Little Girl Lost - NW-DUU518ZG7 - reviews/feedback appreciated

greyskye

Name: Little Girl Lost
ID: NW-DUU518ZG7
Play-time: 25 mins

Hi all It's taken me a few days to pluck up courage to post this quest, it's my very first one so I'm sure it's very rudimentary and could do with some work. I would very much appreciate some reviews and feedback if I've made any glaring errors, or if there's a better way to do something I tried.

It's very Drow lore-heavy, so there is a lot of reading - I know not everyone likes that so I thought I would make sure to mention it! It's not a quest to subject yourself too if you don't like that sort of thing.

I look forward to any feedback you have. Thank you in advance!

melinden

I played this with my level 60 DC. The story for this quest was excellent and the detailed Forgotten Realms lore was very good. It happens to be reminiscent of my first foundry quest, so I was also partial to it for that reason.

Excellent work and I hope you continue to make foundries! As you get more experience you will likely not want to use preset maps but getting map building, story, and encounters to all work together to make a great foundry take some time. For your first foundry I think it worked just fine to use preset maps.

Below are my play through notes with some minor edits and suggestions.


Play through notes:
-the text is well written and well edited
-in the interactable pile after the spiders it says "childs demise", in this case you'll want "child's demise" since the demise would belong to her.
-good use of patrolling and wandering with your encounters
-One of the "Summon Slave" was "Summoned Slaves"; working in those tiny text boxes is always a pain
-I liked the extra lore Contacts on the map. You might consider adding extra information according to Nature/Religion/Arcane, etc for a few of them. The book on the altar seems a great place for an extra dialogue for someone with religion skill.
-nice use of sound effects, especially the one near the map transition from the sewer.
-among the praying children one says in her chat text "I pray my soul she does eat", I think you want a -not- in there?
-there is an NPC dressed as a priestess in the line of NPCs (she's in a corner tucked away) who is labeled "Drow Male"

I would appreciate it very much if you could play Rescue in the Silver Marches in return.

greyskye

Wow melinden, that was AMAZING feedback! Thank you so much. Really. I am very happy the lore hit right for you and the story worked, that means almost more to me than that you liked the rest as well.

I went through your checklist and fixed the typo's and couple of little tweaks you pointed out - the one thing I didn't change was the line from the children's verse, it's not missing the "not". It's basically supposed to be a bit unsettling for you reading it to see they want their soul eaten by The Lady, and yours as well. However, the rhythm of that little parody prayer isn't 100% correct yet I think, I'll mull it over.

My play through of Rescue;

*First dialogue with the director of security he is just standing there. Missing a talk emote?
*First dialogue with the director of security, last section - "You better hurry. They aren't very good AT dealing with the harsh world out there." - missing the "at"

I appreciate the little Terry Pratchett-ish touches.

*Rahna Goodwin's plaque, I think you're missing a carriage return after the yellow descriptor, the white text is right under it instead of a space below like the Totem plaque.

I really enjoyed running around looking at things in the Academy, I feel like you could even add more. Especially upstairs, some letters students were writing home about how horrible the food is or how the class idiot accidentally turned themselves into a rust monster or something along those lines. I don't think you can do too many of those little silly things, makes the place feel lived in.

Nice subtle Drizzt reference.

I think I love you, you referenced Three Dragon Ante.

*Check the placement of the invisible object you're using for the exit to House Invincible, it's hovering about two foot in front of the door.



I liked the choice between combat or less combat.

That's all I got. I had fun playing it and spent a while looking at the things you'd done, definitely gave me some ideas for future! I will be tackling custom maps in my next foundry I think.

Thank you again.

melinden

Thanks for the comments, I completely missed the "at" and I check these things a million times. Usually my husband catches them too.

The Director does have a chat bubble, it must not have popped when you came in. I'll check and make sure it is still here. He should wave when you come in too.

The students are normally there in my other quests saying and doing dumb stuff, but a letter is a great idea for a way to add some of that even though they gone, thanks!

Oh teleporters: the clicky floating in the air is a teleporter. It moves you instantly on the same map so there is no loading screen. You will learn to hate those as all Foundry authors do. Unfortunately they are almost required for some quests. They are broken, Cryptic knows they are broken, all we can do it make them function even when they don't look pretty.

Thanks!

greyskye

No worries melinden, I know Foundry has some... quirks, which I'm already learning to know and love lol but it's still a pretty amazing tool, and in some ways I think some of the broken things force you to be pretty inventive in working around the problems.

I was actually reading some of the stuff in the Academy out to hubby while I was playing through and he was laughing as well, so it's on the nose with the humor. I will play through your others as well, just for fun Thank you again.

greyskye

I would still really appreciate some feedback. Anyone? Anyone... Bueller?