Riddles in the Dark, finally complete..Hopefully. Share your thoughts!

lolsorhand

So I finally deem Part 1 in my campaign complete, though I would love to hear your thoughts in the matter. I know it's not perfect when it comes to grammar, would love for people to point out them, but please do so in a manner that I can fix them, such as NPC in X place has this error -> And so fourth

And I'll gladly review your foundries would you want me to in turn. (Working my list off currently, but been a few long ones today.)

Also, Campaign is in the signature. - You can also just use the searchword "Brethren".

lolsorhand

Bump, anyone?

mrthebozer

I'll give this a shot either today or tomorrow, depending on when I get a window of free time. I liked your work on Dwarven Tale, it showed a great attention to detail, so it'll be cool to see what else you've got.

lolsorhand

mrthebozer wrote: »

I'll give this a shot either today or tomorrow, depending on when I get a window of free time. I liked your work on Dwarven Tale, it showed a great attention to detail, so it'll be cool to see what else you've got.

Awesome! (I will play through your quest today, had it in my journal but had to reposition a certain monster in a certain map because I realized it was more of a frustration than challenge.)

Edit: Though keep in mind the asthetics of the campaign are different, they are equally detailed. Just in different ways.

technoskald

I liked the general look of the environments and attention to small details (thanks for putting in a little reminder about characters of shorter stature), as well as the concept of the chase scene (even if it didn't feel like a pursuit, exactly). The escape in the passage was actually my favorite part.

Couple of thoughts:

- It starts kind of slow and confusingly. Maybe take a little more time to explain to the player what we know and why we're doing this?
- Definitely do another grammar / spell check pass. The error that appeared most frequently was not capitalizing the pronoun "I".
- In the back of the tavern is a ladder that says "Press F to teleport". If possible, give it some more accurate descriptive text, like "Press F to climb the ladder" (I think this is configurable, anyway).
- The Cleric of Kelemvor "smirks" and later "smiles fiently". I'm not sure whether "smirk" is the right verb here, and equally unsure of what the word "fiently" means. Maybe you mean "grins" ("smirk" implies scorn or smugness") and "faintly"?
- Once the Lost Spirit is dismissed, "you nod proudly of the dismissal" - I think you should just write "you nod at the dismissal".
- The Brethren: Camp environment in general is confusing: it looks like we're in a large pit with a gate. Did we arrive via that same gate? Or should we at least see another path that we used to arrive? Maybe this is something I need to try with a character with a different skillset to understand.
- In the passage, you mean "orchestrating", not "orchastrating".
- No comma needed in statements like "You have chosen 'normal'".
- "The water here carries dangerous currents"... why is she saying this? The only time we go through water, it's standing still (which I think is a limitation of the Foundry), so why not have her say something else?
- Grubb Grabb will "tell" not "tale" of what he knows.
- You give contradictory information about the wall of fire. The interaction message says it will be impassable, but the DM message says there's a way past it.
- Gabriel shouldn't speak in a conditional tense (e.g. "he'd say in a humble tone", but should be "he says in a humble tone").
- A campfire when about to defend the encampment through the portal would be nice.
- The Hand of Yrgal carries a "bloodied", not "bloddied", letter.
- "A lot" instead of "alot".
- You will "treasure" not "tresaure" the symbol from Elizabeth.

I gave it three stars for now; fixing the grammar mistakes could add a star and maybe less confusion around the story for a full five stars. Good work, I will play this one again!

lolsorhand

I liked the general look of the environments and attention to small details (thanks for putting in a little reminder about characters of shorter stature), as well as the concept of the chase scene (even if it didn't feel like a pursuit, exactly). The escape in the passage was actually my favorite part.

Couple of thoughts:

- It starts kind of slow and confusingly. Maybe take a little more time to explain to the player what we know and why we're doing this?

This is the point, explore and you will find hints to the main storyline. It seems you've either missed alot of the dialogue or didn't understand it. (Perhaps because of my horrible grammar.) It's part 1 to the campaign, it's not meant to give you the full story as you enter into it. It is there to introduce you to the characters in the campaign, and the general feel. While still giving some action into it.

- Definitely do another grammar / spell check pass. The error that appeared most frequently was not capitalizing the pronoun "I".
- In the back of the tavern is a ladder that says "Press F to teleport". If possible, give it some more accurate descriptive text, like "Press F to climb the ladder" (I think this is configurable, anyway).

You assume wrong, it is not configurable on teleporters. - I think perhaps you should give the foundry a look as to what is possible to do, and what is not.

- The Cleric of Kelemvor "smirks" and later "smiles fiently". I'm not sure whether "smirk" is the right verb here, and equally unsure of what the word "fiently" means. Maybe you mean "grins" ("smirk" implies scorn or smugness") and "faintly"?

You assume I did not intend something, when I did intend it. Smirk is smirk, and smile is smile. (Though faintly, thanks for pointing that out, so i can fix it.)

- Once the Lost Spirit is dismissed, "you nod proudly of the dismissal" - I think you should just write "you nod at the dismissal".

I'll change that asap, it does indeed sound better!

- The Brethren: Camp environment in general is confusing: it looks like we're in a large pit with a gate. Did we arrive via that same gate? Or should we at least see another path that we used to arrive? Maybe this is something I need to try with a character with a different skillset to understand.

I thought about that myself, but figured one could use their imagination here. I'll add a custom built ramp, or cave as to show where one came, and where one will go.

- In the passage, you mean "orchestrating", not "orchastrating".

Will fix that.

- No comma needed in statements like "You have chosen 'normal'".

The comma is there to really point out which difficulty you've chosen.

- "The water here carries dangerous currents"... why is she saying this? The only time we go through water, it's standing still (which I think is a limitation of the Foundry), so why not have her say something else?

Because you can take alternate routes through the water, but if you stray too far away from the intended route you will die. There is a reason for it, as you see.

- Grubb Grabb will "tell" not "tale" of what he knows.

No, he will tale what he knows.

- You give contradictory information about the wall of fire. The interaction message says it will be impassable, but the DM message says there's a way past it.

I will modify that message to be more clear.

- Gabriel shouldn't speak in a conditional tense (e.g. "he'd say in a humble tone", but should be "he says in a humble tone").

Thanks again, I will fix that as well!

- A campfire when about to defend the encampment through the portal would be nice.

This is intended, and will not be changed.

- The Hand of Yrgal carries a "bloodied", not "bloddied", letter.

- "A lot" instead of "alot".

- You will "treasure" not "tresaure" the symbol from Elizabeth.

Above will be fixed!

I gave it three stars for now; fixing the grammar mistakes could add a star and maybe less confusion around the story for a full five stars. Good work, I will play this one again!

Big thanks for helping me out with this

Edit: All of the above now fixed, many thanks technoscald for taking the time to pointing them out.

thefallacy01

After I deal with the specter that orders me to give him the stuff I can't turn it into the golem because I lack the propper skill any solutions I am a trickster rogue. How can I finish this foundary.

lolsorhand

thefallacy01 wrote: »

After I deal with the specter that orders me to give him the stuff I can't turn it into the golem because I lack the propper skill any solutions I am a trickster rogue. How can I finish this foundary.

You need to get the letter from the ground (The text states that he drops it) - I would recommend playing the original version though since it's updated since the feature.