Submitted for your approval: my first foundry project: "Far and Away"

javaman1969

Published and with final edits complete "Far and Away" is a quick 30 minute romp and an old-school "strange new worlds" type adventure. This short story has a concentration on snappy dialogue and fun characters.
The great Iconian struggle is over and an admiral operating in a far-flung region beyond Federation space has personally requested your talents. Are you ready to go deep into the unknown?
Starting point: Eridon Belt.

rickysmith1

Hmm, depends, have you voted on the Foundry Challenge yet? lol

duncanidaho11

rickysmith1 wrote: »

Hmm, depends, have you voted on the Foundry Challenge yet? lol

Serious pants time: OP, feedback on your mission is in no way dependent on whether you vote for any 26c anthology challenge mission and *especially* not dependent on who you voted for. You're encouraged to play them [it's a great set of missions] but you don't have to worry about any quid pro quo stuff like that. (we have to be clear on this )

Anyways, I'll give it a play later tonight and I'll try to give a shout-out during the next Foundry Roundtable.

(Ditto for other new authors who've recently posted missions on the forums recently, it's been busy but we'll try to get the word out as soon as we can.)

duncanidaho11

Update: gave it a shot but encountered an objective that could not be reasonably completed (map 7, navigating to the comet. You forgot to increase the radius of location objectives from their default of zero.) But, I took notes while playing and was able to comment on a few things you may want to consider for updates and future entries (click the spoiler tag to read them.)

Short version: the structure and mechanics of your mission need work but the character writing is solid. Focus on developing that (in addition to learning more about how to Foundry) because if you can get it down I think you could make some fun missions.

Map 1 - Location objective is very, very, very tiny. Increase the radius by a large margin and center around the planet (so the objective matches the action).


Map 2 - Unnecessary, dialog can be staged from orbit without necessitating a map transition.

Dialog is very direct, a little too succinct, and takes the (IMO) somewhat uncomfortable position of presuming player backstory. In STO players tend to invest in who their characters are and base that (to greater or lesser extents) on what's literally presented in-game. Its best not to try to overwrite that, but instead work with the known STO timeline (we have the likes of Captain Shon and Admiral Quinn in the Foundry as default NPC's. ) If you're not sure where people might be coming from (for example: not every player will have completed the STO arc by the time they get to your mission), include more than one possible response.


Map 3 - Way too short, with a more elaborate map you can certainly add more gameplay here. Ex. remove nebulae, sensor interference, add debris, and make it a search for the beacon rather than a direct flight (moving in a straight line from A to B doesn't make for great gameplay if that's all there is to a map.)


Map 4 - Again, way too short. At this point I'm almost spending as much time in loading transitions as I am in mission. Make the most of your maps, focus the experience on them.


Map 5 - Writing is solid, but I feel we're jumping the gun with the dynamics. These are new characters but the "old fiends" card is being played. You can do that later, or between NPC's, but more needs to be established if you're going to be writing that for the player (save it for the sequels!) Still, these interactions are the best part of the mission.

Bare bones exploration, flora and fauna don't fit the setting (or provide a poignant contrast). With a different base map I think you could have done a lot better here (these just feel out of place). Objectives worked but there wasn't a good sense of flow. Summary: wildlife ecology (without context) turns up a preserver artifact, not much of a story there and the characters aren't involved. That's a shame (they could have added a lot more to the mission.)

PS. don't be afraid to change the backdrop from the default (sticks out a bit, especially on ground.)


Map 6 - Maps absolutely need more than the warp out dialog.

PS. spawning the player directly facing the planet makes sense but if you do it more than once it's very noticeable.


Map 7 - Remember that when writing bridge officers that you're writing other people's characters. Don't give them too much personality (especially a sarcastic one which is working against the tone of your mission).

Location objective could not be completed, too tiny to navigate into with change in altitude. I had to drop the mission here. Be sure to give your missions a thorough playtest and think critically about how objectives are playing out. You may also want to spend some more time with published missions [any of the spotlights are a good start] for examples on how a mission is best constructed. You probably won't be able to meet that bar with your first go, but you can learn a lot from how other people use characters, dialog, and plot points to build a mission.

So, keep at it and shout out any time you need advice or another run of your mission. We're here to help.

kaithan1975

I kind of enjoyed my bridge officers snarky comment at the comet part .

javaman1969

Due to the foundry being down after the spring 2018 update, I could not fix the broken part of this mission when it was first reported to me (map transition when you get close enough to the comet). It's fixed now. I also edited dialog/spelling and re-positioned some ground objectives ( I was told that people were having trouble finding plants to scan).