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Literary Challenge #56 Discussion Thread

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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    TRIBBLE, one of her very first command decisions in the Delta Quadrant showed us that.

    "We can't use the Caretaker Array to go home - then the Kazon will be able to steal it and use it for whatever they want!"

    Okay, Kathy, kid, let me show you something from the archives. It's called a 'delay timer'. What you do is you lay seven or eight photon torpedoes on the Array, like so many evil eggs, and you set a delay timer for, say, about ten or fifteen minutes. We use the Array, we go home, then when the Kazon think they're getting things under control, KABOOM!

    Why didn't Gandalf just have the Eagles carry the Ring to Mount Doom.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    moonshadowdarkmoonshadowdark Member Posts: 1,899 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    sander233 wrote: »
    Why didn't Gandalf just have the Eagles carry the Ring to Mount Doom.

    Because the Eagles are jerks.
    "A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"

    -Leonard Nimoy, RIP
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    sander233 wrote: »
    Why didn't Gandalf just have the Eagles carry the Ring to Mount Doom.

    The game War of the North has the eagles helping fight a war in the North. Also, the Nazgul would easily be able to intercept the eagles and they could very easily drop the ring during the scuffle, thus loosing it somewhere in Mordor for one of Sauron's groupies to pick up and return to their master.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,365 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Because the Eagles are jerks.
    This, basically - at that point, Gwahir Windlord was too aloof to see himself as a "mere servant" to a wizard (never mind that said wizard was also basically an angel...).

    So, are you saying that the photon torpedoes were too proud to let themselves blow up the Array with a delay timer?
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    This, basically - at that point, Gwahir Windlord was too aloof to see himself as a "mere servant" to a wizard (never mind that said wizard was also basically an angel...).

    Tier 0 deity, if you're using D&D 3rd edition rules.

    </pedantry>
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited January 2014
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @ masopw: Fantastic entry :cool: Comedy, romance, action, drama, this one had it all :cool:
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    masopwmasopw Member Posts: 157 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Ok...mines up!

    I would have popped some reviews in, but the discussion on this was too intense to pass by, so I didn't read any tales yet...and I can't help adding my 2 cents:

    Voyager had the most cringes per series IMHO. "Threshold" (the whole episode and premise) and the line "Get the cheese to sickbay" are ones I wish that could be forever erased from Trek databanks. And I'd have to be in the right mood to watch a repeat of Seven's singing "Clementine."

    Too bad there wasn't anything of the caliber of TNG's "The Inner Light" or DS9's "In The Pale Moonlight" on Voyager.
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    jonsills wrote: »
    This, basically - at that point, Gwahir Windlord was too aloof to see himself as a "mere servant" to a wizard (never mind that said wizard was also basically an angel...).

    So, are you saying that the photon torpedoes were too proud to let themselves blow up the Array with a delay timer?

    I'm saying plot contrivances are often necessary for storytelling purposes.

    What your proposing would have wrapped up Voyager in 90 minutes.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    sander233 wrote: »
    I'm saying plot contrivances are often necessary for storytelling purposes.

    What your proposing would have wrapped up Voyager in 90 minutes.

    Of course it would. That's the point. And a REALLY good story avoids plot contrivances, or uses them well. "Caretaker" does neither.

    That's why the entire episode needs to be rewritten. I suggested upthread having Kazon weapons damage the array, stranding Voyager in the Delta Quadrant when they try to get back. It's a relatively easy fix, and won't leave the fans going "but why didn't they just leave some mines set to go and pop back home".
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    superhombre777superhombre777 Member Posts: 147 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @ aten66 - oh the joys of drunken speeches! And I rather dislike Q also.

    @ ambassadormolari - that was nice and sentimental (but not too much).

    @ masopw - that was amazing! I like abrupt endings in short stories, and yours certainly ended with a bang.
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    ironphoenix113ironphoenix113 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    sander233 wrote: »
    More reviews:
    @ironphoenix - "Your trust should go no further than the airlock of your ship." Great line, that.

    Thank ye! Bryan can be a reasonbly blunt individual, and I thought that line demonstrated his point quite well! :D

    Now, some reviews of my own (finally :rolleyes:):

    @worffan101
    Three very well written stories! Your first and third ones had me chuckling a little throughout, and the second was a very sombering reminder of what happens if we let ourselves boil over with feelings like revenge.

    @jonsills
    Grunt was spot on with his lecture, and his point is certainly something that Bryan would be in total agreement with.

    @grylak
    Took me a minute or so to see where you were going with it, but in the end, a very well written story.

    @sirboulevard
    Excellent story! To be frank, I never really liked the fact that the Prim Directive was so set-in-stone, and I've tried to write myown character to mirror that.

    @marcusdkane
    Sounds like a plot brewing there. Let me know if you need Bryan to kick down some doors for you ;)

    @saihung423
    Not bad, but I would strongly recommend you try to come up with a character of your own and write from his/her/its perspective, because the stories of the current "Legendary" (Picard, Janeway, Kirk, etc...) characters have already been written.

    Now, onto the Voyager debate: The primary reason I am not particularly fond of it can be summed up in three words: deus ex machina. My opinion is that you should only use a DEM when you've written yourself into an inescapable corner with your plot (Mass Effect 3, I'm looking at you) and not simply use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for every problem the good guys encounter. Plus, if you use a DEM, there should be a significant build-up to it's use (making it and its acquisition the focus of the story) and not an out-of-nowhere instant victory. Just my 2 cents.
    Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
    Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
    Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
    Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @worffan101
    Three very well written stories! Your first and third ones had me chuckling a little throughout, and the second was a very sombering reminder of what happens if we let ourselves boil over with feelings like revenge.

    ...

    Now, onto the Voyager debate: The primary reason I am not particularly fond of it can be summed up in three words: deus ex machina. My opinion is that you should only use a DEM when you've written yourself into an inescapable corner with your plot (Mass Effect 3, I'm looking at you) and not simply use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for every problem the good guys encounter. Plus, if you use a DEM, there should be a significant build-up to it's use (making it and its acquisition the focus of the story) and not an out-of-nowhere instant victory. Just my 2 cents.

    Thank you! Good to see that I succeeded with this round's stories.

    I agree completely on Voyager, by the way. DEM only works if you have to work like hell for it (see the finales to Elantris and Mistborn: The Final Empire (both by Brandon Sanderson)).
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    I agree completely on Voyager, by the way. DEM only works if you have to work like hell for it (see the finales to Elantris and Mistborn: The Final Empire (both by Brandon Sanderson)).


    Or there is a serious consequence down the line, such as Jadzia being killed and the wormhole being removed due to Sisko convincing the prophets to remove the Dominion Fleet in the wormhole.




    As for the stories, just read the last two. Loved them both. Masopw, loved the unexpectedness of that ending. And great fun with the surfing.


    ambassadormolari. An interesting tale and a more personal speech. I like that. You get a better reaction between the people when they are not simply speaking to the masses. Though I do accept that is a limitation of the LC posted.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @ aten66 - oh the joys of drunken speeches! And I rather dislike Q also.

    Actually, I love Q, I just hate Q Junior, who is as pompous as his father. In lieu, Gregs is friends with a Fem Q, but considers Q Junior as an annoyance, and hasn't really forgiven Q for turning his command chair into a bean-bag chair, the worst chair to have in space where battle is constant, and when you fall off them when not careful.

    @ambassadormolari: Interesting interpretation, and I like it!

    @masopw: My first question, do you have a link to the story I seemed to have missed? Second, is this a new plot line for you? Third... :eek:WHHHHHAAAAAATTTT? :(When did I miss this! :D:D Loved it!
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    masopwmasopw Member Posts: 157 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Hey all,

    Thanks for the kind words!

    @aten66: No missing stories...the ending to this post is the first time the event has been mentioned! Seems to be having the intended effect of a little bit of :eek: & :confused:

    (Behind the scenes...please consider this a cliffhanger while the writer goes back under the knife. If recovery is :) , then it's a season finale. (Yep...I know what next 'season' would be!) If recovery is :( , then it's a series finale. If y'all want to send me good vibes...it would be most appreciated!...and maybe have your crew scan for the Bonaventure in their next tale for good luck! One never knows what you'll find out in the black...)
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Sounds like a plot brewing there.
    From Ael and I'sH'd's points of view, absolutely. From Siri's, not at all, she's just hopped a ride with an old friend, and will return when the time is right :D

    Let me know if you need Bryan to kick down some doors for you ;)
    Will do :cool: I'm hoping for an opportunity to let Ael's Brikar sidekick make more of an appearance as well :cool:
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    sirboulevardsirboulevard Member Posts: 722 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @sirboulevard
    Excellent story! To be frank, I never really liked the fact that the Prim Directive was so set-in-stone, and I've tried to write myown character to mirror that.

    ...

    Now, onto the Voyager debate: The primary reason I am not particularly fond of it can be summed up in three words: deus ex machina. My opinion is that you should only use a DEM when you've written yourself into an inescapable corner with your plot (Mass Effect 3, I'm looking at you) and not simply use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for every problem the good guys encounter. Plus, if you use a DEM, there should be a significant build-up to it's use (making it and its acquisition the focus of the story) and not an out-of-nowhere instant victory. Just my 2 cents.

    Thank you!

    Yes, Voyager was too heavy with the DEMs. *cough*punching a hole in an event horizon *cough*
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    TRIBBLE Hydra! Hail Janeway!
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @masopw - That is packed full of awesome :) Did a Vulcan actually say "Brah"?

    EDIT - I *still* really like Voyager.
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    masopwmasopw Member Posts: 157 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    @masopw - That is packed full of awesome :) Did a Vulcan actually say "Brah"?

    Thanks!

    Yep, Sotek, once motivated and enthralled by the surf, studied and mastered Hawaiian Pidgin. Locals thought he was mocking them...when they asked, "Like beef?" and he answered that he, as well as many Vulcans, are vegetarians, it caused many, many fights. Eventually he was accepted by them and given the nickname Pele's Keiki.

    All my characters are broken in some way...and Sotek throws himself fully into Human cultures subsets. ( But only with his few friends. As Captain of the Honolulu, he doesn't call out, "Going, going, wiki-wiki!" instead of "Engage"!, nor would he call down to Engineering and shout, "Eh! Get warp? Klingons stay huhu and we get plenty puka in hull. We no go stay go we ma-ke-die-dead bumbye. Try fix da kine. ")
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    I *still* really like Voyager.

    That's fine, I'm just saying that Braga really screwed it up.

    And that it could've been a hell of a lot better.
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    masopw wrote: »
    ...and Sotek throws himself fully into Human cultures subsets. ( But only with his few friends. As Captain of the Honolulu, he doesn't call out, "Going, going, wiki-wiki!" instead of "Engage"!, nor would he call down to Engineering and shout, "Eh! Get warp? Klingons stay huhu and we get plenty puka in hull. We no go stay go we ma-ke-die-dead bumbye. Try fix da kine. ")

    It would be absolutely hilarious though if he (or anyone else) actually did. :D

    Hoping to get your story read tomorrow. Hang loose, brah.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Though not part of the LC, I do have the last part of my One Night trilogy up, if people would like to see what got Stunshock so upset when he yelled at Bosip.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    grylak wrote: »
    Though not part of the LC, I do have the last part of my One Night trilogy up, if people would like to see what got Stunshock so upset when he yelled at Bosip.

    Hell's yeah :cool:
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    My final thoughts before the new challenge tomorrow:

    -jonsills's submission was made of awesome. Captain Grunt is always fun, the topic was thought-provoking, and the story as a whole was pure awesome.

    -I personally had a lot of fun, tried out a few different stories, and got a really hilarious idea from marcusdkane. Marcus, that idea about having a character give a lecture while intoxicated? So much fun, made of win.

    -I especially liked marcusdkane, superhombre777, ambassadormolari, and masopw's contributions. Surfer Vulcan? Andorian urine shark repellent? Anti-Cardassian violence at SFA? Ethical dilemmas? Ael t'Kazanak? Made of awesome, guys. Lots of fun to read.

    Can't wait for LC 57!
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    I personally had a lot of fun, tried out a few different stories, and got a really hilarious idea from marcusdkane. Marcus, that idea about having a character give a lecture while intoxicated? So much fun, made of win.

    Can't wait for LC 57!
    Glad you were able to run with it, and likewise, glad you liked Ael's first proper entry in The Big Chair :cool:

    Yeah, really looking forward to LC57 :cool:
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    Glad you were able to run with it, and likewise, glad you liked Ael's first proper entry in The Big Chair :cool:

    Yeah, really looking forward to LC57 :cool:

    It should be awesome. Especially with the anniversary event coming up, and the revamped Fed missions. I need to get around to doing a longer fic sometime, too.
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    wraithshadow13wraithshadow13 Member Posts: 1,728 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    I still haven't written this one out yet. I've just been drudging along this month.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    It should be awesome. Especially with the anniversary event coming up, and the revamped Fed missions. I need to get around to doing a longer fic sometime, too.

    I know the feeling, I get the occasional idea, but haven't had any long-term inspiration for a while, but equally, the past few weeks have been spent setting up a tattoo studio, so my mind's been elsewhere, and I've really only been in the mood to read :) Looking forward to seeing what you come up with :cool:
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited January 2014
    I know the feeling, I get the occasional idea, but haven't had any long-term inspiration for a while, but equally, the past few weeks have been spent setting up a tattoo studio, so my mind's been elsewhere, and I've really only been in the mood to read :) Looking forward to seeing what you come up with :cool:

    I have 2 ideas at the moment, both partially formed, and both really crazy. Both will need major work before I can actually give you guys something to read.

    Hope the new business goes well.
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