"The Sins of the Fathers" - a new Klingon mission

Comments

• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  EVENTS:
  
  
  A warm welcome awaits you at the House of Dubious Virtue.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Really? You had to start a bar brawl because you are too cheap to buy a drink?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Triskelion -- set in the M24 star group. Two yellow suns and a white dwarf in a Trojan trinary configuration.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  It looks like the Hirogen have set up camp on Independence Beach.

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  GAMEPLAY:
  
  
  Early in the mission, you are prompted to remove your duty officers' weapons and equip your fists in order to enjoy an old-fashioned bar brawl. This friendly reminder pops up before you need your weapons again.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Do you want to get right into the action or spend ten minutes learning about Triskelion? It's your choice.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Do you really want to go to battle with Gul Lomesh? He's been so polite...
  
  
  
  
  
  
  WORST... PICK-UP LINE... EVER!!!

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Well... it's been almost a month since this mission has been published -- and somebody finally played it! It got a four-star rating with no review, but I'll take it.
  
  Anyone else game to take this on now that somebody else has dipped their toe in?

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• fourxgamer Member Posts: 245 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  I played through this mission today on one of my alts. I began to write a mini-review here but I'm not sure if this was the correct place to do so or if I am qualified.
  
  Hope to see you get out of Limbo and perhaps write a sequel to update the happenings on Triskelion.

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  fourxgamer wrote: »

  I played through this mission today on one of my alts. I began to write a mini-review here but I'm not sure if this was the correct place to do so or if I am qualified.
  
  Hope to see you get out of Limbo and perhaps write a sequel to update the happenings on Triskelion.

  
  If you played all the way through, you are certainly qualified to comment -- and this thread is the perfect place to do so. Even something as simple as "I hated this mission because there was no Vodka on the bar menu" is good.
  
  Some people (like me) do long-winded, extended walk-through reviews, but that's an extreme. A few sentences giving your impressions is perfect. Just say what you liked, what you didn't and whether or not you would recommend it to others.
  
  And if there's stuff I need to fix, I'd really like to hear about it!

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• uncle2fire Member Posts: 68 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  I really want to try this mission out; it looks really interesting. I'll probably find time either tomorrow or the next day, and would be happy to give you a review with anything good/bad/interesting that I notice. I'm looking forward to it!
  
  Live long and prosper.

  [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Uncle2Fire -- I'm laughing at your in-game review right now and just have to share it here:
  

  You, my friend, have a knack for writing creative, innuendo-laden, occasionally-uncomfortable dialogue. I liked it :P Definitely an interesting mission. and it dealt with a nagging issue I've had ever since watching the original series. Nice work!

  
  Thanks! I wanted to strike a balance between humor and what is arguably an emotionally-charged topic. I normally don't work nearly so blue, but it seemed to fit and keep the story from being too maudlin. Giving the Enterprise orphans and their jilted mothers a voice after 45 years of stewing about it was a cathartic experience for me.

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  zorbane's review of "The Sins of the Fathers" can be found here: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showpost.php?p=13025791&postcount=159.

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Version 1.1 of "The Sins of the Fathers" has been published.
  
  Now with one less map and lots more PEW PEW!
  
  
  Changes from version 1.0c:
  

  • Mission overview has been re-written to better tease the true plot.
    
    
  • The explanation that Q'jel's title of "Uncle" is an affectionate term and not one of a blood relationship to the player has been moved to a common dialogue path.
    
    
  • Battles on the space map "Qo'noS System" are no more difficult (due to these being "dialogue battles"), but now the enemies come to you and are more closely spaced. (You no longer need to chase them down.)
    
    
  • Re-worked some of the between-battle dialogue on the "Qo'noS System" map. Pop-up dialog boxes have been moved from the map to the story-line to interact more cleanly with battle objectives.
    
    
  • Optional battle on the space map "M24 (Arriving)" has been intensified.
    
    
  • Battles on the space map "M24 (Leaving)" have been intensified by adding additional enemy groups and by placing the enemies on patrol toward the player's spawn position. Pop-up dialog boxes have been moved from the map to the story-line to interact more cleanly with battle objectives.
    
    
  • Map "Space" removed. Dialog and transition is now part of "M24 (Leaving)"
    
    
  • Battles and objectives on the ground map "House of Dubious Virtue (D?noument)" have been re-grouped so that the tough captain battle group does not mix with the other groups.

  
  
  Note that this is still a level 16+ mission. The most advanced enemies are Hirogen and Cardassians.
  
  
  EDIT:
  
  Version 1.1a has the following corrections:
  

  • The pop-up dialogs for Rooms 4 & 5 in the House of Dubious Virtue now have appropriate responses. (I don't know how I missed that in all my play throughs. Thanks, Zorbane!)
    
    
  • Corrected a typo that's been in the text from the beginning on the Qo'noS System map.

  
  
  
  Version 1.1b features the following changes:
  

  • Fewer "Continue"s thanks to my handy-dandy mission export formatter. <<< note the shameful plug. Yes, I wrote "shameful."
    
    
  • Thanks to a suggestion by zorbane, you now do not get attacked by roving Hirogen on the Qo'noS System map until you reach the end of the dialog tree upon entering the map.
    
    
  • Minor change to "M24 (leaving)" map to help players get into the proper position for warp-out.

  
  
  Version 1.1c features the following change:
  

  • In the next to the last map I had mis-spelled "Starfleet".

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• evil70th Member Posts: 1,017 Arc User

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  donperk wrote: »

  Thanks for all the work you do with this. I've read a number of your reviews and your comments are excellent.
  
  I've got a first-time effort for you to look at, if you could:
  
  Mission Name: The Sins of the Fathers
  Author: @donperk
  Minimum Level: 16+
  Allegiance: Klingon
  Project ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV
  Estimated Mission Length: 2 hours (story heavy)
  
  The player takes on a character who wise-cracks with his/her crew, but is respectful and business-like with everyone else. The dialog has an on-going sense of humor set against a serious story line. The overall concept is POV (point of view) and how people's different POV's can challenge what is believed to be the real story.
  
  There are plenty of battles -- and they fit the story line, they aren't just thrown in. But this is story-centered and lore heavy.
  
  I have started a project thread here and will be posting some screen caps to it later tonight.
  
  Thank you!

  
  Klingon Mission - The Sins of the Fathers
  Author: donperk
  Allegiance: Klingon
  Project ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV
  
  

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  Report Start

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  Summary: This is a great mission with plenty of tough but fun battles throughout and very well written story dialogue. Despite the issues listed on the maps and in the summary below I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a good story combined with heavy combat. It is well worth the play time.
  
  As I mentioned on all the maps with the exception of the Qo'noS First City (Cryptic Map) map the dialogue felt more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I accept the fact that Klingons have a sense of humor, are intelligent, and can respond without resorting to violence; however the dialogue did not feel Klingon enough in most places. I really do not like using the term "Klingon enough" but I feel like much of dialogue did not have that feel to it and needs to be reworked. At the very least you should give the player additional options that are sterner than the ones provided in most of the dialogue.
  
  I mentioned the need to use Hirogen names vice less Terran references. This also applied to some of the other species as well. The use of lo'laH and raQ'el is a good example of masking the names. Despite the fact that they are obviously not Klingon they are hidden by making them appear to be Klingon. If nothing else I would recommend this be applied to all the areas indicated below.
  
  Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
  
  Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
  
  Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
  
  Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location to begin the mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
  
  Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
  
  MAPS:
  Qo'noS First City (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the cryptic map elements within your mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
  
  House of Dubious Virtue: This is a great map design with some glorious optional battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
  -The Uncle Q'jel dialogue; consider changing the response button "Still, paralyzing yourself because you think you are being followed is prety crazy" to read "Still, paralyzing yourself because you think you are being followed is pretty crazy".
  
  Qo'noS System: This is a great map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
  -A plot point to consider, being in the Qo'noS system and having no other Klingon vessels around at all let alone aid in the defense against the Hirogen ships seems unlikely. Consider adding other Klingon ships as background decoration.
  -Consider changing "or I turn your pretty little ship" to read "or I will turn your pretty little ship".
  -Consider changing the attacking Hirogen ship names to less Terran references.
  
  Ready Room: This is a good map with very well written story dialogue but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
  -The Admiral vaQ dialogue; consider changing the response button "qapla', indeed" to read "Qapla', indeed".
  
  M24 (arriving): This is a great map design with some glorious optional battles. I like the optional diplomatic path as well. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
  
  Triskelion: This is a great map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
  -A plot point to consider, the entire conversation with Rienna regarding the ships Trill doctor is unnecessary to the story. If you want to leave it in you should give the player to skip the dialogue.
  -Consider changing the Hirogen names to less Terran references.
  
  Freedom's Home: This is a good map with very well written story dialogue but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
  
  M24 (leaving): This is a great map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
  -Consider changing the attacking Hirogen ship names to less Terran references.
  
  House of Dubious Virtue (Denouement): This is a great map design with some tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
  -Consider changing the Klingon, Orion and Hirogen names to less Terran references.
  -The lo'laH dialogue; consider changing "Starfllet wasn't ready to accept" to read "Starfleet wasn't ready to accept".
  
  Epilogue: This is a good map with very well written story dialogue but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
  
  

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  End Report

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  Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job demonstrating that Klingon missions do not have to be all about combat and nothing else. It is a great story. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
  Brian
  
  This critique report also filed 11/06/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  Many thanks to Evil70th for his review.
  
  As a result, I've worked hard to push out an update -- and here it is!
  
  "The Sins of the Fathers" V1.2 7-NOV-2013
  
  Changes for version 1.2:
  
  

  • Major addition of over 120 culturally Klingon player responses and over 50 additional NPC dialogues. This should dramatically change the player experience of this being a "Federation" mission. The spunky Orion responses are still there if you choose to take the more humorous and laid-back path.
    
    
  • The romance track between the player and Doctor Hathnor has been almost completely removed. There are a couple of vestigial things, but they only indicate Hathnor's interest in the player and not the reverse.
    
    
  • The player can now opt to not encourage Rienna's romantic advances.
    
    
  • The space around Qo'noS now has significantly more traffic, befitting the Imperial center in a time of war.
    
    
  • Player and ship names no longer run along humorous themes. Klingon names, in particular, have been verified to be true to the Klingon phonemes. (Okay, there are still some silly ship names, but they are in tlhIngan Hol -- so if you don't know Klingon, you're out of luck.)
    
    
  • A few typos have been corrected.
    
    
  • Potentially several more typos have been introduced.
    
    
  • Kurt still has not restocked the bloodwine in the House of Dubious Virtue's bar.

  
  
  
  
  EDIT:
  After playing the mission in STOL and then running my mission through the old Mission Review Tool ("physician, heal thyself!") I present version 1.2a.
  
  Changes for Version 1.2a:
  
  

  • Two of the new Klingon responses ended abruptly, not continuing the conversation as they should have.
    
    
  • Some titles were invalidated by the new dialogue options but had not been removed.
    
    
  • I discovered over FORTY typos/misspellings in my "letter perfect" mission after running the mission through my new review tool and then opening the report in Word. Most of the errors were NOT new. Favorites include "Enterpise", "popluation", "vaccum-filled" and "decenants".

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• donperk Member Posts: 200 Arc User

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  FINALLY! "The Sins of the Fathers" now qualifies for standard mission rewards. It is out of red text hell!
  
  So now you have no excuses -- dust off your Klingon captain and give this mission a run! :cool:
  
  The average rating for this mission is currently 4.27 stars.
  
  And remember, it is now fortified with 70% more Klingon dialogue!

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