Mind of Darkness Part 1-Need Reviews. Will review in return.

ovaltine74

This quest has a new name, it was formally called, Stomach of Darkness, but the community was kind enough to nudge me into changing it. I am always open to suggestions like that.

This is a story heavy quest, lots of dialogue, so I just want you to know that right away. It is long, 45 min to complete.

Skipping through dialogue has a price. No apologies if you get stuck.

The quest is inspired by Joseph Conrad's Classic Novel Heart of Darkness. You take the role of a ship captain who is hired to venture up river into the wilderness. Your mission is to locate a man named Kurtz and discover what has happened to him. You will quickly discover that this journey will test your sanity and may even cost you your life.

Along the way you will encounter interesting characters; some of them will become your allies. Unexpected twists and turns, challenging boss fights, and deep story are the things I hope you will enjoy about this quest.

To celebrate the new name I have reworked the preview video for part one.

Click here to watch the new Video

bloodfuri

I would very much like to have my quests reviewed. The first is a the prequel to the main campaign, and would definately suggest doing it first, as it gives some background story.

A Killer Deal: NW-DPN3X7IYW

Campaign: Darkness and Divinity: NWS-DOUHWAXOU
Part I: A Friend in Need: NW-DBTLBCSPE
Part II: Dreams of Darkness: Coming Soon!
Part III: Midnight Sacrifice: Coming Soon!


Thank you in advance!

ovaltine74

A Killer Deal: NW-DPN3X7IYW

I gave it four stars.

It was bug free and probably a good one for the daily.

The story was alright. Though I have seen some very similar plots in other foundry quests.

I would suggest a little more detail in the environment. Clean the forest of random scraggly stuff and give it some character. You really got to put a lot of time in the environments to get your quest to stand out. There was a recent thread that talked about environmental design. You might be interested in that.

Need more detail on the interior of the warehouse. it is a warehouse. Pack of full of stuff.

The boss before you get to the final boss is actually tougher. I would consider beefing up the final boss.

givearandomname

loging in now will give it a go mineis nw-dcjwwfvmd

vaelic

givearandomname wrote: »

loging in now will give it a go mineis nw-dcjwwfvmd

added to my review queue! here is my quest info:



Campaign Name: CH. 1 - Don't "Count" on it by @vaelic76



Short Code:NW-DQ3H4MXKG
Mission Type: Story/Mystery/Combat
Average Duration:15-20 minutes
Amount of Combat: Average
Starts at: Protector's Enclave
Mission Summary: A mysterious figure called "The Count" is rumored to dwell within the city of Protector's Enclave. Does this mysterious figure exist? Embark on an adventure where nothing is as it seems and the mystery unravels!



Direct Links:
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/vizionblind/Foundry1_zps5e94d9b0.jpg
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/vizionblind/foundry2_zps4c201571.jpg

*SPECIAL NOTE: should the window pop-up asking you to review/rate dissapear (known bug if you move when it pops up), type this command to bring it back: /ugcshowreviewgen

ovaltine74

I think I already reviewed the count quest. In fact I know I did.

givearandomname

i rember rewviewing the old one of these still a good story the dialogues were improved only a few of them I could't see the responses the flow was good the traps in the nightmare portion still were a problem got stuck on the 3rd one and had to /killme to get off it.

was severl typos and other errors in the dialogue other thing i encountered was in the jail got agro from one of the mobs in the cells and could not open the door to the cell just zoned back into inn to clear it so was not an issue

only sugestion I would make is instead of the white and yellow dialoge text I would make the the player responses a clickable response would make reading it easier and less confuseing on severl of the convo's wasn't sure who was saying what.all in all enjoyed it gave it a 4

hflord1

NW-DONEPB9CK Pallisade's Horror

Give mine a run if you like. I'll review yours now.

ovaltine74

Have already reviewed temple of mysteria as well.

hflord1

Speaking to little Buddy - after two evil choices "he sends raw Adamantine that obtains"...should be "that he obtains".
When protecting the Hapless Victims 0/9 - some of the mobs ended up in a wall somewhere, cannot find them to complete the quest.

Am staying logged in there running around, hope it will help. Want to finish this one.

ovaltine74

givearandomname wrote: »

i rember rewviewing the old one of these still a good story the dialogues were improved only a few of them I could't see the responses the flow was good the traps in the nightmare portion still were a problem got stuck on the 3rd one and had to /killme to get off it.

was severl typos and other errors in the dialogue other thing i encountered was in the jail got agro from one of the mobs in the cells and could not open the door to the cell just zoned back into inn to clear it so was not an issue

only sugestion I would make is instead of the white and yellow dialoge text I would make the the player responses a clickable response would make reading it easier and less confuseing on severl of the convo's wasn't sure who was saying what.all in all enjoyed it gave it a 4

Yeah that the spike traps are a glitch caused by the game.

The making all the white text clickable options would be pretty much starting over, so that isn't going to happen. Besides, you know how many times you would have to click the screen if I did that? Think of all the dialog screens you saw. Now imagine having to click every time you saw white text. Your arm would cramp up before you finished half the quest.

I thought it was pretty clear, perhaps not at first. White text is you talking, yellow text is NPCs talking, Blue text is your thoughts. I never really explain that, but I think most figure it out rather quickly. It isn't a standard way of doing it, but different isn't a bad thing. Really the only difference is you don't have to click the screen, you can just keep reading.

ovaltine74

hflord1 wrote: »

Speaking to little Buddy - after two evil choices "he sends raw Adamantine that obtains"...should be "that he obtains".
When protecting the Hapless Victims 0/9 - some of the mobs ended up in a wall somewhere, cannot find them to complete the quest.

Am staying logged in there running around, hope it will help. Want to finish this one.

Did you speak to the people by the inn? If not, they might be able to point you in the direction of the mobs you were looking for. I am pretty sure the last two mobs you were looking for are named Preacher and Hex, they are Captain Trillian's Body Guards. Find him, and you find them.

lumicakery

Hello, could you try out mine as well? I'll gladly check out yours
Mine is in my sig

bloodfuri

Thank you for your review, will check yours out tonight

mosby1

Just finished and reviewed it. Wow! 5 stars for sure.

I was mainly playing it to see your blackout effect (so I could add to the DM's Studio - NW-DHZ5DAV4R), and that was incredibly well done. The dream sequence was excellent too. The endless hallway was perfect for the dream. The dialogue was quite extensive, but you did warn us. I like how you alternated white/yellow to simulate dialogue without the need to for actual responses.

I did notice a few typos and such:
- prey should be pray
- that +he+ obtains
- "Thank Shirley" is a fake and real response, just need one
- "to see" should be "to sea"
- "your hiring" should be "you're hiring"
- find -the- her (talking about Captain Gosse)
- find -the- she
- Gosse is spelled Grosse once (quest title)
- sarcasim is spelled wrong
- braun is spelled wrong
- strait is spelled wrong

Looking forward to part 2!

ps. Please review mine (in the sig) if you get a chance, thanks!

ovaltine74

Valerie's Dream
NW-DRML9PPOT

I liked it, gave it five stars and a tip. Dreams with floating furniture often appear in movies, books, and television shows, but to be honest, the furniture in my dreams doesn't do that. It works though. Nicely done.

bloodfuri

I have edited my first quest. Hopefully taking into consideration some of the feedback given. Try it again if you get the chance.

A Killer Deal: NW-DPN3X7IYW

ovaltine74

Update: Thank you for the reviews guys. Based on your feedback I have made a few minor changes.

Fixed some spelling errors.

Added a job board right at the beginning of the quest that explains how the dialogue works. Hopefully this will help people get into the story quicker, with less confusion.

Still working on part 2, but have contracted some weird nasty cold/flu hybrid. I will get to reviewing your quests, just need some rest.

Thanks again for the reviews and your suggestions.

ovaltine74

DM's Studio - NW-DHZ5DAV4R

Not quite sure what to think of this one. I open a chest, then I go to a black out sequence and end up in a room with no apparent exit. There are bricks protruding from the wall that I can climb on, but they appear to lead nowhere. I could not proceed any further. Very little explanation in the sealed room. I like the Idea of an FX tutorial, but it was not done very well.

ovaltine74

The Cursed Emerald: Weird of the Weather-witch -- NW-DEZAK4QPA
Review the post below yours



Got as far as the caves and when I had to clear the vicinity of enemies, there was an ogre stuck high up on a wall and I couldn't reach him to complete that part of the quest.

As far as the story goes, I thought it was okay, but the emerald necklace and the witch just got brought up out of nowhere and the NPC referred to it in a way that seemed like I was supposed to know what he was talking about, but I don't. Probably should introduce that element of the plot a little better. All In all, it looks like an interesting quest. Wish I could have finished it to see where you were going with it.

ovaltine74

Update: I am recovering from illness, which has slowed the progress of part 2, but I think the setback will actually benefit the story quite a bit. Because I was forced to slow down, I have had more time to think about the story and what I aim to do in part two.

In part one I think I was able to get the players curious about where the story was going, but in part two I must do what no other MMO quest has ever done for me. I must try and get the player to become emotionally involved in the story.

This is difficult to do. It has to be planned and slowly brought about. The story must grip the player in a way that they actually feel the impending dread as it unfolds. They must care about the characters and their well being. They must feel angry when their character becomes angry. They must feel helpless when their character feels helpless. I can't recall any quest that was ever able to do that. I have experienced this in books and film but never in an mmo quest. My quest is more like a book than an actual quest, so I think I may have an opportunity to pull this off.

If I can get an emotional response from players, that will be a success. Part two will have some emotional scenes. I will try my best to wrench emotion from the players during the quest. In fact that will be my primary goal in part two. If the reviews in part two reflect that, I will be very pleased.

oortexplorer

Sounds really interesting. Have added it to my list and will play within the next couple of days. Hopefully you will return the favour and play mine. (info in sig)

ovaltine74

Update: I am not on moving as quickly into the second part as I thought I would. I think it is because I did so well on the first part. I don't want to mess up the second part. I went to the library and read through several books on Conrad. I read things about Marlow and Kurtz trying to understand what the true conflict in the story is and how I can translate it into my story in a way that makes sense for everyone.

Heart of Darkness is not light reading. Go to a bookstore and find Heart of Darkness on the shelf, next to it will be half a dozen other books that do nothing but help you make heads or tales of Heart of Darkness. It requires a bit of translation for it to make sense to 90% of gamers out there. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing when I wrote my version of it.

The progress of the quest I would imagine is about 1/4 done. A few encounters completed, two or three maps in the bare bones state. But I think I am more prepared to tell the story than I was when I was at this point in part one. I know where I am going with it. I have a clear picture in my mind as to what part two is supposed to look like.

Just spent the last few hours arranging the music score for Part two's video preview. I think it is pretty epic. It is a few seconds longer than the first part, and I think it sounds better, but it is new. The new ones always sound good to me. Won't spoil it by posting it for you to listen to. I will wait until I am ready to make the video and show it off then. It is a visual piece and it needs the visuals to go with it.

Next thing I will be working on is the Central Station Mine. There are a few effects shots in there I have in mind, not quite sure how I am going to pull them off yet. But in my mind....they are awesome! lol

Alright, back to work.

ovaltine74

The above image is the first screenshot for Part 2 of Mind of Darkness. It shows a section of the Central Station Mine. The large dungeon players will have to survive in order to complete part 2.

The mining operation at central station was briefly mentioned in Heart of Darkness. Marlow was especially displeased with all the explosions and mistreatment of the workers. He thought it all senseless. Not much to go on for our mine, but I have placed quite a bit of thought into its design...so stop worrying.

My first concern in creating a dungeon is that players are not having to backtrack because of the design and not because they missed something. So if you don't miss something, you should be able to avoid backtracking in this mine. That line of thought got me to thinking about how a mine is actually laid out. A real one. Sure it would be simple enough to chain some caves together and slap sown some tracks and have a bunch of sweaty NPCs banging on rocks here and there. That would certainly convey that it is a mine. But are real mines that simple.

I don't think they are. The central station mine in my story is an old mine. It has been there awhile and they don't get as much out of it as they use to. Because it is old, they have developed a system of getting miners in, and getting product out. It is organized. I want players to see that as they move from one area of the mine to the next. Things are in places that one would imagine they should be. No random dwarfs beating on rocks just for scenery. This is an active real place that is designed to make money for the Commission (The Corporate bad guys I invented for the story).

No I want to have that sense of realism to the place, but I also want it to feel fantastic or "unreal" at the same time. This is fantasy after all. It certainly will not be like any dungeon I have played in the game so far.

I spend a lot of time on my maps. I feel the map tells a great deal of the story. I think a lot of foundry authors get the bare bones out on the map and just begin sliding all the other quest elements in. Not me. The map has to be done before I place one NPC on it or write one line of dialogue for the map. I think about how I can design this standard room in a way that the person walking into it will not recognize it, even if they are a foundry author. I don't think I have pulled that off yet, but in this dungeon I think I will come close. There will be some very unique looking rooms.

Also when I design I like it when unintended things happen. (Here is where I try and pass on my little tips, like I am someone to give tips to people. Jeez.) For some people, most perhaps, their first instinct is to delete the unintended thing and try again. For me I pause and think how I can make this unintended outcome look intentional. Often times by just taking that pause and thinking of it that way you come up with some really great ideas. That thing you could have just deleted turns out to make the entire difference in the environment. Oh well, something to keep in mind the next time you curse the screen. You might have just accidently did something good.

Alright, back to it.

ovaltine74

Well there is the second preview image for part two. Showing the work I have done near the beginning of the mine. This is where the tracks divide and head to separate parts of the mine. The way I have designed it, it doesn't matter which way you go. It will all loop back around to the beginning anyway. Sort of like a theme park ride.

Speaking of themes. I am going to try and stick with purple and orange for the predominant colors in the mine. So tempting to tell you what you are going to be doing down there, but I'll just leave you with the screenshot for now. More to come.

ovaltine74

Still down in the mine, but currently working on top secret parts of the mine that I will not discuss or show images of....lol. Instead I will show a picture of a map the was in part one, slightly different because it is the night version of Central Station. People liked this map the most and the reason was simple, I spent the most time on it of all the maps. The map returns in Part 2 and while you might be thinking that is kind of boring. Who wants to play the same map again. Trust me, it will be a whole new experience. I wanted you to see it in the daytime in part one so there will be no whining in part two when I turn the lights off and have things attack you.

One of the first things people will notice right away is that Central Station at night is dark....very dark. Many commented in part one how I obscured your view from things that would attack you. It was frustrating to some and challenging to others. It was designed to be challenging. In part two I will use whatever I can do to hide enemies and surprise you around every corner. I want to keep you on your toes throughout the entire quest.

Sorry I didn't show something a little more unfamiliar, but trust me, the mine is coming along nicely. Think fun.

oortexplorer

Part 1 really is fantastic. A groundbreaking quest, to take a known story and make it work so well in this format is impressive. Then there's the characters, environments, and gameplay (that was one helluva tough battle in the hallway, made even more epic by the set design). All top-notch.

I really don't have a lot to critique here, I think you've got most of the bugs worked out. I noticed 1 or 2 typos but they were minor, can't even remember what they were. Definitely a good idea to add that board in the beginning to clarify things. I did get stuck with the trap in the doorway for a short while, I can see that it could be an issue, but I was able to get out and it just added to the claustrophobic, dreamlike nature of the scene.

I can see why you're taking your time with Part 2, it'll be tough to match this one.

Fantastic job. 5/5

ovaltine74

oortexplorer wrote: »

Part 1 really is fantastic. A groundbreaking quest, to take a known story and make it work so well in this format is impressive. Then there's the characters, environments, and gameplay (that was one helluva tough battle in the hallway, made even more epic by the set design). All top-notch.

I really don't have a lot to critique here, I think you've got most of the bugs worked out. I noticed 1 or 2 typos but they were minor, can't even remember what they were. Definitely a good idea to add that board in the beginning to clarify things. I did get stuck with the trap in the doorway for a short while, I can see that it could be an issue, but I was able to get out and it just added to the claustrophobic, dreamlike nature of the scene.

I can see why you're taking your time with Part 2, it'll be tough to match this one.

Fantastic job. 5/5

Glad you enjoyed it. The trap in the hall is a game bug, hopefully they will fix that soon. I'll be sure to check out yours in the next day or so. I think part 2 will actually be better than part one. The Central Station Mine will be unlike anything you have seen in the game so far. I am sure of that.

ovaltine74

All's Fair in Love and War
Code: NW-DJ5BFT52F
Author: @oortexplorer
Now eligible for Daily Foundry!

This was a very enjoyable quest. I thought the characters were interesting and the ending was perfect. I gave it five stars. I considered four stars right up until the end because of some flaws in the environment design, but I thought the ending was so good that it deserved a five star rating. I got a thing for good story quests. I can overlook design problems in the environment if the story interests me. I really enjoyed the wizard in the street who was in the wrong quest. That was brilliant. Also this is the first quest where I have encountered "clones", more sci-fi related and are not typically a fantasy thing, but I knew I would eventually encounter them. Kinda nit picky, but I am sure there is fantasy nomenclature for the same thing if you research it a bit. Or leave it alone, maybe nobody will care.

Some things I would work on.

There are some very strange objects in the environment. I look at them and wonder why they are there? I am not going to specifically point any one of them out, but some more logical placement of objects in the environment is needed. Would spend some serious time on that.

A tip for human interior doors. There are two human doors available. One is a fake door the does not open, the other opens and closes. For a really good human interior door to the outside. Change the area of the wall that has the door to a wall section that has the door hole. Then place the fake door on it. Then use an invisible clicky for the map transition. If you are careful, and position everything precisely, it looks more natural than what you currently have.

vuelhering

I only got about halfway through (if that) and my computer crashed.... starting to run into overheating issues.

I'm enjoying the storytelling.

Couple typos: Greatful peasants should be Grateful. Little buddy says "hugginging".

I was having trouble finding the cells where the sailor was locked up, and then it crashed.

Otherwise, looked really good.

ovaltine74

Thanks for pointing out the typos. I have been cleaning them up as people see them. With all the dialogue and named characters, you would be surprised how easy it is to miss a few spelling errors. I did run it through a word processor to check for spelling and grammar, but even that doesn't catch everything. Good to have foundry authors who can proof your work for you.

I will get to your quests today. I love Monty Python, so I am looking forward to it.