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Trading reviews for the rest of the night!
gilidus
Member Posts: 34
Hello all! As the title says, I'm looking to trade reviews for the rest of the night. I published my first foundry two days ago and I'm looking to qualify for daily foundry rewards.
My foundry is titled Labyrinth of the Pso'nul'ja (shortcode NW-DAIIR7LMF) and currently has an average playtime of 31 minutes. It is a puzzle based foundry with a full story. The combat is of moderate difficulty but the final boss is rather challenging.
My foundry is titled Labyrinth of the Pso'nul'ja (shortcode NW-DAIIR7LMF) and currently has an average playtime of 31 minutes. It is a puzzle based foundry with a full story. The combat is of moderate difficulty but the final boss is rather challenging.
Labyrinth of the Pso'nul'ja - NW-DAIIR7LMF
Post edited by gilidus on
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Comments
I'll be reviewing your quests shortly.
You cannot trigger portals while jumping, there is an activation time.
I played the first foundry you listed (NW-DOUATK94P)
My opinions on Banreth Curiosities (Chapter 1):
-In the curiosity shop, the portraits on the backs of the bookshelves was a nice touch. However, they are not centered.
-I noticed that there was no music in the entire foundry. I know that there is a music bug. One good workaround is to set a room ambiance to a looping music track. Do not do this for multiple rooms per map or they will all play at once. This way you can have one song per zone.
-Loading the beach area, only to have to load the next area 10 seconds later was a bit of an annoyance. You could expand on the beach area by making the character start in the woods off the beach and have to fight a few enemies on the way to the npc at the beach.
-"...so if you weren't spending that time below- deck you'll see the ship that caught...". There are two problems here. "Below- deck" should just be "below deck". You also change from past tense to present tense within the sentence. It should be "...so if you weren't spending that time below deck, you'd have seen the ship that caught..."
-The westernmost crystal in the skeleton beach area is half in a wall and is somewhat hard to click.
-The skeleton beach area with the crystals felt grindy.
-I liked the small, cramped cave system.
-In the cave, there is a water area. I liked it at first but soon realized I was walking on water for no apparent reason.
-You didn't change the enemy titles. For instance a mob might be called a "Mage" but have "Werewolf" above the name.
-When you light the floating circle, the water that shoots out of it toward the doorway clips into the rocks (the rocks near the floating circle).
-"Wait for the Hellish Wolf to leave" should be more clear. You actually have to click on the ship's helm.
Overall, I enjoyed this foundry, but there were some issues that require fixing.
I'll look at the encounter titles again, that was correctly set during beta.
Water has a built in walkmesh four feet deep. Nothing can be done about it because it's Cryptic, just like the walking on water lillies in your quest.
The water clipping a rock is unfixable as that rock is part of the room, not something I placed. Other rocks actually disappear when you set the fire.
Mine's located here. The shortcode is NWS-DA6ZOP3V3.
My opinions on The Marsh of Chelimber:
-The mysterious traveler calls them "lizarmen". At first I thought that this was intentional, but throughout the rest of the foundry they are called "lizardmen" (the drow for instance calls them "lizardmen")
-"As the only creature in the encampment who is not a lizardman, this must be who you need to see" should be OOC. "Show her the annotated job board posting" should be the response that you give.
-I'm not 100% on this but I think that the contact already said that the chief doesn't know that she put the foulspawn in the swamp. You are then later given a response where you ask the contact if the chief knows that she put the foulspawn in the swamp.
-I liked the swamp and camp design.
-Because you are warned about the mushrooms being guarded by spiders, I found it odd to only find only 1-2 spiders. The wild boars near the mushrooms were a bigger problem than the spiders. I'd recommend putting in more spiders, taking out the boars, and adding some spider webs on the trees and such.
-I liked the "??????" part that you cannot understand. Could be improved by throwing several more understandable words into it, or even better you could make up a whole language that the character doesn't understand (just make up random sounding words).
-All of the "Entombed One" enemies get stuck in the sarcophagi. This made them unable to fight me back (I was on CW). Perhaps spawn them to the side of the sarcophagi to prevent this.
-It looks like I should be able to light the final brazier but couldn't because of the ladder (not a big deal).
-The guardian needs a space between "understandable" and "Um"
-The invisible wall that you placed around the burning camp at the end could break this foundry for some people. The campfire appeared to be behind the invisible wall. Were someone to die, they would spawn behind the wall and be unable to finish the foundry. You should move the campfire a bit on both the original map and the final map (so their location matches on both after the change).
Good job on this one. I liked it more than your first one, and I subscribed. I may play it again in the future after some changes are made.
Absolutely incredible foundry! Wow, 5 stars no doubt. Your writing was great, kept me hooked the whole time.
I only found a few minor issues:
-The tower door says "You try the door, but it doesn't budge", this should be OOC
-Your metaphor "Standing near the beam of energy makes icy claws tap on your vertebrae." sounds too literal in my opinion. I personally would have written it as a simile such as "As you stand near the beam of energy, a chill runs down your spine, like icy claws tapping on your vertebrae." If you are dead-set on a metaphor, I feel that "You feel the chill of icy claws tapping on your vertebrae as you stand near the beam of energy." would be stronger.
-In the main room with the large ramp, there appears to be a glitch occurring. Underneath the one of the hanging braziers, there is a floating chain. This may be a Cryptic issue.
-The final quest states "leave the Eremite Vaults". The first letter of "Leave" should be capitalized.
Like I said before, I loved this foundry, you have a new subscriber.
The disembodied chain is, in fact, Cryptic's fault.
Thanks for catching that OOC and grammar stuff; I agree with you on all points, and I'll change them to fit.
I just ran yours, and holy moly, was it fantastic. The puzzles were challenging but didn't stonewall me at any point. Your maps are absolutely incredible and a pleasure to travel through at all times. The only issues I could possibly find are with your encounter placement. Several of the "trash" groups of skeletons are set up in their default alignments, which makes them feel repetitive after a while. Getting a bit more creative with their positioning would definitely help with that.
Overall, it was awesome. I'm looking forward to your future content as well.
I just played your quest. Holy mackerel, excellent environments! Not that heavy on story, but as the focus seemed to be more on the puzzle and exploration, it didn't really need to be.
I loved all the bits of lore/clues scattered across the areas.
Normally I'd have more to comment on, but this quest hit all the right notes for me. I guess an extremely minor gripe would be that a little more variety in encounter positioning would be nice. A lot of encounters of skeletons standing is a straight line across, in the default stance. It really didn't ruin anything, but it was noticeable.
Gave it a 5/5 and subscribed. I think there's only maybe two or three others quests that I ever gave 5 stars on. Look forward to more.
The shaman actually has dialog in another language, the Dialog editor shows it, but the game doesn't and just shows ????. Looks like the game engine can't handle Cyrillic. It still gets the point across though.
I say this because the puzzles didn't look neither granted nor impossible to solve. Some are more immediate than others. All this helps to not be annoying but to keep the player glued to the screen.
The encounters, (not the focal point of this quest for sure), are also fun and well-balanced.
A great job. I hope to see others at the same level
My quest is in sign. I would be really happy to get an opinion about it from you
Campaign - In The Streams of Inferno
Act I : The Fear That Freeze - nw-dnuzsyeey
Act II : Demons Never Sleep - nw-dbj2us96n
Delthanin I played you foundry (NW-DTET2QLF4) today. I actually had to run it twice because the review window didn't show up the first time. This let me see more of the conversation branches than one play through would allow.
My opinions on The Black Hand in Blacklake:
-I really liked the amount of NPC interaction, branching conversation, and lore.
-Your exit door when you zone into the inn is on the player's immediate left. There is no confirmation for exiting. This wouldn't be so bad, but you have an actual door to the right. Were someone to just be opening doors, they could accidentally exit. At first I thought that placing the exit behind the player spawn would be a good idea, but soon realized that you do have a door there already and it's used for getting to the next area. I'd recommend placing an invisible wall in front of the exit door. Give it a conversation piece asking the player if they want to access the exit. Have the invisible wall disappear when the player says "yes".
-I liked the look of the Nasher cave.
-Combat felt too easy.
-I liked the sleeping Nasher conversation in particular.
-I talked to every NPC on the first playthrough. I used different conversation options on each of my two playthroughs for npcs that had multiple options. I found no problems with the writing, good job.
Overall, it's a good introduction to your series. It didn't wow me in itself, but I am looking forward to further installments where you will hopefully ramp things up. I subscribed.
That's an extremely good idea with the exit door. It didn't even occur to me that it might be a problem until I saw a stream of someone running my quest earlier today, and watching how they were looking from door to door.
I've been hearing from several that the combat is not difficult enough.
I'll try to address those tomorrow morning after work. Again, really appreciate the feedback!
My opinions on The Fear That Freeze:
I will start with language corrections.
-I'm not sure if the title of the foundry is on-purpose. You may wish to change it to "The Fear That Freezes".
-In the quest decription, you state "We remind also that this document has an official status and that we offer a generous reward for those who will help us.". This should be "We also remind you that this document has an official status and that we offer a generous reward for those who will help us.".
-Weary Neverwinter Soldier has an OOC that says "The man turns and points the finger at the main street.". This should be "The man turns and points his finger at the main street.".
-Weary Neverwinter Soldier says "He keeps saying it has all the fault on his own. But it's better if you go to talk with him. Go in that house over there. The captain is in." There are several issues here, I'd recommend changing it to "He keeps saying that it's his own fault. It's better if you go talk with him, he's in that house over there.".
-The dead orc that you find has an OOC that states "The orc was killed recently. The blood on the floor is still liquid and fresh.". I'd recommend changing this to "The orc was killed recently. The blood on the floor has yet to coagulate.".
-"Listen what Captain Tybelock has to say" is a quest objective. This should be "Listen to what Captain Tybelock has to say".
-It later says to "Listen what Captain Tybelock and his men have to say". This should be "Listen to what Captain Tybelock and his men have to say".
-"On the other hand we have found this..." needs a comma. It should be changed to "On the other hand, we have found this...".
-"This is good news. He told me he wanted to visit the forest, but I didn't think the desire was so great for lead him to escape.". This should be "This is good news. He told me he wanted to visit the forest, but I didn't think the desire was so great that he'd try to escape." I wasn't 100% on what you were attempting to say, so I made a guess.
-When talking to Captain Tybelock after the orc assault, the second answer option is "Is this Important? I am the one who will safe your son." The "I" in "important" should be lower-case, "safe" should be "save".
-Bauglir Tiredbeard says "The market hall is silent. You can see a marching band of orcs far in the distance.". This should be "The market hall is silent. You can see a band of marching orcs far in the distance.". I found this error pretty funny because I imagined orcs playing instruments in a marching band.
-The player's response to Bauglir Tiredbeard is "I faced worse dangers than a couple of undead woodcutters." This should be "I've faced worse dangers than a couple of undead woodcutters.".
-Bauglir Tiredbeard then says "There was much more than a couple of undead woodcutters in Smellywood.". This should likely be changed to "There are much more than a couple of undead woodcutters in Smellywood.".
-A Second Diary's Page should be called "A Second Diary Page". The way you have it written means that it is a note from a different diary than the first diary page. The way I fixed it means that it is a different page from the same diary. (The third diary probably repeats this error).
-The Second Diary Page says "She tells me of this time she went into the forest with her father." The diary has been in past-tense so far, and there is no real reason for the writer to change tense at this point. This should be "She told me of this time...".
-When you first meet Tybald, he says "Our village doesn't want you, tiny crust!" I really don't understand this insult. Perhaps something like "Our village doesnt want you, small timer!".
-Tybald says "Hahaha, you can't do nothing against the wrath." This should be "Hahaha, you can't do anything against the wrath.".
CONTINUED IN NEXT POST
-When you enter the dungeon and try to use the locked door it says "Argh! It's Lock". This should be "Argh! It's Locked".
-The quest says "Find a way to go deeply in the dungeon". This should be "Find a way to go deeper into the dungeon".
-The cross that has the lore about the three demons, when talking about Gorthor it says "...only to satisfy his bestial instincts...". "bestial" should be spelled "beastial".
-The same cross with the lore says "...and immortality so the could always..." should be "...and immortality so they could always...".
-The same cross with the lore says "...are locked up in the basement..." should be "...have been locked up in the basement...".
-The Note of the DM says "...could be more difficult then previous." "then" should be "than".
-Herzog the Unforgivable says "You are so pure that you make me want to puke my guts out from the throat." "From the throat" is redundant and should be removed.
-Herzog the Unforgivable says "Vexed and vomit exed." I didn't understand this, and I don't know what you were going for, so I can't offer a suggestion.
-The final note says "The real fear has already to come". This should be changed to "The real fear has yet to come".
Now, for everything else:
-The scene where you meet Tybald in the burning house is absolutely epic, great job
-After meeting Tybald in the burning house, the waves of mobs are incredibly difficult because the player is in a confined space with reduced visibility from all the fire. No downtime is given between waves (I understand that you can't add a delay) so the player is pretty much guaranteed to die here (possibly repeatedly) without the zen store healing stone.
-I found the first group of mobs after the DM note (about high difficulty and wanting feedback) to be incredibly tough. I died very fast
-The difficulty of the whole place reminded me of Dark Souls. I really liked the high difficulty except in the instances that I mentioned where it felt unfair due to near instant deaths.
-Your design is excellent, loved the style of the dungeon, very dark/evil.
Fix it up and it'll absolutely be a 5 star. This dungeon has so much potential. I subscribed.
Just started up your Labyrinth, but fair warning, I had the 'review' window disappear on me for the quest I just ran. I'm going to replay that one tonight and try again - and if the same happens with 'Labyrinth' I promise to do the same. Either way, I'll get you a review.
In the meantime, if you'd like to check out my own quest, it is Bonderleaf's Thorough Aggregator (NW-DBFUDMT8L).
UPDATE: Just finished and left a review - great job! I'll do a more detailed write-up here later tonight.
Act 1: The Abandoned Mine? @vold316
NW-DHD2OVVYC
Thanks, i hope you like it.
"The harder the game, the better."
My opinions on Bonderleaf's Thorough Aggregator:
-Guard Frinko says "But hells, if you're worried there's nothing stopping you from heading out to Thundertree to take a look for yourself." There needs to be a comma after "if you're worried".
-In the first area, you stacked a bunch of spike traps on top of each other, this permaroots the player and can force people to exit your foundry. Never stack traps.
-Survivor says "Heard them come crashing through the wood, he did, and he swears they were spitting and cursing in giant as they came." "Giant" should be capitalized, you are referring to a language.
-The first area seems too calm, since you have things appear with lightning bolts, I'd recommend adding a thunderstorm. This would also add sound and make the area appear less "dead". You could also add thunder ambiance to the tower areas, and that would show up, maintaining consistency of a storm outside.
-I had to restart your quest because of this one: The door to the tower had two options when you hovered your crosshair over it. You could either enter the tower or interact with the door. By choosing interact, both options disappear and the player no longer has an option to enter the tower.
-After the polymorphed villagers are killed, some orbs spawn on the ground in a semi-circle. They are not positioned correctly. Either fix them or remove them, I didn't really see the point in them spawning.
-Small Cat says "Not that it did me much good once these brutes got a hold of my Rod of Stonewalking." You should change it to "those brutes".
-The first magma monster I encountered was stuck in the ice surrounding the doorway. The second one couldn't move either. Your models are likely too big for the room. I'd recommend changing them to something smaller.
-The ice chipper is kind of hard to see with the effect around it. I ran around everywhere looking for what to do. I eventually found it, but perhaps remove the opaque gas effect.
CONTINUED IN NEXT POST
-Abacada Bonderleaf (cat form) says "As best a bullete impression as a can make, I suppose." I don't understand this reference. I'm also not 100% sure I remember this but my notes say you used "a", which should be "I", I may have just recorded this wrong.
-A construct is sticking out halfway through the wall in the hallway where the large troll patrols. The construct move in and out of the wall, it's likely his idle animation causing this.
-I liked the "Poorly Disguised Troll", nice encounter. Sideshow dagult was also a pretty funny find.
-Trollop in the library is supposed to be well-spoken but she says "My mutagenesis is recent development." It should be "...a recent development.".
-Trollop in the library says The nature of its enchantment demands and annoying degree..." There are two problems with this, "its" should be "it's", and "and" should be "an".
-The library disappearing was very cool, loved it.
Ok, this needs it's own section because it's difficult to explain and it made the dungeon take much longer than it was intended to. The problem starts at the part where the cat is near a portal and a locked door. I didn't realize they were separate objects because the portal is just sparkles. The interact range on the sparkles overlays the cat. I thought that the cat was just supposed to teleport you when you try to talk to it. This means I missed his interaction. I went on to do the imp part successfully. Then I found Trollop in the "hidden" library room, she couldn't talk because I apparantly hadn't spoken to the cat. I didn't know this at the time. I searched the entire foundry thinking I missed something before I realized that at a certain angle, I could speak with the cat. This then let me progress. The other problem was, by missing the cat, I saw things occur in the wrong order. I don't know when I was supposed to see Trollop drinking the potion in the first room of the tower. I know I wasn't supposed to find her in the hidden library before speaking to the cat. This problem made the dungeon very aggrivating until I found out what the problem was. Make talking to the cat a quest requirement and fix his position. Going on without speaking to him messes things up because his conversation is a trigger for Trollop's conversation.
Your design was great, and the story was fun. You really need to fix some things though, because it's borderline unplayable for various reasons. I didn't want to trash your score (seeing as I was the first person to rate it), so I gave you four stars. In it's current state it's really a 2 star due to huge problems. If you fix it, it's certainly a 4-5 star quest. I look forward to playing it again in the future after changes are made. I subscribed.
My opinions on Act 1: The Abandoned Mine?:
(Note: to save time, if I don't mention the NPC name, it refers to the same NPC as the previous point)
-Speculator Zigto says "You are coming for the job, are'nt you?" instead of "aren't".
-Player response is "Uhu", which would sound better as "Uh huh" or just "Yes"
-"Speculator Zigto, indicates a spot on a map at the east of neverwinter." This sentence should be changed to "Speculator Zigto pulls out a map and indicates a spot to the East of Neverwinter.". Multiple changes were required for this sentence.
-Tommy says "Although you will have to wait, this place is not safe, follow me and then I will tell you anything you want." This needs to be split up into multiple sentences. I recommend changing it to "Although you will have to wait; this place is not safe. Follow me and then I will tell you anything you want."
-After escorting Tommy, he says "What i want to tell you...". "I" needs to be capitalized.
-The player's response is "..i may be able to help...". "I" needs to be capitalized.
-After defeating the first set of pirates, Tommy says "Well, i guess that i owe you an explanation." Both "I"s need to be capitalized.
-A quest part says to "Enter to the lower mines" when it should be "Enter the lower mines"
-After entering the lower mine, Tommy says "...each one composed by a series of tunnels". Change it to "...each one composed of a series of tunnels.
-He then says "That tunnel, leads to..." You dont need a comma here, just change it to "That tunnel leads to..."
-He says "butbe" instaed of "but be".
-He says "So, i suggest...". You need to capitalize "I".
-Rock slide says "...this is was stopping the Pinkeye Pirates." It should be "...this is what was stopping...".
-After the spider section, Tommy says "That does'nt..." when it should be "That doesn't..."
-He also says "...i have a bad feeling..." The "I" needs to be capitalized.
-He says "luckly" instead of "luckily".
-Quest Author says "Before that you review my quest..." when it should just be "Before you review my quest..."
-I don't understand why the orcs attacked the player after he takes the key part. The orcs had just told him that he could take the key. If the orcs were going to be aggressive, they should have attacked when the player says that he will attack them.
There were some sections of the quest that I really liked, while others felt a bit bland. For example, the explosion at the end was well done. I also enjoyed the section near the orcs where you get trapped and have to use the hammer to escape. The goblin and orc sides both felt exactly the same though, as if I were repeating the same side over. Try to decorate more and personalize each side to be about the race that inhabits it.
While it wasn't the best foundry I've played, it kept my attention and never made me want to quit. The premise isn't bad, the environments just feel a bit stale.
About the agressive orcs, when they turn aggressive, their leader says: Just kidding, gem him boys (or something like that). But, I will think on how to make it more clear.
"The harder the game, the better."
Loved the puzzle aspect and the ability to go where ever you felt you needed to go... no line dictating your life lol....
The End boss was a we bit tough as a GF Tank I typically never die inside of a quest... I did die in yours and I think I would 99% of the time that is just a flat brutal encounter...
But overall just freaking awesome 5 Stars....
Foundry Map: From Scratch "Sulfur's Resting Place"
Type: Quest, Story, Open World 1 player
Current State: Version 1.0 Try it with code below.
Short Code: NW-DHN3BHYOT
Edit.
Comments on playthrough
* In the library with all the mist ect there is an intractable called "Bookstack 14". I think this is the default name.
* Another bookstack 14, similar.
* Another bookstack after 2nd red portal. The one in the middle of the cave X junction with all the mushrooms.
* In room south of of 2nd red portal (same as described above) some of the mushrooms are over the edge of the path such that some of them are floating
General
That dungeon was very well designed with a lot of nice detail. The maze aspect was good but I felt like every path but the correct one just led back to the beginning. It means you have to walk that one path over and over (admittedly I was trying every path so I could see as much as I could for the purposes of review). But maybe have some of them dump you in another part of the maze rather than at the beginning to mix things up?
Anyways. Really good. Five stars.
NW-DIRYOWUKYNW-DPXB42EEH
The Linkwell CryptThe Linkwell Vault
@lostcharta
solo campaign, balanced
review thread
Thanks for the notes -that is exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for. I already applied fixes to many of the issues you presented. I was sad to discover that all of the sounds I spent so much time fussing over didn't make it into the end experience because of a known issue, but that's what I get for not paying attention to the forums. The only point I'd counter is the semi-circle of energy balls - those are left over from lightning strikes that erase a wall and allow progression. But since I am going to revisit that map entirely in the near future and give it a major overhaul (it was made in my first day touching the Foundry), I'll look into fixing that as well.
On to Labyrinth of the Pso'nul'ja. Wow! Your maps are beautiful, your puzzles are great (after getting sent back to the beginning a few times, I caught on to what I should be looking for. Basically a wake-up call for how much I should have actually been paying attention to my surroundings) I found nothing in particular that needs changing, but since I hate getting feedback that doesn't contribute, I try to make sure I'm not giving that same kind of feedback to others.
- On the times I took wrong turns and found myself back in the beginning, I think the NPC dialogue could do a better job reflecting what happened. Instead of just asking if I'd found Beldax yet, maybe the Paladin could be puzzled by where I came from, or dismayed to find my efforts in the labyrinth as fruitless as his own.
- You could further add a sense of accomplishment by possibly showing the failures of the Paladin's men. A few dead ones in the labyrinth, a frustrated one in the 'wrong turn' room... ways to show that the players is succeeding when competent knights failed, as opposed to succeeding when lazy knights didn't want to try too hard, even with the fate of a friend on the line.
- Speaking of their friend, maybe this is something I missed, but I didn't see the importance of finding Beldax (beyond valuing human life.) Who is this guy? Why is he worth risking even more lives for? The answers to these questions can add a sense of urgency to seeing this through.
If these sound like nitpicks, it is because they are. You've obviously put a lot of effort into making this a well-polished experience, so it definitely raises the bar for anything that could be considered an improvement. Subscribed, and I'll be on the lookout for more of your work. Good show!
My opinions on The Linkwell Crypt:
Aaron Linkwell says "As you have probably noticed my current...". This needs a comma after "noticed".
"When the mountain erupted my grandfather fled." Needs comma after "erupted".
"...returned to Neverwinter retrieving our..." Needs comma after "Neverwinter".
-"In any case before he died..." Needs comma after "case".
-"...knows where but I believe..." Needs comma after "where".
-The scroll that the debt collector drops is called "Scroll 01".
-I liked the room with the fog and the red glowing statues.
-Story is interesting.
-The mechanics work without issue.
-Environments need decorating and personalization.
As I said, your mechanics work, and the story is interesting. I liked the twist toward the end, I thought that the dungeon was over when I got back to Linkwell. The environments definitely need sprucing up though, many appear to just be default rooms.
I republished it a few times yesterday around the time you may have been looking for it.... But yes the code is right...
Foundry Map: From Scratch "Sulfur's Resting Place"
Type: Quest, Story, Open World 1 player
Current State: Version 1.0 Try it with code below.
Short Code: NW-DHN3BHYOT
It's still not showing up. I've searched the code, the name, and your @ handle. I'm guessing that you have less than 5 reviews. I ran into the same problem with others not being able to find mine when it was under 5