[UGC] The Tomb of Valkere

geoff873

ID: NW-DOA69HDRT
Author: Geoff8733
Tags: #Combat, some #exploration, #story and #humor

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Legend says that the Tomb of the fabled city of Valkere contains the accumulated wealth of the kingdom, such was the people's love for their king. Long since lost to history, the location of the tomb is yet a mystery to be solved. Surely those who succeed would be showered in wealth beyond their most fervant dreams.

Or at least 'Legend' according to overpaid bards that see the inside of a tavern more than they see the tombs of fallen kings. Still, should an enterprising individual find the famed tomb then they could make a pretty penny off those same stories. Getting one over on the pretty boy bards would just be a bonus.

A mix of dialog and combat. Trap heavy in parts, with some mild exploration sections. Some good natured mocking of Bards.

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Anyone fancy giving this a spin and letting me know what you think. My first quest, so it might be a bit basic in structure.

lanessar13

Review: Wizard's Challenge

Summary

Ah, the old tomb-delves of yore. This quest brings to mind the Tomb of Horrors, Shrine of Toamachan, and several of the greats from the pre-SSI "Eye of the Beholder" types. Brought to glorious life. Good combination of outdoor and indoor maps, which were well-designed, eyecatching and while not as detailed as other offerings, really made it enjoyable.

Technical points

The only technical points I have were spelling errors. Listed below.

• Barmaid Text: After his victory... surveyed this geat land (should be great)
• Barmaid Text: They say that the tomb.... lost to the annuls (should be annals)
• Sage Text: The upheaval that acursed (should be accursed)

Artistic points

I get that the serving girl was hearing a bard, and heard of old tales and lands long dead. It was just a bit disconcerting that she knew more about the events than the sage you see later in the story. I'd have her be the overall "teaser", and then when you ask for details, she recommends you find the sage. Instead of "find a sage" and "consult a sage", go for individuality - "Find the Sage Theoros".

When you leave the Tavern, you end up walking quite a ways to get to the sage. Then, leaving the sage, you move them from the sage's door to a forest map. My suggestion here is to use a door closer to the Tavern for the sage, and then have the person travel through PE to the gate to get to the forest. The continuity will flow better, and makes for better immersion.

Minor gripe: All of the mobs used are generic, same-as-default names. Do a pass, make some unique costumes. do that for the undead as well. Valkere is awesomely made, as are your other custom NPCs, so make sure the mobs are done just as well. I'd love to see a few lieutenant ghosts, as well, because I slaughtered them with a chilll strike. Getting in was far too easy. Make me work a bit more for it (like the fight out).

Add a quest point to kill orcs or something (because I was heading toward a tomb, walk through the sage's door, and then I'm fighting orcs - what?) At least set a message when you arrive like:

"DM: As you arrive to the surrounds of the Tomb's location, you see that the Tribe of the Bloody Hand has settled in the vale. A fight lies ahead of you to..."

Final nitpick: You go down the stairs, hear fighting and immediately have to go up the stairs. I'd put an encounter at the bottom of the stairs, a memorable one (I might have had one, but just killed them so quickly I can't remember).

I loved the way that you incorporated another adventuring group competing. That they can help you along the way a bit (even if it's very minor), superb touch. After the tomb is defiled, they're all dying, very cool immersion.

In a perfect world...

There should be an option which just allows you to fight the competing group, instead of having them along with. Consider it an alternate quest path. Also, another cave with an orc chieftain would be incredibly awesome, as in a perfect side-quest.

Another option is to have the group turn against you, at the end of the tomb, once you've located the treasure. Zing! Yeah, I was sort of waiting for that, honestly

unrealuk

Will try this later on

unrealuk

Would like to say this quest was outstanding. I'm not sure what I was expecting from it before I went in, but I was surprised and exhilarated by the end. Very creative use of props, the custom zone was great considering some of the annoying Foundry limitations - it reminded me of some of LOTRO's zones - but the pace is the real standout treat. There's a growing sense of "Oh, HAMSTER, we shouldn't be here!" culminating in a great gauntlet run of undead with the lovely touch of an audience of yet further legions of undead watching from both sides.

I could nitpick about some spelling errors here and there, but when the final product is so fun, I don't really care, and I'm sure you know about them anyway.

MOAR PLZ. (ahem)

kamaliicious

There doesn't seem to be any logic about why the camp guards are hostile when you approach.
You are told to "find a way in" to the ruins, but it didn't take any finding.
It wasn't clear why she was upstairs when I was downstairs, as she didn't follow me through the ruins.

geoff873

Awesome feedback guys

Just been playing about with branching quest paths for another quest I'm working on so I might go back and add something like that to the forest section. I'll also rejig some of the fights so they incorporate your suggestions.

geoff873

Just published a content update to my quest.

Added the ability to bypass some of the fights with a bit of exploration. Rejigged the tomb encounters to be more consistent with the overarching narrative.