The Forgotten Valley - NW-DE6IWX529

tagaris

tl;dr: This is an adventure involving riddles and combat. I'd really like feedback.

I finally found the time to show some love to my first foundry, that I've put a lot of effort into, and translated it into English. Now I'd love to get some feedback on it from more experienced foundry creators and of course from players. If the description below sounds interesting to you, please give it a try!

I'm also very eager to have the most obvious odd wordings (or spelling mistakes which I may have overseen) pointed out, that are probably to be expected by non-native speakers.


Short code: NW-DE6IWX529

Duration: 10-15 minutes if you rush like mad man. 30-40 minutes if you read everything and explore.

Picture of a marvelous beard:


Description:
The dwarf Orsik Stoneheart could hardly believe his eyes when he finally noticed light after straying through the cave for hours. After some more steps he suddenly smelt fresh air and finally layed his eyes upon an opening. You are part of his expedition and follow right behind him.

The unexpected cave exit presents you a sealed off and seemingly forgotten valley, which is riddled with forfeited structures that have mostly been reconquered by nature. It seems strange to you that such an once mighty location could have simply been left behind and went forgotten, therefor you venture on together with Orsik to educe the secret from this place.

The emphasis of this foundry quest is mostly on interesting riddles, a lovely handmade map and a thrilling story. Of course, there also are some battles (with adjustable difficulty).

orangefiree

1.) The initial objective upon accepting the quest is in German. (I assume it's German.)

2.) It might be nice to label the difficulty slider. I just chose the option that seemed more in character for my Half Orc GWF and ended up with extra enemies.

3.) The Guardian statue thing: "COU CANNOT ESCAPE" did you mean "YOU CANNOT ESCAPE"?

4.) The final line of the second Guardian conversation is in German. (?)

5.) When entering the cave, the objective says "Go to Next Map" and the interaction is in German.

6.) Osrik's in combat line in the cave is in German.

7.) The mother is labeled as a wight.

8.) The undead enemies could use some customization.

9.) When I start fighting Horgardt, he yells something in German.

10.) Horgardt is labeled as an ogre.

11.) When leaving the cave system, the interaction says "Go to Next Map" and the objective is in German.

12.) During the fight with Osrik, the enemies are labeled as Duergar Thralls.

13.) When leaving the valley, the objective and transition are both in German.

tagaris

Thanks for the feedback!

I fixed everything you mentioned apart from point 8. I agree with you though, and this is on my to-do list now.

melinden

I played through with my level 60 DC. College German was a long time ago now but I did specifically look for any translation oddities. I apologize in advance that English is weird and has no rules it actually follows.

I thought this quest was very well designed and has great maps.


Play through notes:

-"Web" is the English translation instead of a spider "net". Not that it makes any sense.
-at the skeleton on the first map there should be an A before "cold shiver" so it is "a cold shiver"
-when talking to Osrik about the barrier at the stairs he says he feels magic in his tiptoes. That's usually a verb in English, "to tiptoe around the sleeping bear". For this line "I feel this in the tips of my toes" would work better.
-when reaching into the spider's cocoon and finding metal, in the response options the word metal always has an extra L on it, so "metall"
-in the dialogue option to try and figure out what the metal piece is "barrier" is typoed so it appears as "marrier"
-when putting the runestone down "playing" should be "placing"
-I really liked the translated riddles. I've seen most of the common English ones half a dozen times, so they were new.
-after the map transition when Osrik says "At least this is done for." That is an awkward phrase in English. "Done for" implies someone is about to be killed. So maybe instead you could use. "At least that part is done!"
-after the Brood Mother Osrik's follow dialogue is still in German
-Horgardt's chat is still in German. In his dialogue he says "advendurers" instead of "adventurers". Also one of the Ms in "comming to dinner" should be removed so it is "coming"
-"Hundreths" should be "Hundreds"
-In the Objective "Persue Holdardt" is should be "Pursue"
-when looking at the last body "scull" should be "skull" and "seperated" should be "separated"

I would appreciate it if you could play Rescue in the Silver Marches in return, thanks!

tagaris

Thank you very much!

I corrected everything but the "marrier" typo, which I couldn't find.

I also customized some of the undeads at the dead ends of the labyrinth if a player doesn't follow the lights, as orangefiree suggested.

Now it's time to go on a rescue mission I guess. :-)