Thanks for the kind words! This was my first/learning mission. Since then, I've found new ways to warp the foundry to my will. (You should see what I'm working on now)
Now before you use Glaf, you might want to find out what became of him:
TITLE : Plato's Requiem
AUTHOR : Raptorwalker
CODE : ST-HL8LXOTGT
LEVEL : Any
LOCATION : Watran, Regulas sector
LENGTH : 10-15 minutes
TAGS : FED, RolePlay, English
DESCRIPTION : (spoiler alert) Doctor Luthar is now in rehabilitaion. 8 years of ruling over the small population of Orions and Starfleet behind him, his research classified and buried under kilometers of federation red-tape. Luthar is on the road to recovery... (/spoiler alert)
LINKS : None
RATINGS OUT OF 5
Gameplay 3
Trek 2
Design 2.5
Difficulty 2
Grind 3 THOUGHTS : This mission is yet another take or rescue the diplomat. Unfortunately due to the Authors intention to do a series, this mission does not stand on it's own, nor influence me to play the sequel. It offers some fun combat and an enjoyable capture the bridge sequence, but other than that it is a grind and finds me wishing this competent author would start with something simple. ***/Stars.
Description Mission location in green missing.
Mission Accept Box Excellent another Trans warp mission start location.
First Thoughts Hmm oh no, another diplomatic conference. Lol...
1st Door Would of like more info on the popup.
Maps:
1.K7 space This doesn't look like the one in the real world of STO.
2.Bird of prey upper deck, big interior for such little ships.
Objectives:
Go to K7 System. Just spent 10minutes running around the station after a Trans Warp.
K7 Interior. Really! just copy Starbase 82's map.
Vulcan space Map transition needs to be previous dialog.
Return to Turbo lift. Are you kidding me. Advance the plotline, never make the player go back.
Check logs - why can't I do this in the captains office.
Story:
1.Why would the Vulcan's not have detected the ships in orbit?
2.Ship interior feels a bit like go here do this then that. Added with the K7 interior this is getting to be very grindy.
Design:
Why not start your mission on the K7 interior social zone?
Beginning of your story should be. Go to k7 space beam Gorn aboard, brief him in your ready room. Maybe he bought an Orion slave while at K7 or Drozona preferably. Maybe if it were on Drozona you would have to find him.
Why not use Gorn ships?
Never have a battle after a map Transition.
Comment - A poor start to a Foundry series. This mission does not stand on it's own, otherwise it would of been 4 stars. |Gameplay 3|Trek 2|Design 2.5|Difficulty 2|Grind 3|[/QUOTE]
Thank you for the detailed review. I'll have to replay it with your critiques in mind and see what I might want to change. There are some things I can agree with now that you point them out, although I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say it would be 4 stars if it wasn't a series opener, yet it can't stand on it's own. Do you mean that I am attempting something too complicated for a first mission? In any case, thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to play my mission. I really am trying to make the Gorn more relevant with this story. They are kind of on the backburner and I think they could be more of a threat to the Federation. I offer these for your review:
Title: "Give Peace a Chance Part II" ID: ST-HH6OORX52 Author: Futurecaptain Allegience: Starfleet Level: 41+ Location: Defera System from sector space. Duration: 30-40mins Description: Continue your journey to Defera and protect the ambassadors from any attempts to disrupt the proceedings. Once the ambassadors are secure discover all you can from Captain Sten.
Title: "Descent into Madness" ID: ST-HBNQF27RD Author: Futurecaptain Allegience: Starfleet Level: 41+ Location: Cestus System in Gamma Orionis. Duration: 25-35 mins Description: A military installation of Klingon design has been detected on the Borg occupied world of Cestus III. We have the U.S.S. Bounty in the system to conduct covert scans of the facility. You are ordered to the Cestus System in order to plan the next step based on the information the Bounty has obtained.
Filbones, in your original post you listed in under recommended DONT'S:
"Use artistic creativity with generic STO Implements."
I'm in the process of putting together my 1st mission and I'm curious as to what this means.
Can you cite me an example of what would be "bad creativity" with generic art assets? Do you mean like building elaborate sets or differnt things out of generic building blocks, floors and walls etc? Is this generaly considered a bad idea in foundry author community?
My apologies if this is a question that is perhaps answered earlier in the thread or elsewhere on the forum. I'm relatively new here.
You have my respect for your contribution to this community.
Respect is not what I ask for. Collaboration and creative encouragement as well as criticism is. This question has been hinted on in topics, but not really in-forced by the community, however it can cause Authors to receive 1 star ratings from the general community.
Generic STO Implements examples.
First door Text - [Enter Vulcan] authors may use this or [Mission:Title]. [Drop out of warp] is also accepted but very rarely encouraged. Mission Accept Box - This is a mission Brief, which needs the mission location and any other valuable information in order to prepare you for the mission. Great way to introduce the Protagonist or antagonist. Some people use Incoming Communication, this also is not encouraged. Description - This is where your promote your mission. Cryptic does the same with there missions. An encouragement towards the audience to play this mission and why. This also requires the mission start location. Objectives - These are used in order to be most informative towards getting the player to there next objective. Objectives are not used to tell the story, only to help the player play the story. Map Transition - Do not waste this box with a simple prepare beam out. These are the most valuable popup to be used to advance your story, however keep you [continue text] relative to what is happening.
As for design and dialogue within your mission, go for your life. I do encourage keeping objects within the con-finds of there proper environment. No one likes to see a Federation door on a Klingon Vessel.
These are just simple rules in order to keep the player happy. As they are what the player has come to expects and rely on during normal game content. I break the rules in my mission, but I create what I like to play and am happy with all criticism. Most authors however are not and I recommend these to those who want gratification from there reviews.
These rules have also been accepted by most of the foundry community and were developed by many of the Foundry Authors who spent countless hour testing the engine on Tribble.
Thank you for the detailed review. I'll have to replay it with your critiques in mind and see what I might want to change. There are some things I can agree with now that you point them out, although I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say it would be 4 stars if it wasn't a series opener, yet it can't stand on it's own. Do you mean that I am attempting something too complicated for a first mission? In any case, thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to play my mission. I really am trying to make the Gorn more relevant with this story. They are kind of on the backburner and I think they could be more of a threat to the Federation.
Your mission is only a prelude to a Crisis. Most missions have there prelude within the first three map transitions at most. The story is only a beginning and without a middle and an ending the mission doesn't have a story. All Trek episodes have a Beginning middle and an ending. Actually all literature other than absurd artistic literature follows in this tradition. By not having a conclusion to your conflict within the climax of your mission, you leave the player with no accomplishment or gratification.
A cliff hanger never ends at the middle of the story, it always appears at the end. For example you save an Orion Slave girl and at the end of the story you find out she's an Undine. The bum bum effect.
This mission could be a really amazing and popular mission if you give a second perspective to the story and give it a plot-line within the seasons plot-line. Most stories have at least 3 main characters with different perspectives to the situation. I want to have an opinion towards the events, other than having my opinion forced by the dialogue, foundry limitations and linear Story.
Can't wait to play the rest of your missions, you are talented and once you start thinking outside the box, character, plot-line, and environment you will be unbeatable. I encourage you to play other foundry missions at all stages of development.
Your mission is only a prelude to a Crisis. Most missions have there prelude within the first three map transitions at most. The story is only a beginning and without a middle and an ending the mission doesn't have a story. All Trek episodes have a Beginning middle and an ending. Actually all literature other than absurd artistic literature follows in this tradition. By not having a conclusion to your conflict within the climax of your mission, you leave the player with no accomplishment or gratification.
A cliff hanger never ends at the middle of the story, it always appears at the end. For example you save an Orion Slave girl and at the end of the story you find out she's an Undine. The bum bum effect.
This mission could be a really amazing and popular mission if you give a second perspective to the story and give it a plot-line within the seasons plot-line. Most stories have at least 3 main characters with different perspectives to the situation. I want to have an opinion towards the events, other than having my opinion forced by the dialogue, foundry limitations and linear Story.
Can't wait to play the rest of your missions, you are talented and once you start thinking outside the box, character, plot-line, and environment you will be unbeatable. I encourage you to play other foundry missions at all stages of development.
Well not everyone gets the prelude in just 3 maps but it is helpful. I took 4 which some people have an problem with. Understandable but unavoidable. It's your mission you can do what you want but you may regret it as the reveiws roll in. Everyone likes quicker missions but if you can't find a logical break point than you have to extend the mission and make it longer. It's a difficult task. Sorti Rising took me nearly 3 and a half weeks and 15 re-writes and it's stil not perfect. Lol.. ask Fillbones he'll tell you that:D
Well not everyone gets the prelude in just 3 maps but it is helpful. I took 4 which some people have an problem with. Understandable but unavoidable. It's your mission you can do what you want but you may regret it as the reveiws roll in. Everyone likes quicker missions but if you can't find a logical break point than you have to extend the mission and make it longer. It's a difficult task. Sorti Rising took me nearly 3 and a half weeks and 15 re-writes and it's stil not perfect. Lol.. ask Fillbones he'll tell you that:D
Agreed. My main mission has been in development for about 6 months and it's still not finished. Besides the fact that it takes at-least 1 hour to finish even without the last two maps or playing the extra content. I don't care what people think, But the mission would not make any sense If I didn't have people help me. Make something you like playing and if you play it more than it is reviewed you will begin to improve it and get better ratings. The thing that gets me most with foundry missions is that there never finished.
My First mission "Mysterious Grace" became "Can't Keep A New Suit Clean"
"Can't Keep A New Suite Clean" Became a three part series adding the titles "All Warriors Are Cold Warriors" and "Shall We Not Revenge" - Currently on Tribble.
And Finally I have combined them all in "The Chimes At Midnight" On Holodeck. With two spin-off's "The Fun-house" and "The Return"
And yet I have nothing published, but they will be by the end of the month as I'm now working on a foundry magazine.
Your mission is only a prelude to a Crisis. Most missions have there prelude within the first three map transitions at most. The story is only a beginning and without a middle and an ending the mission doesn't have a story. All Trek episodes have a Beginning middle and an ending. Actually all literature other than absurd artistic literature follows in this tradition. By not having a conclusion to your conflict within the climax of your mission, you leave the player with no accomplishment or gratification.
A cliff hanger never ends at the middle of the story, it always appears at the end. For example you save an Orion Slave girl and at the end of the story you find out she's an Undine. The bum bum effect.
This mission could be a really amazing and popular mission if you give a second perspective to the story and give it a plot-line within the seasons plot-line. Most stories have at least 3 main characters with different perspectives to the situation. I want to have an opinion towards the events, other than having my opinion forced by the dialogue, foundry limitations and linear Story.
Can't wait to play the rest of your missions, you are talented and once you start thinking outside the box, character, plot-line, and environment you will be unbeatable. I encourage you to play other foundry missions at all stages of development.
Definitely some food for thought. Once I hear your opinion of the other two missions, I'll be more in a position to think about reworking them. Overall, the first and second missions are holding at 4+ out of 5 each, though they are not nearly perfect. The first part that you played was originally part 2 of my initial concept. I reworked it to be part 1 and it would seem I didn't flesh out enough of what is happening to make it a good part 1. The original part one was quite horrible. I look forward to yours and anyone elses opinions to help me improve and I'll keep an eye out for your mission.
Since I've just published Starfleet Experimentation's sequel Hidden Intelligence. I was wondering if you'd take a look at both of them since you hadn't 'reviewed' the completly re-worked final map before.
I will no longer be checking this thread. The beta Filbones Reviews thread has been moved now foundry is functioning and now fully implemented on Holodeck.
Comments
Now before you use Glaf, you might want to find out what became of him:
TITLE : Plato's Requiem
AUTHOR : Raptorwalker
CODE : ST-HL8LXOTGT
LEVEL : Any
LOCATION : Watran, Regulas sector
LENGTH : 10-15 minutes
TAGS : FED, RolePlay, English
DESCRIPTION : (spoiler alert) Doctor Luthar is now in rehabilitaion. 8 years of ruling over the small population of Orions and Starfleet behind him, his research classified and buried under kilometers of federation red-tape. Luthar is on the road to recovery... (/spoiler alert)
LINKS : None
Gameplay 3
Trek 2
Design 2.5
Difficulty 2
Grind 3
THOUGHTS : This mission is yet another take or rescue the diplomat. Unfortunately due to the Authors intention to do a series, this mission does not stand on it's own, nor influence me to play the sequel. It offers some fun combat and an enjoyable capture the bridge sequence, but other than that it is a grind and finds me wishing this competent author would start with something simple. ***/Stars.
Description Mission location in green missing.
Mission Accept Box Excellent another Trans warp mission start location.
First Thoughts Hmm oh no, another diplomatic conference. Lol...
1st Door Would of like more info on the popup.
Maps:
1.K7 space This doesn't look like the one in the real world of STO.
2.Bird of prey upper deck, big interior for such little ships.
Objectives:
Go to K7 System. Just spent 10minutes running around the station after a Trans Warp.
K7 Interior. Really! just copy Starbase 82's map.
Vulcan space Map transition needs to be previous dialog.
Return to Turbo lift. Are you kidding me. Advance the plotline, never make the player go back.
Check logs - why can't I do this in the captains office.
Story:
1.Why would the Vulcan's not have detected the ships in orbit?
2.Ship interior feels a bit like go here do this then that. Added with the K7 interior this is getting to be very grindy.
Design:
Why not start your mission on the K7 interior social zone?
Beginning of your story should be. Go to k7 space beam Gorn aboard, brief him in your ready room. Maybe he bought an Orion slave while at K7 or Drozona preferably. Maybe if it were on Drozona you would have to find him.
Why not use Gorn ships?
Never have a battle after a map Transition.
Comment - A poor start to a Foundry series. This mission does not stand on it's own, otherwise it would of been 4 stars. |Gameplay 3|Trek 2|Design 2.5|Difficulty 2|Grind 3|[/QUOTE]
Thank you for the detailed review. I'll have to replay it with your critiques in mind and see what I might want to change. There are some things I can agree with now that you point them out, although I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say it would be 4 stars if it wasn't a series opener, yet it can't stand on it's own. Do you mean that I am attempting something too complicated for a first mission? In any case, thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to play my mission. I really am trying to make the Gorn more relevant with this story. They are kind of on the backburner and I think they could be more of a threat to the Federation. I offer these for your review:
Title: "Give Peace a Chance Part II"
ID: ST-HH6OORX52
Author: Futurecaptain
Allegience: Starfleet
Level: 41+
Location: Defera System from sector space.
Duration: 30-40mins
Description: Continue your journey to Defera and protect the ambassadors from any attempts to disrupt the proceedings. Once the ambassadors are secure discover all you can from Captain Sten.
Title: "Descent into Madness"
ID: ST-HBNQF27RD
Author: Futurecaptain
Allegience: Starfleet
Level: 41+
Location: Cestus System in Gamma Orionis.
Duration: 25-35 mins
Description: A military installation of Klingon design has been detected on the Borg occupied world of Cestus III. We have the U.S.S. Bounty in the system to conduct covert scans of the facility. You are ordered to the Cestus System in order to plan the next step based on the information the Bounty has obtained.
Respect is not what I ask for. Collaboration and creative encouragement as well as criticism is. This question has been hinted on in topics, but not really in-forced by the community, however it can cause Authors to receive 1 star ratings from the general community.
Generic STO Implements examples.
First door Text - [Enter Vulcan] authors may use this or [Mission:Title]. [Drop out of warp] is also accepted but very rarely encouraged.
Mission Accept Box - This is a mission Brief, which needs the mission location and any other valuable information in order to prepare you for the mission. Great way to introduce the Protagonist or antagonist. Some people use Incoming Communication, this also is not encouraged.
Description - This is where your promote your mission. Cryptic does the same with there missions. An encouragement towards the audience to play this mission and why. This also requires the mission start location.
Objectives - These are used in order to be most informative towards getting the player to there next objective. Objectives are not used to tell the story, only to help the player play the story.
Map Transition - Do not waste this box with a simple prepare beam out. These are the most valuable popup to be used to advance your story, however keep you [continue text] relative to what is happening.
As for design and dialogue within your mission, go for your life. I do encourage keeping objects within the con-finds of there proper environment. No one likes to see a Federation door on a Klingon Vessel.
These are just simple rules in order to keep the player happy. As they are what the player has come to expects and rely on during normal game content. I break the rules in my mission, but I create what I like to play and am happy with all criticism. Most authors however are not and I recommend these to those who want gratification from there reviews.
These rules have also been accepted by most of the foundry community and were developed by many of the Foundry Authors who spent countless hour testing the engine on Tribble.
Your mission is only a prelude to a Crisis. Most missions have there prelude within the first three map transitions at most. The story is only a beginning and without a middle and an ending the mission doesn't have a story. All Trek episodes have a Beginning middle and an ending. Actually all literature other than absurd artistic literature follows in this tradition. By not having a conclusion to your conflict within the climax of your mission, you leave the player with no accomplishment or gratification.
A cliff hanger never ends at the middle of the story, it always appears at the end. For example you save an Orion Slave girl and at the end of the story you find out she's an Undine. The bum bum effect.
This mission could be a really amazing and popular mission if you give a second perspective to the story and give it a plot-line within the seasons plot-line. Most stories have at least 3 main characters with different perspectives to the situation. I want to have an opinion towards the events, other than having my opinion forced by the dialogue, foundry limitations and linear Story.
Can't wait to play the rest of your missions, you are talented and once you start thinking outside the box, character, plot-line, and environment you will be unbeatable. I encourage you to play other foundry missions at all stages of development.
Well not everyone gets the prelude in just 3 maps but it is helpful. I took 4 which some people have an problem with. Understandable but unavoidable. It's your mission you can do what you want but you may regret it as the reveiws roll in. Everyone likes quicker missions but if you can't find a logical break point than you have to extend the mission and make it longer. It's a difficult task. Sorti Rising took me nearly 3 and a half weeks and 15 re-writes and it's stil not perfect. Lol.. ask Fillbones he'll tell you that:D
Agreed. My main mission has been in development for about 6 months and it's still not finished. Besides the fact that it takes at-least 1 hour to finish even without the last two maps or playing the extra content. I don't care what people think, But the mission would not make any sense If I didn't have people help me. Make something you like playing and if you play it more than it is reviewed you will begin to improve it and get better ratings. The thing that gets me most with foundry missions is that there never finished.
My First mission "Mysterious Grace" became "Can't Keep A New Suit Clean"
"Can't Keep A New Suite Clean" Became a three part series adding the titles "All Warriors Are Cold Warriors" and "Shall We Not Revenge" - Currently on Tribble.
And Finally I have combined them all in "The Chimes At Midnight" On Holodeck. With two spin-off's "The Fun-house" and "The Return"
And yet I have nothing published, but they will be by the end of the month as I'm now working on a foundry magazine.
Definitely some food for thought. Once I hear your opinion of the other two missions, I'll be more in a position to think about reworking them. Overall, the first and second missions are holding at 4+ out of 5 each, though they are not nearly perfect. The first part that you played was originally part 2 of my initial concept. I reworked it to be part 1 and it would seem I didn't flesh out enough of what is happening to make it a good part 1. The original part one was quite horrible.
Thanks!
May I enquire as to the mission you have submitted?
Taking a break But all current reviews will be finished by the end of the weekend.
If you'd like to Review the Reviewer. Head on over to my mission thread. Or feel free to post a reply here about "The Chimes At Midnight" By Filbones.
I'll miss you all and especially the StarbaseUGC community and all my Foundry co-authors.
I pray that Cryptic gets it's act together and can make me want to play there wonderful titles again in the not to distant future.
Filbones Reviews
Filbones Critical Analysis