A-1 The Apprentice

shandizar
shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
edited February 2014 in Foundry Quest Database
Greetings all

This little gem was began halted restarted rewrote and then after 3 weeks of planning Chapter one is finished. I believe its my best yet and i hope all of you think so as well. It's ready for Review.
Still working on construction for the next 3-4 chapters of this "Armor Odyssey".

A1-The Apprentice NW-DIPQV5FVT update! as of 2-14-14 this short code is no longer valid and has been replaced by NW-DPQO8844Y
5734556npsTK.png
"...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
Post edited by shandizar on

Comments

  • tiborrus
    tiborrus Member Posts: 94 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    I just played your quest with my Lev.60. GWF.
    Fantastic, enjoyable quest! Very good investigation, interesting story, perfect enviroment, professional dialog animation! I'm sorry, why this is no daily Foundry?! More 1-2 min. only needed?
    Where is the second part?! I want to try it!!!
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Hey Thanks for your interest

    I'm working as fast as i can....but i'm a bit of a perfectionist so work is a bit slow. I can safely say at this point chapter 2 is half complete and I plan on spending a few hours on it this Saturday. Stay tuned!
    As for why its not a daily foundry? The read time and encounters take aprox: 16 minutes however there are those players who click through dialog with out taking the time to read it. And as such the time varies between 14-16 minutes...if more readers play it instead of clickers the play time will average out at 15 minutes...which will qualify it for the daily.

    HellsHot
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • tipadaknife
    tipadaknife Member Posts: 229 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Playing this now ... if you could play and review Tempest in a Freepot, short code below, I would be very thankful :)

    ---

    "This poor guard is dead apparently sent here..." -- should this be, "This poor guard is dead. He was apparently sent here...."?

    The quest objective "The messenger" isn't very clear. Should this be, "Search the messenger," or something like that?

    "The body has been stabbed many times and theres blood ... " = there's

    "Perhaps a knife of somekind" = some kind

    "... will know why he's in your appartment" = apartment

    Quest objective "Speak with the Magestrate" = Magistrate

    "Investigation? I don't know what your talking about" = you're

    "In fact im here to report a murder" = I'm

    "Someone killed a city guard in my apartment i searched his body but found nothing" = "Someone killed a city guard in my apartment. I searched his body, but found nothing."

    "lord protector" - should be capitalized, e.g., Lord Protector.

    "How could this happen? wasnt it kept a secret" = "Wasn't it kept a secret?

    Etc. Not going to focus on misspellings from here on out. It might be worthwhile to copy the text into a word processor and check it for spelling, then paste it back into your dialog trees.

    Guard calling me sir all the time is weird because I'm not a sir....

    I like the bar fight!

    The lifting up by the collar thing is very nice!

    And... the sudden end. Should definitely be a campaign.

    I really liked it, but all the misspellings will prevent it from being featured. Fix those, though, and I wouldn't be surprised to see it with thousands of plays soon -- especially once you finish the entire adventure.
    dec2014nwsig.png
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Fantastic!

    Thanks for the scrutiny. I'm working on the spelling as i type this. As for the guard calling you "Sir". He's in the military and it's acceptable to use "sir" towards either gender. The laws according to the forgotten realms cities of Waterdeep and the northern reaches "Including the city of Neverwinter" state anyone working as an investigator for the Magistrate will carry an honorary rank in the military. In any case you can tell him to stop...eventually. :). I'm more than two thirds of the way through the second part....It's going to be a bit longer then the first.

    Thanks for your interest
    HellsHot
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Greetings

    After a while of spell checks. I think A1- The Apprentice is complete. NW-DIPQV5FVT.

    And i just completed work on Chapter 2 A2- On the Road NW-DOYUWI8BX. However it may need some tweaking yet.

    It is up for Review though give it a try.

    Thanks for your interest

    HellsHot
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Hi all

    I understand the play time on A1 - The Apprentice is a bit low so i extended it a bit to compensate ...However with all the plays it's gotten with the shorter time it's going to be a while before its time stabilizes at 15 minutes.

    Thanks for your Interest
    HellsHot
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Hi Tiborrus

    The second part is ready for reviews simply search for the Title of the Campaign "Armor Odyssey" and you will find it :)
    I also added a bit more to A1 - The Apprentice so you may want to play it again.

    Thanks for your interest
    HellsHot
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • dtz
    dtz Member Posts: 174 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    So first of all, great job on the environments. Unfortunately, the spelling and grammar is pretty bad. But at least you do have an engaging story to tell, which somewhat makes up for it.

    A minor lore quibble, though: Guard Evans says that Cutthroat Isle is on the other side of the Anauroch Desert. However, the Anauroch Desert was obliterated when the nation of Netheril shifted back into Faerun from the Plane of Shadow during the Spellplague. Pretty easy fix, just change Anauroch Desert to Netheril, but I wanted to point it out.
    Rank 8 Foundry Grand Master

    Check out my Foundry questline, The Brightstone Explorers' Guild, now archived on Youtube!
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Hello

    Is it me ? or are none of my spell checks getting through I spent hours yesterday on both A1 and A2 fixing punctuation and spelling using google doc's spell checker every single line of text has been checked and rechecked and yet people keep saying the spelling is horrible like I misspelled words all over the place....their can't be more than a hand full in both chapters and I would appreciate it if you would list examples instead of plainly saying the grammar is pretty bad! No hostility towards anyone it's just frustrating that i'm doing all this work and it doesn't seem to be doing anything at all. Please pin them down for me. There is a lot of text in both chapters if you see one just jot it down..... okay on the topic of the Anauroch Desert the last time I played Dungeons and Dragons specifically the Forgotten Realms campaign setting it still existed and I don't have a current map of Toril to show me that. Not as easy a fix as you think ...part of the second chapter takes place in the Anauroch ....gonna have to figure something out. Is there a current map i can look at somewhere?
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • breakinstuff
    breakinstuff Member Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited February 2014
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  • dtz
    dtz Member Posts: 174 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Rank 8 Foundry Grand Master

    Check out my Foundry questline, The Brightstone Explorers' Guild, now archived on Youtube!
  • tiborrus
    tiborrus Member Posts: 94 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    shandizar wrote: »
    Hi Tiborrus

    The second part is ready for reviews simply search for the Title of the Campaign "Armor Odyssey" and you will find it :)
    I also added a bit more to A1 - The Apprentice so you may want to play it again.

    Thanks for your interest
    HellsHot

    Hi! Thanks for the notification! I'm just in very big trouble...:( In my quest I get an error message: too many quest objective.I try to fix it (I need delete some objective in my quest, but it's very difficult...)
    But I'm definitely going to try out the second part of Your quest!!!
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Hello all

    Bad news i'm afraid, While i had guests a few days ago. My sister and her Autistic son visited and i was working on respell checking A1
    i stepped away for only 5 minutes and somehow he managed to delete the whole thing....I didn't even know you could?
    It saddens me to have to reconstruct the whole thing from scratch. I put in a ticket in the hope it can be retrieved ...however the second chapter A2 - On the Road is still fine and ready for reviews...hopefully i will get A1 back soon...but if not i will have to construct it all over again.....sigh :rolleyes:
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Thank you for the link DTZ

    Its not going to be as bad as i thought it looks like there is still some desert left even though its not called the Anarouch....don't see the Black road or the black reaches either ....hm...all those orc's nuked ;) oh well maybe some survived will have to slightly rewrite the druid glade and the crater oasis.

    Thanks for your interest
    HellsHot
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.
  • shandizar
    shandizar Member Posts: 144 Arc User
    edited February 2014
    Good news?

    I began reconstruction of A1-The Apprentice and its almost done....I added some much needed improvements in the dialog as well as some new affects as well. Looking forward to allowing you to play test it soon should be ready by 2-14-14. I will repost a new thread to indicate when its ready.
    5734556npsTK.png
    "...projects are never finished, only abandoned....."
    HellsHot is a proud member of Scribes' Enclave.
    1. The Haronomous Saga NWS-DJIKP5IWK a four part, story driven, campaign.
    2. The Ruins of Xylon NWS-DC76ORA4I a two part, dungeon crawl.
    3. Armor Odyssey NWS-DAUPTR46M a three part, story driven, odyssey.