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The Making of a God: The Divinity of Lankeshire - First time author trading reviews
casmelak
Member Posts: 89 Arc User
This quest is now daily eligible.
I still very much appreciate any and all feedback. Whether it be critical, or just suggestions, all comments are welcome.
Campaign : The Making of a God
Quest : The Divinity of Lankeshire
Shortcode : NW-DF7Y9QTCM
This is a heavy story and dialogue quest. I've done a lot of balancing and tuning for difficulty as well as thrown in some optional content. This first part of the campaign focuses on introducing the plot and trying to offer some interesting story-telling devices.
I'd recommend, for the first time through, to avail yourself of the optional assistance offered by the friendly NPCs. I've also included a story element that amounts to a 'guide' to get around the pesky quest trail only working part of the time.
Lastly, I've done a lot of work to try to make this quest both entertaining AND accessible to all quest goers. If anything is confusing or entirely too difficult please let me know.
Of course, please let me know what quest(s) you'd like me to check out and I'll get on that as soon as I can. Any and all feedback is welcome, and I hope you all enjoy it.
Done.
Done.
There is actually a grate there but for some reason it was set to disappear at that point in the story. Exactly when it needed to be there, of course. Fixed.
Soooo, 'Kobold Sewer Dungeon' doesn't seem to be working anymore. It was a week or so ago when I picked it in the first place. Seemed a little 'on the nose' but also fitting. I'll have to figure something else out for the ambience in the sewer.
Otherwise, made some updates to music in the last map. There should actually be music throughout now instead of it clipping out at times.
Guard Captain adjusted to now only show up as a companion during the final sequence if you save him from dying.
UPDATED:
+First dialogue with Edmund: Adjust animation.
--He now stays sitting through the conversation.
+Take a look at normalizing 'purple orb hover' positioning.
--Went through and adjusted most of the orbs in the sewer.
+Take a look at the 'illusionary rubble'
--Updated. Now no longer disappears once objective complete.
+Take a look at the 'Entrance to the sewers'
--Updated. Used sewer pipe instead of grate.
+Take a look at the 'Exit from the sewers: Return of the depth-fade'
--Updated. Used sewer pipe instead of grate.
+Adjust Edmund behavior during 'follow'.
--Updated. Edmund is now quadruplets.
+Fix 'dying guard' animation.
--Sort of fixed. The NPC animation now has him laying on his back.
+Edmund too, Electric boogaloo - add dialogue notes to illuminate the darkness around his 'invisibility'.
--Dialogues with Edmund updated to include better clues to his abilities.
+Now, by popular demand, The Director is a halfling while a follower.
I still very much appreciate any and all feedback. Whether it be critical, or just suggestions, all comments are welcome.
Campaign : The Making of a God
Quest : The Divinity of Lankeshire
Shortcode : NW-DF7Y9QTCM
This is a heavy story and dialogue quest. I've done a lot of balancing and tuning for difficulty as well as thrown in some optional content. This first part of the campaign focuses on introducing the plot and trying to offer some interesting story-telling devices.
I'd recommend, for the first time through, to avail yourself of the optional assistance offered by the friendly NPCs. I've also included a story element that amounts to a 'guide' to get around the pesky quest trail only working part of the time.
Lastly, I've done a lot of work to try to make this quest both entertaining AND accessible to all quest goers. If anything is confusing or entirely too difficult please let me know.
Of course, please let me know what quest(s) you'd like me to check out and I'll get on that as soon as I can. Any and all feedback is welcome, and I hope you all enjoy it.
-I think you might want to make the objective "Interview with a Gods Lackey" into "Interview with a God's Lackey"
Done.
-in the last conversation with the Key Grip, "offered" has one too many Rs
Done.
-the detail for descend into the sewers is currently black depth fade. The problem is that these aren't 100% opaque at the height you have it. You might find one of the pit doorways a better match here.
There is actually a grate there but for some reason it was set to disappear at that point in the story. Exactly when it needed to be there, of course. Fixed.
-I would recommend adding some sound effects or music to the maps in the beginning
Soooo, 'Kobold Sewer Dungeon' doesn't seem to be working anymore. It was a week or so ago when I picked it in the first place. Seemed a little 'on the nose' but also fitting. I'll have to figure something else out for the ambience in the sewer.
Otherwise, made some updates to music in the last map. There should actually be music throughout now instead of it clipping out at times.
There was one main issue I had, near the end, the guard captain fights with me, I thought he died at the start so it was a little confusing.
Guard Captain adjusted to now only show up as a companion during the final sequence if you save him from dying.
UPDATED:
+First dialogue with Edmund: Adjust animation.
--He now stays sitting through the conversation.
+Take a look at normalizing 'purple orb hover' positioning.
--Went through and adjusted most of the orbs in the sewer.
+Take a look at the 'illusionary rubble'
--Updated. Now no longer disappears once objective complete.
+Take a look at the 'Entrance to the sewers'
--Updated. Used sewer pipe instead of grate.
+Take a look at the 'Exit from the sewers: Return of the depth-fade'
--Updated. Used sewer pipe instead of grate.
+Adjust Edmund behavior during 'follow'.
--Updated. Edmund is now quadruplets.
+Fix 'dying guard' animation.
--Sort of fixed. The NPC animation now has him laying on his back.
+Edmund too, Electric boogaloo - add dialogue notes to illuminate the darkness around his 'invisibility'.
--Dialogues with Edmund updated to include better clues to his abilities.
+Now, by popular demand, The Director is a halfling while a follower.
Post edited by casmelak on
0
Comments
I thought the quest was a lot of fun and certainly not what I expected at first. I really recommend it.
Play through notes:
-the detail for descend into the sewers is currently black depth fade. The problem is that these aren't 100% opaque at the height you have it. You might find one of the pit doorways a better match here.
-I like Edmund's abilities, that is a really unique element
-I would recommend adding some sound effects or music to the maps in the beginning
-another note or letter from Breeman might be a nice touch but not necessary
-I think you might want to make the objective "Interview with a Gods Lackey" into "Interview with a God's Lackey"
-in the last conversation with the Key Grip, "offered" has one too many Rs
(Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
Thank you so much for taking a look at it!
I've been pretty worried that people wouldn't 'get' it since there's a lot of direction given in the dialog. I was also trying really hard not to make it 1. Too hard, while at the same time 2. not boring.
RE: Your observations
Good catches, all. I was planning on adding a "Breeman's Diary" in there and possibly some additional optional content in the sewers, but I've been working and re-working this for almost a week and wanted to get some outside thoughts before I drove myself crazy with it.
Getting on the edits now.
Thank you again!
I have added an entire side-quest associated with the Diary of Breeman Shulzer. The side-quest includes optional difficulty scaling by way of a dialog that offers an adventurer's assistance.
The difficulty of the side-quest is scaled in the same way as the rest of the sewer map as according to the choices made in the first conversation with the boy at the beginning.
The side quest only becomes available if you've investigated the optional scrolls. It is entirely outside the context of the larger story and simply provides some more depth and some puzzling and an additional set of enemies to fight. It's a little harder than the rest due to it's entirely optional nature, but should be completable regardless of class with the scaling provided.
I am still working on another side quest for the final map as well as the follow-up quest to this.
I had the chance to run The Divinity of Lankeshire today. At first, I felt the quest was just a straight forward quest, but as it progressed, it was altogether something else! Unique, interesting, intriguing and lots of fun. Nicely scripted adventure, nice work!
I did find a few minor things, nothing quest breaking ...
Young street urchin - when I approach him, he is standing looking around, first dialog box, he is sitting acting sickly, this lowers my point of view to him sitting, last box, he stands up, but my point of view does not move, so I am talking to his feet at that point.
Objective - Maybe there's something hidden? - That's a really big pile of debris .. it just vanished? Also, the grate you used has no backing, so you can see the ground under and through it.
(suggestion)- change the size of the grate to the smaller sewer grate, it has a black depthfade under it, so it looks like it leads down into the ground. Doing this will let you put a smaller pile of debris over it. You may even want to put that pile off to one side, once it is moved, instead of it just disappearing, so it looks like we moved it.
Objective - Show Edmund the way - after I speak to him, he just stands there.
(suggestion)- have him disappear, then respawn and follow the player over to the grate.
In the sewers, some of the purple glowing area, highlighting various things - some are just light effects, while others have a glowing point of light, the points of light are partly in the ground or wall though, should they be completely hidden?
End of sewer at ladder - Edmund just suddenly appears there, near the ladder, yet he said he would follow behind at a safe distance?
(suggestion) - have him spawn near the door of that room and run over to the ladder, so it looks like he really did follow behind.
After leaving the sewer - the grate is 4-5 inches off the ground and you can see the stones, grass under it.
(suggestion)- change it to the smaller sewer grate with depthfade.
Ambush - dying guard - he appears to be face down, dead when I arrive, but once I speak to him, he turns over and acts hurt, then he dies during the talk, so he turns over and turns around facing the opposite way and becomes a corpse. He moves around a great deal for someone injured and dieing lol.
When you have time, please run my quest .. Temple of the Winds NW-DM5JFJ3UL
[1] Devils in the Sewer
[2] The Summoning
[3] Temple of the Winds
Clan Ravenclaw
Children's Babble
Solstice Academy
Yeah, I wanted him to be sitting down in the conversation, I think I'll just change the behavior on the second piece of the conversation.
I think you must have run into some graphics errors. I'll take a look at maybe changing that around. The big pile of debris is an illusion. If or when you get close enough to it it fades away, strange that that didn't work for you. The idea was that, once you were aware of it, the illusion was dispelled. I guess I could just leave it there for you to walk through.
The grate is actually backed by a depth-fade black. The depth-fade is actually what you interact with, not the grate. So it's strange that it was there for you to interact with, but you couldn't see it. Again, must be a strange graphics thing. I'll take a look at the sewer grate object. What I remember is that it just didn't work at all for what I needed at the time, maybe it's been updated.
Good idea, added to notes.
The purple light effects are all the same type of object 'purple light orb hovering'. What you experienced must just be a matter of placement and clipping, I'll take another look at that.
The idea behind that is that being invisible is another of Edmund's abilities. He says he's "really good at staying hidden", and something to the effect that he'll stay behind you a safe distance and not be seen. It was an attempt at a subtle nod to his burgeoning magical talents. I guess it missed..;) I'll add something to the dialogue there to make it more clear.
Same thing as the other grate. There IS a depthfade there...not sure why it's not showing up, but it should definitely NOT be floating... that's a good catch, thank you.
Solid point. I'll see what can be done there.
I'll check out your quest asap. Have some to catch up with, but I'll definitely be getting to it this weekend at the latest.
Thank you VERY much for the detailed feedback.
-When I approached the debris pile, I got the contact interact, I hit F and it disappeared after I read it. It did not shimmer or fade out, perhaps because I wasn't close enough to it for it to react? Not sure, but it seemed odd, was why I mentioned it.
The grate is actually backed by a depth-fade black. The depth-fade is actually what you interact with, not the grate. So it's strange that it was there for you to interact with, but you couldn't see it. Again, must be a strange graphics thing. I'll take a look at the sewer grate object. What I remember is that it just didn't work at all for what I needed at the time, maybe it's been updated.**
- The grate your using, doesn't have a depthfade attached to it, so there's not one, unless you added it separately. Keep in mind that depthfade effects are clear around the edges, about 6-8 inches, so if it is too far down, you won't see the effect. You can still interact with it, because part of it is still above ground. The other grate I mentioned is "Sewer Entrance Small" this asset has a black depthfade attached to the bottom of the grate, so it makes it look like a hole.
**The idea behind that is that being invisible is another of Edmund's abilities. He says he's "really good at staying hidden", and something to the effect that he'll stay behind you a safe distance and not be seen. It was an attempt at a subtle nod to his burgeoning magical talents. I guess it missed.. I'll add something to the dialogue there to make it more clear.**
-Ah, I remembered the stay behind and hidden part, just assumed he was referring to roguish skills, like sneak.
[1] Devils in the Sewer
[2] The Summoning
[3] Temple of the Winds
Clan Ravenclaw
Children's Babble
Solstice Academy
I did add a separate depth-fade. The 'interact' action to go to the next map is set on it, not the grate. I had an earlier problem where the grate disappeared before you got there, but the depth-fade was still there and you could get to the next map. It could be a difference in shadow rendering or something. I'll be sure to take another look at the height on the depth-fade, and the 'Sewer Entrance Small".
Yeah, that makes sense. I'm just going to remove the disappear from it so it stays there and you have to experience the 'illusionary' part of it.
For clarity, I didn't mean to come across as defensive, if I did. It was more a surprised reaction. I really do appreciate all the feedback, because if one person sees something as off, then others will as well.
I'm trying to get through a back-log of review-trades right now, including yours! So I'm not going to get to the edits for several hours, at least. But I WILL look into your observations and try to figure out how to resolve the issues you've pointed out.
It didn't seem defensive to me, but then, we all tend to protect what we build, to some degree, it's only natural?
Unfortunately there are a large number of assets in the Foundry that seem to require varying amounts of graphics power to view them, so it is hard to know how someone else will view your quest. If each of the higher end assets had a small text, stating might appear different to different settings, it would be easier to test things.
[1] Devils in the Sewer
[2] The Summoning
[3] Temple of the Winds
Clan Ravenclaw
Children's Babble
Solstice Academy
Aha! I looked into this and figured out -- again -- why that element doesn't work there. It's too short. The depth-fade doesn't come up to the grate, it's at the base. The ground is uneven there, so in order for the depth-fade to actually show up evenly the grate would have to be floating.
In any case, I went ahead and just swapped in a pipe. It works and should be pretty obvious.
I could technically still play through it, but I don't really have the energy to be a thinking man right now so I doubt that I'd do it justice.
I know that making this post might seem a little pointless, I just wanted you to know that I am planning to play and review your campaign and that I would have already done it had my body not decided to be a weakling today.
So... for now you're going to have to do with knowing that I really like the title. That's technically feedback, right?
Cheers!
-Basilisque
Chapter One - A Construct's Prison: NW-DMSU8OJTV
Chapter Two - Raggyon: NW-DGIZVSQPU
Chapter One - A Construct's Prison: NW-DMSU8OJTV
Chapter Two - Raggyon: NW-DGIZVSQPU
Ahem;
Alright, some caravan guy wants me to find a street urchin and get him out of the city. Neat.
Huh, an illusory rubble pile I wonder what that sewer grate is for.
Oh, the boy asks me to find a way around the gate! The rubble pile of course!
Wait, no... I have to check the warehouse and the scaffolding first apparently.
Huh, so Edmund has the power to invoke the General User Interface. Neat.
Some of the purple glows look like they're slightly misplaced.
F*cking ladderburners.
Alright, lawnmowed the cc-susceptible boss. Up we go...
I can talk to every single one of the characters in the market square. I like this.
AAAAAAAMBUUUUUUSH!
Oh a gho- Wait, what?
What?
...what?!
WHAT?!
WHAAAAAT!?
Finalscore6/5tippedwouldplayagain
In all due seriousness, I liked this a lot.
I don't know how much custom decorating you've done but the areas generally looked nice and solid. The visual effects used in said areas were a bit wonky, though. Sometimes effects seem completely misplaced, like purple glows in the middle of nowhere and floating bones for no reason, but with the kind of story you're telling here I couldn't really be sure if that was on purpose or not.
It IS, however, VERY confusing. I felt like I was lacking information from the get-go, especially at the very start when the quest offers no real introduction. The quest description is all just an OOC message from you to your players and the campaign description is... Well, a campaign description.
I have no idea how my character got into this whole mess, and the caravan guy has apparently been in contact with me before so I must be missing something. I realize that a lot of this very likely comes from the fact that I don't know much about Cyric and his story, but I still think you oughta' explain the quest's beginning a bit better.
The adventure definitely isn't perfect, and there's still a lot which I think you could do to make it better without too much hassle, but the fact that it is just so **** far out pushes it from a 4/5 to a solid 5/5.
Final Score: 5/5, tipped and tagged.
Cheers!
Chapter One - A Construct's Prison: NW-DMSU8OJTV
Chapter Two - Raggyon: NW-DGIZVSQPU
I've done a fair amount of custom decorating. I started with a populated map, for the last part, but added to it pretty liberally.
The FX are on purpose, the drunk FX guy is blowing off steam and making random illusions for kicks; which is where the random floating bones come from. I could figure out something different there I suppose. This was my first quest. A fair amount of it was just throwing paint at the canvas to see what came of it.
I could certainly try. The 1000 char limit on the description is pretty limiting in that regard, but I'll see what I can do. I was reticent to front-load a bunch of exposition with the first conversation, but it couldn't hurt to add a few more points of lore. Maybe give the dying guard a few more minutes of breath. Though, to be perfectly honest, your reaction was almost exactly what I was going for. I'm hoping to lull the player with a fairly simple escort mission, maybe (hopefully), get them attached to Edmund, then throw them a curve-ball and surprise them.
The theme of this particular adventure was intended to be surrealist with a call-out to the absurd and Shakespeares notion of a play within a play. There's a back-story to Cyric -- and his plotting -- there's a back-story to Elymeria; and the vehicle that TELLS those, more complex, stories, is the simple one of protecting Edmund.
Thank you very much! I guess that I hit on enough of the points I was hoping to. Now I can work on polishing the rest!
Re: the purple orbs. You're not the first person to point that out, for sure. I wanted to introduce a story element that got around the quest trail silliness. I think that it works for the most part. I just need to dial in the competing sides: where it makes SENSE for the orb to be, and where the player can actually see it to make use of it.
I'll keep trying to hone that. In the mean time, thank you very much, again, for taking a look at it and providing feedback.
I've got some other things to play through, and of course my own stuff to work on, but I'll probably play the second part of your campaign at some point. Best of luck!
Chapter One - A Construct's Prison: NW-DMSU8OJTV
Chapter Two - Raggyon: NW-DGIZVSQPU