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New Quest - Pact of Darkness
wilsonstone
Member Posts: 8 Arc User
I've published my new mission "Pact of Darkness" and as always I'd appreciate constructive critiques. It's the tale of aa man that seemingly comes back from the dead to right a wrong done to him. (from his perspective) Thanks in advance for those who try it.
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- A World of Wonder ( NWS-DAT9OXYQL )
- Easterden Horror ( NW-DTIKVUOC3 )
Since Cyrus is supposed to be super evil and killed Jagar instead of the cautious hunched look around animation he should be showing more confidence.
Probably a couple of spelling mistakes but my eye can't pick up the subtle text.
Not sure if its your style but I suggest breaking up sentences Even with periods, a long stretch of white text just feels like 1 huge sentence. Use some spaces to simulate a realistic pause if the person was talking? Not gunna lie, I have trouble reading lore dialogue, paragraph loads, it just goes on and on without any breaks. But thats just me.
My hamster brain can't process anything more than 2-3 sentences per chat window. Long dialogues feel like it kinda ruins the pacing of the scenes. So my suggestion I guess is to break down long winded paragraphs into bite sized chunks and omit any unnecessary hubbub.
Like they say, people read faster if they don't need to track the words. If the sentence is squished between a white avalanche of text their reading speed slows down.
Add indents, add more dialogue boxes so you can use more talking animations to keep the energy going. Those 1 time use emotes finish and then the npc is just standing there while you sit and read for 40 seconds.
Next is.... MORE DETAIL! Can't go wrong with detail. The more you add the higher the quality of quest.
I believe people will take your quest a bit more seriously and start paying attention if they believe it to be higher quality. So throw in alot of detail, make sure no one can recognize those generic premade maps. The players have seen them hundreds of times and just because NPCs are different or maybe theres an extra barrel, it still makes them go "UGHHH" or something like that.
Make it so they be like "oh this looks new" You gotta wow them as soon as they come in or they gunna go into zombie mode.
So like ask yourself questions. What kind of people live in this area. Like those toe cutter orcs. The orc wall has a hole in it next to the mountain!
No self respecting orc would leave a gap like that! They live here but where are the beds? tents? food necessities? Are they a warring tribe? Would they have spiked barricades in front? Sentries? etc. Where is their bathroom area? I'm just a stickler for small stuff like that I guess lol.
Rotate the orc fence walls to conform with the landscape so theres no floating bits. NPC wild animals running about in forest? yes please!
And then again, personally. I would recostume all the orcs to look different and give them unique names. While giving realistic patrol areas to make them more believable that they live in this area and have a goal aside from walking in circles.
Maybe some side banter about their orc lives. Basically, make it so that this place existed before you arrive. They didn't "spawn" just for you to kill them but have been living their entire lives up to this moment for you to slay. Thats my motto
Some mobs are hard to find. I had to run around in a loop 3 times to find that 1 troll runt in the forest walking between a fence. Mobs should always be front and center or in vision or the player would start wandering around and squeeze into places they shouldn't be. That area bubble has lead me to my death or falling out of a foundry map more than once. Not your quest but other quests.
The keep looks kinda weird. Maybe spruce it up a little lol. Like what kinda keep is on a slopped hill with just grass and no stonework foundations! UNACCEPTABLE! Lol. AND THOSE BLACKKEEP WALLS! Its so chunky! They need to connect! No mason would build like that! Just 3 walls with no towers at the end.
What kind of architect built this place! (in lore, not actually "you" the author) Like some human guy in this world showed up here and decided that 5 horse pulled carts of stone should be spent on building this random 3 block wall in the middle of no where, and its lop sided and uneven.
In Earharts home make it so the teleport to drake black raven is inaccessible. While looking for the 3 foulspawn groups to kill i went down into the basement, came up, went upstairs, went downstairs, came back to the front and then killed the last group.
The groups should be visible so they are delt with first, then proceed to the scared prisoners in the basement.
If its out of order it'll throw off the immersion. Before I even beated the final boss I accidentally teleported to the inn. You can't make a teleporter show up at a certain time in the quest, its always there so you need to work around this by adjusting the house to suit your needs. Put a wall on the side to hide it from view and creatively obstruct the second alternate path.
When its time to leave, open up the second path so no player can stumble into the portal by accident. ETC ETC.
Also............ I dunno, I felt like this was 2 quests put into 1 and I felt more fatigued as I went. It was intended to be this grand adventure but it just felt like there was no end in sight, nothing interesting to look at, lots of running around back and forth and looking for bad guys to beat up. At the end I was feeling drained.
Zzzzzzz twas a fun quest. Needs a bunch more oomf power to make it stand out from the rest. You got the epic story down, now its time for world building and fine tuning.
- A World of Wonder ( NWS-DAT9OXYQL )
- Easterden Horror ( NW-DTIKVUOC3 )
But in the end, just make it a quest that you want to play. You can take critiques but don't change the gameplay to something you think isn't fun. If you like it, tons of other people would too.
- A World of Wonder ( NWS-DAT9OXYQL )
- Easterden Horror ( NW-DTIKVUOC3 )