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ULC Discussion Thread: "There are 31!"

aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
This is the discussion thread for Unofficial Literary Challenge 31: "There are 31!". Thought since I was on a role, might as well start the year right!
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  • aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    //// Error, Level Ten Clearence Needed ////

    Clearance approved...

    Edit necessary, Redaction neeeded due to sensitive nature of following Prompt...
    [REDACTION] Approved by Franklin Drake, Starfleet Intelligence...
    [REDACTED] Prompt has already been used, replacement for your 31st ULC...


    //// File End ////

    It appears my last prompt for #4 wasn't up to snuff, so it's been updated and [REDACTED], with a much (hopefully) better one. Thank you for your time!
  • takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    Interesting prompts.

    Unfortunately, I STILL need to finish up with my earlier prompt ideas. Need proper inspiration to fill in some of the blanks I have, and maybe a bit of help from StarSword.

    Still, I'll see if I can come up with anything.
    76561198160276582.png
  • antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    Okay, prompt 2 sounds like fun - still got a couple parts to write on the big story, and wanted to do that tribble infestsation a while back, but should come up with something for fighting off an attention vortex (that's my character's jobs, darn it)
    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

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  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    I read that Section 31 prompt and for some reason I immediately flashed on this Firefly scene:
    WASH: I'm confused...
    SAFFRON: You're asking yourself if I've got the security codes, why don't I go in, grab it for myself?
    WASH: No. Actually... I was wondering... What's she doing on this ship!? Didn't she try to kill us? ... We're in space. How'd she get here?
    MAL: She hitched.
    WASH: I don't recall pulling over...
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    Man, I got some inspiration on this one. This is part one of Didn't Expect That.

    Crew of USS Bajor:
    • Captain Kanril Eleya, commanding officer: Jennifer Hale
    • Commander Tesjha Phohl, first officer and tactical officer: Claudia Black
    • Commander Birail Riyannis, chief science officer: Ursulla Abbot
    • Lieutenant Commander Reshek Gaarra, operations officer: Adam Baldwin
    • Lieutenant Dul'krah, Clan Korekh, chief of security: Idris Elba
    • Lieutenant (JG) Park Jin-Soo, conn officer: Will Yun Lee
    • Lieutenant (JG) Arak Esplin, communications officer: Robyn Kramer
    • Lieutenant Rachel Connor, commander, MACO Unit 131: Michelle Rodriguez
    • Command Master Chief Petty Officer Kinlo, daughter of Koltek, chief of the boat: Kate Mulgrew

    Other characters:
    • Agent Franklin Drake, Section 31: Adam Harrington
    Post edited by starswordc on
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    hawku001x wrote: »
    Hehe. You used the line. :D

    And the "special hell" line. :D More seriously, I'm setting up a lot of Chekhov's guns* with this half that are going to pay off in part two; that Firefly line gave me one of them. There's also some philosophical points regarding Section 31 itself that are incorporated into the writing, but I'll talk about those after it's finished.

    I will say, though, that, as usual, the song I chose for my epigraph was not a random selection.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILcTs_nxAdA

    * Not to be confused with Chekov's gun.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    starswordc wrote: »
    There's also some philosophical points regarding Section 31 itself that are incorporated into the writing, but I'll talk about those after it's finished.

    I liked those parts too. Section 31 is pretty ridiculous, especially that they claim they're necessary for everyone's survival.

  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    hawku001x wrote: »
    starswordc wrote: »
    There's also some philosophical points regarding Section 31 itself that are incorporated into the writing, but I'll talk about those after it's finished.

    I liked those parts too. Section 31 is pretty ridiculous, especially that they claim they're necessary for everyone's survival.

    That's not really what I'm focusing on here, though as far as I'm concerned, they're not necessary and having unaccountable secret groups making world-altering and life-ruining decisions is a bad thing in general (and I'm talking about the FISA court here, not the Illuminati).
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    I loved it @starswordc it made me laugh near the middle parts, as well as Drakes clear discomfort...
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,354 Arc User
    starswordc wrote: »
    That's not really what I'm focusing on here, though as far as I'm concerned, they're not necessary and having unaccountable secret groups making world-altering and life-ruining decisions is a bad thing in general (and I'm talking about the FISA court here, not the Illuminati).
    Sounds a lot like the tack I've been taking in my stories - Section 31, in Grunt's universe, is not officially part of the Federation government any more, but is kept alive by backroom dealings amongst corrupt (or, worse, true-believer) politicians and hardline fanatics. They're one of the groups with which Starfleet Intelligence is most concerned, right up there with the Tal'Shiar and the True Way, and ranking half a step above Klingon Imperial Intelligence (at least since the end of the war). (Director Harmon actually has a bit of a friendly rivalry with K'men...)

    Unfortunately, one of the unforeseen side effects of a post-scarcity economy is that black-ops budgets are a lot easier to manage than they are in our world of beancounters and required accountability.​​
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    Didn't Expect That, Part 2

    Additional characters:
    • Captain Thraka gasch Kull, skipper, SS Gann vesh Wek: Danny DeVito
    • Riov Agathon "the Albino" tr'Hathe, CO, IRW Firestorm/ch'R Llaiir'hvei'khenn: Ron Perlman
    • Commander Tiana Lanstar, CO, USS Artemisia: Maryke Hendrickse
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    jonsills wrote: »
    starswordc wrote: »
    That's not really what I'm focusing on here, though as far as I'm concerned, they're not necessary and having unaccountable secret groups making world-altering and life-ruining decisions is a bad thing in general (and I'm talking about the FISA court here, not the Illuminati).
    Sounds a lot like the tack I've been taking in my stories - Section 31, in Grunt's universe, is not officially part of the Federation government any more, but is kept alive by backroom dealings amongst corrupt (or, worse, true-believer) politicians and hardline fanatics. They're one of the groups with which Starfleet Intelligence is most concerned, right up there with the Tal'Shiar and the True Way, and ranking half a step above Klingon Imperial Intelligence (at least since the end of the war). (Director Harmon actually has a bit of a friendly rivalry with K'men...)​​

    Doesn't the Delta Quadrant Command contact note actual Starfleet Intelligence's great distaste for the conspiracy as well, just from the STO perspective on it?

    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
  • aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    jonsills wrote: »
    starswordc wrote: »
    That's not really what I'm focusing on here, though as far as I'm concerned, they're not necessary and having unaccountable secret groups making world-altering and life-ruining decisions is a bad thing in general (and I'm talking about the FISA court here, not the Illuminati).
    Sounds a lot like the tack I've been taking in my stories - Section 31, in Grunt's universe, is not officially part of the Federation government any more, but is kept alive by backroom dealings amongst corrupt (or, worse, true-believer) politicians and hardline fanatics. They're one of the groups with which Starfleet Intelligence is most concerned, right up there with the Tal'Shiar and the True Way, and ranking half a step above Klingon Imperial Intelligence (at least since the end of the war). (Director Harmon actually has a bit of a friendly rivalry with K'men...)​​

    Doesn't the Delta Quadrant Command contact note actual Starfleet Intelligence's great distaste for the conspiracy as well, just from the STO perspective on it?

    Personally I believe so, since The path to 2409 references Chakotay becoming head of SI. I couldn't' imagine a former Marquis and current Starleet officer ever really condoning a black ops group that believe they are essentially above the law.

    Personally (I.e in my head canon) it seems like S31 has scaled back its operations with the formation of the Alliance. Granted I feel the only reason he was even seen in the mission 'Butterfly' was because that was the first timeline; come the second timeline he probably already knew what was going to happen, and chose to refrain from exposing himself. Given time there is little to no doubt that S31 disbands as the 'need' of it dissipates, though its ideals appear to be adopted by a more harsher, less exploration based 29th century.

    Then again there is little knowledge of the state of the Federation post 26th-pre 29th centuries. It very well could be a very different place than the Federation we know, even accepting Section 31 if the need arose. But I digress... anywho, I truly believe S31 would eventually be folded back into SI as a whole, though it's past actions would probably be ignored on the whole, ecause who wants to open up and share the Skeletons in their closet. By no means condoning their actions and methods, but understanding for a time it was necessary, just not anymore.
  • aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    starswordc wrote: »
    Didn't Expect That, Part 2

    Additional characters:
    • Captain Thraka gasch Kull, skipper, SS Gann vesh Wek: Danny DeVito
    • Riov Agathon "the Albino" tr'Hathe, CO, IRW Firestorm/ch'R Llaiir'hvei'khenn: Ron Perlman
    • Commander Tiana Lanstar, CO, USS Artemisia: Maryke Hendrickse

    Ehhhhh..... :/

    It just seems to.... easy.
    I mean, I know my vision of S31 doesn't match with everyone's (see above), but I feel like FD has more tricks up his sleeve than a crooked card dealer in an old western card game. Satisfying ending, don't get me wrong, but Franklin Drake's one of those NPC's you don't really get to mess with, even if you want to punch his lights out. It's like killing Dukat as a child in a marketplace, you mess a whole bunch of **** up, and have to send the one person who hates his guts as much as anyone else to fix the problem, no matter how bitter a taste in your mouth it leaves.
  • aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    It seems I have a phantom commentator?
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    jonsills wrote: »
    starswordc wrote: »
    That's not really what I'm focusing on here, though as far as I'm concerned, they're not necessary and having unaccountable secret groups making world-altering and life-ruining decisions is a bad thing in general (and I'm talking about the FISA court here, not the Illuminati).
    Sounds a lot like the tack I've been taking in my stories - Section 31, in Grunt's universe, is not officially part of the Federation government any more, but is kept alive by backroom dealings amongst corrupt (or, worse, true-believer) politicians and hardline fanatics. They're one of the groups with which Starfleet Intelligence is most concerned, right up there with the Tal'Shiar and the True Way, and ranking half a step above Klingon Imperial Intelligence (at least since the end of the war). (Director Harmon actually has a bit of a friendly rivalry with K'men...)​​

    Doesn't the Delta Quadrant Command contact note actual Starfleet Intelligence's great distaste for the conspiracy as well, just from the STO perspective on it?

    Which was something I mentioned briefly in part two, particularly WRT Drake's stupidly over-complicated plan in the House of Torg arc.

    Seriously, all the mysteriousness and shenanigans aside, his objective couldn't be simpler: "tell Worf that the House of Torg is about to try to exterminate the House of Martok". If Section 31 had anything close to the official status its proponents ascribe to it, he could've accomplished that with a five-minute subspace radio call, maybe get one of Worf's buddies from the Enterprise to do it, and never left home. Instead he gets himself captured trusting the Klingons not to mutilate or kill him while torturing him for information (their treatment of POWs doesn't exactly fall within the bounds of the Geneva Conventions, or I suppose the Seldonis II Conventions are the space version) and trusting that he can escape whatever hole they stick him in and successfully steal a ship from the spaceport without getting shot down on his way out. And in the process he leads the KDF straight to a Starfleet spy station, Lord knows what damage that did. (Most of what Eleya charges him with comes from that story arc: the Admiral Alvatrassi zh'Zoarhi she mentions is one of Chakotay's people.) All of which begs the question of why did he choose to do it that way? He either has a complexity addiction worse than Emperor Palpatine's, or Section 31 isn't an organization with any sanction, on the books or off, and therefore doesn't have access to those channels (and TBH these are not mutually exclusive).
    aten66 wrote: »
    starswordc wrote: »
    Didn't Expect That, Part 2

    Additional characters:
    • Captain Thraka gasch Kull, skipper, SS Gann vesh Wek: Danny DeVito
    • Riov Agathon "the Albino" tr'Hathe, CO, IRW Firestorm/ch'R Llaiir'hvei'khenn: Ron Perlman
    • Commander Tiana Lanstar, CO, USS Artemisia: Maryke Hendrickse

    Ehhhhh..... :/

    It just seems to.... easy.
    I mean, I know my vision of S31 doesn't match with everyone's (see above), but I feel like FD has more tricks up his sleeve than a crooked card dealer in an old western card game. Satisfying ending, don't get me wrong, but Franklin Drake's one of those NPC's you don't really get to mess with, even if you want to punch his lights out. It's like killing Dukat as a child in a marketplace, you mess a whole bunch of **** up, and have to send the one person who hates his guts as much as anyone else to fix the problem, no matter how bitter a taste in your mouth it leaves.

    As far as it being "easy", the aim was to tie into some of the philosophy I mentioned earlier.

    See, Section 31 are the epitome of ultranationalism applied to black ops: "Go it alone and use everybody and everything you can, because you're the only one with the guts to do it and it can only be done this way. You bleeding-hearts don't get what needs to be done so that we emerge on top", etc. Now sure, sometimes "the right thing" and "the smart thing" aren't the same thing (c.f. "I Borg" and "In the Pale Moonlight"), but the problem is Section 31 (and Sisko in "For the Uniform", BTW) takes it to the point of arrogant self-assurance and hubris, using and then belittling people who outright hate them (Eleya went even further than Bashir did: her phaser wasn't set on stun in the first scene) and then patting themselves on the back that they're so much better at it than their tools that they can't be beaten.

    Bashir beating Sloan misses the mark slightly: for all that he doesn't consider himself to be worth more than other people, Bashir is still a Khan-type genetic augment and physically and mentally superior. Eleya, by contrast, isn't smart enough to beat Drake on her own: she's not some polymath genius, she's a reasonably intelligent woman who's good at fighting. But she has a good team with a diverse set of backgrounds and skills, and she trusts them and relies on them. It's teamwork and cooperation, trusting your allies and letting them cover your deficiencies, versus Section 31's "Federation First, Federation uber Everybody" thing (I hesitate to say "humans first") where you'll knife your ally at the drop of a hat if you think you can gain an advantage for your own interests. And yes, the allegory to certain current political questions is intentional.

    A lot of the detective work went on off-screen and was handled by Dul'krah's people (partly for pacing reasons, but one of the issues with writing in first-person is you can't show other POVs as easily), but I did try to foreshadow the takedown in broad strokes. I'm pretty happy with how this turned out.
    Post edited by starswordc on
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,354 Arc User
    It definitely wasn't an Earn Your Happy Ending, and the finding of Drake's birth name seemed a tad convenient, but I could certainly see Eleya calling in some favors from SI for the other parts, and of course using the off-camera time lapse to set up your backup plan is a Trek trick back at least as far as "Amok Time" and McCoy's "tri-ox compound" injection.

    Overall, I quite liked it.​​
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    jonsills wrote: »
    It definitely wasn't an Earn Your Happy Ending, and the finding of Drake's birth name seemed a tad convenient, but I could certainly see Eleya calling in some favors from SI for the other parts, and of course using the off-camera time lapse to set up your backup plan is a Trek trick back at least as far as "Amok Time" and McCoy's "tri-ox compound" injection.

    Overall, I quite liked it.​​

    Believe it or not, the trick actually dates back at least as far as the Norse sagas. It's the Unspoken Plan Guarantee: the odds of The Plan going off as planned are inversely proportional to how much the audience knows about it.

    The birth name, though, there I confess to a strong desire to twist the knife a bit. :trollface: I was going for "unthreatening and possibly mildly embarrassing" there.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,354 Arc User
    Oh, yes, in literature the antecedents are quite ancient. Specifically in Trek, though, it's been something in the heroes' back pockets right along - tri-ox, corbomite (especially its second appearance, with a message being sent in a code which the Romulans had already broken), Kirk "going crazy" and ordering the ship into the Romulan Neutral Zone so Spock can distract the Romulan commander while he steals the cloaking device...

    It's not a ploy out of nowhere, is what I'm saying. :smile:​​
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    jonsills wrote: »
    Oh, yes, in literature the antecedents are quite ancient. Specifically in Trek, though, it's been something in the heroes' back pockets right along - tri-ox, corbomite (especially its second appearance, with a message being sent in a code which the Romulans had already broken), Kirk "going crazy" and ordering the ship into the Romulan Neutral Zone so Spock can distract the Romulan commander while he steals the cloaking device...

    It's not a ploy out of nowhere, is what I'm saying. :smile:​​

    I'm not sure corbomite counts as a plan so much as a callback for one of Kirk's better bluffs, as far as the trope goes, but I'll certainly grant tri-ox, especially as it looks like it doesn't work at first until McCoy's actual plan is revealed.

    Okay, I'm going to be a bit critical here. @starswordc we don't necessarily agree on the shape of STO universe or the themes to emphasize in Star Trek, and that's fine! There's a lot of personal timelines possible with all sorts of adventures, types of captains, and types of solutions to issues! I'm glad there is variety even if it isn't my tastes.

    But when you're citing the toolbox for something in the story, it opens up some additional discussion on the mechanics of storybuilding.

    Unspoken Plan generally (if done well, rather than just sort of random fiat) requires an initial, discussed plan in place that looks like a reasonable attempt, is taken out because the opponent's a step ahead, but is then revealed that the way the plan failed was actually intended to allow the real plan, revealed in retrospect, to succeed.

    This on the other hand, isn't really telegraphed with either plans ('The Defector' had several offhand mentions of Klingon communication before the countertrap is revealed) - Eleya just seems to be going in here. Everything was handled 'offscreen' until the denouncement, where the villain's capabilities turn out to be mere empty bravado, easily handled by the heroes, who, once again, have been severely underestimated by their foes.

    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,354 Arc User
    However, the plan as revealed is exactly what the main character would have plotted - only if we'd been privy to all the plans being made, all the subspace calls and scans and whatnot, there would have been precisely no dramatic tension in the denouement. Instead, the plans were laid where we could not see them until the unveiling. Really more of a Batman Gambit than an Unspoken Plan, IMO, but not everyone lives and breathes TVTropes, ya know?​​
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    jonsills wrote: »
    Oh, yes, in literature the antecedents are quite ancient. Specifically in Trek, though, it's been something in the heroes' back pockets right along - tri-ox, corbomite (especially its second appearance, with a message being sent in a code which the Romulans had already broken), Kirk "going crazy" and ordering the ship into the Romulan Neutral Zone so Spock can distract the Romulan commander while he steals the cloaking device...

    It's not a ploy out of nowhere, is what I'm saying. :smile:​​

    I'm not sure corbomite counts as a plan so much as a callback for one of Kirk's better bluffs, as far as the trope goes, but I'll certainly grant tri-ox, especially as it looks like it doesn't work at first until McCoy's actual plan is revealed.

    Okay, I'm going to be a bit critical here. @starswordc we don't necessarily agree on the shape of STO universe or the themes to emphasize in Star Trek, and that's fine! There's a lot of personal timelines possible with all sorts of adventures, types of captains, and types of solutions to issues! I'm glad there is variety even if it isn't my tastes.

    But when you're citing the toolbox for something in the story, it opens up some additional discussion on the mechanics of storybuilding.

    Unspoken Plan generally (if done well, rather than just sort of random fiat) requires an initial, discussed plan in place that looks like a reasonable attempt, is taken out because the opponent's a step ahead, but is then revealed that the way the plan failed was actually intended to allow the real plan, revealed in retrospect, to succeed.

    This on the other hand, isn't really telegraphed with either plans ('The Defector' had several offhand mentions of Klingon communication before the countertrap is revealed) - Eleya just seems to be going in here. Everything was handled 'offscreen' until the denouncement, where the villain's capabilities turn out to be mere empty bravado, easily handled by the heroes, who, once again, have been severely underestimated by their foes.

    Fair criticism, but this is not the classical unspoken plan. I was aiming at a converse version, where you lay out the elements of the plan and then say there is a plan but don't say what it is, and expect the audience to put together what it was from your execution.

    But you're right that I didn't do as well at it as I hoped, mainly because I forgot to write myself notes on a couple of things:
    • The IRW Firestorm fight was supposed to be more tense. That was intended to be the big wrinkle in Eleya's plan: she didn't expect her enemy to have a Scimitard, she was expecting at most something more in the D'deridex range that was a more even match for her GCS and be able to kill it outright, or hold it off better until Tia Lanstar got there with her squadron (which again, I should've dropped a bigger hint about earlier). But if Wiggin hadn't spotted it decloaking she'd be dead: that "green shockwave" was the thalaron blast (in case you didn't figure that out).
    • I also meant to include a mention of Master Chief Kinlo trying to hack into the Firestorm's computers to give Eleya any advantage she possibly could. She couldn't affect the fight because the ship-critical systems were compartmentalized, but she got into their memory cores and pulled some information that they were able to use to deduce Drake's connection to the Albino, and combine that with other records and get some help from Tia's people to get to his birth identity.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    I think I just made something either quite hilarious, or a (/the worst) bad attempt at humor...

    Will the Real Mary Sue Please Stand Up...

    It may be the sleep deprivation driven ending though that makes me think that... staying up until 1am to write isn't the best thing to do....
  • antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    starswordc wrote: »
    But you're right that I didn't do as well at it as I hoped, mainly because I forgot to write myself notes on a couple of things:
    • The IRW Firestorm fight was supposed to be more tense. That was intended to be the big wrinkle in Eleya's plan: she didn't expect her enemy to have a Scimitard, she was expecting at most something more in the D'deridex range that was a more even match for her GCS and be able to kill it outright, or hold it off better until Tia Lanstar got there with her squadron (which again, I should've dropped a bigger hint about earlier). But if Wiggin hadn't spotted it decloaking she'd be dead: that "green shockwave" was the thalaron blast (in case you didn't figure that out).
    • I also meant to include a mention of Master Chief Kinlo trying to hack into the Firestorm's computers to give Eleya any advantage she possibly could. She couldn't affect the fight because the ship-critical systems were compartmentalized, but she got into their memory cores and pulled some information that they were able to use to deduce Drake's connection to the Albino, and combine that with other records and get some help from Tia's people to get to his birth identity.

    Man, a fighting race to a computer core to get files in time would be a good scene to file away for another story, that's got a real 'racing the clock' aspect to it.
    aten66 wrote: »
    I think I just made something either quite hilarious, or a (/the worst) bad attempt at humor...

    Will the Real Mary Sue Please Stand Up...

    It may be the sleep deprivation driven ending though that makes me think that... staying up until 1am to write isn't the best thing to do....

    Well, a personality overlay outdone by a cerebral contusion delivered by marbles is not the weirdest thing that's happened in one of yours. Going to freak Hazel off if Mary cosplays as dangerous mercenary with that Terran jacket.
    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
  • hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    Nice work, writers! Here's my attempt at an entry. It's my second one with Deloss. Enjoy.
  • wombat140wombat140 Member Posts: 971 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    "Captain, I estimate there is a 42.5621% chance of this posting causing the thread to collapse in a huge argument."
    "Do it anyway."


    I'm trying prompt 1, have stopped for a bit due to not being in the mood but do have a story. I thought of having a go at prompt 2, as well, but first, I don't really get the Mary Sue thing (I mean, I understand the idea, but I don't actually see a lot of characters that strike me that way), and second, the more I think about it, the more I feel that I don't want to lampoon Mary Sues, I just want to write a Mary Sue myself. Any healthy Mary Sue seems so alive compared to my poor bloodless painstakingly-balanced-to-the-point-of-disappearance characters. Anyone see what I mean? One of my favourite fictional heroes of all time was a deliberate Mary Sue avant la lettre; that is, Sayers admitted that she wrote him like that because it was great fun. Only, it's great fun for the reader too. (Of course, she was a genius.)

    Anyone else feel like that? Is there such a thing as not enough Sueness?

    I did draw Ensign Mary Sue instead, while practicing drawing fancy hair. She's fun to draw! being both pretty and comical (because too pretty by half). Manga, of course. What else could she be? Obviously the pendant has paranormal properties if circumstances happen to require it to have them. She's wearing the Command-and-Tactical badge with Sciences blue because blue goes with her eyes.
    Ensign%20Mary%20Sue.JPG
    edit: I hope that actually WORKS now. edit: yep, too big but yep.

    When I'd finished drawing her, though, it occurred to me that I've seen this young lady before. She's the spitting image of a TOS Female Crewmember of the Week. (Except that for that role she wears red with a Sciences badge instead, because nice young ladies don't choose the Command track.) So... pot, kettle? ;-)
    Post edited by wombat140 on
  • antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    hawku001x wrote: »
    Nice work, writers! Here's my attempt at an entry. It's my second one with Deloss. Enjoy.

    I sort of like how meta-wise, Deloss is trying to figure out the Gorn schtick.
    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
  • hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
    I sort of like how meta-wise, Deloss is trying to figure out the Gorn schtick.
    Ha, true. I think all my characters have a meta thing going on.
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