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"The Sins of the Fathers" - a new Klingon mission
donperk
Member Posts: 200 Arc User
Mission: The Sins of the Fathers
Handle: @donperk
Level: 16+
Mission ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV
Allegiance: Klingon
I've just published my first Foundry effort: "The Sins of the Fathers".
The story begins with a call from Syndicate Operative Mina, a friend of your Uncle Q'jel. Mina is concerned that your uncle's fascination with Terran detective programming has gotten him into a situation that is way over his head. Pretending to be a detective, Q'jel is apparently investigating the murder of a mutual friend whose body has been found in a First City bordello in the Orion District.
Your job is to get your uncle out of there as quickly and quietly as possible before the authorities find him practicing detection without a license. Or at least that's what you plan on doing -- the story quickly takes a left turn from there.
The dialog vacillates between serious and flippant with your KDF-aligned character adding most of the comic relief. This is a very story-heavy mission, but there are plenty of ground and space battles to be fought -- including an all-out bar brawl if you aren't feeling diplomatic.
Along the way you will meet:
A couple of battles can be avoided by making diplomatic dialog choices (including the aforementioned bar brawl.)
There is also quite a bit of lore and exposition that can be skipped by either making an obvious dialog choice or by not talking to particular NPCs -- though on a first run of the mission, it's recommended that you explore the dialogs thoroughly. There's a ton of TOS lore (canon and non-canon) in this mission.
Trivia:
Enjoy!
Handle: @donperk
Level: 16+
Mission ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV
Allegiance: Klingon
I've just published my first Foundry effort: "The Sins of the Fathers".
The story begins with a call from Syndicate Operative Mina, a friend of your Uncle Q'jel. Mina is concerned that your uncle's fascination with Terran detective programming has gotten him into a situation that is way over his head. Pretending to be a detective, Q'jel is apparently investigating the murder of a mutual friend whose body has been found in a First City bordello in the Orion District.
Your job is to get your uncle out of there as quickly and quietly as possible before the authorities find him practicing detection without a license. Or at least that's what you plan on doing -- the story quickly takes a left turn from there.
The dialog vacillates between serious and flippant with your KDF-aligned character adding most of the comic relief. This is a very story-heavy mission, but there are plenty of ground and space battles to be fought -- including an all-out bar brawl if you aren't feeling diplomatic.
Along the way you will meet:
- an Orion reporter attempting to expose the darker side of the NCC-1701 crew's history;
- A beautiful Scalosian survivor with a bitter history;
- A Yonadan free spirit with a very familiar last name;
- A Risan bartender who doesn't know how to make a Saurian Slinger and can't keep his bloodwine stocked -- even though the bloodwine distillery is just a block away;
- A Klingon admiral with a soft heart for vengeful ship captains;
- A very polite (and very well-informed) Cardassian captain;
- A couple of Triskelian women looking to gain true freedom for their world;
- and a host of Hirogen bounty hunters.
A couple of battles can be avoided by making diplomatic dialog choices (including the aforementioned bar brawl.)
There is also quite a bit of lore and exposition that can be skipped by either making an obvious dialog choice or by not talking to particular NPCs -- though on a first run of the mission, it's recommended that you explore the dialogs thoroughly. There's a ton of TOS lore (canon and non-canon) in this mission.
Trivia:
- The appearances for the characters Peela, Freedom and Noonah were all based on their ancestors as portrayed on TOS -- but are not, and are not intended to be, replicas of the actresses who played those roles.
- Pretty much everyone in the bar scene has a name and many of them should put a smile on your face if you can figure out the references.
- Lore for this mission was thoroughly researched;
- Because of STOL's use of sans-serif fonts, it helps to know that the name "lo'laH" sounds like "Lo-lach" and not "Eye-oh-lach". (There are two "L"s in the name, but since tlhIngan Hol has no capital L...)
- This story reveals the real purpose of a Pink Patooie with a paper umbrella garnish.
Enjoy!
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
A warm welcome awaits you at the House of Dubious Virtue.
Really? You had to start a bar brawl because you are too cheap to buy a drink?
Triskelion -- set in the M24 star group. Two yellow suns and a white dwarf in a Trojan trinary configuration.
It looks like the Hirogen have set up camp on Independence Beach.
Early in the mission, you are prompted to remove your duty officers' weapons and equip your fists in order to enjoy an old-fashioned bar brawl. This friendly reminder pops up before you need your weapons again.
Do you want to get right into the action or spend ten minutes learning about Triskelion? It's your choice.
Do you really want to go to battle with Gul Lomesh? He's been so polite...
WORST... PICK-UP LINE... EVER!!!
Anyone else game to take this on now that somebody else has dipped their toe in?
Hope to see you get out of Limbo and perhaps write a sequel to update the happenings on Triskelion.
If you played all the way through, you are certainly qualified to comment -- and this thread is the perfect place to do so.
Some people (like me) do long-winded, extended walk-through reviews, but that's an extreme. A few sentences giving your impressions is perfect. Just say what you liked, what you didn't and whether or not you would recommend it to others.
And if there's stuff I need to fix, I'd really like to hear about it!
Live long and prosper.
Thanks! I wanted to strike a balance between humor and what is arguably an emotionally-charged topic. I normally don't work nearly so blue, but it seemed to fit and keep the story from being too maudlin. Giving the Enterprise orphans and their jilted mothers a voice after 45 years of stewing about it was a cathartic experience for me.
Now with one less map and lots more PEW PEW!
Changes from version 1.0c:
Note that this is still a level 16+ mission. The most advanced enemies are Hirogen and Cardassians.
EDIT:
Version 1.1a has the following corrections:
Version 1.1b features the following changes:
Version 1.1c features the following change:
Klingon Mission - The Sins of the Fathers
Author: donperk
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with plenty of tough but fun battles throughout and very well written story dialogue. Despite the issues listed on the maps and in the summary below I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a good story combined with heavy combat. It is well worth the play time.
As I mentioned on all the maps with the exception of the Qo'noS First City (Cryptic Map) map the dialogue felt more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I accept the fact that Klingons have a sense of humor, are intelligent, and can respond without resorting to violence; however the dialogue did not feel Klingon enough in most places. I really do not like using the term "Klingon enough" but I feel like much of dialogue did not have that feel to it and needs to be reworked. At the very least you should give the player additional options that are sterner than the ones provided in most of the dialogue.
I mentioned the need to use Hirogen names vice less Terran references. This also applied to some of the other species as well. The use of lo'laH and raQ'el is a good example of masking the names. Despite the fact that they are obviously not Klingon they are hidden by making them appear to be Klingon. If nothing else I would recommend this be applied to all the areas indicated below.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location to begin the mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Qo'noS First City (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the cryptic map elements within your mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
House of Dubious Virtue: This is a great map design with some glorious optional battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Uncle Q'jel dialogue; consider changing the response button "Still, paralyzing yourself because you think you are being followed is prety crazy" to read "Still, paralyzing yourself because you think you are being followed is pretty crazy".
Qo'noS System: This is a great map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-A plot point to consider, being in the Qo'noS system and having no other Klingon vessels around at all let alone aid in the defense against the Hirogen ships seems unlikely. Consider adding other Klingon ships as background decoration.
-Consider changing "or I turn your pretty little ship" to read "or I will turn your pretty little ship".
-Consider changing the attacking Hirogen ship names to less Terran references.
Ready Room: This is a good map with very well written story dialogue but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Admiral vaQ dialogue; consider changing the response button "qapla', indeed" to read "Qapla', indeed".
M24 (arriving): This is a great map design with some glorious optional battles. I like the optional diplomatic path as well. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Triskelion: This is a great map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-A plot point to consider, the entire conversation with Rienna regarding the ships Trill doctor is unnecessary to the story. If you want to leave it in you should give the player to skip the dialogue.
-Consider changing the Hirogen names to less Terran references.
Freedom's Home: This is a good map with very well written story dialogue but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
M24 (leaving): This is a great map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the attacking Hirogen ship names to less Terran references.
House of Dubious Virtue (Denouement): This is a great map design with some tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Klingon, Orion and Hirogen names to less Terran references.
-The lo'laH dialogue; consider changing "Starfllet wasn't ready to accept" to read "Starfleet wasn't ready to accept".
Epilogue: This is a good map with very well written story dialogue but the player responses and some of the dialogue feels more like a Federation rather than a Klingon mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job demonstrating that Klingon missions do not have to be all about combat and nothing else. It is a great story. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/06/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
As a result, I've worked hard to push out an update -- and here it is!
"The Sins of the Fathers" V1.2 7-NOV-2013
Changes for version 1.2:
EDIT:
After playing the mission in STOL and then running my mission through the old Mission Review Tool ("physician, heal thyself!") I present version 1.2a.
Changes for Version 1.2a:
So now you have no excuses -- dust off your Klingon captain and give this mission a run! :cool:
The average rating for this mission is currently 4.27 stars.
And remember, it is now fortified with 70% more Klingon dialogue!