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Another Open Letter to Admiral Quinn
voporak
Member Posts: 5,621 Arc User
[Begin transmission]
Hello again dear Quinn, it's your good friend Admiral Voporak. You seem to have ignored my last transmission on the subject of being left at the rank of Admiral while random bums that make Archer look intelligent get a free promotion to Fleet Admiral. Does this have to do with a re-occurrence of the computer glitch which hands out promotions in alphabetical order, you know, the one responsible for Archer's career?
Oh and by the way, I still haven't gotten the complimentary "We still care about you as much as we care about the replicator" pen that got misdelivered to the U.S.S. Lexington. I snooped around Earth Spacedock's cargo manifests and found that it arrived there a month ago, but I still have yet to receive it. I'm tired of waiting, so I'll just break into the cargo bay and get it tomorrow morning.
I'll stop by your office while I'm there, and I expect a Fleet Admiral commission waiting for me. I really don't have the time to be taking care of these things on my own, you know. You sit in that stupid desk all day, amusing yourself by reviewing the stack of PADDs with all of Captain Janeway's violations - last I heard you all were almost finished taking care of starfish through Stongehenge before the stack toppled over on a hapless ensign and you had to reorganize it alphabetically all over again - so why don't you take some time out of your busy schedule and just fill out a commission for me? It's like you're a non-sentient computer simulation or something.
Admiral Voporak
Commanding Officer U.S.S. Black Phantom, NX-92976-A
[End transmission]
Hello again dear Quinn, it's your good friend Admiral Voporak. You seem to have ignored my last transmission on the subject of being left at the rank of Admiral while random bums that make Archer look intelligent get a free promotion to Fleet Admiral. Does this have to do with a re-occurrence of the computer glitch which hands out promotions in alphabetical order, you know, the one responsible for Archer's career?
Oh and by the way, I still haven't gotten the complimentary "We still care about you as much as we care about the replicator" pen that got misdelivered to the U.S.S. Lexington. I snooped around Earth Spacedock's cargo manifests and found that it arrived there a month ago, but I still have yet to receive it. I'm tired of waiting, so I'll just break into the cargo bay and get it tomorrow morning.
I'll stop by your office while I'm there, and I expect a Fleet Admiral commission waiting for me. I really don't have the time to be taking care of these things on my own, you know. You sit in that stupid desk all day, amusing yourself by reviewing the stack of PADDs with all of Captain Janeway's violations - last I heard you all were almost finished taking care of starfish through Stongehenge before the stack toppled over on a hapless ensign and you had to reorganize it alphabetically all over again - so why don't you take some time out of your busy schedule and just fill out a commission for me? It's like you're a non-sentient computer simulation or something.
Admiral Voporak
Commanding Officer U.S.S. Black Phantom, NX-92976-A
[End transmission]
I ask nothing but that you remember me.
Post edited by voporak on
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Comments
Ensign Lessa
Mwahahahahahahaha
To: Commander: USS Black Phantom
Just discovered ANOTHER crate apparently meant for you aboard the Lexington mixed in with supplies for Delta Command in the Jenolan Sphere. Since I'm already heading there... I'll go ahead and drop it off with instructions to have it given to you when you arrive at Jenolan.
Whoever keeps giving me your cargo needs to learn the difference between our ships. I don't even think the Black Phantom is even a Sovereign Class. Let alone the fact the registry numbers are totally different.
Captain (Officially Admiral, but hates the paperwork) Krystal Jade
Commanding Officer USS Lexington, NCC-91709-A
[End Transmission]
Oh, it's you again Admiral Voporak.
You want Fleet Admiralship? Well I've laid out a whole series of grinds for you in the Delta Quadrant.
As for the rank hyperinflation, don't worry about it, I can still outrank you all. Now kindly get back to the Dyson Sphere and get back to taking orders from a Commander.
Super-duper Ultra Fleet Admiral, Supream Commander-General of the Universe Quinn.
Commanding Officer Earth Space Dock, Starbase 01.
[End transmission]
Norway and Yeager dammit... I still want my Typhoon and Jupiter though.
JJ Trek The Kelvin Timeline is just Trek and it's fully canon... get over it. But I still prefer TAR.
#TASforSTO
'...I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales.' Kirk: The Voyage Home
'Starfleet is not a military organisation. Its purpose is exploration.' Picard: Peak Performance
'This is clearly a military operation. Is that what we are now? Because I thought we were explorers!' Scotty: Into Darkness
'...The Federation. Starfleet. We're not a military agency.' Scotty: Beyond
'I'm not a soldier anymore. I'm an engineer.' Miles O'Brien: Empok Nor
'...Starfleet could use you... It's a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada...' Admiral Pike: Star Trek
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Hey Voporak,
My boss says stop annoying him or he'll have me rip out your respiratory system and eat it in front of your face.
Between you and me, if I do kill you it's nothing personal, just company policy.
Best,
Nemesis unit designation Three.
End transmission
To: Commander of USS Black Phantom
Even I have issues with the people sorting cargo at Earth Space-dock,. Last time I was there I was supposed to receive a shipment of salvaged Voth ship components to repair my ship, instead I received crates of energy cells, shield generators and medical supplies. That mix up made us stuck at Earth Space-dock for three weeks while we tracked down where the components went.
As for all the people becoming Fleet Admiral, I think they are just being kind to them while on paper they still have all the command abilities of a Vice Admiral.
Admiral Thanu Orliv
Commanding Officer: Leviathan (NCC-931103)
[End transmission]
To USS Black Phantom's Commanding Officer
I am sorry to inform you that Admiral Quinn is being transferred to the Pelia Sector to see what the rest of us admirals put up with, and he will not be there to give out Fleet Admiral commissions at this time.
Oh, who had him kicked out? I did.
Oh, so people figured Fleet Admiral was the max? Tell that to the crew of an Armada Admiral.
No worries, I've got newly promoted Fleet Admiral Kurland working on it. You know, who could possibly fail at handing out Fleet Admiral promotions to everyone that walks by? :rolleyes:
Armada Admiral Nat Wallace
U.S.S. Firestorm X, Fleet Avenger X Battle-Dreadnought Carrier
[End Transmission]
Winning.
Oh, now don't tell me you want in on all this! Well, ok. Look this that Egg Pawn hanging outside your window, pointing his laser rifle at you, waiting for my next order. He's doing his part. He helps conquer the weak-minded. He roboticizes the weak-bodied. Heck, he even helps keep the useless people from causing any trouble, but you know what? Join. Find the closest Nataran Empire roboticization center near you and join the ranks, before the ranks find you. Oh, I know, you figure it must be so satisfying to know I basically rule the world now, and you know what? It is, but do you want to know the true definition of satisfaction? Well, let me tell you a little story. One day, you see a brand new event. They're giving out boxes that give old event stuff. Your dilithium is plentiful. You buy a whole lot of Phoenix packs on your main, and open them all. You get one epic token. Then, you decide, that since you have all the Breen ships and don't give a damn about the others, you exchange it for an ultra rare, and grab yourself a Jem'Hadar Attack Ship and for the hell of it, a Voth Bulwark. You open both, leaving the Bulwark in your vast masses of starships as you jump into the bugship and deck it out, deck by deck, into the most awesome Jem'Hadar ship you can. You fly it. You enjoy it. Eventually, you get bored and leave, leaving the old Bulwark never flown... until later. Your main is long complete. Your new alt main, based off some character you pulled out of nothing just to explain away some starship being in service without the command of your dear admiral, is also complete. Mostly. Their reps and doffs are hard at work, getting you stuff. You realize the potential, and head back for your dear admiral, pull the most Voth themed build you can out of thin air, and suit up in your giant ship in the shape of you know what. You head out... and cause all sorts of havoc. Enemies scream out your name as their very life is drained away by your swarms of Aceton Assimilators. They complain to the devs of your OPness when you revive yourself from death every time you die. Do you show any form of mercy? No. After all, this isn't the United Federation of Planets, this is mother frakkin' Starfleet, where you explore strange new worlds and kick butt never kicked before. Oh, and you realize that I just wrote another speech rivaling your own signature. Cool. Oh, wait, that's just the original draft, it is part of my signature now. Oh, and yes, I am aware that I have become a Canadian Regent; one day, sooner than you'd expect, we'll suddenly decide to take over the world and declare an "alliance", and I shall become it's Regent. You know, like the Klingon-Cardassian Alliance in the mirror universe of our beloved Star Trek. Oh, who'll we be taking over with? I dunno, maybe [REDACTED], or maybe aliens from outer space. Guess you'll have to wait and find out, won't we? Until then, don't ask too many questions, or else my Breen allies on Titania might pick up on your -- [REDACTED BY BREEN CONFEDERACY FOR REASONS] Also, psst... keep an eye out for flying Tribbles! Also walls. Big, great walls, separating entire continents apart. Walls patrolled by Tribbles. Flying Tribbles. Flying Nukara Tribbles. Don't worry, it's not like they were on Venus with a herd of Tholians or anything, they just like the extreme heat and brutal weather like acid rain and hurricane force winds as the norm. Oh, and definitely keep your eye out on any two-tailed foxes, because if they ain't glowing, they're definitely an imposter. Possibly an Undine, we caught one of those once in my place once. Oh, and if you find a two-tailed fox that doesn't like the cold... most certainly ask him to say sorry. If he refuses, DESTROY HIM WITH A DOOMSDAY MACHINE, BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH AGAINST SUCH AN OVERPOWERED IMPOSTER!
tr;dr, I am winning last post wins 3.0. Thank you for your time.