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"The Secret of Greymoor Priory" submitted for Featured, please give it a try.
imaginaerum1
Member, NW M9 Playtest Posts: 378 Arc User
"The Secret of Greymoor Priory" by @Gruffydd
Short Code: NW-DFIZCF8SN
Mission Type: Classic quest, story-based set-up followed by combat
Average Duration: Currently 21 minutes, but could take quite a bit longer if you look in all the corners, talk to all the NPCs, and read all the lore.
Amount of Combat: Light to Moderate, once you get past the set-up
Starts at: Any city gate
Mission Summary: In a remote village south of Neverwinter, a couple of children have gone missing. A request for help was sent to Neverwinter, but with current events nobody official was available to respond. You have decided to go to the village, find out what happened, and if possible find the children.
Author tips/hints: Almost all of the NPCs are optional. Talking to them for the most part will only give you additional story. Lore items are available, but are also mostly optional. If you aren't interested in story, you can skip most of it. If you are interested in story, there's much to discover. Once within the Priory, there are a number of patrols. Until you have cleared an area, don't assume you are safe. Something might wander in. You'll have some choices during play. Depending on what you do, you may be able to skip a fight, start a fight, or change the final outcome of the quest.
Sorry, no screenshots. For some reason it doesn't want to upload from my computer. Please give the quest a try anyway.
Thanks.
Short Code: NW-DFIZCF8SN
Mission Type: Classic quest, story-based set-up followed by combat
Average Duration: Currently 21 minutes, but could take quite a bit longer if you look in all the corners, talk to all the NPCs, and read all the lore.
Amount of Combat: Light to Moderate, once you get past the set-up
Starts at: Any city gate
Mission Summary: In a remote village south of Neverwinter, a couple of children have gone missing. A request for help was sent to Neverwinter, but with current events nobody official was available to respond. You have decided to go to the village, find out what happened, and if possible find the children.
Author tips/hints: Almost all of the NPCs are optional. Talking to them for the most part will only give you additional story. Lore items are available, but are also mostly optional. If you aren't interested in story, you can skip most of it. If you are interested in story, there's much to discover. Once within the Priory, there are a number of patrols. Until you have cleared an area, don't assume you are safe. Something might wander in. You'll have some choices during play. Depending on what you do, you may be able to skip a fight, start a fight, or change the final outcome of the quest.
Sorry, no screenshots. For some reason it doesn't want to upload from my computer. Please give the quest a try anyway.
Thanks.
Post edited by imaginaerum1 on
0
Comments
Thanks!
"Travel to shipwreck bay" -- Shipwreck Bay should be capitalized.
I love Shipwreck Bay. Nice building, got a dock and a really tiny boat, nice lighthouse, totally beautiful. And there's the shipwreck, must be the latest of many if they named a bay after them.
Love the farmer and his text. Experimental farm growing stuff in salty conditions? Looking good
"... at wit's end, what with the children missing."
The farmer mentions that they are stuck here, in one conversation thread. Then in the another, claims they are here for the fertile land and freedom from nobility. Which is it? Are they descendants of shipwreck survivors?
Gavin Whitethorn uses his hands quite emphatically when gesturing during our speech. I think it's psychosomatic. Well, he's certainly bitter.
Driftwood Tavern? Appropriate!
Nice beer effects!
I'd be always welcome at the Driftwood, if I find Rolf's children? Why wouldn't I be welcome, anyway? I'd expect, at the very least, free beer!
Rolf doesn't need to define priory for us. Maybe have a conversation option where we ask what a priory is, in case the player needs that info. Or ask what "a priori" means, if they're lawyers
Rolf is the worst father in the world. What kind of father would rest, even for a second, until his children were found? There should be a better reason why he hasn't gone there. Like, he did go there, but got seriously injured falling through some loose floorboards and can't continue until he's healed. Right now, I have no idea why we're not seeing him searching the priory. Or why every villager isn't up there right now. Unless every villager is as bitter and spiteful as mister can't-feel-my-fingers-unless-I'm-not-thinking-about-them.
Hey, you spelled "all right" correctly. NOBODY gets that right!
"Go To The Priory" = "Go to the priory".
Charlotte's Web ref for the win! He's Some Pig. Maybe stick a spider NPC around somewhere? Is Johan planning to ever clear up the horse poo he's warned us of?
The priory looks in darned good condition for something that has been abandoned for years. Maybe dirty it up a bit.
Not sure you'd be able to see graves were disturbed if it happened a long time ago.
"... almost an aggregate"??? Heh. TMI!
Ah, now sour old Gwythin will talk to me. And, now we have the history of the village and the shipwreck.
Scunner? Is that used correctly?
Nice first encounter in the midden. Nice detail with the pile of filth! Liking the kobold encounters. Let's see what's behind the kobold barricades... Nothing? Is this used later? Kobold rooms seen so far look populated by the editor, maybe some further customization. I like that the kobolds have a tribe.
Yikes, that was a heck of a fight, but fun. Been avoiding the sparkly line for so long, I've wandered into the Cloak Tower. I'd better go back and find the kobold chief before I move on. Are these kobolds really lizardmen?
Another barricade, through an unlit room. It's Shelob! This is for Frodo! Oh no, it's Son of Shelob! Died just as fast. This is for Samwise! Actually, I think it fell down that hole. A blow struck for privy spelunkers everywhere! Sparkly line begs for me to return to the quest. The swineherd was worried I might track some poo around. Wait until he sees what I've gotten myself into now.
Thunder Rock clan now has a new name: Dying Ember Rock Clan. Emphasis on the "dying". Kobold Slayer now known as Kobold Slain. I love killing kobolds.
Chieftain Snapjaw is just trying to get by! What's he chieftain OF, I wonder? Haven't I just killed every single one of his tribe? Except for he himself?
Can't wait to see the Dread Masters. Wonder if Snapjaw will betray me. After all, he still has to live with the dread masters when I'm gone, and without his tribe....
New map, into a crypt. We were told about this.
Those skeletal guardians were a nice fight. Would appreciate having different names for different classes, like Skeletal Archer for the archers and so on.
Well, I guess we found the priests. Why, yes, I DO need a mystic orb! Hmm... Keeper of Mysteries. According to his journal, the children are... dead? But... no. Their blood was used, according to a previous page, but they were left alive. That was kind of them. I like the temple furnishing! Too bad those trusted lieutenants couldn't keep their orbs safe from a 27 huntress in green gear. The High Inquisitor was brought low. Fight may have been too easy.
One of the tomes in the Library say that the High Inquisitor and the Keeper of the Treasure were killed by an undead Archdeacon. Then, who was it I killed?
Nice work on the sealed portal.
Invisible wall was weird. I like the room decoration. Continue option is "<continue>", not sure why the angle brackets.
Archdeacon didn't heal himself.... his loss. OOOOOOHHHHH THERE'S MORE! I LIKE!
Ah, the children were, in fact, dead. Hoping the Lady can revive them, since she is, according to the lore, the bringer of Life. Presumably the Lord is guardian of... the other thing.
The benevolent spirit is really pushing the Lady option. Makes me wonder what will happen if I go with the Lord. Ah, Krogar the Punisher. We meet again
Oh, I guess talking to the Lady is now no longer an option. Well, I was warned. Let's hope for the best.
Ah, I guess Snapjaw had some spare people squirreled away somewhere.
Tunnel leads right back to the inn. I wonder if the innkeeper knows about this. There's the most horrible dad in the world, standing there. Ah, so sorry about the children. But, I didn't kill them, and bringing people back from the dead usually has horrific consequences. They are in a better place now, perhaps guarded by someone who loves them, unlike their father.
No return exit.
--
Starred and tipped. I loved this mission. Thank you!
Each time I have run this I have seen something different and it really makes me feel like I am playing a classic D&D adventure. If this is the type of quest you are looking for (classic feel) I highly recommend it.
NWS-DITF6RXSK - All Daily Qualified
Q1 - Dungeons of Mirent Tusk - 16 minutes Featured
Q2 - The Legend of Prince Brightblade - 30+m
Q3 - The Legend of The Lady - 30m
Q4 - Finding the Way -20m
Q5 - King Mirent Tusk - 50m
"The Secret of Greymoor Priory" by @Gruffydd
Short Code: NW-DFIZCF8SN
=========================
Overall: I liked this quest a lot. I really liked how open it was in the beginning. It allows for exploration and discovery which was fun. I thought that some of the details in the village were very well executed. I missed some details once inside the cave/dungeon portion. Seemed too clean and kind of empty.
I liked the Lower 'ruins' section though, and the description/narrative at the end.
A fun, story-driven adventure.
Left a review and a tip. My detailed notes are below. NOTE: I include a lot of grammatical notes in my reviews. Please don't take this as criticism or anything. I recognize that there is room for artistic license in narrative prose, and I also know how much of a pain it is to copy-edit in the dialogue editor, so I don't judge. I just figure while I'm in there I'll offer suggestions.
I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at one of the following quests I still have in the 'For Review' tab.
"The Divinity of Lankeshire" by @casmelak
Short Code: NW-DF7Y9QTCM
"A Time for Death" by @casmelak
Short Code: NW-DDVSHT5TY
=========================
SETTING -- Shipwreck Bay
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
+Great job on the little garden, though it'd probably be good to have a break in the fence for a gate.
-Gavin Whitethorn: Consider changing his costume to make his hands really small and thin.
-Rolf seems indifferent or even reluctant to talk about the priory before suddenly yelling that he 'knows' his kids are in there. Seems wierd he didn't open with that?
-Minor point: If the priory has been unused for a REALLY long time, then the midden would have already rotted away/been consumed by bugs etc, and wouldn't likely smell like much of anything anymore.
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Jancil Thorpe | First Conversation
Option "I see. What about Rolf?"
"Most days you can find him in the barn, but since the children went missing, he's been spending
most of his time in the inn. You can probably find him there."
consider
"Most days you would find him in the barn. But, since the children went missing, he's been
spending most of his time in the inn. You will probably find him there."
Option "You have an inn? In this tiny village?"
"We have our meetings there, and Barnsten does make a decent brew."
consider
"We have our meetings there; and Barnsten does make a decent brew."
Berne Miller | First Conversation
Option "Where were the children last seen?"
"The way I heard it, they were playing while their mother was hanging up the wash, and when she looked, they were gone. Last she'd seen them, they were in the trees at the edge of the village, near the barn."
consider
"The way I heard it, they were playing while their mother was hanging up the wash. When she looked, they were gone. Last she'd seen them, they were in the trees at the edge of the village; near the barn."
Option "Have there been any other disappearances?"
"Just one of the chickens from the barnyard, and we figure that was some hungry predator that got brave enough to come that close to the village."
consider
"Just one of the chickens from the barnyard. And we figure that that was just some predator that got hungry enough to get close to the village."
Option "Do you think the same predator might have taken the children?"
"No, when the chicken went missing there was blood and feathers all scattered about, and the other chickens were all hiding behind the haybales. There's nary a sign of the children."
consider
"No. When the chicken went missing there was blood and feathers all scattered about; and the other chickens were all hiding behind the haybales. There's nary a sign of the children."
Tarja Olsdottir | First conversation
Option "What do you have for sale?"
"This is the supply depot for our village, we don't have enough supplies to sell things to anyone who happens to wander through."
consider
"This is the supply depot for our village; we don't have enough supplies to sell things to anyone who happens to wander through."
Option "Well then, maybe you might have some information for me. I'm here to help find the missing children."
consider
"Well then, maybe you have some information for me? I'm here to help find the missing children."
Priory Door 1 | Interact
"You move some of it trying to dig the door free, but soon realize that over time mud and bits of stone from the rubble have baked into a rocky clay, almost an aggregate, and has firmly sealed this door."
consider
"You move some of it trying to dig the door free...
You soon realize that, over time, mud, and bits of stone from the rubble, have baked into a rocky clay -- almost an aggregate -- and has firmly sealed the door."
Priory Door 2 | Interact
"This wooden door swelled up in the damp coastal weather, and has wedged firmly closed."
consider
"This wooden door has swollen up in the damp, coastal weather, and is firmly wedged closed."
SETTING -- Under the Priory
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
+Nice use of patrols
+I liked the 'waterfall cavern' area.
+I liked the transition to the lower ruins.
-I'd recommend more debris in general. Garbage, random broken things, etc.
-I'd recommend playing a bit with the costumes on the mobs.
-I'd recommend having the 'Grateful Spirit' disappear after saying she was going to leave.
-I'd recommend having a camp with a tent and/or a fire or something where the kobold chief is. Some reason for him to be hanging out there in the cavern by himself.
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Chief Snapjaw | First conversation
Option "No, I bought it from him. Sort of."
"What was it you looking for?"
consider
"What you looking for?" (seems more in line with the pidgen style)
Statue of the Lord - 'Call on the power of the Lord' interact.
Suggest failure message more like "The Lord does not answer you."
"Libram of mysteries" - first page
"Two great caverns hold statues to the so-called 'Lord and Lady', statues that radiate a visible mystic force."
consider
"Two great caverns hold statues to the so-called 'Lord and Lady'; statues which radiate a visible mystic force."
"Despite our best efforts we have failed to breach it, at the cost of no few of our followers."
consider
"Despite our best efforts, and at the cost of no few of our followers, we have failed to breach it."
Option <skip to near the end>
"Finally we found that the thing which we lacked was the key - only innocence could pierce the barrier. The blood of the children brought it down. Within was the Lady's final sanctuary, where we found the keys to opening the barrier, a set of mystic orbs."
Consider re-writing the above. The below is just an example. The first issue I see is the use of 'key' twice. Once to describe the innocence of the children, the next to describe the orbs. The next issue is "The blood of the children brought it down." "we found the keys to opening the barrier, a set of mystic orbs." If the children's blood brought it down, why do you need the orbs?
"Finally we found a thing that we, as individuals lacked. Our insight lead us to the solution - only innocence could pierce the barrier. The blood of the children allowed us to pierce the barrier. Within we located the Lady's final sanctuary, where we found the keys to opening the barrier; a set of mystic orbs."
Option <turn the page>
"The Archdeacon took the children into the sanctum, and the Lady could not strike him down, for to do so would be to strike down the children as well.
consider
"The Archdeacon took the children into the sanctum, and the Lady could not strike him down; to do so would be to strike down the children as well.
"The Archdeacon will shatter this prison, and we will spill forth upon the land, an inexorable tide of darkness."
consider
"The Archdeacon will shatter this prison, and we will spill forth upon the land; an inexorable tide of darkness."
SETTING -- Final house
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
+I like the settings a lot, nice detail and good use of volume gates.
-I would change the 'Objective' from 'Talk to Rolf and collect your reward' and move the chest into the room there. I talked to Rolf, talked to Rolf again, talked to him a couple more times, and the objective didn't change or updated. It wasn't until I started randomly wandering around did I find the chest and it executed the objective. The "Talk to Rolf" part seems confusing, they should be separate objectives.
(Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ