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Dark Alliance Series
skydawnknight
Member Posts: 12 Arc User
This is the first of at least four adventures I plan on writing for this series. This is also my very first foundry project.
Mission Name: Dark Alliance Part 1
Faction: Federation
Summary: During a rescue operation of the U.S.S. Bastion, the pursuit of an unknown enemy toward earth leads your crew to discover a conspiracy that could unravel the basis of time itself. This is the beginning of a chain of events that could forever change the course of things to come.
Required Level: 16+
Length: Approximately 1-2 hours
I'm very new to all this, so if there is something you'd like to see or find missing, please provide me with some constructive remarks. My in-game handle is @Skydawn. Thanks.
Mission Name: Dark Alliance Part 1
Faction: Federation
Summary: During a rescue operation of the U.S.S. Bastion, the pursuit of an unknown enemy toward earth leads your crew to discover a conspiracy that could unravel the basis of time itself. This is the beginning of a chain of events that could forever change the course of things to come.
Required Level: 16+
Length: Approximately 1-2 hours
I'm very new to all this, so if there is something you'd like to see or find missing, please provide me with some constructive remarks. My in-game handle is @Skydawn. Thanks.
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
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Comments
However, if you're going to rate it at one star, please have the courtesy to explain what you disliked so much about it, so that I can fix it... hence, the point of being a reviewer. My entire goal is to improve. I welcome all opinions.
Thank you.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
I also need to add some dialogue or something to it. For whatever reason, I have at least 5 maps and I thought somewhere close to an hour of play at least, but it doesn't qualify for the Officer Reports daily. I don't know if that's a game bug or not. I felt it was just long enough to not become annoying.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
would like to play your mission but don't know where it starts. the initial instruction says something about talk to admiral... in earth starbase? had a look around that area for the mission trigger but can't find it! might want to clarify start point in mission description
Take the turbolift in Space Dock. It's the one right in front of the Admiral's office and across from the fountain (where Q is right now). It's in the mission text when you first get the mission, but it seems to get overlooked, especially if you don't read it right away. I do the same thing sometimes. I will put it in the actual mission description so as to clarify the starting point.
Thanks!
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Anyhow, the mission is finished and published finally.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
I added respawn points to both sides of the map to compensate for this.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Dark Alliance 2: Black Spiral
Synopsis: In this sequel, you and your crew are invited by Admiral Fielding to an ambassador's gala to discuss this strange new enemy. As the Alliance secretly plots your demise, old friends and new foes become entangled in a conflict that will create as many questions as answers, and reveal and dark truths never meant to be uncovered.
Faction: Federation
Required Level: 31+
Mission Length: About 30 min to 1hr+ depending on different dialogue and optional choices
Mission Type: Story/Combat combination - Designed for solo play only
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough, but, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level. It is a great beginning to the series.
I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. The Captain should always respond to a report or other information given in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Despite the fact the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations; the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.
I have not mentioned this for a while but found it a couple of times on the "Earth Space Dock" map. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "I'm Alicia Gray, Captain of the U.S.S. Centurion" vice the way it shows up in the story. It is something to consider and other players might miss it completely.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This description tells the player nothing of the story. Consider adding a little of the story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to help the player find the start position. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Admiral Fielding's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Garion Station Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger for the "Intercept the enemy ship" further out from the Main Enemy Battleship. The surprise you were aiming at failed to trigger properly. I was within 11km of that ship when you triggered the dialogue that leads to the Enemy Cruiser. Unfortunately I turned off the feature that stops the player when dialogue appears. So I was engaged with the Main Enemy Battleship before the second ship could be triggered by dialogue. I ended up defeating the two ships separately which made the dialogue that was triggered seem out of place.
Sol System: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Earth Space Dock: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to go away once the player interacts with it. It can also be set to go away once a particular task is completed.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
-Several of the doors you placed to cover an entry way are not lined up with the entry way. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Earth Space Dock Sub Deck 1385: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank.
-The "Activate the power hubs" consoles appear to be lower than other consoles, which makes it look odd when the player interacts with it. Consider raising the consoles. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor
-The post "Activate the central computer" dialogue; consider changing "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, I will destroy you" to read "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, will destroy you".
Sol System - Earth Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future and the next mission in this series.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/05/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Yours was the first foundry mission I've played (part I) and absolutely loved it. My ingame review was a bit short but I really enjoy it, well deserves 5 stars (and splotlighting imho). The story has got to be my favourite part of it, I don't want to spoil things for anyone else but it really took things to an unexpected place. When I get time I look forward to playing part II.
The only negative point I had about it was that the ground section dragged on a bit, that may have been me getting hopelessly lost rather than a fault with the map. Even getting lost the enemy spawns coming in kept me on my toes so it is a small complaint in an otherwise wonderful hour or so of fun.
Click for more details
Last night you mentioned these missions in chat and I was honestly just expecting something good but not nearly this good. I'm sure there MIGHT be some flaws somewhere, but even if there is, who effing cares? The story was totally immersive, the dialogue between npcs, the scope of the mission, everything was just really excited to me during play.
I can't wait to play part 3.
I was in the process of evaluating your second mission in the series but the Aurora Lounge map appears to have an issue upon spawn. My character and the away team beam in and are stuck half way in the ceiling and cannot get free. I left the mission and came back but still found the exact same issue. I am postponing your mission review until you have fixed this issue. Let me know when it is fixed and I?ll pick the mission back up.
Thanks
Brian
I did get some feedback that the consoles in Part 1 were a little difficult to locate on Spacedock. I might change it, but so long as no one gets angry over the extra difficulty, I might just leave it as it is too.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Thanks, Geoff! I'm glad you really liked it! Working on Part 3 now, but I really need the extra TOS stuff to become available to do it right.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
This is the first I've heard about this, Brian. Tested it out on my own and it works just fine. I just went into the mission editor anyway and moved the spawn point forward and up just a little bit. I hope that helps. I wonder if maybe it's the size of your character. Do you have one that's really tall/short?
Please drop the mission entirely and pick it up again to get the newer version.
Again, thank you so much for doing this review.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Just finished part 2 and loved it. My favourite bit has to be in the lounge playing with all the optional things, I strongly recommend anyone who plays this takes time to mess around there. Although I'll say there was maybe one too many pop-culture references, the first was fun but after a while they just jar you out of the immersion.
The only section I had any real issue with was the first ground combat section, one encounter in a big bright flashy room. The problem was the flashing did give me a bit of a headache trying to play through it, this was compounded by one group spawning two people inside the debris against a wall. I managed to coax them out by sort of rubbing up against the wall, which allowed me to target them and eventually trigger them to teleport to the middle of the room. The flashing lights and the long wait there due to that bugged combat just left a bit of a bad taste.
The rest was fantastic, a good mix of dialogue, combat (some quite challenging) and really enjoyable set design. Oh, and the epilogue was a fun idea
Let us know when part 3 is out!
Click for more details
Working on part 3 right now but due to RL issues, its going to be at least a couple weeks before I can get the maps done. I did however adjust some of the ground effects in Part 2, as it was causing some lag issues on lower end video cards.
I'll let everyone know when it's all done. Glad you all enjoyed it.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance 2: Black Spiral
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDSFSEJNA
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission in the series. The map designs are good, with excellent innovative techniques that worked very well. The battles are tough, but fun and there are plenty of them to keep even the most battle hardened player entertained. The story dialogue is excellent and kept me riveted to my seat with a desire to see what came next. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who love great maps, tough battles, and excellent story dialogue. You will love this mission and the series so far.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice simple grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map to the initial task.. It will make it easier for the player to find it. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Belias Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
The Aurora Lounge: This is a great map design with tough battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
New Aurora Compound - East: This is a great map design with tough battles and excellent story dialogue. The Aurora Tram design was very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
New Aurora Compound - North: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I had one question regarding the away team:
-Is the away team being isolated so far away a glitch? I realize they were not needed on this map and it made the story work better, but if it was not a glitch then how did you do it? I am sure there are many authors that would love to find an easier way to isolate the away team rather trying to move the spawn point close to an edge so they become trapped.
Unknown Star Cluster: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Miranian battle ship has photonic Galor's with it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward with anticipation to the 3rd installment in the series.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/30/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Wonder if something changed recently for the foundry... I've been trying various missions only to find many have objectives with markers for them displaced from where the actual objective is. Extrememly irritating as I cannot complete nearly half the foundry quests I've tried. It's that or drive around the maps for hours hoping you get lucky.... Hoping the authors will go back in an fix the issue if possible.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I played through and loved both parts of the mission series!
May I please ask (without making you feel like I am rushing you (I'm not wanting to rush you)) what your timeline is for part 3 to come out? Thanks!
Fun mission despite the bug, especially the noodle incident between the PC and Saria you kept mentioning but stopping just short of explaining.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
@Dexxis7
ya when well part 3 be redy to play thanks