Thanks for submitting your mission for review. Dont worry; constructive critiques are the only kind I ever give. You are currently 4th in the queue behind intrinsical. I should be able to get to yours by Sunday, depending on how the other ones ahead of you go.
Thank you for joining the ranks of Foundry authors,
Brian
Thank you ^.^ I look forward to hearing your report.
Q400 Daily: Deals - Series 2
Level Requirement: Any
Faction: Federation
Handle: @Q400
Description:
For, " Investigate officer reports."
Hunter/Killer: Part 1/5
Level Requirement: 31+
Faction:Klingon
Handle:@Q400
Description:
Hunter Killer Group 3 - Kahless, was charged with finding and destroying prototype and high-importance federation ships.
Q400 Daily: Deals - Series 2
Level Requirement: Any
Faction: Federation
Handle: @Q400
Description:
For, " Investigate officer reports."
Hunter/Killer: Part 1/5
Level Requirement: 31+
Faction:Klingon
Handle:@Q400
Description:
Hunter Killer Group 3 - Kahless, was charged with finding and destroying prototype and high-importance federation ships.
Part 2: In the eyes of the Federation
Part 3: Klingon
Part 4: Federation
Part 5: Klingon
Hey Q400,
Thanks for the additional review requests. These missions have been added to the queue and are 5th and 6th for review behind Skyline45. I will get to them as soon as possible.
A belated thank you for reviewing Raktajino in a Jar. Just remembered I hadn't replied on that. Your in-depth reviewing is much appreciated. I've got some more significant improvements to make on this one than on the last one.
A belated thank you for reviewing Raktajino in a Jar. Just remembered I hadn't replied on that. Your in-depth reviewing is much appreciated. I've got some more significant improvements to make on this one than on the last one.
Glad I could help. It was a fun mission amd as I said I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work.
Mission Name: The Empire's Dark Day
Author: Digimstr
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Klingon
ST-HNF68C43C
Estimated Mission Length: 45min to 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
The Federation has decided that now is a good time for an assault on Qo'Nos. They have in effect taken out orbital assests and are working on the ground to try and remove the council and all aspects of Klingon Life.
You are the sole hope of the Empire as resources are stretched thin to repel these invaders.
Discover why they are attacking and protect the Empire all in an Epic of our time.
Head to JFS 47 System in the Pi Canis Sector to start.
Part 1 fo a 3 part series
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Digimstr
Klingon Mission - The Empire's Dark Day
Author: Digimstr
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNF68C43C
Report Start Part 1
Summary: This is a good combat oriented mission with many extremely tough battles throughout. There is some story dialogue here and there but you should consider adding a few more to help drive the story a little more. By the way the mission is way longer than an hour even without my note taking. I would recommend this mission to any player who likes a lot of very tough battles and very little dialogue; however it was extremely tough on normal so I would not recommend you try this mission on elite level.
The need to balance the battles applies to every map with combat. You have several enemy mobs on top of each other starting on the QonoS Orbit map and continuing on Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds map with extra mobs that appear as you finish off the initial groups. You did spread out the first couple of battles on the Clean the Federation Vermin map but most were still high level groups. Later in that map you began to cluster the groups again. I like combat but the set up was too much and after a while it became tedious. On the QonoS Orbit map I mention that the Final Battle task did not seem to work correctly. As I triggered the map transfer I did see an interact button Deactivate Beacon, so I think there may be a problem with the way you trigger the Final Battle and what is consider completion of the map objectives. Without looking directly at your map set up I cannot be sure but you should look at it. The large group engagement at the end of the Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds map, but I am not sure about the optional tasks on the Clean the Federation Vermin map. I actually got distracted from those optional tasks by the heavy enemy engagements.
Speaking of optional tasks, you placed several on each map and they are a great addition to any mission map; however they did not seem to make any real difference on most of the maps. The use of optional tasks and dialogue is a great idea to enhance a mission map and can be difficult to get to execute properly, even for experienced authors. What youve done so far is a great start but you should consider making a few tweaks to them. For example the optional rescue tasks on the QonoS Orbit map, I found all of them as I went to each satellite repair but there was no support for any of the overwhelming engagements at each satellite. Consider changing these triggers to provide assistance at each of the satellites in turn. The way you would execute this is if the player rescues ship X then ship X appears and helps the player at each satellite engagement after that. If the player does not rescue ship X then they receive no help from ship X. Those same triggers can be made to disappear if the player fails to rescue that particular ship and repairs that satellite. These optional triggers can also be applied to ground optional tasks you created as well.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the start location to read "[MissionInfo]Head to JFS 47 System in the Pi Canis Sector to start[/MissionInfo]". This will make it stand out.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Starfleet is attacking Qo'nos" to read "Starfleet is attacking Qo'noS".
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
Mission Name: The Empire's Dark Day
Author: Digimstr
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Klingon
ST-HNF68C43C
Estimated Mission Length: 45min to 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
The Federation has decided that now is a good time for an assault on Qo'Nos. They have in effect taken out orbital assests and are working on the ground to try and remove the council and all aspects of Klingon Life.
You are the sole hope of the Empire as resources are stretched thin to repel these invaders.
Discover why they are attacking and protect the Empire all in an Epic of our time.
Head to JFS 47 System in the Pi Canis Sector to start.
Part 1 fo a 3 part series
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Digimstr
Klingon Mission - The Empire's Dark Day
Author: Digimstr
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNF68C43C
[B
Report Start Part 2
[/B]
MAPS: The Battle Begins: This is a nice map but it seems unnecessary to the story. The entire dialogue with General Hvantak could have been handled as follow up dialogue from the grant mission dialogue. Then the first custom map start point could be the Kahless Expanse right next to QonoS. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Ship Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], General Hvantak ship the I.K.S. Kom Tak Pir is directly ahead" with a response button "Plot an intercept course and engage" or something along those lines.
-The "General H'vantak" dialogue; consider changing "You will then proceed at your discretion to achieve the objectives the he will tell you need accomplished" to read "At your discretion achieve the objectives outlined by him".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "At once General" or something along those lines".
-The map transfer dialogue response button; consider changing "Make best time to Qo'Nos Com" to read "Set course to Qo'noS, maximum warp".
Qonos Orbit: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name from Qonos Orbit to read QonoS Orbit.
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Ship Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], the operatives ship is directly ahead" with a response button "Take us in" or something along those lines.
-The "I.K.S. Mak'tu Mak" dialogue; "orbital defense Satellites that have" to read "orbital defense satellites that have".
-Consider changing "There is also ships that have been disabled" to read "There are ships that have been disabled".
-Balance the combat. You have at least three mobs of enemy engage the player at each satellite repair point. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-The optional rescue "Klingon Warrior" dialogue; consider changing "I will be ready to assist you inthe future" to read "I will be ready to assist you in the future".
-For each of the optional rescue missions consider adding a couple of invisible object to act as a dialogue and interact triggers then you can give each of the ships names. When the player approaches the initial interact button could be Hail <ship name>. The dialogue that triggers tells the player what they need. Then another interact button appears for them to beam over the supplies or whatever the issue is.
-The respawn point for Repair Satellite Group 2 was all the way back at the initial satellite point.
-The Final Battle did not do anything except trigger the map transfer dialogue.
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Now that the Satllites are back online the Federation will have a much harder time to bring in anymore forces and we are moving to reinforce orbital forces" to read "Now that the satellites are back online the Federation will have a much harder time bringing in anymore ships and we are moving to reinforce the system".
Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Away Team Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], there is a warrior to our right" with a response button "Lets go" or something along those lines.
-The "Ground Contact" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] [LastName], it is good you have made it when you did" to read "[Rank] [LastName], it is good to see help has finally arrived".
-I am not sure about a "warrior" or "captain" only willing to help if I find their "house heirlooms". It is a nice attempt to find a reinforcement trigger but I would suggest something like optional dialogue triggers for the "warriors" and "captain" that if triggered by the player they pledge to help fight. Then when the player engages the Federation forces those warriors and captains will appear and help in the fighting of each Federation engagement. If the player doesn't seek them out they do not appear and help.
-Balance the combat. You have at least two mobs of enemy for the player to engage at each engagement point with additional forces that beam in as you wipe out the initial groups, and on one you have 3 enemy mobs plus the beam in forces. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Consider cutting down on the smoke and dust in the air. It doesnt make it more challenging, it makes it annoying.
-The final battle to enter the great hall appeared to work but you should consider adding a trigger point just outside the combat zone near the great hall that when the player reaches it the final battle is triggered.
Clean the Federation Vermin: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Away Team Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], there is a warrior to our left" with a response button "Lets go" or something along those lines.
-The optional tasks indicated in the Task at hand dialogue is better but consider changing the experimental weapons to gather intelligence on the Federation forces. Then you place the dialogue triggers at each location of the enemy mobs and have them appear once the mobs have been wiped out. Then you add optional dialogue regarding what was found.
-Balance the combat. You spread out the groups but still have made them all high level engagements. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Some of the Remove Team 1 forces are up in the rafters of the main hall. That makes them difficult to find and engage. Consider moving them to the ground floor of the main hall.
-The Finding the lost task; consider moving the trigger point further into the room. I did not see the prisoners until after the dialogue was done and I wanted to find out what the NPC was talking about.
-The Finding the consoles battles need to be better balanced. You have too many high level mobs engaging the player that it makes it extremely difficult to win. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Consider changing the console interact button "Overisde Hall Security" to read "Override Hall Security".
-The mission task states "Reset Primer System" but the button says "Reform Primer Routines".
-Consider adding dialogue from an Away Team BOFF after each console is interacted with indicating what has been fixed.
-The constant shaking combined with the heat waves seem to be unnecessary to the story and are annoying. Consider reducing these once the console tasks are completed.
End Report Part 2
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing a combat oriented mission with some nice optional mission tasks that with a little tweaking will be a great addition to the mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission Title: Strawberries and Cream Part 2
Level: 16+
Project ID: ST-HNLFKR9GB
Faction: Federation
Estimated Time: 20min.-45min.
Method of Delivery: Forum
Description: The Murder lays unsolved, solve it.
Federation Mission - Strawberries and Cream Part 2
Author: Q400
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNLFKR9GB
Report Start
Summary: The mission is okay but need work on maps, battles and dialogue. There are several places where it felt as if the story dialogue assumed the player already knew something that had not been previously covered. For example on the Planet Surface#2: map there is a Hirogen warrior fighting alongside Aliens and Clones but no follow up dialogue from the Away Team BOFFs mentioning how odd it seemed. They could suggest the player investigate the facility. That would be a good bridge in dialogue to explain why we entered the facility instead of blowing it up. There is dialogue on the Cloning Facility Interior map that briefly touches on the why the Hirogen are there but no real details. On the Planet Surface map I noted that there is no dialogue explaining why the Federation is suddenly interfering in the alien cultures use of cloning. The next thing I know I am off to help destroy cloning facilities. I do not think this is related to English being a second language to you, it felt like the dialogue was rushed and not taking into account the other story points from other maps within the mission
One other thing I wanted to mention is optional dialogue. This is an outstanding part of storytelling however the NPC triggered optional dialogue does not go away after the player interacts with the NPC. In this case you really only had the one map with that type of dialogue but I wanted to point it out as another way to improve the story telling without having to create regular storyline dialogue. This can be done by using the hidden object to trigger dialogue that will allow the optional dialogue to be removed based on being triggered or if the player moves on to another map event that you set as a trigger to remove that dialogue. If you are not familiar with how to do this there are several great tutorials available on Starbase UGC and many great authors who are always will to help.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs more story to it. Even if they've played part 1 you still need to draw them in and make them want to click that "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: As with the description you need more story here to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing I have landed here several days ago, as the last was killed to read I arrived here several days ago to replace the other commander who was killed.
MAPS: Planet Surface: This is a nice simple map design. The story needs more development and more detailed dialogue. Without giving too much away, I beam into to investigate a murder and the next thing I know I am off to blow up an alien facility with no real explanation as to why the Federation is interfering in the affairs of another planet.
-The spawn point places the player right up against the wall. Consider moving it out a little further.
-Consider changing all the current "Optional" dialogue to be triggered by a hidden object vice the NPC. This will allow the player to interact with each of the NPCs and then the conversation option will disappear once the player has interacted with them or once a specific trigger you set removes them. From this point forward Ill note this on each map and Ill cover this in more detail in the summary above.
-Consider moving the Civilian Contractor back a little. She is partially on the platform and in the air because of it.
-The "Starfleet Forces Commander" dialogue; consider changing "I cant tell you everything about this planet" to read "I can't tell you anything about this planet". You need to add more story dialogue to this interaction.
-The use of the response button Continue.
-The "Learn more about the planet" dialogue; consider changing "The Rashana Planet II's inhabitants have developed warp capability 13 years ago" to read "The inhabitants of Rashana II developed warp capability 13 years ago".
-Consider changing [MissionInfo]They have been know to clone there population[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]There are indications that the majority of the population is comprised of clones.[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "[Rank], you used did" to read "[Rank], you use to".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "I have recived new orders" to read "I have received new orders".
Planet Surface#2: The map design needs work. There are triggers that make the building disappear right after a Set Charge interaction. With no explanation there are hostile aliens with one Hirogen and clones. The story dialogue doesnt explain anything that is going on via BOFF reports or anything else so at this point I am lost. Since you go on to explain this on the next map you should elude to it via an Away Team BOFF speculation. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button Continue.
-Consider making only one facility interaction available at a time. I got lucky and went to the first one to the left of the spawn point.
-The "Blow Up Facility" task; changing making the "Alien Isometric Charge" invisible until the player interacts with a hidden object trigger. Also move the charge closer to the building.
-The Facility disappeared right after I set the charge before I got to a safe distance.
Cloning Facility Interior: The map design is okay but the combat needs some balancing. The story dialogue explaining the Hirogen needs to have details added to make it more interesting and to drive the story forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the console to something smaller that looks more like it belongs.
-This map has pathing issues that you need to report to the DEVs.
-Balanced battles. You need to balance the battles more. The reinforcements you beamed in to the middle of the Hirogen mobs was wiped out in seconds without even making a dent in their forces.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. While this mission needs some work you are making a lot of progress and I look forward to playing/reviewing your other two missions currently in the queue.
Brian
Hi Evil, please kindly review my first serious attempt at creating a foundry mission. This mission is also part one of what should hopefully be a five mission story arc. I am currently working on part two, hopefully I will be able to publish it in a week or two.
Mission Name: Eclipse #1: Komahashi Maru
Author: intrinsical
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Starfleet
ST-HJBWPEPE9
Estimated Mission Length: Around 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Summary: For your first serious attempt at creating a Foundry mission it is a great mission. It does start out a little slow but picks up rapidly becoming a fun roller coaster of a ride with good twists and turns. You found a good balance of dialogue, interactive tasks and combat that kept me riveted throughout the mission. I do recommend you balance the combat a little more as it was pretty tough on normal and I imagine it would be quite difficult if not impossible on elite. Despite that I would highly recommend this mission to all players who love a great story combined with good interactive tasks and challenging combat.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial mission task should contain the start location for the first custom map. Even though I knew it is located at Starfleet Academy, Main Building, it still took me a few minutes to locate the entrance.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Galaxy Simulation: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "What can you tell me about this course" dialogue; consider changing "My orders was to report here" to read "My orders were to report here".
-Consider changing "Like you, the orders is authentic and anonymous" to read "Like you, the orders are authentic and anonymous"
-From a plot perspective so far the dialogue, "Like you, the orders is authentic and anonymous" seems odd as the player has not mentioned anything about the nature of our orders. If this was intentional to give the player a clue that something is not quite right then their needs to be a response in the dialogue for the player appropriate to that. Perhaps one of the away team BOFFs asks to speak with the player and then mentions the suspicious nature of the commanders dialogue.
-Both Ensign T'Les and Cadet Tang refer to themselves as navigators. Consider changing Cadet Tang to indicate he is a certified Helmsman.
-The Chief Medical Officer and the Botanist are standing to far from the console and is typing in mid air.
-Consider changing "the bird of prey is too fast and maneouverable" to read "the bird of prey is too fast and maneuverable".
Galaxy Interior: This is a great map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written and detailed. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I like your use of the optional dialogue triggers however I can see the martini glasses lying on the deck for each dialogue. Consider lowering the Y axis by about -0.025 or so to bury them in the deck.
-Consider changing Commander Rem Brott post initial dialogue to optional as well so that it goes away after the player has completed all the other optional dialogue. It looked odd when you have completed all the optional dialogue with the other crew members and see an information indicator over her. When you talk to her your only option is All tasks are complete.
-Battle balancing, I understand the effect you are going for with the overwhelming strength of the enemy mobs but try to achieve a little more balance. The fights are pretty tough on normal level so I imagine they would be nearly impossible on elite.
-Consider reworking the location of the holo display platform. The set up seems odd since in order to use the ramps to get to it you have to go down from the trilithium location and all the way around getting to the holo display. Perhaps rotate both platforms so the ramps face the middle of the room and move them to give enough room in between them.
-Consider changing "The Klingons are on a different continent, separated a vast ocean" to read "The Klingons are on a different continent, separated by a vast ocean".
-For the post "Find General M'Bok" dialogue you need to add a barrier that prevents the enemy mobs from engaging the player while they try to finish reading your dialogue. Another option is to set the trigger further down the passage away from the entrance to give the player time to read that dialogue.
-Consider placing another respawn point closer to the General M'Bok battle area.
-Consider changing the Amon Reese appearance animation. It looks good initially but due to the limitation of the Foundry he keeps beaming in over and over again.
Holodeck: This is a good map design with well written story and is a nice wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spawn point appears to be slightly above the ground. When the player spawns they drop to the deck. Check the spawn point position.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/03/2012 on forum posting for: Komahashi Maru.
Alright I'll bite. This is my first time ever creating a mission. This is the "pilot" if you will of an ongoing series im writing. Constructive Critiques are always welcome ^.^ But I will remind you this is my first time ever working with the Foundry so some things might be a little ruff xP
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST- HAP9J34R0
Estimated Mission Length: 15-30min?
Method of Report Delivery: Forum is fine
Thank you for taking the time to check it out! ^.^ Feedback is much appreciated
Summary: This is a good mission with great map designs and a great story concept; however the spelling errors as well as battle balance issues need to be addressed. The spelling issues are clearly indicated on each map below. These include the use of words that do not need to be capitalized in the dialogue. After doing as many reviews as I have and reading the in game reviews that many players post I can tell you that spelling something they will mark you down for. It is distracting from the great story you are trying to tell.
The other issue is battle balancing. Most player, including me, dont mind a challenge in a fight; however when we go into a battle and are inundated with several high level mobs or even a large number of lower level mobs all at once it gets tedious and annoying. When it is extremely difficult to get through the mobs on normal level it will most likely be impossible on elite level. For these reasons I recommend you go back through and try to balance the battles throughout the mission.
One last thing, I recognize that in my evaluations I take my time and methodically go over the maps and dialogue, but your mission length is way underestimated. It is at least an hour probably a little more. Now that is not a problem, especially with the story you have created, and once you correct the spelling and battle balance issues it will be even better. As you go through the map notes below you will see some recommendations to help flesh out the story a little more. One thing I did not mention on those maps is the use of triggered optional dialogue. This is where you use small hidden objects to trigger optional NPC dialogue to help tell a part of the story. The nice thing about this method compared to NPC triggered optional dialogue is when the player is done it goes away. If you are not sure how to so this there are several great tutorials can be found on Starbase UGC that cover a wide range of Foundry tips and tricks to use when developing your missions. There are several authors that are always happy to give suggestions and share tips they have picked up. I highly recommend it.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "simple case of kidnapping The Federation has deemed it nessecary to sent one of their top officers" to read "simple case of kidnapping the Federation has deemed it necessary to send one of their top officers".
-Consider changing "The Waveloid people hold many secrets including secrets of the universe" to read "The Waveloid people hold many secrets including details of the universe".
-Consider changing "Not much is known of them other than whats in the limited Database they gave us upon joining The Federation" to read "Not much is known of them other than what's in the limited database they gave us upon joining the Federation".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank] [LastName]. I've just recieved word from our ambassador to the Wave Empire" to read I've just received word from our ambassador to The Wave Empire".
-Consider changing "We would normally send a normal investigator over a situation like this, but given the fact that there has been no crime or no police force in The Wave Empire for nearly three millenium The Federation has decided to select one of our top officers to help" to read "We would not normally aid in an obvious internal matter such as this situation, but given the fact that there has been no crime nor a police force in the Wave Empire for nearly three millennium, the Federation has decided to select a top officers to help".
Mission Task: Despite the fact that you included the start location for the first custom map in the grant dialogue you should also include it in the initial mission task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: The Wave Empire Star Gate: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Approach Warp Gate" dialogue; consider changing "Please proceed with caution as the Event Horizon is esthablished" to read "Please proceed with caution as the event horizon is established".
-Consider changing "The Event Horizon has now been established" to read "The event horizon has now been established".
-Consider changing "Welcome to The Wave Empire [Rank] [LastName]" to read "Welcome to the Wave Empire [Rank] [LastName]".
-Be cautious about when you trigger the gate anomaly. Not all players, including myself have their ships set to stop on dialogue. They may fly past the anomaly and the trigger while reading your dialogue. This can be mitigated by using a large invisible object as the trigger.
-Additionally because you are using a dock as the gate if the player ship is outside of the dock when they Enter Event Horizon they pivot away from the gate to warp away. Consider replacing the dock with another object like the transwarp gate.
Atlantis: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The object you are using as the entry gateway seemed to work well. Consider using that as the gateway on the previous map to see if the ship turns away to warp.
-Consider changing "reading in the limited Waveloid Database it's just" to read "read in the limited Waveloid database".
-Consider changing "It's not unlike the Transporter except" to read "It's not unlike the transporter except".
-Consider changing "but now your a little smarter" to read "but now you're a little smarter".
-Consider changing "Send a hail for the Docking proceeder sir" to read "Send a hail for the docking procedure sir".
-Plot note; how could the BOFF have sent a hail to receive docking procedures before the ship is in communications range? The response button to the Send a hail dialogue is Helmsman get us into com-range.
-Consider changing the mission task "Wait for Docking Proceder" to read "Wait for Docking Procedure".
-The post "Wait for Docking Proceder" dialogue; consider changing "Please proceed to the Docking Sttion in order to gain access to our capitol planet, Atlantis" to read "Please proceed to the docking station in order to gain access to our capitol planet, Atlantis".
Consider changing "the data stream to bounce of our planet's shield" to read "the data stream to bounce off our planet's shield".
-Consider changing "A sheild dedicated to an entire planet" to read "A shield dedicated to an entire planet".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], Should I continue with the Docking Proceeder" to read "[Rank], should I continue with the docking procedure".
Alright I'll bite. This is my first time ever creating a mission. This is the "pilot" if you will of an ongoing series im writing. Constructive Critiques are always welcome ^.^ But I will remind you this is my first time ever working with the Foundry so some things might be a little ruff xP
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST- HAP9J34R0
Estimated Mission Length: 15-30min?
Method of Report Delivery: Forum is fine
Thank you for taking the time to check it out! ^.^ Feedback is much appreciated
MAPS: Atlantis Docking Station Delta: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Who exactly are the Waveloids" dialogue; consider changing "we aware of what every being in our spiece is experiencing" to read "we are aware of what every being in our species is experiencing".
-Consider changing "I bet its hard to keep your identity" to read "I bet it's hard to keep your indentity".
-Consider changing "judging their character on unknowns we known them instantly" to read "judging their character we know them instantly".
-Consider changing "in our studies every spiece has" to read "in our studies every species has".
-The "Do you know anything about Ascended Uioda" dialogue; consider changing "but Ascended Loriyen wishes to breif you on those matters" to read "but Ascended Loriyen wishes to brief you on those matters".
-The "How do I get to the Ascended Hall" dialogue; consider changing "due to Ascended Uioda's dissapearance" to read "due to Ascended Uioda's disappearance".
-Check all NPC's on this map I found at least four labeled "UGC Contact" including two standing right outside of the transporter room.
Loerina: This is a very nice map design with a lot of details, but the dialogue does not support the need for this map. Consider changing the nature of this map to allow the player to explore the city a little and talk to some of the locals. The map transfer dialogue eludes to the people seeming too good to be true, but how would the player know that since they have interacted with no one other than the Transporter Operator on this map.
-The "Waveloid Transporter Operator" dialogue; consider changing "It would be located directley behind me" to read "It is directly behind me".
Ascended Council: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written but seems rather short. Consider adding a little more detail to the interaction with Ascended Loriyen. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In the initial entry hall the woman levitating the Federation personnel is labeled "UGC Contact". The two security guards are also labeled "UGC Contact".
-All three NPC's in the hall are labeled "UGC Contact".
-All NPC's in the room, except Ascended Loriyen, are labeled "UGC Contact".
-The "Ascended Loriyen" dialogue; consider changing "Step onto the platform on the left of the room" to read "Step onto the platform on the east side of the room".
-The "Already" dialogue; consider changing "No pressure on youu [Rank]" to read "No pressure on you [Rank]".
-Consider changing the response button "I thknk I understand" to read "I think I understand".
Ascended Council Member Uiodas Living Quarters: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post scan dialogue; consider changing the response button "Set Weapons to Kill" to read "Set weapons to kill".
-Consider balancing the battles. By dumping two enemy mobs right on top of the player it forced me to respawn three times. The battle is hard enough on normal and I would bet is almost impossible on elite.
-The post initial battle dialogue; consider changing theres a body over there to read theres a body on the upper level next to the bed. Depending on where the player is when the fighting is done that would make it easier to find the body.
-The post "Check Unidentified Vulcan" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], Shes dead" to read "[Rank], she's dead".
-Consider changing "Well this isnt normal" to read "Well this isn't normal".
-Consider changing "Also, notice theres blood comming" to read "Also notice there's blood coming from".
-Consider changing "use their telepathy on other spieces to manipulate" to read "use their telepathy on other species to manipulate".
-The second battle is far tougher than the initial battle. Again it is tough enough on normal and would probably be impossible on elite.
Ascended Council#2: This is a good map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too.
-Theres several NPCs labeled UGC Contact.
-The "Ascended Loriyen" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Theres a dead Vulcan in Uioda's quarters" to read "There's a dead Vulcan in Uioda's quarters".
-The post "Ambush" dialogue; consider changing "bypass out planet's sheilds" to read "bypass our planet's shields".
Loerina#2: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too.
-Theres several NPCs labeled UGC Contact.
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], The transporter is ready" to read "[Rank], the transporter is ready".
-Consider changing "If we're going to get any indication where Uioda is at she'll be the key" to read "If we're going to get any indication where Uioda is at she may be the only key".
Atlantis Docking Station Delta#2: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Theres several NPCs labeled UGC Contact.
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too.
Atlantis#2: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Plot point: on the planet we battled Devidians and now in orbit we are battling Hirogen. Where is the connection and when was it indicated in the story dialogue?
-Consider changing the mission task Secure area around the Wrap Gate to read Secure the area around the Warp Gate.
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too. I engage a very large group as soon as I spawn, almost getting killed a couple of times to find when Im done Secure area around the Wrap Gate task with 0/4 accomplished. Then you cluster of a battleship and several frigates all around the gate so the player has to engage all of them by themselves at the same time. This is almost impossible to defeat on normal so it is probably completely impossible on elite. Consider spreading out the enemy mobs around the gate to make it more reasonable for the player to engage them by themselves.
-The post "Secure area around Wrap Gate" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] [LastName] of the [ShipName] Please standby" to read "[Rank] [LastName] of the [ShipName], please standby".
-Consider changing the response button "I hope this doesnt take long" to read "I hope this doesn't take long".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I detect Devidians re-enforcements" to read "[Rank], I detect Devidian reinforcements".
-Consider changing the response button "Your Input is noted ." to read "Your input is noted."
-The dialogue "[Rank], I detect Devidians re-enforcements" supports my point regarding the plot issue above for this map.
-Consider changing the response button "The Devidians wont get away with this" to read "The Devidians won't get away with this".
-Consider changing "[Rank], a ship just came through the gate ,and is blocking our course" to read "[Rank], a ship just came through the gate, and is blocking our course".
-The "U.S.S. Eclipse" dialogue; consider changing "I need you to beam her over to my vessel immedieatly" to read "I need you to beam her over to my vessel immediately".
-Consider changing "[Rank], Beam Q'oula over now or face a court marshal" to read "[Rank], beam Q'oula over now or face court martial".
-Consider changing "I can run the scans I need to that your ship's equipment wont be able to find in time" to read "I can run the scans to find the answers I need. Your ship's equipment won't be able to find those answers in time".
-Consider changing "body over immedietly enter the event horizon" to read "body over immediately enter the event horizon".
-Consider changing "Ill be in touch soon" to read "I'll be in touch soon".
End Report Part 2
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You have a good mission that just needs some polishing to make it a great mission. I look forward to reviewing
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/03/2012 on forum posting for: The Wave Empire Series.
Thank you so much for your report! You make some very good points. I prob should learn to take more time to polish lol xP
To your plot point question. I just couldn't find devidian ships. I already hae a nice idea for that plot whole so thank you for noticing it.
I also should mention in the quest tracker the battles are meant to just be for looks.you're supposed to be darting for the exit.
Also the reinforcements didn't show up for you in the last battle? They're supposed to warp in and help you take out the ships near the warp gate.
Well I know what I'll be doing for the next couple days lol.thank you again and I hope I can get your opinion again after I get it polished and also on the next episodes I'll be coming out with ^.^
Thank you so much for your report! You make some very good points. I prob should learn to take more time to polish lol xP
Im glad I could help. Attention to details will save a lot of problems later and help you get higher ratings. Like I said, spelling and grammar are some of the biggest things Ive seen authors lose points over, followed by battle balancing.
I also should mention in the quest tracker the battles are meant to just be for looks.you're supposed to be darting for the exit.
Well several of them are directly in the way. On the Loerina#2 map some of the enemy are right next to the transport platform so engagement is going to happen.
Also the reinforcements didn't show up for you in the last battle? They're supposed to warp in and help you take out the ships near the warp gate.
The reinforcements may have been there but because the spawn point was at least 24km away and is swamped by several enemy mobs they may have been wiped out by the enemy ships at the gate. The player cannot go straight there at any meaningful speed because the enemy mobs immediately engage them.
Well I know what I'll be doing for the next couple days lol.thank you again and I hope I can get your opinion again after I get it polished and also on the next episodes I'll be coming out with ^.^
As always I am happy I could help and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Summary: For your first serious attempt at creating a Foundry mission it is a great mission. It does start out a little slow but picks up rapidly becoming a fun roller coaster of a ride with good twists and turns. You found a good balance of dialogue, interactive tasks and combat that kept me riveted throughout the mission. I do recommend you balance the combat a little more as it was pretty tough on normal and I imagine it would be quite difficult if not impossible on elite. Despite that I would highly recommend this mission to all players who love a great story combined with good interactive tasks and challenging combat.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Thank you for reviewing my mission. I'm very glad that you liked the mission. I am also very grateful for the detailed comments you have provided and have incorporated most of the suggestions and fixes into the mission.
Thank you for reviewing my mission. I'm very glad that you liked the mission. I am also very grateful for the detailed comments you have provided and have incorporated most of the suggestions and fixes into the mission.
I'm glad I was able to help. Keep up the great work.
Hey Evil70th, I just finished making a fresh one up and your last review for me (Salvaged) was immensely helpful in spotting errors and areas that needed polish. So, if you have the time, I present to you...
Mission Name: Preemption (Federation)
Author: Tom_Riker01
Minimum Level: 48+ I believe
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-H02BPWGKY
Estimated Mission Length: Not certain (1 hour or more)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post - or- In Game email, have no preferece.
Hey Evil70th, I just finished making a fresh one up and your last review for me (Salvaged) was immensely helpful in spotting errors and areas that needed polish. So, if you have the time, I present to you...
Mission Name: Preemption (Federation)
Author: Tom_Riker01
Minimum Level: 48+ I believe
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-H02BPWGKY
Estimated Mission Length: Not certain (1 hour or more)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post - or- In Game email, have no preferece.
Hi Tom,
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 4th in the queue behind carbongrip. I have been swamped at work this week and Ive got a lot of homework for my current programming class. Hopefully I will be able to get to the queue before the weekend so I can knock a couple out before the weekend. I will jump on yours as soon as I catch up to it.
I would greatly appreciate a review of my newest mission!
Title: The 14th Rule of Acquisition
Author: Maziken
Faction: KDF
Description: "The Empire has recently come into possession of Romulan holographic technology. Can you assist with the research and development of this technology so that the Empire has a decisive advantage over their enemies?"
This mission is sort of a sequel to "Federation Desperation" but one does not need to have played that mission in order to play this one.
I would greatly appreciate a review of my newest mission!
Title: The 14th Rule of Acquisition
Author: Maziken
Faction: KDF
Description: "The Empire has recently come into possession of Romulan holographic technology. Can you assist with the research and development of this technology so that the Empire has a decisive advantage over their enemies?"
This mission is sort of a sequel to "Federation Desperation" but one does not need to have played that mission in order to play this one.
Hi Maziken,
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 5th in the queue for review behind tom_riker01. Things have been a bit crazy this week at work and Ive been doing a lot of homework for my programming class. With luck Ill get started on the queue by Saturday morning.
Hey, I've got the 6th one for your list, my contest entry for the Current Challenge! As always I appreciate your work and input! "You sir... are my numberone..... *deep-breath-through-teeth*... aaaah'guy."
Mission Name: One Too Many
Author: XR-377
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSYZMF3VC
Estimated Mission Length: 30 - 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Description:"The daughter of "Reg" Barclay is working on Earth Space Dock tracking down a system's bug in the Station's Network. But, as can be expected, she has a problem one too many..."
I've re-done the first episode in The Wave Empire. Hopefully now it flows a lot smoother battle wise, and does not brake immersion due to spelling errors.
The only thing I haven't done is the "open city" feel you talked about once you land in Loerina. I'm afraid that will have to be put on hold till I go back and polish the entire series after all those foundry goodies come out that we keep hearing so much about xD (Crossing fingers for cutscene tools)
I would love for another review when you get the chance. You where such a help the first time I thought I'd ask again. ^.^
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Est. Time: 45min
Hey, I've got the 6th one for your list, my contest entry for the Current Challenge! As always I appreciate your work and input! "You sir... are my numberone..... *deep-breath-through-teeth*... aaaah'guy."
Mission Name: One Too Many
Author: XR-377
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSYZMF3VC
Estimated Mission Length: 30 - 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Description:"The daughter of "Reg" Barclay is working on Earth Space Dock tracking down a system's bug in the Station's Network. But, as can be expected, she has a problem one too many..."
Hey XR-377,
Thanks for the review request and I'm glad I can be of assistance. You are correct and are currently 6th in the queue behind Maziken. I hope to get started on the queue this weekend.
I've re-done the first episode in The Wave Empire. Hopefully now it flows a lot smoother battle wise, and does not brake immersion due to spelling errors.
The only thing I haven't done is the "open city" feel you talked about once you land in Loerina. I'm afraid that will have to be put on hold till I go back and polish the entire series after all those foundry goodies come out that we keep hearing so much about xD (Crossing fingers for cutscene tools)
I would love for another review when you get the chance. You where such a help the first time I thought I'd ask again. ^.^
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Est. Time: 45min
Hi Skyline,
Thanks for the re-review request. You are currently 7th on the queue behind XR-377. As always I am happy to help and hopefully I will get through the queue to yours before the end of the weekend.
Thanks for the re-review request. You are currently 7th on the queue behind XR-377. As always I am happy to help and hopefully I will get through the queue to yours before the end of the weekend.
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 2nd in the queue behind AJStoner. I should be getting started on his this evening or first thing in the morning. Then I should be on to yours shortly after that.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thank you for your feedback. After reading your report and talking with others who have run this mission I have been working on the revamp to try and accomplish a couple of things. Remove unneeded transions like the first map as well as move it to closer to Qo'noS, I have also been working on adding story line material in hopes to move story as well as set up part 2, and finally I have been working on balancing the fights.
Sorry for the delay in response had personal issues I had to address but have taken notes and will be responding back for you to try the changes once I can complete the rework.
Comments
Thank you ^.^ I look forward to hearing your report.
Q400 Daily: Deals - Series 2
Level Requirement: Any
Faction: Federation
Handle: @Q400
Description:
For, " Investigate officer reports."
Hunter/Killer: Part 1/5
Level Requirement: 31+
Faction:Klingon
Handle:@Q400
Description:
Hunter Killer Group 3 - Kahless, was charged with finding and destroying prototype and high-importance federation ships.
Hey Q400,
Thanks for the additional review requests. These missions have been added to the queue and are 5th and 6th for review behind Skyline45. I will get to them as soon as possible.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Glad I could help. It was a fun mission amd as I said I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Klingon Mission - The Empire's Dark Day
Author: Digimstr
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNF68C43C
Report Start Part 1
Summary: This is a good combat oriented mission with many extremely tough battles throughout. There is some story dialogue here and there but you should consider adding a few more to help drive the story a little more. By the way the mission is way longer than an hour even without my note taking. I would recommend this mission to any player who likes a lot of very tough battles and very little dialogue; however it was extremely tough on normal so I would not recommend you try this mission on elite level.
The need to balance the battles applies to every map with combat. You have several enemy mobs on top of each other starting on the QonoS Orbit map and continuing on Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds map with extra mobs that appear as you finish off the initial groups. You did spread out the first couple of battles on the Clean the Federation Vermin map but most were still high level groups. Later in that map you began to cluster the groups again. I like combat but the set up was too much and after a while it became tedious. On the QonoS Orbit map I mention that the Final Battle task did not seem to work correctly. As I triggered the map transfer I did see an interact button Deactivate Beacon, so I think there may be a problem with the way you trigger the Final Battle and what is consider completion of the map objectives. Without looking directly at your map set up I cannot be sure but you should look at it. The large group engagement at the end of the Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds map, but I am not sure about the optional tasks on the Clean the Federation Vermin map. I actually got distracted from those optional tasks by the heavy enemy engagements.
Speaking of optional tasks, you placed several on each map and they are a great addition to any mission map; however they did not seem to make any real difference on most of the maps. The use of optional tasks and dialogue is a great idea to enhance a mission map and can be difficult to get to execute properly, even for experienced authors. What youve done so far is a great start but you should consider making a few tweaks to them. For example the optional rescue tasks on the QonoS Orbit map, I found all of them as I went to each satellite repair but there was no support for any of the overwhelming engagements at each satellite. Consider changing these triggers to provide assistance at each of the satellites in turn. The way you would execute this is if the player rescues ship X then ship X appears and helps the player at each satellite engagement after that. If the player does not rescue ship X then they receive no help from ship X. Those same triggers can be made to disappear if the player fails to rescue that particular ship and repairs that satellite. These optional triggers can also be applied to ground optional tasks you created as well.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the start location to read "[MissionInfo]Head to JFS 47 System in the Pi Canis Sector to start[/MissionInfo]". This will make it stand out.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Starfleet is attacking Qo'nos" to read "Starfleet is attacking Qo'noS".
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
End Report Part 1
Klingon Mission - The Empire's Dark Day
Author: Digimstr
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNF68C43C
[B
Report Start Part 2
[/B]
MAPS:
The Battle Begins: This is a nice map but it seems unnecessary to the story. The entire dialogue with General Hvantak could have been handled as follow up dialogue from the grant mission dialogue. Then the first custom map start point could be the Kahless Expanse right next to QonoS. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Ship Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], General Hvantak ship the I.K.S. Kom Tak Pir is directly ahead" with a response button "Plot an intercept course and engage" or something along those lines.
-The "General H'vantak" dialogue; consider changing "You will then proceed at your discretion to achieve the objectives the he will tell you need accomplished" to read "At your discretion achieve the objectives outlined by him".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "At once General" or something along those lines".
-The map transfer dialogue response button; consider changing "Make best time to Qo'Nos Com" to read "Set course to Qo'noS, maximum warp".
Qonos Orbit: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name from Qonos Orbit to read QonoS Orbit.
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Ship Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], the operatives ship is directly ahead" with a response button "Take us in" or something along those lines.
-The "I.K.S. Mak'tu Mak" dialogue; "orbital defense Satellites that have" to read "orbital defense satellites that have".
-Consider changing "There is also ships that have been disabled" to read "There are ships that have been disabled".
-Balance the combat. You have at least three mobs of enemy engage the player at each satellite repair point. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-The optional rescue "Klingon Warrior" dialogue; consider changing "I will be ready to assist you inthe future" to read "I will be ready to assist you in the future".
-For each of the optional rescue missions consider adding a couple of invisible object to act as a dialogue and interact triggers then you can give each of the ships names. When the player approaches the initial interact button could be Hail <ship name>. The dialogue that triggers tells the player what they need. Then another interact button appears for them to beam over the supplies or whatever the issue is.
-The respawn point for Repair Satellite Group 2 was all the way back at the initial satellite point.
-The Final Battle did not do anything except trigger the map transfer dialogue.
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Now that the Satllites are back online the Federation will have a much harder time to bring in anymore forces and we are moving to reinforce orbital forces" to read "Now that the satellites are back online the Federation will have a much harder time bringing in anymore ships and we are moving to reinforce the system".
Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Away Team Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], there is a warrior to our right" with a response button "Lets go" or something along those lines.
-The "Ground Contact" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] [LastName], it is good you have made it when you did" to read "[Rank] [LastName], it is good to see help has finally arrived".
-I am not sure about a "warrior" or "captain" only willing to help if I find their "house heirlooms". It is a nice attempt to find a reinforcement trigger but I would suggest something like optional dialogue triggers for the "warriors" and "captain" that if triggered by the player they pledge to help fight. Then when the player engages the Federation forces those warriors and captains will appear and help in the fighting of each Federation engagement. If the player doesn't seek them out they do not appear and help.
-Balance the combat. You have at least two mobs of enemy for the player to engage at each engagement point with additional forces that beam in as you wipe out the initial groups, and on one you have 3 enemy mobs plus the beam in forces. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Consider cutting down on the smoke and dust in the air. It doesnt make it more challenging, it makes it annoying.
-The final battle to enter the great hall appeared to work but you should consider adding a trigger point just outside the combat zone near the great hall that when the player reaches it the final battle is triggered.
Clean the Federation Vermin: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Away Team Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], there is a warrior to our left" with a response button "Lets go" or something along those lines.
-The optional tasks indicated in the Task at hand dialogue is better but consider changing the experimental weapons to gather intelligence on the Federation forces. Then you place the dialogue triggers at each location of the enemy mobs and have them appear once the mobs have been wiped out. Then you add optional dialogue regarding what was found.
-Balance the combat. You spread out the groups but still have made them all high level engagements. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Some of the Remove Team 1 forces are up in the rafters of the main hall. That makes them difficult to find and engage. Consider moving them to the ground floor of the main hall.
-The Finding the lost task; consider moving the trigger point further into the room. I did not see the prisoners until after the dialogue was done and I wanted to find out what the NPC was talking about.
-The Finding the consoles battles need to be better balanced. You have too many high level mobs engaging the player that it makes it extremely difficult to win. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Consider changing the console interact button "Overisde Hall Security" to read "Override Hall Security".
-The mission task states "Reset Primer System" but the button says "Reform Primer Routines".
-Consider adding dialogue from an Away Team BOFF after each console is interacted with indicating what has been fixed.
-The constant shaking combined with the heat waves seem to be unnecessary to the story and are annoying. Consider reducing these once the console tasks are completed.
End Report Part 2
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing a combat oriented mission with some nice optional mission tasks that with a little tweaking will be a great addition to the mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/02/2012 on forum posting for: The Empire's Dark Day (a KDF Mission)
Federation Mission - Strawberries and Cream Part 2
Author: Q400
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNLFKR9GB
Report Start
Summary: The mission is okay but need work on maps, battles and dialogue. There are several places where it felt as if the story dialogue assumed the player already knew something that had not been previously covered. For example on the Planet Surface#2: map there is a Hirogen warrior fighting alongside Aliens and Clones but no follow up dialogue from the Away Team BOFFs mentioning how odd it seemed. They could suggest the player investigate the facility. That would be a good bridge in dialogue to explain why we entered the facility instead of blowing it up. There is dialogue on the Cloning Facility Interior map that briefly touches on the why the Hirogen are there but no real details. On the Planet Surface map I noted that there is no dialogue explaining why the Federation is suddenly interfering in the alien cultures use of cloning. The next thing I know I am off to help destroy cloning facilities. I do not think this is related to English being a second language to you, it felt like the dialogue was rushed and not taking into account the other story points from other maps within the mission
One other thing I wanted to mention is optional dialogue. This is an outstanding part of storytelling however the NPC triggered optional dialogue does not go away after the player interacts with the NPC. In this case you really only had the one map with that type of dialogue but I wanted to point it out as another way to improve the story telling without having to create regular storyline dialogue. This can be done by using the hidden object to trigger dialogue that will allow the optional dialogue to be removed based on being triggered or if the player moves on to another map event that you set as a trigger to remove that dialogue. If you are not familiar with how to do this there are several great tutorials available on Starbase UGC and many great authors who are always will to help.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs more story to it. Even if they've played part 1 you still need to draw them in and make them want to click that "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: As with the description you need more story here to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing I have landed here several days ago, as the last was killed to read I arrived here several days ago to replace the other commander who was killed.
MAPS:
Planet Surface: This is a nice simple map design. The story needs more development and more detailed dialogue. Without giving too much away, I beam into to investigate a murder and the next thing I know I am off to blow up an alien facility with no real explanation as to why the Federation is interfering in the affairs of another planet.
-The spawn point places the player right up against the wall. Consider moving it out a little further.
-Consider changing all the current "Optional" dialogue to be triggered by a hidden object vice the NPC. This will allow the player to interact with each of the NPCs and then the conversation option will disappear once the player has interacted with them or once a specific trigger you set removes them. From this point forward Ill note this on each map and Ill cover this in more detail in the summary above.
-Consider moving the Civilian Contractor back a little. She is partially on the platform and in the air because of it.
-The "Starfleet Forces Commander" dialogue; consider changing "I cant tell you everything about this planet" to read "I can't tell you anything about this planet". You need to add more story dialogue to this interaction.
-The use of the response button Continue.
-The "Learn more about the planet" dialogue; consider changing "The Rashana Planet II's inhabitants have developed warp capability 13 years ago" to read "The inhabitants of Rashana II developed warp capability 13 years ago".
-Consider changing [MissionInfo]They have been know to clone there population[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]There are indications that the majority of the population is comprised of clones.[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider changing "[Rank], you used did" to read "[Rank], you use to".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "I have recived new orders" to read "I have received new orders".
Planet Surface#2: The map design needs work. There are triggers that make the building disappear right after a Set Charge interaction. With no explanation there are hostile aliens with one Hirogen and clones. The story dialogue doesnt explain anything that is going on via BOFF reports or anything else so at this point I am lost. Since you go on to explain this on the next map you should elude to it via an Away Team BOFF speculation. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button Continue.
-Consider making only one facility interaction available at a time. I got lucky and went to the first one to the left of the spawn point.
-The "Blow Up Facility" task; changing making the "Alien Isometric Charge" invisible until the player interacts with a hidden object trigger. Also move the charge closer to the building.
-The Facility disappeared right after I set the charge before I got to a safe distance.
Cloning Facility Interior: The map design is okay but the combat needs some balancing. The story dialogue explaining the Hirogen needs to have details added to make it more interesting and to drive the story forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the console to something smaller that looks more like it belongs.
-This map has pathing issues that you need to report to the DEVs.
-Balanced battles. You need to balance the battles more. The reinforcements you beamed in to the middle of the Hirogen mobs was wiped out in seconds without even making a dent in their forces.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. While this mission needs some work you are making a lot of progress and I look forward to playing/reviewing your other two missions currently in the queue.
Brian
As always, I'm glad I could help.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Eclipse #1: Komahashi Maru
Author: intrinsica
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJBWPEPE9
Report Start
Summary: For your first serious attempt at creating a Foundry mission it is a great mission. It does start out a little slow but picks up rapidly becoming a fun roller coaster of a ride with good twists and turns. You found a good balance of dialogue, interactive tasks and combat that kept me riveted throughout the mission. I do recommend you balance the combat a little more as it was pretty tough on normal and I imagine it would be quite difficult if not impossible on elite. Despite that I would highly recommend this mission to all players who love a great story combined with good interactive tasks and challenging combat.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial mission task should contain the start location for the first custom map. Even though I knew it is located at Starfleet Academy, Main Building, it still took me a few minutes to locate the entrance.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Galaxy Simulation: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "What can you tell me about this course" dialogue; consider changing "My orders was to report here" to read "My orders were to report here".
-Consider changing "Like you, the orders is authentic and anonymous" to read "Like you, the orders are authentic and anonymous"
-From a plot perspective so far the dialogue, "Like you, the orders is authentic and anonymous" seems odd as the player has not mentioned anything about the nature of our orders. If this was intentional to give the player a clue that something is not quite right then their needs to be a response in the dialogue for the player appropriate to that. Perhaps one of the away team BOFFs asks to speak with the player and then mentions the suspicious nature of the commanders dialogue.
-Both Ensign T'Les and Cadet Tang refer to themselves as navigators. Consider changing Cadet Tang to indicate he is a certified Helmsman.
-The Chief Medical Officer and the Botanist are standing to far from the console and is typing in mid air.
-Consider changing "the bird of prey is too fast and maneouverable" to read "the bird of prey is too fast and maneuverable".
Galaxy Interior: This is a great map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written and detailed. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I like your use of the optional dialogue triggers however I can see the martini glasses lying on the deck for each dialogue. Consider lowering the Y axis by about -0.025 or so to bury them in the deck.
-Consider changing Commander Rem Brott post initial dialogue to optional as well so that it goes away after the player has completed all the other optional dialogue. It looked odd when you have completed all the optional dialogue with the other crew members and see an information indicator over her. When you talk to her your only option is All tasks are complete.
-Battle balancing, I understand the effect you are going for with the overwhelming strength of the enemy mobs but try to achieve a little more balance. The fights are pretty tough on normal level so I imagine they would be nearly impossible on elite.
-Consider reworking the location of the holo display platform. The set up seems odd since in order to use the ramps to get to it you have to go down from the trilithium location and all the way around getting to the holo display. Perhaps rotate both platforms so the ramps face the middle of the room and move them to give enough room in between them.
-Consider changing "The Klingons are on a different continent, separated a vast ocean" to read "The Klingons are on a different continent, separated by a vast ocean".
-For the post "Find General M'Bok" dialogue you need to add a barrier that prevents the enemy mobs from engaging the player while they try to finish reading your dialogue. Another option is to set the trigger further down the passage away from the entrance to give the player time to read that dialogue.
-Consider placing another respawn point closer to the General M'Bok battle area.
-Consider changing the Amon Reese appearance animation. It looks good initially but due to the limitation of the Foundry he keeps beaming in over and over again.
Holodeck: This is a good map design with well written story and is a nice wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spawn point appears to be slightly above the ground. When the player spawns they drop to the deck. Check the spawn point position.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/03/2012 on forum posting for: Komahashi Maru.
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Report Start Part 1
Summary: This is a good mission with great map designs and a great story concept; however the spelling errors as well as battle balance issues need to be addressed. The spelling issues are clearly indicated on each map below. These include the use of words that do not need to be capitalized in the dialogue. After doing as many reviews as I have and reading the in game reviews that many players post I can tell you that spelling something they will mark you down for. It is distracting from the great story you are trying to tell.
The other issue is battle balancing. Most player, including me, dont mind a challenge in a fight; however when we go into a battle and are inundated with several high level mobs or even a large number of lower level mobs all at once it gets tedious and annoying. When it is extremely difficult to get through the mobs on normal level it will most likely be impossible on elite level. For these reasons I recommend you go back through and try to balance the battles throughout the mission.
One last thing, I recognize that in my evaluations I take my time and methodically go over the maps and dialogue, but your mission length is way underestimated. It is at least an hour probably a little more. Now that is not a problem, especially with the story you have created, and once you correct the spelling and battle balance issues it will be even better. As you go through the map notes below you will see some recommendations to help flesh out the story a little more. One thing I did not mention on those maps is the use of triggered optional dialogue. This is where you use small hidden objects to trigger optional NPC dialogue to help tell a part of the story. The nice thing about this method compared to NPC triggered optional dialogue is when the player is done it goes away. If you are not sure how to so this there are several great tutorials can be found on Starbase UGC that cover a wide range of Foundry tips and tricks to use when developing your missions. There are several authors that are always happy to give suggestions and share tips they have picked up. I highly recommend it.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "simple case of kidnapping The Federation has deemed it nessecary to sent one of their top officers" to read "simple case of kidnapping the Federation has deemed it necessary to send one of their top officers".
-Consider changing "The Waveloid people hold many secrets including secrets of the universe" to read "The Waveloid people hold many secrets including details of the universe".
-Consider changing "Not much is known of them other than whats in the limited Database they gave us upon joining The Federation" to read "Not much is known of them other than what's in the limited database they gave us upon joining the Federation".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank] [LastName]. I've just recieved word from our ambassador to the Wave Empire" to read I've just received word from our ambassador to The Wave Empire".
-Consider changing "We would normally send a normal investigator over a situation like this, but given the fact that there has been no crime or no police force in The Wave Empire for nearly three millenium The Federation has decided to select one of our top officers to help" to read "We would not normally aid in an obvious internal matter such as this situation, but given the fact that there has been no crime nor a police force in the Wave Empire for nearly three millennium, the Federation has decided to select a top officers to help".
Mission Task: Despite the fact that you included the start location for the first custom map in the grant dialogue you should also include it in the initial mission task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
The Wave Empire Star Gate: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Approach Warp Gate" dialogue; consider changing "Please proceed with caution as the Event Horizon is esthablished" to read "Please proceed with caution as the event horizon is established".
-Consider changing "The Event Horizon has now been established" to read "The event horizon has now been established".
-Consider changing "Welcome to The Wave Empire [Rank] [LastName]" to read "Welcome to the Wave Empire [Rank] [LastName]".
-Be cautious about when you trigger the gate anomaly. Not all players, including myself have their ships set to stop on dialogue. They may fly past the anomaly and the trigger while reading your dialogue. This can be mitigated by using a large invisible object as the trigger.
-Additionally because you are using a dock as the gate if the player ship is outside of the dock when they Enter Event Horizon they pivot away from the gate to warp away. Consider replacing the dock with another object like the transwarp gate.
Atlantis: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The object you are using as the entry gateway seemed to work well. Consider using that as the gateway on the previous map to see if the ship turns away to warp.
-Consider changing "reading in the limited Waveloid Database it's just" to read "read in the limited Waveloid database".
-Consider changing "It's not unlike the Transporter except" to read "It's not unlike the transporter except".
-Consider changing "but now your a little smarter" to read "but now you're a little smarter".
-Consider changing "Send a hail for the Docking proceeder sir" to read "Send a hail for the docking procedure sir".
-Plot note; how could the BOFF have sent a hail to receive docking procedures before the ship is in communications range? The response button to the Send a hail dialogue is Helmsman get us into com-range.
-Consider changing the mission task "Wait for Docking Proceder" to read "Wait for Docking Procedure".
-The post "Wait for Docking Proceder" dialogue; consider changing "Please proceed to the Docking Sttion in order to gain access to our capitol planet, Atlantis" to read "Please proceed to the docking station in order to gain access to our capitol planet, Atlantis".
Consider changing "the data stream to bounce of our planet's shield" to read "the data stream to bounce off our planet's shield".
-Consider changing "A sheild dedicated to an entire planet" to read "A shield dedicated to an entire planet".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], Should I continue with the Docking Proceeder" to read "[Rank], should I continue with the docking procedure".
End Report Part 1
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Report Start Part 2
MAPS:
Atlantis Docking Station Delta: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Who exactly are the Waveloids" dialogue; consider changing "we aware of what every being in our spiece is experiencing" to read "we are aware of what every being in our species is experiencing".
-Consider changing "I bet its hard to keep your identity" to read "I bet it's hard to keep your indentity".
-Consider changing "judging their character on unknowns we known them instantly" to read "judging their character we know them instantly".
-Consider changing "in our studies every spiece has" to read "in our studies every species has".
-The "Do you know anything about Ascended Uioda" dialogue; consider changing "but Ascended Loriyen wishes to breif you on those matters" to read "but Ascended Loriyen wishes to brief you on those matters".
-The "How do I get to the Ascended Hall" dialogue; consider changing "due to Ascended Uioda's dissapearance" to read "due to Ascended Uioda's disappearance".
-Check all NPC's on this map I found at least four labeled "UGC Contact" including two standing right outside of the transporter room.
Loerina: This is a very nice map design with a lot of details, but the dialogue does not support the need for this map. Consider changing the nature of this map to allow the player to explore the city a little and talk to some of the locals. The map transfer dialogue eludes to the people seeming too good to be true, but how would the player know that since they have interacted with no one other than the Transporter Operator on this map.
-The "Waveloid Transporter Operator" dialogue; consider changing "It would be located directley behind me" to read "It is directly behind me".
Ascended Council: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written but seems rather short. Consider adding a little more detail to the interaction with Ascended Loriyen. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In the initial entry hall the woman levitating the Federation personnel is labeled "UGC Contact". The two security guards are also labeled "UGC Contact".
-All three NPC's in the hall are labeled "UGC Contact".
-All NPC's in the room, except Ascended Loriyen, are labeled "UGC Contact".
-The "Ascended Loriyen" dialogue; consider changing "Step onto the platform on the left of the room" to read "Step onto the platform on the east side of the room".
-The "Already" dialogue; consider changing "No pressure on youu [Rank]" to read "No pressure on you [Rank]".
-Consider changing the response button "I thknk I understand" to read "I think I understand".
Ascended Council Member Uiodas Living Quarters: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post scan dialogue; consider changing the response button "Set Weapons to Kill" to read "Set weapons to kill".
-Consider balancing the battles. By dumping two enemy mobs right on top of the player it forced me to respawn three times. The battle is hard enough on normal and I would bet is almost impossible on elite.
-The post initial battle dialogue; consider changing theres a body over there to read theres a body on the upper level next to the bed. Depending on where the player is when the fighting is done that would make it easier to find the body.
-The post "Check Unidentified Vulcan" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], Shes dead" to read "[Rank], she's dead".
-Consider changing "Well this isnt normal" to read "Well this isn't normal".
-Consider changing "Also, notice theres blood comming" to read "Also notice there's blood coming from".
-Consider changing "use their telepathy on other spieces to manipulate" to read "use their telepathy on other species to manipulate".
-The second battle is far tougher than the initial battle. Again it is tough enough on normal and would probably be impossible on elite.
Ascended Council#2: This is a good map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too.
-Theres several NPCs labeled UGC Contact.
-The "Ascended Loriyen" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Theres a dead Vulcan in Uioda's quarters" to read "There's a dead Vulcan in Uioda's quarters".
-The post "Ambush" dialogue; consider changing "bypass out planet's sheilds" to read "bypass our planet's shields".
Loerina#2: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too.
-Theres several NPCs labeled UGC Contact.
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], The transporter is ready" to read "[Rank], the transporter is ready".
-Consider changing "If we're going to get any indication where Uioda is at she'll be the key" to read "If we're going to get any indication where Uioda is at she may be the only key".
Atlantis Docking Station Delta#2: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Theres several NPCs labeled UGC Contact.
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too.
Atlantis#2: This is a nice map design but there needs to be a little more attention to some of the details. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Plot point: on the planet we battled Devidians and now in orbit we are battling Hirogen. Where is the connection and when was it indicated in the story dialogue?
-Consider changing the mission task Secure area around the Wrap Gate to read Secure the area around the Warp Gate.
-Consider balancing the battle on this map too. I engage a very large group as soon as I spawn, almost getting killed a couple of times to find when Im done Secure area around the Wrap Gate task with 0/4 accomplished. Then you cluster of a battleship and several frigates all around the gate so the player has to engage all of them by themselves at the same time. This is almost impossible to defeat on normal so it is probably completely impossible on elite. Consider spreading out the enemy mobs around the gate to make it more reasonable for the player to engage them by themselves.
-The post "Secure area around Wrap Gate" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] [LastName] of the [ShipName] Please standby" to read "[Rank] [LastName] of the [ShipName], please standby".
-Consider changing the response button "I hope this doesnt take long" to read "I hope this doesn't take long".
-Consider changing "[Rank], I detect Devidians re-enforcements" to read "[Rank], I detect Devidian reinforcements".
-Consider changing the response button "Your Input is noted ." to read "Your input is noted."
-The dialogue "[Rank], I detect Devidians re-enforcements" supports my point regarding the plot issue above for this map.
-Consider changing the response button "The Devidians wont get away with this" to read "The Devidians won't get away with this".
-Consider changing "[Rank], a ship just came through the gate ,and is blocking our course" to read "[Rank], a ship just came through the gate, and is blocking our course".
-The "U.S.S. Eclipse" dialogue; consider changing "I need you to beam her over to my vessel immedieatly" to read "I need you to beam her over to my vessel immediately".
-Consider changing "[Rank], Beam Q'oula over now or face a court marshal" to read "[Rank], beam Q'oula over now or face court martial".
-Consider changing "I can run the scans I need to that your ship's equipment wont be able to find in time" to read "I can run the scans to find the answers I need. Your ship's equipment won't be able to find those answers in time".
-Consider changing "body over immedietly enter the event horizon" to read "body over immediately enter the event horizon".
-Consider changing "Ill be in touch soon" to read "I'll be in touch soon".
End Report Part 2
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You have a good mission that just needs some polishing to make it a great mission. I look forward to reviewing
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/03/2012 on forum posting for: The Wave Empire Series.
To your plot point question. I just couldn't find devidian ships. I already hae a nice idea for that plot whole so thank you for noticing it.
I also should mention in the quest tracker the battles are meant to just be for looks.you're supposed to be darting for the exit.
Also the reinforcements didn't show up for you in the last battle? They're supposed to warp in and help you take out the ships near the warp gate.
Well I know what I'll be doing for the next couple days lol.thank you again and I hope I can get your opinion again after I get it polished and also on the next episodes I'll be coming out with ^.^
Mission Name: Battle of Station 234
Author: carbongrip
Allegiance: Starfleet
Level: any
Im glad I could help. Attention to details will save a lot of problems later and help you get higher ratings. Like I said, spelling and grammar are some of the biggest things Ive seen authors lose points over, followed by battle balancing.
Glad I could help. That is weird that there are no Devidian ships available in the Foundry. Still it jumped out at me as odd with the Hirogen.
Well several of them are directly in the way. On the Loerina#2 map some of the enemy are right next to the transport platform so engagement is going to happen.
The reinforcements may have been there but because the spawn point was at least 24km away and is swamped by several enemy mobs they may have been wiped out by the enemy ships at the gate. The player cannot go straight there at any meaningful speed because the enemy mobs immediately engage them.
As always I am happy I could help and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi carbongrip,
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 3rd in the queue behind Q400. I hope to continue the reviews no later than tomorrow evening.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thank you for reviewing my mission. I'm very glad that you liked the mission. I am also very grateful for the detailed comments you have provided and have incorporated most of the suggestions and fixes into the mission.
I'm glad I was able to help. Keep up the great work.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Mission Name: Preemption (Federation)
Author: Tom_Riker01
Minimum Level: 48+ I believe
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-H02BPWGKY
Estimated Mission Length: Not certain (1 hour or more)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post - or- In Game email, have no preferece.
Hi Tom,
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 4th in the queue behind carbongrip. I have been swamped at work this week and Ive got a lot of homework for my current programming class. Hopefully I will be able to get to the queue before the weekend so I can knock a couple out before the weekend. I will jump on yours as soon as I catch up to it.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Title: The 14th Rule of Acquisition
Author: Maziken
Faction: KDF
Description: "The Empire has recently come into possession of Romulan holographic technology. Can you assist with the research and development of this technology so that the Empire has a decisive advantage over their enemies?"
This mission is sort of a sequel to "Federation Desperation" but one does not need to have played that mission in order to play this one.
Hi Maziken,
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 5th in the queue for review behind tom_riker01. Things have been a bit crazy this week at work and Ive been doing a lot of homework for my programming class. With luck Ill get started on the queue by Saturday morning.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Mission Name: One Too Many
Author: XR-377
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSYZMF3VC
Estimated Mission Length: 30 - 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Description:"The daughter of "Reg" Barclay is working on Earth Space Dock tracking down a system's bug in the Station's Network. But, as can be expected, she has a problem one too many..."
The only thing I haven't done is the "open city" feel you talked about once you land in Loerina. I'm afraid that will have to be put on hold till I go back and polish the entire series after all those foundry goodies come out that we keep hearing so much about xD (Crossing fingers for cutscene tools)
I would love for another review when you get the chance. You where such a help the first time I thought I'd ask again. ^.^
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Est. Time: 45min
Hey XR-377,
Thanks for the review request and I'm glad I can be of assistance. You are correct and are currently 6th in the queue behind Maziken. I hope to get started on the queue this weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Skyline,
Thanks for the re-review request. You are currently 7th on the queue behind XR-377. As always I am happy to help and hopefully I will get through the queue to yours before the end of the weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Awesome I look forward to your report! ^.^
Thank you for your feedback. After reading your report and talking with others who have run this mission I have been working on the revamp to try and accomplish a couple of things. Remove unneeded transions like the first map as well as move it to closer to Qo'noS, I have also been working on adding story line material in hopes to move story as well as set up part 2, and finally I have been working on balancing the fights.
Sorry for the delay in response had personal issues I had to address but have taken notes and will be responding back for you to try the changes once I can complete the rework.