Play and Review my Quest - Romance Island

giraffe1994

What the title says. This is my very first quest.The short code is: NW-DJG284QMX and @giraffe1994

My name is Serenity in game.

Thank you!

karistiana

I just played your foundry. I was a bit more rushed for this one, but here are a couple things I noticed:

There's only one door, I believe, that you have to open. It opens towards your character, so that causes the character to turn around and face towards the screen before turning back to pull open the door. Just looks awkward. Pushing the door open away from you works more naturally.

Ghost Max remain targetable with the ? above his head, no matter how many times you talk to him. He sometimes gets in the way when fighting or trying to pick up loot. Also, he only seems to cower during the fights, although it seemed to be implied that he would actually help.

Otherwise, I was able to complete the quest quickly with no real issues other than Ghost Max getting in the way sometimes.

melinden

I played with my level 70 DC. This is a good first quest. I think you may want to consider changing the first map as Castle Never is in the background. There are several coast maps that might be a better fit.
You also have a few errors that need to be cleaned up. Once you do that you’ll have a really good quest on your hands.


Notes:

Introduction:

The map location for Romance Island on the Overworld Map is in the dead center which is the default location. This doesn’t really make sense since I would expect it to be in the ocean somewhere.

Romance Island:

-maybe I’m missing a pop culture joke but Fiona’s reference to a phone in her first dialogue seemed a little weird to me.
-I was able to talk to the Suspicious Stranger before I had the quest Objective. You may want to have him appear only when his Objective is in Progress
-I agree with the earlier comment that using “I” for the player’s thoughts it is a little odd. “You” seems to be a better fit.
-in the book the first sentence says “until she was taken from an ugly orc”, I think you want to say “by an ugly orc”
-the ghost at the end of the pier is still called “Customized Ghost Peasant Human” so you will want to rename that
-the map transition objective is “Enter Orc’s Lair”, it should be “Enter Orcs’ Lair” since there is more than one Orc inside.
-the story explains why there are orcs on the island but not werewolves or duergar


Orc’s Lair (this should also be “Orcs’ Lair)
-the Respawn fire is floating off the floor
-in Max’s dialogue his line “My wife watched me get killed and apparently killed her right after” is confusing. It should be either “and apparently she was killed right after” or “and apparently he killed her right after”
-same dialogue: “I, for one, feel to guilty to pass on” should be “feel too guilty to pass on”
-it seems odd that Max cowers while I fight. It would make sense that he would he help me (so he would be a Friendly Encounter) or that at least he would just wait. He’s already dead, after all.
-the detail for “Unlock the Unknown Door” still has the default name of “Sewer Grate 01”
-the map on the table is floating off the table.
-the captured victim says “tortue” instead of “torture”
-the second escape ladder is floating in the air

Final Map
-you should probably add an exit of some kind at the end and not just “F to leave”