding on"
- (grammer) "I know, what you are.." == The comma isn't needed in this sentence.
- (question) "Now follow your orders!" == But I didn't actually gave her any orders.
You've left most of the "Continue"'s intact, I would like more actual "responses".
Map 3; The ship
- (note) First of all; the shuttle on fire... Me likes!! But I am wondering; was this my own shuttle or that of my crewmembers? Why I am wondering this is simply because I beam in directly next to it.
- (suggestion) The room where you start in is rather large... Try to make it a bit more "claustrofobic" to instill a bit more "fear" in the player. You might want to take a look at my ground map (Collectiveness strikes gold) to get some ideas.
- (note) I really like those hoses coming out of the ceiling.
- (grammer) "..the cause of both, the tha..." <== You don't need a comma there.
- (grammer) "Now they..." <== You don't need that "Now"
- (typo) "foce field!"
- (playability) You've kept the entrance open to the next room. This caused (tac, invisibility) me to prematurely trigger couple of effects early. This way I was able to find my crew back before the story even was that far.
- (placement) You've used two shields to keep the player from going to the third room. Unfortunatly you've kept open a gap. If I am correct, one shield would be just high enough for this entrance. Try to play a bit with the Y-axis. Now back to the console to disable the shield...
- (suggestion) When you have to plant the charge... There's no charge turning visible.
- (note) You've integrated those different borg objects in one nice thing, congrats!!
- (grammer) "re-enabled" == Restarted/Reinitiatedw
- (playability) So... The shields start to appear only after you've blown up that thing / reached the marker after that.
- (grammer) "Just this forcefield is in the way" ==> "There's still one forcefield to take care of".
- (story continuation) After disabling the ship's shields there's no mentioning about your crew safely being beamed over.
Map 4; Back in space
- (grammer) "I am glad we showed here right in time for the party. When we heared of your findings we headed here as soon as possible" => "I am glad we arrived just in time for the party. We directly headed straight up here after receiving your findings."
- (grammer) "was ever different" ==> "was any different"
- (grammer/story) "We must not let this weapon fall to the borgs again" ==> "...fall into Borg hands again..." / The borg share a collective consciousness which means that they still have the buildingplans. Destroyed or not... They can recreate this "weapon" fairly easy.
- (naming) Federation Cruiser 5, Miranda Class Frigate, Avenger Class Cruiser? I would love to see proper shipnames.
- (grammer) "..Thanks to you, millions..." <== Comma not needed
- (story) Species 8472 (or Undine as they are called in this story) isn't really innocent. I would suggest you to tweak this sentence a bit.
Please take all of this as constructive criticism! You are the one who owns this mission AND what will be changed/improved/kept as is.
Hope to see more missions from you soon.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Since you asked for a native English speaker... just a tiny tweak from what stoutes suggested: "We're quite curious why this Planet hasn't shown up before."
stoutes' suggestion works, but if you want to keep with the original metaphor, another alternative would be "but we are still on our feet".
I don't believe this is strictly an American colloquialism since I'm sure I've heard Brits use it.
Also, always spell "force field" as two words. "forcefield" hasn't made it into any mainstream dictionaries yet.
Sorry for jumping in, stoutes, but I felt invited. XD
And.. So you've seen the second post of this thread?
I probably missed a bunch of your reviews, if you could PM me those I'll add them to the list!
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.
Back to my Fleet Advanced Escort again (U.S.S. She Makes Me NWS), just to keep me on my toes
Mission starter (including mission description):
- (mission description) Flawlessly written! You've even noted your sources. Great one.
- (mission description, suggestion) I would suggest adding [OOC] or [MissionInfo] specifically where your starting door is.
- (mission starter taskname) There is no mentioning where to go and find the starting door. (only that you have to get your mission details from Admiral Kinnis).
Map 1; Office
- (note) I like how you closed off the rest of the map. Especially with the two NPC's telling me it's not allowed for non-base people.
- (naming) I'm personally a sucker for unique NPC names, that's unfortunatly not the case here.
- (placement) Those couches in the corners with trees behind it; subtle but nice!
- (clipping) The tree in the north-east side is clipping through the couch.
- (object) The counter you've placed in the center of this room; those two sides are "uncapped"... (you can look through them)
- (clipping) The wall in the north-west is clipping quite a bit (image)
- (question, placement) When you walk in the admiral's office I see a spacemap "hanging" on the wall. You know that this object doesn't have a bottom "cap"? (Just like the counter)
- (question, continuity) He's talking about the Okinawa and that it was only 10 years ago. Reading memory alpha though place them (and the conflict) in the mid-24th century, not the end of the century.
- (interaction) "Access the computer" instead of "Interact".. Well done!!
- (story) I really like how you integrated information from Memory Alpha/Beta in your story.
Map 2; Prophet
- (note) I really like the fact the U.S.S. Triallis is just(!) out of sight. You have to come close to see what happened to it (nice trigger work).
- (typo, task) "Rendevous" ==> "Rendezvous"
- (note) Giving the freighter a proper damage animation is a nice and subtle detail. Nicely done.
- (question, naming) The freighter is called "BRS Sha'kar" while the NPC itself is called "Freighter" (oh wait, the Bajoran trade ship). I would suggest giving the freighter proper names to integrate it a bit more in the story-line.
- (typo) "Ferengenar" ==> "Ferenginar".
- (suggestion) When you hail the freighter, you only see the freighter as your contact. I would have loved to see a Bajoran captain.
- (note) The planet you're mentioning actually exists in Mem Alpha/Beta.
Map 3; Let's dance La Memda!
- (note) This seems more or less a one-click-map, be careful with that (*hint*hint* long loading times, now with the new AFK-system... *dramaaaaaaaaaa*)
Map 4; Colony!
- (note) First thing I thought when beaming in was "*wow*... This scene looks sweet!"
- (note) Not much grammar mistakes overall, pretty good so far.
- (naming) Walking around the map, going around the NPC's; most are called Male or Female Tz... I would personally see them having unique names.
- (naming) That Attacksaur inside the cage is named "Attacksaur Ensign 01". The cages near the Slave-Master
- (placement) There's a certain white sandy spot (south-east) where a bunch of cargo crates and klingons props where placed. One of those cargo crates are placed a bit too high (they are "floating" just above the ground)
- (note) AWESOME AWESOME!! The "door" with the attenna on top! That is one sweet usage of terrain! It's meshing in wonderful.
- (note) The simplicity and elegance of this map is awesome.
- (NPC Talk) There's not much NPC talk while walking around, it could be me, but still.
- (NPC dialog objective) When I was roaming around I was already able to "Talk to the captive".. While it seems it's a part of the objectives?
- (note) Awwww.. The slave-master is gone. He'll be remembered.
Map 5; Return to space
- (note) While it certainly improves the continuity of your mission, I must say this again; One-click. You've put optional mobs in here which were great, but too much apart from eachother to make it really exciting.
Map 6; It's time for a (B/G)avaria
- (animation) While the story says you use passive scanners, there's no player animation at all.
- (continuity) "Scanners picked up two more freighters"... Yup, saw them before this dialog even told me (it was around 20km away). It might be better for the story if you only make it visible "after" the passive sensor scan task or dialog.
- (question, dialog) Why one-quarter impulse? That will take ages...
- (dialog) "You could give me some information", that's a bit harsh/blunt...
- (note) Yuck, the sensor scramble effect! Well done!
- (typo) "atmoshere" ==> "atmosphere"
- (suggestion) "Ready to transport over" ==> "Ready to beam over"
Map 7; Mystery ship
- (note) The start location is kind of sparsely decorated.
- (continuity) I've been roaming around your map; I was able to avoid your "check engineering section" trigger and went walking through that extremely long corridor.. Triggering your Ghostly dialog prematurely. Clicking that away I got voices.. scary!! I suggest putting a door in the way to prevent people from entering the corridor.
- (interaction) Got an "Interact" with your console (to access the ship's computer).
- (naming) Tz.. Male 1 or 2 and Female 1 or 2
- (interaction) The console you have to use to disable the forcefield has "Interact" as well.
Map 8; Back in mystery space!
- (note) Nice effect you did there
- (note) Some enemies, now back to ground?...
Map 9; Inside the ship
- (note, placement) Properly enemy placement. You see them, but you can read your dialog without being attacked.
- (nitpick) I can see the force field not properly aligned at the door (corridor ff?), it seems to be too far to the back. This unlike the two other doors on the side; the force fields there are perfectly centered.
- (nitpick) Those two door-walls aren't touching the ceiling
- (clipping) I see (in the first room next to the spawning point, where the crewman is lying on the ground) a wall clipping.
- (clipping) As well as a wall console which is clearly clipping..
- (note) I'm happy you made those mobs optional, this way you as the player aren't forced to kill them. Especially as it seems you used captain mobs (or higher) for every mob.. Even with an elite fleet phaser pulsewave and a full maco set I've problems killing them fast enough. Two or three mobs like this is okay, every mob makes it somewhat a grind.
- (clipping) Halfway to the turbolift you made another two "rooms". When you walk in there, the wall on the left side has a gap. On the other end it's clipping.
- (clipping) Last room, same thing. The room on the left side of the turbolift has the same problem.
- (note) You've placed bunch of fed victims near every mob. While that's cool, there's nothing that enhances your story. No NPC talk, optional dialogs or whatever. That really brings this map down to a basic pew pew map.
- (note) Another thing I missed here are your force field consoles. Even though you mentioned them, you only had to disable them at the beginning. Would loved to see more of them in that map.
Map 10; Engineering
- (interaction) I find a console at the side of an entrance which only states "Interact", you might try to change it's name.
- (placement) There's a cadet laying through the wall, you can find her if you walk upstairs.
- (naming) I love to see "Do warp core subsystem repairs" instead of something like doing maintenance.
- (placement) The "Take turbolift to Brig" wall... It has a gap on the left side which made it possible for me to "walk behind it". Which was a bummer.
- (note) Same grindy feel in this map
Map 11; Brig
- (note) Okay, looking around this map I got a bit of a "rushed" feeling. It feels a bit spartan and quickly placed without testing.
- (placement) The force field which covers the door; it's not centered like in your previous map; I would like you to use it one way and keep doing that.
- (clipping) The wall on the right side (looking towards the Brig Officer) is clipping a bit.
- (placement) The counter the Brig Officer is standing behind, doesn't have capped sides.
- (placement) There's a gap in the right side of the wall behind the Security caitian.
Map 12; Space
- (naming) You could keep the same name for your maps, they don't have to be different (the current is #3).
Map 13; Volchok
- (map design) This map seems very empty, you've got two planets but no colored backdrop whatsoever. This empty space is empty.
- (continuity) One of the three stations disappear when I hail them? This is strange... (the bottom one).
- (note) Oh... now I understand. Anyhow, the disappearance of this station was just a bit too soon.
Conclusion:
After map 8 the mission became to feel like a grind unfortunatly. This brought the whole a bit down. Especially that your last few maps seems to be rushed only emphasizes this feeling. Also the usage of so much maps (13 in total) doesn't help.
Nonetheless I want to say; good mission so far!! ?f you could take the quality of the first half to the second half of your mission, it would be a joy to play!
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
OMG! No! I hadn't seen that. (I do check the first post every once in a while to see if I've missed a new review.) I'm very honored. Thank you!
No, you've got them all. I've only been playing STOL since June this year and discovered the Foundry in August. (I used to do a lot of map building in other games, though, like Far Cry and Timesplitters. I even used to host a weekly session for Far Cry map makers to have their maps played and critiqued. c.f: the now defunct http://FarCryFriday.blogspot.com/ )
I would be honored if you would review my new mission...
The Bajoran
Faction: Federation (Designed primarily for Fed captains)
Mission ID: ST-HNWVU9YX3
Author: djf021
Level: 31+
Play time: Approximately 1 hour-1 hour and 15 minutes
Description:
You are called upon to deliver an accused killer to Cardassia Prime to face his charges. However, what should be a simple trip quickly turns troublesome...and not everything is as it seems!
Thanks so much for your time!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk
Cool, you're welcome
I used to mess around with the BUILD engine, it was ahead of it's time. Couple of those BUILD games I modded (that means graphics, map designs and weapon types) were:
Other games I used to tinker with:
Getting older meant less time for computer games.. It's only last year I started playing again (STO). Personally the best way to prevent continue working at home.
I wanted to add your mission to the list, unfortunatly my current browser at work don't let me (the one who thought putting the forumpost to GET instead of POST should be phasered). I will add it as soon as I'm back home
It will take some time though before I reached your mission... Hope you don't mind.
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Oh no problem, I appreciate what you are doing. Thanks!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk
I haven't posted a review for a while, this is caused by three things;
@Milanx2; I've reviewed your mission for about 1/3. I try to finish it this week
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
I know you played and reviewed Uprising: Act I - Off The Grid.
Not sure if you played Uprising: Act II - The Tempest, but if you haven't I'd love to hear your feedback on it! If you have played it already, thanks. Sorry, it's been awhile since I've looked at who has reviewed it so forgive me if you already did. I just logged out or else I'd look. It's bed time! Thanks again!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
I think I vaguely remember playing Off The Grid, but I can't find it's review
Act II will be added as soon as I'm home (I can only edit the first post in IE due to a forum bug, *sigh*).
Sleep well, sweet dreams! :P
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
I wish I had the time to begin and finalise a Foundry mission as I was intending to do .. so you could review it .. and possibly telling me to scrap the whole and begin anew