Overall, not a bad mission. However, there are several things that could do with improvement on to make it a great mission.
Firstly, there is not a lot of explanation for why this is happening. The order relating to this planet is the most severe - nobody approaches under any circumstances. To have two ships and a science team studying it seems unlikely without a good deal of explanation - which didn't come.
Secondly, there were a lot of SPG issues - chiefly a lack of punctuation in sentences that made them very hard to read (full stops at the end of sentences and things).
Thirdly, your style. The key thing here is the titles of some of the objectives. They need to be clear and to the point. "Speak to the Talosian" = great, I know what I need to do. "They're like rats" or "cleanup on aisle 3" may be amusing but they're not helpful. The only other point on that is that sometimes it felt a bit casual - my officer calling me by my first name and the like - but that's partly a stylistic thing and might be ok.
ON THE OTHER HAND (lest this look like I'm just moaning)...
Other bits of this were fantastic! A lot of detail, especially on the maps and the costumes. You clearly put a lot of work into it, hence the tip. And thank you thank you THANK YOU for being so clear with the direction to the star systems, which often stumps foundry players if it's not crystal clear.
Comments
Good, no great story line
frankhs30
love your Kevin Smith quote
Kotagh II and L'ael on KDF - House of Duras
T'Pur in Federation Sol Trade Consortium Fleet
Firstly, there is not a lot of explanation for why this is happening. The order relating to this planet is the most severe - nobody approaches under any circumstances. To have two ships and a science team studying it seems unlikely without a good deal of explanation - which didn't come.
Secondly, there were a lot of SPG issues - chiefly a lack of punctuation in sentences that made them very hard to read (full stops at the end of sentences and things).
Thirdly, your style. The key thing here is the titles of some of the objectives. They need to be clear and to the point. "Speak to the Talosian" = great, I know what I need to do. "They're like rats" or "cleanup on aisle 3" may be amusing but they're not helpful. The only other point on that is that sometimes it felt a bit casual - my officer calling me by my first name and the like - but that's partly a stylistic thing and might be ok.
ON THE OTHER HAND (lest this look like I'm just moaning)...
Other bits of this were fantastic! A lot of detail, especially on the maps and the costumes. You clearly put a lot of work into it, hence the tip. And thank you thank you THANK YOU for being so clear with the direction to the star systems, which often stumps foundry players if it's not crystal clear.
Well done!
EDIT: My error - Fed side. Checking it out!
Enjoyed it - nice work customizing maps. Nothing to add here that hasn't been stated already.