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My new foundry quest!
celticgamer0
Member Posts: 537 Arc User
Name: Fables
Code: NW-DPM5SNOZW
Details: Tired of the daily grind? Ever wish you could just escape into a good book? Now's your chance! All you have to do is believe... and visit the old hermit in the woods outside the city.
Code: NW-DPM5SNOZW
Details: Tired of the daily grind? Ever wish you could just escape into a good book? Now's your chance! All you have to do is believe... and visit the old hermit in the woods outside the city.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
First and foremost, I can see great improvement made in this one compared to the last one, and your confidence in map-designing is definitely much higher in this one than the previous, since you have now made your own maps from scratch compared to editing prefab maps in the last one. The story is good and also pretty interesting. So, well done=)
I didn't find any major issues with this one, though there is one issue which would have been pretty major if the story environment was different.
Minor Issues
Design-based
1. You may want to flesh out the environment beyond the invisible walls.
http://cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103138706/30F5477A3B4694FB1981A162A12FD9F7D41863FE/
http://cloud-4.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103141582/E2AA1D5113CD1A4FE8A1E0806EEC08EA13F51CC9/
http://cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103144806/C108BF7F14A63FD43A3EFB20D3CE323BE16207FC/
Now, because your story presents it in such a way where the player could very well be in a fable or magically constructed environment, it still seem somewhat logical to have invisible walls constricting the player within a box-like area with nothing beyond.
However, if this is not intended, you might want to put details in the area beyond the invisible wall because it doesn't make sense for there to be a forest "box" in the middle of a large plain.
Alternatively, you may move the invisible walls inwards.
To highlight the importance of this, below are 2 images from something I'm working on.
In this image, the player is running against an invisible wall and it seems as though there is still more beyond it because I fleshed out the area beyond the invisible wall.
Now, if we fly up (players can't do this) and see what is really going on, you will see that I only fleshed out a small area more. Yet, this is sufficient to create the effect that the map is much bigger than it is.
2. The pigs didn't follow the player as the text suggested.
http://cloud-3.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103143959/738C488F270DC3752D4993907462614C339D4C3E/
The pigs didn't follow me even though they said they would.
You may have missed out setting their behaviour for this part.
If it is intended then it is perfectly fine.
3. You may want to flesh out the Grandma's house.
http://cloud-3.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103145659/77B797DB8E33A1CE4FD33B6F4659B7D7CE86A54C/
Add some cabinets, cupboards, chest, vase etc.
Text-based
http://cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103140512/AA50FDD5BD3424B1032BCBBB9A8BE73176A4358E/
"relive a few" - I think it should be "relive".
http://cloud-4.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103142418/8C8ED6F298A4825BF7669B6A2D5F876E647F100B/
"despite"
"has been destroyed" - "is" changed to "has been", "distroyed" changed to "destroyed"
"In fact"
http://cloud-3.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103143219/3CC5891C454D44DDBEF1DCC6B94D1DB2EC9F2D4B/
"wooden house" - I'm not too certain of this one. "wood house" feels weird to me but could be fine too.
"wolves will try" - "to" changed to "will"
"destroyed"
http://cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/3334098879103146588/514832DAAEEFB7E8D06A7389F792B304F136558B/
"the adventure is its own reward"
That's all I have for you.
This quest is definitely a great improvement from the first one.
Well done=)
Yeah, it's down. The community manager said on the Zone chat that they are fixing some things so they took it down for the time being.