Thank you for the great input. I made almost all changes you suggested. I will renumber the dwarf slaves later on. Also I cannot find a way to have the item (skull, etc.) vanish during a dialogue (where they are used)...I did for the things like a key and such though. I cannot thank you enough.
Everyone else that gave reviews or input I appreciate it greatly. I'm still working on yours, getting more of them in tomorrow.
A small dwarvish grudge: NW-DUI8A8I7R
Author name: @cphonx
Solo
about 20 min.
Story and combat. Some humor.
Try my missions:
A Small Dwarvish Grudge: NW-DUI8A8I7R
The Brink of Disaster: NW-DFDJKW9QF (Still in beta)
0
auricklemtMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 27Arc User
edited May 2013
Here's a bit of feedback for you. I've tried to be comprehensive while also offering constructive criticism for how to make it better.
1) There should be the appearance of an exit behind where you zone into the map. It's a little odd to just find yourself teleported into the corner of a dungeon. Even though that's what's actually happening, your character didn't really do so if the world was real. The illusion of realism helps "sell" the adventure.
2) Your dialogue is well written from the standpoint of establishing character. Meeks speaks like one would expect a goblin to speak. Tighten the spelling up a bit and for the OOC text, watch your grammar. It's fine for a goblin to sound illiterate, but not the DM. (Not that you sound that way -- it could just benefit from a little polish.) Most of the dialogue through the adventure had little typos here and there.
3) I'd recommend moving the bag with Meeks' token just a little bit. When you talk to an NPC, the game forces you to be right in front of him. Where you placed the bag was convenient from where you're standing after the conversation, except that Meeks is in the way and you end up talking to him again. But unless you're paying close attention, you think you'd used the bag with confusing results. Moving the bag to where you can't accidentally talk to him will fix that.
4) If you do talk to Meeks again, he acts like he's never met you before. I'd rework that dialogue a bit so that he can still convey any additional info but doesn't sound like he has short term memory loss!
5) The warrens really don't look lived in at all. A torch here and a mushroom there is all well and good but where do they sleep? Where's their food? What do they do all day other than stare at the walls? (For that matter, how do the mushrooms grow so well on bare stone flooring? You've got a huge budget for detail objects. Use it!
6) When talking to the Duergar Miner and showing him the head, he yells to run away -- but then he just stands there, waiting for you to talk to him again. At the very least, make him disappear when the conversation ends.
7) The end fight is buggy. Everything you defeat just stands around and never de-spawns. Maybe you have a setting wrong in the Encounter options? I'm guessing you have it set as fight to submission, after which you're able to talk to him again for the final dialogue. The problem with that is it applies to the entire encounter; you can't set the other mobs to different values. The solution is to give them all the standard attack but have another copy of the boss as a placed NPC, set to become visible upon completion of the encounter. For that matter, you could leave the submission setting, but also add an If so that the encounter turns invisible when complete, at the same time that the final NPC becomes visible.
All told, you have the framework for a very good adventure. It just needs some additional polish.
I hope that helps you out. Please do review my adventure as well!
Oops! Just found out there's a second act. I'll continue below:
A) The environment for the Underdark has more attention to detail. That's good! Did you use each room's option to populate them, or did you do it yourself? Either way, it's a big improvement over the previous area.
All the slave chains are named "Slave Chain 1". It's also odd to have them numbered in reverse order from where you encounter them. (They were "Free the slaves" III, II, IV and I, respectively.) Similarly, the boxes containing the hats all had default names.
C) Copying text from H.P. Lovecraft and then citing him is an homage to an author you obviously like but badly out of place in Faerun.
D) Watch your created items! By this point in the adventure I was up to 6 inventory slots being taken up, mostly with items that were required for earlier steps and should have been consumed upon use. Remember that most players don't have bags up the wazoo and inventory slots quickly start coming at a premium.
E) The "Go to next map" box at the end could better be "Return to Protector's Enclave".
Again, please take these criticisms in the spirit in which they're intended. You have a great start here. Keep polishing it!
Foundry Campaign: The Stars of Desolation
Adapted from "The Desert of Desolation" by Tracy and Laura Hickman
Comments
Thank you for the great input. I made almost all changes you suggested. I will renumber the dwarf slaves later on. Also I cannot find a way to have the item (skull, etc.) vanish during a dialogue (where they are used)...I did for the things like a key and such though. I cannot thank you enough.
Everyone else that gave reviews or input I appreciate it greatly. I'm still working on yours, getting more of them in tomorrow.
Author name: @cphonx
Solo
about 20 min.
Story and combat. Some humor.
A Small Dwarvish Grudge: NW-DUI8A8I7R
The Brink of Disaster: NW-DFDJKW9QF (Still in beta)
1) There should be the appearance of an exit behind where you zone into the map. It's a little odd to just find yourself teleported into the corner of a dungeon. Even though that's what's actually happening, your character didn't really do so if the world was real. The illusion of realism helps "sell" the adventure.
2) Your dialogue is well written from the standpoint of establishing character. Meeks speaks like one would expect a goblin to speak. Tighten the spelling up a bit and for the OOC text, watch your grammar. It's fine for a goblin to sound illiterate, but not the DM. (Not that you sound that way -- it could just benefit from a little polish.) Most of the dialogue through the adventure had little typos here and there.
3) I'd recommend moving the bag with Meeks' token just a little bit. When you talk to an NPC, the game forces you to be right in front of him. Where you placed the bag was convenient from where you're standing after the conversation, except that Meeks is in the way and you end up talking to him again. But unless you're paying close attention, you think you'd used the bag with confusing results. Moving the bag to where you can't accidentally talk to him will fix that.
4) If you do talk to Meeks again, he acts like he's never met you before. I'd rework that dialogue a bit so that he can still convey any additional info but doesn't sound like he has short term memory loss!
5) The warrens really don't look lived in at all. A torch here and a mushroom there is all well and good but where do they sleep? Where's their food? What do they do all day other than stare at the walls? (For that matter, how do the mushrooms grow so well on bare stone flooring? You've got a huge budget for detail objects. Use it!
6) When talking to the Duergar Miner and showing him the head, he yells to run away -- but then he just stands there, waiting for you to talk to him again. At the very least, make him disappear when the conversation ends.
7) The end fight is buggy. Everything you defeat just stands around and never de-spawns. Maybe you have a setting wrong in the Encounter options? I'm guessing you have it set as fight to submission, after which you're able to talk to him again for the final dialogue. The problem with that is it applies to the entire encounter; you can't set the other mobs to different values. The solution is to give them all the standard attack but have another copy of the boss as a placed NPC, set to become visible upon completion of the encounter. For that matter, you could leave the submission setting, but also add an If so that the encounter turns invisible when complete, at the same time that the final NPC becomes visible.
All told, you have the framework for a very good adventure. It just needs some additional polish.
I hope that helps you out. Please do review my adventure as well!
Oops! Just found out there's a second act. I'll continue below:
A) The environment for the Underdark has more attention to detail. That's good! Did you use each room's option to populate them, or did you do it yourself? Either way, it's a big improvement over the previous area.
C) Copying text from H.P. Lovecraft and then citing him is an homage to an author you obviously like but badly out of place in Faerun.
D) Watch your created items! By this point in the adventure I was up to 6 inventory slots being taken up, mostly with items that were required for earlier steps and should have been consumed upon use. Remember that most players don't have bags up the wazoo and inventory slots quickly start coming at a premium.
E) The "Go to next map" box at the end could better be "Return to Protector's Enclave".
Again, please take these criticisms in the spirit in which they're intended. You have a great start here. Keep polishing it!
Adapted from "The Desert of Desolation" by Tracy and Laura Hickman