Posted the first part of my contribution I've chosen to do Literary Challenge #41 - Call to Arms. I've simplified and spiced it up a bit, if that makes sense. It's going to be a two-parter, because it's already getting quite long and I think I need a break now after spending literally the whole day writing.
All and any feedback is welcome!
If ever there was a need for a commanding officer to be relieved of duty, this would be it... Emotionally compromised, unprofessional behaviour, this has all the makings of a good mutiny
Very nice, and I like the fact that the derisive nickname really isn't all that bad (compared to the TRIBBLE and the Herpes, Bedpan actually sounds downright tame).
The new BOffs are fun, too.
I definitely look forward to seeing the Bedpan in a mission or two, though what I really want to know is what ship he commands next, what its name is, and what its derisive nickname is.
If ever there was a need for a commanding officer to be relieved of duty, this would be it... Emotionally compromised, unprofessional behaviour, this has all the makings of a good mutiny
Oh, tell me about it... I don't think anybody on that ship can even spell mutiny anymore, though. :rolleyes:
Looking forward to getting some reading done tomorrow! (Or tonight? What time is it...)
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...
Selek - Bill Milner
Marcus Kane - Asa Butterfield
Alix Kane - Shyloh Oostwald
Vonik - Lorenzo James Henrie
Stann - Colby Paul
Serrak - Cody Klop
Tuvok - Tim Russ
Tonnek - Mark Strong
Semok - Michael Sheen
Sovak - Tony Amendola
T'Reya - Emily Ratajkowski
Paul Kane - Chris Noth
T'Jenn - Famke Janssen
T'Mell - Carey Lowell
Rebecca Kane - Mimi Rogers
T'Lami - Marion Cotillard
Excellent as always, Marcus. And, "Sprunk: The taste of things to come!" (at least until the car goes through the billboard...)
Thanks, I was considering going with Slurm, but given GTA V's release, thought I'd keep it topical :cool: Really enjoyed your entry as well :cool: Did Vov keep hold of the Supercomputer, or has Mycroft been forced to downgrade his accommodations aboard the bedpan?
Did Vov keep hold of the Supercomputer, or has Mycroft been forced to downgrade his accommodations aboard the bedpan?
Dangit, I knew I left something out. Maybe I should go put that into the story, but the supercomputer stayed aboard the Herpes. However, Starfleet did have to buy the salvage rights from Vovonek, for a sum of GPL.
Not sure the new accommodations are that much of a downgrade, though; all the systems of the Bedpan are properly integrated, unlike Vov's improvised system, and it is the very latest in Federation computer technology (along with holoprojectors in most areas of the ship, so Mycroft can project his avatar as desired!).
As a side note, I started giving the ships derogatory nicknames in imitation of a tradition I've seen in the US Navy, where sailors often mock their own craft. The carrier USS Kitty Hawk, for instance, is variously known as the Kitty Litter or the Sh*tty Kitty; the carrier USS Enterprise was sometimes known as the Enterprison prior to her retirement (it also picked up the nicknames "Big E" and "Fleet Starship"); the submarine USS Gato, decommissioned in 1996, was often called the Ghetto; and so forth. (After looking up one of the above examples, I also found what I think is my favorite pair of nicknames. In 1975, the guided-missile frigate USS Belknap collided with the carrier USS John F. Kennedy in foggy conditions; after that, the Belknap became known as the Belcrash, while the Kennedy became the Can Opener.)
Edit: After perusing this list, I was amused to find that the Enterprise, the first nuclear-powered carrier in the US fleet, was also known as Mobile Chernobyl and Three-Quarter-Mile Island.
Dangit, I knew I left something out. Maybe I should go put that into the story, but the supercomputer stayed aboard the Herpes. However, Starfleet did have to buy the salvage rights from Vovonek, for a sum of GPL.
Not sure the new accommodations are that much of a downgrade, though; all the systems of the Bedpan are properly integrated, unlike Vov's improvised system, and it is the very latest in Federation computer technology (along with holoprojectors in most areas of the ship, so Mycroft can project his avatar as desired!).
As a side note, I started giving the ships derogatory nicknames in imitation of a tradition I've seen in the US Navy, where sailors often mock their own craft. The carrier USS Kitty Hawk, for instance, is variously known as the Kitty Litter or the Sh*tty Kitty; the carrier USS Enterprise was sometimes known as the Enterprison prior to her retirement (it also picked up the nicknames "Big E" and "Fleet Starship"); the submarine USS Gato, decommissioned in 1996, was often called the Ghetto; and so forth. (After looking up one of the above examples, I also found what I think is my favorite pair of nicknames. In 1975, the guided-missile frigate USS Belknap collided with the carrier USS John F. Kennedy in foggy conditions; after that, the Belknap became known as the Belcrash, while the Kennedy became the Can Opener.)
Edit: After perusing this list, I was amused to find that the Enterprise, the first nuclear-powered carrier in the US fleet, was also known as Mobile Chernobyl and Three-Quarter-Mile Island.
I missed an entire 24 hours out of my entry... I rather like the nicknames, Ijust wo under how Grunt and co will deal with a new ship which isn't falling apart on them :cool:
I definitely look forward to seeing the Bedpan in a mission or two, though what I really want to know is what ship he commands next, what its name is, and what its derisive nickname is.
Well, in-game Admiral Grunt commands the Magellan-class USS Ferenginar; I haven't come up with a good nickname for her, though.
[shameless plug] For those of you who have been following patrickngo's and my latest story, "The Dark Horses" - I've posted Act Three [/shameless plug]
REVIEWS!!
@anziadeet - great story! I really enjoyed Quallo.
@jonnaroslyn - very nice. The character portraits are a good idea, but I found the links to be a bit distracting, especially once the story got rolling. Perhaps next time, put a crew list here in the discussion thread and cross-link to your story.
@jonsills - Nice to see Grunt and crew get a ship that's worthy of their abilities! I particularly liked the new additions to the roster.
@marcudkane - terrific as always. That was a very nice read. I liked the reference to William Sander and Star Enterprises (and his description as a "hipster" - creative license, but I think I'll run with it.) That bit was particularly interesting because in my universe it was Greg Sander who came up with the final breakthrough that made the quantum warhead possible. I also enjoyed seeing Marcus in need of rescue. Great casting, also.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
[shameless plug] For those of you who have been following patrickngo's and my latest story, "The Dark Horses" - I've posted Act Three [/shameless plug]
terrific as always. That was a very nice read. I liked the reference to William Sander and Star Enterprises (and his description as a "hipster" - creative license, but I think I'll run with it.)
I'm glad you enjoyed it, but of course, that could just have been Paul's (mis)perception of him :cool:
That bit was particularly interesting because in my universe it was Greg Sander who came up with the final breakthrough that made the quantum warhead possible.
With 15-20 years, Greg may have found a way to shift Paul's simulations to reality :cool:
I feel like I skimped on those last scenes a little, but couldn't think of any way of extending them, without repeating too many details such as why they were there, and their beacon...
[edit to add]
I've tweaked the scene between Paul and T'Reya... I realised he was speaking too much like the formal tone I used to convey Vuhlkansu, and wanted to add a little more 'embarrassing parenting'...
Well, over half way done with my entry. It seems to be taking longer to write than the last two, but it's coming along. And yes, it does continue the current story following the Gorn ambush. It actually picks up directly where the last one finished.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
I feel like I skimped on those last scenes a little, but couldn't think of any way of extending them, without repeating too many details such as why they were there, and their beacon...
The ending did feel a little abrupt, to be honest. I'm not sure if the scenes themselves were too lean or if it was missing a sort of family reunion moment. (That might have been too cheesy...)
I've tweaked the scene between Paul and T'Reya... I realised he was speaking too much like the formal tone I used to convey Vuhlkansu, and wanted to add a little more 'embarrassing parenting'...
Good call. That scene was hilarious.
:cool: Any particular instances?
Asa Butterfield AKA Ender Wiggin as Young Marcus Kane is absolutely perfect.
And I love Marion Cotillard. She's such a wonderfully versatile actress. I want more of her.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
It hadn't really sunk in before, probably because from my POV it's not that remarkable, but...
Marcus, did you say that Alix's condition was similar to high-functioning autism, or Asperger's Syndrome? Because as an Aspie, that bit about having to memorize the "social niceties", nonsensical as they may seem sometimes, certainly rang true...
Jon's Post, supplemental: My roommate, who was once in the Navy, read that post about the nicknames and wanted to let me know that his old ship, the landing craft Belleau Wood (which was decommissioned at the same time as he was transferring to the Army), was more popularly known to the sailors aboard as the Ghetto Hood, because they carried Marines around.
(As an ironical side-note, when he transferred into the Army, he wound up in the 4th Division, 2nd Brigade - a brigade which served with distinction at the Battle of Belleau Wood, and included a division of Marines.)
It hadn't really sunk in before, probably because from my POV it's not that remarkable, but...
Marcus, did you say that Alix's condition was similar to high-functioning autism, or Asperger's Syndrome? Because as an Aspie, that bit about having to memorize the "social niceties", nonsensical as they may seem sometimes, certainly rang true...
You're an Aspie, jonsills? So am I!!! And I, too, can relate to having to memorize "Social niceties"... I'm still trying to learn some of them!!
The ending did feel a little abrupt, to be honest. I'm not sure if the scenes themselves were too lean or if it was missing a sort of family reunion moment. (That might have been too cheesy...)
I figured that a reunion might've been a bit cheesy, but equally, I specifically wanted it to end at the moment when Marcus and Selek transition from simply being friends, to truly seeing each other as brothers. I did (and still do) wonder if there should maybe have been an additional scene to show T'Mell's investigation somehow... What do you think?
:cool: I remember reading about a cut scene from Voyage Home where a single piece of candy intoxicates Spock... After several bottles of MD, T'Reya would have been hammered
Asa Butterfield AKA Ender Wiggin as Young Marcus Kane is absolutely perfect.
And I love Marion Cotillard. She's such a wonderfully versatile actress. I want more of her.
:cool: Given the Vulcan lifespan, there is always a possibility of her appearing in the current timeframe... ^_^ (and equally, I have to admit, I loved writing Tuvok as a displeased commuter )
It hadn't really sunk in before, probably because from my POV it's not that remarkable, but...
Marcus, did you say that Alix's condition was similar to high-functioning autism, or Asperger's Syndrome? Because as an Aspie, that bit about having to memorize the "social niceties", nonsensical as they may seem sometimes, certainly rang true...
Yes, she had to be resequenced from XY to XX, and as a result 'high-functioning autism' is probably the kindest way to describe her behaviour, which combines Lauren's obsessive/predatory sexuality, with Jack's psychopathic mood-swings (hence her flying off the handle when Marcus and Selek teased her) While writing, I did mentally wrestle with the idea that she knew that soda would get T'Reya drunk, and simply did so for her own amusement, but I eventually decided that she was simply trying to be nice, and was unaware of the result of feeding a Vulcan that much sugar The drunker T'Reya got, the more hyper Alix got to keep up...
Jon's Post, supplemental: My roommate, who was once in the Navy, read that post about the nicknames and wanted to let me know that his old ship, the landing craft Belleau Wood (which was decommissioned at the same time as he was transferring to the Army), was more popularly known to the sailors aboard as the Ghetto Hood, because they carried Marines around.
(As an ironical side-note, when he transferred into the Army, he wound up in the 4th Division, 2nd Brigade - a brigade which served with distinction at the Battle of Belleau Wood, and included a division of Marines.)
It's things like that, which make me think that if there is a higher power, they have a sense of humor
Not much to say that others haven't already, to be honest--good story, and didn't notice Alix's Aspy-like tendencies until jonsills mentioned them.
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it :cool: To be fair, Alix was never as extreme as the DS-9 Augments, but she definitely would have offended people without intending to (and in some cases intended to but just not cared) Not severe enough to be institutionalised like Lauren, Jack and Patrick, but definitely not capable of passing a Starfleet psych evaluation (even if her genetics were to be ignored as lifesaving)
@jonnaroslyn - very nice. The character portraits are a good idea, but I found the links to be a bit distracting, especially once the story got rolling. Perhaps next time, put a crew list here in the discussion thread and cross-link to your story.
Thanks for letting me know! I thought it would be a practical thing to do, but I can see how it can distract from the text. I've kept it for now, for consistency's sake, but I'll think of something different for next time!
Comments
Very nice, and I like the fact that the derisive nickname really isn't all that bad (compared to the TRIBBLE and the Herpes, Bedpan actually sounds downright tame).
The new BOffs are fun, too.
I definitely look forward to seeing the Bedpan in a mission or two, though what I really want to know is what ship he commands next, what its name is, and what its derisive nickname is.
Oh, tell me about it... I don't think anybody on that ship can even spell mutiny anymore, though. :rolleyes:
Looking forward to getting some reading done tomorrow! (Or tonight? What time is it...)
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...
Selek - Bill Milner
Marcus Kane - Asa Butterfield
Alix Kane - Shyloh Oostwald
Vonik - Lorenzo James Henrie
Stann - Colby Paul
Serrak - Cody Klop
Tuvok - Tim Russ
Tonnek - Mark Strong
Semok - Michael Sheen
Sovak - Tony Amendola
T'Reya - Emily Ratajkowski
Paul Kane - Chris Noth
T'Jenn - Famke Janssen
T'Mell - Carey Lowell
Rebecca Kane - Mimi Rogers
T'Lami - Marion Cotillard
Thanks, I was considering going with Slurm, but given GTA V's release, thought I'd keep it topical :cool: Really enjoyed your entry as well :cool: Did Vov keep hold of the Supercomputer, or has Mycroft been forced to downgrade his accommodations aboard the bedpan?
Not sure the new accommodations are that much of a downgrade, though; all the systems of the Bedpan are properly integrated, unlike Vov's improvised system, and it is the very latest in Federation computer technology (along with holoprojectors in most areas of the ship, so Mycroft can project his avatar as desired!).
As a side note, I started giving the ships derogatory nicknames in imitation of a tradition I've seen in the US Navy, where sailors often mock their own craft. The carrier USS Kitty Hawk, for instance, is variously known as the Kitty Litter or the Sh*tty Kitty; the carrier USS Enterprise was sometimes known as the Enterprison prior to her retirement (it also picked up the nicknames "Big E" and "Fleet Starship"); the submarine USS Gato, decommissioned in 1996, was often called the Ghetto; and so forth. (After looking up one of the above examples, I also found what I think is my favorite pair of nicknames. In 1975, the guided-missile frigate USS Belknap collided with the carrier USS John F. Kennedy in foggy conditions; after that, the Belknap became known as the Belcrash, while the Kennedy became the Can Opener.)
Edit: After perusing this list, I was amused to find that the Enterprise, the first nuclear-powered carrier in the US fleet, was also known as Mobile Chernobyl and Three-Quarter-Mile Island.
I missed an entire 24 hours out of my entry...
Hope it makes sense, as it is a work in progress.
REVIEWS!!
@anziadeet - great story! I really enjoyed Quallo.
@jonnaroslyn - very nice. The character portraits are a good idea, but I found the links to be a bit distracting, especially once the story got rolling. Perhaps next time, put a crew list here in the discussion thread and cross-link to your story.
@aeten66 - I really want to see this finished...
@jonsills - Nice to see Grunt and crew get a ship that's worthy of their abilities! I particularly liked the new additions to the roster.
@marcudkane - terrific as always. That was a very nice read. I liked the reference to William Sander and Star Enterprises (and his description as a "hipster" - creative license, but I think I'll run with it.) That bit was particularly interesting because in my universe it was Greg Sander who came up with the final breakthrough that made the quantum warhead possible. I also enjoyed seeing Marcus in need of rescue. Great casting, also.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Excellent, Things're really warming up :cool:
I'm glad you enjoyed it, but of course, that could just have been Paul's (mis)perception of him :cool:
With 15-20 years, Greg may have found a way to shift Paul's simulations to reality :cool:
I feel like I skimped on those last scenes a little, but couldn't think of any way of extending them, without repeating too many details such as why they were there, and their beacon...
[edit to add]
I've tweaked the scene between Paul and T'Reya... I realised he was speaking too much like the formal tone I used to convey Vuhlkansu, and wanted to add a little more 'embarrassing parenting'...
:cool: Any particular instances?
Actually, I finished it yesterday; after I posted, I only added a little bit, then the rest of it.
I may add more, depending on feedback.
Read and review my piece, I feel good with what it is, but I can clear some things up if anything doesn't make sense.:D
I like it :cool: I wouldn't add any more, it already has some nice character insights, and anything else may be overworking it
*insights, not nights, damn iAutocorrect >_<
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
And I love Marion Cotillard. She's such a wonderfully versatile actress. I want more of her.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Marcus, did you say that Alix's condition was similar to high-functioning autism, or Asperger's Syndrome? Because as an Aspie, that bit about having to memorize the "social niceties", nonsensical as they may seem sometimes, certainly rang true...
Jon's Post, supplemental: My roommate, who was once in the Navy, read that post about the nicknames and wanted to let me know that his old ship, the landing craft Belleau Wood (which was decommissioned at the same time as he was transferring to the Army), was more popularly known to the sailors aboard as the Ghetto Hood, because they carried Marines around.
(As an ironical side-note, when he transferred into the Army, he wound up in the 4th Division, 2nd Brigade - a brigade which served with distinction at the Battle of Belleau Wood, and included a division of Marines.)
You're an Aspie, jonsills? So am I!!! And I, too, can relate to having to memorize "Social niceties"... I'm still trying to learn some of them!!
:cool: I remember reading about a cut scene from Voyage Home where a single piece of candy intoxicates Spock... After several bottles of MD, T'Reya would have been hammered
:cool: Given the Vulcan lifespan, there is always a possibility of her appearing in the current timeframe... ^_^ (and equally, I have to admit, I loved writing Tuvok as a displeased commuter
It's things like that, which make me think that if there is a higher power, they have a sense of humor
1: As I have pdd I find it more then a little interesting to see this form of creativity from aspies.
2: I've updated my story.
Very nice :cool: Only one problem... It finishes too soon
Probably because it's not quite done just yet. Am I right?
That makes sense :cool: Silly me
[edit to add] Your thoughts on my entry?
:eek: Egad, so am I! Funny, the number of aspies I've run into on this forum...
I'll get some reviews in soonish. I've been kinda busy this week. Rest assured, though, I am not sitting this one out.
Not much to say that others haven't already, to be honest--good story, and didn't notice Alix's Aspy-like tendencies until jonsills mentioned them.
EDIT:
Indeed... :cool:
Thanks for letting me know! I thought it would be a practical thing to do, but I can see how it can distract from the text. I've kept it for now, for consistency's sake, but I'll think of something different for next time!