First Foundry: A wayward child

eskarine

Hello!

I have finally finished my very first Foundry quest and I would appreciate any nitpicking you can do, be it grammar, flow of the story, floating objects, map design, weird opponents - anything that you feel can be improved.

12/06/2013 News: "A wayward child" is now officialy eligible for daily foundry
15/05/2014 News: The quest was taken down for a complete revamp (maps, characters, dialogues)

"A wayward child"
NW-DIIXJX4ES

Quest type: Custom lore, story-driven (fair amount of text), medium combat. For now it's about 30 minutes long, though I suppose that depends if reviewers take time to look at everything

Hope that you guys enjoy it!

chinspinner

Ok will trade, on it now.

Mine is in sig, Part II needs the reviews

celandor

I got 3 hours before my daily resets then i'll give it a look over sometime this afternoon. Would appreciate if you could return the favor as well Info in the sig. ^^

eskarine

Thanks guys, I will tackle them in the evening, off to see new Star Trek movie now

chinspinner

Just played it, it was a lot of fun, there is a really good story in there but needs a little development.

I made notes, these were my thoughts as I played (they are a little pedantic): -

Press F to fast travel- wording can be changed.

Map 1

The pub felt a little sparsely decorated, and perhaps a few more NPC's would add atmosphere. What is there is very well done.
'I am currently on a job' sounds awkward.
Demon? What? A little more explanation required.
'So I can have something' remove 'can'.
'dwelling' awkward/ archaic. 'Home' would suffice.
'as a proof' could read 'as proof'

Map 2

Entrance felt a little contrived.
Liked the chicken detail.
'I can only assume'... I could have stolen it! Perhaps 'I see you have his journal, okay...'
'Way of the demon', perhaps means/ method? Just sounds odd.
'looke' typo
Demon fighting kit- need better explanation as to why he has not done it, if he is too weak that is fine.
Fighting felt like a bit of an ad-on, no real purpose to it.
Stacked encounters, try to avoid them, they are easy for a 20 rogue (me) but impossible for a 60 cleric.
A nice focal point or back drop to the map would improve it a lot, it feels quite large and empty.
There is no respawn point other than entrance (I died).
Love the waterfall.
Why is only the central section of the bridge covered? There are some really pretty end sections in foundry.
Talisman of Cleansing, that encounter is too hard.
A lot of running.

Map 3
Some of the details are on the wrong Y axis and stuck in floor.
Where is the spawn point?

Map 4
Again where is the spawn point?
It felt a little samey/ grindy.

Map 5
Really nice effects.
Boss was easy (which tbh was a relief)

Overall really nice story but needs some fleshing and a few more details.

eskarine

Thanks for feedback - I already fixed the stacked encounters, typos, some dialogue (to make it flow better) and going to tackle the objects soon.

EDIT: Played through Three Dials, and celandor's quest, left reviews in game and in forum threads.

eskarine

Ver 1.2 is now live:

- Added some NPCs to the tavern and made them do something else when tavern is revisited (ex. guy who teasing a cat is now on the floor, scratched, or the guy who was dancing with courtesan is now proposing to her while she freaks out)
- Added some decor to tavern (my new fave prop - an arrow through mounted bear's eye, lol)
- Added some decor to demon lair (mostly columns, debris, crates), fixed a couple of wrongly placed objects
- Added an interaction with woman's corpse and circling crows above dead bodies
- Removed some encounters that didn't do anything for the gameplay
- Changed name of the map from "Robert's dwelling" to "Robert's home"
- Changed map's entrance from teleportal to cave/crypt entrance
- Changed some dialogue with Robert

If you guys catch some grammar/misspellings please let me know what to change.

mrthebozer

Hey eskarine,

Just gave Wayward Child a run, but was unable to leave a review, unfortunately. I leveled on quest complete, and my guess is that the level announcement overruled the review UI, as it never appeared. I went back and subscribed, and I will give it another run after you make any revisions that come from this and other reviews. But I'll make sure you get your star rating from me.

Now, on to my notes (spoilers ahead):

- Loved the questionable dinner option. I kind of wish something more stemmed for it - too bad there's no way to prompt an emote from the player character after completing a component - it would have been great if there was a way to show some ghastly reaction to the food.

- Intimidating Man (Player response): "posted on town board" should be "posted on the town board"
- Intimidating Man: "I need you to try track them down" should be "I need you to try and track them down"
- Intimidating Man: "Bran has ran away" should be "Bran has run away"

- It would be cool if you added something to the description of the journal providing details of the demon it is supposed to have details about. Does not have to be much, but it would be a cool extra tidbit if a player decides to hold the mouse over the object before taking it.

- Robert: "pry more "info" - I would recommend using the full word "information"
- Robert: "could have gone with him" should be "should have gone with him"
- Robert: "and talisman of cleansing" should be "and a talisman of cleansing"

- the fetch quests were a lot of running with only a few encounters along the straight paths between items. Monsters in the middle of the map don't mean much if the route takes the player around the border of the map. Consider placement, and perhaps also consider spawning additional encounters when an item is taken - a good way to show that the demons may be on to the player's plan, and make more effort as the player gets close to completing the collection.

- the talisman of cleansing stood out to me, because I was not sure why it was there, in the middle of nowhere with only an altar. If you have detail points to spare, consider sprucing this area up to make it a more elaborate shrine.

- any reason you have Robert vanish during the quest, and reappear after? Not a problem, just does not seem necessary.

- Great dialogue animations for Robert. Also, I love the dog house.

- The family resemblance between Nikolai and his father were definitely there. Nice touch.

Nikolai: "abdoman" should be "abdomen"

- The response to "you're not a demon" by the player was funny. But made doubly so because I was a tiefling .

- love the fire effect on the bridge

- love how the plot thickens with the NPC that does appear after the boss fight.

Nikolai (in tavern) "listenes" should be "listens"
Nikolai (in tavern) "explanation" is misspelled - I forget how.

Hope this is helpful. I had a lot of fun playing, and I really did dig the twist at the end. Look forward to part two.

eskarine

mrthebozer wrote: »

- Loved the questionable dinner option. I kind of wish something more stemmed for it - too bad there's no way to prompt an emote from the player character after completing a component - it would have been great if there was a way to show some ghastly reaction to the food.

I know, right? I was wondering if you can make player react somehow at interaction, but sadly, not even attempt to spawn a trap to loose some HP (as in, being poisoned) looked good.

- It would be cool if you added something to the description of the journal providing details of the demon it is supposed to have details about. Does not have to be much, but it would be a cool extra tidbit if a player decides to hold the mouse over the object before taking it.

Agree, and done.

- The fetch quests were a lot of running with only a few encounters along the straight paths between items. Monsters in the middle of the map don't mean much if the route takes the player around the border of the map. Consider placement, and perhaps also consider spawning additional encounters when an item is taken - a good way to show that the demons may be on to the player's plan, and make more effort as the player gets close to completing the collection.

The encounters in the middle of the map are optional - I quite like the optional ones myself, where you can choose if you want to fight or not.
But the spawning encounters upon gathering the items is a nice idea and I implemented it.

- The talisman of cleansing stood out to me, because I was not sure why it was there, in the middle of nowhere with only an altar. If you have detail points to spare, consider sprucing this area up to make it a more elaborate shrine.

Now that I played your quest I feel kind of ashamed about the bare map areas, lol. Added some stuff around it, should look ok now (I did max out the item limit too).

- Any reason you have Robert vanish during the quest, and reappear after? Not a problem, just does not seem necessary.

You can't use the same component twice and NPC fading away and appearing right back up looked jiffy to me, so I made him go inside to research stuff.

Fixed the typos and some dialogue options too. Thanks for the great feedback!

lumicakery

Hello, I'll gladly trade reviews with you .

eskarine

lumicakery wrote: »

Hello, I'll gladly trade reviews with you .

Sure thing, I can tackle it this evening, I believe.

myrmecoleon

If you're still looking for reviews, I'll happily do a run through and let you know any comments. Mine's in my sig.

eskarine

myrmecoleon wrote: »

If you're still looking for reviews, I'll happily do a run through and let you know any comments. Mine's in my sig.

Sure, if I don't get it around to it today, I'll go for it tommorow evening.

lumicakery

Hello, in my review I mentioned a lack of detail, but that was more for the crypt place. It didnt exactly spell demon hotspot you know what I mean. But the other areas were nice. Just thought I'd clear that up for you .

myrmecoleon

I just finished it, but I moved during the review pane! I'll run through it again soon.

The story, characters and touches of humour (e.g. the dinner, the various patrons in the roadside inn, a few of the dialogue choices) were great. I see most of the speech has been proofread and corrected too - I couldn't find many errors. The pacing was good (though the dungeon section felt a tiny bit longer than the other sections), and the combat difficulty was good. (I thought the combat was easy until I ran into the two Tortured Souls spawns and the Ood General - that snapped me back to attention very quickly!) A few more detailed comments below:

- This has been mentioned before, but "Talisman of clesning" should read "Talisman of cleansing". In Nikolai's dialogue, "eminating" should read "emanating".

- The detail in the inn and outdoors area were both good, though I thought the dungeon could use a bit more in the way of decor (e.g. on the walls). The decor for the final boss fight was good, though (I could never get those indoor brimstone effects to work).

- Which base encounter did you use for the shadow wolves? I've been trying to find one with the correct animation for a while, and those you used in the outdoors section worked very well! (I've been using spiderlings.)

- The Demon Overlord guarding the chest in the second teleport area was bugged for me - he appeared translucent, and didn't fight back when engaged. Maybe this was just a quirk on my run, though.

- I liked the costume design on the Demon Overlord and the Possessed Wizard - both looked very distinctive.

eskarine

myrmecoleon wrote: »

I just finished it, but I moved during the review pane! I'll run through it again soon.

The story, characters and touches of humour (e.g. the dinner, the various patrons in the roadside inn, a few of the dialogue choices) were great. I see most of the speech has been proofread and corrected too - I couldn't find many errors. The pacing was good (though the dungeon section felt a tiny bit longer than the other sections), and the combat difficulty was good. (I thought the combat was easy until I ran into the two Tortured Souls spawns and the Ood General - that snapped me back to attention very quickly!) A few more detailed comments below:

- This has been mentioned before, but "Talisman of clesning" should read "Talisman of cleansing". In Nikolai's dialogue, "eminating" should read "emanating".

- The detail in the inn and outdoors area were both good, though I thought the dungeon could use a bit more in the way of decor (e.g. on the walls). The decor for the final boss fight was good, though (I could never get those indoor brimstone effects to work).

- Which base encounter did you use for the shadow wolves? I've been trying to find one with the correct animation for a while, and those you used in the outdoors section worked very well! (I've been using spiderlings.)

- The Demon Overlord guarding the chest in the second teleport area was bugged for me - he appeared translucent, and didn't fight back when engaged. Maybe this was just a quirk on my run, though.

- I liked the costume design on the Demon Overlord and the Possessed Wizard - both looked very distinctive.

Thank you for a detailed review! I will correct typos and fix the demon overlord tommorow, as well as tackle the two quests for trade reviews (unfortunately, real life calls, can't play any more today :P)

The blasted dungeon decor is going to be the end of me - I didn't want to overpopulate it with items, plus dungeon decor is very limited in variety - and I had a specific vision of the lair
I do have another quest started and I will focus more on outdoor in that one, since it gives a bit more freedom.

The wolves encounters are regular wolf packmates, just re-skinned to shadow wolves: Werewolf - Melee - Easy, mob is called Wolf packmate (3).

eskarine

lumicakery wrote: »

Hello, I'll gladly trade reviews with you .

As I said in the quest review box, I am leaving my review here, since there was not enough space.

- The decor was nice, though after a bit I wished for something more than floating furniture (though I am not the one to boast here, after my generic dungeon).
- The story was well-thought and well-written.
- Are you aware that higher level players have higher difficulty in foundry quests? Frankly, I wanted to give you three stars (but didn't) just for that - the stacked encounters, man! Three waves of stacked normal, medium and hard mobs without time to rest, I was *this* close to dying at least 10 times as lv 54 cleric - I had to spam pots like crazy and there was no spawn point nearby! Jesus, if you wanted to make a nearly-impossible-to-beat encounter, you just made one. And it WAS solo difficulty.
- You need invisible walls at rock bridges - I was able to knock back 90% of the monsters off them. Frankly, I knocked back the final boss too, into the hole in the middle of map. Voila, instant win!
- That hole is another subject - I almost fell down because due to my camera angle I didn't see it at first. Again, where is the spawn point if you drop down?

---

myrmecoleon, tackling yours tommorow - I didn't get enough time to run two quests today since near the end of "Valerie's dream" server kicked me out and had to run it twice.

lumicakery

eskarine wrote: »

As I said in the quest review box, I am leaving my review here, since there was not enough space.

- The decor was nice, though after a bit I wished for something more than floating furniture (though I am not the one to boast here, after my generic dungeon).
- The story was well-thought and well-written.
- Are you aware that higher level players have higher difficulty in foundry quests? Frankly, I wanted to give you three stars (but didn't) just for that - the stacked encounters, man! Three waves of stacked normal, medium and hard mobs without time to rest, I was *this* close to dying at least 10 times as lv 54 cleric - I had to spam pots like crazy and there was no spawn point nearby! Jesus, if you wanted to make a nearly-impossible-to-beat encounter, you just made one. And it WAS solo difficulty.
- You need invisible walls at rock bridges - I was able to knock back 90% of the monsters off them. Frankly, I knocked back the final boss too, into the hole in the middle of map. Voila, instant win!
- That hole is another subject - I almost fell down because due to my camera angle I didn't see it at first. Again, where is the spawn point if you drop down?

---

myrmecoleon, tackling yours tommorow - I didn't get enough time to run two quests today since near the end of "Valerie's dream" server kicked me out and had to run it twice.

Thanks for that review I really appreciate it. After receiving several complaints about the difficulty, I have reduced the number of mobs for solo play. You were actually supposed to escape the third wave of the stacked encounters, (it was in the mission info, but maybe I should make it more known/obvious?) did you actually beat them o.0? The spawn point is all the way at the start, but I did include a teleporter that sends you to the room before the final boss. Thanks again .

eskarine

lumicakery wrote: »

Thanks for that review I really appreciate it. After receiving several complaints about the difficulty, I have reduced the number of mobs for solo play. You were actually supposed to escape the third wave of the stacked encounters, (it was in the mission info, but maybe I should make it more known/obvious?) did you actually beat them o.0? The spawn point is all the way at the start, but I did include a teleporter that sends you to the room before the final boss. Thanks again .

I did fight the third wave xD I felt so freaked out about the stacked encounters that I didn't even bother to read the quest objective xD

Did myrmecoleon's quest, open to trades now (will be able to do 1-2 max a day until weekend).

lunchtimenow

Very beautiful screenshots. Looking forward to playing this one.

eskarine

lunchtimenow wrote: »

Very beautiful screenshots. Looking forward to playing this one.

Thanks
Would you like me to review one of yours?

eskarine

*bump*

Still need playthroughs.

I would prefer if the quest you want me to review back for you wasn't a 100% dungeon crawler, but I will still do it if you want me to.

oortexplorer

I'll add this one to my list, got 8-10 lined up so it may take a couple of days but it will get done. Hopefully you can play mine in exchange, lighthearted comedy so a nice change of pace after all those dungeon crawlers.

(info in sig)

redneckronin

eskarine wrote: »

*bump*

Still need playthroughs.

I would prefer if the quest you want me to review back for you wasn't a 100% dungeon crawler, but I will still do it if you want me to.

Hi eskarine.

Just done a playthrough of 'A Wayward Child', left an in-game mini-review.

I know your quest is out of the Review stage, but there a few, very minor, things I took not of. I hope you don't mind if I mention them here.

1) On the "Robert's House" map there's a tree over by the Purification Herb that is almost totally out of the ground, its roots are all on display. This may be intentional on your part.

2) On the "Demon Lair" map, on the stone steps up to the first portal there's Wall Brazier that almost entirely blocks the stairway. If this is a moveable object it might be an idea to raise it a bit.

3) On "Demon Lair" map, just after talking to Marcus you get a "Leave Robert's House - Complete" message.

That was really all I could find that may need looking at.

I'm going to ask a question here.

How did you make it so we could collect the items (on Robert's House map) and then use them (to put in basket)?
I am trying to do something similar in Part 2 of my Campaign, and it gives me the "Task Alert" that "Each component can only be used once" (or something like that). I'd like to have the player collect three items then use them at a Camp Fire, so as not to clutter up bag space before moving on to the next part of the quest.

Anyway, thanks for a great little Quest there, I really wish there was a 4.5 Star rating, as I thought it perhaps deserved more than 4, but didn't quite make it to 5.


If you get the time to run through my Quest (in Sig) then that would be great, but no worries if not.

All The Best

caustic8

I'll start this in a few minutes and have a review soon. If you have a chance, please give mine a look. Thanks.

Code: NW-DA8O42CFF
Title: A Short Dig

rdxcyclo

Added this to our list of things to hate... Or love, depending on a number of factors like; number of bad guys vs number of good guys, how many words there are in your dialogues and your use of critter models.

But until we have time to make up our mind about which of our personalities reviews your quest, please consider adding the quest in our signature to your list of things to admire and enjoy.

caustic8

Thanks for making this quest. I had fun playing through it. Good dialog and challenging fights. Here are a few notes I took while playing. Some of these just might have been temporary bugs or glitches on my side. They might not be an indication of a problem.

When I returned to Robert after collecting the ingredients there was nothing to put them in. I was just interacting with open air and Robert wasn't there. He poofed into existence after I put everything in the basket. This might have just been a temporary bug.

With the entrance to the demon lair, I could see through the map behind the gate. If there is space in the map you might put a room behind the gate. Again, this might have just been a bug on my side.

The teleporters, one at the broken staircase and another later in the dungeon. There was nothing to click on. Maybe a bug.

The dungeon felt a little sparse. Some more decoration could liven the place up. It's a demon lair so maybe some dark shrines, torture devices, demonic statues etc. The final boss seemed a little anti-climactic. After fighting some of the re-costumed ogres already, the final boss just felt like another ogre. Maybe change his encounter type to another solo boss type encounter and/or give him a couple of minions.

saerrael

I'm currently playing this and can't help but wonder if you used blood stain items or the projected one (demon lair). They seem to be battling with the floor they are on and thought you might want feedback on that.

eskarine

redneckronin wrote: »

Hi eskarine.

Just done a playthrough of 'A Wayward Child', left an in-game mini-review.

I know your quest is out of the Review stage, but there a few, very minor, things I took not of. I hope you don't mind if I mention them here.

1) On the "Robert's House" map there's a tree over by the Purification Herb that is almost totally out of the ground, its roots are all on display. This may be intentional on your part.

2) On the "Demon Lair" map, on the stone steps up to the first portal there's Wall Brazier that almost entirely blocks the stairway. If this is a moveable object it might be an idea to raise it a bit.

3) On "Demon Lair" map, just after talking to Marcus you get a "Leave Robert's House - Complete" message.

That was really all I could find that may need looking at.

I'm going to ask a question here.

How did you make it so we could collect the items (on Robert's House map) and then use them (to put in basket)?
I am trying to do something similar in Part 2 of my Campaign, and it gives me the "Task Alert" that "Each component can only be used once" (or something like that). I'd like to have the player collect three items then use them at a Camp Fire, so as not to clutter up bag space before moving on to the next part of the quest.

Anyway, thanks for a great little Quest there, I really wish there was a 4.5 Star rating, as I thought it perhaps deserved more than 4, but didn't quite make it to 5.


If you get the time to run through my Quest (in Sig) then that would be great, but no worries if not.

All The Best

Thanks for the feedback, I will look into the things you mentioned. The brazier is unmocable, I'm afraid. I don't have Marcus NPC - did you mean Nikolai?

The baskets - you have to use each element only once - so I made the first basket disappear when you put in the first item (objective complete) and another basket spawn in it's place immidiately afterwards, so it seems like it's still one object.

Left review of your quest on your thread.

redneckronin

eskarine wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback, I will look into the things you mentioned. The brazier is unmocable, I'm afraid. I don't have Marcus NPC - did you mean Nikolai?

The young boy after you kill the last "skeletal" Boss has the name Marcus in one of his interactions. I am 100% certain of it.

eskarine wrote: »

The baskets - you have to use each element only once - so I made the first basket disappear when you put in the first item (objective complete) and another basket spawn in it's place immidiately afterwards, so it seems like it's still one object.

Left review of your quest on your thread.

Oh, so its the Campfire I can only use once, not the created items. Thank you so much, I'm starting to understand the "Foundry Subterfuge" now.

Thanks for the review.

All The Best

eskarine

redneckronin wrote: »

The young boy after you kill the last "skeletal" Boss has the name Marcus in one of his interactions. I am 100% certain of it.

Yep, leave it to me not to remember names of my own NPCs *dies in shame*