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Product Placement and Advertising in Trek Fiction

brian334brian334 Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
In my Fanfic thread I wrote an advertisement for Slug-o-Cola, The Slimiest Drink In The Galaxy! because as I was writing I realized that CBS would have advertisements in their serialized Trek programs, no matter what.

But then I got to thinking, (I agree, not a pretty sight,) and it occurred to me that there were lots of other products which might be advertised. We all know Sisko's Restaurant plunked down a big bowl of gumbo to get placed on DS9, and I'm certain the Lobi Consortium has at least dreamed of a low-budget show where their ads could be shown without a premium price tag.

So to start the ball rolling, I present:

Al Lorenzo's Used Furniture Discount Outlet

[A melody not unlike, (but not exactly like,) a currently popular hit song plays in the background.]

{Voiceover as holoimages of Al seated behind various desks slide-show one after the other.}

Hi, folks! Al Lorenzo here! Have you ever wanted a desk just like Captain Picard's? Or just like Captain Sisko's? You can find them, and so much more, right here at Al Lorenzo's Used Furniture Discount Outlet! It's just like a mini-mall! We have desks, desks and more desks. Admiral Leyton's desk, Admiral Necheyev's desk, even the desk of Captain Al Rivera!

And there's so much more at Al Lorenzo's Used Furniture Discount Outlet! It's just like a mini-mall!

We have authentic barstools from Quark's, Morn's Mudbath! Deanna Troi's super-soaker bathtub! Worf's Chair! Even Captain Kirk's 'throne' from the USS Enterprise A! Don't ask us how we get them, because we can't talk about Time Travel! Oops! Did I just say that?

{A closeup of Al's face flashes three times with a surprised expression and his fingertips over his lips as a foghorn sounds.}

Come on down to Al Lorenzo's Used Furniture Discount Outlet! It's just like a mini-mall!

Take Route 1 to Earth, get off at the Saturn Exit, take a left at Miranda, and you'll see us under the giant inflatable gorilla! You can't miss it! Al Lorenzo's Used Furniture Discount Outlet! It's just like a mini-mall! (Open weekdays between 0700 and 2300, excluding holidays. Remote shop at bigalsdesk@hotmail.com)

Al Lorenzo's Used Furniture Discount Outlet! It's just like a mini-mall!


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    brian334brian334 Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
    [On a narrow street a neon sign flashes in bright red as a voice says,]

    Hey, y'all, come on down to Sisko's Creole Kitchen!

    [The door beneath the sign opens and the camera slides in to see people eating at intimate tables beneath a giant alligator.]

    There's always something in the pot. Try our specialty, Creole Gumbo. Or how 'bout a bowl of red beans 'n' rice?

    [The camera pans around the dining room and enters the kitchen, which is visible over a bar in the back of the dining room.]

    Hey, Nathan, what'cha got in the pot? Mmm-mmm. The Pasta Boudin smells delicious!

    [Plates loaded with various dishes on the bar are being carried away by a waiter, and the camera pans over them as each dish is named.]

    We have the best Catfish Po'Boys, and don't forget our oysters, shrimp, and crab!

    [The camera shows some alien guests enjoying their meals.]

    We even have Klingon and Ferengi specialties, and if the food's just a little too spicy for you, we have The Emissary's own Hasperat to cool it down a bit.

    [The camera pans out, through the ceiling over the happy dining room crowd, over the roof of the restaurant with its neon sign, to an overhead view of the New Orleans French Quarter with Armstrong Park in the background and the St.Louis Cathedral in the foreground.]

    So the next time you're in 'Nawlins, come on down to Sisko's. If the light's on, there's somethin' cooking!
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    brian334brian334 Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
    edited November 2018
    [A conservatively attired mature but not elderly Ferengi whose lobes are both large and well-waxed enters well-appointed office]

    Friends, in today's uncertain future, where do you keep your latinum?

    [An image of an old beetlesnuff box with a broken lid is shown beside a pair of ratty old slippers and a discarded latex glove]

    Under your bed?

    [An image of a closet crammed with odds and ends, with a bent 'safe' that has sprung hinges buried at the bottom]

    In your private safe?

    [An image of an elderly Ferengi whose ear are human-sized, who is lacking the majority of his teeth and has eyes pointing in more than one direction]

    Did you invest it by listening to your Uncle Lardo?

    [The image returns to the speaker in the tastefully decorated office]

    You may as well throw it off the roof of the Tower of Commerce! But there is a solution to your Latinum worries, with an investment that has beaten the returns from the market by five hundred percent over the last five years. An investment so secure, the Grand Negus trusts his latinum with us.

    When females were given the right to acquire profit, other firms were predicting doom and gloom, but we quietly bought up cosmetics and beauty supplement manufacturers. When females were granted the right to wear clothing in public other firms invested large sums in moral rehabilitation service providers, but we acquired controlling interests in several major clothiers. When the new Grand Negus introduced philanthropy as a superior moral choice to greed most other financial advisers threatened to leap from the Tower of Commerce, but we acquired solid financial institutions which could handle the financial affairs and trust funds of worldwide charity organizations.

    While the rest of the investment community was running around like brain-damaged voles, we've ben on a steady path to financial success, and you can be too. For more information, submit your request, and twelve strips of latinum, to our independent auditor, and you'll acquire a prospectus detailing just how lucrative investing in us can be.

    Whether you want to invest a few bars, or a palate of bricks, your latinum will be as safe as if it were our very own, and provide you an annual return which has out-performed the Market over the last five years consecutively. We're the Lobi Consortium, and your latinum is our business.

    [Uncle Lardo's image returns]

    Or do you really like the investments Uncle Lardo has been selling you?

    [A wall of text scrolls across the screen very rapidly]

    All claims subject to market fluctuations, no financial institution can guarantee returns or that you funds will not be lost due to poor market performance, this is not a stock offer, offer not valid on Vulcan, Earth, or Beta Zed, check with your local authorities to determine legality of this investment, the term investment implies purchase of an annuity, and is not to be construed as a stake in the Lobi Consortium or any of its affiliates or derivatives, terms, fees, and other costs will apply and are the responsibility of the investor, The Lobi Consortium is not responsible for vendor, provider or other intermediary management interests no is the Lobi Consortium responsible for any fees or losses incurred through such transactions, the Lobi consortium is a licensed subsidiary of Lobi Industrial Group, and is a registered Delaware Corporation.
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    brian334brian334 Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
    edited November 2018
    [A Ferengi in body armor holding a refined looking rifle]

    So they called you crazy, but when the atmosphere was stripped from your world and the Hur'q invaded, you were ready. It's not foolish to invest in survival: remember the one hundred twenty-fifth Rule of Acquisition?

    At the Survival Expo we're dedicated to ensuring you the very highest quality in personal defense products, from body armor and environmental suits to reinforced bunkers to protect your loved ones if the worst should happen.

    And we all know the best defense is a good offense! But why leave the safety of your bunker to fight when you can buy the latest TR-116B Rifle? It shoots through walls, floors and ceilings, and even through the toughest armor and energy shields to lay waste to those who choose to threaten your way of life.

    So, while "Live Free Or Die" has a nice ring to it, why not "Live Free And Live?" Come on down to the Survival Expo and see what we can do to ensure your survival. Because you do have more than one life to give for your world.

    [A hologram of a happy family of Boleans fully equipped with body armor and weapons]
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    brian334brian334 Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
    [a sad toy monkey clanging cymbals together slowly winds down]

    Narrator: You bought the bargain-brand batteries again, didn't you? Of course, the monkey isn't going to be a critical component of your ship in a desperate situation. For that you want to be sure you buy Ever-Prep Batteries.

    Ever-Prep batteries are guaranteed to perform when you need them most. Ever-Prep Batteries won't lose their charge in storage, no matter how long you store them, and Ever-Prep Batteries are battle-tested.

    Whether you need batteries for that critical performance boost or to restore power to failing systems, Ever-prep has the battery to suit your needs. Ever-Prep has Auxiliary Batteries, Engine Batteries, Shield Batteries, and Weapon Batteries, pre-charged and ready to install on your ship. And Ever-Prep Batteries are guaranteed to be compatible with all major ship manufacturers' specifications.

    Our patented process also allows us to double the boost! Ask for Large Ever-Prep Batteries, and watch your systems power go off the scale!

    Ever-Prep Batteries are the choice of experienced captains across the galaxy. But don't just take our word for it, ask an expert.

    What do you think, Monkey?

    [a smiling toy monkey furiously clangs his cymbals together at a high rate fo speed.]
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,397 Arc User
    CYMBAL MONKEY!!! <headshot>

    Sorry, residual Fallout 4 trauma...
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    brian334brian334 Member Posts: 2,214 Arc User
    [A man sitting in his study, feet propped on an ottoman, with a tablet in hand and an iced drink within arms reach. Woman enters study.]

    Woman: Harvey, did you get the car waxed like I told you? You have to pick up Mindy at dance class, and Harve-Junior has a Scout event tonight. You'll have to take the kids to dinner because Melody and me are going...

    [Woman's voice fades into white noise as the man pinches the bridge of his nose, squinting hard. A tiny man appears on his shoulder wearing a blue lab-coat with an old-fashioned stethescope hanging around his neck.]

    Dr. Hap Pe: Feeling a little numb in the cranium, Harve?

    Harvey: Am I ever.

    Dr. Hap Pe: I have just the thing for you. Melorazine! It's the pick me up that won't jack you up! Melorazine, it's non-habit-forming, and safe for multiple uses. You can't go wrong with Melorazine!

    [Dr. Hap Pe jabs Harvey in the neck with a tiny hypospray, and Harvey visibly perks up.]

    Woman: And another thing, my mother is coming to town this weekend, and I want you to take her and the kids to the zoo...

    [The woman's voice again fades to background noise.]

    Harvey: Dr. Hap Pe, it looks like we're gong to become good friends!

    Dr. Hap Pe: I'm always on hand to help!

    [In the background the woman continues to speak as Harvey nods, smiling.]

    Narrator: Melorazine is available at all CBS Pharmacies. Melorazine is a controlled substance and regular use may lead to addiction. Take only as directed by a licensed physician. Melorazine has been associated with seizures, vomiting, inexplicably swollen appendages, erections lasting more than four hours, sudden death, acute hearing disorders, nausea, weakness, and failure of hormone-type contraceptives. Paramount Drugs Inc. is not responsible for misuse of or use in a manner not indicated by direction of a properly licensed medical practitioner.

    Dr. Hap Pe: Clear the cobwebs with Melorazine!
    [in print beneath the doctor's image it reads: Dr. Hap Pe is a paid spokesman, not a licensed medical practitioner, and is not qualified to offer medical advice. Please consult licensed medical professionals before use.]
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