Tomb of the Demonslayer

thescy

I just put up my first foundry mission NW-DC3ADRKKR
Check it out and let me know.

[Seventies grindhouse movie trailer announcer voice] Journey to the Desertsmouth Mountains, to Fleeting Peak to discover the truth behind one of the greatest forgotten heroes of the Weeping Wars. Plunge into the depths of a forgotten tomb to brave the horrors that dwell within in "Tomb of the Demonslayer" See the undead rise up and slay the living, feast with ghostly guards and vaporous villains, fend off the very powers of the Nine Hells themselves in "Tomb of the Demonslayer" Rated R for violence and gore, no one under 17 admitted without parent [/Seventies grindhouse movie trailer announcer voice]



The Scy

thescy

Trust me, its much better than "Cats" you'll play it again and again.

thescy

Getting a couple of good reviews, need more people to check it out.

casmelak

I'm planning on running this tomorrow, or friday at the latest. I wanted to get to it tonight but got busy. I'll update the thread with my notes once I've completed my run.

casmelak

Tomb of the Demonslayer by @thescy

NW-DC3ADRKKR

Played, starred, reviewed, tipped.

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Overall: This is a decent quest that needs some polish. There are a number of elements that seem out of place or unexplained and the special touches are lacking in a few spots. The broad feedback I'd offer is as follows:


The bad:

1. LOOOOONG empty hallways. Lots and lots and running through stretches of nothing. Consider, strongly, making the map smaller. Making the connecting hallways shorter. I liked the overall layout, but there was just too much galavanting on foot through completely indistinguishable corridors.

2. Combat was very simple. Not 'easy' although it was that too, but 'simple'. There wasn't much in the way of customized enemies. The encounters were dropped in and not situated to advantage within a room or patrolling or anything. I'd recommend customizing the costumes on the enemies and situating them more to fit the space their in, and adding patrol protocols to some of them. Also, add more.

The good:

1. The recipe Easter Egg. Nicely done! Cute, clever, and unexpected!

2. The writing. In general the writing, grammar, syntax, etc were all solid. There were a few MINOR points that I found to take issue with, but not enough to bother including specific feedback for it.

3. The few creative touches there were. The metal cages over the torches, the ghosts floating about, and the 'adventurer's satchel' were all nice touches. (Though I would say that the satchel SHOULD be in the room to the right.) ADD MORE. Add more detail, more debris, more reasons to believe that this is actually a crumbling dungeon with a history.

If you're so inclined and have a chance I'd appreciate feedback on my quests that I've included information for below. I have also included my detailed notes that are a stream of consciousness representation of my thoughts/feelings while playing.

"The Divinity of Lankeshire" by @casmelak
Short Code: NW-DF7Y9QTCM

"A Time for Death" by @casmelak
Short Code: NW-DDVSHT5TY

SETTING - Protector's Enclave

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Details
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N/A

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Dialogue
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Nobleman Burkhard

Consider: Try not to assume the sex of the player. 'my boy' is going to alienate female players.


SETTING - Fleeting Peak

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Details
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-Why is the map icon in town? I'd recommend putting it in the mountains.

+Generally well done little campsite, but I don't know why it's here. Am I camping? If so, why am I leaving it at night?

+Nice setting and backdrop.

-Needs ambient sounds. Spooky forest or something. Silence is not the best for exploring.

-It might come up later, but WHY does the ghost care if I live or die?

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Dialogue
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Corbar the Pious

Prompt:

That would never happen to me.

I'm pleading with you, please turn back, in five-hundred years no one who has gone below has ever come back.

Consider: Separate sentences.

I'm pleading with you, please turn back. In five-hundred years no one who has gone below has ever come back.

SETTING - Tomb of the Demonslayer

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Details
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-Silence.

-Not bad with the cave-dungeon transition. Missed some parts around the top and east side.

+Sound!

-It's wierd that the first room to the right is just...there. Maybe put the adventurer's satchel in THERE. Give the player an Easter Egg to find.

-Skeleton Archers lined up in a row. Maybe space them out? Move them into advantageous positions?

-The encounters seem to just be dropped in. Consider moving them around a bit, giving them patrols, etc.

-Kitchen cabinets are sunk into the walls, maybe add some actual fire effects to the 'fire pit's.

+Very well done with the wandering ghosts and whispering sounds.

+Like the recipe!

-Too long hallways with nothing in them.

+I like the effect of the cages on the torches. Maybe flip them over? Make it look like a caged sconce?

-Consider some costume work for the mobs.

-I don't know what I'm getting 'the key' for until AFTER I've gotten it. The mention of the dungeon slips by without notice. Maybe have the mission point be 'seek the key to the dungeon.'

-After opening the 'secret' door with the torch, there is a trap at the corner in the hallway that is under the floor, cannot be disarmed