Cthulu the Mighty

commanderkhan

I published my first foundry quest and could use some constructive criticism on it. Id like to know what I could of done different or better. Cthulus palace is made up of all kinds of different rooms. The reason being, within the story Cthulu can create things with his thoughts. He has been all over the known and unknown land, so many forms of architecture comes into play. Along with followers from everywhere as well. Its definitely not a typical map and there are two sidequests that can be done, doing one or the other or both changes the end dialog and you can even get help along the way if you talk to two NPCs and help them. Please give it a try and let me know what you think! Thanks

Cthulu the Mighty

short code: NW-DLMK2KN4D

tipadaknife

Playing this now:

Not sure what Cthulu must be stopped from doing. He hasn't done anything, except gather his followers to him in a palace of pure thought. That's hardly enough to send people to kill him. Did he invade anywhere?

"Cthulu's travels..."

The quest is called Chtulu the Mighty, but you spell the name Cthulu elsewhere. HP Lovecraft spelled his creation Cthulhu, but that's up to you.

Old Sailor: "Cthulu's palace". Not sure why "items" is quoted. Is he supposed to be doing air quotes? Maybe add some OOC text, like, The old sailor puts a special emphasis on the word "items" and gives you a knowing wink.

His dialog is in the OOC font, and the OOC text is in the normal font. You may want to switch that around.

Surprisingly, he really DID deliver items, not slaves or something. "some things that I have never seen before." Ah, after detailed questioning, they were in fact slaves. "That's why I sought you out. I cannot sleep at night..." "Ah, I see."

"Blah blah blah, yeah, I get it, already. I'm on the way now."

I felt some important details were buried, when the reason you would want to go on this adventure should be among the first things he tells you. "I can't sleep. I didn't know what I delivered -- it was slaves! Bound and gagged, surely by now the victims of foul experiments! Only you can defeat this evil and free the folk he has stolen!"

Also missing is any mention of payment and reward. He hints at the beginning that we would want to plunder the place, but that's in the same sentence that describes him as an immensely powerful, awesomely evil wizard. The WISE thing to do would be to stay away, ESPECIALLY since I know the reward will be worthless. Nevertheless, I am an adventurer, I live for this sort of thing.

In the last bit of the Old Sailor dialog; it has a line in the text saying "Continue", probably don't need that.

"Head out to the world map and then to Cthulus Island. Stop this mad man soon Player!".

I don't think you need to mention the game UI. "Only you can stop this madman! Head to Cthulu's Island and quench his evil!".

Are we, as players, supposed to think that this is Cthulhu, waking from his endless slumber in the dreaming city of Ry'leh beneath the waves? This is what I am expecting, at this point. But the Lovecraftian Cthulhu was a monster and elder god, not a wizard with a taste for architecture, so... dunno. Off I go.

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Map: Cthulu's Island. Mind the apostrophes.

We appear in a boat! Nice touch! Kail, the old sailor, came with? He gave no indication that he was coming with us, when we talked to him in the Moonstone Mask.

Apostrophes missing in Kail's dialog, In OOC font instead of normal font. Commas missing in player response.

Unnecessary text, "Follow Kail", which disappears in a flash, as you take the NPC away before the player can click "Continue".

Aside from the boat, the map has no detail or anything on it, except for the generic dungeon entrance in the distance. I was promised a magnificent palace, not a hole in the wall.

The interactable text for the cave entrance is "Quest Locker". I don't know what that means. Ah, I see, it is something that is going to tell me that the quest is currently locked. Please rename this to something like "Cave Entrance", and you can still give the failure text, without confusing players. Better yet, put a roll-away stone or something here, and then have Kail roll it away once you've talked to him, instead of just preventing people from entering the cave with an invisible wall.

Kail says that he will be there to help however he can, but only after I kill the powerful, supremely evil, wizard. Gee, he's helpful. I guess he'll drop by for the looting and plunder. Apostrophes, "much too old".

Even after talking to Kail, and having the quest objective, "Head into the cave entrance," the Quest Locker is still blocking entrance into the cave. I'll look around, but I believe the quest is stuck at this point.

The cave entrance is outside the rock face; you can walk around to the side and see it is just sitting in front of the mountain.

Nope, can't proceed. I don't feel this quest is finished, or ready for review. I will look forward to playing it again, when it is complete.

commanderkhan

Thanks for checking it out and responding. Im usually so anal retentive about spelling, not sure how I managed to spell the name differently in the title. Other then it was quite a few late nights. That is fixed. I could swear I took the invisible wall out on the island after I was done with my testing. Its out now for sure. As far as the dialog being a little cryptic, I did that intentionally. I wanted to set the scene and make it all the more curious. I like it that way. The OOC font would be the person you are talking too, not your own chat, am I not right on that? Out of character to me says the wording out of the character you are talking to. If it said out of yourself, then that would be from me. Its right as far as I understand it. I personally prefer the blue being from the person your speaking to. The italics just adds all the more importance to it. If that is wrong, then the whole story is that way. Every dialog I did the OOC as the one you are speaking too. Just made sense to me but Ive been told Im a bit different then most. At the Moonstone mask, I have the continue on the dialog so you can read that you must go to the world map to find Cthulus Island, that is just a helpful hint for the player so that should be there. On the island, after you click continue, that is when Kail will start walking. That is there so you can get ready or if you multi task like i do, it gives you time. That also should be there. I did not feel there was a need to have Kail explain he was going with but I can see that would be a good thing to add. Cant hurt. Kail is old so hes not going to help you fight. He told you about the adventure and led you there, that is enough. Plus he is at the end of the story. Now with the dang wall out of the way (or so I hope this time), you will see that. I did move the entrance back a little bit, cant go too far as it gets covered by the actual rock. Right where I have it, there is a cave so it works well in that spot. I think I will add some cave rocks around it however, that should help. Once you are in Cthulus palace, you will see it for all its glory. You will get the palace promised, its just underground as only a powerful wizard could create such a place.

commanderkhan

Thanks for playing my quest, those who did. Also thanks for the reviews! I admit, Cthulu is not as strong as I would like but with the limitations of the foundry, its somewhat out of my control. What I would of liked to of done, would be every so often (say in quarter health increments (75%, 50%, 25%) have Cthulu bring in some reinforcements that incrementally get harder the closer he gets to death. If we could have the fight to submission characteristic set up differently, I could do that. It would have to be set up to be able to change the threshold of submission and add multiples of the submission with a component complete at each instance of the submission entered state. That would add quite a bit to it but unfortunately it is not this way. What I could do however, would be to add some reinforcements if you talk to the wizard and warrior in the one prison. They help you with Cthulu if you free them so that is a possibility. I dont like hack and slash missions myself so I wont create them either. To me, the whole complete package is what makes a mission. The detail, the audio, the layout, the look, the feel, and the fighting. Hack and slash just get boring to me.

As far as running around a bit, I can absolutely see that and I just might add teleports from the end of the two side quests back to the central cave. Thats not too hard to add and it does add that little bit of extra zing to it. I will constantly be modifying the quest as long as it is available as I just cant leave anything alone. Just please keep letting me know where it can be improved and if the foundry allows it, I will do so!