Requesting Reviews: A Curious Disappearance NW-DDLEOFL2Q

sphecida

Please give me some feedback on my first Foundry quest, A Curious Disappearance NW-DDLEOFL2Q. It's a detective-style story with lots of dialogue and a little bit of combat.

I would like to know if there's too much dialogue and whether the combat is too hard or too easy, or just not engaging. Also, any tips for making the story and maps more intriguing (I'm much better at writing than at building dungeons).

I am happy to reciprocate!

Update June 24, 2013: I am working on making the combat more interesting and fixing small things pointed out by the testers. But with the Foundry down again, I wasn't able to publish the updates yet.

Update June 25, 2013: Changed encounters on Hard difficulty. I'm eager to know if this improves the last part of the quest. Added more decorations to the crypt.

I would love it if people posted some screenshots!

July 3, 2013: I'm going to make a few changes when the Foundry comes back up, just so you know if you run it before I re-publish.

redneckronin

OK, just tried this, and have to say I was amazed at the different characters, the dialogues and the "chat". Some of the characters were just totally brilliant.

Bugged out because of something I did, nothing you could have done to prevent it; I forgot to properly leave 3D Edit Mode from foundry and ended up not being able to attack, so the first fight didn't go well at all.

Will try again a bit later.

But for anyone looking for some brilliant character driven story I'd already recommend this with no hesitation.

All The Best

orodalf

Typo Report:

• Elinore: "Why, yes, I did!" (commas)
• Helga: "he orders a four-course..." (hyphen)
• Duvain: "So here you are" should be "There you are." (more idiomatic)
• Emlyn: "I'll just be on my way then. Toodleoo!" (capitalize)
• Lucia: "My people came from Nimbral and were master illusionists." (no comma)
• "Kronos's," not "Kronos'." ("Kronos" isn't plural)

Other comments:

• Humphrey swings both ways? What a coincidence, so do I!
• The Scorch Mark disappears after you interact with it. How odd. You might want to make it so that a non-interactable one appears in its place.
• Down On His Luck Assassin is my favorite character.
• You have "Go to the Apothecary Shop" as your label for the exit to the Lucky Clover. It might be more realistic for you to have the player go back to the Enclave and then enter another building.
• You could have the item-collection be three parallel objectives - the quest will feel less linear that way.
• As soon as she spawns, the demons attack Lucia Alecto. You might want to make her untargetable - this option was recently introduced to the Foundry.
• You have monsters spawning after the last bit of dialogue with Lucia Alecto has been reached. I think it'd be better to make them spawn when the talk with Lucia Alecto objective has been completed.
• Likewise, you could make the "place item on altar" objectives parallel.

Overall, nice little quest. I like how the story unfolded as I talked with the inn's patrons. It does end in a pretty weird place, though... I thought we were going to get sent to Ix's realm. If you'd like to review me, I'm NW-DNHUS45KC.

sphecida

redneckronin wrote: »

Some of the characters were just totally brilliant.

Wow, thank you so much! I hope you get a chance to try the combat, and I will check out your campaign.

sphecida

orodalf wrote: »

Typo Report:

• "Kronos's," not "Kronos'." ("Kronos" isn't plural)

Thank you so much for your critique. There's some debate in grammar circles about whether to use 's or just ' at the end of singular possessive words ending in s. I learned to omit the second s, but I'm rather ancient.

orodalf wrote: »

Other comments:

• You have "Go to the Apothecary Shop" as your label for the exit to the Lucky Clover. It might be more realistic for you to have the player go back to the Enclave and then enter another building.
  

I had intended to have the character exit the tavern into Protector's Enclave, but decided to have fewer map transitions. I can put it back in. I wasn't sure whether players would understand that they weren't going directly into the shop, so I'm glad you pointed out that it was odd.

orodalf wrote: »

Other comments:
It does end in a pretty weird place, though... I thought we were going to get sent to Ix's realm.

You will! The rescue will be part 2. I didn't want to make the quest too long, so I split it. I can make this clearer in the description.

I'll definitely review yours - I'm making a list

redneckronin

sphecida wrote: »

Wow, thank you so much! I hope you get a chance to try the combat, and I will check out your campaign.

Thank you.

Feel free to try either, although I am looking for reviews and play on "A Hidden Valley", the first part "A Missing Man" is already eligible for the Foundry Daily, and apart from fixing any "game breakers" should they crop up via the patch-process is pretty much finished.

All The Best

oggbrox

Any screenshots?

sphecida

oggbrox wrote: »

Any screenshots?

Oh, yes, please post some when you try it out!

Here are a couple - I'll take some more tonight when I make my friend run it :P



Some witnesses at the tavern



Someone who has absolutely nothing to do with the disappearance. Nope. Purely incidental.

maerwin

Hello, I've played through your quest. It was quite good for a first try, I especially enjoyed the conversations in the inn. I really hoped the quest would continue to Ix's realm, though (can't blame you though, I did basically the same thing to my quest).
Hope speedrunners never find your quest. I'd say it can be completed in 10min or less if you don't read the dialogues.
My only advice would be to decorate your inn a bit more. I didn't mind it, but when I used the same auto-populate inn in my quest, many people commented that I should add some stuff there.

My quest is is the sig, I would appreciate both a play and feedback (it's out of 'for review' tab, so it doesn't get plays at all now). Thanks

sphecida

maerwin wrote: »

Hope speedrunners never find your quest. I'd say it can be completed in 10min or less if you don't read the dialogues.
My only advice would be to decorate your inn a bit more. I didn't mind it, but when I used the same auto-populate inn in my quest, many people commented that I should add some stuff there.

My quest is is the sig, I would appreciate both a play and feedback (it's out of 'for review' tab, so it doesn't get plays at all now). Thanks

Do you know if there's a way to slow down speedrunners in a story-based quest? The same thought occurred to me - that people wouldn't bother with any of the dialogue. But I'm not that interested in combat. Maybe I should just accept that some people just won't appreciate the effort Foundry authors put into their work.

I was thinking of putting a bar in the tavern - so maybe I'll replace the benches and front desk with a bar and some tables. I wish we could have NPCs sitting, don't you?

I should be able to try your quest tomorrow and will definitely give you some feedback. Thanks so much for reviewing mine!

redneckronin

Ok, played it through properly now.

Again the characterisation of the NPC's is just brilliant.

Unless I am mistaken, and I can't recall reading a specific in-game statement to this effect, some of the Dialogue Responses are "difficulty" triggers.

Now, I got caught on this, bragging to the Ghost, and ended up swamped by Mobs, and died a couple of times getting back in to get the sword.

Bravo - if these are "stealth" difficulty-sliders, I really liked the kick up the pants they delivered.

Once thing to note; when you fist enter the Crypt the door leading back to the house doesn't fill the door space and so you see the "blue background" above the door.

Nonetheless, I still didn't hesitate in awarding 5/5.

For a first-time foundry effort this is exceptional, perhaps only exceeded by "Bonderleaf's" (which is probably the best quest in the entire game at the moment).

All The Best

sphecida

redneckronin wrote: »

Ok, played it through properly now.

Unless I am mistaken, and I can't recall reading a specific in-game statement to this effect, some of the Dialogue Responses are "difficulty" triggers.

Now, I got caught on this, bragging to the Ghost, and ended up swamped by Mobs, and died a couple of times getting back in to get the sword.

Bravo - if these are "stealth" difficulty-sliders, I really liked the kick up the pants they delivered.

Once thing to note; when you fist enter the Crypt the door leading back to the house doesn't fill the door space and so you see the "blue background" above the door.

Stealth difficulty sliders? I'll never tell! I'm just glad you found it challenging.

I did notice the door last night, and it should be fixed now. I had started with a sewer room and forgot to change that door.

I'm thinking about adding some red herrings to the tavern to make the plot less linear and make the decor less generic. I wouldn't put my humble little quest anywhere near the league of Bonderleaf, but I am very flattered that you enjoyed it.

Again, I very much appreciate your taking the time to review my quest! I played through A Hidden Valley and will write up my thoughts on your thread tomorrow - time for bed now

hb4gaming

Just completed your quest before the servers went offline. I really enjoyed it! The dialogue and characterizations were, of course, the highlight. I enjoyed poking around in the various rooms and chatting up all the tavern patrons... laughed at Yevlina and Jared!

By sheer coincidence, I actually talked to Bryon last and (as per the objective) talked to 13 of the characters a second time before remembering the one character upstairs that I couldn't interact with earlier (duh). My bad. (I didn't really mind because you were kind enough to give most of them only one page of dialogue!)

The whole thing flowed very smoothly - didn't spot any typos and it seems to be playing as intended. Nice job filling the various environments with music and objects... it felt alive.

I suspect the combat following talking to the ghost is almost guaranteed to kill the majority of players. There's no space to fight in that doesn't trigger more mobs. Dying, however, at least gets you out of that situation and allows you to work your way back methodically, with space to fight behind you. Repair costs aren't anywhere close to breaking my bank at the moment (so I couldn't care less) but if that section of combat results in death for the majority of people, it might cause some players who would otherwise replay your quest to choose another Foundry for their daily (if that's something you're even worried about). Don't run off and change anything yet though! Definitely get more input from more people (esp. lvl 60's) before you mess with it! There's ALWAYS the strong possibility that I'm totally wrong/delusional.

The only thing I would suggest is changing the waypoint settings. You spaces are small enough that you don't really need the waypoints set to show "Areas". Choosing "Points" would keep the sparkly trail but eliminate those large radiating circles everywhere. (Obviously not a big deal either way though.)

Sooooo... yeah. That's it! I really liked playing your quest and am looking forward to part 2! Thanks!

p.s. If you have time to review my "Bully" quest, that'd be awesome. No rush. I don't have anything about it on a thread anywhere so feel free to just send your review to my forum inbox. And PLEASE be as critical as you can! I'll take suggestions over a pat on the back any day!

karitr

Hi Sphecida,

I have just played through and really enjoyed it.

The overview is very clear and accurate about what the player should expect so, NO!, there is not too much dialogue. It still allowed for the sheer numbers of the final encounter to be a jaw-dropping moment also, which is cool.

I do think the Tavern in particular could have more detail/d

karitr

Sorry Sphecida, something is very wrong with my posting permissions. Will PM you the rest of my feedback.

sphecida

Thank you so much, Karitr and hb4gaming, for playing and reviewing my quest! I appreciate the time you spent, because this is my first foray into the Foundry, and I'm just getting the hang of how it all works

hb4gaming wrote: »

I suspect the combat following talking to the ghost is almost guaranteed to kill the majority of players. There's no space to fight in that doesn't trigger more mobs. Dying, however, at least gets you out of that situation and allows you to work your way back methodically, with space to fight behind you. Repair costs aren't anywhere close to breaking my bank at the moment (so I couldn't care less) but if that section of combat results in death for the majority of people, it might cause some players who would otherwise replay your quest to choose another Foundry for their daily (if that's something you're even worried about). Don't run off and change anything yet though! Definitely get more input from more people (esp. lvl 60's) before you mess with it! There's ALWAYS the strong possibility that I'm totally wrong/delusional.

I'm going to spill a secret here: The dialogue with the ghost offers you a difficulty choice. So one choice leads to a super hard fight (hopefully!) for those who love killing things, and the other lets people who aren't so into it get on with the end of the story.

Do you think I should make it more obvious, or offer a third choice, as I did when you enter the crypt?

Also, thank you for pointing out the blue blobs - I don't like those either, and forgot to fix them. I promise to review Bully. I have a list of quests to review, so it may take me a couple of days, but it's great fun having a dialogue with other authors.

@karitr - I'm definitely going to add some more fun to the tavern. I was disappointed that I couldn't add any rooms to that map (or couldn't figure out how).

lumicakery

hey man, just played your quest, it was a nice quest but I have a few comments.

1) The beginning was a bit overwhelming for me because there were suddenly so many chat bubbles in my map and I didnt know what I was supposed to do or what they were talking about. Maybe have those dialogues available only after talking to Elinore?

2) Details. I think details were good overall, but I feel the crypts and some of the 'poor' rooms in the tavern were a bit empty.

3) Music. I especially recommend putting some sort of boss music when fighting the named wights in the crypts. Or a more noticeable music inside the crypts (i didnt really feel anything ).

4) Some of the details you examine inside of Humphrey's room had numbers attached to them. Might want to check that out.

5) Encounters were a bit bland for me. I know that there supposed to be raised dead, but meeting hulks again and again gets kinda old. Maybe add some ghosts? That way you can be creative with it.

Anyway thats my review, hope Ive helped .

sphecida

Hi lumi, thanks for playing my quest! Could you give me some advice on the chat bubbles? I wanted to obscure the most important witnesses among the others, while not requiring the player to talk to everyone. Right now, only the important witnesses are in the story objectives - the rest are just map chat contacts. Would you recommend putting them all in the story objectives, perhaps in parallel, so the player doesn't need to talk to them all?

I will definitely change out the hulks. I had put those extra encounters in at the end for the Hard difficulty, but having played through someone else's quest with a similar arrangement, I know how it feels to fight the same enemies over and over - boring! Perhaps to make the combat harder for the people who want that, I could take out the waves and just put a few single encounters re-skinned with zombies or demons (to fit the story). Or do you think I should just remove the enemies that spawn after you get the sword? I don't like combat, myself, and was trying to think what someone who wanted more combat in the story would expect.

I originally had music in the crypts, but it was too much music, so I took it out. I sometimes find the music gets irritating if combat goes on too long (I had to turn it down when I was fighting the demons inside your cave), basically because it takes me a long time to kill things. So I will try putting some music in and turning it right off with the death of each boss.

I really appreciate your feedback - I have learned so much from other Foundry authors and am trying to make my little story more interesting.

lumicakery

Well for me, I would have liked Elinore to be more in my face at the start of the quest as to know where im supposed to go. Maybe at the tavern, add a small hallway where the entrance would have been at, and put Elinore there. That way, people will see her first. I personally don't mind talking to everyone, (kind of feels like an old style rpg where everyone had something to say). Although, you might wanna put something like "oh i think that old man might know something" at one of the trivial chats.

Its not really the number of encounters for me, its just that its the exact same thing. The costume is one aspect, and the actual encounter (what mob it really is) is the other. So like you meet one hulk with the hulk costume, then you meet another hulk with some added features. But essentially, youre still fighting a hulk, the same hulk. You might wanna throw in, i dont know, lizardmen hulk ? Youre just gonna have to experiment at what combination seems good (and visually logical).

Hoped ive help .

sphecida

Thanks for the ideas! I added some dialogue to try to point the player to a particular witness, and placed Elinore front and center. The sparkly trail should have lead right to her, so I'll have to make sure that's actually showing up.

I was working today on re-skinning monsters to switch up the waves of undead at the end - I hope it's going to be visually more interesting and just more fun.

But now the Foundry is down, at least for me

sphecida

Ok, updated encounters, added a few things and re-published.

I'm still looking for reviews! Let me know if your quest needs reviews - I am more into story quests than heavy combat quests.

Also, I wasn't looking to make mine The BEST Whizbangiest Quest EVAH! Just hoping that it's fun and interesting and doesn't contain too many flaws. :P

redneckronin

Started to play through again earlier, had to quit almost immediately - had bread in the oven and a chicken to roast - was quite shocked to see the Inn change.

BTW: Eilnore wasn't present in first room to start with and I wandered around looking for her, and I was about to exit quest and send you a "bug report" when all of a sudden she cam running "through" a wall toward the "entry door" and was suddenly there.

Now I swear I haven't been drinking... ...yet, that genuinely happened.

Based on my brief foray in to the "new Inn" I think I preferred the old one, was there a specific reason for changing it?

I'll play through again either tonight or tomorrow morning (UK time).

PS: Anyone not played this yet, give it a go, great NPCs and conversation driven story line.

All The Best

zbkolde

Great quest. You did a really great job with all the details, it was fun to snoop around all the rooms. I just now finished it, so not sure if i did your most recent version or not, as i see you've republished just a little while ago. I'll send you my other notes in a forum private message.

P.S. Thank you very much for the squishy option so my softy level 60 Cleric could complete it with no problems.

sphecida

@redneckronin - wow, that IS strange about Elinore! I had moved her right in front of the door so that players didn't have to look around for her. I hope that was just a bug. I changed the tavern because I'm getting the message that people don't like the pre-made maps. Unfortunately, I don't know how to add levels and stairs, so it's just a bunch of rooms that I tried to decorate with things that might be at a tavern. As I play more people's Foundry quests, I'm getting ideas for how to make maps more exciting. Thank you for playing it again - yay!

@zbkolde - I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I know what it's like to be squishy and not have a campfire anywhere nearby (I must have used 10 portable altars in one quest). Thanks so much for playing it

hawthornberry

I've just reviewed four of the "seeking reviews" quests, and this one was far better than the others. The dialogue is crisp and well-written (and free of the poor grammar and spelling the others have all been prone to), the story has a nice balance of activities, and the effects and quest elements make really good use of what Foundry makes possible. I can't think of anything I'd suggest you improve.

Would like to see what you think of mine.

midnightsigh

(Reviewing as I go)

First off, I love walking into somewhere and seeing a yellow map....I can talk to everyone......i love it. The place is so lively. I also like that you have multiple maps from Protector's Enclave, rather than taking you from one to the next. It means another loading screen, but it has a much better feel to it. Love the bird feathers with the cat!! hahahah! The giant statues holding the banners-love it. All in all, it was a good quest. It was a bit shorter than I thought, but I await part 2. While the inn was very lively in the sense of people (love not only the conversations you have with them, but the side chatter as well), but it seemed a bit empty, especially in the rooms. The rooms seemed much too large to just have a single bed and some dressers. Maybe make some a double room (and then they could be cheaper for that poor assassin! I wish I could at least give him some pants!)

As far as combat goes, I'm not a very combat oriented person. But even for me, it didn't feel like the place was overrun or like there was any impending danger to Neverwinter as a result of what was going on here. Maybe extend the 3 hallways and add an extra mob or two in each? Also, where did the undead come from-unless I fell into my tunnel vision (which I occasionally do), I didn't see many coffins or body bags or the like to indicate where the dead were raised from. I understand that they were essentially summoned, but the bodies usually come from somewhere. Maybe even a magically sealed door that Ashima already dealt with or something that alludes to a larger place where they came from.

I play a lvl 60 rogue that usually has problems with mobs and groups (as rogues are best at 1v1 combat) and this was a breeze even for me. And my new cleric that I bought before coming went from lvl 1-7, so thank you XD

All in all, I enjoyed it. Subscribed so I'll be able to see the next part!

sphecida

Hey midnight, thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked the conversations. I know all those chat bubbles on the map were a little confusing for some people.

I do have a lot of trouble with the limited decorations available. I wanted to make the cheap rooms pretty barren, but you're right that some extra straw palettes would reinforce that idea. I can definitely add more coffins to the crypt.

Which difficulty did you choose? Was it a breeze even on the "piece of cake" difficulty?

oggbrox

Hope, tomorrow I can brew a nice cup of coffee and have a look at your quest. :cool:

sphecida

oggbrox wrote: »

Hope, tomorrow I can brew a nice cup of coffee and have a look at your quest. :cool:

Argh! I'm embarrassed for you to look at it because yours is so wonderful! After playing more Foundry quests, I realize all these things I could have done better with mine. But... I am trying to get Part 2 finished. I think I'll just try to remember all the cool things I've seen in other people's quests and start an entirely new project after Part 2 (if fussing with puzzles doesn't make me lose my mind, that is).

oggbrox

First... here are some "negative" things that attracted my attention:

- Some items in the kitchen are hoovering.
- Shurtana is walking through (!) some NPCs.
- The big door in the first room of Duvian's house is hoovering a bit, too.
- Drinks are "flying around" on the counter of Ashima.
- Ashima gets pretty quick in the cript? Perhaps you can make her walk from the door to the altar? U know what I mean?
- The end was abrupt and I was sad, that it was over.

The rest was just amazing. "A Clash Of Wills" was the best quest I've played yet... but I think, I like yours a little bit more! It's the humour and all the funny things, you put into this little adventure. It was just bloody entertaining! I will put it into my signature now!

sphecida wrote: »

Argh! I'm embarrassed for you to look at it because yours is so wonderful! After playing more Foundry quests, I realize all these things I could have done better with mine. But... I am trying to get Part 2 finished. I think I'll just try to remember all the cool things I've seen in other people's quests and start an entirely new project after Part 2 (if fussing with puzzles doesn't make me lose my mind, that is).

Don't talk in such a way! This is bollox! Perhaps you could add some more details into the rooms and the dungeon... but at the end of the day, this is not the stuff that counts. You proved it: Even without "overfilled" maps, you can make a really good quest. Your details are sufficient.

I played 12 Foundry-Quests yet, and yours is one of the best. Why? Because it was clever and funny. Not many people got the talent, to be clever and funny. So... just keep going on with YOUR stuff and everything will be perfect.

It's some kind of magic, to make a good quest. And you got that gift.



Loved the details of the characters... their behaviour, their text. Also the big room of Duvian's house was great! The music in the room was brilliant, too! Can you tell me the name of it?

I'm really strict with Foundry-Quest. Hope my feedback makes you proud! Haha! :P

mcwill

I will try your quest as soon as I can later today after maintenance. Feel free to check out mine as well. Shortcode is in my sig.