Lohlunut Festival: Reverse Summerology

hawku001x

A thread for fan fiction entries, but based on the Risa Lohlunat Festival.

- Discussion thread can be found here

hawku001x

Sea of Artifacts

The Dominion vanguard heavy raider D.V. Lyngon-5328 dropped warp at Risa. Kurok’Tekan beamed down to the resort dock where a whirlwind of excitement and activity by aliens of all species and factions flourished over the Lohlunut Festival.

"First to Feylou. Confirming I have entered the erratic populace without weapons, as ordered," he tapped his wrist device.

The communique was re-routed through long-range subspace. "Excellent! Like we discussed, I want you to experience the festivities and learn to have something the Alpha Quadrantians call ‘fun’. Vorta, out!"

"Fun?" Kurok’Tekan repeated in confusion to himself before he realized a Romulan female in Risian summer-wear was leaning against a protruding dock pole next to him, staring.

She jerked her chin up in acknowledgement of him. "Fun: An accelerated exploration of frivolity and an appreciation for the absurd."

"Jem'Hadar do not have 'fun'," Kurok'Tekan asserted. "We succeed in 'victory' and maintain stone-faced non-reactions when achieved."

The woman tossed him an object. "Would you consider this stone-faced-worthy? A replica Tox Uthat artifact. Whoever finds the rarest objects around here becomes the most victorious of them all." She smirked. "I'm Captain Kitsu of the R.R.W. Sentinel. I could use a man of your bait."

"It would seem you have a misplaced faculty on how to utilize Jem'Hadar, but very well."

---

With Kurok'Tekan now in Risa-appropriate wear, the two had been scanning for hours through the sandy pathways around the tropical island mountains. Kitsu then glimpsed Kurok’Tekan’s settings.

"Ah, well there’s your problem. You have it on Burnham instead of Original Kirk,” she pointed to his tricorder. “She was an earlier, more dramatically flawed incarnation with supposedly Vulcan attributes, but you’re never going to get that retro aesthetic.”

The Jem’Hadar First recalibrated the device and the two were immediately presented with a rapid alert notification.

“Yes! There’s a mound of protruding sand over there, as if someone didn’t understand what burying actually is!” Kitsu exclaimed before tapping his shoulder to indicate Kurok’Tekan to continue while she hid.

The scaly, reptilian-like man approached and dug out the artifact, discovering a collector’s plate. “George and Gracie,” he examined before realizing, “It would appear I had the tricorder set to Original Blouse Kirk.”

"That's the worst one, but I'll take it over any universe-version, any day!" exclaimed the cry of a Klingon warrior dropping a flying kick for Kurok'Tekan out of nowhere, not expecting his attacking leg to be intercepted by Kitsu.

The now-revealed Romulan woman flung him around, repowering his momentum to send him several meters away. "So, there you are, Captain Kadaj of the I.K.S. Zampano. Done addicting to Augment injections?"

"As done as you are with Iconian antiproton cell infusion," Kadaj replied, landing on his feet and taking a fighting stance.

Kurok'Tekan watched as the two opponents ran for each other and began clashing fist after wrist after fist. "It appears as if you are acquainted by some commonality of body modification."

"We used to be in the RP threads," Kitsu explained while blocking a kick and then returning a kick of her own. "Oh, RP stands for Revolution Pangs. We played revolt-for-hire for any Bajoran-like groups that couldn't get themselves out of being stuck in map vectors."

Kadaj dodged and force-palmed her down, simultaneously. "But the RPs fizzled out, so now we compete with each other for artifacts on this pleasure world of unending sex and sexual encounters but-not-calling-it-sex."

"The constant fast-paced action appears to be a by-product of your time in the RPs, as well as your way of relaxation," Kurok'Tekan observed seconds before a Human in a floater zoomed passed over-head, laughing.

The Romulan leapt to her feet and saw him getting away. "You bet it is. And, that man is the fastest-paced-most-relaxed of us all," she explained. "Engage running!"

---

Soon, the three found themselves chasing the man to the sandy beaches to the side of the resort, where he landed with his tricorder, having found a large mound of buried artifact.

"There's nothing like a good six-hour scan in the morning, to start and by-pass half your day," he declared, while his one android arm began digging the mound.

When the three caught up, Kitsu smirked, "Captain Elric of the U.S.S. Amaterasu."

"Why do you always say it like that? We already know who and what ships we command," Elric parsed. "In my case, my last ship was engulfed and near-destroyed by holographic tribble."

Kadaj stepped forward. "She is making it easy on the newcomer! Also, your late arrival dilutes any claim of you being the fastest out of all of us."

"My android implants certify I have enough time to give you two a substantial lead," Elric said as he dusted off the tip of a blue corner. He then used his arm to pull the entire 2.5-meter telephone booth out of the beach.

Kurok'Tekan tilted, confused. "Your implants appear to have uncovered an ancient Earth communications device. The populace used to upload to something they called Instagram."

"You're decades off," Kitsu addendumed. "It's more likely an inter-dimensional time travel device. It at least is in some alternate universes!" Kitsu then sped into Elric's personal space and engaged in immediate multi-punches and redirects.

Elric followed suit and returned her attacks with his own fists and blocks while Kurok'Tekan intercepted Kadaj's advances emulating the convention of kicks and jabs. "This is a universe of high-octane Risa I could get used to," the Jem'Hadar capitulated while using his forearm to block a kick.

"It's true. Uncovering history is just so intense!" Kitsu claimed as she jumped into the air to meet Elric's instigated mid-air attack.

Kadaj and Kurok'Tekan exchanged redirects and spins until the Jem'Hadar hard-punched the Klingon back and into the phone booth. The device began to light up and send lightning currents all around the beach and ocean water. Suddenly, artifacts of all kinds emerged out from energized connections and settled as enriching beach liter for all to enjoy.

"What is it when history uncovers itself?" Elric asked as he and Kitsu landed to take in the unrelenting treasure.

Kurok'Tekan watched as a Ferengi named Sovak approached in pure exaltation. "It's the Ferengi version of kismet, is what it is! Yes, yes! You have found what I was really looking for!" He pulled Kadaj out of the booth and began examining it.

"Grand Nagus Rom?" the Jem'Hadar questioned.

Sovak waved him off. "Why does everyone mistake me for him? In any case, that ancient communications pod is the genius product of the Ferengi Corps of Engineering trying to be as savvy with temporal mechanics as your Crewman Daniels somewhere, sometime. Unfortunately, using latinum for the quantum intermix wiring sent this thing into all kinds of non-profiting crazy."

"Sooooo, you're not that genius Engineer from Deep Space 9 that was suddenly thrust upon the highest throne of the Ferengi Alliance?" Kitsu re-asked.

The poor, money-deprived man slammed his fists into the booth's internal console in frustration.

"I am so sick of hearing how I look just like that unworthy luck-stricken half-man! I mean, Leeta? He gets Leeta, and I get nothing! We have the same teeth!"

Suddenly the booth was powered up again and energized lightning struck out its top to all the artifacts again, sending them into oblivion and Sovak out and onto his back upon the sand.

"NOOOO!" Sovak yelped as he watched the phone booth also disappear in a spectacular, energized flash. "I could have been the one to organize a Union, or catch a meaningless baseball! All I ever did was hold up Picard and it wasn’t even for that long!”

Kurok'Tekan regrouped with Kitsu, Kadaj and Elric. "I must admit, the comeuppance of this Ferengi is more victory than I have ever experienced in the Dominion."

"Dude, and you must have killed a ton of people over there," Kadaj added as Kurok'Tekan nodded in agreement.

Elric turned to Kadaj. "You know Klingons don't say 'dude,' right?"

"I know separate things than you. That's what I know," Kadaj countered. "Also, that Alliance Command wants all of us to join as a fleet. Khitomer Battle Fleet Theta to be precise. I should have started with that."

Kitsu placed her hands on her hips. "Well, that wouldn't be so bad after all. Right, Kurok'Tekan? Maybe even fun?"

"Victory shall be ours," the Jem'Hadar stated after a brief pause. "Query: What is this Dance Party they keep spouting at the resort?"

Kadaj grabbed Kurok'Tekan's shoulders to get his attention. "Ohhh man! You are in for a gathering of oddities! What do you know about the Snake, or Raising the Roof?"

"Nothing," he replied as the group of four began a slow walk back to the summer base. "Although I do have an interest in learning something called the Samba."

Kitsu grabbed him back. "Then get ready for double that, and a chaotic dance off to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis between all four of us to determine who's the best pop-and-locker."

"By the way," Elric interjected. "How are you for body modifications that increase your agility and give you an attention deficit? Ever tried ketracel Suliban?"